The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Trump Claims To Declassify Documents With His Brain | Xolo Maridueña

Episode Date: September 23, 2022

Donald Trump says he can declassify documents with his mind, Dulcé Sloan challenges passersby with dicey questions about education, and "Cobra Kai" star Xolo Maridueña sits down with Trevor.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Coming to you from New York City, the only city in America. It's the Daily Show. Tonight, Trump's latest excuses. Should we go back to school? And Sholo Mare Dwen. This is the Daily Show with Trevor Noah. What's going on, everybody? Welcome to the Dennis Robinoa. Thank you so much to tuning in. Thank you for coming out in question. Thank you for being here, everybody. Thank you so much for being it.

We have got a wild show to be tonight. Take a seat. Let's get into it. Donald Trump is Professor X. The New York subway is about to replace House of Dragon as your favorite show, and we'll find out why Russians are all going on vacation at the same time. So let's do this people. Let's jump straight into today's headlines. All right, I'm going to be honest. With all the news that happened today, I don't think we have enough space in today's show. All right, I'm really sorry. you know, it's too much. No, it's like we were at an All You Can Eat News buffet and there's just only so many stories like your mom can fit in her purse

while the waiter is not looking. There's just not enough time for it all. Fortunately, not enough time is just enough time for a segment we call. Ain't nobody got time for that. All right, let's kick things off with the ongoing legal troubles of America's 45th President, Donald Jurisdiction Trump. The only former president with a sidegig selling bedazzled classified documents on Etsy. You see, Trump is still being investigated by the Justice Department for keeping over 100 classified documents in a closet at Marilago, pretty much the least secure place in the world outside of Adam Levine's DMs. And Trump, and Trump has been coming up with all kinds of defenses for what he did.

They said, oh, the FBI planted the evidence. They said, everyone takes work home with them, and then they said, Trump was trying to protect the documents from Nicholas Cage. But last night, during an interview with Sean Hannity, Trump came up with a new excuse that may have topped them all. A defiant Donald Trump pushing back, the former president is insisting he had the power to declassify document seized from his Marlago home, just by thinking about it. If you're the President of the United States, you can declassify just by saying it's declassified,

even by thinking about it. And there doesn't have to be a process, there can't be a process, but there doesn't have to be. Hold, hold, hold on. Donald Trump can't declassify documents with his brain? How? How does this happen? classified documents with his brain? How? How? He can't even read documents with his brain. How does this happen?

I really hope that I can make things happen with my mind is going to be the actual argument at the trial. That would be great. Your Honor, the defendant pleads Jedi. So Trump is saying that he declassified these documents just by thinking about it, which I don't even believe because that will be the first time in his life, that Trump has thought something and not said it out loud. Think about it.

This is a man who thought to himself, who, if I wasn't related to my daughter, I would date her. And then he told everyone on way, if this all happened in his head, you do realize that means now the FBI is going to have to raid his brain for the evidence. That's going to be a nightmare for them. Oh guys, all right, let's see what we have in here. Wow, it's a lot of bikinis, a lot of bikinis, a Miss America in a bikini. Is that Putin in a bikini? A hamburger in a bikini? Oh, what's going? Hold up, hold up. I think I found the documents.

I got them, the classified documents, but they're in a bikini. Now, if we had more time, we could talk about the massive ramifications of Donald Trump having a super power that only applies to documents but we just we don't have the time because in that same interview he gave a different excuse that was even more mind-boggling. Here is Donald Trump's new theory revealed just an hour ago about what the FBI was really looking for with their search warrant. There's also a lot of speculation because of what they did the severity of the FBI coming and raiding Marlago. Were they looking for the Hillary Clinton emails that were deleted but they are around someplace. Were they looking for the spying or junk... No no they may be saying they may have

thought that it was in there. Okay. Wait wait wait. What? Even Sean Hanley's like, wait, I'm sorry, man, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I don't understand. Like, what, what, I was so confused? So is Trump saying the FBI raided his house to find Hillary's emails? So they didn't want the documents he declassified with his mind? No, they wanted the emails he couldn't find, but that he actually had the whole time at his house? Because Donald Trump is Hillary Clinton? What? What?

What? So, America really did elect its first female president? What? This is so insane! And if we had more time, we could talk about how great it is that Hillary Trump broke the glass ceiling, or we could talk about how amazing it is that Sean Hand he basically gave Trump a softball,

and Trump hit himself in the dick with his bat, but we don't have the fun. We don't have the time to have fun with all of that. Because while American people are getting embarrassed by their leaders, Iran's people are rising up against theirs. Hundreds of Iranians risking their lives to protest the country's ultra-conservative dress code for women and much more. If they were sparked by the death of 22-year-old Masa Amini while she was in the custody of Iran's notorious morality police, she was detained for the crime of showing her hair in public, and tha, and tha, and tha, and tha, and tha, tha, tha, and thi, thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and to, and to, and toe, and toe, toe, and, to have, to have, to have, to have, to have, to have, to have, to have, to have, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, to have, toe, to have, to have, to have, to have, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to have to have their thii, to have to have their to have their their theanananii, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, their, showing her hair in public. In a brave show of defiance, women in Iran's capital of Tehran are now removing their state-mandated hijabs. The scope of these protests, John, are rare but also

unprecedented in their feminist nature where you're seeing women at the forefront of these protests, leading these protests, taking to the streets, removing their headscarves, setting up bonfires, burning their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their theironsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsets. Women theirons. Women theirons. Women theirons. Women their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their theironsonsonsons..... women. women. women. women. women. women. women. women. Women. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their teens. te. teaunn. teauiiaunn. teaunn. teaunn. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. the forefront of these protests, leading these protests, taking to the streets, removing their headscarves, setting up bonfires, burning their headscarves, chanting death to the dictator in reference to the supreme leader. Yeah, women in Iran. Women in Iran, who all have stories of being detained or harassed by the morality police are fighting back. And rightfully so. Rightfully so. Think about it. You're going to have a bunch of random people walking around

Iran telling women what to do with their own bodies? In America, you have to be on the Supreme Court to do that. And what the women of Iran are doing is inspiring people all over the world. I mean, you saw them, they're chanting th a th a chanting th and tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, than than than, than, than, than, than, than, thathea, than, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi.a.a.a.a. thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.a.a, thi.a, thi. I mean you saw them, they're chanting death to the dictator in front of the dictator's troops. That is the definition of bravery, like actual bravery. Real bravery. Yeah. Not like the way we use it here, like when a musician tries acting. Oh, this was a real risk for you. And that bravery has been contagious because in the past week, these protests have gotten bigger and angrier. And in response, the Iranian government

is trying to control the flow of information by shutting down access to apps like WhatsApp and Instagram. But this is something I wonder what these governments sometimes, do they realize that people protested before social media? Yeah, like, thiiiil Nelson Mandela wasn't on Tick-Tock, like, Yo, it's your boy Nelson, straight up kicking it in present. Ah, ha, ha. Now, if we had more time, we could talk about how this protest follows on the heels of a series of events that has turned Iran into a powder keg.

The government's COVID response was terrible. The government's mismanagement th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, s, the government has brutally suppressed labor protests, and on top of all of that, the United States has sanctioned Iran so badly that people can barely afford medicine. So this protest and this moment in time has many people in Iran wondering if this is going to be a tipping point. But we don't have the time to cover all of that. Because it turns out Iran's government is not the only one one that's one that's one that's one that's one that's one that's one that's one that's one that's one that's one that's one that's one that's one that's one that's one that's one that's one that's one that's one that's one that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's protesters detained by Russian police after taking to the streets. Young men chanting, I don't want to die for Putin.

Mother's screaming, send Putin to the trenches, let our children live. This after President Putin suddenly announcing he would call up 300,000 men for military service after his massive losses in Ukraine. Other Russians are fleeing the country. Flights from Moscow to all visa-free destinations selling out quickly. There are also long lines of cars heading to Finland, which has open borders. Yeah, that's right. After Russia's angriest elf announced that he was going to be drafting 300,000 people into his war in Ukraine, the Russian people are trying everything to get out of the country, which I totally get. I get it.

I mean, think about it. Think about it. This guy is fighting a war for no reason. He made it up. It's like when your friend gets drunk and then tries to get you involved in a fight that thip, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, th, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which thi, which thi, which I's, which I's, which I's, which I's, which I's thi, which I's, which I's thi, which I'm, which I'm, which I's, which I's, which I's, which I's, which I's, which He's like, come on, bro, he spilled his shirt all over my beer. It's like, yeah, I'm just gonna Uber home. And remember, the Russians don't have Uber, so they're trying every other way to get out, you know, any way they can.

Some are flying out. Others are driving cross border. Some are even hitting up Ronder. We fly Martha's Vineyard years? And look, if we had more time, we could talk about whether the resistance to Putin's draft could spur more opposition to the war itself, or we could talk about how Putin needing to have a draft undermines everything he's set up until now, because remember, he's always insisted that this wasn't even a real war. So what do you need 300,000 more soldiers for? Does he need help moving to figure that out. Because while Russia is ramping up the war in Ukraine, here in New York City, here in New York

today there is a major escalation in the war on crime. Well, the MTA taking some new action to make our subway safer. It's going to install security cameras in every New York City subway car. The MTA adding surveillance to the thousand 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, to 6, to 6, to 6, to 6, to 6, to 6, to 6, to 6, to 6, to 6, to 6, thousand, thousand, thousand, thousand, thousand, thousand, thousand, the the, thousand, th, $5.5 million cost. Today, Governor Hokel got to test a major expansion of the surveillance system. Watch here as Hokel and MTA chairman Jan O'Leber board a 7 train at the Corona Yard, and then the hidden camera on board records them. If you think Big Brother's watching you on the subways, you're absolutely right. That is our intent.

That's right. I'm Big Brother watching over you. Just like in that book, I clearly didn't finish reading. Why would you want to be Big Brother? I get that they're trying to address crime, but we already have cameras in all the subways. Yeah, they're called iPhones. Anything, anything that those security cameras are going to pick up was already on Tick-Tock two days ago.

Don't get it twisted. And here's the thing, I'm not saying New York shouldn't try to make the subway safer, but is it the right way to spend the money? Especially when you consider how many other problems with the subway to thui, the the thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. the thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu-a thu-a thu-a'n'n'n'n'n't thi's thi, thi's to bea'a'a'a'a'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n't thau-a'n't, thau-a'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n't, than't, than't, than't, than't, than't, than't, they don't always look like shit's about to go down. Like, have you been in a New York City subway lately? It looks like the world ended, and Will Smith is about a shop with his dog. That's how it looks.

And look, if we had the time, we could talk about why officials are always quick to spend money jerking off on the subway when they could be spending money investing in housing so that those people could jerk off in their own homes. Or, we could talk about how America loves investing in catching criminals as opposed to investing in a society where people are less likely to commit crime, but unfortunately we don't have the time to talk about all that because Big Brother is telling me, and it's time for us to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tak to tak tell tell to tell to to to to to to to to. Welcome back to the Daily Show.

You know. There's There's so much arguing in America today. But we here at the Daily Show think they could be even more. You know, there's so much arguing in America today, but we here at the Daily Show think there could be even more. So to do our part, here's Dulce Sloan with another installment of Prove Me Wrong. You know, it's a special time of year where the crisp is back in the air.

Your exes are calling you back, and we have sent those bad-ass kids back in that building. So welcome to prove me wrong. Back to School Edition. These kids ain't that bright anyway. Why keep using your tax dollars to teach these little monsters. Why do you think school should stop at third grade? What did you learn in the fourth grade that you still use? Cursev?

Now, how am I going to remember what I learned in the fourth grade? I don't remember what I wore last week. That's what I'm saying. If you can't remember what you learned in the fourth grade, then why did you need to go past the third? Now, that's the valid point's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheat. I can't sell you nothing I learned past third grade. I want you to prove me wrong. Popularity in school does matter. Proof me wrong!

I think when you're showered with attention and cuddled too early, like all the people like you, it's not good for your development. Now where did you go to school? In Germany? Germany? Yeah, southern Germany. So you're saying that you shouldn't be popular because the popular kids end up selling snitzel or some shit. Which is not bad for itself, right?

But yeah, I'd say so. There is no reason to teach spelling anymore. Hurt me up. Spelling is so important. I don't want to be rude, but I mean, spelling is like... You're not being rude, I said prove me wrong, you walked over here. I mean, spelling is like, first thing you learn in school. We have all of these computers that tell us, hey, the word just spelled wrong.

What about the people who aren't as lucky't know, like people around the world. I haven't lived that life, but I know they exist. No, I'm only talking about the fools here. Okay, so this is no reason to teach spelling anymore in the US. Listen, I'm an American. I don't think about anyone else. Why would I think this extrapolateive people shouldn't be allowed to be teachers. Who me not? Well, I think attractiveness is a very subjective thing.

He could be attractive to you or not to me. There's no way we can like say ugly people. I don't play this game. We know who's ugly. We do this all the time as people. It's like, attractiveness. No, attractiveness is relative. No, it's not. I definitely paid more attention in class when it was an attractive teacher. I agree. I felt math four time. You only get to take it four times. Yeah, I felt it all four times.

No, I finally passed on the fourth time, actually. But what about all the other math you had to take? I think your counting might be still opposite. I don't know what physics are. I know biology is his bodies, chemistry is the chemicals. What the hell is physics? Physicals? I think a hot or not teacher doing physics isn't going to help. Well, thank you so much. I think we've figured out that hot teachers are a detriment to us all.

Disagre. Are you a teacher? Really? What school is this? Can I enroll? See, that's my boy. You can't have hot teachers. I wouldn't learn shit with him standing in front of me. Did you see them pecks on that man? The disrespect. He should be fired immediately. Thank you so much for that. Stay tuned, because when we come back, Sholo Mariguana will be joining me on the show.

You know whatto miss it. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to the today. My guest will be known. to be known everywhere as the DC superhero Blue Beetle. But today he's here to talk about everywhere as the DC superhero Blue Beetle, but today he's here to talk about being in the new season of Cobra Kai, which is streaming right now on Netflix. Please welcome Sholo Mariduena. Thank you. Thank you. It's so good to have you here. You are experiencing a trajectory that few people have ever experienced.

that few people have ever experienced. Obviously, people love you on Cobra Kai. Thank you. It's so good to have you here. You are experiencing a trajectory that few people have ever experienced. Obviously people love you on Kobakai. You know, every outlet from e-news all the way through to like every publication online is just like, you are the it guy.

I think I read somewhere they said, you are the internet's boyfriend. The internet's boyfriend, okay? That's, I haven't heard that one before. I've never heard it either. I think my mom maybe she was putting in a good word for me. But you really are having a great run. Congratulations. I mean, Coburcite, what is it? Season 5 now? Season 5. Yeah, yeah, I hope we get to do another one, but. It seems like you will. Five seasons.

It seems like you will. To really popular show. It seems like, to be a really, you weren't even alive when the karate kid came out. I was barely alive when the Jayden Smith one came out. I, I, uh, no, I had seen it though. I mean, it's, it's pivotal. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, I feel like everyone has seen it, right?

I, yeah, it's, it's, it definitely is, is, released, did I realize, was so close to so many people's hearts. It's like, it's part of the law, it's part of, you know, it went around the world, making culture. It got their own Marvel Cinematic Universe. They're bringing people from the past. Yeah. It does feel like that. Let's talk a little bit about the show itself. You know, you're learning martial arts and everything. your character. Do you actually learn, because I like how people get to learn the stuff on the shows they're doing. Can you fight? I can fight, yes. I don't know if I can fight you to fight well. I think, if I were to be in a fight in real life, I'd be like, can you throw it

with the other hand? I'd only know how to block it on this side. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. If there's a If there's. If there's. If there's. If there's there there there there there there there there there there there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's a there's there's there's there's there's there's there's their. If their their their their their their their their their their their their. If their. If their. If their. If their. If their. If their. If. If. If. If their. If. If their. If. If th. If th. If th. If th. If th. If th. If th. If th. If th. If th. If th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thee. I th. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I th know, I was very fortunate that the character didn't know karate either at the beginning. So I was able to play it along, like I remember being in the chemistry read and faking that I couldn't do a push-up. And they were like, this guy's hilarious. This guy's, this guy's our guy. And I was like, what, right? But now you've gotten a push-up, yes. You know, the show is beloved.

You are also somebody who people are getting to know. You've had a really interesting journey. I mean, you started acting at the age of 10, I believe. Like, how are you normal? No one else is honestly, I feel like a lot of child stars aren't well adjusted, and as they grow up they become, they become like, and I understand what happens to them. I'm not even blaming them. No, no.

But you seem normal, you know, I met your mom, she's great and you're just like coming. She's like, she's like, yeah, she's normal as well. I, you know, I think, I mean, I went to public school, I went, I went, I went, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to with the curriculum. I was in a regular high school. And my core group of friends are the friends that I've had for the longest time. I think that's the secret. And I was also really blessed that Cobra Kai blew up over the pandemic. So I wasn't, I wasn't out and about. There wasn't like walking around with, you know, the stranger things.

No. Don't take the stranger tha tha tha tha tha tha thanger than than than than thin thin thin thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I thin' that I thin' thin' thin' thin' thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I thi. thi. thi. thi. thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin. thin. thee an thin. theanan. theanann' thin. theananann' that that that's that thin', I was at home, like, oh man. I'm going to Trader Joe's with my mask on like, guys, Do you know who's under that? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's, it's, it's been so cool to see you, you're right. Because I mean, obviously, C.K.K.K.S. to be a superhero. tho' thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. thi. to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. the, I. the, I. the, I. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to... to......................................pped you as the Blue Beetle, which is historic. And what's also impressive is that you didn't ask you to audition for the role. No, I think, you know, I was very fortunate.

I had met the director Angealwa Soto, who's, you know, I give him credit for all of this because he really believed in me. And I had met him at Sundance a few years prior to the movie and I guess I left somewhat of an impression and he had watched the show and he was like, oh I think this is perfect and and obviously we had conversations it wasn't like I got a call like you got it you're the guy and I was like yeah that would be great you are the blue beetle I'm like what okay a package a package gets sent with the scare of no, no, no. But we had conversations about it and I think we were really on the same page with what the movie meant, you know, not only to myself and him, but to the greater community, the

greater, you know, brown community? Yeah, definitely. Yeah, no. And we were on the same page, so we're like, let's do it. It means so much to community. It also means so much to see somebody as young as you in an industry that for so long was defined in a certain way, redefining what that industry is. You know, I wonder even beyond how people perceive you. How do you process the world that you're in, you know, with social media, with

all these things? Because previous generation of actors and celebrities didn't have to deal to to to toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, to be their, toe, to be their, their, to be their, to be their, their, to, their, their, tho, their, thi, thi, their, and, their, and, and, their, and, their, and, and, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, and, their, and, their, their, so, some, some, some, some, some, some, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thiiiii.e, throwne.s, toeanananan, toe.s, toe.s, toe.s, toe.s, toe.s, toe.s, toe.s, th th th th th th things because previous generation of actors and celebrities didn't have to deal with that. Do you ever find that there's a lot of pressure to be in two worlds? You can't just focus on what you do, you have to focus on how people see you online or is that just part of your life? Yes, I think it definitely is something to think about but also I like to I definitely am a big proponent of like thiola you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be I to be I to to to to to to to be I to to be I to be I don't to be I to to to to to to to to to to be I will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will you you you you you you you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to try me me me try you try you try you try you try you try you try try to to to try to to to to to to to to would love to do Vogue and stuff like that, but also I pull out my butt cheeks all the time. Like I'm definitely a normal 21-year-old and my family was super, like they are also always like, just you're also a kid.

Like you can be a kid and that's okay. And obviously there's a sense of professionalism that comes with being in this industry. But that all kind of came naturally working around adults all the time. And the first show that I ever worked on for a couple years was the show called Parent that, and I was around only adults. So it was kind of odd being around, like, Ray Romano are these guys. And I was just like, yeahthese are my co-workers. And then I'd go back to school, like, nobody would believe me because nobody as a middle

schooler watched parenthood. They were like, so they were like, my mom's cry to you, but I don't know. So I was, you know, with the social media, I've been able to kind of just do me. I like, I like, do what you do, work really hard, but always remember to pull your butt cheeks out. Always remember to pull your butt cheeks out, yeah, yeah, yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you.

Show the Marty Gwana, everybody. We're going to take a quick rake. We'll be right back. That's tonight. Watch the Daily Show, Week Nights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.