The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann

Episode Date: May 15, 2025

Jordan Klepper covers Trump's lavish welcome in Qatar and lifting of Syrian sanctions, while RFK Jr. lands himself in muddy waters over swimming in a contaminated creek. Plus, Grace Kuhlenschmidt and Troy Iwata fight over investigating Trump’s $400 million jet vs. the sewage-tainted Rock Creek. The Trump administration is full of corruption, bigotry, and incompetence, but there's one thing about them that Leslie Jones hates the most: They're f**king GOOFY! She breaks down how Elon's dad jokes, RFK Jr.'s sewage-swimming, and everything about JD Vance are only Making America Goofy Asses. Colum McCann, National Book Award-winning author, sits down with Jordan to discuss his latest novel, “Twist,” which follows the people who fix the underwater cables that carry the world’s digital information at the extreme depths of the ocean. He shares what fascinated him about the concept, especially the themes of disconnection and repair, and how his global nonprofit, Narrative 4, teaches young people how to find connection through the exchange of stories.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to an iHeart podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host Jordan Klepper. -♪ -♪ -♪ -♪ -♪

-♪ Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Jordan Klepper. We got so much to talk about tonight. Syria is getting a fresh start. RFK Jr. is up Schitt's Creek without a shirt on. And Leslie Jones is gonna make JD Vance wish he stayed in Greenland. But first, Donald Trump is on day two

of his Middle East era's tour. So let's kick things off with another installment of Trump Meets World. -♪ The international humiliation, one after another. Indeed. Now today Trump's visit to the Middle East brought him to Qatar. It's also acceptable to say Qatar, however, Qitar is not acceptable under any circumstances. Pick an instrument, you synth-pop coward.

Now, yesterday, Saudi Arabia greeted Trump with horses, and today, Qatar said, oh, you think that's cool? How about horses and camels and motherfucking sword dancers? Yeah! Whoo-hoo! That puts a lot of pressure on his trip tomorrow to the UAE. I bet they're sweating right now.

You know, we're just gonna give him an edible arrangement. What the f*** are we gonna do? Whoo! Of course, Cutter didn't just give him a sword dance show. They also offered him a $400 million luxury jumbo jet. Now, this plane has become a huge controversy. It's a security risk. The optics are terrible. It's clearly unconstitutional.

So you got to wonder, why does Trump want it so bad? And, you know, these planes, the plane that you're on right now is almost 40 years old. And when you land and you see Saudi Arabia and you see UAE and you see Qatar and you see all these, and they have these brand- Boeing 747s mostly, and you see ours next to it. It's much smaller, it's much less impressive.

I believe that we should have the most impressive plane. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] We still talking about planes? ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] Oh, we're on the tarmac next to each other, you know? I know you're not supposed to just look straight ahead, but I took a little peek over there, a little peek over there.

Cockpit was huge, man. Honestly, it's getting a little embarrassing watching Trump fly around the Middle East getting sword dances and free jets. I mean, is he going to do any actual policy stuff? I will be ordering the cessation of sanctions against Syria in order to give them a chance at greatness. Well, you know what?

I spoke too soon. This seems like maybe, maybe, actually a good idea. You know, Syria has just thrown off decades of dictatorship, and Trump thinks the new government deserves a chance to find its feet free of U.S. sanctions. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was wrong about this guy. You know, he doesn't just think about himself.

Syria's new president, Ahmed al-Sharah, reportedly offered to build a Trump Tower in Damascus. God damn it! God damn it! I spoke too soon about speaking too soon! Oh! But, hey, you know what? Good on you, Syria. Whatever it takes. You know what, PBS?

Maybe you could learn a lesson from this. Instead of whining about Trump cutting children's programming, have you thought of offering him a Trump Tower on Sesame Street, you know? offering him a Trump Tower on Sesame Street? Could be a win-win. But let's move on. Just because Trump's out of the country doesn't mean his team isn't shaking things up at home. Today at a congressional hearing, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Health Secretary and Human

Wet Market faced some tough questions about whether he wants his own children to be alive. Something that might be helpful is you've previously said you've vaccinated your children. If you had a child today, would you vaccinate that child for measles? For measles? Um... Probably for measles. I...

You know, what I would say is my opinions about vaccines are irrelevant. I don't think people should be taking advice, medical advice, from me. Then what is your job?! Laughter Applause You know...

Applause You know what? Applause You know what? Call me an idealist. But it'd be nice if people could take medical advice from the... health secretary. You know, maybe it's actually pretty good advice

to not listen to RFK's advice. Because here's how he spent his weekend. Robert Kennedy Jr. may be secretary of Health and Human Services, but if you want to stay healthy, I'm going to give you today's advice, because here's how he spent his weekend. Robert Kennedy Jr. may be Secretary of Health and Human Services, but if you want to stay healthy, don't go swimming in a sewage-contaminated creek. And for sure, don't take your grandkids in there.

That creek that R.F.K. Jr. is splashing around in isn't exactly pristine. In fact, it's a sewer runoff and is polluted with widespread fecal contamination. Swimming and wading are banned. But in this photo, RFK Jr. is totally submerged. Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, whoa.

Hey, hey, RFK promised us he'd find the cause of autism, remember? I mean, at this point, it's like RFK Jr. is going out of his way to be gross. Does he just go on Google Maps and search disgusting things near me? These pictures are so wild. The fact that he went swimming in jeans is the most normal part of this story. And maybe if he was just taking a fecal dip himself,

we'd let it slide. But he brought his grandkids. And as a parent, this is a whole new level of grandparent overstepping. Usually it's just like, we asked you not to give the kids candy. Not, we asked you not to take them swimming in E. coli-tainted sewage runoff. Conservatives are sending really mixed messages

about protecting children. They're like, kids shouldn't be at drag shows. They should be bobbing for apples in a porta-potty. And listen, it's not lost on me that there is a whole other story here about how America just has bodies of water out in the open filled with sewage and human shit. Yes, that is definitely something

we should look into and fix. But until we do, don't go f***ing swimming in them. For more on R.F.K. Jr.'s fecal dip, we go live to Rock Creek with Troy Iwata. Troy! Troy! Troy, what's it like down there? What do you mean, Jordan? It's a little river with a lot of poop in it, okay?

It smells bad. It looks bad. Is that a fish? No, it's poop. Why am I here, and why did you make me stand in it? Because you're a reporter, Troy, you have to get into the story to understand it. Just like we had to get into the cuttary, Qatari jet story with our very own Grace Kuhlenschmick. Grace, Grace!

Grace, what's your report? Well, Jordan, now that I'm here on the jet, I can confirm with my reporting that this jet is f***ing awesome. This just in, rich people are badass and so cool. Thank you, Grace. Excellent reporting. How is what Grace is doing reporting?

It's called investigationary journalism, Troy. How would I know if they're serving champagne or Prosecco if I don't drink a bottle of each? Grace, that is a great point, Grace. Journalism's about experiencing things firsthand. For example, Troy, how can you be sure that what you're standing in is poop water? Well, Jordan, because I can see poop and I can see water. Great. See? Now you're reporting.

I'm proud of you, sport. Grace, back to you. What can you tell us about Qatar gaining access to sensitive information? Oh, I'll tell you what they have access to. Movies that haven't even come out yet. I just saw Shrek 12. I don't know how that Shrek keeps getting away with it! Okay.

And Troy, you see anything interesting down there? Nope, just poop and water. Come on, Troy. Journalism. Remember? It's not easy for me, either. I took a bubble bath, so I didn't see the first 30 minutes of Shrek 13. I missed Lord Farquaad's coming-out story. This just-in dragon is kind of homophobic.

Wow. Grace, so brave of you. See Troy, at least you don't have to deal with something like that. No, no, Bobby, no, don't do a cannon ball. I'm too close. Bobby, no, don't! Don't! Jordan, some of that got in my mouth.

Thanks to the both of you. Thank you, Jordan. I hate you. So, don't go away. Applause Cheers Applause Cheers Applause Cheers Applause

Cheers Welcome back to The Daily Show. We all know I've got great opinions, but I'm not the only one. Studies show that other people also have opinions. So here with another installment of In My Opinion is our good friend Leslie Jones. -♪ What's up, y'all? Did you miss me? Because I definitely have an opinion.

I got a problem with these Trump folks. It's not that y'all... It's not that they're corrupt, although they are. It's not that they're evil, although they are. It's not that they're women-hating, racist, unqualified dickheads who couldn't run a Dunkin' Donuts without burning it down. It's not that there are women hating racist, unqualified dickheads who couldn't run a Dunkin' Donuts without burning it down.

No, my problem is these people are goofy ass mother- I thought, I thought Reagan was bad, but at least he knew how to talk. I thought Bush was bad, but at least he knew how to talk. I thought Bush was bad, but at least he has a hilarious name. But what do we have now? JD Vance, RFK Jr., and Elon Musk. I cannot believe America is going to be ended by these f----- loser infels. f***ing loser and fail. That's not how I plan to go out.

I was going to go out nestled peacefully between the two Michael B. Jordans. But instead we get Elon Musk who is doing this dumb shit. Elon, I love the double hat, but I don't. He's the only one that can do that. How do you get away with it? Well, Mr. President, you know, they say I wear a lot of hats. See? It's true.

Even my hat has a hat. Cut that goofy shit out! This is a cabinet meeting. Have some damn respect. This is official shit. How is this guy firing people? If this guy gave me a pink slip, I'd give his ass a black eye. Why don't you fire one of them hats, bitch?

And by the way, how you gonna read Mr. Jokes when you don't even know when you're hearing a joke? What's more challenging, going to Mars or taking on Washington? Going to Mars. He was kidding, you goofy mother- What is wrong with you and how you got so many kids because I wouldn't f*** you with my enemies f***er.

And I hate that bitch. I would rather f*** a turkey based on hell I'd rather f*** a turkey based... Hell, I'd rather f*** a turkey! Then we got RFK Jr., another goofing mother f***er. Don't let them muscles fool you. He's a piece of shit. No, literally a piece of shit. This man swims in sewage like a f***ing ninja turtle. And they're gonna try to teach us about health? Seed oil is one of the components of processed foods.

And all the science indicates that ultra-processed foods are the principal culprit. Why the f*** you sound like that? What's wrong with your voice? You don't sound healthy. You talk like you're on a bad phone line. Hang up. I don't understand what you're saying. And I can't believe this man is from the Kennedys. I thought the Kennedys had swag.

Why we got the T-Mos, Kennedy? I wish we could do it like we did back in the day. If you was that child, you got locked in the room on holidays because you might hurt somebody. Instead, they put this goofy mother-in-law in charge of my health! Now, I want to make sure everyone feels included, because you Trump women is some goofy-ass mother-in-law, too.

Looks to me like the Supreme Court is going to say that the parents will have the right to opt out. But that could have big national implications, not just for Maryland, but all across the country. Madam Secretary? Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry, no, I should have asked a more specific question. Blblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblbl

. How you gonna f** up questions and goof ass probably can't even spell AI. I wish I could remember the source, but that there is a school system that's gonna start making sure that first graders or even pre-Ks have A1 teaching wasn't all that long ago that it's, we're gonna have internet in our schools. Now, okay, let's see A1 and how can that be helpful? It's AI, bitch!

Not A1! A1 is a steak sauce, you goofy mother f***er! And it's delicious! But A-word is a steak sauce, you goofy mother-fucker. And it's delicious. But you're not in charge of Sizzler, you bitch. You are in charge of education. How you fuck letters? But this brings me to the A-1 goofiest mother-fucker there is, JD Bitch- ass Vance.

What size is that trophy next to JD Vance? I know. Those are some big young gentlemen and a big trophy. Big dudes, yeah. Oh, and it looks like the trophy fell. That's unfortunate. No, what's unfortunate is that this goofy mother****** is our vice president.

He is such a loser, the trophy decapitated itself instead of being put in his arms. And look what this mother****** did to the Pope. JD Vance was one of the last people to see Pope Francis alive. I know you've not been feeling great, but it's good to see you. Having a meeting with him the day before he died. Oh. His goofy ass killed the Pope!

Oh. Oh, beady little bitch-eyed, p***y-faced bitch! And now we've got an American Pope, and I'ma tell you something, you better stay the f fuck away from him. You better stay the fuck away from him. You better stay the fuck away from him.

You better stay the fuck away from him. You better stay the fuck away from him. You better stay the fuck away from him. You better stay the fuck away from him. You better stay the fuck away from him. You better stay the fuck away from him. You better stay the fuck away from him. You better stay the fuck away from him.

You better stay the fuck away from him. You better stay the fuck away from him. You better stay the fuck away from him. You better stay the fuck away from him. You better stay the fuck away from him. You better stay the fuck away from him. You better stay the fuck away from him. You better stay the fuck away from pope a fake body double so we can protect him. Lenny, come on out here. This is my friend Lenny. Don't he look exactly like the new Pope? Whoo! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ah!

Ah! I don't see the resemblance, Leslie. You look just like him! I'll prove it. Put up the picture. Okay, do the... Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Do the Broadway! Do the Broadway! Do the Broadway! You are the same dude! Now bless me, holiness, so I can be protected from these goofy ass motherf*****. Bless me, Lily! Bless you, my child.

Get out! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! about making America great again. This is a f***ing circus. Other countries are laughing at us right now. We got to get rid of Maga because they're not making America great again. They're making America goofy asses!

But that's just my opinion. This is Joe's, everybody. We come back, Colin McCann will be joining us on the show. Don't go away. Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest tonight is a National Book Award-winning author whose latest novel is called Twist. Please welcome Colin McCann.

-♪ -♪ -♪ -♪ Colin, welcome. uh, two writers. Um, and in that book, you, you asked writers to not write what they know, write towards what they want to know. Right.

And this book, Twist, is about underwater sea cables. Yes. What the hell did you want to know about underwater sea cables? You mean you haven't been swimming down underneath the cables, figuring out how to chop them or anything? I'm staying up top most of the time.

I'm mostly worried about UV rays coming from the sun. Well, you know, it's really amazing. I mean, 95% of the world's intercontinental information travels underwater. And it's going amazing. I mean, 95% of the world's intercontinental information travels underwater. And it's going in places that we have never visited. I was fascinated by this, because, you know, the underwater have all those dips and crags and underwater canyons and all sorts of things.

And the fact that our voices and our emojis and all the silly things that we do. Are porn. All right. And all the porn traveling at the bottom of the sea. Yes. There it is. The tits that are at the bottom of the sea doesn't get talked about enough.

They are slinking along. Yeah. Yeah. But what, so this book looks at, I mean it really looks about, there's so many big themes that deal with what's happening today, but sort of looks at the information and the connectedness that we have that is so fragile, is hidden at the bottom of the sea. Like, what did you notice in doing research for this?

Like, where were the weaknesses? Well, the weaknesses are startling. First of all, you know, we're connected, we're all connected, but we're also disconnected in the most extraordinary way. So I was interested in that. But where then are the weak points in the cables? Well, we have landing stations all over the world

where the cables come in from the sea into a little bungalow-like structure. And you recognize it because it has a chain-link fence around it and a generator at the side because they need electricity. And you can actually walk up to a lot of these landing stations, even in New Jersey and Long Island, and you can see the manhole covers in the ground. And you can lift up if you carry a, you know...

What? One of those things to lift up manhole covers. A wallet, a pen every now and then. No, those things. What? Oh, just like a steel-leavered open manhole cover? Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, I carry those all the time. Okay, yes. Yes, yes, yes.

I'm constantly, if you see me on the street around New York, I'm like a f***ing ninja turtle just getting in there, you know? You take it out like this and then you lift out the manhole cover and you can actually see the cables coming into, carrying all that porn. I like this ad. Wait a minute, there's free porn under the streets? Just reach down and scoop it up. I like to imagine you as a writer

just climbing over these fences with these giant steel rods trying to get this information and people catching you and being like, oh, no, no, I'm writing a novel. Don't worry about it. But you can also go out and you can dive underwater and you can see some of these cables. We are actually, you know, we're quite vulnerable, even at deep sea.

Because if you take out a cable at deep sea, I'm talking like four, five, six kilometers down, if that goes out through, say, an underwater landslide or an earthquake or sabotage with a grappling hook, it will take up to six weeks to get it fixed. Is that right? Yeah, because a boat has to go out, they have to find it, it's an extraordinary job.

So if we had somebody trying to take out the world's internet for six weeks, what would that be like, by the way? Oh my God, the shit we would get done. Yes, exactly. You imagine the connections we would have, the ability to talk to one another. We would talk to one another.

Yeah, I would build a relationship with my son in a way that I never did before. We would actually work together to try to pass, like, a reliable bill, that we could Medicaid a part of it as well. We would have friends again. Well, maybe we should organize some sort of sabotage, some sort of national sabotage.

I love, because you have son, you know, whoa, whoa. Just to be clear, you might be talking about terrorism, but you say it in such a jaunty manner, I think you could really sell some people on it. This book also takes place at sea. I love a good, what is it about the sea that writers are drawn to? I feel like this has allusions to Conrad and Melville in it. What is it?

The sea novels are always wonderful novels because, you know, when you go out to sea, you sort of lose everything, but you always want to go back home. So you meet these people who do go out to sea and they, you know, investigate these cables and repair them. They're on land. They really want a break to happen. But the minute they get out to sea, all they want to do is fix the break so they can go home again. And so this whole notion of home, belonging, not belonging, repair, I think repair is one of the great themes of our time.

Well, let's hear you say that, because I think that comes through here. And if we zoom out, a lot of the stuff we talk about, I think America is a pretty pessimistic place right now. The idea of repair embedded in that is a sense of hope. Yes. You talk to people nowadays, it feels like they're not interested in repairing.

They're more interested in burning things down. Or at least they've lost the hope that repair can happen. Why is that such a potent theme now? Well, I mean, you talk a lot about certainty and I agree with you entirely. We're sort of diseased with certainty. Everybody has to be so certain they can only go in one direction and the others can only go in another direction. What I am interested in is the floodplains between those canals of certainty

because that's where all the interesting stuff happens. That's where actually all the interesting people meet because we're so much more interesting than we allow for others to think about ourselves. You have an amazing organization. Yes. Narrative Four. What is Narrative Four? Narrative Four is a global nonprofit

that brings young people together to exchange stories with one another. And one of the things we would do, for instance, believe this or not, we could bring kids from the South Bronx together with kids from Eastern Kentucky. And one might think in today's America, right, exactly, that they might not be able to get on.

But through the exchange of personal stories, they create this world where they realize they're not so different to one another. So what would happen is, we would get together. I'd tell you a story, you'd tell me a story. I'd go back in, and I'd say, Hi, my name is Jordan in and I'd say, hi, my name is Jordan and I have a lovely head of hair.

And... And I'd say, call him and I wish I had Jordan's hair. Exactly. Yeah. But you know, they tell really powerful stories that sort of negotiate the distance that we supposedly have between us. Say for example, there's so a young girl in the Bronx

who wears a hijab, she's talking with a boy from Kentucky. Well, underneath her hijab, she might have AirPods, and in those AirPods, she's listened to Beyoncé, and the boy down in Kentucky has been listening to Beyoncé's most recent album. Cowboy Carter, I mean, how do you not listen to it, right? Exactly, exactly. And people come together.

People come together in music, people come together in stories, People come together in stories. People come together in laughter. And I do think, you're talking about hope, I do think, I do believe, sort of maybe naively, in the availability of hope. You believe in the availability of hope. I do.

Well, I think you can find it in literature. This is a lovely book. Twist is available now. Colin McCann. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Thank you. Talk to you later. Thank you. Thank you. Explore more shows from The Daily Show Podcast Universe by searching The Daily Show wherever

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