The Daily Zeitgeist - One if by Day, Two if by Zeit 11/20: Sharpie, Sean Maloney, Democratic Debates, NCAA, Ben Simmons

Episode Date: November 21, 2019

On One if by Day, Two if by Zeit Jack and Miles talk about Sharpies, Sean Maloney, the Democratic Debate PRE-take, NCAA suspensions, and Ben Simmons finally hits a 3. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, the internet, and welcome to One If By Day, Two If By Zeit. Ooh. Uh, my name is Jack O'Brien, and I'm Miles. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah, you don't speak. We got low energy, man. Whoa!

What? We haven't eaten all day. Yeah, that's true, actually. That's true, so you guys, um... We haven't eaten since this morning. Full disclosure, we have not eaten all day. Our mothers would be worried fucking sick right now. Uh... Actually, when I texted my mom, I haven't eated.

Yeah, this is going to be a disaster, guys. Just dropped a bomb on my head. Alright, let's get through this. Let's just grind this out joylessly. Like, 50-year anniversary sex. Oh, man.

Hey, I'm going to be great in my 50th anniversary. Oh, I'm going to keep it fresh. The amount of ED pills I'm going to take, man. Woo! I might die. Yeah. Yeah. Let's talk about Sharpie.

Why is Sharpie trending, Miles? Well, Sharpie was trending because it's our president's favorite writing tool. I want nothing. Give me nothing. He wrote, apparently, so around the time of Gordon Sondland's testimony today, he came out basically saying, like, you heard Gordon Sondland.

I told him I didn't want to quid pro quo, whatever. So he decided to, like, fully write out what his, like, response was, basically saying, like, this is actually how the conversation went. Right. It's interesting to think about. was he actually on his way somewhere? Because I have to imagine he's watching TV.

He sees what Sondland says. He sees that the media is actually focusing on the fact that Sondland is dropping bombs and incriminating him and his entire administration. And so he gets mad and runs out onto the lawn. It's like, fire up the chopper. Yeah. And then goes out and in a rage starts reading these things that he wrote down with Sharpie.

Yeah, he notated his own quoted statement. Yeah. And though, my God, if I was a handwriting analyst, I would say this person has hemorrhoids and is very upset. That is something you can tell from him. Is he using like a fucking like paint marker, like graffiti people use to just do like little quick nonstops or something? I don't know.

I don't know. It says, I want nothing. I want nothing. I want no quid pro quo tell zalinski to do the right thing this is the final word from the prez of the u.s that is what is written on there and he screamed that shit out yeah uh so his his point was that this was one part of Sondland's testimony was that when Taylor was like, yo, this is crazy. There's quid pro quo, like the president is holding up aid for a political investigation.

And Trump was like, no, no, let's not do that. In text message, text this, that's the part that he chose to focus in on yeah completely regardless of context i mean he has like the whole thing written now he has like prints of tweets like he really came up there with like a weird little book report i was gonna get an f minus right uh it's it's exhausting maloney was trending as well which i I think relates to Sondland's testimony as well. Yeah. Congressman Sean Patrick Maloney from New York, the Democrat. He had a moment that quite literally erupted in applause because Gordon Sondland, you know, he was being like, well, you know, the president said this. I didn't know Burisma and Biden and and i didn't know that was gonna benefit

him so uh patrick sean patrick maloney who is a former attorney or i'd imagine an attorney still hey what's an attorney always an attorney right hey that's what i would say he basically cornered him uh logically and got him to admit who who these investigations benefited there this is a longer clip but i'm just to play like the last 45 seconds because it's quite, it's just funny how he jujitsus him mentally with the legalese. Sir, we just went through this. When he asked you about investigations, which we all agree now means the Bidens, we just did this about 30 seconds ago.

It's a pretty simple question, isn't it? I guess I'm having trouble why I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Who would benefit from an investigation of the Bidens? I assume President Trump would benefit. There we have it, see? Didn't hurt a bit, did it? Mr. Maloney. Let me ask you something.

Mr. Maloney. Hold on, sir. Excuse me. I've been very forthright, and I really resent what you're trying to do. Fair enough. You've been very forthright. This is your third try to do so, sir. Woo!

Damn, son. Rat-a-tat. God, I didn't know they let people set off firearms in the Congress building. Damn. Damn. Still, who knows what it's going to mean in the end. Yeah. Again, it's so clear.

It's really just about, are y'all going to let him get away with this? Yes. Really? Yeah, they are. They're going to do their best to. I mean, so Drudge, just this is how I know what the other people, the people on the right are thinking. His headline is still ambassador drops bombs, followed president's orders.

Giuliani pushed quid pro quo Pence new. So, I mean, it seems to be like cutting through, like it seems like, yeah. Oh, I think for people who are smart enough to understand like how power works

and how you need to hold onto it. Like you can't just do this version of like till the wheels come off. Right. Because when the wheels come off, it is no longer a vehicle. So you got to be like, hold on to it. Like you can't just do this version of like till the wheels come off. Right. Because when the wheels come off, it is no longer a vehicle. So you got to be like, hold on. How do we keep the fucking wheels on? Unless you're sledding. Yeah, exactly.

Thank you. But how do you have a sled with wheels? That somehow like you're if you're thinking a long term strategy for the Republicans, you're like, this isn't this. This is actually the end point or this is going to lead to like really bad damage like if we're being smart we would give up a sacrificial lamb in the form of the president if they were really about their power and be like yo we can't let this dude push us around right well i mean i think yeah it seems like they're like well giuliani was the one who told you so maybe it was just giuliani who wanted the this wanted this investigation to happen.

But then the Democrats are going to call Giuliani. And Giuliani's already said, yo, I have the receipts. Like held his phone up to the camera and said, if anybody comes for me, this is what's going to go down. And remember early on he was talking about Mike Pompeo and all that stuff too in the State Department. Why don't you ask Mike Pompeo? Right. So again, this,

it's probably going to unravel pretty quickly at a, at a certain point. Yeah. Um, and whoa, the tears will flow. Yeah. How far we've fallen.

Uh, democratic debate is trending. We're recording this about 40 minutes before the debate goes down. Uh, so this episode and tomorrow morning's episode, you will not be hearing. Devoid of Democratic debate takes. I will say. Tomorrow afternoon's episode is going to be full of the fire

Democratic debate takes. Or who knows something else might be trending at that point. We'll be like, what? Oh yeah. And Lindsay Lohan? I really hope they're together. That's a rumor, right? It's been going around. It's been going around. They have similar friends, I guess it seems. But Andrew really hope they're together. That's a rumor, right? It's been going around. They've been, they

have similar friends, I guess it seems. But Andrew Yang was trending at the top of Twitter. A lot of the Yang gang was out here saying why they endorse Andrew. They're a united front. People ask if I was Yang gang because I had a blue hat on in a photo once.

I am balding. Damn, they're really looking for... I'm bald gang, not yang gang. How many degrees of separation do you think you are from Muhammad bin Salman? Oh, me and MBS? Yeah. I mean, I know people that work in Hollywood,

so probably one, two. NCAA is trending because they suspended the best college basketball player this year. Who's that? Weisman from Memphis. Is this a good player? Yeah, he's going to be the number one pick this next year,

but there was questions about his eligibility. James Weisman. James Weisman. Jim Weisman is what I call him. But he plays for Memphis, and they suspended him for 12 games. What happened? There was some eligibility questions, and then he played despite being ineligible. Wait, why would he be ineligible?

What was academically? I think it was, yeah, an academic issue. Because he's 18. It's not like he went burned through his years, like he was a Juco transfer or something. Oh, he's 7'1"? Yeah. Yeah, man. He's going to be fucking good.

He looks mean, too. Yeah, he's lean and quick and just good at basketball. Does he look as dominant as Zion did last season? No. Oh, okay. At least we know that. Yeah. But who knows what happened to Zion, man?

Yeah. I mean, Zion might be too dominant for the human frame. Right. Like he might be too fast and strong and big for physics. Do you think he's the second coming of Greg Oden? I don't. I think that's too spicy a take. Was Oden just his, once he had that surgery, it was a wrap, right?

Yeah. So there's something that happens with like seven foot two people. Like once you hit that height, there's just certain things. Yeah. And if your feet specifically, like if you have feet problems, like that's going to be really hard for you to recover. That's a lot of weight. There's a lot of weight.

A lot of weight on those feet seats. On those feet seats. On those feet seats. You saw Shaq's toes. Oh my, yeah. Yeah. Uh, that's a lot of weight. There's a lot of weight on those feetsies. On those feetsies. You saw, you saw Shaq's toes. Oh my, yeah. Uh, yeah. So the NCAA fucking is the worst and so uneven in how they, uh, enforce things. And yeah, they're just, they're a bunch of old, old dudes just trying to keep these young

people from making anything, any kind of money for themselves. Yeah. Fuck the NCAA. And. Well, don't say that, man. I'm still,

I still got some eligibility left. Yeah. I actually never played. So I could do a red shirt. Catch me a poly pavilion being like, what's up, man? You need me.

I could play a very slow one. Yo, my eligibility is still, so many people who are probably still keeping track of their eligibility in the back of their mind. They're like, how old are you? Were you born in 92? I was like, I was born a few years before that. Uh-huh.

Okay, full disclosure, born in the 80s. They're like, get the fuck out. And finally, trending, Ben Simmons 3. Ben Simmons. Ben Simmons. This is the most upvoted post on our NBA right now. Possibly. Right now.

Could be of all time. On pace. Could be the highest rated post. It's condescending. Look, the person who submitted the first time he hit a three, which was in the preseason, was like a Celtics fan. It was like, are the Celtics. You mean you like a Celtics fan or it was like are this are the Celtics you mean you slash the Celtics you that would be a user okay you're just I know you're learning red it's still you

got to learn the lingo so I think he was www.theseltics.com.reddit.creepthoughts.blogspot.net but yeah so I mean it's passive-aggressive Simmons has never, the only threes he's taken are like last second heaves, but he's not a good shooter. Well, yeah, that's not his bread and butter. Not his bread and butter. He's a 6'10 point guard who's a great passer. And the way that people responded to the idea of him being able to shoot threes. Well, it's very patronizing because I get it. He's a big man hitting a three.

It was like when Shaq hit that one three, people were like, oh my goodness. Right. But people weren't like, nobody said that like Shaq should shoot threes. He just did it as a goof. People think Ben Simmons, because he's athletic and a perimeter player. It's like Jason Kidd when he first came in the league and they called him Eason because he was missing a J.

Oh boy. He's just a great point guard, great passer, great at getting to the rack, but not a great shooter. People are like, come on, dude. Why don't you shoot three? Develop that part of your game, bro. Shoot three, bro. Do you think he should be shooting more, Ben Simmons?

I think he's good at what he does, man. Yeah, keep it simple. Yeah. But anyways, I do want to play the audio of him hitting a three in the first quarter of the Sixers game against the Knicks. This is condescending. Nelokina, a below average three-point shooter. There's Simmons.

Yes! He did it! Ben Simmons! Hold the bat, Ben! Maybe now he'll finally leave him alone after that. And he hits the three, his first in his NBA career. Wow. That was like those videos where the equipment manager,

they let him get one look at the end of the season. And they're were like the equipment manager like they let him get one look at the end of the season and they're like the equipment manager hit the three there's a yeah so good fuck you man uh guy who was just freaking out about that but that's like the home team that's the home crowd uh the home announcer uh wait why are you upset because if i was simmons i i was saying that on behalf of ben simmons if i was simmons i i was saying that on behalf of ben simmons hey fuck you guys like i have that but just shut the fuck up that's not my name yes exactly oh look at you being a little protective a little protective of ben um hey was he half australian or he's fully australian he was born in australia but he's american uh i mean

he lives in america his dad was i believe believe, an American who played professional ball in Australia. All right, Bean. He was raised in Australia and has a little Aussie accent. Yeah, right. Yeah. So that's people condescendingly upvoting that on Reddit and are condescendingly cheering really loudly for him. The really weird thing is that his teammate, Joel Embiid, was also, like, cheering. Like, when he hit the three in preseason, he was like,

ah, he did it. And it was a little, I don't know. If I was Ben Simmons, I'd be like, all right. Yeah, I get it, and I see it. Yeah, yeah. Do you see a little bit of Ben Simmons in you? Is that why you kind of get like this? You're like, you know what?

Exactly. That's me right there. Well, I did have a terrible jumper. The only difference being that I had a terrible rest of my game where it was really great basketball. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Hell, yeah.

Hell, yeah, pimp. Okay. Well, shout out to Ramen King for the title of today's episode. One if by land, two if by zeit. Or one if by day, two if by night. Zeit. Zeit. Look, we need to eat, y'all.

This is what happens. We're literally in this lab grinding out all these podcast episodes. But you know what? The wheels are not going to come off. Never. We just put on new Pirellis. And they're Z-rated. Because we're a sled.

Yeah. We're a sled of a show. All right, we gotta go. Are you Miles or are you Jack? I'm Dan. Okay, good night. Love you. Bye-bye.

And good luck.