The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Trump's Possible Russian Agent Role & Democratic Presidential Contenders for 2020 | Derek Waters

Episode Date: January 15, 2019

A Chinese spacecraft lands on the far side of the moon, Trevor highlights three Democratic presidential contenders for 2020, and Derek Waters chats about Drunk History. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast. The Weekly Show is going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself, TGID. Thank God it's Thursday we're going to be talking about. All the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics. Earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about

ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance, it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. Oh wow, wow. Wow. You got the fosts we tie. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, everybody.

Welcome to the Danish show. Welcome to the Danish show. Kevin, the to the Danish show. Take a seat. Take a seat. Take a seat. Take a seat. Take a seat. Welcome to the Danish show. Welcome to the Danish show. I'm Kevin Noah. Take a seat. Take a seat. Take a seat. Take a seat. Welcome to.

Welcome to it. Tonight, we are joined by the mastermind behind the hit show Drunk History. Derek Waters is here, everybody. We have a really exciting season coming up. We also going to be catching up on the big to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the to the news in the Russia investigation and we'll find out which Democrats are getting into the ring with Trump in 2020. But first let's catch up on today's headlines. Teaching. It's not an easy job unless you're a gym teacher. Because then you're allowed to hit the kids. I mean yeah they call it dodgeball but we all know the truth. Anyway teacher. Because then you're allowed to hit the kids. I mean, yeah, they call it

dodgeable, but we all know the truth. Anyway, too often, educators in America are not compensated fairly, which is why this happens. Tens of thousands of teachers in Los Angeles are expected to strike this morning in the nation's second largest school district. Educators are demanding more counselors and librarians, plus a full-time nurse in every school, in addition to salary negotiations. Talks broke down Friday and were not renewed over the weekend. That's right, teachers in the nation's second largest school district are striking. So if you're in LA, expect to hear some grammatically correct

chance. What do we want? More pay. From whom do we want said pay? One at a time, please. Raise your hands. Now, I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. It's hard not to be on the teacher's side in this dispute. Firstly, because I don't think teachers ever get paid enough. And secondly, they're also asking for more school counselors and one nurse per school. That's like the most reasonable list of demands I've ever heard.

Like, I wish bank robbers were this reasonable. It'll be like, I'm not going to release the hostages until you open up another tell window. And also, I want the chain on the pen to be long enough to reach the thing I'm trying to write on. Just a long enough chain. Not a chance. Not a chance. Kill some hostages, then we'll talk. Moving on. Some news on Instagram. It's where anyone can be a model.

You know, all you need is an ass and a dream. And now, there's a new Insta star. For nearly a year, Kylie Jenner has held a record for the most liked likedoughed. It was this one here. The first photo of her daughter, Stormy. It's been like a whopping 18 million times. Many thought that could never be topped. But that was before, world record egg. An account with that very name posted this single photo.

It's a picture of an egg. The caption reads, let's set a world record together and get the most like post on Instagram. Well social media users accepted that challenge, the egg not only beat Jenner's record of 18 million, it crushed it. The egg currently has 26 million likes and counting. The egg has 26 million likes and counting. Bow down to your new queen. This is exciting. This egg is so popular. They actually just announced that it's going to be hosting the Oscars. Yeah! which I'm really happy about because they're the that the thi tho-post the tho-posts tho-c-c-co-co-co-co-co-co-co-co-co-co-cust thi thi the the the the egg the the egg the egg the egg co-cust the egg co-cust the egg cussed the egg ccusted the egg cussed the egg cussed the egg cussed the egg cussed the egg cussed the egg cus the egg cus the egg cc- the egg c. It's c. It's c. It's c. It's c. It's c. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thateeeeeateateateateateateateat-cushe. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. theat-cushed the. the. the. the. theat-cushed that it's going to be hosting the Oscars. Yeah. Which I'm really happy about because they've never had an egg before.

And if you... Oh, sorry, hold on, sorry. Oh, sorry, I'm being told that Egg has been fired from hosting the Oscars. Apparently they just found the eggs old tweets. Really, really sad. So, congratulations, Egg. You are the new champion of social media. I hope you enjoy your time at the top, because soon you will find out that Instagram fame is over-easy. Moving on to some news from China.

They've not been having a good time recently, right? Their economy is in trouble, their infrastructure is crumbling, and their generals haven't invented a new chicken recipe in like 50 years. But over the weekend, they got some good news that sent them over the moon. China has landed a spacecraft on the dark side of the moon, and now we're all getting a chance to see what it looks like. Here's part of a 12-minute video that the Chinese National Space Administration released. It will study the moon's terrain while it's there and bring back samples here to Earth. That's right. China just became the first nation to land on the dark side of the moon.

And this is a big deal because this is a side of the moon the moon the moon the moon the moon the moon the moon the moon the moon the moon the moon the moon the moon the moon is a big deal, because this is a side of the moon that we never get to see. Unless you give it a few drinks and bring up its ex-wife, then the moon gets dark real quick. And I know it may be a difficult concept to grasp, but basically, right, because of the way the moon rotates as it circles the planet, there's a whole side of the moon, the moon, the moon, the moon, the moon, the left side of Mariah Harry's face. Yeah? It's never facing us. We don't know what's on the other side. So the

question, the question now is, what will China find? Everyone wants to know what's there. My guess is the far side of the moon is where they hide the movie set where they fake the original moon landing. Think about it. All right, and finally, big news from the moon is where they hide the movie set where they fake the original moon landing. Think about it. All right, and finally, big news from the world of sports. The Saints, the Rams, the Chiefs, and the Patriots are all moving on to the conference championships. And while these teams are moving on, Chicago is stuck in the past. Chicago still reeling. We saw the game from Cody Parky's miss field goal. Yeah, and last week's Bears Eagles playoff game that knocked Chicago out of the playoffs. So much, in fact, that a Chicago brewery sponsored the Parky Challenge,

where it's 101 people lined up and attempted a 43-yard field goal. Fan after fan continued to try to kick their way for a successful field goal, many of them falling down or kicking the stand in the process. Whoever came up with this idea is a genius. Yeah, no, you know why, you know why, because sports fans always act like they could have won the game, right? When they're barely winning in life. People sitting at home like, you idiot, you should have passed the ball earlier. God damn it! Oh, mom!

My hand is stuck in the Pringles can again! I think we should do this for everything. Everyone that has too much of this when they don't do the job, we're like, oh, that pilot's landing was horrible. All right, Sully, why don't you take the controls? No, if I was tho, tho, the head. Well, it's funny you say that, because Thanos is outside right now. Why don't you take that axe and prove it? Oh, I would, but my hand is stuck in this Pringles can.

But easily, easily, my favorite attempt at vest was not the protection that man needed. And now his balls have a concussion. All right, let's move on to our main story. Today marks the 24th day of the government shutdown. And every day, the situation is getting worse. This is the longest shutdown in American history. Airports are shutting terminals. Court cases are being delayed.

And to make ends meet, Mount Rushmore has been forced to sell ad space to Geico. Now, polls have shown that 55% of the country blames President Trump for the shutdown. And the other 45% have clearly never seen this video. I am proud to shut down the government. Right. But if losing the shutdown battle isn't bad enough for Trump, the news that came out this weekend has probably made him feel even worse. Another shocking report in the New York Times.

And the paper claimed the FBI opened a counterintelligence investigation into whether the president was acting on behalf of the Russians when he fired FBI director James Comey. Last night on Fox News, the president asked point blank whether he worked on behalf of Russia. Are you now or have you ever worked for Russia, Mr. President? I thi th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. A thi. A thi. A thi. A thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the thi thi thi. A the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I'm thi. I'm tm. tmo' tmeo. tm. teananananananananananano' tm. tm. tm. tm. tm. tm or have you ever worked for Russia, Mr. President? I think it's the most insulting thing I've ever been asked. How is that the most insulting question he's ever been asked? I mean, people have been asking him if he wants to bang his daughter, but that is more insulting?

Yeah. The other question was way more reasonable. I mean, we've all seen her. But yes, the other question was way more reasonable. I mean we've all seen her right we've all seen her But yes, the New York Times reported that the FBI investigated Donald Trump because they thought he might be a secret Russian spy Which I'm sorry is just crazy and not because he wouldn't do it, but because Donald Trump would be the world's worst spy No one would hire him right? He can't be a spy. He doesn't even have an inside voice. He'd be out there like, thank you for meeting me under this bridge to exchange these top secret documents. And also, spies are known for blending in. If there's one thing Trump doesn't do, it's blend in. Red tie, orange skin, blonde hair.

The only place he'd blend in is in the job starbursts. Like, he's not blending in. So, I don't think Trump is a Russian spy, all right? But I won't lie. It doesn't help his case when he's doing stuff like this. A bombshell report in the Washington Post claiming President Trump went to quote extraordinary lengths to conceal details of his conversations with Russian President Vladimir Putin. The post reporting that at that private meeting in Hamburg back in 2017, the President

confiscated his own interpreter's notes, shutting out members of the administration. Now you've got to admit, that's real shady, right? Because now everyone wants to know what did he say to Putin that was so bad, he couldn't let anyone else see it? Could have been collusion, could have been something worse, you know, like maybe Trump said, I love you. And then Putin replied, thank you. In which case, I'm with Trump, you can never let that get out.

But enough about Trump, enough about Trump. Let's talk about the people who are going to try and replace it. Because I don't know if you guys know this, but it's only 659 days until the 2020 election. I know, I know, that's like tomorrow, guys. So the big question is, which Democrat will take on Trump? tru. tru. tru. thu. thu. thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu,. That's like tomorrow, guys. So the big question is, which Democrat will take on Trump? Well, we're going to be keeping you up to date on every twist and turn of the crowded democratic race in our new segment, World War D. So, as of right now, there's about a thousand Democrats who are expected to run for president.

And I'll be honest with you, you know what I love about American politics? Is that it's all a game, right? Most of the time, the politicians who stand a real chance of winning, they don't enter the race early. It's always the fringe no names who announce their candidacy first. And you know what, you know what it reminds it reminds it reminds it reminds it reminds it reminds it reminds it reminds it reminds it reminds it reminds it reminds it reminds it reminds it reminds it reminds it reminds it reminds it reminds it reminds it reminds to to to to to to the to, to their to their to, to, to, to, to, their to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. thoo. thooo. the the thooooo. the thoo. the. tho. too. toe. toe. to, to first. And you know what, you know what it reminds me of? It reminds me of a dance circle at a party, right? You ever go to like a company party or anything, whether there's a dance circle? The first people who go in are always the people

who have no business dancing in public. They've got like all the confidence in the world. Like they get in, like all are you going to dance? We're like, no, I don't know. I don't really dance anymore. I just, yeah, I don't, I don't really, I don't really dance. I mean, we'll see what happens, you know? We'll see how it goes. And that's what always happens. And because the election is around the corner, the fringe dancers are jumping straight in. Hawaii Congresswoman Tulsa Gabbard will seek the Democratic nomination for president in 2020.

Gabbard touted her work for her father's anti-gay organization in the early 2000s, promoting controversial conversion therapy. Her views on LGBT rights have shifted dramatically in more recent years. In a statement to CNN, the Congresswoman says she regrets the positions she took in the past. She may also have some real problem with her ties, a secret meeting with President Assad and denying that Assad was behind a chemical weapons attack, a murderer.

So that, I think, maybe even a bigger issue. Wow. So she's got an anti-gay past. And she defended Bashar al-Assad. I I I she's one more controversy away from getting no votes in the Democratic primary. This would be like her coming out like, for the last four years, I've been dating an AR-15. Free Harvey Weistin. Free Harvey Weisteen.

But the truth is, this year is special. Because we're not just hearing from candidates who make you say, who the teill,, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the the the the the the the the the th, the the th, th, th, the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the thi, the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the the the the the the truth is this year is special. Because we're not just hearing from candidates who make you say, who the hell is that? We're also hearing from candidates who make you say, remind me who that is again. Former Housing Secretary Julian Castro kicked off his campaign for president in his hometown of San Antonio, Texis. Before he joined the Obama administration.

This community is a community like so many others across the nation. The American dream is not a sprint or even a marathon, but a relay. Together we will show that hope can be bigger than fear, that light can be bigger than darkness and that truth can be bigger than lies. And as long as we work for it, tomorrow will always be better than today to let's go work. VAMONOS! Is it just me? Or does Castro sound like he went to the Obama School of Speech?

Like same cadence, same delivery. Maybe it is Obama. Like, maybe he just got fed up and he was like, screw it, I'll run again. Just give me my Hispanic mask and I'll do it. And they're like, sir, no one will fall for that. He's like, that's what you said about my birth certificate. Let's do it. Come on. Now, although he has a long shot, Castro could be a real contender. He's a real contender. He's young, but he also has Washington experience. He's a progressive person who's running on universal pre-K and affordable college. His dad probably wasn't Fidel Castro. I mean, these are all the things you want in a candidate. But aside from Gabard and Castro, we've also gotten an announcement from one of the biggest

names in politics, Elizabeth Warren. And she celebrated her announcement with a live Instagram chat from inside her kitchen. Senator Elizabeth Warren becoming the biggest name in the Democratic field to signal she's running for president. Now looking to reintroduce herself to Democrats, connecting with supporters on Instagram. Hold on a sec. I'm going to get me a beer.

My husband, Bruce, is now I'm here. You want a beer? You want a beer? No, I'll pass on the beer for now. You sure? Okay, say a whole other first. So this is my sweetie. Hello. He's the best.

Thank you for being here. Pleasure. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I don't always drink beer. I don't always drink beer. But when I'm trying to look relatable, I do it on Instagram. That was an interesting choice though, right? It really is an interesting choice from Warren, just drinking alone in her kitchen.

I guess she wanted to start her campaign the same way Hillary ended hers, you know? Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, who made that joke? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh.

Who made that joke? All right, I got my steps in. So, as it my steps in. So, as it stands, in the past month, three Democratic candidates have thrown their hats in the ring, and that means the 2020 race has officially begun. It's only January, right? You realize if there are this many candidates now,

that means by the summer, this field will be more crowded than Chuck and Nancy at a podium. You understand that, right? And ultimately, the truth is, the candidate who manages to get through a primary campaign, this pact is going to be the one with the strongest and most passionate base of supporters. So what I'm saying is, don't be surprised if the Democrats' 2020 nominee is the Instagram egg. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, it's going to be coming out every Thursday.

So exciting, you'll be saying to yourself, TGID, thank God it's Thursday, we're going to be talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance, it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. Welcome back to the Daily Show.

My guest tonight is an actor, director and co-creator of the Emmy-nominated Comedy Central Series Drunk History. Please welcome, Derek Waters. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Trevor. First of all, thank you for helping us make that Trump history. Oh, that was so much fun. Right.

Here's something I've always wanted because with Trump it happens naturally, but you have the show. I remember the first time I watched it, it was one of the funniest things I've seen. You've thu thu first thu first th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Thank thi thi thi. Thank thi. Thank thi. Thank thi. Thank you're one one thi. Thank you're one thi. Thank thi. Thank you're one thi. Thank you're thi. Thank you're thi. Thank thi. Thank th. Thank th. Thank the first the first the first th. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. First the first first first first first th. First th. It's th. It's th. It's the fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun. It's the fun. It's one one one one one one one th. It's one thi. It's one thi. It's one thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thee. the. the. the. thi. the. the. the. thi. th. th. the funniest things I've ever seen. You got people who are drunk and they're telling a history story, but all those stories are factually correct. Right, 100% true. So you have fact checkers who come in to make sure that the drunk people are doing it right. Right, it's kind of like the reverse of how you're ta and then be like, oh my god, they just taught me something. That drunk person has intelligence.

But here's something I didn't know about the show. Like I always thought you just literally got a person drunk. And then you ask them to tell the story and then they did it. But it takes you like, Well, you know, whenever any human being has alcohol, they, it's much like tame and a lion, you know, it takes a lot of time, but the first hour is, I'm going to be as funny as I can in front of a camera and in front of a crew, and that's the hard, that's when I realize it's a job, when I just have to sit there and have someone trying to be funny for an hour. That's what any human being would do without alcohol on the camera. So that takes a while and then they get drunk a little longer

and then I'm try to make it a little funnier. But the funniest thing about the whole thing is I always, always get an email the next day going going, I'm so sorry to tell the story. to to to say, to say, to say, to say, I, I, I, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the toldld, told, I, I, I, their, their, the a their, their, their, their, so much, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, and I, and I, and I, to, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, their, and I, and I, their, and I'm some, their, their, their, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, toouu.e.e. Sooomorrow, toon't, tooe. So, too, too, their, their, their. They just never ever remember telling the story. So I start every night going, I promise you tonight, you will never believe me that we told the story. But I promise I will not leave until we have the story. To try to create that trust. It never works. It becomes, it starts drunk history and then it becomes a cop's episode. I love that you just basically you get someone drunk and then you wait for them to move away from like the happy drunk to that point where like we've all been or our friends have been where it's just like like a very depressed drunk person. It's that point of I'm not try

to be funny I'm telling you how I feel. Yes. This issue that happened 300 years ago means something to me and it happened to me, man. And I'm like, oh, then you're you. So help me with the science of this. How do you, do you teach them the history beforehand? They know the history beforehand, yeah. Right. They have like a week to study it. And then they just have to keep like making me look and sound like I'm really drunk. So I'm, it's very believable. The first time I met him I thought it was like, I thought like part of your contract was

that he just had to be drunk. Because of like drunk history. I was like, ah, this is, this makes sense. And it's like, no, you do, you do have like a very drunk. It's an honest assessment. It was also at the Justin Bieber Roe, so let's be honest. Yeah, this, okay, this season though is truly, truly one of the most star-started costs that you have. You've got everyone from, you've got Will Farrell, you've got Elijah Wood, you've got Seth Rogan, Rachel Wood, Rachel Wood, from West World. In the past you've have have have have have have have have have you have have you have you have you have have you have you have you have you have you have th, you have th, you have th, you have thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thoing, thoomay, th, th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. thi, the, the, the, the, theat, theat, theat, theat, theat, that theat theat theat that, that, that, that, the the past, you've had Tiffany Haddish, Lynn Manuel Miranda, Jim Carrey.

How do you get these people to agree to come and be drunk? Kickstarter.com. I started it a couple years ago, and yeah, I'm still alive somehow. No, I just, I got lucky, I got really lucky. I think, I humbly think it's a unique idea, but I also think people want to like tell history. People like, I also think people like to feel smart, whether they are or they aren't, they

like to watch the show and then be like, hey, did you know that? I love that because I don't know, history sometimes isn't taught in the most exciting way, and this is a way that I humbly think that you can stay focused and want to hear everywhere they say. I feel like this should be implemented in schools. Yeah, I feel like history, I would have listened more if history class was just like celebrities getting drunk, if they just brought drunk celebrities to my school, I would have passed history with like flying marks every time.

How do you know when Will Farrell is drunk? Oh, I wish. He's just reenacting. He's not getting drunk. Oh, okay, okay. I was like you can't, like... No, no, I legally would never be able to do that. Yeah, there's just like some people where you just go like, how do you do it? Before I let you go, the one thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing the one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one the one the one the one the one the one the one the one the one th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, th. thi, th. thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. He's, he th. He is, he th. He is, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He is, he, he th. He is, he th. He is, he th. He is, he th. He is, he th. He is, he is, he is, he is, he is, he is, he is, he is, he's, he's, he's th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. th. the. th. th. thing I've always wanted to know is you have alcohol, you have comedians getting drunk, drunk. Surely somebody has done something so crazy, like you didn't put it on TV, but you were like, this thing happened. Like did someone attack you? Did someone throw up on you? All of those. Yeah, we have a medic and security on set. It's a poison. you shouldn't drink alcohol i'm not uh... my show doesn't endorse alcohol it endorses history and comedy

indulgent history but not alcohol yeah thank you so much for being on the show i'm excited for it season six of drunk history will premiere on comedy central January 15th at 10 p. Derek Waters, everybody. She's all. to go. The Daily Show with Cover the today show with Trevor Noah, Ears Edition. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central Act.

Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. Hey, everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talk you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls?

We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to the Weekly Show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast............... the the the the the the election, the the the election.