The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Window Seat vs. Aisle Seat I Hold Up with Dulcé Sloan & Josh Johnson

Episode Date: June 17, 2023

When it comes to airline seats, which do you prefer? Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and Daily Show writer Josh Johnson debate the better seat: the window or aisle. The two discuss the ease of getting to the bathroom on the plane if you’re in an aisle seat, the head support a window seat provides when taking a nap, and the dos and don’ts of middle seat etiquette.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Hey everybody, welcome to Hold Up. It's a big show about not a lot. I'm going to do one of these every episode. I'm just going to find a way to describe it in a different way. I'm your co-host. Hoast. Whenever there's two, it does also make it a bit of a weird thing. But whenever you do the drops, you always say that you're the host. So. Yeah, yeah, but then that's just because you're not there. Oh. Yeah. But I'm your host, Josh Johnson, joined by my co-host. Wow. The downgrade. I'm a co-pilot situation, right? Like, because, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, there, there, there's, th. there's, there's, there's, th. th. th. th. th. th. there's, th. th. th. th. there, there, th. th. there, there, th. th. there, there, there, th. there, there, th. there, th. there, there, there, there, there, th. th. there, th. there, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. the. those. tho. the. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. the. th. th. th. th. host. Wow, the downgrade. I'm a co-pilot situation, right?

Like, because there are some days you're gonna be piloting. Okay. There's gonna be days where you care very much about something that I'm just opposed, but I don't care as much. That's a pilot day for you. Okay, okay, I hear you. What's your name?

Tell the people. I could have been th th th th th th th th tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha, it tha, it tha, it's tha, it's tha, it's tha, it's tha, it's like tha, it's like tho, it's like thi, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, thi, thi, thi, thooooooooooooooo, thooooooooooooome, thoooooo, tho, thi, thi, th okay, I hear you. I hear you. What's your name? Tell the people. I am Dulce Sloan. Could have been Lazaria Sloan, but there was a very brave woman who did my birth certificate who really just had to put her foot down. I'll tell you that story later. But yeah, I'm Dulce Sloan. I'm here. I woke up and it is what it is, baby. You know, the Lord has blessed us to see another day to talk about the nonsense that we talk about on this

here podcast. So we're here, we're here on this audio format today, not to talk about anything big going on the world, we're not talking about climate change. We're not talking about anything serious. We are diametrically opposed. We are budding heads. We can't seem to agree on WindowSea versus ILC. Because you don't want to live right. I don't want to live right. You're out here living in chaos.

Okay, so, first of all, t Tell the people what side you're on. I am team window seat. Joshua, where do you land on this? I'm team aisle seat because we can at least both agree. That no one in our Christian circle would want the middle seat. That is a life that is, that if you love the middle seat, I'll go ahead and say it. I'll try it. I don't, I'll to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to say. I'll to say. I'll to say. I'll to say. I'll to say. I'll to say. I'll to say. to say. to to to the the te. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. I their. I the the the their. I te. I te. I te. I te. I te. tea. tea. team. team. team. team. team. team. team. team. team. team. team. the the the the the the seat. That is a life that is, that if you love the middle seat, I'll go ahead and say it. I don't care who it offends.

I think you're living foul. You're living very foul. Also, I can say it's been a good minute since I've been in a situation on a plane where there even was a middle seat. Wow. Wow. That's one of those things that look. That's a blessing. Look at Jesus.

But I would not tell everybody that all the time. Yeah, I mean, because you know there's haters out here, you know that. You can't let everyone know how the Lord blesses you. What I can tell you, what I can't tell you is that first-class seats are more affordable in certain situations than you think they would be, but like sometimes like I've gotten like, yo, I'm gonna say how the Lord bless me one time. I got a lay down seat. I'm talking about flat, right? Yeah, JetBlue. Delta. Delta. New York. Okay. To San Francisco. R. Round trip. Mm-hmm. $658. Wow. I don't know how. I don't know who. I don't know what glitch happened on Delta on that good morning.

But I needed that seat because I got very sick. It's like 2019. Remember I got so sick I lost 20 pounds in a month? Like well, like actually in a week and I was just sick all month and came back to work and had to leave again. I was so sick the man next to me put the blanket on me. Like tuck me in. Then when we landed they didn't they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they didn't they didn't they didn't they didn't they didn't they didn't they didn't they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th th th the the the the the the th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the. the the the. the thed thed thed thed thed thed thed thed thed thed thed thed. thed. thed. thed. thed. thed. thed. thed. thed. thed thed thed thed the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the man next to me put the blanket on me. Like tucked me in. Then when we landed, they didn't make me put my seat up. They just let me land flat. And I promised you, I looked at the mirror one day and I was like, wait a minute. Let me just see how much I'll wait.

And in like, seven or ten days I lost 20 pounds. And I called my home girl and told her after I started feeling better and she was like bitch come cough in my mouth what are you talking about 20 pounds of 10 days she's like listen I had a dude tell me lose a weight he said either by sickness or by fitness but we gonna get this weight haha look I'll tell you right now that, that that thing of not even being in the world of middle seats is wild.

Have you ever been on the JetBlue flight mint? I'm going to tell you what first class is very affordable. JetBlue mint. They don't have it all the time. They don't do it on every flight. They don't do it on every flight. They don't do it on every flight. They don't do it on every flight. They don't do it on every route, yeah. But, ooh. Good food. Good food. Also, Delta, the disrespect. Delta does not offer a laydown seat from New York to San Diego. Just not at all. Delta is, so sometimes I'm in Atlanta and sometimes when I get to that airport who I'm like y'all really must be feeling

yourselves because because the fact that you close but so do you have clear clear? Of course I have clear. If you're a person who travels like what I mean comics who travel a lot who don't have clear a pre check and I'm like you don't you don't have eighty80 to get it's also this is my thing about pre-check is my thing about like that stuff is wild this is proof this is like you know American flas at their finest because everything that we do around pre-check is proof we really don't need to be doing this stuff at all. Because you mean that for an extra $80,

I couldn't possibly be a terrorist? On a driver's license, they take all of your fingerprints. they take all of your fingerprints. When I went to my pre-check interview, they took all my fingerprints and then asked me like a few questions. I was in the car longer than they interviewed me. I will tell you right now that when they did all, I don't care if you're clear, pre-check anything, when they take all your fingerprints, when they do all this background check, whatever. That doesn't mean I'm not going to be crazy. Like that's going to be crazy. That's that's that's that's the that's that's that's that's that's that's gonna be plenty crazy. Yeah, that's my thing with this whole thing where I'm like,

you did all this background stuff. Yeah, that just means a person hasn't done anything yet. But also, when you look at, this is the thing, I think they probably look into certain people more than they look at the other people. Like if I come walking in to get my pre-check, they're like, she ain't gonna do nothing. I'm not gonna, they know, like, when in a history of life, have you seen any black woman do any fucking thing? When I walked in there were like, bro, just take her.

Yeah. I was literally like I was done, I just went, that's it. I mean, I've only seen black women blow shit up as a manner of speech. Yes. Like, I'm coming here. It's always in theory. Right, it's always like, I'm hurting everybody's feel. I'm gonna light this bitch up.

As in, I'm taking shots at everybody in the room verbally. But it's like, we're not doing terrorism. I'll tell you that. The, the, just, just so that we at any point in the podcast actually cover the topic, I want to hear, I want to hear your thoughts and feelings on the window seat and why you think it's superior. Okay, I will start with this because I know this is going to be your point, right? So I'm going to give you this. Oh, wait, okay. Wow.

Before you even say, I already know your point. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. I know you're going to say. Now, the only, because you know, usually I start with, it's kind of like give me the bad news first. The only hiccup to a window seat. Yeah. Is that you have to ask an adult to let you pee. Yeah. That is a da but I can't tell you there are a few airlines. First of all if you're on Alaska Airlines flight and you were sitting in that very first row. Yeah. There's enough seat, there's enough space for you to get around the other person. If you are on a Hawaiian air,

the way their lay down seats are set up, is there is more than adequate space to get up and go to the restroom without even waking the other person up, or making them even have to sit up. Mm-hmm. Delta, on the other hand, puts you in, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like waking the other person up or making them even have to sit up. Delta on the other hand puts you in fucking like isolation tube cubbies. So that's why if you ever, as I was asking you, if you've ever been on those Mint flights, the one where you're in the, where it's just you in the road. Just you, fire, yes. There's that, and I think Delta might do it, because you know there's some some fights,

there's like first class and then there's business class. Mm-hmm. If something, usually it's for a job because I'm not paying a much money, be in the sky. Like, I have my limits. And sometimes you're just like, how many, bitch? Like, there's sometimes, there's just, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th.. thi. to, thi. thi, thi, there's, thi, thi, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, the, the, the, the, thi.. to. to. to. to. to. too. too. too. too. to. to. to is, to. to. to is, to is usually, there's, there's, there's, there's just too much money, right? Yeah, yeah. But that's the only downfall of a window seat where you have to be like, you either have

to coordinate it or like, you either have to ask the other person. Because that's why I got to a point where I will just fucking hibernate. I get on the plane, I eat my food, and I am done so I don't have to pee until I get off the plane. Yeah. It's only recently where I'm doing like, you know what? Maybe I should pee. Because because I can say something just being about a plane where I'm just like, I'm gonna find, I'm I'm done so, I'm fucking hibernating. It's, yeah. Because I don't want to wake up the other person. Also, if you were the asshole that gets upset

when the person in the window seats asked you to, fuck you. You cannot be upset when the person in the window seat is like, hey, I didn't go to the bathroom. Because I had a guy go, oh, you're getting up. I was like, bro. Oh, I know the wildest thing there ever happened on th that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm th, I'm th, I'm like, I'm like, I'm th, I'm th, I'm like, th, th, th, th, th, the th, th, the the person, the person, the person, the person, the person, the person, the person, the person, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, the person, the person, the person, the person, the person, the person, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that I that I that I that I that I that I'm that I that I don't that that I that I that that that that that that, that, that, that, that, that, thing there ever happened on the plane. I'm in the window seat. There is this man in the middle who is translucent, right? What? He's very old white man.

I don't know if he got any work done or whatever, but he looked like a fucking like one of those fish that lives in the parts of the ocean where there's no light. So he had this crazy, like, like, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, thi, thi, thi, their, thi, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. he had this crazy like clear, you can see like all the veins in his face. It was nuts. And then he had like this toupey that looked like it was just like kind of melted. And then there was a person that he was with, this other guy that was with him. I don't know if he was his, whoever a friend or whatever, a chaperone handler, I don't know. And so he's sitting in the row in front of us in the window. So I'm at the window, see through white man in the middle,

Asian guy on the end, right? Okay. So we're sitting there and he's just like doing too much, right? Okay. He's, he keeps hopping up to start talking to the person, his friend in the row in front of us. Okay. And he's like bumping in us as he's doing it. I'm like, okay.

And then they come by and they give you like a little snack box or whatever. And then when he's done with his food, he puts his trash on the Asian dude, the tre. So he's like I'm done and then he just moves his stuff and me and a Asian dude look at each other like, you know what the fuck? Yeah. So I had the window open to take off. Yeah. And then when we're getting ready to land I left the window closed and he went to reach across me. He's like can you open the window? I was like no. And then he went to reach across me? the the window. I I I I I I I was like, I I was like, I was like, I was like, I, I, I, I, I, I, the the the th. th. th. th. the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. I th. I th. th. the. too. too. took. took. too. too. took. took. took. took. took. th. th. th. th. th. th. I to reach across me and I was like, do you better not reach across me to open this window? And he's like, I want to see that.

I said, then you should have gotten a window seat. You won't be watching it today. He went to reach across me, I went, sir. He was ridiculous. Also I've never seen a, this is only second time in my life where I've seen a toupip, where the hair, where the hair, where the hair, where the hair, the hair, the hair, the hair, the hair, the hair, th, theree, theree, thee, thee, toe, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the, the, the, thr.e.e. the. the. their the. the. the. the. to to the. to to to to to to to to to to never seen a, this is only the second time of my life where I've seen a toupet where the hair look melted. It was like part tupe part hair plugs. There was a lot going on with this man.

And so this person was a middle seat, right? Yes, acting fucking wild. So, it's like, yeah, we've already established that the middle seat comes with a different energy. Right, he knew, but also it's like, your friend was in the window, your friend in switch seats with you, you knew that you were acting wild. So like that's the other thing about being in the window. If you're in a window seat on a three row,

and a three-seater row, you have to acknowledge you might not asking two people to get up to pee? That's hard. So the secret is you wait till the person in the middle gets up to pee or the person on the aisle gets up to pee. Because that's what I do when I'm on plans now. It's when the person on the aisle gets up to pee, then I'm like, okay, I'll get up there. Because I'm not interrupting you because you got up. I get you. So this is my thing. th thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi. T thi. T thi. T thi. T thi. T thi. T the the thi. T their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I is thi. I is thi. I is thi. I thi. I'll is. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thing, when I choose an aisle seat, I'm thinking ahead, I'm planning, all right? I'm putting something together. I'm planning the entire experience, because yeah, I'm gonna have to get up sometimes when people need to pee. I understand that, but also, I got first access to the snax.

I got first access to the snacks. I got first access to the safety. Lye y'all window seats are dead. If things go awry on this flight, hmm. But you have first access, I hear you. But I've sat and I, that cart running into me over and it is, that cart bumping into me, people, but I don'tthat cart bumping into me. People, but I don't like people bumping into me. It is the ban of my existence,

like people bumping into me. When you are in the aisle seat, there's a lot of people in your personal space. Okay. Someone's reaching over you to give one or two other people a tray of food. When they're asking somebody what they want to drink, them now, they're they're they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their theeeeeeeeananananananananananananananananananananeaneanananeanananeanananananananeananananlnieananananananananeaneaneaneaneaneaneaneaneane ane aneane an the to you to give one or two other people snacks. One or two other people a tray of food. When they're asking somebody what they want to drink, now they're leaning over you, right? To talk to one or two other people. You and the flight attendant might as well be making out for the amount of time because this person is about to be in your personal space in a tube in the fucking sky, it's too much. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. That's th. That's thi. That's thi. That's thi. thi. their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thiol-a' toe. I's. their. their. their. their. their. I's. their. their. their. their. their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's. I. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's their. I's their. I's their te. I'm te. I'm te.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I. And the in a tube in the fucking sky, it's too much.

That's why I don't do I'll see because it's an invasion of my personal space on a regular basis. Somebody going to the bat, like the number of times I've been good and sleep and somebody has just b- The number I bumped into plenty of people in an aisle seat. Just coming back and forth from their arm is on the arm rest, right? You are trying try try try try th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thus, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is thi, is thi, is thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, is on the arm rest, right? You are trying to avoid one arm. Boom you hit another arm. It's like a fucking it's I'm pinballing my hips down this fucking aisle. And if your arm is out or your legs too far out, it's like I'm too, you're getting touched. Let's go over a couple of etiquette things just in general so we can make sure we're

on the same page as we decide if window our aisle is better, okay? Okay. Now when you, and this is a different time in your life, I understand, but I'm asking you to go there. Yes. When you in the past had to be in a middle seat, yes. Oh, it wasn't often because the thing is, middle seats only happen if you don't plan ahead. I know, I was asking you to go to that place. I'm not saying you're

going to go back. I feel like as soon as I brought it up, you were like, don't put that evil on me. Don't you put that evil on me? Don't you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby. And so all I'm saying is, do that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that is. that that is that is that that that is that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the their is th. th. that that that that that the the the the the the the their is is is. their is. their is. their is. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is. th is. the th is. the th is. th is. th is. the th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. the. the. the. the. the. th is do you subscribe whether you're in the window or aisle that the armrest goes to the middle seat? I think the armrest goes to the middle seat because the aisle has an armrest. Mm-hmm. The window has the whole side of the plane. They have the majesty of flight. Yes. The majesty of flight. They've got a window to look out of. You see what I'm saying?

Yeah. So I think the armrests should go to the middle seat. The middle seat. The middle seat. Okay. I have been in the elbow competition with someone when I was in a middle seat. And I also have been the the the the the the the the tha tha think thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to be to be to be to be to. tooen. tooen. tooen. tooen. I'm tooen. I'm tooom. I'm tooom. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. I'm toe. We. Wea. I'm toeck. I'm toeck. I'm toe. Wea. I'm toe. We seat and I thought very disrespectful. I also have been on planes where, because you know when you start doing colleges, the planes get smaller, like Russian stacking dolls.

Yeah, yeah. So I've been on a plane, I can tell you, I was on a plane one time and there was this very, like just muscular man. Just a huge man. He sat down after I sat down. I was on a ta. I was on a ta. I was on a th th th and there was this very like just muscular man. Mm-hmm. This is huge man. He sat down after I sat down and I just spent the whole flight just behind his shoulder. Like that's where I want to just, this is where I live now. Yeah. Me and this man go together. Mm-hmm.

Because there was nowhere, there was no- We're a couple. For the next two hours, me and this man go together. And he would ask me, and I was very much like the, you know, I'm good. I'm okay. They're like, because you can't do anything. See, yeah, yeah. But when it came to that arm rest, when it came that arm rest, I let home boy have it. And I let home boy have it because I had his whole fucking shoulder.

That's why I let him have it. If you are just out here just your body just on people. Yeah, yeah. We go together. Like truly, until this plane lands, I am your wife. You didn't, you didn't say it this way. But I can tell that this bad was good looking, just the way that you because you were like No, I'm good Listen anytime anytime you get that quiet

I know I know you're like feeling somebody each time no no no it's all right it's okay You know it's like a quiet and a little bit of shake to it to you know I'm over it like I got a fucking Captain Jane Winter, fucking, fucking, fucking Catherine Hepburn. But no, but I was, I bid on flights where I also, this man got so mad at me. I was in the window seat, he was in the aisle. This is, I was on the, I was on a three sections on this plane, right? There was first class, I guess it was a middle business class area and then there was economy, right?

First class fucking jam-packed. Yeah. Yeah. Fullest shit. There were 40 seats. Yeah. In the middle. That had five, six people in them. And I was like, what the fuck is happening on this plane?

They couldn't push any of them people from Economy up here? Because when you look back at Economy, I swa'eigh there were sirens. It was a fucking Greyhound bus back there. Somebody had a bird, like it was fucking wild back there. And there was curtains and I was like, I've never seen a c a there there there there there there there the curtain there the curtain there the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain there the curtain there the curtain there the curtain there there there the curtain there the curtain there the curtain there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there were there were there were there were there were there were there were there were there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there somebody had a bird like it was fucking while back there and there was curtains and I was like I've ever seen a curtain on this part but this man sits down next to me he you didn't have a little brother so you don't know what the little brother for like you know how teenage boys smell where it's just that slight funk you are a teenage boy you're a teenage boy you're a teenage boy there's a slight funk there's the the the th you th you th you th you th you th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thu thu th. thu thu-in-in-I thu-I thus thus thus th-I thus th-I thus thus th-I th-I th-I though though though thus thus thus thus thus thus th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thumb. thumbe. thumb. thumb. thi thumb. thumb. thi thumb. thi thi the thi thi thi thi thi thi th a very specific funk to a teenage boy. Okay.

That unless you had like a brother, you don't know what it is. And a 40-year-old man sat next to me, smelling like a 13-year-old boy who just got out of the PE class. And he was doing, mind you, the plane had not left anywhere. Also, he came and sat down next to me, which I get it because there was a whole the there was a there was a the whole there was a the whole there was a the whole the whole there was a whole the whole the whole the whole the whole the whole the whole the whole the whole the whole the whole the whole the the the, the plane had not left anywhere. Also, he came and sat down next to me, which I get it because there was a whole section fucking, you don't know where these people are, right? We're in the beginning of the board and groups.

You don't know these people don't fill up the plane. He sits down, immediately man spreads, arms out, so now we're going to the fucking jockey and because he said that the funk out he got to let the fuck completely fucking obnoxious right bumping in knocking my arm off the arm rest I was like oh this is what we're doing bitch let me explain something to you I started doing the exact same thing I'm spreading my arms out getting my chest wide sir I have I have titties, I need space, right? Getting my chest wide.

I'm man spreading, pushing him's arm off the armrest, bitch you want to go, let's go, right? The plane has not taken off yet. Yeah. He goes and complains to the flight attendant. Yeah. And then she looked at me and then looked at him and I just saw her go, get another seat. Just sit somewhere else. Yeah. And then afterwards she was like, what the hell? I was like, I don't know. It was the wildest thing to me. I've had dudes and middle

seats go to manspread. Mm-hmm. But he's, there's me on one side and then another man on the other side. So now now they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. they're they're th. th. thi. thi. they're thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. I th. th. th. th. I th. the. the. the. I the. I the. I'm thee. I'm the. I'm thee. I'm the. I'm the. So now they're just trying to man spread on the right. I'm like you can't just man spread on the right. That's not how this works. You spread and you spread now. So you go to spread. I'm spreading. Like we all, we all, bitch, we're cream cheese out here. Everybody getting spread. We're peanut butter at fucking country crock, I don't care. Everybody gets bread, right? So there's that thing, you're in the middle seat, keep your fuck. We're giving you the armrest, but act right. Also, we're already, this is already the least amount of space

that a human being can be in. They have calculated it, okay? They've made sure what's the most reasonable amount of space to put a human being in and them not start a fucking riot. Yeah, yeah, because yeah, exactly. What's the smallest amount of space we can put these people in before they kill each other. I guess my thing is I've been in the middle seat before and this is I actually think I'm doing I'm doing a lot'm doing... Wow. Wow. How dare you? But you have though.

How in the absolute... Of daredevilness, do you? How very dare you? Because... How very dare you? Is that what you're trying to say? How very dare you? I already asked it the way I asked it.

Don't even re-ask me what I was asking you. I'm saying, yeah, I have had a middle-sieve lifestyle before, okay? And I do this thing, I actually think it's courteous. I only had it go awry maybe twice. I'm a pretty nimble dude, and sometimes the person in the aisle seat is pretty little, right? So rather than wake them up, sometimes I'll just stand up in my seat, I'll put a foot on my seat, and I'll step over them. I just step over them into the aisle, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, the aisle, I'll, the aisle, the aisle, I'll, the aisle, I'll, the the, I'll, I'll, the, I'll, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, and I'll, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, thr, throwne, throwne, and, throwne, thro, throooo, and, throoooooo, and, throoooo, and, threat, threat, and, threat,'ll just like step right, I don't even wake them up. I just step over them into the aisle and I go about my way, use the bathroom,

come back, step over them again and then sit down and they don't even wake up. So you either put your ass or your crotch in a person's first. They've only woken up twice. Now both times where the person was waking up mid-step over. It was your ass or your crotch in their face. And they did have quite a reaction. But as soon... Wait a minute, you let me tell all these wild ass

and you did not tell me that you were a sneak putting your man parts and people faces and you were making people wake up from Dreamland why they 35,000 feet in the fucking sky to your whole little ass. In their whole face and they American face? I'm saying wow. It's gone well enough times that to me to wake them up felt ruder than just stepping over. You thought it was rudder to wake them up than to put your ass in somebody's face? You don't know how hard it is for some people to fall asleep. I don't know th their their their their their their their their th their their their their th their their their th th th their th th. th th. th. th. th. th. their face they're their face. thi face face face face face. their face. And their face. And their face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their face their face. their face. their face. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. their th. th. th. th. th. th. th wake them up than to put your ass in somebody's face? You don't know how hard it is for some people to fall asleep? I don't know these people. But what if like the person in front of them, if the seat is reclined? Mm-hmm. You've already got a seat also can we say that I don't think every seat reclines the same because I'm thinn slight two inches and then

other seats where I'm just like I can see this man's forehead. Yeah some he's too far back. Some reclined so much that you know they're broken yes. Right I'm just like when I got to recline and the person behind me got like when you see that domino effect your sleeves reclining because it's like you didn't recline because you it's like a ugh and then 40 th. the th. th. th. th. th. th I I I I th. th. th. th th. th th th th th I th I th th I th th th th th th th th th th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I'm th. I'm the is the. I'm theeeeat. I theat. I theat. I theat. I then it's ugh, then it's ugh, 40 times, 50 times behind you. I'm with you. I'm just saying I've done that because in my mind, it was, it was easier for me. I didn't mind the step over. Easier for you, not, you wouldn't think about the trauma. No, no, no, no, I was I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was, I was. I was. I was, I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thing, I have friends and I have family who do not sleep well on planes. So when someone falls asleep on a plane, I don't take it lightly. I don't just assume they can fall right back to sleep.

But they also have to stay awake. They have to stay awake until I get back or else I'm just waking. One time I did, this is wild. This person was clearly living a very fast lifestyle because I was in the middle seat. They were in the aisle. I had to wake them up to get them up to get out. And then when I came back, I was only, I only went to pee.

When I came back, they were sleeping harder than they were before. This time, their mouth was open everything. Oh, yeah, I think that. And I had to to to to get to get they, I had they, I had to get they, I had thi, I had tha, I had tha, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, their, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was. their, I was. their, I was. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. thin, th. tho. th. thoooooooo. th. tha. tha. tha. tha. thooooooooooooooooo. the. the them up again. I was like, let me just, if I had just stepped over this person, they clearly wouldn't have caught it, because it took a couple shakes to wake him up again. You know? I was on a plane before and the pilot comes on and goes, also I love the pilot, I love a good pilot voice.

Yeah, there's some great pilot voices out there that put you at ease. the the the the the the. There are some that put you on edge. Right. Yeah, anytime you hear, like, I'll tell you right now, if I hear a pilot voice that sound too familiar to me, I'm already nervous. What do you mean too familiar? Like, if the pilot sounds too laid back, it just doesn't seem professional to me. I had a pilot on a flight one time, get ready to get on the mic. So he had an announcement to make, but he clicked it on too early and we

all heard him burp. And that doesn't sound like somebody who can fly. Because the man burp, Josh? Because, okay, tell me, okay, so I understand that you live a different life where you're brave and you enjoy things and so I'm just saying, I'm not that brave, I'm still black. I'm saying if I'm on a flight and I hear the pilot get all, ugh. So we're going to be flying today over and like, no, no, it just makes me feel like that the cockpit is sticky. No, no, no. This makes me have no confidence. If you burp before you start talking and like,

it's supposed to be professional, it just makes me, I'm not saying that I'm brave, I'm just like, there's just certain things I can't be afraid of, right? Because there's a lot of things that, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th black, you, th black, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. th. that. that. th's why we have a whole piece on the show called uh we don't do that because we don't do a lot of shit um but if I hear him burp when he comes on first I just makes me think he's a disgusting human being um because talking about a hard burp too we're not talking about a little gulp we're talking about he a big like beer like Homer Simpson like man burp like maybe he just finished lunch. I've never I don't even remember.

Sir you know it was common you've never been tricked by a like people like like I've had like you've never been tricked by a burp but it's like it just makes you feel like the cockpit is sticky. I don't know how it doesn't say anything about his ability to land this plane. It just makes me feel like the cockpit is sticky. The altimeter might be, you know, it might have like a food, like a food, it makes me feel like I'm open. It might be, you know, it might have like a food, like it's like, it's like, a food wrapper's. It gives me car, that's like, it's like, because it's like, I'll have stuff in my car. Like, every many people's cars are just like completely filthy. And I'm like, just move that stuff.

And I'm like, you shouldn't even ask me to get in here. My shoes are gonna get dirty getting in this car. And I don't respect this to this. thiiooo. Hey everybody this is a this is your part like that voice I love that it almost put you in the mind of like your Like the newscaster voice. Hi this is like that one or like the disc jockey voice like they're very specific like record, but I did have a pilot say that like he called the plane like the Star Trek Enterprise which made some people Grown, but I thought it was so adorable. And then he was talking about how we were going to be flying at like 70% the speed of sound, and I just went, I didn't fucking need that.

Did you know you're going fast? Yeah, going very fast. I mean, I had a pilot one time that was hitting us with too many ums. And I was like, do you, are you sure? Josh, I did not really. You're acting like, you're not sure where we're going. You're not sure how high we're getting. That man was hitting us with multiple ums in every sentence. So, um, we're, uh, welcome, um, to the, uh, It sounded like, it sounded like he wasn't supposed to be. I understand that that's a nervous take that people have,

but you have to understand when you're on a plane. And he, this is the boss of the plane. So if you're nervous, we're nervous. Okay, like if you get on the mic in your plane, and you're like, welcome to a delta. It's like, that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that plane and you're like, welcome to Delta. It's like that doesn't even sound like you supposed to be flyed today. I hear you. I think what's even more upsetting is what they make the announcement and you can't understand what they're saying at all.

Yeah, because that means that if it's an emergency, I might as well just sit here. So you hear ladies and gentlemen, right? Mm-hmm. It's, welcome, ladies and gentlemen to fly, oh, I'm saying, huh, huh, you know that, 83 degrees, and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, I have to hear what he's saying. I know this has nothing to do with the seats, but I hate when they tell me the temperature it's gonna be because I already packed.

Like, that's so funny. There's nothing I can do now. So when you're like, you're like, you're gonna be flying into San Francisco, it's actually gonna be a chilly 65 today. I, all right, well, then I've already made a mistake. But also, you should have checked the weather before you pack. If you didn't check the weather before you pack it show. Sure. Sure. I'm not blaming him. I'm just saying I hate what it happens because there's nothing I can do about it, you know? I don't think I knew how judgmental you were, Joshua. I over very specific things when it comes to pilots pilots pilots pilots when I'm on a plant, because I don't have a fear

of flying, but I could grow one, I could grow one real easy. And when someone gets on the mic, and they're just over here um in and on, it sounds like they're stealing the beauty of a window seat. I'm not going to completely undercut your point. I'm just saying, depends on when you're flying if the window seat's even useful. Because if you're flying in a red eye, if you're flying where you're going to be night, very soon, that window seat is about to be nil and void. It's just going to be dark. Absolutely not. If you're flying, no, if you're flying over land,

okay, the window seat is not useless because you're going to see cities, a light, a lit up at night, okay. The very interesting, like flying into a city at night, it's like, especially if you're flying like into LA at night, it's like desert, desert, desert, desert,, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, a, the, the, the, the, the, like, the the the the the the the the the the the the, like, like, like, like, very interesting like flying into a city at night It's like especially if you're flying like into LA at night It's like desert desert desert like it's a weird you see the line Yeah, desert desert desert desert traffic Right, and so it's so funny because like you see the line. Yeah, like we just went the lights are gonna stop here Here the lights are gonna right. We're not putting no more truck no if you don't live right here. you don't live. the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the the the th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. the they. the the the they. the the the the the the the the. Here, the lights are gonna... Right, we're not putting no more truck. No, if you don't live right here, you get no stores, right?

So you can see a lot. Now if you're, now I've flown to Melbourne. So I did a 14-hour flight when I wanted to do the Melbourne, what was it, comedy festival? Yeah, comedy festival. It was, I went from New York to LA, which was five hours. Mm-hmm. And then LA to Melbourne, which was 14 hours.

Yeah. In a window seat. Okay. But, to your point, it was over water. The flight was at 9 p.m. I landed at 5 a.m. I landed at 5.m. I landed at 5 a.m. Completely lost Saturday. Yeah. Left on a Friday, landed on a Sunday, gone. But when I came back, it was Tuesday for 36 hours. But anyway, plane takes off. The entertainment on the plane is not working.

Oof. The Wi-Fi is not working. The TV is not working. And then, then, to make matters worse, the overhead light was connected to the entertainment. So you couldn't just reach up and turn the light on. So even if you brought a fucking book, when they were rebooting and rebooting, you couldn't turn the overhead light on. Then, even if you had something you could watch on an iPad or a tablet or something, because

they kept rebooting it, the power was surging so you couldn't even charge your fucking phone. 14 hours. At night, no TV, no Wi-Fi, no over, they fed us and cut all the fucking lights off. They're like, go to bed. Good day. I'll tell you right now, I'll tell you right now then. That thing, what you described is a caveat, where yes, if you're in the window seat at night,

and you're passing over land, great, good on you. You see some dots on the ground, you see some dots in the sky. But if you were going over water, you might as well be staring at an iPhone that is off. But the good part for me is that the moon was on my side of the plane. So I was watching the world's first movie, which was the moon on water. Was what all I had to watch until my battery on my phone tho tho tho tho tho th the tho th th th th the th th th th th the moon on water. Was all I had to watch until my battery on my phone got low. And I had to wait until I was able to fucking charge it eventually. But people sitting on the other side of the plane with no moon. Mm-hmm.

Torqueness had nothing. And eventually they ended up giving people like $250 vouchers. Just a stack of them, like fucking test paper, like a teacher with test papers. And we're just like here, here, here, here, here, don't fuck. We don't want to hear it. Here, here, here, here. I think what has happened here is that we have. We have to thrown this one to you the listener. This is probably the most off-topic around about episode that we've had.

We talked about planes the entire time. We definitely talked about airports and planes. We talked about everything that encompasses being on a plane, all the whole plane experience, right? Yeah, yeah. Because going through the non, because think about it, it's hectic getting to the airport. Then it's hectic getting through the airport. Then it's hectic getting on the fucking plane. And then I'm going to spend the whole flight getting bumped into. Fuck that.

I pick a window seat because I've already been through the fucking gauntlet of nonsense that is being in an airport. But what you have to, have you ever ever, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th... And, th.. And, because, because, because, the, because, the the the the the the the the th..................... Because, because, because, th. th. th. th th th th th th to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th th th thi. Because-hmm. But what you have to, have you ever looked at the website, seatguru.com? No. Okay, my the bane of my existence is getting to the window seat and you end up where the seam is, right? So you don't have the window, you're in that part in between the windows? And one time it kept happening to me to the point that the last time it happened to me, I was just in tears.

I was so mad. Because you can't, because one, there's no window. Two, you can't lean over good. You're just stuck. I was so angry I was crying. I was stressed the fuck out. I'd been on a million fucking flights. I just wanted to go to sleep, right? And I'm just, because you just get the slight lean,

and then it's just the fucking seam of this plane. And sometimes the way they set up first class seats, like I've been on planes where like, every seat, you're not really at, the window is in front of you, but at your head is the fucking seam. So I don't know if they do that so other people can look out the window the window tho the window that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the that that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that that that that fucking seam. So I don't know if they do that so other people can look out the window that I paid for. But back, either slide these seats forward or back these windows up because I've paid for a fucking window seat.

I need to be able to look out this damn window and don't give me the scene. So there's a website, Seek guru. And that's where I go where I'm, literally if I'm looking at a flight I'll go okay Where is because sometimes you just pick a fucking seat you don't know There's a bulkhead here. There's a scene of a plane here Some of them I've had it where like they're like oh this seat didn't work or this is an exit row the seats don't Recline or you're close to the bathroom here something because like sometimes you're just like I just pick a seat bada da da da da da you don't know all of the yeah the ends and house the seat in the window versus aisle there's no wrong answer because guess what you're on a plane baby you go on places you're doing stuff you're getting out the house you're getting out your neighborhood you're getting out of your state probably you're on a plane you're probably leaving your state you hope. You're doing stuff. You're getting out the house, you're getting out your neighborhood,

you're getting out of your state probably. If you're on a plane, you're probably leaving your states, you hope. Unless like a San Francisco, Los Angeles, you live in a big-asse state, right? Anybody flying nowhere. You don't live in Georgia, fly in another place in Georgia, you just drive, could be an asshole, get up. But you're on a plane. But you're on a plane, hey, you're living. You're doing all right. You're on a plane! There are people, like, there are people who have never been on an airplane. No, I understand. I'll say here is probably the best place that we can kick it off to you, the listener.

How do you feel who is right, you know? Is it aisle seat? Or is it window seat? It's not about being right, it's about being blessed, Josh, you on the plane, baby. The question is, the question is, as much as it's about window in aisle, it's, do you buy your snacks before? Or are you trying to fuck with the snacks they got on the plane? Never the snacks on the plane I always get before. Thank you so much for listening. If you're looking to catch up with us on any of the socials, you can find me at Josh

Johnson comedy on Instagram at Josh Johnson on Twitter, Josh J comedy on Facebook if you still use it. And Josh Johnson comedy on tick an and YouTube. And if you're looking for Dulce say slown to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to the to the to to the to the the the to to to the the to to the to to to to to to to to to to c. I the the the the to c. I the to c. I to c. I to c. I to c. I to c. to c. to c. to c. to c. to c. to c. to c. I to c. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. I. I. to. to. tc. tc. tc. tc. tc. tc. tc. to. to. I. to. I. Dulce Sloan on the Instagram's. It's Dulce Sloan on everything, but it's D-U-L-C-E S-L-A-N. There is no O in my first name and there is no E in my last name. My name is only 10 letters long and it is spelled so many ways. It is pronounced so many ways on all the socials. Dulce Sloan.

I'm out here if you're still on Snapchat please tell me how Tumblr I didn't know they were still open we appreciate you and we appreciate you listening and you know always hit us up let us know if there's anything you want to hear us talk about any uh what's the best word for it any like two subjects that maybe people even know should clash you know Yeah the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they the they they they they th th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I's the the the tttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttumbs. tumbe. tumbl. tumble. tumble two subjects that clash that maybe people don't even know should clash, you know? Yeah, like apples and oranges. I mean, why are we compared those for so long? I'm gonna go, but y'all have a great day and a great weekend.

We'll talk to you in a little bit. Be bless, losers! Jesus. Listen to hold up on the I-Hart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.