The Daily Zeitgeist - Was Youri Tielemans In B2K?

Episode Date: December 23, 2025

This week the lads ponder alternate careers for Youri Tielemans, Chris learns about the cinematic classic You Got Served and Hugo Ekitike thrusts a new celebration into the faces of Spurs supporters... Oh and Arsenal tops the table for Christmas, but does that even mean anything?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You see this, that's a packet of cheese and onion Walker's Christmas, yeah? You want to leave that on a pit field? How can you play with his rubbish? Pick that packet up. Aha, look inside. It's a grenade. Now you have to disarm it.

Guys, are we all going to die? Together, guys. Together we die, guys. That's the lesson. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to what is this, Matt's Week 17, A.k.a. Episode 3 of Ain't It Footy. Actually, it is the best comedic soccer show out there, according to one review, which, to be honest, they weren't inaccurate.

If you're looking for unbiased opinion, this is not the place. No. But it is hilarious and biased. And however, we do not claim to be unbiased. We are terribly biased, okay? You see the can is everywhere. It's all in here. It's everywhere.

Anyway, let's get into it. the show. I'm Miles Gray, but that's not important. What is important is the opinion of my two co-hosts Chris Martin and Jamel Johnson. Chris Martin, I'm going to start with you two to 17 words to describe your feelings around this week. Egg rolls. Egg rolls. Yeah. All right. Oh, should I elaborate? Do you make sense later? Is that like a tease? No, no, yes, it's a teeth. Okay, I like that. It'd be good to just say and then leave. All right. You know, when you go to Thai restaurant, I'd call them spring rolls in the UK, but I've translated for you, for your Americans, egg rolls.

reliable. You know you're getting. I'm a tight restaurant, seven and a half out of ten, wherever you go. This weekend, two goals from Harland, Arsenal, Defense Strong, can't attack, Tottenham being Tottenham. Okay. Villa, being XG underperformers, yet scoring United Flattered to the sieve, and who else? Some other thing happened, I forgot.

Chelsea and Newcastle. That was that little orange sauce. That was going to be two-two before the game. That's true. Oh, I like that. Is it egg rolls weekends? Egg rolls, baby. Jamel Johnson fried egg grows.

I like that. Three to 17 words. Two to 17 words. Because I have two, but one of them is like technically two words. That's funny. Missile toe jam. Missile toe jam. The festive fixtures have begun.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. And I like to watch them all night. It's my favorite song, Luther Randross. Yes. Mr. Oh, yeah. It's got to be one of Ian Wright's favorite song. You think so?

He's probably listening to it right now. Do you think I feel like, yeah, he definitely has that. He probably listens to Kenny Latimore, too. Easily. Because that's what Michael Jordan was listening to in the locker room. You know, just whatever. He's a little more dancing. I'm a little more.

I'm never too much guy, but, you know. I'm cool pro like that. Marcus Miller on the base? Have you seen, look, as a bass player, if you, look, that is one of the most iconic bass lines. Look up Marcus Miller, never too much bass. And you realize, who, um, for me, wake the fuck up. I see why you extended it from two to 17.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was texting that to all of my Arsenal supporting friends watching the match, being like, what the fuck and look solid performance but i don't like it i don't like where we're at i don't feel good about it i hope you feel better about it but guess what another christmas where we're top of the table boys don't it feel good yeah do you know what i nearly i nearly made if i was going to go as as goon eccentric as he was going to make it preparation h because i was saying i was messaging guys nothing gives me a hemorrhoid like watching arsenal win a game which shouldn't be shouldn't be that way, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were having roid rage. I was watching that, for sure. It wasn't even rage. I'm so used to it. It was like Royd comfort. I noticed the way you spelled hemorrhoids was H-A-E. That's the British.

I don't know. I feel like I just like the eye for. You know, it's like diarrhea and hemorrhoid. I just start the first of that. But diarrhea, we do spell different to America. Well, how do you put an H in diarrhea? We have that, no, no, we have an H in diarrhea. We have an, hang-a-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h.

Hang it for one now. Hanga. We respect the H. You don't even have to look this up. How dare you? Oh, I mean, I might be an O in it. I might be an O in it. Now, pedophile, we spell P-E-D-O, and y'all do P-A-E-A-D-O.

Diarrhea, British spelling. Yeah, baby, there's an O. It in ho. What? You got a O? Ho-Hohria. Oh my God. That's very British, though.

This shit looks so funny. That's funny because that's British, isn't it? Because you know a British, but he's laughing at his mate. He's got diarrhea. That's what's got like, oh, oh, mate, you just, you just shit everywhere. Hey, where's Randy in the Lou? Yeah, mate. That's how you say diarrhea when you're throwing up and you have diarrhea.

Yeah. Anyway, so Merry Christmas to all our listeners, learning new things. Like how you guys spell diarrhea. Yeah, baby. Again, every day is the right way. It's more than just us being rational. So have I got hemorrhoid? Is hemorrhoid got a British spelling?

We got a, I mean, H-A-E? Yeah, I mean, I figured you instead. instinctively did that because you're literate. No, I think that it's just one of those words. I just let it do. Emeroid British Brenning. And? No, H-E-M-O. I know,

I just spelled it wrong. So you put a little too much. I like extra vowels. I'm used to us putting extra vows and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were putting a little marmite on there. A little bovril. I did actually give my son Marmite for the first time. Oh.

And he went, that's nice. And then he refused to any more of it. So I feel like he was just placating me. That feels like a very English response too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Never, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's nice. I never need to try it again. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Cheap up, mate. Good try, that. That is quite nice.

Yeah, all right. Not something I'd ever eat again. But quite nice. All right, let's get into it. Wake the fuck up. Egg rolls and missile toe jam were our descriptors. Let's kick it off. Spurs at home, hosting Liverpool. Spurs setting another record 11 home defeats

in a calendar year never been done before never been done before any Premier League team no for Tottenham a club record but that's still good yeah

a club record that should make a DVD I think that's great I think that's wonderful I really love that for y'all you're still kind of fucking up obviously this is where the horrible bias shows up

but Spurs won Liverpool too this was a fucking wild match chaotic all over the place Um, you had the Alexander ESAC goal first, his first Premier League goal ends up. Is your second go? Oh, second, second. Yes, you're right, you're right.

But his, this was like a big moment. Yeah. Gets fucking, his leg basically fractured is what we found out. Eich. By Mickey Vannevin. Um, and before that, we had the wackiest red card from Zabi Simmons on, uh, Virgil Van Dyke. Mm-hmm. On a friend of his.

On your captain, my captain. Hmm. Well, maybe not. I don't know. You don't know what's going on in the Dutch dressing room, man. Yeah, I've got some other problems. Yeah, I don't know what's going. He owes him £1,500 from table tennis or something.

Right, right. It made no sense. It was bizarre. It looked like he was just like, he just ran it straight line and just straight. Didn't even pretend to, like, touch the ball. I think it was like he was playing FIFA and he just hit slide tackle. He didn't realize the angle. I'm just like, oh, fuck.

Yeah, that's, okay, I'm off. I'm off. Then Hugo Eketike. This, I mean, that's their guy. Still fucking scoring. We got Romero sent off and a Rasharleson The Romario of useless goals

Strikes again in the 83rd Heck of Tiki going short list He gave us a bit of He pulled the ass out Did he catch this? He really pulled. He scored and went Randy Mawson Pulled his pants down, Chris.

Yeah. Is that because they were playing at Taddenham? Did he know about the record? I don't know. I don't know. He was like, let me... Yeah, he pulled him real low. He had the waist bit.

to him? I don't know. Do we know what the story is? Yeah, is that a is that a celebration that you do get your bum out? Like, when you're not being antagonized? Yeah. Like, I just scored. Is that like a backflip kind of? I don't know what, yeah, please someone safer than a backflip. As we've learned.

I think he was trying to come for like Mateta's record or something. He's like, just so you know there's a new meat god in town. I'm the guy. Because something about it. It did feel new sheriff like when he pulled his ass out. I mean, bro, it's gratuitous. Come on, dude. Look at his speed.

He was doing something. I didn't know he was the pen for me. He had a semi. He had an absolute semi. He had the helmet out and everything. I actually think he's the most honest reaction you'll ever, because scoring a golden in Premier League. It's pretty tough.

He's going to give you a bonus. This is like Ving Rames and Baby Boy type of shit. It's nutty, man. And I mean that many ways? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. Jean-Philippe Matetta, you were the guy who was out there hanging brain

very visibly through your shorts all the time. The gauntlet's been late. Yeah. This is now, this is a secret, secret celebration game. Just an odd. He's got the biggest junk in the league. Do you reckon they're listening to our pod? They are.

They are. It's got to be. You got to listen to 18 footy and then Echateke is like, all right. Let's just show me. And he goes, what? Who's the next? Who's the next? Who's the next meat guy?

The next meat guy? I don't know. Look, it's up to them. Give me Calvert Lewin, man. He's all going off right now. I mean, he's born a skirt before. Yeah, for a photo shoot. I want to see and pull the hair type.

Like an 80s nerd who's like, let me let you all know, I'm cute. You know what I mean? And just wait and just lets it fucking flow. That would be a beautiful celebration too. Anyway, the match itself. Do we have to? Can we keep talking about the penises of Premier League players? I mean, if you have anything more to add, by all means.

There's nothing you can add to that, mate. That's the biggest thing I've ever seen in my life. Hey, now, recycling shorts as well. Come on. Yeah. Again, another, I'm pretty sure there were children at Tottenham, Hot Spur Stadium. This was the NBC, bro. This was on TV.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure he made a, I'm sure he made a lot of new fans. Ah, clever girl. Everybody look. There it is. He did it. So, yeah, the Zobby fucking red card was so stupid. Romero was real.

That, just fucking making everything worse for that team. It was already, look, before the red card, I will give it to Totham. it seemed like a close match. Right to the red card. Well, yeah, they were kind of doing okay. He said they woke them up. Losing a guy, they might probably play better. They also were pretty good with less than...

Yeah. And then even with nine men. With nine. I mean, that's... Liverpool, yeah, both teams that are not going to win anything to see. No. Hilarious that Liverpool playing against nine men can still get touched. That was just like, okay.

Did you see what Frank said about Romero's yellow? No. I can't see if it's right or wrong what it gives the first yellow. And in the second, I see two big boys competing, which is just a funny, funny phrase. Okay. And he thinks Canaancy smashes him and it's a foul. But then, I mean, it is definitely yellow. He kicked out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's Romero. It was weak, but you're lashing out. I mean, you wouldn't expect it from a player like that, would you, Romero? He's such a good boy. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he's never anything like that in his life. Christine, Christine.

Absolute most guilty player, that sort of thing. He's the fact he's called QT. It's the most ironic nickname ever. But I thought Richardson was going to get kicked out after the goal. I thought he was going to score. and then swing on. Didn't he bust somebody's lip? On that play?

Yeah. I missed it. He turned around like he was going to swing and then stop. Oh, yeah, yeah. He was pushing someone's face into the ground. I come and poop. I was right. It was, I can't teach him.

Oh, no. Brim pong got elbowed in the face. Oh. Brim pong was really, he was like, what the fuck? He got elbows. He got elbows. And then he got subbed off as well. Everyone got subbed off in the same position.

Yeah. That was crazy. Yeah, it was Connor Bradley for his. He's that for Frimpong, Frim Pong for Kiezer. Kiezer, who is only allowed to ever play four minutes a game for some reason, even though he always is

I don't know what the fuck is going on. It's a part of his probation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got a one thing that I think that's very firm rule. He gets a bonus if he plays six more minutes. No, no, no, no. Uh, Thomas Frank, each week his eyes get deeper into his skull.

You're going to need, you're going to have to go spalunking to find, His optometrist is going to have to splunk to find his people. I think his optometrists is the cryptkeeper. It's like at the back, it's like each, you have to like, and he's also got a sense apart. I actually like him. He's a good coach, I think, but he has been talking.

Are you saying that because this is what's happening under his stewardship at Tottenham? No, no, no. I'm actually being, I'm not being facetious. I'm being, I'm actually being genuine. No, but I am still going to use it as a way of insulting spurs, which I think he is a good coach, but he's been, he's been. He's been totemized. He's been totemized.

It's that squad. It's that squad. Coaching Tottenham's like being the president. Yeah. Every four months you age like a year. It'll fuck you up and you somehow do war crimes. Next thing you know, you're sending the call. I mean, his players were committing war crimes on the field.

It's crazy. But it was a weird thing of like the Tottenham, I do feel a bit sorry for talking about. They look like there's going to be just as bad as last season, but at least but playing even more boringly. right, they did have some more flash. People are doing a comparison of like after the first 16 games between

Ange and Frank kind of similar but Ange definitely had the edge in terms of like attempts on goal. Like with Frank it's like really noticeable how just there's just ineffective they are in terms of scoring.

But hey, not my problem. Yeah. So. Tell them to the judge, sucker. Again, it's It's the squad, baby. It's the squad. Those players, they can't get in most teams.

But you know what I mean? Like, in terms of the arms race of personnel, they've fallen so far behind it. When you look at that team, like, Ah, Chad, they're like, bro, those... Y'all had Kyle Walker at Wright Pad. You know what I mean? You had fucking...

Pain and son are their best. Pain and son at their best. You had Deli Alley at one point doing his shit. Dembele, who's quietly one of my favorite players ever, even though he's his pottaun player. That guy, you know, like Miles Lewis Skelly kind of moves a bit like him, but Dembele's just so hard to get the ball. Yeah, he's big.

Yeah, you could not get the ball of him. He was a fucking monster. Anyway, I think the squad, their squad is like, all their players can be good, but they don't, like, they've all got floors. Like, Romero is a psycho. Yeah. Van de Ven is really fast if he runs in a straight line.

They've all got, like, moments, but they don't have those, like, those players that every week just bring it. Yeah, or someone you go. It's like the beginning of Mighty Ducks, too. Right, exactly. Before they put it all together, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They need to go, what, Vincent Bombay needs to get them. Gordon. Yeah, they need to go play street coffee. You are forgiven. He said, Vincent. I'm sorry. Who the fuck is Vincent, Montbe? Vincent Bombay, that's the guy from.

Mighty Ducks 4. They go evil. He's like, he's got an evil cousin or something. There's a Mighty Ducks 4? Well, they should be. They're probably as he said it. So annoyed of myself. There's Vincent Bombay, his cousin.

He knew where he was going. Yeah, I knew. Sorry, I'm being cadet. No, I'm glad you're going to correct me. They need to play street hockey and Compton. Yeah, they do. They do. They need to pick up trash.

They need a key in the field. Yeah, exactly. Come on. You know our test has tried that with the Arsenal players. Oh, yeah. Guys. You probably made him put on rollerblades. Guys, this guy, he's going to hit the knuckle puck.

Yeah. Watch this. Guys. You have to learn how to stop on the skate. You see this? That's a packet of cheese and onion, Walker's crisps. Yeah. You want to leave that on a pit field?

How can you play with his rubbish? Pick that packet up. Uh-huh. Look inside. It's your wallet. It's a grenade. Now. You have to disarm it, guys.

Are we all going to die? Together, guys. Together we die, guys. That's the lesson. It's about the journey. The journey of dying is better than dying. We have three seconds, guys. Two seconds, guys. Arsenal killed and terrible grenade tragedy at London Colney.

Okay. We did that for the Tottenman fans listening. That was for you. That was actually for you guys. And y'all still would finish behind us. But back to Liverpool. I think they seem to be. like what, this is seven undefeated

now, six unbeaten, seven unbeaten. That's a good thing. Sala, it seems like he apologized to the teammates from what I understand. That seems like it's getting sorted. I think they're finding themselves, so, you know, but yeah, we'll see how that goes. I'm going to give Sala

some credit, man. Perfectly time, freak out. Yeah. I'll freak out and then I leave in like two weeks. Mm-hmm. It's perfect. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, listen, I guess called you some names. I'm sorry. See you in a month I like that

I got a report for duty though Yeah I'm out See you guys later Yeah I'm out of here Being the coast guard See you Yeah cool Cool

See you man See you Yeah we'll see what happens When he comes back Elsewhere Ashton Villa 2 Manchester United

1 Morgan Rogers Welcome to Arsenal The man I mean I mean He can fucking play man

He's got body yada y'a. He's a meat candidate. Yeah. He's a meet a year candidate. He is. But he's so cold, though. He's so cold when he celebrates. He's got a little shrinkage.

Yeah, yeah. A little shrinkage. Two goals from Morgan Rogers. Both goals pretty similar. It's like, oh, you're going to let me cut in on this right foot? Mm-hmm. Boom. In there, like swimwear.

Cunia, great goal. Great goal. Such a just like finisher's goal. Like, he's like, just give me a fucking chance. Yeah. Getting it right around at me. Omri-esque. Yeah.

That's saying? Give me a chance after I missed three chances. Yeah. But Jamel's upset because Mattie Cash got, you know, he goes. He fucked up. He's dead to me. He got caught by Dorgoo. I will not be at the Christmas dinner.

Nobody's looked more like their name than Dorgoo. He's true. You know what I mean? I'm like, who the fuck is that Dorgoo? He's got to look. Hell no. Doorgo. Like an alien and like a DreamWorks.

Yeah. You call me the best by every old time. Been called Dougu. That's not going to get you far. That's like a bootleg, like, Mandalorian tape. They got at the barbershop. He's like, oh, that's a micotarian and Dorgoo. Yeah.

You mean the Mandalorian and Grogu? Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. Doorgoo. It's the same shit, bro. Look, it's the same. They both little shit in a wheelchair. My cousin filmed it, all right?

That's all I know. He was AI like a motherfucker, though. He got this other video where Barack Obama and Abraham Lincoln are in a B-boy battle. What's the bootleg DVD culture like? Oh, yeah, it used to be strong, you know, when people were still doing DVDs, you know. It used to be a lot of guys, yeah, I'd buy them in a pub. Where do you get them? When I was in a pub, the bar barbershop, the guys would come out.

Ours was a pub, beer garden, you want to buy this? It's like a pound or whatever. And he'd be like, good. You just have to watch like 57 people get up and go for a pissed during the recording. Actually was, I mean, it was, it's the one thing that the internet's ruined is, is guys selling you. Hand-to-hand sales. Hand-to-hand sales.

Yeah. Everything. I mean, that is, that was when they were literally like, you go to prison forever for selling these and making these. And now that, like, well, everything, now they're like, AI is just stealing everything. They'll ask for it. If you're going to steal it, make it look better than, make sure no one's having a piss. If you're going to steal it. Make it a stock I can buy.

Exactly. Okay. And make that motherfucking line go up. Bruno Fernandez got injured. That's not good for Manchester United, who. Second ever injury for them. Yeah. He gets injured.

I know. Really? Yeah. Also, we found out that week, right? He had his feelings heard of it by Manchester United. They were going to say him to Saudi Arabia, and he did not want to go. Yeah. I believe it was Kobe Manu's brother who put the call in. Mm-hmm.

From Love Island. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, straight from Love Island. That's what I'm saying. You think he doesn't have connections in Saudi. Yeah, probably not. It's weird that he started like going, I'm upset with him. They did this.

And then he got injured just before Christmas. Yeah. Is it a conspiracy? All I'm saying is. Oh. Okay. I like this. You hear what I'm.

Hey, make it make sense. And when you know, you know. You're saying, you're saying that he started talking about, yeah, I'm going to double down.

Come on. He started talking about wanting to go, that they wanted something Saturday everybody's not happy. And then three days before Christmas, he's injured. Well, don't be surprised if you see photos of him having a lot of turkey on Christmas Day.

Out there? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Exactly. Exactly. Mm-hmm. And that's what they come here for. That's what they come here for.

for the real conspiracies. Uh, shit. I'm saying if someone was going to sell you, you don't want to go. And then you got paid exactly the same amount of money for not playing. Yeah, yeah. What would you, what would you do? I bought that Marbury. Oh, yeah, I'm going down.

I don't pay you the same. Do you get paid the same if you don't tell? No, no, they'd slash my tires and shit. Oh, yeah, they'll burn my house down. That's a, you know, he's, he's got mob ties. Yeah. I, on the other hand, I could go down with a podcast injury. Yeah, you could.

You could. There you go. My lernick. Exactly. And that's a new heart. My larynx. My laranics, yeah. You're Larry Nance.

My Larry. Larry Nance, Jr. That like, you fell down to the Fus Auto, which is name of real, real injury. Yeah, yeah. I got you into that. I got so close. We're going to deny that claim, Mr. Johnson, unfortunately. We have not heard of that.

You're Leon Spinks, you said. One thing on Morgan Rogers, the announcers really want him to be on the World Cup roster. They did. And I caught that. I mean, he should. As soon as he scores, they started talking that. World Cup stuff. Good friend of ours, Michael O'Brien, was texting

me and he was like, you guys should do like in England power rankings every week to kind of see who's still got their spot. Who's on the plane? I mean, who's a better left wing right now? For England. Well, I think he'll play, I think Anthony Gordon actually will be on the left

and Morgan Rogers will be. I think it's Rogers versus Bellingham for that middle. That's central. Yeah, yeah. Just behind the striker. I think he's good there as well. But I mean, when he cut in on that first one. You know, he's watching it and you're going,

he's just like, he's deafening in a school. Yeah. But it's like great. Someone, you know, they're in form when you're watching them.

Pretty difficult to go on it. Yeah, yeah. But like Gakpo, you know what I mean? Like there's times when, at his best,

cutting in on that right foot, just very similar. I mean, no one, that feels like a weird compliment to be like he's like Gack. I mean, I just more like,

when he's on. When he's on, when he's on, when he's on. Because a lot of his goals are very similar. I'm going to be fully transparent. We're trying to get Gapel on the show.

I'm trying to get Gapal on the show. Oh, right. Hey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Miles is in love with Gapos' sister or something with my name. He's love his hair light, bro. It's strong. It's strong.

Morgan Rogers made the announcers go orgasmic, which I hadn't heard in a while. Yeah. That's a big difference between British sports and Americans, but the American announcer says suggestive things. Right, right, right. If that are sexual in you end up, British announcer just come. Yeah, they do come.

Oh, Morgan Rogers. We have to repress all. emotion and the only time we're allowed to come is watching football. Is that the football, mate? I love it. Then I can hug my friend. We can only cry or jizz during football or touch another man. That's why we watch so much football. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why you're like,

you're watching League 2? 17 versus 18. Honey! House of me! It's the first of fixtures, baby, and it's fast of fixtures. They're like, who you watching with? All right. What else do you guys?

I was going to say, though, I did put it, I did write. Ashton Villa, I read. This is a week ago, the stat, but it can't be too far off. Based on XG, it should be 15th in the league. Overperforming. As Arsenal fans, sorry to bring some bias in, people who are down like a bit of bias, but I can go from my own personal experiences, Una Emery clearly is a good coach to a degree.

However, Arsenal went on a very long unbeaten run under him. We're like, someone doesn't feel right here, and it's the same with this. This is not sustainable. I think they're going to do well, and from how badly they started to see, they didn't win for like five games or something. It didn't score for, like, it's all September ages. And then, um, but they're,

doing brilliantly, but it'll be interesting. They've got Chelsea way, Arsenal way in the next week. Oh, and you know who, who was it that who scored their first goal to break that dry spell they had? I don't know. Harvey Elliott. Oh, Harvey Elliott. For seven seconds of fame, yeah. Such a fucking cool little bit of trivia that no. Do you remember who broke that dry spell? I saw Liverpool talking about covering the ESAC injury by bringing back Harvey Elliott, which feels, I don't know, that guy needs to be freed though. I don't know what he's done to Unai. He's not, he's not sat through the 12-hour video sessions. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you have any, you were saying something about your 18 limits? You know what? Hey, Yuri, you're looking more human than ever. Yes. And I like that. You looked like you did it get, you, you fucked up the audition for B2K.

You look like you finally became a real boy. Yeah. For years, he's got that, he's got that little, a little panofio to him. He has got a little pinocchio to him. A little bit of nutcracker sweet to him. Yeah. He's got a little bit of sugar.

no strings to hold him up now. He's looking good now. Yeah, he does. Yeah, you're right. You used to look more like, well, my son called it a crack nutter the other day, and I was like, that means something very different. Yeah.

That's a crack nutter. There's a few of them. Yeah. In our neighbor. But that's a nutcracker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It used to look like if Pinocchio passed the trials at like Bologna. Yeah.

If you woke up in the middle of the night, and you just saw Yuri Tealman sitting on a shelf in your room, yeah. You'd be pretty scared. But like, it's looking away, and it just goes, yeah. And you're like, fuck. Fuck, it moved.

It moved. He's got good vision as well. He's going to see me. He can spot a pass. He can spot a scared boy in a bed. I like him. Just a little too slow for us. He looks like his lips are wooden.

And now he look real to me. He started working on that beer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Once he added that beard. The facial hair. Look, it's all the takes. You're right. He's got it.

I love it when he's, if he just had an extra yard of pace, he'd be world class. But he doesn't, so he's fine. Yeah. He's so close to being amazing. But just the extra yard of pace. Just a little bit. I mean, because everything else is the, the tool set is there.

The physical part. Yeah. Like if that was... And he manages to always look a bit overweight, yet somehow not be overweight, which is kind of boyish. It's because he's boyish. It's the chubby cheeks.

Because he's boyish. He didn't make B2K. Yeah. You know what I mean? He looks like he'd be like a lost Marcus Houston, like one of their brothers. You know what I mean? Oh yeah, for sure.

He's an episode of sister, sister. For sure. He's a yard too fast, too slow. He's a yard too slow to be world class. He's a yard too fast to be and B2K. If he's even slower, you have a different, Kind of like, buddy, we're only dancing.

He looks like he can't dance up. If I'm picturing the Yuri T. Lemon's B2K audition, he did fuck up the dancing. Oh, I feel like it just, you know what I mean? Somehow. They're like, ooh, oh, no. Like, whoever the, I can just, they're writing down, Yuri. Okay. Okay, no, that is not how we do that.

He's the guy who gets killed and you got served. All right. Is that a guy who got killed? Yeah, there's like a little saint. He's a little saint. Oh, shit. I'm sorry. these are cannot have you seen you got served

I have not we'll watch it later can you add it to my list of things I need to watch the understand we got to cover yeah I understand what you're saying yeah yeah yeah yeah you will be

someone who's listening to this podcast you'll be as black as Cole Palmer can you start a black American list for Chris mine yeah yeah yeah to revise at the end of every month we have to put that on the Discord server so far we have Florida State college football

yeah and you got served there's something else there's something else I can't remember what it was it was probably something Pretty hood or rap related. You follow the conversation about blunts? Yeah. Okay.

Chris's Black history list. Black History Month. Every month is Black History Month. FSU. You will know that Dionne Sanders went to FSU by the end of this. All right. And I'll have to come up with a white British. I mean, you, Miles is more more in British and I am.

Yeah, man, I'm sick. Something's wrong with me. He's watched every freaking soccer. You watch every midsummer murders, and I haven't even seen that. I mean, my mom loved Faulty Tower. Oh, that's a classic. You know what I mean? Yeah, you know, you know, black Adder?

I was watching that shit. Which, ironically, there's no black people in it. Yeah, I know. I thought, too. I'm like, it's any reason you watched this? Where's Black Adder at? I'm like, who the fuck is this, bro? Um, anyway, let's see.

Up next. Is it Newcastle? Oh, I will say, just quickly, Aston Villa, so they are third. We got to, we have to acknowledge that. Everyone goes, they are well and truly in the title race. Are they well in truly in the title race? I mean, okay.

I have the score for it. I say if as a snapshot right now, you are. You are there. Yeah, yeah. Now. And the way they played today. Yeah. Well, they hit a wall?

Yeah, that's the thing. It's like what happens when a couple of these key players go down who's going to, like, do you have the depth? I do they don't have the depth. In my opinion. Yeah. I mean, when Leicester won it, they got no, but they only, I think they are only playing in the league. They only playing in the league.

They're only playing Europe as well. And Unai is going to take that seriously. he loves to win the Europa League. They're going to come a cropper. I believe. I believe. But who knows? I mean, they're going to have a, they're going to be part of it, definitely.

And they're going to cause, like I said, they're playing Chelsea and Arsenal the next two games. They're going to do what they do. See how they do against them. They've got Citi to play. But I think it's Citi and Arsenal, to be honest. I think it's only this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm sweating that one.

Newcastle 2, Chelsea 2, Voltimade Brace. Reese James, reek. Mm-hmm. Jowl Pedro, wonderful. control. Wonderful. And left chow. He said chow, baby. Mm-hmm. And just took it on his own. Really great goal. I mean, dude, Robert Sanchez, he's been pretty good.

I've got to say, I got to give it up to him. The Chelsea defending at times was a little bit interesting because that's the one thing. You're like, maybe they could have won, I don't know, how did you, how did you feel about this? Because I also felt like Newcastle probably should have had a penalty. Oh, I mean, they definitely should have had a penalty. I was, that was one of those It was weird. Yeah, it was. It was like, I've done that before in like five sides with someone and he's like,

shoulder, they're like his shoulder. Yeah, you can't just like fully like. That's not the point. It's like, I'm a body you. But like, you have no. Are you playing the ball or you just bodying me the fuck off the ball? No, that was, yeah, that was an absolute. Yeah, that was a crazy.

It was weird. That now VAR, like last year they intervened too much this year. They're like, we won't do it. They're like, what is a penalty? Yeah. What even, yeah, what is this penalty you talk of? Because he, because I heard, I felt like the, They were saying it was kind of like a 50-50 ball,

so therefore it was just like a coming together. But it feels like had he not been smashed off the ball, Anthony Gordon gets a foot to that. Yeah, that sucks. In the middle of the park, they probably call it. Oh, it's one of those ones where they say, if it was, if you were else in the field, it would be freaking. You say, oh, God, yeah, yeah, whatever it is.

Yeah, exactly. It's definitely, no, it's definitely better. And also Newcastle would 2-0 up and then Walter Marte. It's hard to critique someone who gets a brace, but he had a nice chance, again, off of Gordon Cross, that you expect him. I think it was easier than his goal, actually, his second goal. He's like, that second goal is a lovely little fish and finish.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do quite like his celebration. He celebrates exactly how he looks. Like, he almost like just laconically just goes like, yeah. Yeah, like he's slow motion. Have you seen how he dresses off the pitch? I'd love to. I can tell I love to.

He is like a shop at high and mighty or something presumably. He's, I'm expecting shawls. He is shawls. He is flowy, fashionable. he likes to be fashionable with it all right chrome hearts like look at my genzy

fuck boy right here he said you want to hey you got any sins I know that part in Ecosso yeah you see that's ridiculous fashion you see fat

look at what the shades but you know what he's done that Cuevo yeah a little bit do you know what he's done that thing though where he's like

he's sort of he's an unusual looking man he has a little He got the meat out there, too. He had to draw up exposed. He's a little bit of a meat guy. Meat candidate. I mean, if he's even got a average size penis to his height,

we're looking at the world's biggest penis. How tall is he? I think he's 6.6. He's 6.6? Yeah, baby. Oh, shit. The announcers were hating him on this one. What did they say?

At least 6.5. He is 6.6. Indeed. Why do they always have to bring up old shit on the call? He scores the first one, and then the announcer goes, he's got his GPS right today Yeah

Or he's like His geography is correct There was something about like the redemption He's like Yeah he's on the road Firmly on the road To redemption now Can we know he's living the present

Yeah God damn I just scored a price All we What the fuck? Yeah Leave let the man live Hey we're refusing to let him live

And both teams Had some dreadful defending Bruno did not jump on that Reese James free kick No What the fuck was that Yeah It was funny how much

It was funny how much Rams they'll do that. It's something very funny about when a goalie really just like, yeah, Ram, yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, perfect, straight in. Well, actually, turns out I had, turns out I have no idea what I'm doing. Turns out I'm just doing, I mean, a lot of that

does feel like a goalie's just like, yeah, like, I think he was just like, perfect place to score. I think he was like, Reese James ain't kicking this. No, yeah, yeah. And then he's like, oh, fuck, he did. All right, fuck. He remember the same thought. There's no way. Yeah.

And then they're like, so don't do anything. Like, he was rude. Something about a right back or left back who's good at free kicks always throws me and I was like you can't really be good because you wouldn't be playing. I know he plays holding the field but yeah, you know what I mean?

But then, yeah, it's, they used to be, was it, uh, Shileveray, the goalie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Paraguay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need to what. You need a lot, baby, put that on the list. Oh, yeah.

Retro fat on there. Chilaert. Um, but both teams, yeah, I think like, uh, kind of what you expect to them both, they both flattered to deceive a little bit, have flaws that can be exposed. Chelsea got more of their players back but they just

yeah they just they they're well we're Mariska he's not helped does he because he's been bending down in yoga pants in front of the man city owners the last week when he yeah because now's starting to make sense when he was like I can't believe he's picturing someone bending out of yoga pants

these last two days have been terrible you need to get me out of here oh my God like I would leave with anyone at this point like as long as they have a car like seriously like I'm I am ready to go I'm read to go. And then you find out that he's top of their list in terms

of a pep replacement should he leave this coming summer. Similar baldy. Yeah. Yeah. And you wouldn't have to think too hard about him. I'm sure for them. It's continuity. It's like they've worked together. They think like you're going to do a similar thing. We have all the resources. Are you okay with weighing players at Christmas?

Absolutely. Then you've got the job. You've got the job. You've got the job. Question though. with Morgan Rogers now being too cold with his celebration is that a theft from our boy

apparently coal stole it from Morgan is Morgan did it first and then Cole is like my name rhymes of cold so I'm just going to do it and he's dumb enough

to use that and that's why I could do it because my name's cold like cold I don't reckon he was that I don't reckon he knew what was good I don't think he stole it

I don't think he has any other thoughts in his head. Apart from give ball to player, kickball and that. Who? Cole Palmer. He's not even aware of celebrations. And then someone was like, I think he was probably cold the first time he did. He was like, I should have wore like a thin layer underneath. I'm also pretty sure he's never heard Hey Jude before.

That was the intro music at St. James Park. And when he walked out, he had no clue what the phone was going. Just like, imagine looking at a guy, he or Hey Jude and be like, what the fuck is this? What is it? That's hilarious. What is this? That's so funny. Do you think he was just confused because they're like, isn't that the song for Jude Bellingham?

He's not here. Why they went Jude Bellingham's theme song? Yeah, he totally had their face. Yeah, he doesn't. He's a good player, but he looks constantly. Constantly confused. Yeah. There was, I got to find it there.

I felt like there was a photo that Anthony Gordon posted where Paul Palmer looked real goofy. I mean, that's highly believable. Or maybe he posted it. It was like they were both coming out of the tunnel and Cole Palmer was like this. He's always going to his mouth open, man. He's always got mouth open, man.

Keep that mouth shut, boy. He's the number one mouth breather in the world. Yeah. I mean, he's the, he gets hot mouth breathers out everywhere. Look, that's to your point. That's him reacting to Hey, Jude, I think. Yeah, straight up.

He was like, oh, that's so funny. That literally is gnar the moment he, heard John Lennon singing. He said, how did you think he's never heard the song? Why isn't this guy rapping? He hasn't heard a song from before like 2010. Yeah, probably. That's the deal.

He's like, man, the Beatles. The Beatles, aren't they insects? The bug? How would they? They're too small. They're too small to hold a guitar. I might be making, I assume he's got a Manchester accent, kind of, but I don't know.

I assume he does. He's from City Academy. He's generous. Let me know where he's from and I'll do a completely inaccurate accent. Wythenshaw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's that neck of the woods, yeah.

Okay. That's where white people know Jamaican stuff. Yeah. All right, bet. What's he? I need to go out of it. He's a quarter Jamaican, right? Oh, he is a quarter Jamaican.

I'm fascinated by white Jamaicans. I need to know more. Emel Smith, bro. That's why I'm on the show. The Elmiff Smith Road, cool, Jamaica. Yeah, yeah, his granddad is. Oh, shit. That's when when I was like,

Cole Germain Palmer This will name Germain And that is Germain to this conversation Let's take a break in when we come back I will panic about Arsenal Right after this And we're back Continuing with the action

Top of the table Everton Nill Arsenal won Well, thank God, because of a Victor Yacchara's penalty, he has basically scored all the penalties he's taken so far, starting from his first season at Sporting to now. So long may that last. O'Degar did the thing again.

He said, you know what, my boy, you could use one of these. Let me set that thing now. How many of those can you do? How many can you just do every player on the field, the bull passing to? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Until the Wenzor-Ref going to be like, all right, what a David Ryers up there with the ball? And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, no. It's like a problem. Everybody gets a time. Artetic. You don't put a that'll be. I'll put a face mask. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's not even, it's not even Oda.

God. Ah! It's been joccarus the whole game. The whole time. I will say this. This is the fifth season where we have been top of the table on Christmas. 2002, 2003. Oh, I like the sound of that.

0708. Oh, God, 07.08. I don't like the sound of this now. My God. 22, 23. Yep. 23, 24. And we've never won.

A single fucking time. We've been in this position at the top of it. Not this Christmas, baby. This is the one baby. I mean, this is the thing. This is why. I'm lucky. Yeah.

This is the thing I'm worried about is, yes, Everton only generated like 0.2xG or something like that. We look, they weren't really, they weren't really threatening us in that way. But God damn, we should be threatening them with some bit because we're going to talk about Man City. They're just rolling over people right now. And I don't like that. I don't like the ease at which they score,

but that is one of their strengths, the ease of which they score, but they're also set up differently a little bit. I can't help, but even when I hear all this shit about Victor Yacquerez and the jeans and shit like that, I'm like, there are so many times,

it's like we're playing with 10 men. And it's just sort of like, it's like that part of our vision is cauterized in the midfield to not see him there or not look to play that ball to him all the time. And I'm getting a little bit frustrated with that. I don't think this is all because we're not playing him.

I think there's also, he can also, I feel, to do a bit more. But there is something to watching the way we play. And I'm like, this is, we're not, we're not being vertical enough at times. And I'm really worried about that. Yeah, no, I agree. I think it'll be interesting to see when Kai Habits comes back. I think he will just become the number one striker, depending on how fit he is, depending on how he is.

But, but, yeah, no, they're not exploiting what he's good at, which is running onto the ball. Yeah. I feel like he's not good enough back to go. And that's fine. Exactly. And I feel like they play with all, you know when you play people all the time

and then you play at school and then like people don't pass the ball to certain people. I feel like the player's like, that's not going to stick if we passed him. Right. They know. They're like,

you think, oh, you think we're not passing? You think we don't see him there. You should, this motherfucking care can't receive the ball. But I don't, I can't believe that.

He seems to have, I've seen enough of him play where I'm like, there are moments when he can get in behind where he offers a little bit of threat. But yeah, he's not the Marino or Haverts type where he's going to play back to goal,

all that interplay and keep the ball moving. It's kind of like we do have to catch people a little bit off guard with him. And I just think, like, to your point, Haverts coming in means we have to relearn less of the game and we can kind of get back to how we're used to winning. And with Yaccharez, there's just, there's still a learning. I mean, there was with Haverts too.

But I think he also had a completely different skill set that made sense for him to kind of work in that. The one thing I will say is, like Liverpool, bedding in a lot of players and the fifth isn't it? Lost a lot of games. Arsenal, bedding in players

and still being first. Yeah. Is the glass half full as an Arsenal fan? And if you're not an Arsenal fan, then you can say whatever. But I think it's just going to be super interesting to see what's going to happen

and just trying to enjoy the journey guys. Yeah. But we'll see. The next week's going to be big, right? Oh, yes, it'll be. Right. And then Villar at home, I think. It's quite a kind schedule for Arsenal.

A lot of home games. Yeah, yeah. And the only a way. Weigham's Bournemouth. Yeah. It's pretty close by. So I think mid-January, we'll see in Man City. You've got some tough games.

But you're right. City, look, good. It is genuinely like attack versus defense. What's going to win out? Because if Gabrielle comes back, Arsenal always under attack has been defense first. But you do want the attack to be flowing a bit better. Well, like, for what we have, I mean, God, like, soccer. Listen, we had the chances, man.

Yeah. We also had the chances. Yeah, there was. We could have three-by. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was annoyed. Right. We were hitting the post, like that was the goal or something.

Honestly, honestly, I'm feeling kind of relieved. The past few weeks I had these feelings. I'm like, shit's unbalanced. Sure. We're too focused on defense and we're getting scored on. Like, what the fuck is this? Like, why not just focus on attack now? Right.

Switch it up if your defenders are all hurt. You got all these guys who can score. Why not switch it up? They don't know how. Long story short, us coming out of their one-oh and having control, felt, good. Because the past few weeks, we, you know, we're losing on last kick. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He saw Jay Zeus at the end made a big difference. He held the ball. He's done that many times for City. I do think it's just interesting. I think Arsenal have the best defense and midfield, like Declan and Zubi. Yeah. I think those are the best two central midfielder's in the world. And then the big thing at the moment online is, is Odegaard an issue?

Like, is he limiting Arsenal? But then you look at stats and he's got the most chance of great. So it's going to be that classic. Is it the hallmark of champions or is it a sign of wheel? coming off but um yeah i don't yeah i mean like right now it's definitely not like the wheels coming off it's just sort of like i'm to take a breath and really kind of get your shit out there again yeah we are eventually going to have to just beat the shit out of somebody yeah yeah yeah yeah because the players are like you can see declum rice at the end's like why am i still running 90 minutes yeah yeah i want to be

having a cigar of my feet up like yeah yeah exactly binders is doing and uh right shit what's jerky yeah we know smokes during the game 100% we already know He's vaping. Oh, yeah. There's probably a water bottle that they give him and he's like, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's electric lemonade. Do we think is this going to help with a little, um, and, and, and, and, and, and, yeah,

Everton is set up to defend, uh, but we should talk about that. I was very surprised that William Sleever didn't get penalty against him. Yeah. That seen him given. Yeah. Yeah.

I felt like that shit where there's like, well, according to the letter of the law, you know, like, you got to give the, I was like, I mean, we were all fully prepared. We're like, here we go.

I do hate those penalties. I will say, like, I think one was one of them in the World Cup final happened. France got one, where it's something about where the guy's trying to kick the ball. I mean, I know it happens anyway. If you kick the ball and hit the man, yeah, but it's just such a crappy. That's not, yeah, that's not like the kind of thing. It's like, especially if it's not a shot on, like you're just clearing a ball or getting a touch on it. Yeah, it's like the guy's back to goal.

It's like it's different than the Javi one too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Way less like a matless. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm just going to cope and say that shouldn't have been a penalty. Shouldn't ever be a penalty. And that was the right call.

And I was never worried about it even though I was. Everton gets fucked all the time. Yeah. That's just, that's, you can count on that like Christmas. Their new stadium looks fucking beautiful though. Yeah,

Ardetta would not stop saying that after the game. He knows how to make the fans still like him. Oh yeah. You were signing. You were signing a shit after the match. Nice stadium, by the way. Nice. That was like the first comment in the post game locker rooms.

He's like, oh my God. This is so good. But saying in a way like, I could not believe. He's, like, shitting on Goodison Park, basically. He's like, oh, my God, this, I mean, compared to the last. It's like, when somebody's going, you've lost weight.

Yeah. You were fat as fuck before. Why are you saying that? But isn't this place beautiful, Hill Dickinson, whatever the fuck, it's built right on the water? Anyway, I assume we were going to win in the first place. And then when I saw Grealish was playing, I got a little worried. Yeah. I give us a bonus point for winning with the Grealish out there.

Yeah, sure. I don't know if that means anything to you guys. I mean, he's, you know, he's a tricky customer. They were missing some players from, um, they were missing some players from gay in and I who are both very good for them but my wife is funny whenever she just hates Jack his face

she's just like I don't like his face she just thinks he has the face of Brexit oh wow which is pretty accurate but no I you know he looks like a dude who's like the biggest Johnny Depp fan right yeah yeah which is also a problem that's what I mean he's a hundred like it's a different angle I'm like uh to you

Brexit to me I'm like he fucks he's like I'm wearing the Johnny Debt like perfume right now like what clone. With like the coyote in it and shit. I'm like, what? All right. Everything he's got.

Really underrated actor dog. Everything he's got is made by a celebrity. Yeah. He's got like, he's got Dwayne Johnson tequila. Oh yeah, yeah. He's like,

you know, this is gin that Army Hammer makes. Army Hammer? What, man? What's he putting in it? I don't know. It's red though. Kind of chunky.

Kind of weird. It's sick. Dude, shit bangs. It bangs. Um, yeah, he's a big. I don't know.

He just looks. He looks like he loves dressing like Johnny Depp for like a, for Halloween or a fancy dress party. Thank you for translating. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. Costume parties for us out here in the U.S.

Yeah, so we'll see. Odegaard problem. I don't know. I mean, because every time when he was out and he came back in, we're like, okay, now he's ticking. Now he's getting the ball moving. But he gets the ball.

There are times, too, where he has the ability to play, like, beautiful final past. The mister yoker is. Come on. Yeah. That's a tough. And I've texted you this, and you argue, I do think on the break, he lacks like I think

Eza is a better final ball merchant on those countertext you have to do this pass like where you're running still like if he has a second to be stationary

because he's never running have you ever noticed every move he makes he's stationary he finds a way to be fully balanced yeah yeah but we'll see

we'll see in a few weeks what's happening yeah City 3 West Ham Nell Solomon it's all those videos on his YouTube channel.

Let's just talk about his YouTube channel, man. He loves to get hype. City's fucking rolling. I mean, obviously, it's West Ham too. I was watching the game with my son at 7 a.m. or whatever, American time, Pacific Standard Time. Okay. And I was like, maybe this all, nope.

That was literally, no. Five minutes. Yeah, five minutes. Playing West Ham is like the opposite of AP class. You get it under, it's like a 0.5. Like, if you would get extra credit. Right. Right, right, right, right.

It's like, you're supposed to do this. Oh, oh, they're like, yeah, man, like, but you're in the 12th grade. Why are you doing seventh grade math? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a standardized test kind of. Like, they set the bar at failure. Somebody. So I think we saw in the comments got West Ham listener.

And just so you know, we love Jared Bowen. That guy is. But that guy, so free Jared Bowen. That's all I've ever wanted. But you're saying it's mob dies? I mean, I don't know, it's mob, but Danny Dyer, English royalty's daughter is married to him His hands are a little bit tied

And maybe he's just like He can get touched Yeah I just think Or he won't get touched Christmas dinner's going to be a bit spicy Oh shit He might not get the juicy bit I left West Ham and I haven't had sex in five years

Oh yeah That's what I'm thinking You think I never thought of that Danny dies selling his daughter to withhold sex Wow Problematic Wow That's pretty

All right For him to even have that kind of control over the situation, pretty upsetting. I know how I'll keep him from leaving. So, I mean, is Danny Dyer my wife's dad as well?

Uh-oh. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah. Yama van Zant will be here momentarily to take care of all this. Okay, so wait, but the West Ham fan was saying what? No, he's just a West Ham listener and so

I just feel like, rather than just say, but I mean, even if you're a West Ham, they have actually pulled Undernoon a little better, but I mean, city away, they're never going to win it. Well, you know what, we shouldn't get to be fair. We'll probably have James Longman on, you know,

have them call in just to hear. So we do have some West Ham representation on here. We'll probably say the same thing who will be like, guys, we're not doing. He just, when I texted him after, Paketa,

got that sending off the other week. Same shit everywhere. Yeah. Just it wasn't even like, you know, he's joined banter of a friend. And they're just, and they're just like sad.

Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to send a fruit basket? I'm sorry. Well, that is a tactic of mine. A lot of my American teams are terrible. And my defense mechanism to those texts is making it seem like I might kill myself. He's not going to keep texting me if I don't respond because he's thinking, I got to make it feel like I'm on a bridge.

Then I post a story where I'm on a bridge. I don't respond to him and I'm just like. You like this. And then the caption is SMH. I know that move. Okay. You know that move. You're all right?

I was just checking a bird out up there, man. I'm good. I'm good. Anyway, you're not about to talk about the wizards, right? But City, yeah, City look for me, they look there. With Harland on Foreman, like you said, let's talk about his YouTube channel. That's where the money's at, baby. The money's at.

That's where the entertainment, because Holland is not interesting. The robot they were doing? No, pass. Okay. If you saw you got served, you would know that was, they were not hitting the robot there that first celebration. That was some Chuck E. Cheese shit they were trying. But again, Erling Holland's YouTube channel, a gold mine of just unfiltered weird ego.

He was in the Christmas spirit in this last episode. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He hates dressing up as himself. Put me in a costume. He's so famous. His favorite thing is to be in disguise, but in a way that it's so obvious it's still him. But around his fans.

He still gets recognized. Yeah. He got to. He dressed up as Santa. Right. He went with a full film crew. and is just Erling Holland in a Santa outfit

because he says he goes I think the voice will give away the voice will give away also the fact that you're six foot Yeah Mass is even with a beard You just look like Erling Holland

They're like okay But luckily you all got good marks For me right? To fool this time Yeah they're all children Who are obsessed with Manchester City Who will be wearing the kit The Man City kit

As they meet you So they'll have no fucking idea Who you are And they won't suspect a thing When this camera group comes to their house and this guy's giving shitty promotional calendars away for Man City. That was, that made me sad.

The gift sucked, dude. Give me a flag drive. He's got, I mean, yeah, give him something. Give him a PS5 or something. You can't give him a boot? One boot. Yeah, you're right. I guess to start, right?

No kid wants a calendar. No kid is. Oh, what day is it? Did you see one of the, one kid was really humble with it. He was, oh, yeah, that's useful. Like, he was being really polite. I was like, bro, what a dud.

You got this millionaire giving me free papers. What the fuck? Kids don't like a shirt. Anyway, the best thing, though, was so many of the people, like, as soon as he, like, exposed, like, was like, it's me. They're like, yep.

Like, nobody was like, yo, a couple times. He's been doing this for months before the YouTube channel started. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's his wife's like, where are you going? Yeah, going to pretend to not be me. His wife definitely sounds like him. Oh, again. Okay.

Just like a weird Batman. He just doesn't even, you fight in crime. I'm trying to not be me and get recognized. to be so sad in January. Like, there's no real reason to get dressed up. Unless he dresses as like a January 6th, like, rioter or something like that he dresses as the guy with the QAnon-Shama. Yeah, the QAnon-Sharm.

He goes around January the 6th, like, trying to invade people, breaking into his house. Yeah. They're like, what the fuck is he doing? It's obviously you do. Yeah. You got to come to MLS for that, baby. Yeah. You got to come across the pod for that. Man, but look, Holland, I hope you, I hope something worse.

Because what's funny is Cristiano Ronaldo, who is way a way bigger star than you managed to be out in public doing some shit before people caught on to him and he was wearing prosthetics and shit but he was doing like he be up he's like wasn't that in Madrid too and then he like then people are like oh shit

he's going to prosthetics at least you know what it is you also need the candid camera you need a hidden crew you cannot pull up with a crew like that I want to see him like busk or something learn how to play acoustic guitar play Wonderwall we should get in the comments

So what should we tell him to do next? I think that's it. One of us. Play Wonderwall. Just over and over. Yeah, get a Gallagher wig. Did they make it? Col Barmer is just like.

Eh? What? Yeah. Wonderwall. What the hell? Hang on, like a wall. Looks wonderful. What?

What? What? My mind is blown. How can you have a wall? My Wonderwall. Uh, what? Give what back to you?

How can you say we're, uh, partial with this type of riffing we're doing? Yeah. Everybody can get it. How can you look back in anger? I can, I can look for it. I'm not an owl. That's my,

this is me, Cole Palmer's stand-up scene. He just plays music and he goes, you know, takes everything literally. Yeah. You know, We're going through rap lyrics was like a big standard

The whole 90s. In this on any song. A wet ass Pussy. Why is an ass in a pussy? No, it's... What? You seriously don't know this one?

It's not... No. No. Wait. I live in an egg. I live in an egg all day. I don't know anything. A champagne supernova. Yeah?

What's a regular one? Yeah. Oh, my God. Anyway, also around the league. Bournemith 1, Burnley, Nill. Semenio, just or not being on nothing really interesting. Semino!

Yeah, where's he ending up? We think Liverpool or city? Sounds like, I mean, it's, it sounds, I read the Arsenal, won him and like him, but he doesn't want to wait until the summer, which feels just, come on, mate, just wait out.

I think he's a great player. Play on both sides. Has that Premier League strength? Yeah, yeah. Beaterman can finish. But Liverpool, I mean, they're desperate. I feel bad for Cody Gapho if he goes there.

Unless, would they play him on the, I mean, he plays them right as well. Maybe replace Sala because they don't have to sell a replacement. That is true. That is true. So, yeah, Liverpool seems like the move if I was him because City is stacked on both sides. I mean, you know what you're getting when you sign up for Man City. It's like, look, bro, you're going to be.

You're going to wait. You're going to wait at Christmas. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You're going to get way to Christmas and you might have to wait until next Christmas to play, depending on how pop in the starters are. Bright Nill, Sunderland Nill. Fine, great. Wolves Nill, Brentford, too.

Did wolves lose again? I do believe so. Well, I mean, that's, wasn't that the worst, the longest to win a game in Premier League history? They have equaled Sheffield United's record for most games without a win to start a Premier League season. Yeah. Keene Lewis Potter, just, one of my favorite.

Now, where is he from? I've not even looked it up, but he has, the name Keene is a first name is a confusing one, but I guess he's his, I guess he's just a brief. Yeah. Keene Lewis Potter. Oh, yeah, he's English. Another thing that I thought was exclusively American.

Kingston upon Hall. naming kids Jackson. I'm from North East the UK. But that's like a white people. That's what I'm saying. They got white people in America. They do? Last time.

They're different. I guess they're different. Because white people like to name their kids after guns too. You know, one of my new favorite things is saying. Like, Remington. I know, I met someone go Remington. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Truthfully told, America doesn't even have the real white people.

Our white people are like very like, grocery outlet, very like T.J. Max. Yeah, yeah. Are you the real, you're real. You're like the real mall. We've got like the outlet mall. We got that real uncut, Western Europe out here. Yeah, we got the runoff.

All that shit, y'all be fantasizing about. Yeah, you're white. There it is, the culture. Yeah, I'm 100% pure white. Your whites have been cut with, uh, all kinds. Baking soda. Yeah, yeah. Manehs soda.

I got baking soda. Fentanyl and mayonnaise. That's what they put in them. Keene Lewis Potter. It sounds like a, like you're just, saying like, man, that Lewis Potter, he's keen. He kept talking to that girl when she made it very clear she didn't want him to buy her.

Just a, yeah, euphemistic name. Oh, that's keen Lewis Potter over there. Yeah, he's, sorry, he's a predator. Sorry. Yeah, sorry. My sincerest apologies. Like the Adidas boot, man. He's a bloody predator. Leads for Crystal Palace

one. D.C.L. Come on, man. Best Best free signing of for a long time. It was always his injuries was the issue. That was the only thing. It was always like, can you take a risk? And so far, so good.

So good. Long made that last for you. He's leaning into the bad hair. He doesn't care about the ponytail anymore. Fuck this, man. It's very much like. Speaking of bad hair. Do you remember Ethan Ampadoo when he had the dreadlocks when he was at Chelsea? When Ethan Amperu was up and coming, he was at Chelsea.

And he had the gnarliest dreadlocks I've ever seen. They're just like twisted around crazy. Yeah, they were like. They were like. they weren't even wicks not like even like that like they were like really tiny oh yeah hold on now I gotta pull up Ethan like regular Cheetos as opposed to the puffs dreads oh my god oh my wow wow wow wow

he looks like he like he wasn't raised by a black parent not yeah and they just let his hair like it wasn't even dreads like there was no black person in his life they tell him how his hair needed to be kept oh my god man I bought LSD off this guy he definitely looks like the sick his hacky sack player in this truly all-star. Oh my God. He looks like his name is Nathan.

His name is like night wind or something. Yeah, yeah. Call me Starhawk, bro. All right. So Starhawk, you got the Mali? That's crazy. Yeah. It's $20. All right. Anyway, oh, the cops are coming. Keep it low. Keep it low. Yeah. Trevor Lewin's thing, very different. Very L.A. girl. I see a lot of L.A. girls.

Oh, yeah. Just having bad hair. But very confidently. Yeah, he likes to pull it back into a bun. Yeah. Well, he just go to He's scoring a goal a game at the moment. He's going to be confident with it. He's hot. I did feel but Pallas had to play a game

two days after playing a game. Yeah. Being punished for being in another competition. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's why I feel like they lit. They let him tomorrow. Yeah, yeah. Who bad so I'll say it?

Palace tomorrow. All right. Well. Should we see what the Fulham score is? Oh, yeah. As we record. 1.0 with 90 plus 6 minutes played. So it's 1.0 to Fulham

at Himes of Forest. Oh, who scored? No, he wasn't. Harry Wilson! It was Raul Jimenez. Oh, okay, big Mexico. Mr. Helmut. Mr. Helmut, playing with Mattel and his heads,

who almost certainly, against Doctor's orders, just loves the game so much. That thin-ass headband, he always wears. I'm like, that's enough? That's not enough. Because they said it was the same shit as checked. Have you, like, the descriptions? Yeah, he basically were around the injury.

They said the sound they'll never forget. Oh, I hate that. And I'm like, what? No, that's no. You will never, you, like, you knew. Oh, yeah. Gives me the willies. Yeah, yeah.

I don't even, I'm not even to say what the descriptions were, but I'm just saying they knew just off the strength of the sound. I even feel uncomfortable knowing that. You have to put that in your brain. Sorry, y'all. Merry Christmas. Just random bits and bobs from around the league. Like you kept referencing

Pep Guardiola is weighing players before Christmas It's ridiculous man I can't have one piece of ham I don't know what the fuck he's trying to say Damn

Like I'm in the fucking ballet Is this fucking black swan Yeah I don't know Maybe it might It might be Just how can you enjoy Christmas Knowing a random Spanish guy's gonna weigh you

In a couple days He's like do you want Do you want more No This is terrible Can I have some more chicken stuff I wouldn't even bought I just stay at

I just stay at the city ground I can't even have my aunt around if it's like this. No, she's going to keep asking me if I want Mac and Sheath. I'm going to go into diabetic shock this week from my holiday eat. I already know. And that's why I'm not a professional athlete, but a

professional podcaster. So, I really do feel back. But I think all these athletes, too, I feel like they're always asked this around this time. It's like, oh, you can't, like, what do you, you can't really eat? Like everyone, they're like, yeah, I mean, but I'm a fucking, I get paid millions of dollars to have a 0.2%

body fat. all. Yeah. Who are you most worried about? It's churkey for me. He's going to be, he's the one that, he's the one that gets Wade first.

Let's put it that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's the first on the scales. He's like, should we do this in like alphabet? Get Ryan. Ryan. Don't you walk up?

I don't stand at the back. Come on, mate. He's the reason they even pulled the scale back out. The scale. The scale. The scale. Mattis, Mattis.

He's like, okay, me boss. He's like, no, bro. Just get Ryan. Yeah, get Ryan up here. It's one of those ones where you can't say it's just for Ryan. Weighing everyone, but everyone knows it's for Ryan.

Because I'm sure people like going to Guardiola's office are like, hey, Gaff, is that, yeah, I'm going to make sure, yeah. Not man,

just shut the fuck up, bro. This is for Ryan, bro. He knows he's fucking wild. Ryan. And then he weighs Ryan. And he goes,

Ryan, you weigh three stones more. And then Ryan pulls his face up and it's Harlem. How did you know? They're like, with a tomahawk steak in him. But then they do it behind the scenes. And Pepper's like,

yeah, he just needed a win, man, I don't know. This guy. This guy. Just stop dressing. The thing you don't realize is he doesn't score goals unless he goes out in public and tricks people that is not him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's a lot of videos I haven't shown you all, but that's just so we kind of have to breathe like, oh my gosh, peekaboo. And he loves, he a baby, he's a baby. Peep also. A lot of pep news. Shutting down his. Tapass restaurant.

Oh, no. According to what? Okay, so everyone said because of the. Chancellor's budget? Well, that's what the headline is. So the Chancellor is the one that's every year in the UK, I think it's every year or a few months, the Chancellor, the Exchequer holds up a little briefcase,

and in it has a new budget, tax breaks, who gets tax more, the country's got no money, all this stuff. Unlike in America where, like, Trump just puts the country in a desert. Yeah, he just goes, whatever. Anyway, the Chancellor did something which apparently bad for the hospitality business, and I'm sure this is probably affecting people in the UK, so I'm not making light of this because I feel like if you're in hospitality, you have very small margins.

However, when I read the story, it's an extra £1,400 in tax that the restaurant has to pay. And I was thinking, I was thinking that their profit has to have been more than that. But that $1,400 is apparently enough for PEP to be like, shut the restaurant. Which makes me feel there's another reason there to shut the restaurant. That's an excuse for shine the restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People said the, with this article that you posted, said restaurant growers have hailed the location's food staff and atmosphere. One wrote on Facebook.

It was a lovely restaurant. Yeah, you all are fucking bootlicker, bro. I mean, where does this fall in them charges? Are they ever going to get charged for a financial misconduct? At some point, no. The fucking day that happens, bro, we'll have like a progressive tax system in the United States. I fucking doubted. I mean, I don't know.

I could hope. A boy can hope. It's not our government. I don't know. I mean, what do you think? Well, you believe in your shit over there? All I know is a friend of mine from a friend of mine. The way you're moving shit on something like you're about to drop a bomb.

I think it'll be this year. There'll be something, but Pepp wants to leave, and I think they're all going to leave. Hopefully it leaves, and then we actually won the league twice. We'll be free, yeah. The cost will be lifted. Yeah, whatever it is. But it's just funny.

Whenever Liverpool shit, the city plays well, and when Liverpool's playing well, the city's shit, just why can't just, and so like we're in this part now. I think city, this January will be, we'll see. The end of January, we'll see what's happening, because they let in too many. He's too easy to play through. I think West Ham got like nearly one.

I mean, Jared Bowen almost had a little, it was a bit of a tight angle, but, you know, I think they cough up to him in chances. We'll see. We'll see. Last note, if I'm Pep's a representation in the matter, I think the penalty should be half for small plates. Why am I, why is my fine? I only do small plate. Right. Yeah. $1,400? Maybe I'm only paying $700. These are tiny plates. Oh, yeah, yeah. These are little things. These are little things. Look, he was trying to bring a taste of Catalonia to Manchester. I don't know if it's as popular as he thought it was Yeah, yeah

Good driver Let's see So city have Forest next Then they are playing Sunderland Ooh Then they have a very

Then they're Then they play Chelsea And then they will be Against Brighton Three games Three tough games That's the Sunland away But all of Sondland's players

Are in Reporting for Duty Yeah Sir at Afcon Finally Patson yeah Yeah Pat's and, you know, so...

Yeah, we don't just talk Premier League. We also talk lower divisions, Lester City. Afcon, even. Where... Oh, you know I'm trying to sell you guys on Afcon. Yo. This is match day one, by the way. Did you see the bicycle kick in the...

Yes, the Morocco, the opening game, insane. I was just a sick finish. And the day has ended with a guy almost breaking his neck. Almost after scoring. Busting his whole shit. So Patz and Dhaka scored a last-minute goal for Zambia against Mali. and was winding up to do like, you know, a wonderful, what is it? Cartwheel into part-hand-spring.

I think he was going back-hand-spring. I love gymnastics. Like something like Nani used to bust out. That's why you love Afko in some of me. For real. Just in the celebrations. He went down and you couldn't tell. They showed a reverse angle.

Oh, the cartwheel, his left arm, his first arm that goes down, collapsed. That's collapsed. And then he just snaps his neck. He's like, you know what? would be cool if I had one ear pinned against the ground and my other ear pinned against my shoulder and my neck throwing up a gang sign. You can't admit you're injured.

If he is injured, yes, his play on for the next turn. You can't look anyone in the eye if you injure yourself doing a cartwheel. I did that before, like, a recreational league game playing some footy. I was doing, I was just doing some like stupid shit with my foot on top of the ball. Rolled my ankle in the warm up.

And people were like, you're all right. I'm like, yeah, I'm good. I played the match. Bro, my shit was so. Oh, yeah, of course. Absolutely. It's shame. And then everyone was like, bro, what the, I thought your shit was busting the worm? No, no, no.

I'm good. During the game. I'm thinking about something. When? You were on the bench most of the time. Yeah, it must have been something with the bench, man, probably. Anyway, man, can you carry me to my car? Yeah.

That was definitely, yeah, that. You got them vibes. He got up. He got up and he. That's safe. He's tossing that. Yeah. Yeah.

That's in DACA. We need an update. Because he probably, yeah, he probably compressed one of the those discs. Although I'm, I think my body is much more rigid. I would probably die if that happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like he got pushed out of a car, guys. I was brushing my teeth when you texted me that. I know I had that thing where I nearly just started spitting toothpaste everywhere. You're like, you're like a pushed out of a car. It's such a great description. Because you're like, there's no way you tried to bust your own shit like that.

The angle, the wide shot in full speed is like, dude. You were thrown from a vehicle. all right well that is going to do it for us today on ain't it footy we're going to be back maybe reporting on all the festive period if we miss a week we'll definitely catch up and condense two match weeks into one but i think we'll be back obviously because we're not going to stop watching thank you so much for checking out the show please like and wait this isn't you too i don't know what the fuck just listen they can give scones and subscribe pass it along to your other football listening friend who also likes a bit of amazingly dark humor. And maybe hates Tottenham. And maybe hates Tottenham. Or maybe they're self-hating Tottenham fan. And they want to just want to feel the dagger go in.

You know what I'm saying right there. All right. Well, Jamel Johnson, where do they find you? Broccoli House on Instagram. December 27th at Bubbing Popson, D.C., comedy. And, hey, for you people who don't like sports, the Brandon Jamel show is a podcast. Yeah, fantastic.

Chris Martin at Chris M. comedy and that's it I've got nothing else going on I'm Miles and I really have nothing else going on They do stuff They don't act like that

Happy Christmas To those who celebrate it Do you say happy Christmas? No I'm saying Yeah we do we do Oh yeah We say Merry Christmas And a happy New Year

But there's something Something like a happy Christmas in there But then it fucks up What you say for New Year So you can't say Merry New Year Don't feel right Happy Christmas You say and have a good new year

Doesn't sound as good Even though on New Year's You are being merry you might have a few. Yeah, yeah, you might get married. A happy Christmas is a Christmas isolated, but if you're doing the two, you go Merry Christmas. I like Happy Christmas because, like, the fuck is married, bro.

Yeah. And I don't know why. Like, I suddenly get hostile towards that. I'm like, fuck. Anything, you're not merry. Happy, man. I want a happy Christmas. The Mary J. Blige's Christmas album is.

Okay. This is all right. Shout out Yonkers. Left a little something to be desired. Okay. Y.O. Okay. And with that, we bid you.

Adieu. Have a great holiday. We'll see you actually before. the new year. So I'm not saying happy new year yet. Okay, peace. Peace. See you in the Carabelle final, bitch.