The Daily Signal - She Was Close to Never Existing, but Her Mother’s Choice Changed That

Episode Date: December 6, 2023

Heather Lawless came close to never existing on this earth. Due to her mother's medical condition, Lawless’ mom was advised by her physicians and her family to have an abortion.  “There was an abortion appointment made, and she didn't show up to it,” Lawless said of her mom, adding, “She chose life for me, and I was able to experience the life that I have now.” When Lawless had an unplanned pregnancy herself, she chose life, and years later when her daughter found herself unexpectedly pregnant, Lawless supported her as her daughter chose life as well.  Her mother’s story and her own are “the main reasons why I started Reliance, why I do what I do,” Lawless said.  She founded Reliance Ministries and the Reliance Center in Idaho to serve women facing unplanned pregnancies.  “We have a four-part model that includes a holistic reproductive health clinic and a men's program, a maternity home and a coffee shop,” Lawless explains.  “We wanted to figure out whatever the barrier was to life and remove the barrier,” she explains, adding that, for example, “if a woman wants to choose abortion because she doesn't have a place to live, we want to give her a place to live.”  Whether the obstacle to choosing life is housing, health care, finances, or an abusive relationship, Lawless says she and her team at Reliance Ministries seek to eliminate and overcome the barrier for the mother so she is free to choose life.  Lawless joins “The Daily Signal Podcast” to share her own story and how Reliance Ministries offers a practical model for pregnancy resource centers around the country.  Enjoy the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is the Daily Signal podcast for Wednesday, December 6th. I'm Virginia Allen. Heather Lawless has a powerful story. She says she almost never existed. But instead of abortion, her mother chose life and her celebration of life that her mom chose translated into Heather's life. And today, Heather is the founder of Reliance Ministries and Reliance Center in Idaho. She joins us on the show today to talk.

about how her own personal pro-life journey and story has led her to help and serve other women during the experience of an unplanned pregnancy or dealing with an abortion. Stay tuned for our conversation after this. The Heritage Foundation is the most effective conservative policy organization in the country. Every semester, our interns are a vital part of that mission. We pay competitively. We develop talent. And we give our interns access to some of the sharpest minds in the country. We're going on offense. So join us. To learn more about the young leaders program here at the Heritage Foundation, please go to heritage.org slash intern. I am so delighted today to welcome to the show, wife, mother, and pro-life advocate, Heather

Lawless. Heather is the founder of Reliance Ministries and the Reliance Center in Idaho. Heather, Thank you for being with us today. Thanks so much for having me on. Well, Heather, you have a very powerful story, and it's a story that you recently shared in a Washington Times op-ed in that piece. You write, I am the only surviving child in my family. In fact, the first chapter of my life might have never been written. Why is that? Yeah, so my mom, she had a kidney transplant the day after she graduated high school.

And the doctors told her, you should never have children. And she ended up getting pregnant. And so after the advice of her physicians and her family, there was an abortion appointment made. And she didn't show up to it. So she chose life for me. And I was able to experience the life that I have now. Wow. That's so powerful.

But I know that you go on in that Washington Times piece and you talk about the fact that that as a little girl, you started watching your mom struggle because she did hope to have more children. And ultimately, that didn't happen. Right. She did conceive after me. And she got pregnant and she did choose to have an abortion after I was born. And then after that, she suffered multiple miscarriages. And I watched her struggle to carry a healthy pregnancy.

And I watched her miscarry time after time. and we were a foster family growing up, so I had foster brothers and sisters, but I was never able to have that brother and sister that I so badly wanted and that my mom so badly wanted to have another child, and I watched her suffer that heartbreak time and time again. Did your mom have people in her life that she could talk to, that she could lean on? Was she open about the struggle that she'd had and having chosen to have an abortion, and then those miscarriages? Was she sharing that with folks?

She was not. She was not very open about that. And in fact, I didn't know that she chose abortion until I was in my teens. And so I didn't, I thought that she was just miscarrying because she was sick. Her body was sick because she had had that kidney failure and had, she had another kidney transplant when I was in third grade. And so her body, you know, was just sick. And so I thought that's what the reason was. And then when I was in my late teens, early 20s, after I had had had my daughter. she ended up telling me that she did choose abortion and she was very angry about that decision and so whenever we talked about it it wasn't a conversation that was able to go anywhere to have any fruit and my mom passed away when I was in my late 20s and so I was never able to have the conversations with my mom that I have with the clients that we have about you know the healing and and the forgiveness that's possible after abortion I was never able to talk to my mom about that and that hurts. Gosh, that does hurt. Wow. Is your mom's story one of the reasons why you decided I want to have conversations and provide a space through this ministry

where young women can share their heart, their brokenness, their process with abortion? Right. Her story was, you know, and my life, one of the main reasons why I started reliance, why I do what I do. My mom's story and then my own story with having an unplanned pregnancy and choosing life for my daughter. And then my stepdaughter, our oldest daughter together, me and my current husband, our oldest, had an unplanned pregnancy and it resulted in the birth of our first grandchild. And so all those stories make up the fire inside of me to serve the people that we serve. Absolutely. How old were you when you found out that you were pregnant and it wasn't planned?

I was just barely 21. Okay. What ran through your mind when you found out I'm pregnant? That I, well, number one, I knew that I probably shouldn't have been in a relationship with the band that I was with. I knew that it wasn't going to go anywhere. And I was actually going to break up with him on the night I was going to break up with him as the night that we got pregnant. And he had asked me to marry him that night. And so for some reason, I said yes.

And then we got, we conceived that night. And then I found out I was pregnant, you know, about eight. I found out when I found out I was pregnant, I was eight weeks pregnant. And we ended up moving up our wedding and we got married sooner than we had planned. And ultimately that ended in divorce very quickly. But I remember thinking, this can't be happening. This cannot be happening. It felt like I was drowning.

and I considered abortion, but I just remember thinking there's a life inside of me. And when I told my parents, the first thing my mom said is, I cannot wait to be a grandma. And so that support and that positive affirmation, you know, was what I needed to hear. How old is your daughter today? She's 19. Oh, that's awesome. And I think that that response from your mom, gosh, that just almost gives you chills of that response of love. And you and you mentioned that your daughter had also an unplanned pregnancy. And you and your husband, you were able to give that response of love to your daughter. That's so powerful. Right. You know, she, I was actually the first one that she told that she was pregnant. And, She said, you're not mad.

And I said, well, I'm not going to throw you a giant party because the circumstances are not ideal. But no, I'm not mad. And then I said exactly what my mom said. I cannot wait to be a grandma. I'm going to be a grandma. And I'll never forget, I got to go into the ultrasound room with her to see that baby. And we thought that she was about six weeks pregnant. And she wasn't.

She was almost 16 weeks pregnant when we did that ultrasound. And she just kept looking up at me. with tears rolling down her face and I just kept telling her, this is so exciting, like, we're going to have a baby. And, you know, I knew that it was time for all of the talk to result in action and show her seeing the love and the support and the positive affirmation is what she needed. So powerful. Okay, so let's dive in and talk a little bit more about what you all do at Reliance Ministries, at the Reliance Center. When did you, when did you? you first start Reliance Ministries and the Center? Yeah, so we started raising money in 2017,

and then we opened our doors in September of 2018. And we had a four-part model. We have a four-part model that includes a holistic reproductive health clinic and a men's program, a maternity home, and a coffee shop. And so we decided that we wanted to figure out whatever the barrier was to life and remove the barrier. So if a woman wants to choose abortion because she doesn't have a place to live, we want to give her a place to live. If it's access to health care, we're going to give her the health care. If it's an abusive relationship, we're going to get her safe. If it's finances, we're going to meet that financial need. And so this model, we hope to eliminate the need for abortion. And we don't like to call ourselves a pregnancy center or a crisis pregnancy center or pregnancy help center.

we call ourselves the holistic reproductive health clinic because we do so much more than just pregnancy tests and ultrasounds. We do STD testing and well-woman exams, cancer screenings. We do prenatal care. We do IUD removal and birth control consultations and education. So we provide the medical care that she needs and the emotional and mental support so that she can see her value and her worth. And you all are, you're based in Idaho. What are the laws related to abortion in Idaho following Roevy Wade?

So abortion in Idaho is completely illegal. When Roe versus Wood was overturned, we had a trigger law that took effect. And so abortion is illegal, but we share a border with Washington and Oregon. So you just have to drive over a bridge and you're in Washington. So Washington in Oregon, abortion is legal. they say up to 24 weeks, but there are abortionists in both states that will do abortions until birth. And so we fight that battle with it being, you know, illegal in Idaho, but women can just drive 26 miles and have an abortion in Washington. Yeah. About how many women are you all serving, meeting with, providing services to every year?

Yeah. So since we've been open, we've impacted over 22,000 people in our community. And so we are open four days a week and we serve a woman about every hour that we're open. Sometimes it's multiple women an hour with our classes and our counseling and our coaching and our medical services. So we're pretty busy. How big is your team? Because you guys are pretty busy. It's a lot of services you're providing. Yeah, we have a pretty small team.

There's six of us all together. Wow. You do all of that with six people. That's incredible. Wow. Now, I love the fact that so much of the work you're doing now, it's out of the heart of what you've experienced, what your family has walked through. And, you know, I think so many people, that's what they long for when they have an unplanned pregnancy. Of course, you want to feel support from the people in your life.

But we know that that's not the case for everyone. The Charlotte Low Shore Institute, they report that about six years. 60% of women who have abortions say that they experience being pressured to have an abortion. How do you all, and just kind of considering the pro-life movement, are we doing enough as a pro-life movement to be providing that support and really practical needs for the women who, you know, they're looking at an unplanned pregnancy and the choices before them that maybe their parents are giving them are you can either have an abortion or you're getting kicked out of the house.

I mean, so many young people face situations like that with an unplanned pregnancy. Is the pro-life movement providing for the needs of these women in the way that we should be? You know, that's, I love that question. And when we knew that Roe versus Wood was probably going to get overturned, that was one of the things that I would say when I was meeting with media is that we weren't ready. The pro-life movement was not ready because it was a movement of here's the pregnancy says here's an ultrasound she's life for your baby. Good job, you know. But now really I think the pro-life movement as a whole has gotten more progressive in realizing that it starts at the root with the woman. And so she's

never going to understand the value of the life inside of her until she realizes that she has value. So it has to be, we have to serve her first, right? So the woman has to come first. So she knows she's loved, she's valued, she's safe, and then she can choose life for her child. And so that's why we created the model that we did so we could provide those practical resources and support. Because if you tell a woman, here's all of your options, make an educated decision, not a fear-based decision. And she chooses life, but then we don't provide her with those practical resources. We aren't doing anything for her.

And it's actually a disservice. And so there are more centers that are providing health care, that are providing financial resources, that are providing a home for them to live in. And so if we're going to say that we're pro-life, then we have to let love lead and we have to be practical. And if we don't lead with love and they don't see the love and they don't see the actions that back up the words, if we don't put our money where our mouth, this if we don't follow through, then they just think we're liars. And we are liars. If we say we're

going to do it and we don't, then we're liars. And so, but I, but I really do see the pro-life movement becoming more progressive in the way that we serve women, in the way that we come alongside them holistically and provide for all of their needs. So, yeah. Those needs obviously include the tangible, the physical things that you mentioned, like health care, financial support, But there is also this huge emotional component. Talk a little bit about that and just kind of what you see in working with women who are facing an unplanned pregnancy. What are some of the core emotional supports that they really need and not just during the nine months, but beyond? Right.

So most women choose abortion because they feel like they're alone or because they feel like it's their only choice, right? So if you feel alone, what you need. You need to know that you're not alone. And like you said, it's not just through pregnancy. It's throughout those nine months. And we have clients that have been with us since we started and they still come and see us. And, you know, it was Halloween and I had a mom come with her little girl. And she was dressed up like Spider-Man.

And when she sees me, she runs up to me. She gives me a big hug and I just hold her. And, you know, her mom and I have this relationship where if she needs some much to talk to, she calls me. If she can't pay her electricity bill, she calls me. if she needs someone to pick her daughter out from school because she's late at work, she calls me. And, you know, it's that we, that, that is a support that they need, knowing that they have, you know, we're going to let them down because people fail and people, you know, we all

are human and we all make mistakes. But if I can say, I'm going to walk through this pregnancy with you and then I'm going to walk through life with you. I'm going to do life with you and be there for you. And just knowing that they have a support system, a mentor, some of the they can talk to, that's huge because no one, no one wants to be told what to do. Then that's not what we do at all. They just want to be able to talk about what they feel and they want to be able to share how their, how their feeling, share their hopes and their dreams and their life

with somebody. And so we just need to be a listening ear and loving arms and that practical support. So practical. I love that. It's beautiful. It really is very holistic. I know one of the things that you all do is also you think about the men and you have a specific kind of aspect of your organization that focuses on serving men. Talk a little bit about that and the importance of considering the fathers when we talk about this issue of unplanned pregnancy. Right. So one of the things that we believe is that you can't teach a man how to be a dad until he knows how to be a man first. and the world tells men that they need to be big strong men and we teach them that they need to be men of strength

and there's a huge difference between being a big strong man and a man of strength. And the world tells men you don't get a say. You don't have uterus, no uterus, no opinion. You know, that's what they say. And the fact is that this is for sure a man's issue also because that baby growing inside of her womb is also part of him. And so if we can empower him to speak up and to say how he feels, you know, so many times the guy will say, well, whatever she wants, whatever she wants, I'll support her, whatever she wants.

And as much as that is beautiful, it's also a cop-out because it's saying, oh, well, I don't think abortion is okay, but whatever she wants. It's her body, her choice. And we say, no, if you tell her, I'll support you. Maybe we're not meant to be together and our relationship is not going to last, but I'll support you. I'll support this baby. That's what they need. We need men to stand up for what they believe in, be bold, be courageous, but also be humble and be kind and tell her how you feel in a way that she can hear you and in a way that says, I don't agree with this.

And if you choose life, I will support you. I will be with you. I will, you know, we're going to do this together. Women need to hear that. But the men need to be empowered to say that. because we've taken away their voice. We've told them that their voice doesn't matter. And so then here you have this woman who feels like she doesn't matter.

And then this man who feels like he doesn't matter. And then both of them together, they make a fear-based, destructive decision. I just love your model, Heather. And I know that there are other pregnancy centers that have this very holistic approach. But I want to see this duplicated in places all over the country of just having that very holistic approach for both men and women in a time of need facing an unplanned pregnancy. Tell us how we can get involved.

If we want to learn more about your work, we want to support it. How can we do that? Sure. So you can visit our website, Reliance Ministries.com. And we actually do that with other organizations. If they're struggling or if they want to embrace our model, we have an affiliate program where they can be an affiliate and we can teach them our model and come alongside them and help them become that in their community, that bright light,

in their community and they can donate on our website. They can pray for us. They can, you know, support us by providing the practical support, diapers, wipes, formula, all those things. But the biggest thing is, is I think the education and having people flip the narrative about what it looks like to be pro-life,

not just be pro-life, but be pro-love. And so they can find that all on reliance ministries.com. Excellent. Heather Lawless, the founder of Reliance Ministries and Reliance Center in Idaho. Heather, thank you so much your time today. We really appreciate it. Yeah, thank you so much for having me on. And with that, that is going to do it for today's episode. Thanks for being with us here on the Daily Seville podcast. If you have another chance, make sure that you check out our evening show

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