The Daily Zeitgeist - Pocket Full Of Billies

Episode Date: February 3, 2026

This week it’s all about the power of Billies, a resurgent United, wild speculation about Pep’s divorce and Joao Pedro’s heart!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's Crystal Night and the mood is right. Gonna have some fun. Three points are one TGIC. Thank God it's crystals. Exactly. Shout out to the fucking crystals. Shout out to the minerals of the earth that imbue the team with power. Anyway, it's match week 24 in the Premier League.

And it's time to go around the table. Chris Martin, just go. I don't even need a word count. Just go. Get you. Get your seat. some billies, yeah? Get yourself some Billy crystals,

lads. Come on. You saw what they did. You saw what they did. Billies. Love that cockney. Get yourself some billies. Make your pocket full of billies, yeah?

Three points guaranteed. How do we make the LA girl thing a bit more laddie? Get yourself some billies. Oh, some billies, man. Oh, man. When you text us that you were rubbing the crystals midgame, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. My son came down and was like, Daddy, what are those?

I'm like, just touch them. Billy's, man. Just touched them. Hell yeah. Fuck, yeah. Extra detail was someone who, I forget, whoever on Blue Sky messaged you saying that you caused Doggoo, you activated Dorgoo? Oh, yeah, Clayton.

We have the sound effect if you activate. Oh, you mean activating Dorgoo? Allow me, hold on, because shout out to the super producer, Brian, the editor for this one where to fuck? Hold on. It's, was it Dog who activated? Thank you. Dog who. Well, after bringing the crystals on, we managed to I managed to deactivate Dorgo.

He's injured. Degovated. Yeah. Damn, Billies, bro. That's a fucking, man. Shout out to you for that one. That's clutch. We need, this is the kind of shit people really need to realize is the fucking genius part of this.

Obviously, we're saying next level things about football. But it's the fucking banter, man. It's calling Crystal's billies now. That shit is dope. I'm telling you, man. I love that. I'm already like another level in.

I got a pocketful of copies of my giant or whatever, you know, just thinking of Billy Crystal credits I can pull out. Right, right, right. Oh, my God. What was the one where he played the, oh, forget Paris? Was that when he played the NBA ref? For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Running scared. Yeah. We're like dancing around his most famous films. Of course. What is most obscure films? Anyway, Jamel Johnson, your feelings, your thoughts, your emotions. You know what came to my mind? Chateau 39.

You know the bowling alley in Korea Town? No, well, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a bowling alley in Korea Town. It's huge. And just this week, I totally forgot how fun it is to watch Premier League football. Oh, and that little bar? Kind of like, but no, like literally like going bowling. You know, when you go bowling, I go bowling so little.

Oh, right. Okay, right. Every time I go, I forget how fun it is. And every time I go, it's a fucking blast. Also, a thing to remember, we call it Shadow Lanes. And you think it's like, C-H-H-A-T-O. But it's just S-H-A-T-O. Shadow.

It's Shato. It's the quickest way I'm saying Shat-S. That's the thing for, I think, for, I just want L.A., people to know that's just the funny part about Chateau Lanes is it's spelled S-H-A-T-O. Shatt-L-L-Lan. Long story short, week 24 was a goddamn blast. I forgot how funny this shit was. Yeah.

And there might have been some people active in solicitation. I feel like that also happens in the Premier League. It's a lot of parallels. Can I just say, not to pull a part of your analogy, but bowling, I will say. You're about to pull it apart. I'm going to pull it apart. I'm going to pluck a few feathers off it. When you go bowling, you're like, I forgot how fun this is.

For two games, let's play a third game, that's one game too many. But the difference of this weekend is every game is, I thought the city Tottenham game was going to be one game. I was going to be the third game. This is the last too many. I throw out my arm a little bit. You know, the rental shoes are getting a little ready.

You start trying to do the spin thing. Like, you're taking it a little foot. Look at your release point, man. That's why it's going in the gutter. It's like a 57-year-old virgin. Just one of those guys. I've been doing this my whole life.

No, those guys, fuck. Okay, they do. I hope if you're bowling a perfect... Those fingers can do stuff. Hell yeah. In the 70s? Because that was probably a way They're like, he, look, he avoided the draft.

He's going to 280. Yeah. He avoided the Vietnam draft and he bowled a perfect game. That's a great way to get ass in the 70s. These days, I don't know. Yeah. Well, I guess maybe I'm basing that off a kingpin, in which I'd like to believe that is 100. Yeah, I, you're telling me if you went on someone's daying profile,

and the first thing it said is, I've scored 280. You wouldn't be a little bit, you wouldn't be a 50%. I might get a little wet on that. Okay. Yeah, a little wet. As a man, I would shrink in the presence of a minute. man like that because their prowess is so obvious, as that may say. Me and Jimavis is a bit more confident ourselves in you.

Yeah, yeah. You know what it is? I fucking suck at bowling. That's what I, bro. The only time I've played really good at bowling is when I've abused Xanax. Oh, okay. Okay. Loosing up the muscles a little.

Something. I think I might be so anxious. I'm like, man, I fucking suck. That's what I say every time I'll roll the ball. That's probably my first problem. Yeah, for sure. Get the bumpers up, mate. Come on.

The bumpers. I go, I still, I'm going to talk about it. Bumpkus in the little metal thing down the middle. Which is literally how this season is going for us. They're putting up the guard.

They will keep blowing points. But we're moving forward. We're moving forward. And hey, guess what? Sorry, we've removed the guards, the bumpers for the other matches, but it is what it is. People are getting freaking out,

you know, like freaking out, getting a little too upset about their. Du Jiao Pedro, Traoree. Yeah. In comparison. You know, when somebody throws a gun,

ball and then they like, your friend's girlfriend gets really mad that she threw a gutter ball. I'm like, damn, I just met her. I don't know how to respond to this. Why are we having like marital arguments already? Anyway, let's get into it. So the last match we all watched and really had our eye on was the Spurs City match. That's where City was hosting Spurs. Usually a place where teams go to walk away with a complimentary three points with every stay at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium.

They started off. Man City looked fucking, I was like, here we go, bro. 11 minute turkey just wasn't even fucking trying. I was like, what the fuck? I started getting angry. I'm like, come on, Spurs. You guys no better than this shit. Easy-ass goal.

Semenio, another fucking goal. And I was thinking, I'm like, this would be funny if he scored another winner against them. But for a second, it may have been. But then the second half comes, and it's a completely different story. Like, this was like the yin and yang match where they were like, yeah, we'll be our best and worst selves in opposite tabs, and then we'll just have a draw. It was, um, it was a weird get.

I was watching it. I watched the first half fully and I was like, I was like this, I, I think I was texting ago, I thought Frank was going to get sacked at half time. It was so bad. It was so bad. And even though, like, I remember which, I don't know what the co-commentator was on the American, on YouTube TV or whatever, but like, Dona Ruma clipped a ball out to a player.

And he just started laughing at how bad the press was from Sonner. He just started laughing. He just started laughing and going, and then the main commentator was like, people say, Donnarum is not good with it. And he just laughed and he was like, mate, you could have done that. He was like, you could have done that to the other commentary. That's how bad they were. Was it Lee Hendry maybe?

It might have been Lee Hendry. It was so bad. And then I was, in my heads, I was texting you guys. I was like, I was going, you know, he's like eternally hopeful. I was like, maybe they'll, Tottenham can't be this bad. And I know Mancy have been bad in second half. And only sort of the stat, they haven't scored a goal in the second half. In the second half of a game this year.

Yeah. Which is crazy. And then, so then we've got to talk about the first slanky goal, though, because that, that, that, this caused Rodry to have an absolute meltdown. I love, I love the sudden, uh, upstanding citizen of the Premier League, fucking Rodry. Yeah. Talking about people are getting away.

Where are the rules being? Sch, man, bro, you, you, you could have been fucking sent off in this match if Gordiola was like, bro, get his ass off the fucking field. I know. Because he had head loss within that first match. half already somehow. Do you think that was a foul, though? I mean, you can't kick through the man like that.

It's a foul. Yeah, but guess what? Fuck, no. I mean, look, I'm telling you to the camera, that shit is a foul. However, where I'm at, that's the cleanest fucking goal I've ever seen. That's one of those ones, they didn't call it because it was in the box.

They're like, come on. It's spurs haven't done anything all day. We've got to give them one. It was a little bit of a charity case job, that was me. I was surprised because I was looking And I was like, because it went through a VAR review, right? Wasn't that they going to go to VAR review? They did, yeah.

Yeah. I don't think they stopped. They didn't hit the box, but they said on the broadcast. They were waiting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, ooh, maybe, but thank fuck for that. Again, thank God it's crystals. Because I also.

You were rubbing the crystals when that happened, weren't you? Do you know what? The crystals, after you remember, you, you just sort of carry them with you all times mentally. So that's what I was going to. Yeah, we got to change the rules to adapt to our lifestyle. You know what I mean? They were like, well, they say you should be, but. my beliefs are that once you do activate them,

they're activated for the match week. Yeah, that's the whole weekend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, so then the second goal. Oh, my God. I got to give it up to you, Dominic, a fellow gooner. Jesus.

How was that the first thing that comes out after? Of course it is. Of course it is. Thomas Franks is silver member. Yeah. And Dominic Selanky is. What's the way they sing the top of his Franks a silver member? It's, it's, uh, Arsenal fans are on a bend.

Oh, The Sprax of a Silver member. Yeah. So, yeah, that goal was, I mean, it's definitely Giroud-esque. I still think Olivier is the cleaner. Oh, for sure. Because he fully flipped his foot all the way back. And it's off a full back-to-front move to J-Rood goal.

But in the context of this game was just like, oh, my God. What a goal. Yeah. But also Tottenham, so this would have to give Tottenham props. And Romero is injured at halftime. Right. So they're back four. Archie Gray,

Ragerson, just, you know, Terry Silver from karate kids. How do they still fucking have that? He just rocks up at the back. And then they've got, who else are they got any,

they've got O'Doggy? They lost Van der Vendavent before the game. So it was Archie Gray and Hu? And Paulinia. Oh yeah, Paulinia went into the back. And then they just demolished City in that half. And City are lucky not to lose.

And it's like, it's crazy. It just shows that. Thomas Frank doesn't want, he wants to stay in power to lose to Arsenal about three weeks time. Yeah. They had six, city had 61% of the possession in that match. And I mean, look, like, so what, City spent 84 million

pounds on Gahey and Semenio. Mm-hmm. And they're still I mean, I mean, Semenio looks good. And Gahey looks fine. It's funny, you say, though, I was reading some Manned City fans online. They do not raise Semenia. They don't. No, I think... He's scored in every game he's played it. Yeah, but I don't,

I mean, I wasn't watching him, because he he doesn't like... He overcooked the back flip for sure. I think he doesn't I think he can do he's a moments player is what I'm guessing. He's kind of, he's more of a on the break player and moments player,

but I mean, I think honestly, if I was a city supporter, I would be mad at Gahy and Simeno too because you're so, the flow of what a season looks like, it's like, you're like, come on now Premier League,

do the thing where we fucking start roaring back because we spent 100 million pounds in January. Yeah, like, this shit ain't working. Hey, hey, like a, I don't like a, this show.

I want it. Like, which is why, man, it's the same shit I hear also with all the fucking Arsenal hatred. It's like based off

this weird idea of how the league is supposed to work and when it doesn't happen that way, it's fucking stupid. Anyway, but yeah, again, they've spent a ton.

I think the biggest data point for me is also that fucking Holland couldn't even score against this Spurs team. I was like, bro, you're, okay.

One goal all year? I had a whole thing written down. I was going to say about Erling Holland, but because I know I've learned okay. I do not want to have a new drop that's like Holland.

Yeah, you can't do that. So I'm not going to say shit. Aside from pointing out straight facts is that he did not score that he did not score in this game. I'm so scared to be opinionated. You're just giving the stats. What's about this motherfucker? Because I mean, I feel like so much of them stagnating too is like the amount of times he just misfired or hasn't been able to find the goal. Although there's, I think, problems front to back.

But I feel like without Holland scoring, you're definitely, you're missing a huge part of like. what makes. If he doesn't score, then you're like, he's not there for the buildup. He's not there for, he's, he's just a lump. Yeah.

You have to accommodate it. He's, you know, him and Victor, they were comparing, he's definitely a hundred times better than Vita Gokreys, in my opinion. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. Um, who actually described Victor to Michael O'Brien. I said, it's like someone put, um, legs on a safe. That's what Gokores looks like,

doesn't he? Just someone put legs on a safe and may entourage. Yeah, yeah, um, dense torso. Yeah, very dense.

But, um, Or so activated. They have the similar. Hopefully I've activated Victor even more. But they have a similar thing where if they're not scoring a goal, you're like, it's painful to watch them.

Harland has got better at the Linkup play. But yeah, again, City, I was just reading some city fans getting upset. He upset him, Simeno. None of it's working. Some of them blaming Pep, Linders. I heard, I definitely tuned in to hear the most menten.

emotionally unwell people in the UK call in to talk sport. And yeah, there was a lot of people beginning to be like, they just don't believe in PEP anymore. And I'm like, guys. Jesus, man. I mean, sure. But also, like, come on, bro. Like, this, give the man some respect for being able to take these clubs

that have unlimited budgets and play it like it's football manager and win every time. I know. It's the away kids for me. You come out there dressed like New Zealand. What the fuck you think is going to happen? It's confusing. Yeah. It is confusing.

confusing. That's not city. Oh, just having that the murdered out all black. Yeah, just black and, well, they're doing silver. It's a little raiders. Is it Manchester United against Southampton in 96 or 7

where they changed their wake at half time? Oh, right. They were losing three one a half time, and they won five three. Right. But I don't think they let them do that anymore. Interesting other thing is, too, like of the starters in that match,

Holland, Bernardo, Sylvan, Roderie are the only starters that played in that treble winning side. Like, there's a lot. There's so much, is so different, even like right now. And I'm like, yeah, I guess this is what it's going to be. The Rodry, though, of it all, I think maybe we should check in,

because there was a bit of head loss, as it were. He was trying to get kicked out. He was moaning, honey. What's going on, Rodry? Why are you doing that? Why? Why are you whining, babe? Let me hear you.

Let me just hear from your side, baby. Let me hear you. This is so clear, the father. He kicked the leg. And then as to the push of the action and the ball, the ball gets in. And we have to pay attention of these little things. Otherwise, it's going to be difficult for everyone because this league is like this. It's about small leaders and everything counts.

So I think today is a very tough day for us in this sense. As you say, everything does count. How damaging could this result be for the title race? It's not damaging. Sounds damaging. We'll win. But we go farther. from this.

We wanted to win. We're still going to, you know, put the arms down. We're going to keep fighting anti-D-Dem because this is our identity. But the reality is we need to be fed in these situations. Shut the fuck. Don't city have a couple of reps on the payroll? Yeah.

Yeah. Don't tell you up at 150 inch. There needs to be, man, shut the fuck up. Didn't they give him a shell company? Didn't they have a? You have to have that. It's not even his real name. He's because of fake identity.

Yeah, that's a DBA. Yeah. Doing business as, Roger. I gave him a fake birth certificate and all type of shit. What is Brian talking about? Yeah, man. I was established. I'm sorry, I was born in, uh, fuck.

What the fuck? Rodrigo Limited. Yeah. Get the hell out of here. Anyway, uh, look, I get it. Keep moaning. Cry harder. Can I ask you guys one thing, though, before the game?

Thomas Frank was asked. A lot of Spurs fans. There's talk online. They're like, they wanted them to lose the game so they don't. Help Arsenal a title race. Perfect. And this is my one advice to Sonham fans. Until you stop being Arsenal's inferior rivals, you will continue to be.

We can't be. The laughing stock of the Premier League. If your mentality is to stop someone else winning the league because you're so crap, you're going to be crap forever. You've got to not care. Even like the most basic Buddhist teachings would tell you, to let go of this animosity for. some external thing or else you will never experience internal peace.

Exactly. And they weren't even happy with the result. Crowd's leaving. So like he's on a brace. He's sort of scorpion kick. What the fuck else do you want from these guys? They took off. They took off.

They need to get himself some. You sat there at worst. Get some bellies. But you know what's funny though, too? Rob them. The same. Relax. A lot of people were saying both in the buildup too, they were calling in.

They're like, you know, even expressions. That guy was like, yeah, bro, I don't give a shit. We should lose. because these other, they still think, because this is what's funny, they are still, they're fourth in the Champions League. You know what I mean? Yeah. So like, a lot of them were like, oh, we're going to win the Champions League.

And, mate, who knows? You know, who knows? Trying to beat city. You are scared of activating. I could tell what you wanted to say. You pulled up a little. You pulled up. May, we've got the crystals now.

Say what you really feel. We've got the billies. Get a billies in. I give you a little. Yeah, man, every Matt Sally, we good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, God. We're good to go. Yeah, yeah, y'all not winning that shit.

Let's be real. For real. Like, it's just so, I mean, because I get it. They had a terrible season last year and won the Europa League. And they're like, I mean, what's stopping us now? That would be hilarious, though, if they got relegated and won the Champions League somehow. No, that would be funny. All right, here we go.

Moving on. Not activating any door goose. Everybody rub your billies. Just a little bit tighter tonight. One last thing. Pep's still in the middle of a divorce. Oh, really? I mean, sure.

Are you his lawyer? I just got a feeling. Emotionally. Yeah, exactly. I'm in his emotional lawyer. You know there's some tremors, all right? Everybody's like, what's going on? That guy is still actively divorced, all right?

Yeah. Is he have to give half of this stuff? Oh, yeah, bro. That's his rib. Yeah, he's his rib. He's hurt. This is a three-year process. So his partner was with, they've been together for 30 years.

Come on, man. She knows where all the bodies is. Not married, just girlfriend, boyfriend, boyfriends. But married for 10. Oh, okay. Married for 10, but have been together for 30 years. Apparently, his wife has reported left their family home after the Man City Manager's contract extension broke their promise of a new life abroad.

See? Yo. He was like, yo, I'm going to leave. And then they get, he signs the extension. Promise me, PEP. I don't want to fucking live up here no more. Okay. I'm telling you, babe.

This is it. This is it. What the fuck am I? in, Pap, did you going to fucking stay in? Look. Go on, dog. He was crying all last year. He was outside in the rain, no code on.

Yeah. Like an R&B video. What we're saying is the tapas options in Manchester are going to lead to Arsenal winning the Premier League. And that's amazing. Yeah. There's no, that must be hard. How do you, I can't, I can't imagine this, the sheer admin of having,

just not even the sort of emotional stress. He's so many forms you've got to fill in. There's no way he's paying attention to how good Semeno's pauser is. if he's going to like fill in like a whole like back history of him and his wife. He's like at training, watching, but he got the thousand yards there. He's like, what was my last 10 addresses? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he doesn't just like that part of the private Ryan or Tom Hanks.

How many countries I've been to last. What was that apartment? Go a, Mr. Mr. Uh, huh. For real, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? Huh?

He is not for me there, dog. That's good. That's good. Yeah. That's good. my wife, guys. Oh, God. My fucking, my rib.

That rib. Wow. That'll hurt. And you also know, like, I mean, again, I don't know what their relationship is, but I'd imagine for him being a professional athlete, he was probably relying on his partner a lot. For like the most basic shit. So his house is probably a mess.

There's fucking flies everywhere. Pizza boxes everywhere. You don't know where the detergent is? No, he's been washing it with dish soap. He put a couple squirts of dish soap in the washing machine. And then that shit bubbles over And he's fucking stressed out So he beat the shit out of the washing machine

With a cricket bat His fridge is gonna be depressing Oh yeah It's either empty or just stella Four things of baking soda Stack next to each other Oh I'm also picturing like food And various levels of decay also

You can't even see I'm more thinking like it's just cheese and beer Just in the fridge Yeah Mancego? Yeah I hate to do this I hate to do it too bro yeah It's a lot of hamone

Yeah A lot of Chicago town pieces in the freezer. Chicago Yeah, there are a tiny microwavable pizza in the UK.

What is it about Chicago Town? Chicago Town? Chicago Town. Okay. I went as a teenager after I'd have a few beers. I'd go to the local

pizza garage, the local petrol station. Me and my mates to get Chicago Town Pizza. What was cool about it is you take it out as just a tiny pizza

but then you'd have it on a little cardboard box that you'd turn the other way and make a little stand out of so you were like, you were like, I'm Gordon Ramsey.

Yeah, I don't know. I'm creative. a thing and putting it in the microwave. Oh, this is for the UK. I'm like, this might be, yeah, this is such a UK thing. Okay. Pep coming home, still wet in his, in his sweater.

Oh, yeah. Microwaving a pizza. And you know, there's just a stain on the couch because he sits in the same spot every day, not giving a fun, man. Can you imagine, bro, he coming to his hair all grown out? And, you know, because when you're bald, you got to take care of that shit because it'll look, you'll look fucked up real quick. Yeah.

I'm sorry. Exactly And I bet Pepb His assistant's like Hey Pep Come on Let me get you in the chair

Bro Partly he got He hired Pep Because he's good at He's good at He's good at He's good at He's good at

He's good at shabbing heads Yeah Right He's like I need a guy He can use a pair of clippers Yeah Next to me He's just like this

Again Thousand Yards there Getting his head shave Come on now We got a match It's the Manchester Derby boss Yeah

Okay Manchester's there United Yeah It's pretty good Yeah That's a pretty good And this Mr. has piss all over his pants, man.

Not doing anything. I love it. That's a very in-depth analysis about where Manchester City are failing. Yeah. Guys. Now have a podcast, guys. Who just gave you a run like that? Come on, dog.

Fuck out of here. Come on now. Let's move on. Let's move on up the table. Leads Nill, Arsenal. Four. Let me be honest, man. Yeah.

I was born here being real positive. last week. Yeah. But by the end of the day, I was like, if Brennan Harrison scores in this game, there were some moments where I'm defecting from the union. Wow. I'm renouncing my citizenship.

There you go. You know what I'm saying? Way to be a Virginian. I'm buying the Kevlar vest. I'm going straight to it. You know what I'm done with this. Harper's Ferry. Yeah.

Yeah. It's time. I'm going out tea party style for real stuff. Yeah. You worried about that guy? I mean, for a second. There were a couple of months. There were a couple of moments where he was, I was like,

he's hustling. I don't like this. This guy's hustling. He's trying too hard. Yeah, yeah. I was very worried until the game started. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then I was like, bro, this guy has no touch. Leeds were, for 20 minutes, they were actually, you know, they had the home crowd, and I thought their press was pretty aggressive and a physical and stuff. And then the, uh, a few corners, the set pieces came. Once the corner started coming, the crowd just like was dying.

You can hear the volume turning down every corner. She was amazing. Do you count the first one as a set piece goal? because it was from a second or third phase. Yeah, no, not really. I mean, it's a lovely, lovely. I'm dying to call anything free play. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For the sake of saying it was absolutely. That was 100% free play. No, to me it felt like that too, because at that point, like, I mean, although we're so well drilled, I wouldn't doubt that we have second and third phase contingency plans for all that. Yeah, you didn't have, you never know. Yeah. We have matches where we're, guys, there's one scenario, guys, from one corner kick, the ball is still constantly and play in the box

77 minutes, guys. You never not? I don't know, bro. He's kind of fucked up. But also, shout out to Maddewakee. Yeah. Maddo wakey wakey. He worked up for this game. Yeah. He was like I said, like I said, never looked more like your fucking name,

no one? You did it. You did it. And guess what? Activation. Exactly. What's that? Dog who activated. Mm-hmm. I'm personally delighted that the second goal, I was in a different WhatsApp group. from you guys. Oh, what the fuck?

Sorry, I'm cheating on you. And, I appreciate your arms. One of the guys is very, well, hold on, who's in this group, bro?

A lot of, a lot of Scottish people actually. My house, take it easy. He can have another group, no. How long have you been with them? They're all white. It's my white group.

Okay. Okay. How are we getting to. Yeah, judgment. Free zones. It's my white group. It's my wife.

That's how you go, you're running to them. Mm. When they get too hot. I prefer our group. I prefer people who I don't have to explain my jokes to. Okay, so you're in the other WhatsApp. I only have one.

And one of the guys, I go, that's going to be, that should be Maddueko's goal. There's one off the corner. Oh, the Olympic go, yeah, yeah, yeah. I say it's his goal. And then they all go, you're insane. They laugh at me actively. Because, you know, obviously the goalie gets a sizable amount of his hand on the ball. but I was like,

but it's a shot on talk, you can't, you have to give that. Every publication said own goal, Darlo own goal. Next day, one of the, dubious goals panel.

No, dubious goals panel, put it in there. Here's my written apology to Chris. I've written apology from Ryan Cullen. Let's go. And, you know,

that's the main takeaway from the result for Arsenal football club. Someone had to apologize to me in a WhatsApp group. Yeah, exactly. Thank you, crystals. Hell, do crystals are working over time.

They're doing different things. things. Yeah. That, the Victor Yacra's goal, not bad. Hey, he's starting to get on the end of those. You know what I mean? First time all year, he gets on the end of one of those crosses. He's doing the thing that he's supposed to do, which is be safe of legs.

You just bully someone. Yeah. Like, he is the least aesthetically pleasing player I've ever seen play for Arsenal. He is so clever. It's like a person from Roblox. Yeah. That's a reference I've heard, and I don't even know what that game is. It's like a very polygonal figure.

It's like digital legoes. Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Minecraft. Yeah. Minecraft. Yeah. But no, he just, he looks, he looks, he looks ridiculous.

That's, we should laugh at. He's built like, that middle finger that the ice guys are chasing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. He's kind of built like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's, if you're going to be not good first touch, not look good, at least be just a massive beefcake who pushes people out of the way and gets on the ears.

Great cross by Martinelli. That felt like, that was like, okay, see, now we're starting to see goals that look like the mixtape I would watch. Right. The welcome to Arsenal, Yonra's compilations. I was like, where the fuck are these goals at? You're getting the girl you saw on the dating profile. Exactly. Like she looks on the dating profile.

Exactly. Just took a little time, man. Not on her jam jams. I think the other thing, too, is the, since the Champions League match, we've, you know, when Odegaard didn't start, or wait, did he start there? He didn't start this match. No, he didn't start this match. He didn't start against Kaira either. Yeah, yeah, that we've, and also we were playing a lot more, like we were saying, just you guys have the skill to play some of these balls.

And once they started doing it, I'm like, okay, there's a chance creation. I mean, Kyra, sure, might not be the best example. But even in this match, too, we just, it felt, it felt different, like energetically different, which is the thing I was like, thank God, because y'all look really up for it. Rather than, like, when it used to be like, we're doing the same thing we've always done. How come it's not working is kind of like sort of energetically what it felt like watching this, with the squad the last few matches. But Kairat and then Leeds felt like, okay, no, no, no.

Like we're now, we are now the, what would, Artiello I say, the protagonist, guys. We have to be the protagonists. And we seem like the protagonist. Haverts in the midfield. Yeah.

So showing some physicality. Midfield, but also at times playing next to Victor. So because they play a 4-4-2 leads, right? So it was two-four. It was very old-school game. Yeah. In a good way, physical 4-4-2.

And I will say that I think leads, because they actually try. to play, helped us. Anytime you ever try and play against Arsenal. Yeah, pretty much.

Actually got a chance. If you sit back, though, that's the krypton night to Arsenal and, yeah, it proved. You play against us, lose 4-0. Yeah.

They tried to, try to, but yeah, Havert's, weirdly, I love Havert's. It's a lot of hate, but I think people now have seen how good he is

in his absence. But the stats way, like, didn't really touch the ball that much or past so much. But his just, his like energy or his movement or something.

It just, it was the right thing. It's just like, He's making the right runs. He's playing the right passes. But yeah, was it truly like the kind of end-pril? Like it wasn't an assist or goal in this match, sure. But it's, but I think he, like, I think I heard a stat on maybe he was asked.

I think he completed five of nine passes, which is so funny. Because I watched the game as like, he's making a huge difference. Wow. But it's like, he's just the energy or the vibe of him there made a big difference versus stats. Okay, well, maybe I don't know shit. Well, that's also. Yeah, that's also. We should never discount that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We should never discount that. What the fuck I'm talking about. You were correct, though. He didn't get a goal or an assist. So how do you get that analysis, apart from reading the scoreline? I'm looking.

I don't see a soccer ball or a. Yeah, exactly. I actually didn't watch the match, man. That's crazy. So we look good. Yeah, yeah, we do look good. We kick the ball hard and the goals. We kick ball hard.

And then Gabby J-Zuse coming on and Odegaard too with a cameo. And, God, thank God. That goal was beautiful. His hardest chance. Yeah, of course. That's very Jay-Z's. Yeah. Just,

when he doesn't have any time to think about the shot, he's pretty good at finishing. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, instinct. The header, he, like, saw it for a while, and, you know, still a decent header, but, say, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Looking good, is what I'm going to say. Looking good. Feeling good. Sunnanda home next in the league, but after Chelsea. But then, no granite shacker. So I think, yeah, this was a big test for us just on the basis of the last couple of results. Had it won in three games. Yeah, and Leeds has been a fucking, you don't want to go to Ellen Road.

Like, that's been a place to go for. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then I think next week, City at Anfield is their test. Because if they get through that, because they haven't won an Anfield in a minute, I don't think. I'm very curious to see how that goes. Because if they win there, I'm like, okay, no, this shit is still cooking.

Not to say it to be over if they don't, but. But I'll feel better if they lose in Anfield. But part of me just feels like that's one of those mental tests. So you had to be like, okay, bro, if they're doing that shit, we got to really keep going to. They're going to lose to Liverpool. I don't mean he's a bold prediction. I think Liverpool are going to win. I mean, the way they're fucking playing?

God damn. Well, it's funny, they hadn't won in like five games until this game against Newcastle. But that's a heck of TK. They're cooking. They're doing it. One thing I just want to say, just in terms of, like what people on the internet are saying. I don't know. Did you see Paul Skulls with his dumb fucking?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He said it's going to be the, this would be the worst title winners ever in the, in Premier League history if Arsenal win this. They're like, lies. And he's like, the front four aren't good enough, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, okay, that's fair. For like how good we need people like Saka and Yacquerez and et cetera to beat, that's fair. They are not playing up to snuff.

But we're still getting the fucking results. So I'm what the fuck you're talking about. Saka, does anybody, any report on how long he's out? Apparently it's a small injury, according to Mikhail Alcetta, famously accurate of his injury news. Marino, on the other hand. Oh, that's a big loss? RIP. Yeah, we're looking at Tanali, basically.

I saw that. But it's like his agent, like a scumbag, he wants some Shandro Tanali, bro? Yeah, yeah. And they're like, have you talked to Newcastle? They're like, nah, bro. What cares, bro? It'll only be $100 million.

Yeah, come on, bro. Just pay it to me on the side, bro. He'll be there fucking tonight, dog. What the fuck? I like, I want all agents to sound like, yeah, you know what I mean? I'm like, yo, who the fucking, I'm fucking ancient, bro? This fucking, what are you fucking doing, dog? His mom boss, Asian.

Why are you sweating? I'm not sweating, bro. It's freaking raining out here. You ever been the fucking tineside, bro? Freaking Jordy's the way they talk to fucking spitting on you, like freaking junkies and shit, bro. Saying a fucking Y-I? What the fuck is that, bro? You're like a, you're like a creepy guy in Whoframe Roger Rabbit.

That's the vibe. Yeah. They're like, why does he know this shit? Also, he's a heroin addict, but he's been to tiny, what the fuck? I remember when it was like the Gn-E-R, bro. Remember that shit? What I was about to say? The Great Northeast Railway.

Starbucks distractions. Oh, right. Marino being gone, I feel like the Carabal Cup is in trouble. Like, that was his game, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was going to be starting midfield. It'll be interesting. That's the thing.

It's going to be most more stress on rice and Zubimendi because there's not really nor God he's not really trusting to jump in so he's gonna have to try as his might get some more his Scandinavian ass is being he's just like I'm loving it here

yeah I love it here they're like hey man you're not playing it I love it here bro he's a model professional I'm like they always say he's a model professional yeah he's like

plays like three minutes every three weeks and he's like he's there cleaning boots and he's organizing the whip round yeah he's cooking the meals yeah after training he's like

headwise right Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Okay, Declan, I'll make your egg whites. Yeah, that must be a weird. You're kind of like the cock of the team on. You're like, he's a guy every day. Every team needs one. It doesn't matter if they don't play, but you need to give it.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't have to be. It's like a hammer, guys. Just does it, you know, but not interesting at all outside of being a hammer, guys. I'm a fucking boring, you know. Christian Nogel is the man. But again, it's just so, it's so funny. Like, so many people keep talking about, they're like,

do guys, like, Arsenal's like, they are fucking bad. they're so boring to watch. And I'm like, bro, as if this is, guess what, as the people that support Arsenal, we're like, this is a fucking ride and I'm enjoying it. It's musty TV. We have to change the lineup every fucking game. But it's like, what else do you want? But I'm like, I could give a fuck less if the results aren't making United supporters

excited. What the fucking like surreal? Why would you be excited? What's the context of that kind of take anyway to be like, well, this other club, that's my rival is also should be playing for my enjoyment. I'm into, which is like, bro, you just, you're coping. It's also not true because Skoles is going to the worst. It's like, the actual league, I think one way of looking at people like, oh, everyone's choking

and Babbs like, there's like, there's like way more good teams than there's ever been. Yeah. Look at the fucking Champions League stand the fucking table right now. Look at all those English teams and tell us this is, this is the same shit when they would be like, back in the day, they would be like, dude, Spain has the strongest league. Look at all of their teams just beating the shit out of everybody up and down. And this is what the, and it's crazy because.

Because, yeah, teams like Spurs are like in the top four. It really is, it's sort of like it reminds me of I went like in junior high, high school. I wasn't that popular in the beginning, you know, until I got my braces off. Went to school for the time. And then I got my hair cut. Right. A lot ton of fences.

But my own dances. My own dances, we wouldn't do it great. But I had a home girl. She would invite me to her all girls school dances. Whoa. That was my champion. Oh my God. I was like, the champion.

They're like, who the fuck is this guy? They're like shining your, shining your braces, checking their hair and your braces. Exactly. I'm like, I'm rapping fucking real slim, shady and shit. It's like, and they fucking knew. And y'all knew. Shout out Marlboro. Shout out Marlboro.

We love you. We love you at Marlboro. I'm the cigarette brand, Marlborough. Yeah, but just big salute. Big salute and the Marlboro man. Also, uh, at Mile Sevens, which is my favorite Japanese brand of cigarette. Um, yeah, but anyway, the talk, the hate. It's more and more fun to watch because, like, you're starting to see some other, like, more level-headed, like, rival supporter, pundit.

People are like, guys, I'm just making peace with the fact that, like, I don't think, I don't know who's going to beat these guys. Like, as they're playing, like, it's truly just up to them to fuck it up. And it's like, is that possible? Sure. But, like, Arsenal fans are looking at it going, we're not capitalizing on the thing. But then every other team must be like, well, we're not narrowing the gap. Yeah. From their point.

So I think this next weekend will be my prediction is a gap extended. Nine pointer. Okay, fine. Nine pointer? Time is nine. It's going to be more. My prediction will sit. Okay.

We'll take it. We'll take it. Let's take a break. And when we come back, we'll just check in on Mr. Crumbly, Unai, Emery, right after this. You just made me think of your,

like, the ghost that follows Unai around. You're so crumbly. Look at you. You're like an apple crumble. You're like a Mick Vitty's digestive biscuit. You're like a country valley nature bar. You're like. You're like.

like a cunt. They call them country man. Over there, it's nature man. That's a good term. What the fuck? Well, you stumbled on country valley, so I just said, fuck it. And then my next one is, you're a cunt, mate. Well, I'm just making light-hard, crumbly comparisons.

You're dropping the C-bomb over there. You're the rude ghost. Yeah, it's funny. I'm the nice, cheeky ghost. It's the most fun to say in the context when you're talking about like a Brit. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because when you say cunt in a serious way in America,

bro, you look unhinged. You know what I mean? But like, oh, you fucking con. Then you're like, hell yeah, bro. That shit hit way different. So you're saying it's inspiring for you and I? When you whisper that? I don't know.

It's up to him. All I know is I'm inspired to say that. And I'm like, I can picture him. Every cutaway from the game to a shot of him on the sideline, yeah. He'd seem like a ghost was chastising. Haunting him. In his head, he was like.

And he's quite vampiric himself. Yeah. Do vampires and ghosts get on? I don't know. I mean, our vampires ghosts. Well, that's a debate for next week.

Fantasy showdown. Find us on Ain't It Foothy. Our vampires ghosts. They got to get on. They just pasty humans. It's got to be similar to like a black and Korean relationship. You know what I'm saying? Go on.

Somebody's running a corner store and somebody's going to the corner store. Oh. I think they work together like this. I don't know if it's necessarily love all the time. Yeah. But they're going to see each other. And they will have a child that looks like future. The future of an ethnically ambiguous earth.

Yeah, so I don't know. Is there anything else you want to say? Well, in that game was... Well, first off, it's fucking incredible. Villas fucking bottle the fucking bottle makers and fuck themselves. Yeah. Mr. Bottles. You guys went out there and fucking blew it at home.

How's that feel? To put, like, shit in front of everybody. The blue bin, the blue bin in front of bottles, man. Go on, man. Get down a recycling center. It is time to pick up your fucking recycling. There's some bottles laying around. Yeah.

Oh, boy, fucking Brentford's on 10, man. Yeah. Can't do shit with that. Shade sent off for a funny, you don't see it was funny when he's just the head's gone, full kick in the tummy. Studs to the nuts. I thought he got a dick contact. I think you got a little bit of penis, a little bit of peat.

Sent off. Score two minutes later. And then Tammy Abraham, who I completely missed, had signed for them like three days ago. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah. And he used to play for them when the championship. He's a good player, by the way, but he was in, like, Turkey? Was he playing for Buzictas, the way you've gone from?

Anyway, he's starting because Ollie Watkins, I then discovered has, like, a recurring injury they're managing. And then they scored, but it went back so far because the ball was out of play. They were fully off. No, off side. So you see the no one side, and you're like, this is amazing. And then they had a ball out of play for a throw. Leon Bail. trying to keep one in play off his ass.

Yeah. So fucking funny. Oh, my God. First off, salute to Kevin Shadei. The sour is taboo as I have called him already. I can understand why he would do that. In the moment, I'm like, this is fucking stupid. There's so many cameras.

Right. But when you play for Brentford, you've got to be thinking, like, is anybody watching? Oh, damn. Nobody's actually watching me. Let me just tap this guy's dick a little. Let me just tap this guy's dick a little. They're telling them before the game.

Hey, Mike, come on, bro. Don't be doing no dick shit out there again. I was just joking and training, bro. I'm not going to do. I'm not stupid. Some people pay for that. He's German, right? Some people pay for that.

It's great. You want your schwan's to be struck a little bit with my cleat? No. Just a tickle? What the fuck? What happened? What were we talking about? That's right, the Premier League.

But you're right. As I've said, repeatedly on the first, podcast, they're never going to win the league. But any small chance they had to win the league, that is fully gone now. You weren't on that first. I just never bought the Unai, Unai treatment.

Yeah, yeah. The gonzo. Yeah. It's always fun, though, when you have someone just playing out of their minds. They got to try and stay in the top four, which is going to be difficult because of fucking this, this giant that's awokeeth,

Manchester United. My God. Three. Fulham. Two. This was a fucking, this was a match for the neutrals. Truly.

That was a good one. If you need to show somebody a match to get them interested in the sport, I would show them this one. Yeah, yeah. It was a good one. It was back and forth. I'm a huge fan of a 2-0. I mean, they say 2-0 is the most dangerous league in football.

Absolutely. And you think, well, surely it's 1-0, actually. But 2-0 often is. And when it's 2-0 with 10 to go and you get pegged back to 2-all, you're like, but then to pull it out of the fire, yeah, I mean, hats off. It was wild because Fulham had, what, like one goal called back? Like there was a few moments when I was like, damn, you think they're like, maybe that was a gut punch that they thought they had one goal back.

But they kept coming back. The Raul Jimenez's penalty, you asked, how many stutter steps? Yeah, my lord. I literally got, made a cup of tea, had a piss, had a shower. He came back. He's still, he's still, he's like missed like no penalties in the Premier League. Yeah. But the total time that they have taken is the length of a Premier League game.

This guy has, I think, a. I thought they sort of stopped that. You weren't allowed to stop. Yeah. There's like, you can't fully stop stationary, but he's so close to doing that. When I watch,

I'm like, bro, you can't do this, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Check the time. Because they're always like, hey,

no fucking stopping. But he was like, hop, stop, jump. Yeah, he's like, what if I go backwards, though?

Yeah. I didn't stop. It was kind of like in the beginning when like, like, like, they're like, yeah.

Okay. I think, yeah. Okay, that, that does, I'm just not used to seeing. Okay, yeah, that's legal. That's legal.

But then Kevin, how good was Kevin's goal, by the way? Kevin's all fucking Kevin. He's a player. I think I texted you guys a few weeks ago. He doesn't look that good when they were playing. They'd come back against City. And as soon as I texted that, he then, I did the, a doogood in. He said he got so good.

And every time I watch him, he looks legitimately good. But he hadn't really scored many goals, but that was, oh, mate. And it's just fun to say, Kevin. The best of all Brazilian names, Kevin. Kevin, when we saw that match at Qasem, it was our match against Fulham. And I remember just hating on Kevin so hard. How did this name become Brazilian? Do they love Home Alone that much?

Hell yeah. It's got to be. Is Kevin in the Bible? Well, you know, you know, you know, McAllister who plays for Liverpool. His brother is called Kevin McAllister. What the fuck? Because his parents. Alexis McAllister's, Alexis Brothers, McCallery, because they love Home Alone.

Damn. I'm not making up. RIP, Catherine, Harry, while we're here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Canadian Queen. Oh, yes. 100%. They named his brother after Kevin McAllister.

Nuts. Like, which I would hate as a kid. Like, you're naming me after a child who got left at home while you went on a vacation. They kept leaving him at home for fun. They were paying masked bandits to invade their home and scare the hell out of their eight-year-old son. Oh, my God. The away day boys. That's why he's not as good as...

He's not a professional player. Exactly. He's in prison now. Different kind of stress being that first born You're just enough For punching Grown men with

Pugging one of the Wrazy hair Yeah Wet men He's having a lot of Traumatic brain injuries He's in prison For punching wet men

And he's a soggy man He punches him Um Anyway Métés Cunia Looks fucking solid Bro He was doing surfs up

On him again When they went up 2 nil up Yeah And then Cessco Now he scored 4 and 4 Yeah

Him and Gok The two narratives are there But they are both sort of getting into goal scoring form at similar time. I do think SESCO's a better footballer, but he just looks so scared in the face when I see him. Yeah, yeah.

The slenderness. Yeah, he's a bit of shook lad. So I think there's like, I don't know how good his mentality is going to be in the long run, but I mean, that was a serious, that was a serious touch and smash into the goal. Yeah, it was good. Fair play to them. That guy's going to, the sad thing we're saying is that guy's going to cut his hair soon. Man, you found.

We don't want him to cut his hair. We'll see. I'm excited to see what he does with that. honestly. Let's see if Spurs can fuck it up for them next time. Also, first time seeing Michael Carrick's teeth. They win, he smiles. Is he go good ones? You know, he's got little baby teeth. Yeah, because he's always been

like this. Every match he's been very like. You never see his grill. Yeah, he's very serious. Very like Jack Wilcher. He never showed his teeth. He never smiled. And I know why. Yeah. Because he's got the little dolphin teeth. He's got the little baby. He's got the teeth like that little kid who loves clams. You know that video with the little kid who's like, I just love clams. I mean, I'm a clam guy.

I mean, I mean, what? Now I need to see this video. Little kid loves. Clams. I just love clams. Oh, man. Leave this kid alone, bro. He got the same grill as Clam kid.

I know, but that's a little kid, bro. But that's what Michael Carrick, head coach of Manchester United. That's what his team looks like. He's your little kid to clam. I'm a guy who only basically likes clams. Are you telling me that? He got the same exact mouth on.

It looks like his child. It does. Michael Carrick Jr. Clams are awesome. Yeah, he got. Yeah. Okay. I mean, yeah.

I'm into that. Are you like the little teeth? I like that little, I like that little clam boy. What do you, what do you guys call in the UK when you got teeth like that? Little tiny teeth. That's just called British teeth. Just you just said, there's no time. I say you've got the best teeth in Britain.

They're just called teeth. The fuck are we talking about. Oh, them? Teeth. Teeth. Teathe. Teat. They call them teathe, mate.

they call them safe. Well, teeth here is when teeth are together in the U.S. Teeth or is when they have a little bit of freedom to Rome. Then you can call those teeth. They're doing independent study. Yeah, well, that's pretty fresh. That's the difference in teeth and teeth. I discovered from my mom the other day, I went, I was back home.

And I said something about, she's got some, do some dental stuff. And I said, well, she's worried about something. Go, well, it says if you take this drug or whatever, it could do something. But as long as you, you know, you maintain good oral hygiene, just brush your teeth twice a day. She goes, well, I use this toothpaste that's 24-hour protection. I go, how many times a day do you brush your teeth? She goes, just the once. I go, come on, man.

Hey, 24-hour protection, though. I was like, does it mean anything? It's got a little cablard in there. You're 70 years old. You're brushing your teeth once a day. Protecting them. I mean, yeah, look, you're already going uphill with the genetics, right? I know. I was like, come on.

How's she doing with the floss? Is she flossing? She's flossing. I can, once she said once a day, I was like, let's get out to two and we'll go from there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is Martin. Please. Let's not go on to the second and third level here. Let's just get it.

Let's do the basic. Let's do the basic before we start doing attacking patterns. Let's try and keep some goals going in. Yeah, yeah. We don't need to teach these kids positional. No, no, no, no. Let's just hold onto the ball. Hold on to the ball for three passes.

How about y'all stop bunching up around the ball? Done with this bumblebee soccer. Keep a clean shoot. We'll go from there. Carrick should stay? I think you have to keep. Who comes in at this point? those are three fucking good results

city, us, and now this good Fulham side. I mean, the thing you would pause for Thorne, they haven't bought at the back in a while but they have obviously

letting two goals at home to Fulham with 10 to go so they've been bailed out and then two to Arsenal who would, yeah,

but I mean, you know, still a good result away Arsenal. So who's their next game against? I even know. Spurs.

I mean, that's a win, so that's four. And then, I don't know. I mean, I think he's, He seems to be doing, it does make hammer him just look worse.

I know. He looks like a fucking scumbat. It's wild. No wonder he looks so happy when he left that job. It's like, it'd be like some shit like if some dude was playing guitar on stage and sucked at it. And he's like, God, what the fuck is this guitar? Man, this concert's over and puts the guitar down. And there's just some other dude pick up the same guitar and just fucking playing the fuck out of it.

And they're like, bro, wasn't the fucking guitar. You fucking suck. You know when he, uh, how come he's getting a fucking tune out of it? Yeah, I know. It's like him smiling when he left the job. It's full. It's full Kevin Spacey, like no longer limping in usual suspects. Yeah.

My gosh. It's actually the whole time. Mix with something like Horatio would say in CSI Miami in the opening. And he's like, I was just going to say that a three-pointer. Yeah! You know what I mean? They're fucking taking off with 10 million pounds. Hell yeah.

But yeah, no, I think I was saying. I think I said. I think he should. I mean, and I'm not investing in them playing well. But you know what happens, though. When they stay on, they do well. And then they become,

it's that thing. When you no longer become the laughing stalking, he become good, teams set up against you, and then it's like, can he coach them to, right, to beat these things.

But we'll see. We'll see. Hopefully he does well for a bit. It's crazy. It's a job and then fails. Love that. It's wild that for his start of having four or five, it just puts him second to Sir Matt Busby.

Amazing. amazing I hope he stays because I'm seeing like the next five years it's all Arsenal baby and then all of the big teams are back in form

and we're still beating the shit out of them that sounds dope right I'm yeah I love it's so American to be that I just want all the good teams to be bad so I can win it easily yeah yeah I want this to be the worst Premier League ever

I've been every team to get leprosy apart for Martin possible I don't know how we can spread leprosy around but well there are ways. There's some aerosols we can deploy. Guys, guys, guys, guys.

I've been sending complimentary wine to all the teams, guys. No tactic, guys. I've got a new set piece coach, guys. He has leprosy, guys. They're going to sign him because they want to know our secret, guys. I'm going to send a leper, guys. He's in a hazmat suit doing the fucking pregame press conference. Yeah, introducing the new set piece coach.

Guys, I know you say Nicholas Joer is the secret. No, guys, is this guy right? here. Don't worry about my hazmat suit, guys. Yeah, it's fine. And yeah, the smell completely unrelated. But guys, don't worry about what falls off when you shake his hand. Exactly, guys. You got a free bit of fingernail. I mean, wow.

Wow, I haven't seen a leg like that, guys. It's a fall off the bone tender, guys. I think there was, I sell this video, guys, this black guy at a barbecue restaurant, he says, tenderness. That's what this is, guys. You said a tenderness dude to come up to his leopard leg and go, runs off

throws his femur on the ground all right all right this used to be a football podcast um shall we move on

Chelsea yes Westham yes man my goodness my gracious this is the game

of the week for me this is the game of my life I haven't laughed out loud in months that was great man

yeah it felt so good um God but it was fucked up because I remember seeing, so it was my kid's birthday. And I remember Chris, you

showed up, and the last time I saw the score, West Ham was up 2-0. And we were like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Loving it. Then he came back, you're like, bro, they won 3-2. And I was like, the what? But I didn't miss the best thing of, it's funny to have a 3-2 game, and the

biggest talking point is not any of the goals. No. Or the tactical tweaks by Liam Rizania or anything, or the fact of West Ham are looking kind of quite good again in parts. Yeah. But the best thing was, Jamel just going, you're like, guys, you got to watch,

you got to watch this clip. I'm going to triori being biggest shit for absolutely no reason. Throwing people around, people who I hate so much. Watching Cougarilla get tossed to the ground. Toss to go, like a ragdoll. Like a rag doll.

And then in the most sort of straight-bodied, lay down. It looked like there's a fight in shooing around it. And he literally just lay there like he's playing dead. in this weird, he's like, having a nap. He's like, well, let's say you guys, like he's in Shavasna at the end of a yoga class. Just lying there like that while there's all his mayhem.

He's chewing. And Zhao Pedro, just thinking on instinct, I'm going to go defend my teammate. Hey, get off of him. Wait, who are you? Oh, no. Wait. Nope.

You know a little piss came out. Right here. Right there. When his, when, if somebody's charging you and then you, you can't actually square up and you just kind of put a, I need to protect myself. I was like, oh, poor Joelle Pedro. He's trying to protect his heart.

What a big guy in the league is running after you? It very much had that scene in Friday when Red is trying to get his beach cruiser back from Debo. Right. And he's like, what bike? And then the old man, he knocks the shit out of fucking Red. And then his dad comes and he's like, you want some two old man? And no, no. That was Joal Pedro.

Oh, my God. I think he even said. I need Joe on Friday. No, I need to have Friday. Friday, 1995. Black culturalists. Do you know why? It's actually, it is one I want to, I'll text my other WhatsApp group about

while Friday night viewing is going to be. But I have wanted to watch Friday night. And your group is like, guys, Friday's, this was like when Red was trying to get his beach cruiser back from Debo. You guys have got to watch, I'll watch that if you watch seasons 4 to 8 of Downton Abbey. That's the way. Listen, that's a perfect exchange. I'm trying to get him to watch Top Boy.

Yeah, I'm still late on time. You know, I've seen Top Boy. You know, I'm so sorry. Candid last week, you're like, man, I got to get my accent going. I'm going to get something. You got to participate in the accent to rate. Top Boy, man. Top Boy is infectious.

I said your partner will leave you for all the vocal stems that you walk out watching that shit. You'll be saying, where's my food, bro? Where my peas, bro? Peas. That's, that, yeah. We beat Chelsea tomorrow. I start watching Top Boy. Okay.

Stay tuned, folks. Okay. The next level of this spot is. I like this. You've made this. You made this quite streamable. People are going to have to listen to the next episode. See?

Yeah. So here, your London, Ting accent. And then you also said, who put the note, Trier's car between two hairstyles? His hair is some shit I'd never seen before. Can we get him? He has the clean, low, Michael Richards up front. And then he has, like, the Matrix 2 dreads in the back.

Oh, yeah, I think I know you mean. Hold on. We need to pull up a high resolution. And I assume it's. because he's so muscular, he just needs some extra hair back there to hide his thick-ass neck. That's what it is. Something's going on. He's kind of got, it's like...

He's got chunky neck. It's like half fresh out the barbershop and then it's like knuckles in the back. Knuckles. That's what he's doing. He is... He's so big. For absolutely no... It doesn't...

It doesn't give him... No results. No, yeah, you're right. Apart from right, the result was that. And that's what you sign up. It's so funny. No other top flight player is anywhere near that muscular.

It's insane. It can't help. He got a condition. He's so unerodynamic. He looks like some kind of fucked up Michael B. Jordan mutant. He looks like a... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he does.

Yeah, he does. Michael B. Jordan should play him in a movie. Michael B. Jordan off the HGH. It's called the biggest footballer on the planet. Wow. That's great. Yoker is like a safe with legs. Yeah.

He's like a. deployed sale. He's like a mask, like a, when the sale be out. Yeah, what is it called? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Easing the sheep. I don't know.

Something. Yeah, deployed sales sounded here. That's way, that feels like way more substantial. Like, man, like a deployed sale. Yeah. When you said that, I thought that was like a business talk for for selling something. I was like, this is the most meta analogy ever, but

like deployed sale also makes sense big. He's a lot of fans on Emmons, NBC business. Yeah, yeah. A lot of guys from Madden's, money. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Because I used to be guest on mad money. Yeah. Did you? Yeah, yeah. People. I would love to see those clips. A lot of jokes about jacking off on mad money.

With Mr. Kramer was the guy's name? Yeah. You're like Cash's King. It's something else to clean up with. Mm-hmm. Come on. Okay.

Liverpool, Newcastle. We should have just talked about them. God, they look. They're looking great. Hugo I katiket. I think is one of my favorite strikers right now. Shout out to that lady who looks like him. Seeing the mom?

No. Akekekei mom? I mean, no, but I... This guy's mom just has the short blonde hair. Oh, yeah, the new hairstyle. You know, like that youngish mom vibe? Not his mom. Because I was like...

Just a lady. Because I know he looked like a white woman. Why are you talking about hairstall? He's changed... Just a mom. His mom looking like... He making himself look like his own mom would be. That's been the biggest...

Oh, wow. Sweetest tribute players have been on to their own mother. Better than any Holland video. That's an auntie right there. Yeah. That's definitely a kicketkei on. right there. It's vibes. She looks better the more he scores. Like, this is the

first one? Oh, that's funny. And now we're like, she's rocking the jersey now. And right in between she just got her die job. Yeah. No root here. And he's also becoming more blonde as well. Eckert TK has gone full super sane. It is, bro. And I'm worried about his hair. I'm worried about his hair. You keep bleaching that shit? Is that what you did? No, no, it's male pattern baldness. It's genetics. I wish. Then there'd be

then I could stop the bleaching. But I didn't. But then I'm like, I'm like, oh, bro, take care of your hair, Hugo. It could just be the weather too. He was also rich enough

that he could sort of almost like baby teeth. He could sort of ruin his hair and then just buy some new hair. Oh, yeah. It's like the rich guy equivalent of a baby teeth. He just just jump on a plane to Turkey. Yeah, but I say it's so close.

Like that boxer. Oh, that boxer. Oh, my gosh. Oh, a guy actually got his wig pushback? That was my favorite thing because every black person goes,

he got his fucking. wig push back. Literally. Unbelievable. This is just a phrase about getting your wig pushed back. You made it real. You want to get your fucking wig push back. Oh my God.

He got his wig. He's actually fucking blown out. It's the craziest clip of all time. Also, his explanation for it is like, what do you say? Do you know what I remind me? Remember what I said a few podcasts ago? How about how I said I had a zit and I picked it and I pretended I've been burnt by cigarette?

Oh, yeah. He said, um, he said, I used some, he goes, yeah, man. He says your parent. Did he say your parent for you? I said my mom burnt me with a cigarette on my face. in the club. And then he goes, and I was like,

and then his explanation was, yeah, two days ago, I just used some shampoo in my hair and it just, it just, it just like, it just,

it just, like, just, it just, it's like, and then it's just, messing my hair up, and then I'm wearing,

I was like, what? That's making any sense. Yeah, no shampoo makes all your hair fall out two days and just, in a day. Then,

then bick your head. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, we would all understand why you were bald if that was the case of you nut.

Well, And I love that he won that match. He did? Oh, my God. That's so tight. Yeah. How, to be able to beat somebody up and still be so self-conscious that you need a full-on rug on your head? Fucking blow, the glue blew off on you like that.

Or is that what, like, bro, like, is that what caused the victory? Like, he was about to lose. Yeah, he's like, yeah, that's it. Get off my purse! Because I think that is a bald man's worst fear is being exposed in public. on such a public way that he just blasted off. He turned that into a fucking nuclear

fission reactor of fucking anger. It's like, you know how sometimes you see if people like fuck with like a dude and they flick their hat off? And like they'd be bald because they're half fishing

and they go, oh. And then you're like, this guy might kill you right now because you blew his hat off and you expose him. I was like, he might be in trouble,

bro. And also, how the fuck you're gonna wear a hairpiece into a box? That sounds like the crazy thing of this anymore. It's the worst place to have a hair piece.

You're sweating. They're going to be hitting you. One of the main places they're going to be trying to hit you. Put a hairpiece on your knee. Sure. No one's hitting you there. Go in the hairy knees.

You have hairy knees. You've got to Steve Harvey fade on your knees. Oh my God. Pange on your knees. He said he joke. He said, okay, Miller joke that he had lost much of his hair only days earlier by using

ammonia bleach. And then he said, I'm a comedian. You have to make fun of yourself. What? Oh my lord. Are you a comedian? He's not. He's like, he's like, he's calling like, I'm a comedian.

Yeah. As a comedian, he can't get away with more random stuff than like, obviously like a politician's like, but he's like, he's like, I'm a comedian. Also, I killed my neighbor. Ah, I'm a comedian. My fucking wig blew off. All right. What are you going to do?

I've got a bomb in my basement. Ignore all the scratches on the walls in that one bedroom. It's not from fingernails. All right. anyway. Just a comedian. So, Orion Verde scored again.

Easy. That goal was so fucking casual. I was kind of upset at it. Because he was like, yeah, just cut it back for me, Mo. Bing,

just such a lovely, something a slow finish. Yeah. I love it. Like, I was like, oh, you're,

that's when you're like, you know this guy is good because he's playing like he sees the Matrix, just even with the placement of that shot. But that's the second Ekatiki goal,

that out, that, how the fuck did he? Well, uh, okay. So I, initially was like, well, this is, and then, but the way

people are now talking about that goal, they're like, this guy, when I was a school kid, that's just a toe punt, you just punting with your toe. You know, it's when you don't have to kick a ball with your laces, you just toe punt it. Sure, sure, sure. But when a pro does it, like, Ronaldo did it in the World Cup, I think in 2002, and they're like, no backlift,

no one's expecting it. So the element of surprise was very cheeky, but it is just like, I don't know. I think it's because the goal was sort of like, because Kirkaz, Kirkaz just played a ball out the back to him, and then he suddenly found himself, basically with one defender in between him.

And he just slow walked him, burst his, I think it was just how casual it was. It wasn't even just like, I've never seen anybody finish like that. It was Henriesque and sort of like, bro, I'm going to cook your bitch ass. Try and defend me because what I'm,

like you already knew is like, I'm going to drop my shoulder, I'm going to blow by you, and I will casually just poke this by. He's giving me strong Henri vibes. I will say that. He can do everything. And he doesn't look troubled.

I'll say that. Liverpool supporters, you got, I tell my friend, time. I'm like, bro, you fuck y'all got me. You got the guy. He's the guy.

All of the big money signings are starting to fire as well. Except for ESAC. Except for ESAC. We'll never see again. Yeah. Oh, God. What if, uh, we'll see. I hope he recovers because I don't want, they would suck if like he was never right after

this after all that shit when you could have been. But that, see, I'm on the other side. Like, I hope to never. Yeah. What if he never got better? That'd be tight. I don't need him. Fuck that.

He's playing for the wrong team. They did also. They spend so much money on them. They've just bought, I mentioned in the other week, Jeremy Jacket. Yeah. French guy, 60 million and just the fun. I mean, who doesn't want a player called Jeremy Jacket in their team, whether he's good or not?

And he's a defender? Oh, actually, can I just remind. Can we give a little shout out, sweetest moment of the weekend. Canate, his dad died that week. Oh, really? And he scored the fourth goal when he started crying afterwards. And I was like, man, that goal. Oh, it wasn't because the goal was so ugly.

Yeah, no, because I thought it might have. Yeah, that's crazy. I didn't know that. My bad. My bad. Because it trickled in the side by the It reminded me a I'm not even

But that's, hey listen I was gonna say a whole joke Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah He was like this Yeah Blew that shit over the line So anyway

Yeah it was like one of those Little League videos Where the coach Put the ball in You said me like coach pitch Baseball Yeah somehow That's crazy

His dad died Yeah man I mean I don't even I know and I'm and I was but I had to go for the joke

because it was so it was in such poor taste I knew it would get a laugh that's no laughing matter I think his dad died like a few days before and he's like that classic football is like his dad down is he wanted to play

and I'm like I feel like I'm even if I was a professional I'm like can I have a week off I'd be like yeah Jesus so the fact that he played playing well scored a goal

that's the moments when I love football I'm like Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, great. Good for you, I'm with you. There was a moment, too, where at the 20th minute, they were applauding for Diogojota,

and there was, like, a camera on the way end, and there was, like, a kid who's like, what do we clapping for? And then, and then, like, his buddy next one was like, he clearly goes, is like, it's for Diogozsche. Like, you can, because he says something, and goes, oh, and he goes like, oh, like, he got it together really quick.

But it was just an interesting moment to see him being like, you have to be explained. And then you're awkward, oh, yes, okay. Wash all this then. Um, yeah. So anyway, Hugo, I could TK though. God damn it. He's so good.

And yeah, he'll be good. He's so fucking, he's got classy feet. The way he moves the ball around is very good. I don't know, man. He just, he's very creative in a way that's, um, I think really under. I mean, I don't think it's underrated, but he's really good. He's one of the top strikers right now. Any other business?

Well, you know, there was a couple, you know, there's a few results, you know, Forrest and Pallets, Drew Sunland, obviously win again because they're at home. They're just like behemone. Yeah. But transfer window shut. One story that tickled me, as we've talked about this man many times. The meat man. Meat man.

Meat man, Mattessa, failed as medical. So the obvious, the obvious question. D2B? D2B. D2B. D2B. They wrote it down for serious. Let me see.

Yep. D2B. Come on, man. This is a liability. Yeah, they were. Hold on. Our sex offender laws are different in. They did the way in.

They did the way. They did the way in. It was like, there's no way. And part of your anatomy can weigh that much. You can't be bigger than the coach in Italy. That's what it is. Does they make you measure it against the coach? So the coach they travel or the head coach?

The head coach. Obviously, obviously. They made the head coach lie down. Yep. Next to the man. Every player. Every player. Full potential of the penis.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So they said, again, it wasn't that like he had a heart condition or anything like that. It must be just like, they're like, bro, this guy's knees. Something to them indicated, right? I think Crystal Paz just tried to sell him with a three-month injury, no, and they were like, well, hopefully they don't do a proper measure.

Yeah. They're like, hold on a second. Hopefully. Ever they just... Hold on, what's behind this duct tape? No, yeah, yeah. Oh, he's just a hole. He's got a hole in his knee. He's just got an absence of knee. It's necrotizing. What the fuck? Isn't there supposed to be like a cap on your knee?

Nah, no, we don't need them. Nah, now it's just a portal to another world. Don't get too close, so it'll suck you in. That's actually just, I just sort of slide the end of my penis. out of that hole. Oh, what the fuck is that noise? Hey. Nah, nah.

So, uh, it's not ideal. What's up, boys? We put a pen to paper or what? It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's not ideal. It's a mystery box. I might not be able to play for three months, but you mind me a wizard if you go into me, if you go into my knee. Which could lead to some results.

Yeah. Who knows? Who knows? Uh, yeah, we did talk about Tadali's scumbag. Like, what the? Yeah. That's, sure. Rodry losing it, we spoke about that

and then, oh yeah, I liked David Moyes just being so angry for getting a yellow card. Yeah. Which I do agree. He barely was skipping. He was skipping, which is funny, but he left a technical area.

Don't give, just like, we want to, if your team's got to the last minute, it's got to be context, right? If you're going crazy for a goal in the middle of the game, if you get a last minute winner equalizer and you should be allowed to. To celebrate like he won the league. Exactly.

You should be running, you should be allowed to run into the crowd. Yeah. Just do what you want. Get your top off, David. Yeah. Get your nipples out. Why not?

For real. Get your, actually get your nipples out. Yeah, get them out. Bring lemon party back. Pull your nips out for the lads. Pull your nips out. Pull your nips out.

That's what we want. Pull your nips out for the lads. I bloody will do it again. Actually, I think if I had been a bit more mobile, I might have done a knee slide. You know what I mean? He was happening. But I don't know what.

See, that would have only got me a yellow as well. So, mate, it's well been the whole hog. It's true. Doing the whole hog. I mean, it kind of sucks because that was such low energy. Yeah, I know. He's right. He's right.

He's right. If you're going to get a yellow, get it. If you're going to be wrong, be right. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But like, I'm actually mad at them for giving him. Like, what the, that wasn't even cool. PGMO.

They're a bunch of. Get rid of them. Get rid of them. Exactly. Well, that's going to do it for us this. week. There was a couple of Champions League things,

but you already know, obviously. We know who up there. We went through up there. Unbeaten, you know what I mean? Dubs all the way. Yeah, baby. You know so.

4-0 after 3-2 versus Kairat felt very good because that was another little like, okay, why are we not beating the fuck out of Kairat? I think it's hard when you don't respect Kyrat. When you play a team, that's 900 places below you must be hard to

go through it. And it's like Kairat? Yeah, it's like, they don't even make sense. They never look more like that. And I knew you're going to say that. And you can say it safely because Arsenal will not be playing them again.

What was that weird stat that, like, Kai Havert's scoring is like the... Oh, right. One of the only times. First three letters of a player match the first three letters of the team to score against since someone... Lee Dixon. Lee Dixon against Leeds. Oh, look at us, guys. And then we beat Leeds on the weekend.

Everything. And that's so good. And Lee Dixon also helped by wife proposed to me for my wedding. Aw. Yeah, yeah. So did tear on me. But that's a whole other episode. Yeah.

Damn. All right, y'all. We'll see you next time. Anybody got anything to plug? Just this thing. Yeah, and tonight, free comedy in Highland Park. Okay. Blind Barber. And I'll mention of Cole Palmer's hair, which also sucks. Dude, geez. Get my last hair joke out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He, it was real floppy. Yeah, it's a good little roll. It was like, because you remember when, because remember when Fodon was really going with the Caesar?

Right. That's what, that's what Cole Palmer's doing, but it's too long now. It's got surf. Yeah. Surf hair. Exactly. That's floppy. Yeah. Guys. And Cole Palmer, you should know, bro. You know what the fuck? Meanwhile, Phil Foden should look like Bruno Mars.

I know. Exactly. I'm like, he's got to be black, right? And they're like, no. And you're like, Cole Palmer is, though? Like, yes. His granddaddy's Jamaican. Isn't that the case with Cole Palmer? Yeah, yeah.

I'm always like, man, God bless those like. Him and Ryan Giggs. Oh, yeah, yeah. Ryan Giggs? Ryan Giggs is black too. Oh, shit, man. Like Emil Smith Rose also one of those like, low key. I never would have thought he ate plantains.

Yeah. I like plantains. I've got no black in my family, but is that allowed to? Oh, for sure. That's cool. That's great. All right. I assume that from you. I'm just a huge. Yeah, I'm a huge fan. I just really love it. A bit of maple syrup, a bit of paprika. Okay. You're a bit of spice and sweet. Oh, shit. Yeah. I ruined it. I ruined it. Yeah, yeah. Jamaicans do not write in.

Chris is not responsible for the plantain takes on this. It's all good. A little vanilla ice cream. You're like, what's the fuck. I would do that. I just put straight mayonnaise on that. Yeah. All right, yeah, okay. All right, y'all.

We'll see you next time. Peace. Peace.