The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Trump Blasts South Africa for “White Genocide” & Trump Merch Needs a Spell Check | Simon Pegg

Episode Date: May 22, 2025

Ronny Chieng tackles the president of South Africa's uncomfortable White House visit and a MAGA couple shortchanged by a "RUMP" watch. Plus, Trump sets his heart on a $542 billion "golden dome" to protect America from hypothetical attacks, including those provoked by international roast comic Grace Kuhlenschmidt. Charlamagne Tha God looks at Republicans' obsession with Trump as a father figure and reminds them that not only is Trump a bad dad to his own kids, he's an abusive dad to Americans. Screenwriter, comedian, and actor Simon Pegg joins Ronny to discuss the final installment of the legendary franchise, “Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning.” They talk about Pegg’s humble beginnings doing standup with his goldfish, how “Mission: Impossible” ​​Director Christopher McQuarrie weaved earlier films into the franchise’s ending, the power of movie theaters to unite people in experiences, and Tom Cruise’s comedic timing while performing epic live-action stunts.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to an iHeart podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Ronnie Chieng. Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Ronny Chieng. We got so much to talk about tonight. America gets some dome, Republicans deal with their daddy issues, and something associated with Donald Trump went wrong for the first time ever. So let's get into the headlines.

Let's kick things off with President Trump's meeting with the President of South Africa today. And because it's Donald Trump things got weird. Death. Death. Death. Horrible death. Death. I don't know. What a host! Death. Death. Death. Hey, do you want a Diet Coke? Yeah, go ahead. Death, horrible death. That's, now the reason Trump turned this White House event into a murder podcast is that Trump is convinced that there is a white genocide going on in South Africa, which of course means there is no white genocide

happening in South Africa. It's not even mathematically possible. I mean, you'll never run out of white South Africans when one of them is making 5,000 kids a week. But still, Trump thinks there is one, and you know he cares about it because he said, white genocide. It's like someone told him,

hey, it's not just a genocide. It's a white genocide, you know, the bad kind. And Trump's like, oh, shit, get him in! But don't worry, South African president, there's a way out of this. Qatar got Trump a plane. What sweet, sweet bribe did you bring him? I brought you a really fantastic golf book.

Weighs 14 kilograms. And it showcases the golf courses in our country. Yeah, you f*** that up. You lost Trump at book and you... You definitely lost him at kilograms. If you really want to impress Trump, you should have given him one of your golf courses. Then Trump would be like, hell yeah.

Sorry, white South Africans, if that's even a real thing. Thoughts and prayers. Let's move on from a fake international crisis to a real domestic one. If you bought any Trump merchandise, I don't want to surprise you, but it might be a piece of junk. Trump time.

A mistake on a Donald Trump keepsake might be funny to some. But it wasn't a laughing matter for the couple who paid more than $600 for the Trump branded watch. Get your Trump watch right now. Go to get Trump watches dot com. It's Trump time. Melanie Pettit likes the style, but it's what this watch does not have that makes it stand out. I noticed it right away. The T is missing. It just says R-U-N-P. So it should say Trump. Should say Trump. Instead.

It says rump. What a shocking story. I mean, truly I did not expect them to be able to read. And you might be thinking, what kind of respectable, horological craftsmen of luxury timepieces would allow this to happen. Well it turns out watches might just be their side business.

New eye-popping details about Donald Trump's watches and there's a link to Viagra Honey. This is a product that is born out of a licensing agreement with a company called the best watches on earth LLC. There is another company at this business, registered at the same address, called the Best Honey on Earth. They sell male enhancement honey, which is exactly what it sounds like. It is a product that helps men perform in the bedroom.

Wait, everyone shut up, stop laughing. That's boner honey? This changes everything. I mean, I guess this does explain why that honey I bought looks so weird. But, um, you know Trump's gonna be bathing that like the baron in Dune, but I... I just hope that those watches have like a little warning label on them like you do for people with nut allergies like warning this watch was manufactured in a plant that also processes honey the point is when Donald Trump sells you something you gotta be skeptical and I'm so glad we all learned our lesson. On an unrelated note, Donald Trump's

got something new to sell us. This morning, President Trump revealing his plans for a Golden Dome, a defense system designed to shield the U.S. from missile attacks. The Golden Dome will be capable of intercepting missiles even if they are launched from other sides of the world and even if they're launched from space. The Congressional Budget Office says it could cost up to 542 billion. Good news, everyone. Congress is cutting food stamps

or getting a Golden Dome. Yeah, if you're hungry, maybe you can try eating it. Quick question, though. Where did Trump come up with Golden Dome? The president has long praised Israel's Iron Dome, which can intercept and destroy short-range rockets, missiles, and drones. We're going to call it the Golden Dome. We had the Iron Dome, but somehow Golden Dome sounds better to me.

You know, it takes a special leader to look at what's going on in Israel and be like, hey, we need to copy those guys, all right? Cause it's going great. Second of all, I don't think missile defense shields work like frequent flyer programs, all right? Hey, check it out. Our dome just earned gold status. I hope China doesn't get a platinum dome then they get lounge access.

And by the way, the poster board he put up just raises even more questions. Like, why is every country launching missiles at us? It's starting to look like a us problem. But you know what? I guess the money is worth it if it's capable of defending all of America. A missile shield in the US

will not be capable of defending all of America. I'm a missile defense guy, but it's never gonna be possible to defend against everything. And so we are gonna have to be selective. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

Gonna have to be selective? Like what are we gonna do? Like what, just save New York and LA and what, the stage of good barbecue? Actually, yeah, yeah, that works. Yeah, let's go with that. Bottom line is it's incredibly expensive and it doesn't work. But at least we'll have a golden dome that says Trump on it.

Ah, f***. For more on the golden dome and whether it's cost-effective, we go live to Grace Kulinsmith. Grace. Grace. Let's be honest here. Is the Golden Dome really worth the price? You bet your Asian ass it is, Ronnie. Thanks to our big beautiful dome, Americans are finally safe from our enemies, which means

I'm finally free to become an international roast comic. Buckle up, Barani and Ayatollahs, because Roastmaster Grace is Ayatollah and you're gonna go fuck yourself! Okay, okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What, we're spending half a trillion dollars just so we can roast our enemies? Thanks to that metallic wonder bubble watching over us,

I can finally say, hey, Chinese President Xi Jinping, make like your pandas do once a year and get f**ked. Boom, roasted. Okay, Grace, Grace, Grace, you might want to hold off on ripping our enemies. Ronnie, we're fine. Gold doesn't melt. It's the strongest metal on earth.

Speaking of, who else we got on the earth? Oh yeah, what's up with this Erdogan guy? You're the president of Turkey? Good job being named after the worst food on Thanksgiving. Put some gravy on that shit! Whoo! Grace. Grace, isn't this the problem with missile defense shields?

It just encourages aggression. Sorry, I can't hear you under my no give a f***s umbrella. Hey, Lichtenstein, lick my ass! Fritz, take a shower! Russia, why don't you rush into the shower or something? Got em! Hey, Canadian Prime Minister, Mark Carney, do you have to suck moose s*** every night or you just do that for fun?

You pootie bitches, sorry, not sorry! Okay, okay, Grace, Grace, come on, Canada's not even the enemy. Oh my God, shut up, I haven't even gotten into Kim Jong-un. Kim Jong-un, more like Kim Jong-un fuckable. Hey Kim, you ever think about a demilitarized zone between the buffet table and your mouth? Boom, roasted, I am immortal!

Okay, okay. Grace, you do know that the dome isn't ready yet, right? Like it won't be active for a while. Like, like tomorrow I will be ready? No, I like at least three more years at best. Oh, worth it. Oh, okay. I'm sure she's fine.

Thank you, Grace. When we come back, Jollamay will give us his opinions. They don't go away. That was awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome.

That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome.

That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. Welcome back to The Daily Show. We all know I've got great opinions, but it turns out I'm not the only one. Studies show that other people also have opinions.

So here with another installment of In My Opinion is our good friend Charlamagne the God. Yes, yes. One of the big mysteries of the Trump era is how so many Republicans can see everything Trump is doing and not say anything. The blatant corruption, disregarding the Constitution, that MAGA masturbation dance. Mr. President, I don't know who you've been jerking off this whole time.

But if they haven't come by now, they never will, OK? Look, the whole point of a democracy is that the president is not an all-powerful figure who's always right and can never be questioned. That sounds more like a little kid's idea of their father. And I think that's the answer. Republicans aren't looking for a president, they're looking for a daddy.

Yeah, and that's not me just saying it, it's them. There are thousands of people here. They started screaming and chanting, daddy's home and daddy dog. It's like daddy arrived and he's taking his belt off. When dad gets home, you know what he says? You've been a bad girl. You've been a bad little girl and you're getting a vigorous spanking right now.

Check the stats, stop throwing stones, and straighten up sucker, cause daddy's home. What the hell? What the helly? You're 54 years old. You can't be talking about needing a daddy if you have an AARP card, okay? My God, if you got daddy issues, don't go into politics. Become a Skripper like a normal person.

Creepy point to the side. When most MAGA folks say they want a daddy, what they mean is they want somebody to protect him, and that's what Trump promises all the time. You will once again have a protector in the White House. I'm gonna be a protector. I will protect women at a level never seen before. I will protect our workers.

I will protect our jobs. I will protect our borders. I will protect our families. Yeah. Trump is protection the same way a condom is. Like, you see him coming, and you know you're gonna get f***ed. But here's the thing that I don't get about making Trump your father figure.

If you listen to his own family members, he sounds like he's a terrible father. He would not really be a dad which would take them for the stroll in the center park in the stroll or go and play the soccer with them or do something like that. It was always on the telephone making the business. I'll supply the funds and take care of the kids. It's not like I'm gonna be walking the kids down Central Park.

Donald Trump was never keen on bequeathing his name to anybody. It was Ivana who wanted to call their newborn son, Donald Jr. You can't do that, Trump is quoted as saying in Ivana's memoir. What if he's a loser? What if Don Jr. is a loser? I mean, I guess those hats are true.

Trump really is right about everything, okay? And Daddy Trump does something even worse than insult his children? He plays favorites among them. For instance, here's a fun Christmas story from Donald Trump Jr. himself. I got re-gifted all of the things that were monogrammed for him at times.

So, you know, there was one Christmas where he may or may not have given me the gift that I had given him the year before because I monogrammed it, and it was like, oh, yeah, here it is. He-he-he-he. Now. Now see if you can spot the subtle difference between giving the child he hates a re-gifted tie and what he gives the child he actually likes.

A great gift that my dad gave me recently is an apartment because I'm graduating. See, see, you see that? You thought he only denied housing to black people. Turns out he also denied it to his son. And maybe you're thinking, come on, Trump is proud of all his kids equally. He's not. I'm very proud because Don and Eric and Ivanka and, you know, to a lesser extent,

because she just got out of school, out of college, but Tiffany... That's kind of how he's treating the country, isn't it? Like, the red states are Ivankaking the blue states, yeah, we're Tiffany. You see Trump isn't just any dad, he's a particular type of dad the bully sometimes that's great for you know if you're having problems with another kid at school or immigrants are the president of Ukraine.

It will believe in for you but the thing is a bully that will bully his own kids to. President Trump has slammed Bolton as a wacko and incompetent, calling Rex Tillerson dumb as a rock and Jim Mattis overrated. Called Attorney General Jeff Sessions mentally retarded and a dumb southerner. Called Omarosa a low life and a dog. John Kelly, he's one of the dumbest people I've ever met. Stupid generals like Milley, he was a stupid person.

A person known as Nicky Birdbrain, Haley Birdbrain. Look man, if you hate your kids that much, at least have the decency to go out for cigarettes and never come back, okay? It's okay, we won't miss you. And when you have an emotionally unavailable dad, you're constantly having to beg for his love. And then you get stuff like this.

Your entire life, you have stood for doing things that other people thought they couldn't do. He is the most important, the smartest, the most capable leader in the world. The greatest negotiator, the greatest dealmaker, the greatest diplomat, and the greatest peacemaker. Every day is like waking up to Christmas. President, your first 100 days has far exceeded that of any other presidency in this country.

Ever. Ever. Never seen anything like it. Thank you. Yes, you're damn right. We've never seen Dick riding like this. Okay? All right? This is unprecedented glazing. All right? Or at least it's weird to talk about a president this way, but an emotionally abusive father, then it's very normal. Some of you know the drill. You stay on Daddy's good side because you know when he has a bad day, he's putting belt to ass. All right?

But Republicans, to paraphrase the immortal Mari Povich, he is not your father. Okay? All right? If you see him stepping out of line, accepting bribes from foreign countries, and violating the Constitution, call it out. Because the truth is, America doesn't need a daddy. It needs to grow up and not be a damn child itself. But that's just my opinion. -♪ Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, I mean the God everybody we come back Welcome back to the Daily Show

My guest tonight is a screenwriter comedian and actor who stars in the film Mission Impossible The Final Reckoning. Oh my God, please welcome of making the movie or doing the press afterwards man? You look great. I am very touched in a good way. Yeah, thanks for coming on the show. Oh, my pleasure. It was a pleasure. What's tougher, making the movie or doing the press afterwards, man? I've been on a press tour for four months. Yeah, I know. I don't know what day it is. I really don't know what day it is. All over the world, right?

Yeah, we started in Tokyo, Seoul, Cannes, London, here. And this is my last engagement. What a way to end the tour. Oh, wow. Thanks so much. Thanks for coming. My pleasure wow. Thanks so much. Yeah. Thanks for coming. Yeah. My pleasure. Thank you so much. I want to talk about one thing, maybe the only thing we might have in common,

is you used to do the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. I did. Back in the day, live performer, doing stand-up comedy. Yeah. In these bars. I used to do the Edinburgh Festival, too. Did you? Yeah. I was at the Underbelly. Did you hand out flyers all day long?

All day long. You hand out flyers begging people to come in to your show and then maybe three people come. Yeah. And you're in this makeshift cave with mold and asbestos. And you're doing comedy with three people. And then you go watch other people's shows. And you drink all night.

And you wake up the next day and you do it all over again. And you do it again. For like a month. It's like a month long. It's an amazing, amazing festival. Yeah. What's harder, that festival or Mission Impossible? Do you remember those two? Mission, I do.

I did that in 1995, and I had a little show. I had my goldfish with me, and he was called Rover, and I would perform poetry on behalf of my goldfish Rover, who was a Marxist. And I actually would take the real fish with me. It took me, like, a year to realize, like, I just put a b***h carrot in there and no one would know, you know.

But, yeah, it was great. And then, as a result of that, I got a tour of Australia. And, you know, it opens a lot of doors, Edinburgh. A lot of people are there. Right. And then you go from that, Edinburgh, which I was also. But my point is, like, with your goldfish in this small little room, in this closet,

and then your mission impossible. Yeah. I mean, it was a little, you know... Stuff along the way. Yeah, I did stand-up. I always wanted to be an actor. I did a stand-up coming out of university because it was a way to perform. I loved comedy, and I didn't have an agent, so, you know, stand-up was a great way

to be the master of my own. Sure. Not waiting for the phone to ring. Yeah. And then, through stand-up, I got into sort of sketch comedy, and then I wrote a sitcom with my friend Jessica, which Edgar Wright directed, called Spaced. And then, Shaun of the Dead happened. And then...

Yeah. And then... Yeah, the great... The great Edgar Wright and the great Three Flavors Conneto trilogy, starting with Shaun of the Dead, which was a kind of, I think, landmark independent comedy. I mean, was it independent? I mean... Very, yeah. I mean, we shot that script around. We decided we had a little moment in space

where I was fighting zombies, and Edgar and I were like, hey, we should make a zombie movie. I mean, we were so naive, you know, we thought, yeah, let's just do that now. And we wrote the script and we took it around. And it took a long time for someone to actually take a risk. And eventually Working Title, whose parent company was Universal, they sort of stepped in and we got it made. Yeah. And that was, I mean, quite a label of love. Absolutely. I mean, my God. You know, I was such a fan of George Romero growing up. The best moment was when George Romero, who is the godfather of the modern zombie film,

watched Shaun of the Dead in a cinema in Florida, guarded by a universal security guard like he was gonna steal our movie. Yeah. When the whole movie was going to steal our movie. Yeah. When the whole movie was just us stealing his movie. And he called us afterwards, and it was like speaking to Dad, you know. Oh, that's cool. It was incredible.

That's cool. And I mean, you know, that's such a triumph of independent comedy filmmaking. And, you know, we look at what in 2025 right now, and we kind of look back on films with a lot of nostalgia, sometimes rose-tinted glasses. I mean, do you feel that was a moment in time? Is that replicatable, or are we... It's difficult because back then, in 2004,

we still went at the point we are now when there were so many different ways to watch movies. Like, now, we all have, you know, the right aspect ratio for movies in our houses. Our TVs are all, you know, the right size. They're big. They're not that expensive. We have all the streamers. The pandemic taught us that you can stay home and watch movies,

and that was a terrible lesson to learn, because, you know, what's better than watching a movie with a whole group of... In this time at the moment, when we're all at each other's throats, a movie theater is a place where you can all go, and you can have a huge kind of political kind of gulf between everyone in there, and yet you will all experience

the same emotions and you will share them, and it brings people together, you know, it's important. It does. And I will say no one here applauded. Thank you. They did not applaud. They disagreed. But... Boom! I will say the one one thing about, that is completely true, and all it takes is one really cool film to get people out again, and then you remember what it was like. I forgot for a while until I went out to go watch a film again. I was like, oh yeah, this is great.

This is a wonderful thing to do. It's way better than watching it on my toilet. Mission Impossible on your toilet is just... Never watch Mission Impossible on the toilet. Mission Impossible on your toilet is just... Never watched Mission Impossible on the toilet. Although I would advise you being on a toilet watching this particular Mission Impossible. Because it is, it does kind of, edge of a seat. I don't know, you talk about security with George Morell. They're on me for this, I can't give away any spoilers. I'm scared to talk about this. So am I. Yeah. So I don't know what we can say about it. Tom Cruise has a sniper on me 24 7.

All right. In case I spoil the movie. I mean, I can I guess I'll keep talking until someone drags me away. I mean, the movie is the this current mission possible. The final reckoning part two, I guess. Yeah. Right. And it is I mean, there's so many callbacks. It ties into all the movies. Yeah, Chris McQuarrie is the director, did a really good job of sort of like gathering all eight movies

and kind of like making this one the culmination of all of them, you know, so every choice Ethan Hunt has made through all the years leads to this. My first scene in Mission Impossible 3, which I filmed 20 years ago this year, I extol the myth of this thing called the rabbit's foot. And McHugh, you know, very artfully managed to pull all that into it, you know? And it makes the whole thing feel very contained

and, you know, it feels like an end. I mean, it calls back to even the first Mission Impossible, which is pretty interesting. Yeah, that knife. Can we even say it? Yeah, we can say that, because it's in the trailer. Anything in the trailer. I don't know what you mean.

But yeah, it's, yeah. But yeah, it calls back to the first one, so it really ties in everything. I mean, I got to ask, like, when you're on, Mission Impossible is kind of like the flagship movie franchise right now. When you're on it, is it? Because you went, you know, you've not only seen Edinburgh,

you've seen independent filmmaking. Yeah. When you're trying to get enough money to get a camera rolling. But Mission Impossible where it's just like, she doesn't want to take this money, just keep spending money. Like, do you see the, what would,

do you see struggle on that? Or it's just like, just whatever it takes to get this thing made. These two movies, we were supposed to finish sooner, but then, of course, we had the pandemic, and then we had the writer's strike, and we were sort of, you know, we were, it was a mission impossible, if you will, to get these films made.

But, yeah, the eye of the storm is always the same. It's you, it's the actors, it's the camera crew, it's the sort of camera-adjacent departments, and it always feels the same. It's just everything that surrounds it gets bigger on big films. Like, the sets get bigger. And Mission is all about practical.

Like, Tom does all of that stuff. Like, I mean, I watched it again the other night, and I'm just thinking, what? You know, he's hanging off a biplane. How the... What? Yeah, he's like zero gravity in between two. It looks like... You know, that's him. He just risk his life for cinema. I won't risk my life for anything other than my daughter. I know he really does risk it. And there's also something with Tom Cruise films lately, I think that where he's really brought this like analog. I don't know. Can you describe what that, you know, that love of moviemaking is that he gets this look

or this feel? I think it's because we've entered a fantastic age with digital, you know, CGI, that kind of thing. And we can create any environment, any planet, and we see that in all sorts of movies. And it's wonderful. And it's a great tool. But there was no substitute for seeing the actor playing the part, doing the crazy stuff,

because that way, the character never disappears. Like, when you hand over to a stunt professional, it's about the stunt, and the character sort of disappears a little bit. But you can see there's a bit of when he's trying to get into the back cockpit of this plane, and the wind hits him, and it just fills his head with air. Yeah.

It's the most unflattering picture of Tom Cruise you will ever see. He just goes... Right. But he does that, but he also stays in character, which is crazy, because he's hanging off a plane. I know. In Dead Reckoning, there's a bit, when I'm in the car, as I usually...

I'm always just telling him what to do. And he jumps off the cliff on a motorbike, and he's base-jumping, he's free-falling, and I say, are you on the train yet? And he says, I'm trying to get away from this mountain! And he delivers a joke in free-fall, you know? With comedy timing. Yeah, it's very impressive. Yeah, no, it is very cool. The movie is very cool.

Thank you so much for making the movie. Thank you for everything you've done. Thank you for making Charlotte the Dead. Thank you for everything you've done. Thank you for making Charlotte the Dead. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your talent with the world. I really appreciate it. You're my inspiration.

Hey everybody, Mission Impossible, the final reckoning will be in theaters and IMAX on May 23rd. It's time to play everybody. We're gonna take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Thanks for speaking to me. I got to be sent to the pit.

I got to be sent to the pit. I got to be sent to the pit. I got to be sent to the pit. I got to be sent to the pit. That's our show for tonight. Now here it is, your moment of zen. We need an Air Force One until our since Air Force One it's being built.

Two of them being built. But Boeing's a little bit late, unfortunately. I'm sorry, I don't have a plane to give you. I wish you did. I'll take it. I would take it. If your country offered the United States Air Force a plane, I would take it. Okay. the podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus.

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