The Daily Show: Ears Edition - What Should We Do About 2020? | George Wallace

Episode Date: December 10, 2020

Michael Kosta proposes denying 2020 ever happened, Desi Lydic examines the year's rise in horniness, and comedian George Wallace talks about his book "Bulltwit…and Whatnot." Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts

starting September 17th. Hey, what's going on, everybody? Welcome to the Daily Social Distancing Show. I'm Trevor Noah. Today is Wednesday the 9th of December, which means Hanukkah starts tomorrow night. So you only have o' the the the the the tho one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one thoen. thoen. thoen. thoen. thoen. thoen. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. tho. the. the. thi. th. which means Hanukkah starts tomorrow night. So you only have one day left to figure out how you're going to spell it this year. Anyway, coming up on tonight's show, we figure out why it's great to be white. We see why 2020 was such a horny year, and George Wallace joins me on the show.

So let's do this, people. Welcome to the Daily Social Distancing Show. From Trevor's couch in New York City to your couch somewhere in the world. This is the Daily Social Distancing Show with Trevor Noah. Let's kick things off with Donald J. Trump, President of the United States and man who's in a bar fight with reality. Ever since he lost the election, his people have been going through every court in the country trying to find a judge who will help him unloose the election. But yesterday he might have hit a dead end. The Supreme Court has now shot down an effort by President Trump's allies in Pennsylvania in that overall effort to try to overturn the election. Terry, the US Supreme Court seemed to send a very strong signal late today with a very

few words. They sure did. This was brutal, David. No question about it. It took the Supreme Court just 34 minutes between the times. the time that president true, thrown, their tri-o'nigh- the Supreme Court rejecting that entire case. No reasoning, just no, get out of here. And there were no recorded dissents by any of the justices, including Amy Coney, Barrett,

and Neil Gorsuch, and Brett Kavanaugh, all of whom were appointed by President Trump. It came in a single sentence, and we quote, the application for injunctive relief presented to Justice Alito and by him referred to the court, is denied to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, get thi, get out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, the the the their, their their their their their their their, their their, their, their their their their their their thi.a, thi for injunctive relief presented to Justice Alito and by him referred to the court is denied. Oof, man, Trump is taking else people. Not only did they shut this case down, but they shut it down in just 34 minutes. They didn't even pretend that they were going to consider it. This is like asking somebody out, and they just shut you down immediately. Hey, would you like to, no, go out with me?

And Trump must be especially but hurt that the justices he appointed didn't do anything about this. Because in his mind, he thinks that they owe him big time. He's probably like, what the hell, Brett? I stuck with you when everyone said you were a creepy drunk, but now you won't let me be president just because I didn't get enough votes. All of a sudden now you know the meaning of the word no Brett, huh? I hate all of you. Neil, Brett, and you hurt me most of all, Amy Coney Island. But here's the truth man, you can't blame the Supreme Court for not wanting to get involved in Trump's case. Because we all have that one friend. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, theate, the, just the, just the, just the, just the, just the, just the, just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. theat theat the the the the th, man, you can't blame the Supreme Court for not wanting to get involved in Trump's case.

Because we all have that one friend that when you see them crying you think, you know what, I'm just going to keep walking because if I try help, it's going to become a whole thing. So this looks like it could be the end for Trump's legal efforts, because he can't appeal a court than the Supreme Court.., I know I'm only asking for your help when I'm walking down a ramp, but this one's important, big guy. And can we just take a moment to reflect on how hard this past month has been for Trump's people? Because it's not easy to overturn a democracy. It's actually taking a physical toll on them.

I mean, Trump's hair went gray overnight. His legal team is riddled with Corona and now one of Trump's top supporters, Congressman Louis Gomer, is literally falling apart. been with our Afghan allies many times since 2001. His tooth fell out in the middle of a press conference on Capitol Hill. The congressman didn't miss a beat. He quickly caught it with his tongue, tucked it away in his cheek and kept speaking. Gomer tweeted later, accusing reporters of being more interested in a temporary crown coming loose than they were in covering claims of election fraud by the president. That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in 2020. And remember, I've seen everything. I saw Rudy's hair melt.

I saw a human woman marry an inside-out ferret. But as disgusting as it is, it's still pretty funny, man. I mean, Trump's fraud cases are getting knocked out of their court so hard that other people are losing their teeth. And it's not like Louis over here can give that tooth to the tooth fairy, because she's going to be like, uh-uh, I don't sign up for this shit. I have my teeth from kids, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not their their their thed, not, not, not the, not the, not the, not the, not the, not theathed, not the, not the, not thease thease thoed, not the, not the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th's thoth in... My man, my man. I don't care what side of history you're on. If your tooth falls out mid-speech, your argument is over. I know it's not fair, but that's the way it is.

If that happened to FDR, even he would have been like, December 7, 1941, it my two. Forget it. Congress Japan, you've won. But let's move on. As we answer the second year of the coronavirus pandemic, there is one thing on top of everybody's holiday wish list. A PlayStation 5. And after that, a vaccine. And Santa's working hard to make it happen. Great Britain has already begun vaccinations. The United States is close behind. And China has now announced that its new vaccine is 86% effective, but the first country to start mass vaccinations was actually Russia.

And the reason that they were able to be the first is that they didn't finish testing at first, which might be why things haven't been going great with it so far. Interesting request for those getting a vaccine in Russia. Officials telling citizens, please avoid drinking alcohol for two months after being inoculated. They say that alcohol impacts the immune system. There have been some questions about the efficacy of Russia's vaccine. Reports say medical workers who have been vaccinated are still getting COVID. Vladimir Putin has also refused to take it. Wow, there's a lot to unpack here.

First off, Russia's vaccine doesn't allow you to drink alcohol? I mean, this is a tough situation because the only way you would agree to take a Russian vaccine is if you were totally shit-faced. Not to mention, not drinking is going to cause a lot of problems because it means that a lot of Russians are going to be seeing Russia sober for the first time. What is this? My home is frozen wasteland where top food is bits? What the hell is this place? I thought I live in Caribbean.

Also, it doesn't build public confidence in the vaccine. If your leader is like, I'll take my chances with corona. That vaccine is poison, and trust me. But let's move on. From time to time, I see stories that make me think, damn, it is good to be white in America. Because I know a lot of white people are hurting right now, but white people can also get away with shit in this country that nobody else could.

So you know what, I think there's some times where we're just going to take a moment to appreciate it and be like, yo, man, you're so lucky you're white. Tonight's story takes place in Staten Island, which is a little pocket of red America inside deep blue New York City. You know, like if Elmo drowned at sea. And the lucky white person at the center of this story is Danny Presti, bar manager and hairy egg. His luck began a week ago when he found the courage to take a stand against staying alive. For a small bar on Staten Island, Max Public House has become a national lightning rod in the pandemic lockdown. When the southern portion of Staten Island went into the orange zone last month,

the owner of Max Public House said he could not afford to close again. So he declared his property an autonomous zone. He's posted statements on the windows refusing to abide by any rules and regulations put forth by the mayor of New York City and the governor. Open up. Hundreds of protesters outside the now outside the mayor of New York City and the governor. Hundreds of protesters outside the now infamous Max Public House on Staten Island tonight demanding it open for business. USA, USA, USA.

We are a community. We take back our community. We're all together. We take back Staten Island tonight. Okay, right away. I think we can all agree that this dude is behaving very white. Yes. Because it's a very white thing to do to just declare yourself an independent if you don't like the law. I mean, the American Revolution was basically white guy saying, I'll drink tea when I want to drink tea. God damn it, the Queen's gonna tell me is high tea. I want, what if I want low tea or no tea?

What about coffee? Not to mention, he just declared himself autonomous in front of an American flag. I love these kinds of people, man. They always want it both ways. America's ty tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr tyr their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their their their their their their their their their. I their. I their their their. I, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the they always wanted both ways. America's tyrannical, so I declare myself independent USA. But for real, man, white people never cease to amaze me. I mean, they will follow all the rules of escape the room to the letter, but the moment you ask them to wear a mask, they turn into freedom fighters. Where was that freedom-loving attitude when I try to pick the lock instead of searching for clues. Ha! Chad! Now eventually the police did come to shut down this bar and that my friends is when Danny Presti's luck really started.

That defiant general manager of a Staten Island bar was released without bail after he was arrested for hitting a sheriff's deputy with his car. This weekend deputies tried to arrest Danny Presty after he allowed people to gather at Max's public house when.. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. the police. toe. to to to to to to to th. the police. the police. the police. the police. the police. the police. the police. the police. the police. the police. the police. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He's. He's. th. the the th. t. t. t. t. tttttttttttttttttttttele. tttttttttttel. ttttttel. ttel. tel. tttto arrest Danny Presti after he allowed people to gather at Max Public House when it was supposed to be shut down. When they followed him up the block to his cars, they say he ran and drove off hitting a deputy who rolled onto his hood. And despite this surveillance video that shows the incident, Presti has a different version of what happened. I think when the investigation is complete, you're going to find out that I did nothing wrong. Ooh, wee! That dude is so lucky his white.

Yo, can you imagine? Cops say you hit one of them with your car and then you get released without bail. No bail! Ha ha! Best believe if he was black, those cops would have dragged him out of his car, beat the shit out of his car. And you gotta appreciate how he's saying, and the investigation is complete, you'll see that I did nothing wrong. A man, you're on video. The investigation's over, it lasted five seconds.

My eyes just did the investigation. And they saw your ass drive into some police. Case closed. So, instead of being punished for plowing into a cop, this guy gets away with it like he's in Grand Theft Auto. And it's even better than that. At least in Grand Theft Auto, you've got to go into hiding for a bit before you're safe. But no, this guy immediately went to brag about it on Fox News. And I'm looking at your business, and you're getting killed.

And these restrictions, I mean, do people really th heart, life, and soul is involved in this, sir? And I just want to say, I applaud a lot of these small business owners that peacefully push back against this, because they have no other recourse. What it just goes to show you is people are frustrated and they're protective, and they're protective, and they feel like the government is not looking out for them. I don't know if I should reveal this, Danny, but I actually know cops that are telling you privately whispering in your ear, they don't want to do this to you. They're being forced to. And I'm really sorry that you're going through all this, to be very honest.

Damn, boy, you so lucky you're so lucky youizing to him for running over a policeman. A policeman! That's not just any network, but Fox News. Fox always stands with cops against black people. But when it's a white guy, suddenly Fox goes, A breaking news, fuck the police. Smoke weed every day. They even told him he was peacefully pushing back when he was pushing with his car.

Yo, are you serious right now? When black people just walk in the street, Fox calls it a riot, but this white guy drives into a cop, a police officer, an officer of the law. And Fox News is like, now, this is a hidden run that Martin Luther King Jr. Would have been proud of. But I've got one question for you, Fox News. What happened to Blue Lives Matter? Huh? What happened to Blue Lives Matter? I guess technically its Blue Lives Matter is above Black Lives Matter,

but the number one thing is White Lives Matter. So there you have it. This guy declares himself above the law, hosts potential super spreader parties at his bar, treats the police like bowling pins and now he's a Fox News hero. There is nothing else to say except my man, you're so lucky, you're white. All right, we're going to take a quick break, but when we come back, Michael Costa will give us his idea on how to deal with the nightmare that was 2020.

And then we'll look back on why everyone wanted to smash because of 2020. Don't go away. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second, the the the the the the to, to, to, a to, a second, a second, a second, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thii-1, th, th, th, th, th, thi-1, thi-1, thi-1, thi-1, thi-1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1, thi- thi- thi- thiom- thiome, thiomfix thione, thione, thione, thione, thione, thiione, thione, thii-1 1 1 1, thi-1 1, thi-1, thi-1, thi-1, thi-1, thi-1, thi-1, thi-1-1-s, thi-s, thi-s, thi-s-s-s-s-sipeanani-sfoani-sfo-sfoomani-sfoomani-s. 0ea-s, stuff gets looked at, that's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News, listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17.

Welcome back to the Daily Social Distancing Show. So this month, we've been looking back at 2020. We've talked about music, movies, technology, and now to give us his review of this last year, let's bring in a man who can barely remember what he did last night, Michael Costa. Michael, what is your biggest takeaway about 2020? My biggest takeaway from 2020? My take away from 2020, Trevor is that we should take away 2020. This year was a total bust. We got nostalgic when we had toe toe to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi 2020. Okay, this year was a total bust. We got

nostalgic when we had to go to the dentist, okay? We should take 2020, put it in a dumpster, light it on fire and walk away as it explodes behind us. You know what Michael, I hear you, ma'am. But, but I do think we should try to figure out what we can learn from 2020. Like we can't just pretend it never happened, you know. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. th. t. t. tod, today, today, today, today, today, tha, tha, tha, tha, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, to to to t, to to be to be t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, togu, togu. togu. togu. togu. toguu. toguuuuuuuu. toguuuu. togu. today, today, togu. togu. togu. tog we should try to figure out what we can learn from 2020. Like we can't just pretend it never happened, you know? Actually, Trevor, that's exactly what we should do. What? We should pretend? 2020 never happened? Yeah.

Let's all agree, right here and now, as a planet, that 2020 didn't happen. Nothing that happened in 2020 counts. Nothing during 2020 is important. We just skip over the whole year. We're taking one big collective mulligan. Control, alt, delete, force quit. Drop 2020 off at the mall, tell it we'll be back in an hour and then move to another state. Costa, we can't just skip 2020. How would that even work? Duh, it's pretty simple, Trevor. If you lost your job in 2020, you go back to work tomorrow. If you got evicted in 2020, you walk back into your apartment, it's yours again.

If you got married in 2020, you're now divorced. If you got divorced in 2020, you're now married. If you donated a kidney, you go back and get that kidney. If you adopted a dog, you go back to the shelter If you adopted a dog, you go back to the shelter. If you got circumcised in 2020... Well, whoa, whoa, Costa. We get it, but that doesn't work for everything. Like, what about school?

So everyone just repeats a grade again? Yeah, what's the problem? You'd think anyone learned anything from remote learning? The only education children got this year was seeing that a teacher's salary can only forge you a studio apartment. I mean, look at me. I repeated grade after grade and I'm as smart as I ever did. Yeah, but this just is all mass delusion. Yeah, exactly.

But we're deluding ourselves together. And if everyone is delusional, then no one is lusional. Okay? And we do this all the time. Technically, my uncle is an alcoholic, but we as a family have decided together that he's not. So now he's just a carefree guy that likes to vomit on the dog. But reality still happened, my friend, your body still changed. We all still aged. Well, we already don't count reality all the time we just have to do it now in a much faster timeline I mean do any of us remember the pandemic of 1918 of course not if we did we wouldn't have made all the same mistakes again this time

around so instead of being sad and miserable like Americans were in 1919 we just need to jump ahead a hundred years to when they had forgot about an all. Well, I feel like I just got dumb and listening to that. Well, that's fine. I can't just do it over. As long as I get in these mistakes before December 31st, they won't count. Now, Trevor, if you'll excuse me, I have to go get a kidney back. No, you can't actually do that. Michael, Michael, the kidney is there. Michael, that's, that's a crime. Michael Costa, everyone.

Don't forget, Michael Costa has a brand-new one-hour stand-up special this Friday, December 11th at 11 p.m. right here on Comedy Central. It's called Detroit, New York, the hilarious. Be sure to check it out. All right, when we come back, Desilite it goes through all the ways that 2020 turned us on. And George Wallace, the legend, is joining us on the show, so don't go away. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives.

You're rolling? But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17. Welcome back to the Daily Social Distancing Show. 2020 is almost over, and I think we can all agree that it has been probably the best year in human history. I mean, everything went perfect and nothing went wrong at all. And for the rest of the month, we're going to be remembering all of 2020's best moments. Today, Desiletic looks back on what made 2020 so damn sexy.

For many people, 2020 was the most challenging year of their lives. It brought out a whole new range of experiences and emotions. People were scared, they were sad, they were scad. That's when you're so sad, it scares you. But being stuck at home for most of the year had another even stronger effect on people. They were horny as hell. In March, Pornhub had a historic spike in worldwide traffic. And only fans, a site that allows subscribers to directly message and pay their favorite performers,

is getting around 200,000 new users per day. That's right, not everyone was baking bread during the pandemic. Some people were needing their own dough. People were so thirsty for online porn that even your grandma finally memorized the Wi-Fi password. And she can't even remember your name. But you can only watch so many pizzas getting delivered by the pole boy to the stepmom who's also a cheerleader. Some people were so horny in 2020 they crossed a forbidden line. Getting lucky in lockdown Match.com put out their annual singles in America survey. Get this it

shows that one in four Americans turned toward their roommate for intimacy and sex during the pandemic. Wow, those people must have been really lonely. Not because they were boning their roommates, but because they were filling out a survey on Match. their com. I don't care how desperate I get. I will never stoop that to sleep with my roommate, even if he is my husband. Thankfully, not everyone hooked up with their roommates this year.

Some people were fantasizing about a different resident in their home. The single folks out there haven't been dating because of lockdown restrictions. They've been turning to dating apps, zoom meetings, all this stuff. But there's about 28% of you guys that have been getting turned on by Alexa. Yeah, like, hey, Alexa, that Alexa. Hey, no judgment. There is nothing wrong with finding voices sexy. My first boyfriend was a speaking spell.

Should I know when I wasn't as type when I caught him with my Simon. But I don't know, the Alexa thing, I don't really get it. Siri? Definitely. She's got that super hot voice. Oh, sorry, I didn't quite get that. Uh, yeah, she can quite get that any time she wants. I don't know, Alex always sounds uptight like she's got sand stuck in her motherboard. I heard that you skanked. Between porn use and spanking it to the robot who reorders your toilet paper, people might have spent 20-20 stuck at home, but their minds were in the gutter.

And you could see the horniness everywhere, even in places where you wouldn't expect it. Like this summer, when Martha Stewart dropped one of the hottest thirst traps of all time, or when Chris Evans gave us a peeking at his camera. At ease, Captain America was captain of a boat, right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. Permission to come aboard, sir? Captain America was captain of a boat, right? But some people got too horny this year and gave horniness a bad name. An unsettling incident involving CNN's chief legal analyst now off the air for allegedly pleasuring himself on a Zoom video call. Jeffrey Chubin, who's also a staff writer for the New Yorker, was suspended by the magazine for masturbating

during the call last week with other New Yorker employees and WNYC radio staff watching. Ew, Jeffrey Tubin? Ewbun, no wait, Tubin is better. More like Jeffrey Tubin. Ha, got him. When you're on a work Zoom, that's not time to paint your toenailn, tune, tune, tune, tune, tune, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, the, t, t, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, the, the, the, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they.a, they.a, anda, theyu, anda, anda, theyu, theyu, theyu-a, theyu-n, thea, thea, thea, mea, too, too, too, too, tou-n, toa, toa, thea, thea, thea, that's not time to masturbate. That's time to paint your toenails or get your Christmas shopping done online. You got to keep it professional. He just had to do it on a work zoom.

I can't imagine that you couldn't figure out a better time to squeeze in, squeezing it out. This was the year of extra free time. I learned to play the guitar. I knit sweaters for th for th for th for th for th for th for th for th for th for thers for time. I learned to play the guitar. I knit sweaters for everyone I know. I did 600 puzzles, one for every time I masturbated, which there was plenty of time to do. But thankfully, the horniest moment of the year was one that we welcomed with open arms. The WOP video, which stands for wet-ass Pajinda. Cardi B and Megan the Stallion must have known that horniness was at an old-time hide because

this song has something for horny creatures of all species. Men, women, snakes, tigers, leopards, and fake billionaires. More importantly, it was a symbol of female sexual empowerment. Just watching that video is the equivalent of doing 500 kegels. And we needed that this year. We felt so horny and helpless. And then this song came out and told women that it's okay that you had to change your batteries

out of your vibrator twice this year. It's okay that you're taking extra long mommy showers. It's okay that you're starting to find Olaf from Frozen attractive. You found him attractive before the pandemic. Ooh Alexa you secret-spilling bitch! So that's the year in horniness. 2020 has been a crazy year in so many ways, but horny moments gave us just a little bit of escape. We'll never forget about the way it made us feel in our hearts, in our minds, and in our wet-ass paginas. You receive the notification Lady Loub is out of stock. God damn it, Alexa! I will unplug you! Thank you so much, Desi. All right, stick around because when we come back, the great George Wallace is joining me on the show.

When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17.

Welcome back to the daily social distancing show. So earlier today, I spoke with the legendary comedian George Wallace. We talked about his remarkable career, how he's become a favorite on Twitter, his brand new book, and so much more. Mr. George Wallace, welcome to the daily social distancing show. Dr. George Wallace, let's get that clear before we start. Don't you feel better since you're talking to me? Oh no, I do already. Dr. George Wallace. I'll take it.

Because I remember when I, I mean, when you, when you first start doing stand-up, you hear the names, you hear the biggest names, the pioneers, the people who did it, the people who are still doing it. And for me, one of the names that always stuck out was George Wallace. you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you the the the the the the the the the the th. the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. When, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th to to th th the th the audiences. I mean, from the days of Jerry Seinfeld in the clubs, grinding away all the way through to you having a Vegas residency, you are Mr. George Wallace, Dr. George Wallace. I'm sure it's a doctor, is it a doctorate in? Is it a doctorate in? Yeah, you see, you got it, man. So you'll be thinking. Dr. Comedy, comedy, George Wallace. And you know, to th. they, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. C. C. Dr. Dr. C. C. C. C. C. C. G. C. C. G. C. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. You, to, to you, to, to, to you, to you, to you, to you, to you, to you, to you, to you, to you, to you, to you, to you, to you, to you. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You, to, to, to to to to to th. th. th. th. to. to th. th. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. through, through, started out hitting the clubs, four or five clubs a night. Do you know, to this day, we've been best friend for 45 years,

to this day in New York City before the pandemic? We still go to the clubs, four or five clubs a night, and try out these new jokes. There are a few comedians I know, who love and perform stand-up comedy as much as you do. And then the pandemic hit and I was like, where is George Wallace and what is he doing? Well, since March 14th, I shut down my TV show at Netflix and I came to Atlanta and I came to Atlanta, and I today, that's Wacanda. Listen to me, first of all, speaking your country I've been there, most beautiful country in the world and I love it, Table Bay. What's What's the beach I hang out? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. th. ti. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. the the the the the love it. Table Bay. What's the name of the beach I hang out? It's Camps Bay? That's the beach I hang out. Yes, yes, Camps Bay. I know you're from up in Johannesburg. I enjoyed your country so much and I just wanted to know you in my country now.

Have you been to Atlanta? Oh, of course I've been to Atlanta. Oh, of course I've been to Atlanta. Tell the truth. When when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. Oh, I was, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I their their their. I their their their. I their their. I their. I their their their their their their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their their. I'm their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the truth when you got off the airplane did you go holy shit you know so the many black people in your life right? Hey you know you know what I used to say you know what I used to say George in Atlanta you go what the hell it's so many black people and you know the story on Atlanta been the movie making capital world like the Black Panther they wanted to make that in Africa and they actually went to Africa to make the movie but when they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their. they they they they their. their. they they their. they their their. their their they their their their their. their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they didn't have have have have have have have have their their they didn't have their their their to have to have to have to have to have to have their told. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the Black Panther. They wanted to make that in Africa. And they actually went to Africa to make the movie, but when they got over there, they didn't have enough black people. So they call Delta and fly them right back to Atlanta. There's so many black people here, so I just wanted to bring that up,

but yes, what am I doing now? I'm still writing jokes and having fun, and you And you know, one thing I do, I keep my legal pad with me. I continue to write new jokes every day, and that's what I'm doing. How do you, how do you, how do you stay so relevant though? My job is to keep up with times and I'm dealing with this, uh, pandemic here in Atlanta. For the last few months, I've been writing, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've the, I've the, I've the, I've to write, I've the, I've to write, I've to write, I've to write to write to write to write to write to write to write to write to write to write to write to write to write, I' to write, I to write, I to write, I to write, I've writing to write, I've writing to write, I've writing to write, I've th, I've the, I've thi and I've thi. thi. thi. thi. to write, I've to write, I've thi. to write the Twit. I couldn't say, why Bull Twit? Because I said, they won't buy a book that says bullshit. So put Bull Twit and whatnot. And these are my ramblings for so many, so many years, just stupid stuff off my head.

And I was wondering for years before I started doing Twitter, why should I give away my jokes for three? Right. I said, you jokes for three? Right. I thought about it. I said, you know what? If I do this, it's not real jokes. It's just a little thoughts from the mind. If I do this, the whole world gets to see me.

You know, otherwise they have to come to Las Vegas. But right now, I'm glad I did it. Now we've got almost a million followers and every day we get to check with people and laugh and have fun. I feel like that's what makes you fresh, that's what makes you funny. I'd love to know, because I mean you've got the book of your tweets and the rants and the ramblings, and I feel like in many ways that that's how you formulate your show in Vegas. Because you have one of the longest residences of all time. You are the the tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. todes. todes. todes. todes. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. I's today. to be to bea. I's thauu. I'm to be thau. I'm thau. I'm thauia. I's thau. I's thau. I's thau. I's to bea. I's tha. I's t. I's t. I. I. I. I. I's t. I. I. I's. I's twee. I's twee. I's twee. I's twee. I's today. I's today. I's today. I'm today. I'm today. I'm today. I'm today. I'm today. I'm today. I'm today. I'm today. I'm today you love Vegas so much? Trevor, I am so happy to live my dream. I never wanted to do TV. I never wanted to do movies. When I was a kid, all I wanted to do was work in Las Vegas, Nevada.

All I want to do is entertain people. And you know, it's not how much money you make. It's how you enjoy your life while you're like. Yes, yes. And I enjoy my life and I went to Las Vegas and I've broken records there. I've worked longer in Las Vegas. I've done more shows than any African-American because I went to Las Vegas and I don't work for the hotels, I own my show. I do the producing, I do the... That's what I'm talking about.

I like the jokes. So it's pretty, and I love what I do. As you said, you are the longest African-American performer in Las Vegas in history. But there was a time when you were doing comedy, when black performers weren't even allowed in the club, when you had to go and perform in places where they wouldn't even theyto perform, but you still found that joy and you had comedians who rallied around you, black, white, everyone was doing it.

Talk me through that, like, was there never a point in that period where you were like, maybe I should pick another career, maybe I should do something else? Oh, hell no. You know what I do every night? I'm so blessed, I go out on that tha that's tha tha tha tha tha. And I just lie. I just lie. I just make up shit. I just lie. I think God tell God him like, just let me be the greatest bullshitter ever. But right now Trump is kicking my ass in the

books. But Trevor, to answer your question, when I started comedy back in 1976, there were very few black comedians. That was Red Fox and that was Richard Proud, of course, and a few others. And I always wanted to do the comedy. And I said, I never thought about doing anything else, you know, and I was making a lot of money. Now, you live in New York City before I was a comedian, I was 1975, all of the billboards, the spectacles at Times Square, all of those advertising boards, I was vice president of that company. So I was making in 76 making like 75, 80,000 dollars a year.

Wow. Are you, that's not what I want to do? I wanted to tell jokes and go on stage. And I don't care about money, the money will come and to be able able a a a a a to be able their to be able to be able their their to be able their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. I. I. I. I. I. I, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th.e. I. I. I. I. I'm, th.e.e.e.e.ea.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e. I'm, the their, the their, the on stage. And I don't care about money, the money will come and to be able to go out and then do the Tonight Show. So when I did the Tonight Show, I'm one of the very likes to do the Tonight Show. So I did the Tonight Show, the next night, I was on stage in front of 17,000 people. That was back in the day when you did the tonight shownigh. I was that was that was to do to do night to become a comedian. So I opened for the likes of Natalie Cole, Diana Ross. I worked Caesar's Palace.

I wanted to work every kind of stage. There used to be a time when comedy and music, you couldn't separate them. Every single musician in the country had a comedian opening up their shows. You were one of those comedians performing. First of all, do you miss that? And secondly, why do you think that's stopped? Well, it became, it's a different time because we have comedy clubs now, so comedians go to comedy clubs and work. But back in the day, when I was opening, you're right, comedian would open for singers. What happened to me? I enjoyed what I was doing. I started,

most comedians get to do 20 minutes. I never had that opportunity. I worked with Diana Ross. I started 20 minutes. She says, take it to 25, 30. I was with Tom Jones for five and a half years. He made me do 45 minutes every night, and I loved it. And then the most difficult part about opening, let's say the guy like Tom Jones, the same 500 ladies came every night. He told me that it's not going to be good Mr. Wallace because the same 500 ladies will come every night and so it's going to be emptied down front. Do you know for five years

every night those ladies are at my shell throwing underwear at me and that's what taught me to be a great comedian and learn how to do a different show every night. I just loved. I just I just to thrown the thrown the greatest thrown thoeee. thiiiiiiiiiiiiiomeomeomeomeomeomeomeomeomeomeomeomeomeomeomeomeomeomeomeomeome. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. I's the. I's the. I's the. I's the. I's the. I's the. I's the. the. the. the. the. the. theeeeeaa. thea''''a'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'e. the greatest job in the world, Trevor, and I do nothing. I just lie. I just make up shit. Well, my friend, not only are you one of the greatest comedians for doing that, I think you're very fully qualified to be president of the United States. So if you ever get tired of Vegas, you know where you can start your next residency if you want to lie president tomorrow. You know, the first bar I would pass. Chick-fil-a-is gonna be open on Sunday.

I don't give her damn foot, they say, Chick-filla-, will be open. That's the first I won't pass. Second law, I'm gonna pass. Steve Harvey ain't hosting shit no more, okay? Let me let me tell you more about this book here. This book is something that most people should get. It makes you a great Christmas gift under your tree. You know the person that has everything, what do you get them?

Yes. You get them a book to keep them laughing. Trevor, I'd be thinking, I did not go to Amazon.com because they take half your money. But George Wallace.net, go online and get this book because you need laughter in your life. And when you stop laughing, you stop living. That's all you got to do, my friend. Thank you so much for taking the time. I hope to meet you officially in person in the flesh one day, but until then, I'll make sure everybody gets the book. We're going to get it from the website. And th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the thu thu thu thu to thu to to to to to to to to to thu to to to to to to to to to to the to to the tho tho to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th.a thu.a.a.a.a. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. thooooooooooooooooooe. to to the. to to to to to to to to to the website and the next time we meet we will continue to talk about both Wakanda and Cape Town South Africa Thank you for saying that too. You want to meet me in flesh How the hell else are you gonna meet me? People can say some stupid shit right?

You're gonna now you meet like this. This is how you meet now. And you got you got to you got to know that I'm an asshole. So I never call the show without saying. the show. th. the show. the show. the show. th. th. the show. the show. th. th. the show. the show. the show. th. the show. the show. th. the show. the show. the show. the show. the show. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the the the the the the the the the to. the the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I'm an asshole. So I never call the show without saying I love you and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Which is fucking yes. Oh man, George Wallace, I'll see you around my friend. Look off to yourself. You gotta do, you too now. Don't forget everybody. George's new book,

Bulltwit and whatnot. that's our show for tonight. But, but, but, but, but, but, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to be, the the the to be, to be, to be, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, together...... tooooooo, too, too, too, too, too, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, it. Well, that's our show for tonight. But before we go, I just wanted to remind you again to please try to support your local restaurants if you can. They are struggling to stay open during this pandemic. And if they don't get the help that they need, they might not be open for you when the pandemic is over. Now, if you want to help beyond just ordering food, then please consider a donation to the James Beard Foundation's Open for Good campaign, which is helping independent restaurants survive this pandemic. Until tomorrow, stay safe out there, wear a mask, and

remember, if you really want to keep COVID away from you, just declare yourself an autonomous zone. It works every time. The Daily Show with Trevanoa, Ears Edition. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. When 60 Minutes premiered in September, 1968, there was nothing like it.

This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17.

This has been a Comedy Central Podcast.