The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Trump Wages War on American Cities As DOD Gets a Makeover | Michael Grunwald

Episode Date: September 11, 2025

Michael Kosta breaks down Trump's Department of War, a.k.a. the new billion-dollar nickname for the Department of Defense, and Josh Johnson is hyped up for the president to go to war with America's biggest enemy: America. Thanks to Trump, Canadian tourism is way down, with many citizens scared to visit the U.S. So Jordan Klepper visits the city of Burlington, VT, to see just how desperate Vermonters are to win back the Canucks and drink some beer. Michael Grunwald, award-winning journalist and bestselling author of "We Are Eating the Earth: The Race to Fix Our Food System," sits down with Michael to discuss how agriculture is our biggest climate issue. They discuss the deforestation caused by pasture for cattle, how to make more calories on less acreage, the meat and energy alternatives providing hope, and how to maintain appreciation for farmers while searching for a better way. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Learn more at scotiabank.com slash banking packages. Conditions apply. Scotia Bank, you're richer than you think. You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only sorts for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Michael Costa. Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm Michael Costa.

We've got so much to talk about tonight. The Department of Defense ditches its maiden name. Jordan Klepper almost makes it to Canada. And Donald Trump makes headlines by going to a restaurant without a drive-thru. So let's get into the headlines. Since taking office, Donald Trump has been spending a lot of time redecorating, from paving over the Rose Garden to turning the Oval Office into a cash for gold storefront. But now that the White House is perfect, Trump has moved on to renovating the Department of Defense.

President Trump has just signed an executive order to rename the Department of Defense. The president wants to change the name back to the Department of War. Hmm. Not a good sign when a country that's not at war suddenly sets up a Department of War. What's the president trying to tell us about what's going to happen? It's like when your doctor asked you to come in and discuss your test results in person. Why? So we can high-five over how few STDs I have.

So why is Trump doing this? We won the First World War, we won the Second World War, we won everything before that and in between, and then we decided to go woke, and we changed the name to Department of Defense. Oh, oh, yeah. So the military went woke when they changed their name in 1947, that famously woke time period in American history.

I guess wokeness is also why we lost in Vietnam, huh? Big mistake to carpet bomb that country with DVDs of the Black Little Mermaid. But, okay, the new name is supposed to reflect that our military is no longer woke. What does that mean exactly? Pete Higgseth, could you tell us? Hey, but make it funky. We're going to go on offense, not just on defense. Maximum lethality, not tepid legality, violent effect, not politically correct.

Deadly force, not a gender studies course. It's World War III, not Adam and Steve. Agent Orange, not, oh, fuck, I wrote myself into a corner. But yeah, slam poetry. Great. And his sobriety, Edgar Allen, bro over here, picked up the one hobby that's actually worse than drinking. By the way, if the virus,

we're going for is maximum lethality, we should probably also think about changing the name of the Pentagon. That name's not scaring anyone. Pentagon? That's just a pretentious square. You want the world quivering in their boots? From now on

it should be the Polygon of Doom. So yes, the Department of of Defense is now officially the Department of War, except, funny thing, it's not really literally, officially, actually. To be clear, officially changing the name of the Department of Defense would require an act of Congress and 60 votes in the Senate, which Trump could not get.

It appears that this executive order is not really changing the name completely from DOD, Department of Defense to Department of War, but is instead making it a secondary name. Are you telling me the American military just gave itself an official nickname? If anything, that makes it seem weaker. There's nothing more pathetic than that friend that tries to create his own nickname. From now on, call me Stevie Muscles. Okay, that's cute Stevie Muscles, but your mom's here to pick you up? But what's the harm?

Right? It's not going to cost us anything. Right? Right? Right? Against of Politico, it will likely cost billions of dollars to change the name on stationary, emblems, plaques, and other signage at the Defense Department and bases around the world. Billions? It's going to cost billions to adopt this not even name but nickname? My God, what a waste. You know, and that's real money that we could have spent on two fighter jets for Qatar

that would get bombed by two other fighter jets from Israel that we also paid for. But okay, this is the same administration that doge the f*** out of cancer research and food safety, but they can find billions to change the stationary at the Pentagon. Oh, sorry. Not the Pentagon. The anus of destruction. But you know what? That's good.

Thank God for that effect. But you know what? That's cool. We got the Department of War now, and they'll be terrifying America's enemies wherever they go? Where exactly are they going? Planning is underway to potentially duplicate Trump's mobilization in D.C. and send troops into Chicago. I think Chicago will be our next and then we'll help with New York. Trump's sharing a manipulated image of himself with a twist on a quote from the movie Apocalypse Now. The caption says, I love the smell of deportations in the morning and the

online, Chicago about to find out why it's called the Department of War. So great. The first use of our new Department of War is invading American cities. And by the way, if Trump does send troops to New York, that means he's going to invade the very city he came out of. Hmm. Freudian much? Just admit that you want to f*** your mom, dude. All right? But before he invades all democratic cities, Trump first used Washington, D.C. as a test case. It's been a month since Trump sent the National Guard into the nation's capital. And last night, Trump tried to show everyone that it's been a huge success. Fox News Alert, Donald Trump is out on the town, dinner with members of his cabinet in D.C.,

showing it's safe to walk around the city after deploying the National Guard. The restaurants now are booming. People are going out to dinner where they didn't go out for years, and it's a safe city, and I just want to thank the National Guard. Hey, nothing says I feel safe like driving one block from the White House surrounded by a fleet of armored cars and countless secret service agents.

And just look at this pussy posse behind them, huh? That looks like the Bachelor Party from hell. You got the jokester, right? The bad boy. The guy who has work in the... morning and doesn't want to be in this friend group anymore and ends up crying through a lap dance. Whatever you think about the occupation of D.C., at least Trump now feels safe enough to go out, and he can enjoy a nice meal and peace.

Overnight, while dining out in Washington, D.C., President Trump facing protests. Free D.C. Free post-wide. Trump is a Hitler of our fight. We need up for the protestors. We're all by our guys. BBC, free protest. So we can't go out of our time. Yeah, give it up for the protesters. You know what I mean?

Here we go. Also, they just discovered the most genius way of getting out of your restaurant bill, right? $40 for a shrimp cocktail? Trump's Hitler. Trump's, oh no, don't kick me. out. We didn't settle our tab. Okay, see you. Bye. I'm gonna do that next time I go to Panera Bread.

I sympathize with these people. I protest in steakhouses all the time. Specifically, Ruth's Chris' Steakhouse. What the fuck does that mean? Who is Chris? Wise he Ruth's. For more,

on the new Department of War, we go live to the Pentagon with Josh John Oh, wow. Josh, this name change feels like a real waste of time to me. That's because you're a bitch, Costa. Department of War is letting everybody know that Donald Trump isn't fucking around. It's like Pete Heggsef says, we're the Department of War, we're here to say, we do all the war in a major way. B-boy stance.

So you're saying America is on war footing, ready to fight any of our enemies at any time? Anybody, anytime. Including China? Hell no. Obviously, not China. They got tanks and bomb. They invented kung fu.

Costa? No, I'm talking about hotel workers in Baltimore. These clean lays had it too good for too long. Cleaning ladies. Aren't there more appropriate enemies for the Department of War, like the Cinelloa cartel. F*** no, do? Those guys chop people's hands off for fun.

No, no, no. We're not touching cartels. But an unarmed boat, we light that shit up from a distance. All right? Boms away. We ain't here to play. Poison. But, poison. So to be clear, the Department of War isn't trying to

do war, just little skirmishes? I can tell you never been to jail. No, I, have you? That's not the point. You know, you know how they say in jail you should walk right up to the biggest guy and punch him in the face? That's not true at all, all right?

What you should actually do is walk in and start beating the shit out of yourself, all right? You ever see a guy punching his own balls? No one's gonna mess with him. He's crazy. It's just like Pete Hexex says, you gotta have the guts to punch your own nuts. Stop. Camera time. I'm no expert.

But Trump's plan of laying cease to his own country may be one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. Them's fighting words, Costa. You want to go? Yeah. Yeah, you know what? Yeah, let's go.

Well, I'm on the way. Right now, let's go. Let's go. You asked for it. Oh, my God. He's punching himself in the nuts. Oh, yeah, you had enough yet? Fine, fine, fine, I yield, just stop, just stop, just stop.

Oh, see, peace through strength, Costa. Josh, Josh Johnson, everyone. I went, I, I, and we come back. We'll find out how to get Canada back. Don't go away, Josh. Oh, hi, buddy, who's the best. You are. I wish I could spend all day with you instead.

Uh, Dave, you're off mute. Hey, happens to the best of us. Enjoy some goldfish cheddar crackers. Goldfish have short memories. Be like goldfish. Welcome back for doing a show. America's in a golden age of having enemies. But is it possible to make peace with one of them?

Jordan Klepper has more. Americans and Canadians have been best friends for decades, until this guy came along. One of the nastiest countries to deal with is Canada. Canada was meant to be the 51st state. They need us. We don't need that. Okay, that was bad. But Canadians are polite.

They're not going to let a little trash talk ruin our friendship. Canadians are boycotting American vacation by plane, down 20, by car down 35%. It's projected that the U.S. will lose $12.5 billion compared to last year. And one state getting hit the hardest is Vermont. How's business going in Burlington right now? Not so great, actually.

You know, we've, uh, it's been slow. We've seen credit card spending down 30 or 40 percent. People get their feelings hurt and then they don't want to come here. So what's the most aggressively liberal state doing to win their neighbors back? There's the stickers to at first. The stickers to attract Canadian tourists just to let them know that we're Canadian-friendly. Not every idea is going to be a winner. We've got a sign on our door.

Canadians are welcome. This isn't an ice trap, isn't? No. It's like with cops and prostitutes. You have to tell me if I ask you. Are you a prostitute? Yeah, no, I'm not. I swear.

Traditionally, this is Church Street, and so City Council just voted to rename it as Canada Street. You're putting country over God? Yes, actually. I had not thought about it in those terms. Whatever it takes to get those loonies. We're doing some free parking stuff for them. You gotta think bigger than free parking. What about our naked person thing?

Do you have a naked person thing? Yes, we do. In this town, you can walk around naked. Yeah, do you think maybe the naked people is a reason Canadians don't visit as much? People come here on vacation specifically for the opportunity to walk around naked. I was at the front line of America's economic downfall.

But surprisingly, ass cheeks, stickers, and free parking just aren't enough. What about the foot soldier? Like this, Vermont or Karen. I went to Canada up to Sutton, two hours north of here. And I made a little poster and brought it to different stores. Yeah, I was apologizing. I want to know how many Canadians accepted your apology

and how many left you crying in a Tim Horton's parking lot? I wasn't in Tim Hortons. Did you even go to Canada? One annual event that's always got Canadians across the border was the Vermont Brewers Festival. In an average year, how many tickets would you expect to sell to Canadians? 700. 700.

Oh yeah. And this year you sold 50. 50. Times were desperate, but luckily, the brewery had a few tricks of their sleeves to entice the Canucks. We are, you know, getting rid of the exchange rate. So there's a Bienvenu Canadians line. We've got three Montreal breweries down here. You're bringing Canada beer to America to get Canadians to come from Canada to America.

Absolutely. So the game plan is discounts, Canadian beer, and overall politeness. Absolutely. Are you sure I'm not in Canada right now? Nope. I decided to do some deep research at this festival to find out if Canadians are, in fact, that cheap and easy. What got you here?

Was it the stickers, the discounts, the VIP line? Just the beer. Just the beer. Okay, that... Yeah, that makes sense. You're a hero. I know there's been a lot of people who don't want to come into America right now. I tried to separate what's happening in White House

and what's happening with my friend. How do you keep those things separate? separate. Beer is good for friendship. Beer is good for friendship. You're not Canadian? No. You're not American. Yeah. You're just an alcoholic. Where are you coming in from? Montreal. What brought you in? For the food and the beer, which is phenomenal. Why do you think there is, though, that reticence with other Canadians? Is it, uh, is it the, is it the trade wars? Trump calling you freeloaders? The new travel regulations? Is it threatening extortion? It could be the terror policy.

It could be the 51st state. It could be fear of getting over the border. It could be the preponderance of guns that we have in our culture. It could be messing with the financial system. It could be a culture of hate and cruelty that's happening right now. Is it Ted Cruz? Probably Ted Cruz. None of that is helping.

Yeah. Yeah. Despite their best efforts, none of their Canadian traps were working. But then I started to reflect on the last five minutes. We're big beer people We make beer, we love beer And the beer, which is phenomenal Beer is good for our friendship

Vermont beer is like definitely in the upper echelon Beer Beer, beer, not just the beer The beer Just the beer Was the answer Step right up, step right up Come on up, come up, come up

I have a concoction that knows no borders It is not American It is not Canadian It is something in his friendship Have you ever seen this before? This is Jordan Klepper's very pale ale Wow Come taste with freedom.

Cheers. Cheers. Just needed one special. Just needed one special touch. Because in the end, we all just need a little bit of Canada to make everything better. And beer, mostly beer. Thank you, Jordan. When we come back, Michael Glenwall will be joining me on the show.

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Starbucks. It's never just coffee. Welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is an award-winning journalist and best-selling author whose latest book is called We Are Eating the Earth. Please welcome Michael Grunwald. Michael! Big Michael Grunwald fans here. That's awesome.

This book, a five-year project, and you discuss in the introduction. It started when you had a simple question, and you called someone for help, is meat really this bad for the climate? Yeah, yeah. And the answer was, yes. Duh. Yeah, I mean, I was an energy in climate guy. Yeah. I had written a piece about, about my own green life. I'd gotten an all-electric

Chevy bolt. I'd put solar panels on my roof. And I had a line, you know, kind of a throwaway line about how I wasn't some kind of eco-saint. I was doing it because clean energy was cheap, that I didn't line dry my laundry, you know, I didn't unplug my computer at night. I still eat meat. And I realized I didn't know. So I called this guy and he, and he's, you know, and he, told me. And it occurred to me that if I was this spectacularly ignorant about meat and agriculture, which turns out to be our, you know, it's our leading driver of deforestation, of water pollution, of water shortages. And it's a third of our climate problem, and I didn't know squat about it. So I figured if I was this spectacularly ignorant, other people probably were

too. Why is eating meat associated with land? Back it up for, let's just say, the host of the show is a total idiot. Well, look, I mean, I think, you know, agriculture, you know, when I say it's a climate problem, people think, oh, yeah, the diesel tractors, the burping cows and farting cows, the fertilized. Honestly, if you say fart, this audience laughs. I know. Yeah.

Yeah. But the real problem is that we're losing a soccer field worth of forest every six seconds to agriculture. that we are eating the earth, right? And at this point, like, people know that cities and suburbs take up a lot of land. Well, that's, like, 1% of our land. Crops and pastures are almost 40%. Right.

And from a climate perspective, you know, trying to decarbonize the planet while you're tearing down forests for agriculture, it's like trying to clean up your house while you're smashing the vacuum cleaner to bits in the living room, right? You're making this huge mess because you're losing all the carbon in the forest. but you're also crippling your ability to clean up the mess, because that's what forests do. Is it that the carbon is being stored in the forest, or is it the trees clean the carbon and give us oxygen? Or is it both? Yeah, it's both.

Can you tell you how it was a communications major? There you go, exactly. It's, you know, it's sucking carbon out of the atmosphere. You know, there are the original 3 billion-year-old photosynthesis is our, it's our form of carbon capture. And, you know, and we're overrunning it. So if we're eating some, we're eating meat, it's because we're still bulldozing trees that feels so archaic to me. Yeah, I mean, you know, meat is a, so three quarters of our agricultural land is either pasture or it's crops that we're feeding to animals, right? Like, you know, if you're like plant, you're eating plants, that's, you know, that's great.

If you're eating animals that eat plants, you know, not as good. And beef in particular, cattle are the baddies. They are just spectacularly inefficient converters of their feed into our food. And you've actually made some dietary changes in your life because of this. Yeah. You actually live it. Well, you know, as any vegan will tell you, veganism is the best diet. Right.

And thank you. Thank you. I am not a vegan. I knew that was coming, but I wanted to hear it. Yeah, I mean, look, you know, you all find the level of hypocrisy that you're comfortable with. But I have cut out beef and lamb because cattle are really the problem. And so dairy is bad. It's even worse than chicken and pork.

But cattle make, you know, they make milk several times a day. They make beef like once in their life. And so beef is about 10 times worse than chicken or pork from a climate perspective. Talk about some of the – and you mentioned this a lot in the book, these alternative protein sources. I mean, when Beyond Meat came out years ago, the stock price was $250 a share. I looked it up today.

It's two. Yeah. Yeah. Talk a little bit about how you tackled that in the book. You know, it's funny. I started my reporting in 2019 at the Good Food Institute conference, which is kind of the convening

for all the different kinds of fake meats and fake milts, everybody who's trying to replace animal agriculture. And it was right after Beyond went public, and the exuberance was just off the chart. They were kind of serious conversations about whether we're going to get rid of the entire $1.5 trillion meat industry in 10 or 15 years. My joke was that I thought I was going to accidentally raise a series A round in the drinks line. Right, right.

And then I actually had near the end of my reporting, I went back to the Good Food Institute in 2023. And of course, by then, you know, the entire boom had busted. And it was all doom and gloom. And, you know, what were we even thinking, taking on this incredibly entrenched industry? And my feeling is that, you know, the sort of the peak of inflated expectations was excessive. Yeah. And now the trough of disillusionment is excessive. That this is a very exciting technology.

Right now, it's only 90% as good as meat, and it costs, you know, a little bit more. So if you're not writing a book about food in the climate, there's not really a good reason to buy it. So it hasn't done so well in the marketplace. But the cow is a pretty mature technology, and this stuff isn't. Well, one thing that's great in the book is there are optimistic moments, and you talk about how, hey, the Impossible Burger or Beyond Meat, it's a lot better than the vegan hockey puck of 20 years ago. So we have room to improve. What are some of the other solutions? Yeah, I mean, look, I mean, I do think that, you know, 20 years ago when I started writing about energy and climate, there were no alternatives to fossil fuels.

Right. And right now, we're in the midst of this clean energy revolution. And it's just sort of a question of when. Now, food and land, we're sort of 20 years behind. We're at that place where everybody's upset about all the progress that Donald Trump is rolling back for clean energy. Well, for clean food, we don't really have any progress to roll back. Nothing has gotten traction. But I've seen all kinds of exciting solutions, not just the fake meats, but I've seen alternative fertilizers where they gene-ed microbes to snatch nitrogen out of the yeast.

and feed it to crops, or alternative pesticides where they use the technology, the MRI stuff behind the COVID vaccines to literally constipate potato beetles to death, right? At the, it's incredible. At the University of Illinois, they are literally reinventing photosynthesis, which has done like a pretty decent job maintaining life on Earth for a few billion years. But it turns out it's really inefficient. And they are using artificial intelligence, gene editing. big data to essentially engineer out the inefficiencies, and they think they can increase

yields 50%. They take agriculture very seriously at University of Illinois. It's my alma mater. They put the library underground because they didn't want to bulldoze their experimental plot of corn. Exactly. The moral plots. So yeah. Grass-fed beef. I, you know, I buy my eggs from a small farm. I get my dairy from the farmer's market. I buy grass-fed beef. I'm a hero. Yes? Oh, Michael. I'm sorry, but you know, it's great. Eating local is fine.

And knowing your farmer, that's wonderful. But what really matters from a climate and environmental perspective is sort of what you're eating and how it's grown, how efficiently it's grown, right? We're on track to defarist another dozen California's worth of land by 2050.

And grass-fed beef, for one thing, it's beef. So it's already a huge climate and land-use problem. But it's actually worse than factory-farmed beef. Because, you know, first of all, it's like less efficient. But it's also, it takes them longer to get to slaughterweight. So they're alive to burp and fart methane for longer. And we're going to have to be more efficient. See, you said fart, they laughed.

We're going to have to be. And this is somewhat controversial. We actually have to be more efficient with the land we use. for the calories that we make that's right we're gonna have to make more food with less land and fewer emissions right because if you're making less food per acre you're gonna need more acres to make food and and that just means more deforestation more wetland destruction i think people think you know because michael pollen's a really great writer and you know and uh and we've all seen that you know we let want to treat our soil with love and the you know these farms where the animals have

names instead of numbers, that this is kind of good farming, and that the real environmental disaster was when we intensified it and sort of drenched it in chemicals and, you know, and started treating animals badly. And there are a lot of bad things about these, about industrial agriculture, the way they treat animals, the way they treat humans, you know, they use too many antibiotics. Their politics usually suck. Yeah. But look, factories are really good at manufacturing lots of stuff.

And the real environmental disaster was the transformation of nature into those nice Michael pollen farms. That's when we lost the biodiversity. That's when we lost the carbon. And so we are going to need high yield agriculture. And it doesn't mean it has to be factory farms. But if we have factory farms, we'd like to have them do it with less mess. And if we're going to have the nice organic farms, they're going to have to make more food

per acre. And we need more food coming up. We need lots more food. You know, a couple of years ago, I was alone in the woods of Pennsylvania, and I ate some mushrooms. And I found myself tripping, touching these trees, feeling the trees, and it felt so powerful, and it felt so magical. And I was literally like, holy shit, a fucking tree, man. They're amazing. For years, I was like, I was just tripping.

But I read your book, and I'm going, no, I wasn't tripping. I was right. Trees are the answer to all this shit, right? It's true. Trees are the answer. Trees are good, man. Yeah. What if we, instead of bulldozing the forest, what if we just put the cows in the trees?

I mean, you know, they are putting more trees in pastures, and that's great. You can actually see the carbon. It's above the ground. You know, it's great. I mean, maybe we need to grow more mushrooms, too. Yeah, maybe. Your first book, Your first book, The Swamp, explores how Florida became Florida and how man-controlled water. And I love your book.

It's changed the way I've looked at our country and the state of Florida and water quality. What's one thing you can share with me, with all of us, that we can learn about water quality in this country, what we should know about water in our rivers and lakes? Well, it's funny. I mean, I know this is literally talking my book, but the problem is agriculture. And it was, I didn't really think about it, but with the Everglades, I wrote about the sugar industry, which was, you know, using so much water and also polluting so much water. And that's what you see around the country. The reason the aquifers under California are parched are because of the agriculture on top of it.

The reason the Colorado River is running dry is because they're growing alfalfa next to it and using a lot of water to feed livestock. The reason there's a dead zone, the size of the size of Connecticut and the Gulf of Mexico, is because of fertilizer running off farms in the Mississippi Valley. The reason there's toxic algae blooms in so many lakes is because agricultural runoff of over-fertilizing. Right. It's an agricultural problem. And look, we need agriculture because we got to eat. And we haven't come up with a better way to do it.

And we should appreciate that our farmers, they do hard work. They, you know, the, you know, 0.5% of us who farm make it possible for the other 99.5% of us to have cool shows and write books about the problems with agriculture and be doctors and influencers. You did a great job talking about because of farmers, we get to do these other cool jobs. That's right. And so we are appreciative and thankful, but maybe there's a better way to do it. Exactly. I mean, look, they also, you know, we give them a lot of money and we don't have a lot of environmental regulation. for them. And I think, you know, a lot of them, they think correctly that they care a lot about their land. They think of themselves as good stewards of their lands. But we have to have a kind of

more grown-up relationship with them where we say like, yeah, sure, you know, your heartland values are great, but collectively you're stewarding a mess. And we want you to make even more food, and we'll help you. But you're going to have to do it with less mess. And hopefully we can help with that, too. The book's amazing. Everyone should read it. We Are Eating the Earth is available now. Michael Grunwald. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

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