The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Where’s Melania? The Melania Trump Files

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

Melania Trump: Donald’s third wife and America’s First Lady. From hating Christmas to tone-deaf fashion choices to Melania body doubles, here’s a look back at her time in the White House. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart here, unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show, we're gonna be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. You're listening the United States. She's the partner of the president, hostess of the White House, and back up Snuffle Epigus. But while hashtag all wives matter, there's one first lady who matters more than any other.

Melania Trump. Milania Trump. Wife. Further. ever. Melania, here to your left. Melania Trump. Wife. Berther. Fashion icon. Animal Lover. Colonial Explorer.

On January 20, 2017, this third wife became America's first lady. It was a moment she celebrated with great joy and instant regret. And while public life can put a strain on a relationship, it only made Melania and Donald stronger. Since day one, they've been inseparable. If you don't count the six months she stayed in New York while she reportedly renegotiated her prenup. But after that, it was a love story for the ages. Those ages being a hot 50 and, I don't know, 97?

During their time in the White House, Melania and Donald were often seen taking long, romantic walks, holding hands, trying to hold hands, and refusing to hold hands. Yes, you could always see the look of fiery passion whenever Melania was at her husband's side. And it's easy to see why. The first lady's husband lived to spoil her. It's Melania's birthday, so happy birthday to Malania.

Do you want to tell us what you got her? Well, I better not get into that, because I may get in trouble. Maybe I didn't get her so much. There's nothing more romantic than a man of mystery. But a first lady's job is more than just being a devoted wife. She's also in charge of turning the White House into a white home. And Melania let nothing stand in her way. Melania Trump is defending a tweet she sent out about construction on the White House tennis pavilion, which some have criticized as tone death amid the coronavirus outbreak.

Yes, even in the midst of a global pandemic and with less than six and a half weeks left in office, Melania had the courage to do something literally no one was asking her to do. Personally renovate the White House tennis court in four-inch heels with a golden shovel. And while this renovation was so masterful it made the property brothers look like the Trump brothers,

amazingly it came just months after her previous masterpiece, the new White House Rose Garden. The intensely private first lady is facing the glare of the spotlight yet again, criticized for her recent renovation of Jackie Kennedy's famous rose garden. The rose garden that she put some pretty dramatic changes to. Good for Melania. Who needs roses when a virus is destroying everyone's sense of smell anyway?

Besides, if there's one thing a supermodel knows, it's the importance of removing unpleasant shrubbery. And at no point was Melania's flair for design more apparent than during the holiday season. When every Christmas she chose a fun holiday theme, like Ho Ho Ho Horror movie and the Grinch who murdered Christmas, Christmas, all while never losing the spirit of the season. So gives a fuck about Christmas stuff. Yes, thanks to Melania, America's saying who gives a fuck about Christmas again? But perhaps Melania's greatest legacy as First Lady was her celebration of all God's

children whose parents could prove they were citizens. This is a picture of Melania Trump boarding Air Force wanted to head down to McAllen, Texas to visit some of the children being held in detention center. She's wearing a green jacket on the back it's written in white. I really don't care, do you? Wow, only Melania could pull up a sleeveless dress and a heartless jacket. But other than that, Melania overflows with love for children. You see, she's not just the stepmom of these four little boss babies.

She's the nation stepmom, there for America every other weekend and on holidays. So when she saw the bullying epidemic that was tormenting the country, she stepped forward with a grammatically courageous initiative. Today, I'm very excited to announce, be best, an awareness campaign dedicated to the most valuable and fragile among us, our children. Melania told children across America to be best, and be best they beat. Just look how much this bully learned.

Bernie Sanders, Crazy Bernie, Greatest Loser on Earth. Crazy Bernie, one of the greatest losers of all type, this guy. No, but I meant that in a nice way. So thank you, Melania. You made America's smile. And we hope we made you smile. No? There it is. Wait, false alarm. There we go. Okay, whatever. Okay, whatever. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly

Show, coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient-to-bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. Last week was President Trump's first international trip. Instead of his visits and looking at the effects on U.S.-Israel relations,

everyone was focused on Donald Melania relations. The thing that got an enormous amount of media attention had to do with Melania Trump, the first lady, and some video. Was this an actual slap? Or did she just pull her hand away? the contact of a slap. Wow. Leave it to Fox News not to recognize what rejection from a woman looks like. She slapped his hand away, which probably means she wants a promotion first, right? She, she slapped his hand away, which probably means she wants a promotion first, right?

Right? Now on the next leg of Trump's trip, which took him to the Vatican, Trump's hands really couldn't catch a break, because this time, the first lady gave him the old, down low too slow, which made me wonder, like, when you watch that, do you think maybe Melania is jealous? Maybe that's what this was about? Oh, now you want to hold hands, Donald, tha, to, to hold, to hold, to be hold tha, to be to be hold to be ha, to be to be to be to be to be ha, to be to be to be holding to be holding to be holding to be holding to be holding to be holding tha, tha, throwne, throwne, thoma, tooom. tooom. tooom. Which tooomomom. Which tooom? Which, which tooom? Which, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, is jealous? Maybe that's what this was about? Oh, now you want to hold hands, Donald. You sure you wouldn't rather be holding that orb?

I remember when you used to touch me like the orb, Donald. I told you, Melania, me and the orb was a one-time thing. The orb means nothing to me, means nothing. I was barely hard. I know a lot of people think we here at the Daily Show are nothing but haters when it comes to the White House. But that's not true. I've always been a fan of Melania Trump. You know, as a fellow immigrant, she inspires me. Because I know that I can never become President of the United States, but if I work hard, I might become first lady. So she's my role model, which is thl, she, she, she, she, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thi, thi thi thin, thi thin, thii thi thi thin, thi thi, thi, thi, th president of the United States, but if I work hard, I might become First Lady. So she's my role model, which is why today, Melania Trump is in my thoughts. First Lady Melania Trump is hospitalized tonight

after undergoing a surgical procedure on her kidney. The White House saying the procedure was for a benign condition and that there were no complications. President Trump tonight visiting his wife, who's expected to remain to remain to remain to remain to remain to remain to remain to remain to remain to remain to remain to remain to remain to remain to remain to remain to remain to remain to remain to remain to remain in in to remain in to remain in to be to be to be the military to be the military the military the military the military the military the military the military to be ign condition and that there were no complications. President Trump tonight visiting his wife, who's expected to remain in the military hospital for the rest of the week. They're saying that they want to go ahead and keep her for a week, which is unusual in the case like this, but it could be because she's the first lady and they just want to pay extra attention. Yeah, she's staying an extra week. I feel like after a couple of hours the doctor told her she could go home and

Melanie was like, no I should stay. I should stay until you check everything out. I stay longer. I was like, okay well Miss First Lady since we're keeping you longer, your husband is on his way to visit. Okay, pull the plug. We've tried everything. Pull the plug. It's like you're not on life support. I don't care, just try it. See what happens. What's wild about the story is, look at these two people. How is she the one with the health issue? How? I mean, Trump's blood type is KFC positive.

He does not live a healthy life. At a rally last week, Trump vowed to fight for the rights of the LG BBQ community. You know the weirdest part about this whole Melania thing is she went into the hospital, it was supposed to be like a two-day thing, then she was there for a week, then it was two weeks, then we didn't see her and then now it's three weeks, and then they. What was even stranger was that Trump was, he was walking out of the White House and then he was being interviewed by the press gaggle and then someone said like where's Melania and he was like, oh she's fine she's looking at us right now and he

pointed at a window and then all the press turned and there was no one there. And then he just walked away. And the the the the they they, they, they, he, he, he, he, and he, and he, and he, and th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, and thi, tho, and tho, tho, thrown, thrown, tho, their, and their was their was their was their was their was their was their was their was their was their was their, and was their, and was their, and was their, and was their, and was their, their, their, their, their, th was th was th was th was th was thi, was thi, was thr, was thr, was thrown, was thrown, was thrown, was thrown, was thrown, was thr-was thr-was thrown, was their was their was their was their was their was just like, is this like a real thing? Like, he almost said it like he's being haunted by Melania. Like, he sees a ghost that no one else sees, but he's like so dumb that he doesn't know he's being haunted. Because I feel like Trump would be that kind of guy. He's so like self-absorbed that White House and he'd be like, Baron, your friends are here. Do you guys know about my electoral college victory? Like the lady from the ring would come out of the TV and then Trump would grop her and

she'd go back in? She'd have to like testify in front of Congress. There's actually some fake news that is plaking the president right now. It's about Melania. The fake Melania conspiracy is back after the First Ladies' visit to Alabama and Georgia this week. The theory that Melania Trump had a body double for public appearances began in 2017, but that was denied by fact-checkers.

Now though again, Twitter users are comparing this to other images, arguing it's not the same woman, but many also commenting lighting and makeup are likely causes for the mistaken identity. How is this on the news? How is this even a thing? Of course, Melania looks a little different on some days, right? She's a person. Every person looks different day to day. This was me like two months ago, okay? This was me three years ago, all right?

This was me yesterday when I found out Jelo is engaged. Okay? I look different. I look different because clearly I'm so happy for her and like the 20th best Yankee. I'm very happy. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I just I wanted A-Rod for myself. So please guys let's stop with this whole fake Melania business, all right? Because it's not true.

Although I will say this, if you do zoom in on that picture, there is something a little suspicious. And that is that they're holding hands. So on second thought, maybe fake Melania. Hey, everybody, John Stewart here. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I am. I am. I to. I to. I am. I am. I am. I am. I am to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to told. toe. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tooom. tooom. tooom. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. th. I. I. I. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the. I the. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea here to tell you about my new podcast the weekly show coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast. Yesterday was a momentous day for Donald J. Trump, he was indicted for 34 counts of falsifying business records and also one

count of clogging the courthouse toilet. They added that one at the last minute. So old Trump, he went down to the courthouse, looked around stupid for a couple of minutes, then fled on his private jet to Florida because, as you all know, Florida does not have an extradition treaty with the United States. In a defiant speech at Marl, the former president claimed he's a victim and targeted the prosecutor and judge in the case. They can't beat us at the ballot box, so they try and beat us through the law.

The criminal is the district attorney. I have a trump-hating judge with a trump-h hating wife and family. Who, you know, go to trial and talk shit about the judge. That's bold. The judge could destroy you. He could destroy you and you're riling them up. You're about to fight cocaine bear. You don't offer them crack first. And he didn't just call out the judge. Trump called out the kids.

You don't pull the kids. And even rappers don't go after the kids. And they murder each other. And Trump said the man has a Trump-hating wife. But to be fair, to be fair, I don't even know if that was an insult, because Donald Trump also has a Trump-hating wife. You can't tell me, Melania, don't hate that man. If anything, this week was confirmation.

If y'all think Trump, let me ask you this name. During Donald Trump's 45 minutes as a political prisoner, where was his wife? Many people noticed the former first lady, the former president's wife, Malania Trump, was not in attendance last night. His wife, former first lady Melania Trump, she was not there. Among the guests were ardent Trump supporters, including Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Green, and the My pillow founder, Mike Lindel, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, the, where, where, the, where, the, the, where, where, the, where, where, the, where, the, where, where, where, where, where was the, where was the, where was the, where was the, where was thi, where was thi, where was thi,. Among the guests were ardent Trump supporters, including Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Green, and the My Pillow founder, Mike Lendell. One person noticeably absent last night was former First Lady Melania Trump.

Even the pillow salesman showed up for the speech. But his own wife didn't show up. And the speech was at the speech, but his own wife didn't show up. And the speech was at the house. Melania didn't even come downstairs. She just, she opened up the bedroom door. Oh, you're back from prison already. Oh. Now look, we're making jokes.

We're making jokes. But there's nothing funny about a former first lady not showing up to her husband's speech where he's complaining about getting arrested for lying about paying off a porn stock. Frankly, I'm concerned about Melania's whereabout. So we launched a search for, and that search is being headed by our very own Dulce Sloan Dulce. Dulce. Now, do you say you're in Florida. You're in Florida, you're in Florida, Dulce. Hello, poor people. Yes, we are, we are very poor dulcet.

I mean working. You down there on the coast. Are there any signs of Melania down there? Oh, not yet. You know, I've been looking for her at the beach all day. And after this I'm going to look for her at brunch and then I might go look for her at the front row of a magic mic show. You know, I'm vigilance, and see out here. Ain't the magic mic show in Las Vegas? I think you'd take an advantage of the corporate expense account.

We'll talk about that later. But first, let's just, while I got you, let's just talk about this whole thing. Don't you think that Melania should leave Donald Trump? I mean, the man was paying hush money to porn stars. Roy Roy, Roy, you don't understand, son. The hush money was for Melania. She's the reason he didn't want people to know about Stormy Daniels. Shit, if he wasn't married,

his campaign slogan would have been, a p-porn star. Bribb-b-ah- Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Before, but for Melania, he paid a porn star, $130,000. Oh, to know a love like that. Oh.

Oh. You know, I mean, it's kind of romantic for a man to just break brand like that for you. Okay. You know, I mean, it's, you know, it's kind of romantic for a man to just break bread like that for you. Okay, I got you. So then, so then you think Melania should stay with Donald. F. No.

He cheated on her with a porn star. Come on. I've dumped men for a lot less. I broke up with a voicemail. A voicemail, sir, what year do you think this is? Just leave a comment on my Tick-Tock like an adult, Grandpa. Okay, so I see what you're saying. So then you think Malaniya should have dumped Trump back in 2016. Oh, hell no.

Listen, Uncle Roy, are you listening? Why would she dump him when he just got elected El Presidente? You cheat on me? You think I'm gonna let some porn star be the first lady? What the hell no? Nah, bitch, I'm getting a portrait, okay? A real one with paint and shit, okay? Okay?

Okay. Okay. I'm talking about a canvas, a easel and we're gonna sit there for seven hours and look happy, damn it. Okay, going every which way then, don't say, just tell me, what the hell should Milani do that? She should be doing what she's been doing. Take advantage of Trump when he's president, and when he's not lit his ass twisting the wind while you at home watching Martin Runs and banging these pool boards. I mean she's doing it at Marlago right now. Wait so you know what she is but then why are you running up an expense account on my week? What you what you what? This is my week hosting and you're running up the bill with all this travel come on

Wow, this is how you treat a black woman That's not a minute. No, no, no, that's not how I'm in it. No, no, no, that's not how I'm in it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No, no, no, no. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. Black. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. this. that. this. this. this. this. that. that. that. that. that. this. that. that's not how I'm in it. Wow! That's not how I'm in it. Wow! That's not I, no, no, no, no, let me. No, I should be out here with a tail far bag and a, and Morris chestnut, and you out here try to act like I'm not doing my job. You know what?

I'm gonna get to do with podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcast. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show.

We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio, on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast.