The Daily Signal - Her Husband Paid the Ultimate Sacrifice in Service to America

Episode Date: May 27, 2024

Audri Beugelsdijk had been married for less than 11 weeks when she received a visit from a casualty officer. Her husband has been lost at sea on the USS Kinkaid.  “It's just the last thing that you could imagine happening and it just turned my world upside down,” Beugelsdijk says. Beugelsdijk and her husband Jason Springer met in the Navy and the two “became very good friends and then it turned into something else, as often happens,” she says. “He loved what he did. He had a bounce in his step and was ready to change the world, and it was a shock to my core when he died.”  Only days after receiving the news of her husband’s death, Beugelsdijk, who was also serving in the Navy, learned about the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, or TAPS, an organization that provides support to the families of fallen service members. “I picked up the phone and I called and that was the first time I connected with another person who looked like me and who was a young widow who understood what I was going through,” she recounts.  TAPS provides peer counseling and practical support resources to family members who have lost loved ones while serving, or after serving in the military.  Years after she received much needed support from the nonprofit, Beugelsdijk is serving other families in the same way as vice president of survivor services for TAPS.  Beugelsdijk joins “The Daily Signal Podcast” on Memorial Day to share her story of loss and grief, and to explain how the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors has, and continues to serve thousands of family members of fallen service members.  Enjoy the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Memorial Day really is a sacred day that we are remembering the people who we loved and who sacrificed everything for our nation. And so it's an incredibly unique and solemn occasion. It's Monday, May 27th Memorial Day. Thanks so much for joining us here on the Daily Signal podcast. I'm Virginia Allen. And that was Vice President of Survivor Services for the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivor, Audrey Boglestike. Audrey joins us on today's show to share her story of loss as a young woman just in her 20s serving

in the Navy herself. Her husband was killed while serving in the Navy in service to our country. She shares her story and also her work at TAPS, short for the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, and how TAPS is providing that care and needed community for those families who have lost loved ones in the military. Stay tuned for my conversation with Audrey as we honor those who have given the ultimate sacrifice on Memorial Day.

The Heritage Foundation is the most effective conservative policy organization in the country. Every semester, our interns are a vital part of that mission. We pay competitively. We develop talent, and we give our interns access to some of the sharpest minds in the country. We're going on our own. offense. So join us. To learn more about the Young Leaders Program here at the Heritage Foundation,

please go to heritage.org slash intern. It is my honor today to welcome to the show, the vice president of Survivor Services for the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, also known as TAPS, Audrey Boglestike. Audrey, thank you so much for being here. It is an honor to be here. So happy to join you. Well, I'm really looking forward to our conversation. And to start, I'd love just to ask you to share a little bit of your own story. You're a Navy veteran yourself, and you're also a widow to Jason Springer, who died in service to our nation within the U.S. Navy as a veteran, as a widow of a fallen service member. What for you is the significance of Memorial Day? Well, Memorial Day, of course, for someone who's lost a loved one in the military, takes on an entirely different meaning.

Prior to my loss, I am sure, like most Americans, took Memorial Day as a vacation day that was for cookouts and hanging out with family and friends. And, of course, those things still happen. But for me and all of those who have experienced a loss, Memorial Day really is a sacred day that we are, remembering the people who we loved and who sacrificed everything for our nation. And so it's a day to remember. And of course, we remember every single day, but Memorial Day is unique because the rest of the world is remembering with us. And so it's an incredibly unique and solemn occasion. Did you and your husband meet in the Navy, your husband Jason, and you? We did. Actually, we met in training. We did the same job, but we were quite,

competitive with one another and became very good friends and then it turned into something else as often happens. He was a great sailor. He loved his job. He loved what he did. He had a bounce in his step and was ready to change the world. And it was a shock to my core when he died. We were newlyweds when he died only 10 weeks and four days married. And yeah, it's you don't, You don't expect that visit from a casualty officer when you are in your 20s and newly wed. It's just the last thing that you can imagine happening. And it just turned my world upside down. I was so incredibly grateful to connect with taps.

And actually, it was very early on three days into my loss even. My casualty officer had given me a packet of information. And it just happened to be sitting on my desk. I had a moment where the tears paused momentarily, and I just was in shock still after three days. And I looked over at my desk, and I saw a brochure sitting there from Taps, and it had a 24-7 phone number. And a knee-jerk reaction, I picked up the phone, and I called. And that was the first time I connected with another person who looked like me and who was a young widow who understood what I was going through. You know, as a 23-year-old widow, my perception of widows was that it would be someone in the twilight of their life with white hair, having been married for decades, and I knew no one who looked like me, whose experience was like mine.

It was incredibly healing and hopeful for me to see a widow who was five years post-loss, who was not just getting by, but who was really, really thriving and was doing something with the loss that she was handed and making something of it, making something that was purposeful, that was meaningful. And of course, three days in, I was really just very much surviving. I was trying to, I was just breathing through each minute. But seeing her thriving helped me to believe that I also could reach that place. and that instilled hope in me from my earliest days of my loss, and I latched on to that and I just held it like it was breath, like it was air. Wow.

Yeah. Well, that was obviously such a powerful experience for yourself that then you went on to work with TAPS to join that team so that you could be that for somebody else. Explain if you would a little bit further about the mission, the resources that the Tragedy Assistance Program for, survivors provides. Absolutely. Well, the mission has been the same since our inception 30 years ago. We have been focused on serving the families of the fallen. If you have a loved one who's

experienced a military service and that person has gone on to die, irrespective of their duty status, if they are active veteran, retiree, guard, reserves, we are here for the families once that person passes. That mission has remained steady and stable for 30 years. We continue to serve those families, and this year, we will surpass 10,000 family members for the first time. That's 28 people every single day who come to us for the first time. Those families are, they're reeling, they're hurting. Individuals in the family are experiencing the grief of their loss in unique ways. And whether they're a child or an adult who is, you know, in their 80s or beyond,

there are ways that they cope with that loss that requires special care. And you need to connect with someone else who has lost a father and they were five years old when they had that loss. Or you need to connect with someone who was 23 when they had their loss and it was newlywed. Or someone that you were married to you for 40 years and, you know, you're in a different part of your life. Our peer network is constructed of people just like that. People whose experiences are broad and who can lean into those experiences to support others who are going through that. And to the point that you made earlier, I think that that's what helped me to make sense of it,

that I could at some point in the future use the experience of my loss and help someone else with it. And truly, that's the creation. the meaning from your loss in that way is something that really forms the foundation of our organization. And so whatever that family looks like when they come to us, whoever is a part of that family, we are going to connect and help meet them where they are. What is their greatest need? We have a broad variety of services and programs that we utilize to meet them where they are. So there are four core services that we've had since our inception. The first being our 24-7 helpline that I referenced, you know, when it's 2 o'clock in the morning and you've had people say,

call me anytime. Honestly, they don't mean two o'clock in the morning. Most people don't really mean call me at 2 o'clock in the morning. And so frequently our families will be needing that, but who do they they go to? And they don't want to burden others, and it feels like a burden. And so they reach out to us and we have those sacred conversations at 2 a.m. when they are hurting and hiding it from everyone else who loves them because they just they can't lean in and they can't burden because that's how they feel. So we're going to meet them in that conversation with our 24-7 helpline. And that helpline is staffed by survivors just like you if you're calling. There's a lot of comfort that comes from that. But from that first conversation, we're going to

begin to uncover what are the deeper needs? And so our second core service is our casework team. And we look at benefits. Is the family struggling financially? Have they established their federal benefits? What are they entitled to? Do they have the answers that they're seeking? And so we assist with a broad variety of support services with our casework team. Beyond that, our peer support network that I referenced, we will connect families to a peer who has been there and experience that if you are a 35-year-old widow who has children in the home and your husband died by suicide, for example, we are going to connect you with another wife who has children that she's raising through this circumstance having lost a father of suicide. And so they can have those very unique

and personal conversations. But we also recognize that sometimes the support that we need goes beyond peer support and that some of the needs of our families really necessitate professional therapeutic care. And so our community-based care team forms the fourth core service that we have, and that is to connect families with vetted services for mental health support, whether it is an individual therapist for an adult or a child or the whole family, or if they need a support group in their local community, to connect with others. So we do all of that legwork for them. We make all the calls. We make all the connections and then we put the information in their hand because grieving's hard. It's so difficult and you don't have the energy to pick up the phone and go through

all of that to try to find that needle in a haystack for the support you need. And we've been there. And so we do that. We take the heavy lift out of that for families so that they can focus on the other things that they really need to spend their time on. Beyond that, we have a broad variety of programs to connect with really psychoeducation around grief. If there's one thing I learned early in my loss, I thought I was going crazy, and that was my terminology back then. It felt like crazy because it was so cyclical. I would be okay one minute, and then I would be sobbing on the floor one minute, and I thought, what is wrong with me? How can I be so low and then be okay and then so low. I needed somebody to tell me that's grief. That's what you're dealing with.

Is something actually normal? It doesn't feel normal when you're in it, but it's common. And so I needed someone to be able to tell me that. So we have a broad variety of programs to help people explore that. You know, we work through our core services to stabilize families, and then we work through the grief process, helping them figure out, what do I do now? Who am I? If I was a caregiver for my spouse for 20 years and then my spouse has died, I've spent 20 years and maybe I gave up my career. Maybe I don't really know who I am anymore and I'm trying to figure all of that out. So we do a lot of identity work within our women's empowerment program and within our men's program,

really exploring what is next for a person. And then hopefully by the time people work through the grief work, they come to a place where they're ready to give back. And certainly so many people do that through our peer mentor program. Once they're 18 months beyond their own loss, frequently people will decide, I want to share this hope with someone else. And so we put them through our peer mentor training program,

give them more skills to have those conversations, and then we establish relationships between them and the people who come after them. And that's what I received. That's what I give on to others now. We are, but, you know, we focus not just on adults. We do a tremendous amount of work within our youth programs and our young adult programs as well. Children, our littlest survivors among us, go through a lot. And it's not just the primary loss of that person predominantly apparent, but it's also all the secondary losses.

You know, military families are quite unique. in that when that loss occurs, of course, it's the initial shock of losing your loved one, but there are so many changes that come with that, potentially having to move away from where you were stationed, kids having to move away from schools and losing friends. And there's a lot of destabilizing that the loss creates for the family. And so our good grief camp for kids allows us to pair our children up one-on-one with a member of the military or a veteran who can be a buddy through that time like Memorial Day. We have about 500 children here with us over Memorial Day, and they are paired up with a mentor through the weekend,

and that person is going to be there to help them through all of the activities and the programs that we have, because they will be, they'll be dosing themselves a little bit with the loss and the grief and heavy, But then we're going to intersperse within that. Also a lot of fun. You know, it can't be heavy all the time. We're grieving. We're not crying all the time. We have to have a break from it.

And so we will have them here and show them that it's not only is it, do we give ourselves a break? I mean, we have to have that. We don't have to feel guilty that we're taking a moment where we can allow ourselves to have fun and laugh. The grief will still be there when we come back to it. but we have to be able to normalize that cycle, and that's resilience building. And so essentially, we are here with about 2,200 people from across the country and around the world. And this is in D.C., correct? It is.

Oh, so special. Yeah. So we are building skills, dosing people with their grief, helping them believe that something different is possible. And so they come here believing that and hoping for that. with all of the families that you have touched and worked with and spoken to, I know I'm sure everyone is very significance and is very special in so many ways. Are there some that have really stuck in your mind as specific faces and stories that when you think about the work that you do and why you do it, there's some of the first faces that come to mind? Oh, absolutely.

So many people are popping into my head. You know, it's interesting. The first time I came to national seminar as a survivor myself. It was very early on within months, a couple of months of my loss. And I remember walking in and I entered the lobby and was looking around and there were so many people and it can feel overwhelming. But the first thing that I noticed is that there were two women on opposite sides of the lobby and they saw each other from a distance and they and they screamed and they ran to each other and you would have thought they were long-lost sisters. And it turned out they were two survivors who had met the previous year and they hadn't seen each other since the last time. And it was a reunion for them. And I didn't understand that at the time.

But now being this many years post-loss and doing this work that I do with Taps, which is such an honorable place to be, I walk into this event and everywhere I turn, I see people that I've, that I've, that I love, people that have become a part of my family. And, you know, I walk into this event. And I, you know, I walk into this event. And I, I, I'm, I'm, everywhere I turn, I see people that I've, that I've, that I've, that I've, that I've, that I've, that I've, You know, in the military, anyone who would be listening to this, who has a military connection, knows, there's the family you are born into, the family of your origin. And then there's the family you create for yourself. And the military is the family you create for yourself. I felt that as an active duty, Navy sailor, and I definitely feel that in the TAPS family. And when we say TAPS family, you know, some people might think, oh, they're, you know, that's lip service.

But let me tell you, there's something incredibly powerful about reconnecting with a person who you can be so authentic with. Because honestly, for the most part, when a person has a loss, after about three weeks, everyone else sort of gets back to business as usual. And it's the people who really are there for you after that period of time, who stick around, who ask the question. how are you and wait around for the answer because they really want to know. People who lean in and truly want to hold that space for you and make it okay that you're not okay. It's an incredibly unique place to be. I wish everyone could experience this. I know a lot of people think, oh, you're going to a grief conference. That would be, I would never do that. It would be sad all the time and people are crying. Yes, some people will cry. A lot of us will cry. But there

will be a lot of laughter and a lot of hugs and a lot of love and a lot of understanding and the entire world needs more of that. Every person who's here by the time they leave, they will tell you, this is the best decision I could have made for myself. And I hear it over and over. So yes, many, many people come to mind beautiful people who have changed my life. For anyone listening who wants to get involved, either for them personally, because they have lost a loved one who served either in service or a veteran or they're just someone that says, you know what, I want to support individuals who have served our country and their families. How can they do that? What a great question. We have, in fact, through this weekend, hundreds of volunteers who are

here, whether they are volunteers on a corporate level who are, you know, wanting to be here to see what we do and give us some opportunity to, you know, get their hands on moving boxes, et cetera, or if there are military mentors who are here really dedicated their time through the weekend serving, we need every person who has a heart for the mission. There is so much work to be done. And you've probably heard the saying many hands make for white work. And we need every person who physically wants to be able to support something like a major event like this. But we also need people who are willing to leverage their social media, share the information about TAPs, take something like this podcast, put it out to others that they know, share it

with members of the military who may not know about us, but share it regardless because people from military are embedded across our nation and you never know when someone in your network might be in need of connecting with taps. But we operate as a nonprofit. We receive no government funding. A lot of people don't know that. We exist on private and corporate donations. And it could be a major donor who is in the public space

or it could be a seven-year-old child doing a lemonade stand, which we certainly had as well. But what we need is the heart of every American who understands. that military service, it doesn't end when you take off the uniform. Many families come to us after their person is done serving, but they're still struggling with the effects of their service through toxic exposures or traumas of Iraq and Afghanistan

or beyond people dealing with PTSD, et cetera. We need people who value that service doesn't end and want to be a part of caring for those who really have given everything. and they're feeling the effects of it and their families are feeling the effects of it. And so if it's a donation, we welcome it. If it's a donation of time, we welcome it. And if it's a donation of a person's social media platforms to spread the word, we welcome it. All of those things are necessary for us to continue doing what we do to exist, but also to spread the word.

Because sadly, there are still way too many Americans who even have a military connection and don't yet know that we exist. And for any of our listeners who are hearing these, just hearing about TAPS and thinking, oh, I want to get involved, I want to be a part, you can check out. The website is TAPS.org. Again, that's TAPS.org to give a donation, to get involved, to learn more. Audrey, thank you. Just really appreciate your willingness to share your story.

And thank you for the work that you're doing at TAPS. Thank you. I couldn't be more honored to do this. I do it in honor of my husband, Jason Springer. I've been doing it in his honor since the beginning. And I will continue to say his name and honor him in this way. And thank you so much for having us. Well, it's our joy and pleasure.

Thank you so much, Audrey. Well, thank you all again for joining us here today on the Daily Signal podcast. We do not have a top news edition today in honor of Memorial Day. We are taking a break from the news, but we will be back with you for top news tomorrow and, of course, for the interview edition tomorrow. But we hope you have a blessed Memorial Day. And be sure to check out TAPS, that organization that is doing so much to serve the families of our fallen service members. Again, their website is TAPS.org.

The Daily Signal podcast is made possible because of listeners like you. Executive producers are Rob Bluey and Kate Trinko. Hosts are Virginia Allen, Brian Gottstein, Mary Margaret O'Lehann, and Tyler O'Neill. Sound design by Lauren Evans, Mark Geiney, and John Pop. To learn more or support our work, please visit DailySignal.com.