The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Trump Eyes Cuba Takeover, MAGA Brawls Over Micropenises & Is the New Ayatollah Gay? | George Saunders

Episode Date: March 18, 2026

Jordan Klepper dives into the confidence boost from a former U.S. president that supposedly inspired Trump to consider “taking Cuba,” counterterrorism official Joe Kent resigning over the war in Iran, and MAGA turning on each other with “micropenis” allegations. Plus, Troy Iwata runs his gaydar on Iran's new supreme leader to find out if he’s queerbaiting Americans. Freedom of speech is under attack, but thanks to the Trump administration, now you can say anything you want about the president for just $50 a month! Fork over your cash and rest easy knowing that Free Speech Plus has your back, as long as you don't mention corruption, cankles, Epstein, or his little d**k. Subscribe today! NYT’s Bestselling author, George Saunders sits down with Jordan Klepper to discuss his latest novel, “Vigil.” They discuss how he tapped into the mindset of a character who is forced to rationalize their horrible decisions, how accountability can be a form of grace, and  Saunders even credits the people of Minneapolis in demonstrating this in the way they peacefully yet firmly protested ICE’s actions, and his source of light amidst the cruelty and chaos in the world. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Jordan Klepper. Much to talk about tonight. Trump wants to grab Cuba by the Kohibas. Free speech updates its terms and conditions, and Maga gets into a big fight over small penises.

So, let's get into our ongoing coverage of the war in Iran. Nothing bad can happen. It can only good happen. Now, according to public polling, the war in Iran has less support at its outset than any previous American war. And wars are almost always popular in the beginning. They're kind of like Apple TV shows. People are like, I don't know what's going on here, but for some reason, I'm on board. But President Trump doesn't need popular support or converse. congressional consent to declare war, because he's got a high-profile fan on his side. President Trump made news when he suggested a former president he's been speaking with wishes he had done to Iran what Trump has done.

I spoke to one of the former presidents that I actually like, and he said, I wish I did what you did. Okay. First of all, why is the president holding onto the desk like it's a safety bar and a Six Flags roller coaster? No, come into the obel. I'll be right with you, just letting my French tips dry, you know? No biggie. But the big question is which former president gave Trump props for the war in Iran? Come on, Trump, spill the beans! I just want to ask you about something very interesting that he said twice today.

Did you talk to another former president about the Iran strikes? Was it George W. Bush? I know. Was it Bill Clinton? I don't want to say. I think you've said plenty. you've said plenty, Mr. Trump. I don't want to give away who it is.

All I can say is that I was recently helping him prep for his Epstein Island deposition. That's all. By the way, I love how Peter Deucy is trying to play guess who with our toddler president. Is he wearing glasses? Is he bald? If he was doing karaoke, would he be allowed to sing

all the words in Gold Digger? Now, there's also another possibility, and this may come as a shock, which is that maybe, just possibly, Trump pulled the whole thing out of his ass. It needs to each of the four living former presidents all deny they have had any such conversations with President Trump. Yes.

The living former presidents denied talking to Trump. Trump never said living. What's more likely that Bill Clinton thinks starting a half-baked war in the Middle East was a good idea, or that Trump spent 20 minutes talking to a portrait of Grover Cleveland. Regardless of who he's been talking to about it,

I'm just glad the president has his mind 100% completely focused on this daunting situation with Iran. I do believe I'll be the honor of having the honor of taking Cuba. No! You finished the war, we just got you!

This is not the time to be taking Cuba. By the way, what do you mean? by taking Cuba. Taking Cuba. Taking Cuba in some form, yeah. Taking Cuba. I mean, whether I free it, take it,

I think I could do anything I want with it. You want another, too? You can do anything you want with it? I don't know what's worse, that he's talking like a supervillain or that he sounds so bored about it. You should be cackling with lightning in the background when you say shit like that.

Why are you sounding like Lexa Pro Luther over here? The world is just. Mine, Superman, I guess. Whatever. While Trump seems unengaged, some people in his administration are getting worked up. Breaking news. The head of the National Counterterrorism Center, Joe Kent, announced just

hours ago that he is resigning immediately over the war in Iran. Oh! I mean, that would be even more damning if this guy wasn't an unqualified crackpot, but... It still has to shake up a president when one of your appointees resigns

resigns over your war. I read his statement, and I always thought he was a nice guy, but I always thought he was weak on security, very weak on security. You know what? I guess that tracks. Everyone knows the qualifications for running the National Counterterrorism Center go, nice guy, brings muffins to the morning meeting, and then all the way down the list, good on security.

But this split is dividing the entire MAGA movement right now. There's the anti-war side with people like Joe Rogan, Tucker Carlson and Megan Kelly. And there's the pro-war side with Sean Hannity, Lindsey Graham, and Mark Levin. And as you can imagine, the quality of an internal MAGA debate is highly intellectual.

On the X platform, Mark Levine posted, poor Megan Kelly, an emotionally unhinged, lewd, and petulant wreck. She's completely revealed and destroyed herself. In response, Megan Kelly posted, Micro penis Mark Finkie as the monopoly on lewd. He doesn't like it when women like me fight back because of his micro penis.

Oh, feels like a bat at the Oxford debate club. Be it resolved, that dick be tiny. Now, it's not a good look for President Trump to have his followers fighting so publicly over their micropenuses. Donnie, why don't you step in and heal the divide? President Trump defended Mark Levin, posting that he is somewhat under siege by other people with far less intellect capability and love.

for our country. Mark is tough, strong, and brilliant. In response, Megan Kelly posted that Mark Levin went running to daddy about his micropinus. Damn it, Megan! Oh! It's obviously not fair to accuse Mark Levin of running to daddy about his micropenus. Although I imagine having a micro penis makes the running a lot easy.

Totally unrelated, but in high school, I was the slowest guy in gym class. By the way, did you notice that, at no point did Trump deny the micro penis allegations? Not exactly the full-throated defense you want. He has a micro penis. Hey! He's a nice man! Also, I'm sorry.

Aren't we at war? You're tweeting about your buddy's micro penis. Was FDR taking time out of his fireside chats to be like, anyway, that's how D-Day went. Now, if I may say a few words about whether my friend Zachary has a chode? Please, please. Is there anybody who can calm the situation? Marjorie Taylor Green, you're a...

You're a respected member of Maga. Perhaps you can bring some intellectual substance to this debate. Former Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Green posted, I wholeheartedly support Megan Kelly telling the world that Mark Levine has a microp penis. Marjorie, come on! Not all this talk about micro-whiteness. penises were losing sight of the real reason we attacked Iran, which is shit. You know what? Now that I think about it, we never got an answer to that, actually. And believe

me, I've been searching for one harder than Mark Levins urologist, you know? Boom! Sorry, Mark, I had to get in one last small one. Just like you. Boom! Okay, look, can conservatives please just stay focused on the actual war. There's a new Ayatollah in power who is dead set on revenge. You should be talking about him, not gossiping about men's penises. The New York Post is reporting that the president was just briefed about the new Ayatollah. Sources are saying Ayatollah Jr. might be gay.

You gotta love that banner. New Ayatollah is probably gay. Give it up for the fourth estate, everyone. Wow. Bravo. Yes. Love the media, who apparently are now reporting gossip like their high school mean girls. This just in from the CIA, the new Ayatollah got his period in the driver's ed car. Fine, fine. I guess we're doing this. Media establishment. Let's hear that hot, hot goss. Ayatollah Jr. might be gay and has been making aggressive sexual advances on his male caretakers while hopped up on meds.

His father reportedly thought he was too gay to be Iran's supreme leader. Too gay? I like the implication that the supreme leader of Iran should be a little gay. He should be like, death to America, except Lady Gaga. So that's basically where we're at right now. This country has launched itself into a devastating regional war in the Middle East. The president is focused on taking Cuba. his movement is split amongst themselves,

and the media is turning into TMZ. The quality of our discourse has absolutely vanished. And in these fraught times, is it too much to ask for just a little bit of thoughtfulness and dignity? If we could just have the smallest amount, it would still be bigger than Mark Levins. Peter's best of Charlotte.

For more on the rumors about Iran's new Supreme Leader, Let's go live to the Pentagon with Troy Iwana. Troy, what do you think about the rumors that the Ayatollah is gay? Well, Jordan, as the only gay person in the entertainment industry, I can assure you that the Ayatollah is not gay. Okay, well, that makes sense.

He's obviously queer baiting, and I don't appreciate it. I'm sorry, queer baiting? Yes, yes. It's exactly what everyone in Hollywood does to a T, okay? They take a straight man, tease the idea that he might be a little, uh, and then just watch everyone get obsessed trying to figure out if he is indeed a little, uh, it's so manipulative.

But why would he even do that? The Islamic regime is very homophobic. It doesn't matter how homophobic the regime is. A good story is a good story, you know? Think about it. A closeted leader of a homophobic nation forced to lead after your father, who never accepted your lifestyle,

is suddenly killed, And now you're burdened with the responsibility to pass laws and uphold traditions that go against your true nature when all you ever wanted to do was just feel that spotlight? You're right, Troy, I feel so bad for it. He's not gay, Jordan. He's just sucking you into this fake narrative by doing what every Hollywood TV show does.

It's so gross. I would only watch like half of it. Oh my God. I mean, what if he falls in love within his real, Rayleigh General, but they can only see each other across the straight of whore moves, and all of their communication has to be nonverbal. Oh my God, can you imagine? That would be so sad and hot. Wait, stop, stop. No, you're getting me sucked into it now.

Stop it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, you're right. It's a very powerful technique. Why doesn't our president try queer baiting? Donald is not going to pretend to be gay, Jordan, okay? He's pretty gay already. What are you talking about?

He's married to a woman. Oh, wow. A gay man has never been married to a woman before. Totally. Oh, yeah. He's not gay. He just tore down his wife's office to build a ballroom. But how do we know he's just not queer baiting, too?

Because in order for queer baiting to work, people need to want to have sex with you. Troy Juana, everyone. We come back to president. My morning flew by and I didn't have time to cook. anything. And I looked up at the clock and now it's 10 a.m. and I'm hungry and it's March. That's what I said to myself this week, realizing that life is super chaotic and we just don't have time to do everything that we want. What do I want? Easy nutrition that's ready for me whenever I want that actually tastes good. This is where my friends at Hewell come in, sponsor of this podcast. That's H-U-E-L. Huel is a perfect

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looking at the licenses of some of these corrupt and highly unpatriotic news organizations. What are you doing, man? You're still going after the press? There's no more mergers left to approve. We're all just subsidiaries of one company now. Correction. One great company. Sign up for Peril Warner Dismax Fubu Kock today. Now, on the bright side, at least Trump has stopped short of calling journalists criminals, because that would be a huge escalation.

President Trump falsely accused outlets of coordinating with the Iranian government to spread falsehoods. Writing, quote, you can say that those media outlets that generated it should be brought up on charges for treason. I actually think it's pretty criminal because our media companies who have no credibility whatsoever, You think they could be in? Accusing the media of treason? You know what? I've got something for you to read, Mr. President. It is called the Constitution of the United States of America,

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Huh? Bulgogi Rice Bowl 1699. Kim Chi Extra. Does that mean anything to you? But if President Trump is trying to limit journalists' freedom of speech, it might only be a matter of time before he tries to limit ours. Luckily, there's a new service that can help. Oh my gosh. Have you been watching the news? They're cracking down on anyone who criticizes the president. I know. I'm worried about my freedom of speech.

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And here I thought just my constitutional right to pre-speech was enough. Free speech plus, there's no limits to what I can say. Well, there are some limits. For example, no fat jokes, no dumb jokes. nothing about his little dick or his fat angles. Nothing about demolishing the East Wing or the Nobel Peace Prize or corruption.

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Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. Vigil. Please welcome George Saunders. I'm humbled to have you here. I'm humbled to be here. I loved this book for the dumb folks who haven't read it yet. Tell us a little bit about what this book is about. It's basically the outline is a stinker dies.

A stinker dies. There's a guy who has been really active in the climate change denial back in the Bush-Cheney era. And it's the last night of his life. So, you know, hilarity ensues. And you empathize. You show some empathy for this oil tycoon. Yeah. Is this really the time for that, George?

It's always the time. No, I mean, when you're narrating somebody from inside his head, you find out that empathy is kind of, or maybe not empathy, but kind of a level of understanding. You know, you're talking about his childhood. And to me, the interesting thing about this book was, if you're a stinker, a guy who's really done bad things, how do you narrate that to yourself?

I don't think it's the Curella Deville School of Evil where you're like, yeah, yeah, I'm evil today and I'm loving it. But there's something going on. So how does, for three years, the question was, how does a guy who's done that, and he knows he's done it? So how does he speak to himself?

Yeah. You know, how does he rationalize it? And so, yeah, so you're getting in the mindset of somebody who's done on the surface some pretty horrible things and made some decisions. Yeah. What do you discover about putting your head in that headspace?

I try not to put myself in the space of other people, in their shoes, in their headspace. I try to stay immune from that kind of empathetic response. Just hover above them. That's the best place. It's the best view. I don't know why everybody's so critical about it. What do you discover for being in that headspace?

Well, I mean, one thing, in his case, the whole thing in the last movie, it's the last two or three hours of his life. And there's a series of ghosts who come around, as they do, and try to convince him that he's been wrong. And so it was interesting to kind of look into your own mind and say, well, how do I deny shit, you know? How do I, if I'm, or stuff, whatever. Cable, baby, it is cable.

But, you know, but when we've done something which we hadn't done, there's actually a series of steps you go through. First is, I didn't do it. Well, I did it, but I didn't mean it. Or I did it and someone made me. And finally, towards the end, you might, if you're lucky, especially if it's the last night of your life, have a moment of real honesty and clarity.

Well, it feels like this book is also debating the idea of you have a character, a ghost, who is there to provide comfort. You have another character, the Frenchman, who in general, is there for accountability? Yeah. Want this oil tycoon to face some sort of retribution, or at least guilt and understanding on their deathbed? Like, where do you come down on that of offering comfort? What does that mean to you? Well, for me, the whole book was kind of exporting of my own mental stuff.

Like, as a career... Is this for people at all? This is just your own therapy that you're profiting off of George? Wow. It's a good gig. But, you know, the idea that, like, as a career-long liberal, you know, slightly left of Gandhi, you know, I want to forgive everybody. I want to forgive everybody, you know, and this one ghost, Jill, her point of view is, you know, none of us in the womb had a checklist of the way we wanted to be when we were born. So if it turns out that you were lucky and intelligent and articulate and all the things, that's great for you, but it isn't necessarily a game. So therefore, the proper relation to people is be merciful when they're wrong.

Don't be too triumphant when you're right. So she's kind of an angel. She's kind of a very spiritual being. But she's also really bad at her job. So for me, it became a debate about, like, liberals like myself, you know, if somebody hit you in the head with a rock, you're like, oh, thank you for the geology lesson. Right. But I know that's not serving us very well now.

You've got to have some spine. So the Frenchman is somebody who says, sure, you can forgive, but first you have to make people confess, and you have to reduce them to a place of honesty, and then you can start talking about repentance. How do you see that? I mean, in this day and age, I read that, and I want to be somebody who is like Jill,

this character who wants to comfort and see, use a wonderful phrase that their existence and who they are is inevitable because of the circumstances that they are in. But then you see that. up against somebody who's a climate denier and caused a lot of havoc in this world. And I do in this day and age, that is so devoid of accountability. I look to these characters and I wonder how much grace we should accord people who have done such terrible things.

Well, I mean, the ultimate grace, I think, is to hold somebody to say what you're doing is cruel. And you can't just keep doing it and we're going to stop you. So for me, like Minneapolis was a beautiful example of people saying, we're not going to become violent, but we're going to stop this. And so to me, there's no real divide between compassion and firmness if you do it right. Because God knows, I mean, if you're, you know, list of people in the Trump administration, this isn't good for you.

You know, I heard a Buddhist teacher say, I wouldn't wish their situation on my worst enemy because of the karma or the sin that they're accruing. So in a certain way, I think to be firm. And for me, the whole thing is in this really confusing shit show to say, do I still have any clarity about what I really believe. Do I still believe in truth? Do I still believe in love? Do I still believe in community? For me, I'm thinking, like, the big job is to keep that clear in my mind. How do you do that? Just even stepping away, I think that is a question I'm asking every day. And, I mean, I hate to say it. When I go and I talk to people, both political and also friends, people are having a miserable time right now.

The world is on fire, where there is a war. We see cruelty celebrated. We are constantly inundated with misinformation in ways that may look us only angry and frustrated. It's hard to find that light. Where do you see that? You mentioned Buddhism. Is that a path that you have found it in? Is it writing books and then making money off of it?

It sounds like that's also effective for you? It works for everybody. No, I think, I mean, there's this old parable about a kingdom that only had one well. And for some reason, a witch or somebody poisoned the well, such that when the people drank the water, they would go insane. And so the king, who lived up on the hill, as kings do, he had his own well. Looking down on people again, it's the best vantage point.

But he had his own well, so the whole kingdom is going insane, and he's got the clean water up there. And in the parable, the decision is, does he drink the water, become insane, and thereby be able to rule his people? And in the parable, he does. He goes as crazy as it. In our time, I think the trick is to recognize the clean water in whatever way you can. For me, it's writing.

Fiction works, the way I would say it is, a good book is a series of moments in which the reader recognizes herself on the page, her experience, and her heart rises to it, and she's engaged. And this goes on and on, and there's some told love that two people who don't know each other have reassured one another of their mutual humanity. So you feel, hopefully reading my book, you feel that I believe you're as real as I am and vice versa. So I think that's a small thing. But for me, it's really helpful to every day go, I know shit when I see it. I know Shinaola, whatever that is, when I see it.

But I think in this time, you know, this fever is going to break because these are a bunch of incompetence. It's like we took the... You feel so? You have hope? You see that? I think what happened is we took the most pugilistic, simplistic, strange people in the high school and put them in charge of the prime.

You know, but I mean... But people got behind that. They did, and they did. And that to me is the one thing sort of intellectually I'm trying to work on it, how did that happen? You know, that so many people, many of whom I know and like, and I know you've met a good many, how did they make that decision? And that, I don't know. You wrote an amazing essay in The New Yorker in 2016. You went to Maga rallies at events to sort of take a look at what was happening to America at that time.

And you ended it, a question. I'm paraphrasing here, but that you saw America as a fragile place and you fear you never thought it could potentially dissolve or crumble in your lifetime. And you were questioning that then. We are now in 20, 26. Like, is there any addendum to that feeling? No, I'm still going, what's happening, was it? No, I mean, the one thing that struck me on that, it was, I think 2016,

I went to four or five rallies. And I just couldn't believe the extent of the siloing. You know, like, so I write from The New Yorker. And sometimes in a moment of weakness, I might drop that fact at a party, you know, just to feel better about myself. Thank you for admitting that. So many people come on the show, they don't admit it. Thank you. But so I'm at these rallies, and I'm feeling very insecure, you know, because I mean...

Yeah, that doesn't get you very far in a Trump rally. No, that's right, yeah. I don't feel so good. Do you know David Remnick? Do you know, Jill Leport? Do you? It doesn't get you anywhere. Well, and it's, I mean, kind of the anti-punch line is not a single person knew what it was,

which is fair enough. But I'd never before realized how divided we were. And so I think part of the answer to this is that we're getting different media fees. Like I said somewhere that, you know, if I go to fight with my anti-Trump uncle, we could just put two TVs in there, you know, put Fox on this one, MSNBC in this one, and we could leave the room and talk about something we know something about, you know. So there's something going on there. But I think the first order of business is to be firm in,

what we know is right, and our highest vision of the country, which is everybody's welcome. When you hear, you're going to get all the rights. You're going to get every right, and I'm going to fight for them, no matter who you are or what you are. Those are pretty good ideas, and they've been corrupted by this crew. But I think it's going to fall away.

And then my kind of, I had a Buddhist teacher once who said, despair is a more dangerous emotion than even anger. So to keep myself out of despair, I'm saying, well, when this crumbles, and it's going to do so, and it's going to be pretty catastrophic, then those of us who are of the spirit could fill the void with an even better version. Because this thing has now been discredited in so many ways.

It's basically standing up on one very shaky leg and it's going to go down. It's going to go down. I think so. That's my prediction. George Saunders, I've got to tell you, it truly is. It is a wonderful book from one of my favorite minds

in this good old, strange, beautiful country with bad water, but there's good water out there somewhere. It's George Saunders, everybody. Go get it. We're going to take a quick break. Get right back after that. These across Canada, hourly Amazon employees earn an average of over $24.50 an hour. Employees also have the opportunity to grow their skills and their paycheck by enrolling in free skills training programs for in-demand fields, like software development

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Top of the morning to you. I can't do Irish. Good morning, folks. How was that? Was I still your Irish accent? I was trying to do an Irish accent. I can never pull it off. I always sounded like a pirate.

Top of the morning to you. Ah. There you go. You might end up in the montage. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcast. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central,

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