The Daily Zeitgeist - Is This Boston Market?

Episode Date: May 6, 2026

The boys are hella greasy, spiced up like a Fremen warrior, and looking for the nearest Boston Market...See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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We're talking about Match Week 35 in the Premier League, specifically. We'll go around Chris Martin, three to 17 words, phrases, sentiments to describe how you feel about what you've seen. Okay, a lot happens. I could talk about Man City, Everton, just happened. Sure. Pretty exciting game. Yeah.

Talk about Arsenal looking on form winning three and all. I could talk about Man United Liverpool. Yeah. But instead, I have a message for Unaimri. You cow! Coward, Unai! Play the full team. Everyone wanted to see Spurs go down.

You cowards. Yeah. You blew that. Which is a lesson because Forrest disrespected and somehow won. But I guess maybe that's what he thought was going to happen. What a fucking cowardly move. It's the best word to describe it. You were non-hand-shaking.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Coward. What is wrong? I guess Unai always, Unai, he just, whatever. we'll get to his ass later. By the way, sorry, producers. That was, that came out loud.

It was, it was really in me. I know, you're holding on to it. I haven't, because didn't you say you screamed that at home? I screamed that, I screamed that at the referee. Oh, for the penalty. For the penalty. That was for the athletic. In an athletic match.

But I now have an idea of what that sounded like. Yeah. Just me and my house. Yeah. Jamel, what about you? 3 to 17 words, phrases, sentiments. You know, I saw myself in a lot of what's been going on recently. Yeah.

You know, it started a few weeks ago. Okay. I had a set for Netflix radio. And it didn't go great. Okay. I forgot all my setup. So I like, I do. Wait, how does that?

I go premise. Doorbell. Yeah. I hit all the freaking punch lines, but I forgot the setups. Wow. It was just like seven minutes of me bumbling. Okay. It did not go great.

Yeah. Not bad enough for me to make one of them videos where I talk about me bombing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But close. Right. But you knew as a professional. I'm like, man. Yeah, I wasn't locked in. I was off, dude. I was not locked in.

And then the weekend comes. Clay Thompson and Meg the Stallion break up. And it's a shooting at the correspondence dinner. Yeah, yeah. And then I remember it. I did a show. I did a New Year show at that hotel. Wow. At the Hilton? Yeah, man. I was up in there, bro. You could totally run in there with a gun.

It's pretty loose. Yeah. It's pretty loose, dude. They give you the blueprints as you enter. A lot of buses. It's a big cross section in the city. You know which way the president comes in, right? Yeah. Let me show you, man. It's a secret entrance. Yeah, yeah.

And there's like a mid-level strip club across the street. Oh. Seems pretty loose to get in there as well. What do you mean mid-level? Well, it just immediately smells like baby wipes. Oh, yep. Class, yeah. Mid-class.

Yeah, yeah. Anyhow. Another clause is it, it just smells of the bad stuff. Yeah. It could be either spectrum because they always smell like body spray. And now it's like how biased are we towards like the bed, the, what is it, Bath Body Works, Country Apple Splash smell. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Others actually smell like name brand perfumes. Pink sugar. Yeah. Cinnamon. Angel also. Anyway, point is all this stuff comes in over the weekend and things are coming up, Jamel Johnson. Now I got some new material.

Yeah, baby. I'm back up. You remember to say set up? I remember to say the full joke. I remember to say the full joke. I do it said it goes great. We're back around just like the boys. Again, let it all work out.

Let it all work out. I'm trying to remind myself is that we just have to let it all work out. Amen. And it's, it's, it's looking better. That's what I will say. That's what I will say. And for people that loaded up their memes too quickly,

you got bottle on your face today. Did you see the thing of the guy? That fucking, speaking of fucking cowards, let's get to that match. Because it was Everton Man City. That shit just happened right before we started recording. Everton 3, Man City 3. Could have been all three points to Everton.

I don't care because we need slippage. And that's two points dropped. The first goal, left footer by Jeremy Doku's pretty nice goal. It was coming for 30 straight minutes. Then there was so much pressure from Everton that I was like, oh shit, they might get a goal. We got one in the form of Tierra no Barry. Shout out to Kirkland's signature, Tierra Henri. Off to Evanston.

Should have had a red count? Yeah. Look, hey, man. It all worked out. Oh, man, there's some home cooking. Yeah. Jake O'Brien with a gray-headed goal from a set piece. Then another Tierra no-Berry goal.

Fantastic. Then, dude, Erling Holland, I don't know if you watched the actual broadcast. They were still looking at the Tierno-Berry highlights. It was like that Darby goal, so that Faberg has scored. Where suddenly you're looking at the last goal and already they're like, oh, he's in? Okay. And that's a goal. Yeah.

And then at the death, 90th minute plus seven, Jeremy Doku, with just a nice hurling, right-footed shot. that he shushed the audience. He shushed. I said to you guys. He went and shushed. You can't shush when you equalize and you drop points in the bread. You look like Giroux versus Savampton. Yeah.

2017. Yeah. I'm not over it. I know. You got to pick the... That was actually one of the first things you said. You're like, that was just like Giroux. Yeah, yeah.

And I was like, I didn't he forgot about that. He's a coward. Yeah, yeah. He's a coward. Do you haven't won anything? You're a coward Libby. I did nothing. Go to Chelsea.

Winstuff there. Oh, yeah, Jesus. Yeah, but that was, I mean, he, yeah, he really was like, okay, y'all. But again, in the grand scheme of things, now he has put it back into Arsenal's hands. He has. Which might be a more terrifying prospect, but nonetheless, this is fantastic. You didn't say the guy, he had his bottle. There's a meat.

There's a photo guy from the crowd who Sky basically gave a bottle to to do that, because there's no way you keep an Arsenal bottle for a year in your pocket. There's no way you do that. So many people keep the label clean. That's your psycho. Yeah. Yeah. Holding on this stuff from years ago.

Who does that? Not me. Yeah. I'm not riding around with cups from the Arsenal of America preseason game from 2020. Oh, yeah. Those aluminum solo cups? I don't, I don't still have two aluminum solo cups from that. People were leaving them at the Sofi Center.

Come on, I had a whole set. Were you at that game? Yeah. Was it the one against, it was against Barcelona. Yeah. Yeah. That was a great match. Somebody had some San Gras.

I'm drinking San Gria. Yes. And also. Because Ball, you know, is like that Denver company that the Cronkeys must have their hands. Because they also, you know, they, it's the Nuggets Arena. Yeah, yeah. But those cups were all ball branded, aluminum cups. I was picking them up off the ground at the end of the match because motherfuckers were leaving.

I'm like, that's a good cup. Yeah, but that's a good, sturdy cut. That'd be like me keeping like just 10 empty Fuji water bottle. Like even that's a high, or Volvix. That would be kind of food. Well, yeah, come on. That's not. That's not horrid.

The level of the Arsenal bottle is like a vulva, but you don't keep that pristine in your house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even if you just put it on the mantle piece, the sun's going to get to it. It's going to degrade. Yeah, yeah. I like your conspiracy theory that it was Sky.

That was like here, man. It's sky. It was Tom Sporting her after the games. Arsenal fans have we gotten about that. It's like, no, mate, we're so happy. Yeah, I'm pretty late. How the fuck? I mean, it's two points drop.

Two points drop, that's either way you cut it, I guess maybe, then sure, then you can get away with a draw and slip up and still make it out. But either way, to frame that as anything other than great news for Arsenal is, I think, just reveals how kind of fucking biased you are. Luckily, Tim Howard, he knew. He knew what time was. But he probably knows that as like a former Everton guy. He didn't want his shit on that parade.

He was like, yeah, man. You know, fucking good job for Arsenal. He knew before the game. His teeth can tell the future. They can tell the future. I sense. Guys, I was telling you before this. My front two were rattling.

Which is what I know, man. cheese are so fucking big. It's like the magic mirror and be in the beast. Just look at his teeth. And you know, the scoreline appears in his front teeth. Three. You see the dog? You see that little corgi?

Had the ball in. Tim just goes, his $10 go to the bookies. Yeah. Thank you, too. Not Ladbrokes. We don't like them anymore. Yeah.

What a fucking match. I was. Can I just say why? Can I just say why I think it happened, by the way? Why the draw happened? Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Oh, no. You know where I'm going here? You know where I'm going here, guys. Viewers and listeners who are into a few weeks. Oh, wait. I think I know where he's going now. I'm going here. Talk to me.

I mean, do you want me to sing a full song? I want to sing about us? Okay. I just get the lyrics. I know the lyrics a bit, but there's... We talk about... I don't know what you're talking about. You don't...

We talk about crystals in a little. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rising up back on the street. Ooh. Did my time? Took my chance. About three of them. Went to distance.

Now I'm back on my feet. Just a man and his will to survive. Skip the next bit. It is the eye of the Tigers. The Phillies. The Bellas. The Bellas. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,

easy now. Oh, my God. The eye of the tiger. People don't realize. Tiger's eye, baby. Tug his eye. Billy Crystal in the building. Man, William, you have that all you all.

This was when things changed. Yeah. It's walking through Penny Cook in Scotland. There's a crystal store. There's about nine stores in this little town. Most of them bookies, most of them closed. But there is one giant crystal store, $2. It's which crystal I led to.

It's called Tiger's Eye. It's about regeneration and having a confidence to do something you've never done before. Since then, ask the win 1-0. Ask the win 3-0. City draw 3-0. Yep. Thank you. I'm so sorry to all the white women who I disparage with my comments about crystals.

Turns out. They are powerful entities. You are right. And I have been putting it out my bum. I don't know if that's. I wasn't going to immediately. I'm glad you said that. It wasn't this color when I bought it.

All right. Okay. In age. Yeah, check it. You was tossing it around. You had that in both your hands. You got? I'm good.

I'm good. May, you're going to be the luckiest dude this week. Do the Yoko celebration That's what Gokor is does when he celebrates He's sniffing his fingers He's getting a full Hey man I was handling the bass billies

Earlier Like smelling salts I mean I also did tell you when I was in Japan I went to two different temples To give an offering So you just left your son there Yeah Yeah yeah yeah

I mean not intentional I did ask, I asked, I said, everybody's throwing coins, what about a human life? Yeah, what about a three-year-old boy? What do you get for a three-year-old boy?

I only need a couple points gap at the end of the, at the final day. You know what I mean? So what are we talking here? But yeah, because, yeah, they were like,

does he speak Japanese? I was like, nah, really, they're like, sorry, bro, nothing we can do. We'll give it your own goal difference instead. Yeah.

Oh, God. What kind of desperation? Did you do any desperate act? I think it's right after the city, match maybe is when we all began to collectively the league match. Well, you know what I do. I mean, I was just up the beating off. Oh, okay. Crazy. I'm at the house

going off with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. After the first goal, second goal. Okay. When did you stop during the Everson Man City game? Because that might have been why. Is that where Harlan scores? Yeah. It was. You idiot. You let up. I needed to wash my hand. No, you don't. There's been going

off for a great. I just needed a second. I took one fucking second. That's... And see, you. guys, this is what I'm talking about, guys. You turn off one second, guys. Holland, goal, guys. 97th minute, doku, go, guys.

You need to be jacking off, guys. Everybody do your part. Straight up. Does Michael Oliver get an assist for that 97th minute? He should be in the book officially. I mean, it's always a minimum. It's always a minimum. You know, they won't see it to get it.

They did a sub. Everton did a sub in the thing. It's just, it's, yeah. Just a couple of times, I was going, like I said to you guys before, I was walking around with just a massive bag of cash, just shoving cashew. I don't know why.

Stressing, cashew nuts. And then the amount of times I wasn't shan coward, I was saying, get in the corner. Oh, yeah. Get in the corner.

These guys, they've never, like, been up in a game. It's like they don't know how to do, just get in the corner. He's trying to score a goal or dribbler. And Jai was freaking killing me, man.

He had multiple chances to make that for you. Multiple. And then the, and then Dewsbury Hall. A daughter room was off his line. Yeah. He was just, That would have been so funny, though, if he actually scored that.

I was like, at first I was, oh, I'm okay. Well, that was stupid. But in Jai, my God. It wasn't his day. It wasn't his day. Nor, if that was against us or something, I feel like he scores those. Oh, sure. Anybody against us somehow finds it, but he did, like, that one really felt like that one

song breakaway, you know, where, like, I was like, could this be like, no, no, no. But at least that was, this is the different things that was the drop. We got the drop. Yes, we got the points. I think the thing that we, Amongst all the analysis that we keep getting and told about Arsenal bottling it and the pressure and all these things is just the very simple fact is Arsenal look really good. We'll get to them soon with their best player back in the team playing well.

Yeah. A lot of their best players are coming back from injury. City don't have Rodry and they ship an over 3 XG. Right. It's just like if your best players aren't playing, you're not going to win the league. You need to have them fit. So they need him back against Brentford, is what I'm going to say. Because they...

Shout to us, friend, in his life. Didn't we hurt? Yeah, was good. It was... If Arsenal win the league and you can... Would you... You'd probably want it to be... Would you take us losing and Roderie getting injured?

Or us drawing or winning? And him being fully fit for the running. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I'll take him being injured. It looks like it. Yeah.

I'll take that. I'll take a man being. Yeah. I'll take him back to do his job. Take of man's soul. Yeah, yeah. Because look, man, I've had tears in my eyes with all the almost. Yeah.

2006, the Champions League Final still. I took my clothes off. Damn, son. Because I was so out of sorts. I was drunk as fuck. And it was, what, 2 p.m. at that point? I was still Neo in the Matrix for that one. I barely, like, I remember watching it, but I wasn't like, I wasn't plugged in.

I still have to. Oh, yeah. You know what I'm saying? I fully came out the human battery. The goo was off me. I'm eating fucking gruel on the fucking Nebuch. Kenezer underground. I was gooey.

Yeah. I was like, remember tasty wheat? Doing all that shit. And I remember fucking being so out of sorts. I had this weird spot in this like apartment I was in that had like like this weird ledge where you could like put decorative shit, but I was in college. I don't have shit to put up there. I crawled up there and just laid down on my back in my underwear looking up at

the ceiling. So anyway, all that shit combined. I don't mind seeing. I've seen it. I've seen it all. But got. You know. And now it doesn't matter what has to happen.

It needs to happen. I'm trying for some footprints. Yeah. Are rolling around. Yeah, exactly. Because if they do win it, Arsenal and City, bottle it, then this podcast is the lucky, is the reason. It's the real Billy.

Yeah. Turns out the real Billy all along guys was the show itself. We had it inside ourselves and we didn't even realize. And then I just throw this. Did you see Mark Gatorie at the end of the match? at the end of the match Mark Gehie like was livid with himself

brilliant yeah love it I love that moment he had that terrible backpast you just knew the second left his foot he went hands to head already because he's like oh fuck

I just that's his Stephen Gerald man yeah yeah you just Laverne and Shirley you bottled it baby yeah yeah

yeah yeah there was a great moment of pep drinking a bottle oh yeah he was just he was

he was like he was trying to drink I don't know what I've never seen stress water drinking. He was just like, he did that. He put the cat back on and he said, no, I need another one. He's like, I can't believe I want my massive pee hoodie today as well. Yeah.

The massive pee hoodie. He was trying to keep a pee. Yeah. You can't have one of the big pee. You can't have your massive initial on your top and your team did turn out of forms. He's got to tell him, guys. Guys, when I'm pushing pee. So, so, so, so.

With the hoodie. So, so, so, so, so, so so good, guys. Yeah. That was so, so, so so so so so so, so so, so so, so so, so, so, so bad. Bad guys. Like my marriage, guys. Oh, yeah. He looks.

So, so bad, guys. He looks. Guys, have you been on the subreddit called dead bedrooms, guys? Terrible stuff, guys. So, so bad, these relationships, guys. Reminds me of my marriage, guys. That's his team talks now. He starts off of tactics and he goes.

Goes to Reddit. And then you go and you run down the way and you just keep going. Next slide. Like my, do you see it going over the, like my marriage guys. Look at her. Go. Is she beautiful, guys? Don't.

mess up this league like I mess this up guys. And then just, oh, oh. Oh, and you okay? Now pull up dead bedrooms, guys,

is I read it? That's a really fucked up. Yeah, but it's like really about like, it sounds so sad. Oh, yeah. It's like just dudes talking about their, just the love is gone.

Oh, God. Yeah, yeah. Share by the inside of the fridge and it's like the most depressing thing in the world. Yeah, there's one called Sad Girl Dinners

that I believe is that one. That's some, a woman will post a photo of their odd meal, but then it'll be like a confession about something going on in their personal life. So do you go on these Redits and you, because you don't have a dead bedroom,

do you then just, you pop in and gloat? My bedroom's alive. I look at that stuff to laugh at those fucking people, dude. Because I couldn't fucking relate. I don't feel that way at all. Can't relate. Sorry.

No, I just always, I always hear about weird, like, I'm always curious when people say they use Reddit. I'm like, what the fuck are you on? Someone said dead bedrooms. And I was like, what the fuck is dead bedrooms? Online. Yeah. And this woman was like,

You are the internet. Yeah, she was just like, it's, she's like, it's so sad, but also, like, it's always, like, the same thing over and over, like, with these dudes. Anyway. Guys watching Magnum PI? Yeah, exactly. The whole old school, the reboot. Not even the classic Magnum PI. Get on VIP.

Get on VIP. Turn your life around. Guys. Come on. We love that. Sandblast. Man, NPP Samblast. Man, NPPB Samblast.

Dude. Dude. Sam blast. I tell you why, I want to blast some Saturday. Sandblasting, dude. I want to blast some sand today. They thought I had like an airbrush in here, dude, the way the sand was blowing out. Anyway, anything else you want to say about the Everton City match?

Once we start talking about sandblasting, I think we've... That's my internal guardrail go. All right, let's maybe bring it back to the footy. I don't grab much. I mean, Bernardo Silver gets away with another. No, yeah. That penalty was like, so what is it? You can foul up until the ball is actually played with sort of the logic was that the tussling

and the holding by the waist, like it was like an R&B song, is okay because the ball wasn't close to being played yet, essentially. He's a little fella. He's a little fella so he gets away with, it's a bit like, you know, your child if they, you know, hit you.

You're like, I'll tell you what, but you're not going to, I'm not going to put you in jail. Yeah, yeah. How do you feel about that? What do you, how do you think I feel? Yeah, yeah. So the ref has to sit bonado down. Yeah. Bernard, how do you think that made? Oh, man. Yeah. Would you like, would you, would you, would you, would you, would

like it if he did that to you? Hey, should we do dragon breaths? All right, can you blow out the candles? Let's say, yeah, okay, blow three them out. Okay, good. You got two down. Let's take another big breath. They can't blow out all the candles. Child rearing tips from A&Futty. And this is how you end up with an extra minute of stop his time. They're doing

freaking child breathing exercises with a grown man. Gentle referee. Yeah. Yeah. We do a form of gentle parenting. Gentle referee. They brought up the charges on the broadcast, too. Who's the color commentator? Like, okay, so it's the main guy and then the the uh um oh the

Lee Dixon was it Lee Dixon Briton up the charges Hell yeah and he's Exit City as well isn't he pre pre-Australia but he's not actually but he's Arsenal no he's awesome

which is great that's why I like even more yeah yeah yeah of course screw the X bring up the hundred when are they coming but it was like it was one of those like

uh the engineer Javier was talking about this earlier we were both talking about he said maybe they'll have I said I don't know when they're fucking everybody's heard of these charges but when are they gonna get

gentle parenting punishment. Hey, hey, guys. 100 dragon props. Hey, you're a, you know, let some candles. 115. Do you think it was nice,

completely disrupting the Premier League for the last 20 years, but it was not nice? Would you like it? Would you like it? No. Would you like it if Sunderland suddenly? No.

And legally cooked the books? No. I wouldn't like that. Would you like that? Would you like that if you're giving weird deferred payments to some dude's dad to get him to come to the fucking team? Is that weird?

Yeah. Fucking weird. Well, I don't want them now because now we're about to win this shit fair and square. Yeah, either way. Start the year. I'll start off next year. Whatever has to happen. Look, let it all work out.

Also, with that, just, you know, Donna Ruma didn't have a great day to day. That does mean, though, golden glove secured for our boy, David Raya right there. Three in a row, my guy, you're in good company. Yeah, baby. He just needs a fourth to be tied with, like, fucking check, like, in really up there. And I think it was maybe Joe Hart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. before he got flogged that

bag of bones. Yeah. Yeah. We were like, when he was, when he signed him, we're like, yeah,

he was good. Yeah, CTE, man. Pre-helmet check. Yeah. Yeah. Where is a helmet, man?

Pre-helmet. Oof. The red flag has to be when a goalie needs to wear a helmet. You go, firstly, I've worn a helmet. I play rugby.

Your vision is restricted. Yeah. Because even like, and you need, you need to have pretty good vision as a goalie. 100%. You see the ball coming from all angles.

He's like, he's like, if you, If you were stressed, that's what Raul Jimenez got right now. He got the one side, like he's a Star Trek character. Yeah. Yeah. He learned he's like full helmet, no, man.

And we just have a little side piece. It felt like he told the doctor, he's like, what's like the shin pads? He's like, what's the least I could put right here? And it was like the size of a sunglasses lens that he's got right now. Which part of me is like, if you get hit directly in that, hard reset on your brain or what? Oh, yeah. No, you think you're someone else? Yeah, yeah.

You think you're from Canada all of a sudden? Yeah, it's like the fontanelle of a, like a newborn. Yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, no, no, no. The skull has not formed yet. Right. It's soft. You think you play a commie bowl.

You know what I'm saying? After that. Yeah. Okay. So shout out to our boy, David Raya. And to your point, again, that asshole with the bottle who was sipping the arsenal bottle, the fact that he really did have that thing loaded up in his pocket, that's where it's a slippery slope being spiteful.

I've learned this. Oh, come on. I was doorgoode, you know? I was doorgood. We were getting doorgoo for like two straight months because of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He came back this weekend, didn't he? Yeah.

Yeah, that's from running around. And I was like, he's been activated again. Just in time. Which Liverpool podcast were like, oh, and then we got doggoos back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mine have got a new contract. What's he going to do? Well, I'll get a winner, turns out.

Seriously. Well, yeah, fucking Cobby. I'm sure it's half brother was wed in it. Just the guy with a bottle. Yeah. He's just, he's the football equivalent of the guy drinking the ocean spray on the listening to Stevie Nix. But that was a little bit more. That guy asked for the rest of his, for the, not rest of his life, for the last six months he was famous.

He's just carrying a plastic brand. That was like he was contributing to the common good. Oh, no, that guy was good. You know what I mean? He's like, in terms of famous bottles. In terms of, in terms of that guy everywhere he goes, is like, hey, am I on that? Ocean Spray. I thought you going to bring an ocean spray.

Wasn't his name, like, dog face or some shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it was dogface. And he was living in a trailer pot. And then that kind of like gave him like so much. He got like a house off it. So that's good because that guy was wholesome. The guy who was long-bordering around with champagne?

Dogface 208. Dogface 208. And he's going to listen to the dreams. Well, the original one, he's just wearing a gray hoodie and he was listening to dreams. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And everyone was like. And they were like, this is such a vibe for the pandemic. Yeah. I don't know, bro. This dude might be drunk and fuck on escape. He's like,

you think he's just. straight cranberry juice. Which is actually the perfect vibe for the pandemic. I know which we were drunk as hell. Going down a hill on a skateboard. They're going to know you're drinking vodka. Not if I pour half the bottom of this ocean spray. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good luck. Coppers. But then forever, he would then, forever for the six months he was famous, he'd have to just be like, you got your ocean spray of you. So then this guy, this city fan. Yeah, I mean, I hope that they don't win it. So I hope I'll want it.

So this guy is now, it's now the amount of, he's opened himself up, When it happened, he thought, I'm the coolest guy on the internet. And now you got to spin around. Be careful. Don't catch your wave too early. Everyone's going to get a photo of that guy. Arsenal, final game to season, if they win it, that guy's face on every ball.

I'm not joking, bro. If we win, I will fucking save the money so we can go find this motherfucker in real space, in physical space, and just get in his ass over it. I'm like, guess I've been looking for you. Guess what? knock knock guess who bitch you got ran down on yeah exactly i'm ready because i i that's what i'm like i'm really trying to hold all my good away yeah i'm just just just just just i'll either direct it externally or inwardly i don't know because the point is everybody this season who's tried to

fuck with us via beverage mm-hmm they met they match yeah they had to they else i'm as frank yeah oh yeah mr espresso himself Sabrina carpenter right I don't even know what that means, but it sounded. He thought he was Sabrina Carpenter, sipping a little espresso. Okay, okay, that means. That was too deep in a Sabrina Carpenter's rapid note. But what I liked is even just hearing the words without any context, I like, I like the sentence. There's been a lot of the problem with my jokes.

The meme boomerang is real, though, right? Because who was it on Villa who gave, who did the three, who was like going up the three points? Oh, yeah. We took that. Gabriel. Gabriel was like, oh, then we went back and forth on it. I just feel like there's a lot of, once the nest is, whatever, we still got shit to do. The Arsenal meme department, get your stuff loaded now.

Don't post them yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on up. Have them ready. Like when you know it. When you know it was literally drinking a bottle today. He had a bottle up to his mouth, like a baby man. Yeah.

Yeah. Trust me, I've taken photos. They are in the archives. Oh, are they? We'll see. We'll see. What's going to. It doesn't matter.

Because there's still, there's still, there's still many. just to play. We still got three more to go. Elsewhere today, Chelsea won. They hosted a, not even depleted, an intentionally weakly fielded side. Preseason roster. And went down 3-0 and then Joao Pedro got a beautiful consolation goal in the 93rd minute. Ossaly pointless. Yeah. Yeah.

Do they have an award for that most pointless goal of the year? I mean, for Charlotte was a beautiful, pointless thing. It'd be like, I'm just trying to think of a Papuscus. Yeah, like the La Mella Robona goal against us That was another goal That wasn't a match winner Or anything like that

That was like a goal That's celebrated constantly We were like Do you remember the result of that one? I'm trying to think I mean, Risharlison He had one recently And that's kind of his back

I mean it should be called The Rich Charleston Well, but he did score Thanks for nothing The whole of the year Yeah, yeah, yeah Hey listen, he's up crazy Good for them

Relegation Charleston Good for them But yeah, Chelsea, I'm not sure what's going on. Afterwards, Joel Pedro said he's like, it's not enough that you can't just blame the manager at this point. He's like, the player's got to do something. But it's difficult to say. I don't know if he meant that.

He's like, he's just saying that because you like Liam. No, I love it when a player, guys. It's the players. It's like, yeah, mate, you're one of them. But he was like, but you saw that fucking, that bicycle kick, right? He had a bit of the doku's at the doke at the thing where doku's, like, if you ever scored a great goal in the game, we're like, that's amazing.

And you're like, completely forget that it means not what the team. So he's got the same thing. He's like, yeah. It's like, when I was 10 years of age, I said on the way to a game, here we go, back into Chris Martin's archives. I want to see. I like, it's playing for the under 10 Bs at the time of my school. And we played in the way match against, I can't remember what they were called.

Okay, well, that's whatever story. You don't know. You don't know. I can say any words. We don't know my point. Dorgoo. United College of Benetton. Doorm and United.

United College of Benison away, and I said on the way, I've never scored a hat trick. I'd love to score it. I said I'd happily score a hat trick and our team lose. And like Tim Howard's teeth, mate, I scored a hat trick first half. We're winning 3-0. Then we lose 4-3. Oh, I'll be honest. I didn't care match ball under the arm.

See under 10Bs, who cares? Yeah, yeah, exactly. We're not on the 18. We're just playing for ourselves right now. Exactly. On the manager to see you. Wait, what position we're playing? Striker.

Oh, shit. Okay. It was a really weird game. I scored three goals. Like right back. And I'm like, damn, damn. No, no, it was playing a front of it. It was very weird thing where I scored a hatchery in first half.

And in a game where I was like, this team is bad. And then they all like, the other team, it didn't even did it on purpose. It kind of worked. They all learned my name. They were like, instead of like being aggressive, they were like, Chris, mate, you're so good. Just kept saying that to me for a second half. But it worked. I didn't score a goal in the second half.

We lost. Can you give me a description of the goals, the three goals? Yeah, one I actually do remember. I kind of got it in the box facing a wedding goal, quick turn, far corner. Oh. Yeah, one of them. One of them.

One of them. Whatever. I was just a standard. Classic finish from a nine-year-olds. One, I think, was a header of a corner. Okay. And then I don't have great, I've never been a great long-distance shooter. So I think the other one would have been somewhere in the box.

Okay. Probably on my right. I like, you're going to be like, wasn't a great long-distance shooter, but yeah, I was about 30 yards out. Top bins, man. Now, that was the age where the person who could score from 30 yards out was the one who, the one guy had gone through puberty, like three years forever. else. My friend Joe Williams got asked for his passport many times as a 10-year-old.

Or they had a Dutch dad, you know. In the U.S., it was like, there are all these kids who can strike the shit out of the ball and they're like, that's Kevin Vanderflued. Yeah. Of course, bro. His dad's like, hey, Kevin, you're working on your striking? And you're like, oh, he's a striking, bro. He sounded like Steve McLaren when he was managing over there for 20. Remember when he kind of had that fake Dutch accent? Oh, yeah. I just love, is it so funny when like white coaches are like, let me just try and get in the vibe. And this guy just going from one

Western European country to not be like, here's my, I guess, impression of a Dutch guy. So it's weirder when he did it with the Jamaican team. Yeah, well, Steve, all right, mate.

It's funny when it's Holland. It's problematic when it's Jamaica, right? These bat-tier boys, they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Easy. And stop calling everybody a pussy old. He starts quoting the rapper, Christopher Martin. Yeah. There's a rapper called Christopher Martin. What? Really?

Yeah, he does really good songs. Where? Look him out. There's a song called, no, it's from the, from the Caribbean. Oh. It's good. There's a song called I'm a big deal. Oh, I like that.

I'm a real big deal. Go on. We don't think. No, no, you have to play. You have to. I look it up. It's you. It's like, what the fuck.

Christofia, my team. Christopheria. One braid. Yeah. With beads. One be it. He's looking like the trippy dude who is going to be a Jedi. Yeah.

The Padawan, how the Padawans all had that one braid in the back? Anyway, it's May the 4th. He was saying bullshit on that way. All right, let's take a break when we come back. Arsenal. I'm Luke Wilson. Join me each week for Film Never Lies. Since retiring from the NFL, I've had a lot of my mind, and now I've got my own show.

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All of those results, specifically that Everton City result, looks fantastic because on Saturday it was Arsenal 3, Fulham No. And I think we were a little, we were nervous going into this because everything is a final. Oh yeah. Yeah. I do know Fulham to be a team that provides us with very frustrating. rating draws.

And that's what I was worried about, for sure. But we came out fucking swinging. And that was a fantastic thing to see. Victor Yacres with a brace, Bukai Osaka, with a goal and an assist. I think that took him to 151 goal contributions in 308 appearances for the football club. What's it called when you have two goals and an assist? It's not a hat trick. Is it like a maybe like a Jack Harlow hat trick?

Yeah. Yeah, just cap trick It's floppy Bray trick Yeah, yeah It's not quite a good hat Coofew trick Coofee trick

I mean for Jack Carlo Harlow A fess is a hat I'm trying to think Was it was no A visor trick Oh It's not a proper hat

Oh a visor trick A visor trick A hole in the middle That sounds like a Like a Like a Something in an elderly Like a trick daddy song

Oh okay From like you know Like 98 or something I thought it was gonna be like Like an old Filipino Women Just like flips One of those

Oh yeah We used to wear him upside down and backwards. Oh, that was, hang on, as a young man, that was a style. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I do remember sin, man. That's some late 90s. That was a bicycle. Can't hardly wait type.

Yeah, I remember. You wear ski goggles. Yeah, yeah. I took his method man to wear ski goggles in public once, and I was like, those are glasses. Now I need those. My son, I think it too, has started a new one. He got free eye mask on the flight and everywhere he goes. He wears a, like a bandana with the fucking eyes on it.

I was like, dude, that's pretty, that's a look. Yeah. He's like, wait, my, wait my, my mask. Yeah. And occasionally, and then just do bits of just walk around, like, cover his eyes. We walk around all blind. He started doing all the jutsu with his fingers and shit. Yeah, yeah.

He's watching. He's watching the anime. Anyway, that was a few different things that have happened, that were first, I guess, for Arsenal. Three goals ahead at halftime hasn't happened since November, 2024 against West Ham. And the XG of 2.4, was their most accumulated in the first 45 minutes in a home game since May 22 against Everton.

So there's a lot of things, the evolution. We were wondering, are we going to get some? I mean, that first goal was like what you'd think we could be scoring all the time. It's like soccer on the wing, put Jimenez on his ass, cross it right into the box, and then Yaccharis is there for the tap-in. And the Bukaiosaka goal was also fantastic. The way Victor Yacorette, like, I was like, who are you? Excuse me.

Where's, where's the safe of Lexington? You know what he probably did? He's like, he's got jeans on. He licked his finger. Paint. He's fully nude. Oh, he's fully new. You thought they were jeans.

He's like a painted on. Carnival style. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's true, the sums out. Carnival victors in town. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Notting Hill Carnival soon, you know what I mean? Or maybe it already happened, but, you know, that's what he was, that's what he was ready for.

And then the, um, and then the, that's what he was ready for. And then his third goal, just another one too. It's like, yeah, nice little lofted ball into the, like into the box, just for you to finish a nice little header. Trashar finally making a play too. Yeah. He also had a great game. Miles.

I was going to do, I was going to do my song as I guess he's back again. Miles is back. Miles is fucking back. First time playing in the Premier League, I think, in Central Midfield. And it was like, yeah. Yeah. Oh, I mean, Arteta said it was the right game. He didn't get told to like just before kickoff as well.

That's what my said in the post. Yeah, he only found out when the team she went up. But I think it's so he didn't overthink it is probably the logic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, but man, what a, what a performance. Part of him, he's like, yeah, I was training at left back this whole week. Like, would have been crazy. I'm like, no, you had.

No, they would have been training, I'm sure, in the position. But like, yeah, like, it was just like, thank God. It was just like the people, like the half time. Like, the fans were, it's like they'd won the league at half the, fans were, I think the fans were like, finally we've watched a game that isn't, we can like relax for the second half. Well, you know it was? Just early chances.

I finally, I'm like, what is it that connects this team to the fucking crowd? Just some stylish plays. You don't have to score. Yeah. But just a nice looking phase of play with a chance at the end early in the game. Yep. Settles the crowd down. Now everybody's locked in.

Yep. That's kind of what it takes. Sack it, man. Sackabackaback. It's the. It's the difference. Yeah. And he didn't look that good when he played that.

Yeah. But he's, he looked, he looks like this one felt yeah, yeah, that he's, he, he knew,

he knew, he knew. And everything, there's so many times when he would have that ball on the wing and somehow he just couldn't dribble his defender. Like, but this time it felt like he just was so much sharper.

Oh, the man is just out there who the fuck, where the fuck was the fucking, uh, defender was off the set page. Because like, because like, Robinston,

really that XG was like, two point whatever, like over two of it is technically from set plays because the first goal was off a free kick. So he was isolated. He went to Miles and I went to Bacayo and then so Jimenez was out there. But yeah, I mean, he looked like a full one.

And then it was like, and then I was looking online I think Billy Carpenter was a really good analysis. He made a point about Victor for both goals. He's, you know, no, Victor. Right. We love you. We want to love you. But at times you make it hard for us to love you. And one of the things that he hadn't been doing is

he would not make the first aggressive move, the gamble on the ball. And so he'd be like, he's like not on the ball. But for both goals, he made the move before the ball came in. So he was proactive. So he got his just desserts.

And I will say this, I've kind of worked out from watching his interview afterwards. I think I know what his special skill is. I'm in a WhatsApp group. And yeah, I mainly debate this one guy who loves him so much unequivocally. And I said, I think this is his main asset.

And he said, I think it's just him scoring goals. I said, I think it's a fact that if you watch his interview after the game, I've never seen a man less arced with any. They're like, Victor, wow, two goals. And he goes, yeah, you know, just, you know. He literally's like he's just been for a trip around Costco with the misses.

He was like, he was just like, yeah, it's just, you know, and then you have to, that mentality, because a week ago, he didn't make that pass. And we were like, idiot, coward. Coward. You fucking gallant. He must just be like, he must have some like men in black pen where he just forgets immediately about what he did. And he's just like, yeah, you know, just, you know, go out of that.

I think he's his professional as it as being Swedish. He's just so deadpan. Very Scandinavian. Very Scandinavian, not ever happy or sad. You're not celebrating shit as a Scandinavian. In his head, he's assembling wooden furniture. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Making meatballs. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? At a very steady pace. More stereotypes. Yeah. Fasching a clog. Putting a tiny bit of tobacco in his...

Oh, yeah, yeah. They revolutionized chewing tobacco, right? What? Yeah, they stole the little, whatever they called. Snoose. And then they made the gummies for kids, a little Swedish fish. So kids could kind of join in.

Like nicotine gummies. Then they have nicotine gummies. The children in the form of the fish. Abba, you know what I mean? The list goes on. I heard his girlfriend's back. His girlfriend's about his girlfriend? That's a little, you know,

that's an internet shit I've seen. Victor. Victor. Victor, guys. You want to win a league? You got to be damn near married to play on art. Look what I have for you. Victor, guys.

This is a robot for you, Victor. It doesn't ask about football, nothing, guys. It doesn't ask what your dreams are about. It knows. Doesn't care. Doesn't care. He introduces robot girlfriend to the team. Yeah.

It's all like, it's so janky too. You're like, bro, what? He's like, guys, I want you to meet my girlfriend, this robot. And you're like, that's like a latex butt with a wig on a broomstick. That is not a humanoid of any kind. And everybody loses. He's losing the dressing room. They're like, what do you just bring in here?

It's okay, guys. Everyone is individually. I've made 22 different holes for you guys. Guys, and listen, every member of this. We need our starters and our finishes, guys. Guys, and I know you're going to ask. There's no way this isn't a human woman, guys, but it is. Okay.

I know you're probably like, oh my God, I've never seen anything like this, guys. but welcome. You haven't. What did you make it out, Gaffer? It's a latex butt in our broom and that week.

I drilled. Okay. It's funny, for a man that always talks about, it's enjoying the journey, not the destination, which we'll,

I guess, various levels of stoicism want to tap into. I've never seen a man who says that more, but when you watch him, like, you mate,

that is not true. You'll not enjoy it. He'll be like, he'll be like, ah, and afterwards you guys, it's just a beautiful thing. I'm just, we're just so happy to be playing.

Yeah. It's the guy you know who's just like, Hey, I'm a pretty chill that guy. I'm like, hey, I never really get angry. Bro, you were crying in the Buffalo Wild Wings bathroom 15 minutes ago. Hey, let's not get, hey. Yeah. Let's not get bogged down in the details.

Hold on, guys. Why are we time traveling going back in the past, man? Eyes ahead. Okay. I'm not crying in the Buffalo Wild Wings bathroom right now. So we only have the present, guys. I keep saying that. The real friend is one who goes,

just in life I always think, have no regrets. And then like, you'll see him like, oh, I lost a dollar, Ronnie, damn it.

Fucking idiot. No. He got a fucking. No. Disney's Gargoyles tattoo on his neck. Were you sure about that? Also, I didn't realize that we have had the longest unbeaten home record

against any other English football, aside in history, with Fulham never beating us at home. They also had, there's no nice way of saying this. It sounded like their team had the runs. As soon as the game, they said,

yeah, they do, they were, it was like, it was like, it was, soon as the final whistleblower. Perfect.

You know, wow. Let's find out who their chef was and who's in. Guys, I might get that to have. Guys, you're on three days rest, guys.

I just watched from West Ham, bro. I was watching Fight Club the other day. I was on some shit like that, dude. Oh, yeah. Remember when they was, you know, putting boogers in the flas. I mean, I was going to say like an old school, an old school teenager prank. Lachetives in the food.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Vizine. I remember when they did that in wedding crashes. I'm like, bro, they ripped that off from me in sixth grade. The players are like, does that chef look? I look like Mikkel Artetsu of a mustache. No, no, no, no, no, no, guys. I am a Kokany geezer.

Yeah. A booze and pez guys. You said it like a Japanese person saying cockney. Kokuni. You got to understand. I'm a Kokeni, guise. These are a three level bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Try to do a Spanish, English speaker. Yeah. To be a chef who is a cockney. Yeah. Apples and pears, guys. Guys, I'm from. Guys, I've made you apples and pears for dinner, guys. Oh, come on, night.

I made you stairs for dinner, guys. Are you having a laugh? Mm, all right. Well, we'll deal with it. Long let the diarrhea continue. Because I was going to say, Fulham didn't look great. Mm-hmm.

And I don't care. because we beat them 3-0. Right. But like, because some people, like, I saw even our own fans trying to be like,

I mean, it's not that impressive what Miles Lewis-Skelly did concerning, like, how dreadful Fulham was. And I'm like, can any, if you're doing this kind of shit, go get hell.

You know what I mean? He had such a great cameo in that role. And I think the thing that was so exciting about him playing Central Midfield was that he was doing the things that were always lamenting Zubimendi or Rice

won't typically do in that same position, which is like, turn the ball and look ahead and maybe dribble it a little bit. Oh, yeah, might. Like, rather than, and I get the emphasis on possession or whatever, because, you know, you're not going to get scored on if you have the ball. But it was just like, yes, that's exactly what we were looking for. So long made that last miles.

It's good to see you. It's good to see me out there. Yaccharez, too. I think it is worth talking about, right? He's now scored 21 goals in all competitions. 21 goals. Pretty good, man. That's the last person to do that in their debut season for us was Alexis Sanchez.

What did he end up with? 20. I thought he had 20. Didn't he have 24? Or 24, yes, 24. But he got that mark. And then Henri has like the record with 26, I think, in his debut. But no, yeah.

And the thing with Victor is like, which if you go through the stats is he mainly has done it against bottom half of the league. Yeah, yeah. But what a beautiful last few games for him to be playing. This is what we need. It's funny. Was I talking last week to you guys? I was like, maybe he's put on. Gabriel J. Zeus and rest him

and then Gabriel J. Zeus came on and I saw a stat. He was offside more in that half of football than Victor's been in 2026. Wow. Because every time he went to, I was like this guy, is he on one of those dodgy bets where it's like I'm going to get four off sides in a game and someone

in someone on a different side of the planet gets four million quids because. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, he's a great, like, what a crazy stat. He was just like, come on, dude. That's one of the ones where I'm like, I'm not a professional, but I wouldn't be off.

I wouldn't be quick enough to be off. You know what I mean? I use the one called draft twinks. How's that work? Graph twinks. It's just little bets. Yeah, little bets. Fragile bets.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Runaways. Yeah. You brought it into existing. You brought it. You spoke it into existence. I brought it. You just forgot the setup for that.

Yeah. You had to stop in your brain. I'm still, I'm like, I think I'm soccer, but I'm really mad away. Okay. Oh, wow. I finished my end product. Yeah. In my head, they ain't quite there, you know what I'm saying?

No, it sounds, yeah. Oh, right. Well, you said you only remembered the punchlines, though? So you're fucking up the setups. So it's actually reversed. Yeah, reversed. You're reversed matter of work. Yeah.

You're just to finish you. You're Theo Walk on. Yeah. Oh, no, no, no, you're fucking up the, no, yeah, you got, wait, you got the set. Mm. You're just Vixierchia. Yeah, there it is. You can't control a ball.

You can't hold, but you can put it in the back of the anime. Yeah, give me. Oh, did you see the young, the little, the young, that kid's screaming. Arsenal fan. What a beautiful meme that is. Yeah. The intensity at which he was screaming, I was like, hmm, your dad is screaming pretty hard at home, huh? Yeah, it's.

And it ain't just about football. Yeah, yeah. Like, there's some, you're tapping into something that I thought only grown men could do. Yeah. Why is it cold? Yeah, yeah. Why? I got home early. She's like, it's ham.

It doesn't matter. It's in a... It's way for them. The sandwich. It came out of the refrigerator. You know, I like it hot. Microwave it. Boiled it.

Come on. Boil it. Then he, the like five-year-old boys. Mommy. Manning. What's my juice? Lou wall. It should be icy.

Like Gucci Main. Other thing. Giacorez, 14 goals since the start of the year, 2026, more than any other Premier League player. And across the top five leagues in Europe, only three players have scored more times than he has. that's Harry Kane, Venetius, and Laminia Mall. Good company?

Yeah. And so I get it to, like, a lot of people are like, what's actually been the net change in terms of points? He's won because of the goals. I'm like, that's not nearly as important as having the momentum of goals grind. And I get, I mean, it is important when it leads to results, but you need goals to be happening to get more. Also, he's the most available strike.

He missed, like, about three games at one point. But, like, look at all the other strikers. I mean, Harlan's, like, never injured, fair play. but like Isaac injured was out of the Echitiate poor guy that looked awful but like he's just

yeah I mean yeah you know I'm I'm activating the dog who gods spirexed one tomorrow he's just fuck up the screen and like oh shit I put a crack in it just get the crystal yeah yeah yeah please Lord

please have my son make him in your vision we should by the way do for any I was thinking of any listeners or viewers whatever please send in insane stuff you have done to help your team

we've been on this journey I've admitted to some crazy stuff so I want to at Ainsip Footee My other co-host Yeah, AinaFooty at gmail.com Jack O'Brien, he's a Sixers fan He would either wear or not wear them was his most busted

Sixers hat depending on what was going on with them and then he eventually had to disengage because it was affecting his ability to parent And he missed the game seven that happened recently because it was his son's birthday. Oh, and I haven't had to know do that.

Yeah. And guess what? He was rewarded by God. Yeah. I haven't said on here, but I did text you guys. I did after the first goal, I was a 1-0 cool. But it's something about the fans, the second and the third goal. You're like, oh, this is, we can relax.

Second goal, I do, I run up from my living room into the kitchen. On my backslide, my son is cracking up. I'm like, all right, I'm going to go for a full knee slide. Right. I go back, full knee slide. with tractsy bottoms on, skin both my knees, put holes in my thing,

and then it was the Califuri go, it was disallowed. Yeah, I was going to say, even a, I ripped my pants on a, on a, they fully ripped?

They've got, they've got, no, they've got like, the sort of good materials been worn down, so it looks like, someone's going to be like,

it'll be just like, I can wear them, and someone's just, what happened now? And they go, Alphiri, didn't mean, that was even,

that was even cold. I was, yeah, it was a further, it was a further Buccoo soccer goal. It was a preemptive. I'll rewrite history. But yeah, so we'll do stupid.

I forgot I watched the whole first half in my car. I didn't jerk off for this game. Yeah. I was playing basketball. Okay. All the way up until kickoff. The watchalongs of you are going to be interesting for the fans at home. Yeah, stay tuned.

They'll be on kick, yeah. You're watching on OnlyFans. Yeah. Hey guys, welcome to my OnlyFans, DME. We'll be watching Arsenal versus West. Jamel is Mosaic out. Coventry away. Yeah, yeah.

You know what that mean. Wait, so you're playing basketball? I was at the park and it was like 929. So I start the game on my phone. Right. And then I'm in my car and I'm like, it's starting to heat up earth. So I started to have a couple chances early. I'm like, well, I can't leave now.

And then we score. Oh, so now I'm just locked in. But now I'm just locked in for the whole half. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm screaming in my car, windows up in front of the park. Like the entry, the only fence open. at Highland Park REC Center.

You don't want to look like Kellen Winslow, Jr. I'm looking nuts, man. In that car. Do you remember that? Oh, shit. What did he do in the car? I remember he did a couple things.

He was masturbating in a car and, like, covered in, like, grease. And then when the cops pulled up, he said he was looking for Boston Market. I wasn't too far off. Ovid in Greece is a weird feature. Yeah, it was something,

like sort of fats that you'd cook something. Yeah, it sounds like you just came from. Boston Market. Oh, greasy. Yeah, there was, where is it? He, there's just, I just remember so vividly. Yeah, there was a pair, two open containers of Vaseline and the center console. Wow, two open, can.

How much Vaseline do you need? Yeah, come on. Going wild. And then again, he was saying, he said, hey, I was, I was looking for the Boston Market. Come on, bro. So that is just, literally, he's looking for a market, Boston Market. Boston Market is a chicken restaurant chain.

Yeah, yeah. I like everything in this country is somehow a chicken shop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me 100 guesses. What's Boston Market? First guess, a market in Boston? No. Try another one.

Better say chicken. Is it chicken shop? Yeah. Ding ding, ding. Which, when it came out, fantastic rotisserie chickens. I haven't had a Boston market in a minute, though. But that, I remember, took the world by storm.

Anyway, that was, I think, because he was on synthetic weed and just out of sorts. That was the-smoking spice. Yeah, that's what the spice-addled brain will give you. It was amazing. having a J-O and your Escalade. And now you're trying to do improv and you say, uh, for the Boston market.

I wonder if PCP is more like organic. Like, is it better for you than Spice? I don't know. Listeners, like technically call in, email in. Let us know.

I feel like Spice's got a bad rap, you know? Yeah, just in terms of like what it does to like your lipid profile. Sure, sure. Is it like, yeah, I don't know.

Only one way to find out when we make Chris small. it live on the air. Yeah. Talking about live streams. Yeah. Yeah. All of these things that you just sound like, I'd just be so,

as someone that never does. Yeah, I would never touch synthetic weed. I would never, ever, ever, ever. If I was masturbating in my car, yeah, probably wouldn't use the Vaseline. I'd be a bit, I would. Sure, because he's like,

you know what, I'm in a car. Yeah, yeah. I'm in a public place. Let's not add evidence to the situation. Yeah, yeah. But this guy went full. I wasn't jerking off in my car

but I did scream as a A family was walking by Because it was right on the soccer goal Oh yeah yeah And he does the Yeah yeah And I'm like shut the fuck up You shush them

You should someone their kid They're like oh my God Yeah yeah It's funny because what was he Who is he telling to speak what Like because people would be doubting his Yeah I think it's just for the how For everybody all in his

Yeah because I feel like if Nike Maybe like if Nike made a commercial Like and we ended up winning the league Off the back of what's soccer's performance is the first half would be who Kyle just doesn't have anymore he still looks injured he's definitely cheating on his girlfriend

you know stuff like that yeah exactly you think he's cheating no he couldn't I don't I don't see him doing that if he did he's a scounder you think he could be anything that could be anyone his landlords like Wes

yeah rents you he goes shut up yeah shut up Michael yeah why he got a landlord he's a multi-million yeah because he's put all his money in different like stocks He found out the property's not like he's like a Swiss person.

They all rent, but they're all millionaires. The Boston market. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't worry about me. I'm looking for the Boston market, all right? Find a new angle. Speaking of new angle, I don't even know what that means. Man United Liverpool, that was a great match.

Yeah. As a cross bar. There's a different crossbar. There we go. There we go. That was a really interesting match. In the beginning, I was like, oh shit. Liverpool is.

about to get fucking rolled up. Goal in the six minute from the web surfer himself, Mateus Cunia, then Cessco with a... Off the penis. Handball. It did bounce off his hand. I think if it hits your hip. If it hits your penis, it's fine. But it also hit his hand. Yeah, but they negate the hand to like, he got hit in the dick.

And that's not fun. But he didn't act like he got hit in the dick. Maybe he's got my dick. Yeah. And that's his marginal game. But did we, can we agree that he did touch it? He did. He does his fingers.

Yeah. But although the trajectory was still moving towards the goal, so I don't know how much of a difference it would have made. But after being falling victim to weird handball calls, I'm like, what come on? What are you? Everybody needs to get a weird handball now. There we go.

And look for a Boston market. Right ahead. So then in the second half, Maine United completely let Liverpool back in. Sobol Sly scored. And then there was another errant pass that basically Sovoslis was able to lay off to Cody Gakpo to make it two, two. At this point, did you think this would maybe end in a draw,

or did you think someone would find a winner? Because at this point, I was like, oh, Liverpool might. I thought it was going to be a draw at that point. Yeah, yeah, same. I mean, the Soberslie go. I know the Gapot one is the kind of more egregious error, but I did like the fact that the whole Man United team just let Soberslie run sort of pretty slowly through the whole of the pitch.

And then just it was one, are we supposed to, are we tackling this off? Yeah, yeah. Oh, we're tackling. I thought you were going to do it Okay Alright alright See we got to talk about this Michael forgot to tell us

We needed to talk you forgot You didn't put it in the team talk Yeah Although he had a very short shirt on Bro You thought he was sagging his pants Yeah I saw his whole Show me his shirt

I missed that He celebrated it and his like whole shirt Like came up And he had to pull it down real quick Like a badby style Like a girl Like a girl Like he said

He tried to take a jumper off And you did the whole thing But it was just him Raising his arms And you saw his under I don't know why I would help so scandalized too. I saw his underwear. Yeah, I was immediately.

There are children watching. I clutch my pearls. I did too. I did not expect this. There was something weird, though. Like when I saw it, I was like, man, Michael Carrick is sloppy, bro. Yeah, this ain't, we're not supposed to see that. Yeah, it is odd.

Like, as somebody who sees this all the time in the U.S., I've never seen a, I've never seen a manager's underwear. Yeah. It's just weird. Without paying for it. That's true. Come on. That's a different.

You know, Bangor, when he was in Japan, he was selling his drawers. Oh, yeah. You know he was selling draws back in the day. We would pay a top dollar because in Japan, we respect the fuck out of Arson Venger. Because he learned Japanese when he was coaching. Hey, real, real shit. When he gave his farewell speech to go to Arsenal from Naglia, he did that shit in Japanese. Damn.

Even though it was like, he was truncated. You know what I mean? He kind of hit him with like a. He said, what's that word again? He said, thank you. Good night. Yeah, yeah. But he did it in Japanese.

Yeah. And we respect him to that. He said in an offensive accent. He said, thank you. And do good don't know it. And people are like, is actually Mikhail Artetta pretending to be Arsendanger.

Why are you doing that? Why is your accent? He's insensitive to the Japanese guys. Not me. That was me doing an impression of Arsendanger. Yeah, and then Kabimainu came through with a winner.

That was a fucking, just, I mean... Kind of like seeing him do well. Yeah. Yeah, especially after being frozen out by Amor. It is weird when you have to make these calls as the owners of these teams

where you're like, we're back in the manager and the manager is like, this guy's a bum, and then they get a gun and he's like, oh, this guy's really good. That guy's like a fan favorite. You mean the guy who damn near won euros the other day? Yeah. Local kid. You feel like, bro, you haven't had one of your own,

what's there, Carrington? Yeah, yeah. Or that's the training ground, but anyway. Like, they haven't had someone from their youth setup really be the man like that in a long time. And I'm like, that's, that feels like always something that was part of, like, the DNA of United was always having those kind of guys, like trickling through.

Anyway, what did Ruben Amram know? Because also, no player has more Premier League goals since Ruben Amram has departed at Manchester United than Benjamin SESCO. Wow. I mean, the SESCO and they're both in very different seasons, technically, have done quite well. I mean, if you were looking at who's got the biggest ceiling,

it's definitely for me, is Sheshko. You want to be politically correct. You want to say it like you, but then when do you stop? When do you go, Nogad? When do you went Nago? Nagor. It's very hard to know which names to say, British, which names to say, like, but he still looks very scared when he play.

Like, I don't back him. What Victor has is, I feel like, after a game, if you asked Jessica, he'd be like, scored a goal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't believe I scored a goal. Mommy, yeah, I scored. You know what victory going to do. Mommy.

Yeah, yeah, just scored again. Yeah. Off to the, uh, rolling. So we have to score more goals now. We've got more goals. I won the league. Oh, cool. All right.

Um, that's what I get paid to do. So. If I wasn't doing that, I wouldn't have a good Celebration as well. He scored and did the, it was like a little don't. Oh,

Sheshko, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he's got up, bro. Have you, do you see the clips of him playing basketball? I've seen. They were going around the summer.

I was like, oh, shit. I was like, wrong sport, bitch. I know. I mean, Slovenians, they're just so like,

because, like, you even see Luca with a ball at his feet. He's got it. Oh, yeah, sure. You know, it's like,

everyone's like a two sport athlete in Slovenia. It's like basketball and football. Like so I mean it's either that or join the military dog Yeah Yep You know what's up Have we seen

CESCO's mom Ooh Hello What's that What's the How's that link Is this a new thing you do When we talk about playing

You just check their mom Yeah Yeah Yeah Because everyone When Luca Donchitch came to the league Everyone was like

Who is his girlfriend And everyone was like That's his mom Oh yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah And they were just

Well you know Listen Slovenia got some They got some vibes. Yeah. With the ladies. Everyone's got a vibe. You know what I mean?

And shout out to theirs. Let's see. So I think also there, I think our boy with the haircut, what, does that, I think they're down to two in a row now. Oh, right. He might get, he might do it. I'm sure he's like, please don't mention me. Yeah.

There was a thing that like on the internet, people were saying like for all the haters of like the Premier League, right? Like this last week has been really bad because it meant like Arsenal got closer to the title. the Man United haircut guy got one step closer to getting his haircut and Spurs

are out of the relegation zone. Now, I think it was producer Jabari who basically mentioned he's like, you might have to start, you might have to break the curse you might have to ease up

on Spurs. Yeah. And we did. Hey. And we did. And you know what? No one eased up as much as Howard.

Who night? I'm Luke Wilson. Join me each week for Film Never Lies. Since retiring from the NFL, I've had a lot of my mind, and now I've got my own show. So if you're tired or lazy takes, if you want honest conversations, join us each week.

Film Never Lies, available on all TSN platforms and the IHeart Radio app. American soccer is about to explode. The World Cup is coming. Ramos sending on to Ernie. I'm Tom Ramos. I'm Tom Bo. On our podcast, Inside American Soccer, you'll get the real storylines.

I'm not worried about Policic. I'm not worried about Balagan. I'm not worried about McKinney. My only concern is what happens in the back. The biggest decisions. If you're going to look at stats and numbers, he has no shot at making this World Cup team. And the truth about the U.S. national team. It wouldn't be a huge surprise if our team ends up in the quarterfinals or potentially a great run into the semifinals.

The World Cup is almost here. Experience it all with us. Listen, inside American soccer with Tom Bogart and Tab Ramos on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcast. Hey, I'm Jared Adano. You might know me as that loud guy

who yells out, help on the internet. Help! Somebody! Please! But there's so much more to me than me. I'm an actor. I'm a comedian. And recently, I've become quite the helper myself. And on my new podcast, hope from a hypocrite,

I'll be changing lives, helping people in need with my sage advice and thoughtful solutions. Sike, I'm a comedian. I'm not qualified to give good advice. Join me and my comedian friends as we riff rant and recommend some of the most legally dubious advice known to man. If I'm calling you, even if you're on your phone, let it ring twice. One ring is too scary. Oh, cream a chicken suit. Hey, cream, cream a chicken suit.

This is help from a hair. Hippocrite, the worst advice from the dumbest people you know. Listen to Help from Hypocrite as part of the Mike Coutura Podcast Network available on the IHart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What's up, fam? It's Isaiah Thomas. And I'm C.J. Toledano, and our podcast Point Game is about defying the odds. Like LeBron heading into the playoffs without Luca and Austin Reed. And finding ways to win no matter what.

He's the smartest player to ever play the game. His IQ is at a level that we've never seen before. And he knows, without Luca and Austin Reeves, I got to manipulate the game. We get a player's perspective on the challenges of the playoffs. I think Joker's going to be exhausted this series because when they don't have Rudy in the lineup, he has to really guard guys like Nas Reid. He has to guard Julius Randall. And then he has to give us everything he gives us on the night-to-night basis on offense.

And when IT's friends stop by, like Quentin Richardson, we dive into some playoff history too. Steve Nass would get that thing. that man, hell get the flying. He running the court, licking his fingers why he got the ball, like,

after you go through a training camp with that I said, you figure it out real quick. Get your ass up and down the court, and you're going to get the ball. So listen to Point Game on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Was Leon Bailey, like, sidro bob? Did he have some fuck? Does he have a new fucked-up hair, do? Was that some Photoshop that I saw?

I think Leon Bailey took his braids out and it looks a little side show Bobbish. Oh, yeah. Does that have a look? The glass. Definitely was.

People have a picture of Kodak Black. I mean, yeah, you should have known. She was fucked up from then. That is. I mean, why would Leon Bailey look like that? That is Bob Terwilliger. That was Unai saying, no one cares about this game, guys. You can do whatever with you have.

Yeah, his destiny is to lose a European final. Yeah. Well, Unai is just the Europa League. It's just his cup. It will, it would be funny. The one final he lost? let's not talk about that but it would be funny if

after sort of throwing that game and basically not just upsetting Arsenal fans upsetting I would say every single supporter in the league because everyone wants everyone wants spurs to go down because it would be the funniest it would make it's what the it's what the world needs

in 2026 with the war in Iran it's hard for everyone gas prices are high the one thing that will save humanity this year is of Tottenham Hotspur. You know. But Ralebeah, but Unai didn't get the memo.

Yeah. If Tandem got relegated, the minute they got relegated, all the guys in the straight of Hormuz, they'd have a laugh. Oh, yeah. Oh, mate. They'd be stranded here. Yeah. The war would actually end that day. Yeah, because I think, yeah, the U.S. and Iran would figure out, they found common ground.

They found common ground over that one thing. Now, Arsenal winning, that could, that might not bode well for global relations. We don't know. We don't. We can't. It's too early to tell. But the end of the season, we will know. Connor Gallagher had his first goal.

Like, the guy who so many of the fucking Spurs supporters are like, I have like laid this season at his feet because he was like the one incoming transfer. Like, we didn't need another fucking six. Yeah, yeah. He runs around. But there you go. He got your first goal. And even he, like, once they scored that goal, like, I was like, oh, they got some belief.

They got some belief for Charleston with, I think he had a header. and then a real nothing doesn't matter because in the 96 minute Emmy Blandia also had a header. Did you see how few Villa fans were left? They all left early.

You look at the crowd when he scores as about nine people and literally they've all gone. They just don't care. They're like, even the fans are just like just wait to Lee Roper. That's all they care about, I guess.

Because they think they've got top four but they definitely haven't got top for you Because if Bournemouth win a couple of games, it's going to look spicy. Yeah. It's going to look spicy for them. And, well, because, like, I mean, yes, let's look. This next week, right?

Match week, 36. We've got Liverpool hosting Chelsea. Fulham hosting Bournemouth, Sunderland, hosting United, City, Brentford. Could be, could be, Google. At city?

Yeah. Burnley host Villa. And really, us going away to West Ham, but yeah, Spurs are hosting leads. And then on Wednesday of next week, Citi'll have their other game fully caught up with their match against Palace. Oh, that's the next Wednesday? Yeah, okay.

Yep. So another. They haven't moved that date. They were trying to move the date for something. They were trying to do something. They were trying to swap it round. Yeah. But no, they did not accomplish their goal.

I feel like last week I was reading that the Premier League was like, no. It's a no for me, Doug. which I love me, which I love too here. Do you think the P? I was just thinking on PEP's shirt stands for points deduction. I hope. I hope so.

Yeah. Or pathetic husband, you know? It's definitely Puma. Oh, is it. No, it is. I have the same. I have the sweat. Oh, you got the same one.

I have the Puma sweats with the same Pee. But how do we know for sure? Wait, don't I? Do you work for Puma? Yeah. You don't know? You could also be a pathetic husband. Yeah.

Are you Adi Dossler's brother who started the company? Just to share. something. I don't know. Are you in any text groups about football where you have like a name of the player or anything? Obviously, R1 is just A-I-F, but ain't it footy. Right, right. I'm in an Arsenal one, which has got Max Dowman's name in it.

But we mainly just talk about Gokores. And I was like, why don't we just change the name of this to Gok and Spiel? Oh. Yeah. Wonderful marching instrument. That's nice. Exactly. Everybody was loving it?

Um, about that reaction. Yeah. I'll be honest. I was hoping for more. I was hoping for, like, a laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rock out with your gawk out. That's the number one.

You know what I mean? That's it. Jack and roll. Yeah. Yeah. Just do a whole podcast. That's yonk and roll. Yeah.

Pons. Yeah. Smoking gawk. I'm yoke dog, like smoke dog. Yeah. Like Friday. Yeah. Try these out.

I mean, you have the power to just change. They be like, what do you think of this one? No, I don't feel confident enough to do that. Building yawks is my favorite. And now. Building yocks? Building yocks. Yeah, jagging.

I mean, just something with jeans. Honestly, just gags, whatever. Well, let me go back. If they win the league and do the open top bus parade, he's got to do it in jeans, isn't he? Oh, yeah. Jeans and a shirt. Oh.

He looks like someone that you do. He looks like a man you see in the pub who wears a football shirt over some jeans. Do you know what I mean? Like, that's his look. I mean, a lot of people. Oh, like his look is. His look on a note. I like the jeans with the jersey.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, because he got him. He got really tight at the ankles.

Yeah, he's got like the Ferrari Puma. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What you on the side note, just to put it back on Tadam, we're going to show respect to the, to Stadham, because we respect them now. Yeah. Want you guys to stay up. Is Deserby, are the shoes, are they leather, are they ugs?

I think they're like zip up white leather. No, they're the same boots. The same wheels. Yeah, yeah. Oh, still looking, rocking those creative wrecks. But they just look like big as. I saw them closer up and they're like ugs. It like zugs with a side zip.

He's a big zip. He's a zips guy. They're leather. They're crazy. Let me just see. When he goes to the toilet on a night out, it takes him about seven minutes to find which zip on his jeans has his penis behind. He's going.

He's trying there. He's so low. At one point, he's zipping behind it. Like, Bobby, you're sitting like that, bro. No, no, no. Why would it be there, man? You're not smuggling a fucking sausage into the country, bro. It's going to be in the front.

He's like, could be down here. I don't know. I don't know. It's all performative for the guys. in the bathroom. Yeah, yeah. Oh, which one of these zippers leads to my dick? It's all condoms.

Could be this one down here by my ankles because you know I'm packing. Nobody's in there. It's just sad. He's still in the nightclub, but like two. Everyone's already left. Waiting for somebody to come back in. He hears the door. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I guess my big dick isn't behind this other one just below my kneecap. Hey, man, you got a, can you give me a hand in here? Hello? Can you give me a hand in here? Anyone? Anyone in there? Yeah, man, I told you, man, we closed 15 minutes ago, man.

You got to get the fuck out of here. I'm going to call the cops. Is Roberto, you trying to find your dick in the bathroom again? How'd you know? Also, yeah. Silence speaks volumes. Yeah. Off to every win.

That's what he does to celebrate. Yeah, it goes. It's like, bro, deserve he's in here. He's still in the stadium? Yeah, yeah. Like, somebody walks in like, did I just see? Yeah. Is he looking for his dick?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Consistent, man, if anything. All right, well. The Zerby's Yock.

There you go. But see, then they got to know. They got to be tapped into the wall. That's the half and half-scar version of a WhatsApp group. Deserby's Yock. Yark rock. All right. That's it.

Anything else? I mean, it was a lot of. Where are you guys watching the game tomorrow? I'm recording. I'm recording while it happens. So I'm either, I have to go full radio silence and catch it. like at 4 p.m. Or the cheeky score check

as it's happening. Does it finish before the end? You're recording? It's going to, if I go live, I'll probably be able to catch like the last 30 minutes, which may be worth it.

Where are you watching? I'm actually watching. I was supposed to get a haircut, but I might reschedule. And go up... Lucky Baldwin's go up north. See them east side gouners. Yeah.

For me. Eastside gooners, ex- Disney Gooners. Let them know. Disney still. they're at us. We're waiting. I do like watching in a pub, but I also sometimes need the solitude so I can shout coward at the rain. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's another thing. I don't want to watch that out in public. Yeah, yeah. I think my barber show, I think I'm good,

enough to where I could get them to put it on. Yeah. But I also don't want them to, I don't want to squeal in front of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, what's that? Yeah. I don't want that happening while a guy has a straight rammer around. They're like, God, okay, bro. I won't put the alcohol with the alcohol in the sensitive spots at the end. Anyway, that's going to do it for us. You find us next week as we get one match closer

to finding out what's going to happen. I'm going to be looking for a Boston market. And you guys have anything to plug? Any updates? I'm on the roads. Sacramento, Sunnyvale, this weekend, May 8th and 9th,

a chrismartin.com, also in the South, also in D.C. end of the month. Come on down. tickets need to be sold. Tickets need to be sold. Tickets running low. Tickets need to be sold.

Tickets need to be low. They're running. They're running. They should be running into your pockets. What about you, Jamo? Tonight at Blind Barber. Fresh produce taking place. In conjunction with the Netflix is a joke comedy festival. Come on by.

It's a free event. Okay. I'm sure the fest does not have many of those. Yeah. Pull up on us. Yeah. bartender's a huge Arsenal fan. Oh.

I love that. Hey, Zeus, man. Hey, Zeus. You're a good company. Anyway, that's going to do it. We'll see you next time. Bye. Another podcast from some SNL, late-night comedy guy, not quite.

Unhumor me with Robert Smygel and friends. Me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guest, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer, Streeter Seidel, help an a cappella band with their between songs. Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter. Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and Friends

on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What's up, fam? It's Isaiah Thomas. And I'm C.J. Toledano. It's our favorite time of the year on our podcast Point Game, the playoffs. We're digging into the biggest surprises of the season. And I'm looking back on some of my greatest playoff moments. If we didn't talk ever again, I was crying. You just understood.

That's how personal it got. Wow. Then after that game seven, Markeep coming to, he's like, you know, I love you, dog. You know, it's all love. This was just playoffs. This was just basketball. So listen to Point Game on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Joey Dardano.

And on my new podcast, Hope from a Hypocrite, I'll be changing lives, helping people in need with thoughtful solutions. Sike, I'm a comedian. I'm not qualified to give good advice. Join me and my comedian friends as we riff, riff, rant, recommend some of the most legally dubious advice known to me. This is Help from a Hypocrite, the worst advice from the dumbest people you know. Listen to Help from a Hypocrite Wednesdays

on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. American soccer is about to explode. The World Cup is coming. Ramos sending on the Army, score at the chip. Score! I'm Tab Ramos.

I'm Tom Boe. On our podcast, Inside American Soccer, you'll get the real. storylines, the biggest decisions, and the truth about the U.S. national team. It wouldn't be a huge surprise if our team ends up in the quarterfinals or potentially a great run into the semifinals. Listen, Inside American Soccer with Tom Bogart and Tab Ramos on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcast. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.