The Daily - ‘The Decision of My Life’: Part 2

Episode Date: December 20, 2021

This episode contains references to suicide and abuse that may be upsetting to some listeners.A few months ago, we told the story of N, a teenager in Afghanistan whose family was trying to force her to marry a member of the Taliban. Her identity has been concealed for her safety.N resisted, and her father and brother beat her, leading her to attempt suicide. Then she escaped.This is what happened after she fled her family’s home.Suicide Prevention Helplines: If you are having thoughts of suicide or are concerned that someone you know may be having those thoughts, in the United States call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 (TALK) or go to SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for a list of additional resources. Go here for resources outside the United States.Guest: Lynsea Garrison, a senior international producer for The Daily, spoke with N, a young woman whose life changed drastically after the fall of Kabul.Sign up here to get The Daily in your inbox each morning. And for an exclusive look at how the biggest stories on our show come together, subscribe to our newsletter. Background reading: Listen to part one of this story.Against all predictions, the Taliban took the Afghan capital in a matter of hours. This is the story of how it happened and what came after, by a reporter and photographer who witnessed it all.For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Transcripts of each episode will be made available by the next workday. 

Previously on The Daily. Hello? Hi, how are you? My colleague Lindsay Garrison told the story of N, a teenager in Afghanistan whose family was trying to force her to marry a member of the Taliban. They want to give me to a Talib because they think if I got married with a Talib, then the Taliban will not kill her.

You know, they will not be a danger for us. But I can't. She resisted. And now every day they're beating me. At first my father beat me and then my brother. And they abused her, which led her to attempt suicide. You'd rather die than... Yeah. The only person who is with me and home is my mother.

My mother, she's always saying that I know this is wrong, but I can't do anything. Then, she escaped. After that, I decided that I want to leave this home. I want to leave home. Hi, I want to tell you about more things. So if you have time, you can call me. I want to share something with you. From The New York Times, I'm Michael Barbaro.

This is The Daily. Today. You know, something happened to my family. They attack to my family. I could not sleep all night because my family was in danger.

What happened to N after she fled her family's home? The world must know the real face of these bloody pupils, these bloody Taliban. I'm very angry and I want to tell the old story for you. It's Monday, December 20th. After Anne left her home in the fall, we kept talking on the phone and exchanging voice memos. Almost every day.

She told me a volunteer aid worker who had been helping Afghans in need helped get Anne to a safe location somewhere in Afghanistan for the time being. Anne was hoping she would eventually evacuate the country. And while she was waiting, she told me something terrifying happened. One of my friends, she was our neighbor, and I was messaging actually with her. And a message comes to my phone.

with her. And a message comes to my phone. And she wrote to me that some men that have guns comes to your home. And I think your family situation is not good. It was exactly

Anne's greatest fear. My hand was shaking. That because she had left, now her family would be targeted by the Taliban. I was not good. I was not feeling good. And her mind started racing. I was just praying for them, and I was praying for them that Allah help them. She told me she felt like this was all her fault.

I was thinking that I'm so selfish. I left my family alone and I left them in danger. I was thinking like that. Anne was desperate to know exactly what had happened, but she didn't want to call her family herself. She had just left home and didn't want to call her family herself. She had just left home and didn't want her family to have her number or any way to access her. So she asked her best friend to call her mom instead. And this is what she said she learned from that phone call.

My father, he engaged me. I don't know with who, but he engaged me. It turned out that just before N had left home, N's father and brothers had lined up a second talib for N to marry. And the plan was for the engagement to become official at the end of the week. They decided to come to our home on Friday for my engagement. And my father was, he promised to him, and I will give you my daughter, like a promise for them. So when N disappeared just a couple of days before, it shattered the whole arrangement.

When my father saw that my daughter is not at home, then what should I do with those people who I promised to them that I will give you my daughter? So what will I do with them? Suddenly, N's father had to figure out what he was going to do. He decided to call those people that I want to cut this promise. I will not give you my daughter. And when he told them, they told that she is my wife,

like she's my fiance, like this. N said that apparently the Taleb's family was pretty furious. It was a huge embarrassment because they had already kind of told people. It's a big deal for an Afghan to tell to everyone that this girl is my fiance. They told that thing for their whole family. And they did not accept it. After that, you know, they told that, oh, just bring your daughter to us.

Instead, they made a threat. If you didn't bring her, then I will kill your family like this, like a blackmail. I'm not in there and I don't know the real story, but it was like that. I'm not in there and I don't know the real story, but it was like that. According to N's mom, it was just after this, on the night that N was texting with her friend, when all of a sudden the lights went out in her family's house. Our home's electricity was cut. It was totally dark and N's mom peered out the window to see if maybe there was a power outage in the neighborhood. And she was like

what happened with electricity? She was thinking like that. But she saw out of window every home have electricity but our home's electricity was cut it. Everyone else's lights were still on.

And that's when N's mom's heart froze. She saw that some men are coming from the walls to the room. She saw in the shadows six men with rope and guns. Guns, a rope. Climbing over the wall of their courtyard. They were climbing the walls to of their courtyard. They were climbing the walls to come at home. The family started panicking.

They started yelling. And everyone was loudly, they want help. And they just tried to make a noise that neighbors come to help them. And my small brother, he act like he has a gun and he's trying to shoot the man. And his little brother started talking loudly about shooting one of them. Come on, I won't shoot that one. You know, there was no gun with him, but he acts like that. And eventually, the family made enough noise that some of the neighbors did come out to see what was going on. And that's when they just gone. The men ran away. N said her family never found out who exactly the men were who came to their home that night,

but her family was convinced that they were members of the Taliban. It just felt like too big a coincidence after N's dad had broken off the engagement. They were searching my family. They were searching us. And they told that, we will take that girl from you. I decided that if my family is in danger because of me,

then I will go and I will marry to a Talib. So you were prepared to change your mind? Yes. If my family is in danger because of me, and if the danger can be solved by marrying a child, then I will do that thing. At first, she thought about just going back home. But then she remembered the aid worker

and how she got N to a safe place. And N wondered if maybe the aid worker could do the same for N's family. She didn't want to be with them, but if they could at least be safe, that would give her some peace of mind. So N brought this idea to the aid worker and the aid worker said she would try. And so then, N was in this state of waiting. N, how are you doing today? We continued talking just about every single day. I'm fine. How about you? Are you fine?

Exchanging voice memos, calling each other, texting each other. Hello. Sometimes just passing the time. Can I ask what's your dog's name and being in that state of limbo was sometimes hard for n I haven't sleep all the nights sometimes she sent me a voice memo in the middle of the night. Exactly now, I wake up from my sleep because I saw her dream.

Some days were just really hard. I'm not good. Not at all. Hey, Ann, just checking on you today just wanted to see how you're feeling if your headache is any better um if you're feeling any better and just check on you uh hi how are you i wish you you're. And thank you so much that you're asking. But then she also had these days where she was happier, where she seemed to kind of find herself again. Positive energy and some positive power.

Her voice was lighter, stronger, louder. Today I feel good because, you know, I went to help some families. She started working with the aid worker, helping other people, often women, who are in need of basic necessities like shelter, food, money. I was really happy today, and I am, because I save a family. It gives me, you know, it gives me wings. She seemed like she was really coming alive again. Now I'm playing with my kitty. She's really naughty and she bites me. And she's cute also.

The aid worker also gave her this little kitten. Look at her eyes. The aid worker also gave her this little kitten. Look at her eyes. And she's sleeping. And she'd purr on N's chest as we chatted on the phone. What are you making? We called it carrot bread.

Carrot bread. And also started keeping herself busy by cooking food for families and volunteers around her, like these flatbreads rolled into pinwheels with shredded carrot and spices inside. I can cook hard food, you know, but I can't cook egg. Oh. I can't do that. Yeah. You can cook like gourmet meals, but not an egg. Yeah, like this.

It's not my fault. Yesterday was the first time that I have ride on motorcycle. And it was a big fun and the air is touching your face. It was my dream, you know, to ride on motorcycle so close. It was best feeling to be like a bird and it has a great feeling. Finally, after weeks of waiting,

N got two pieces of good news. For one, the aid worker told her that she was able to successfully get N's family out of their home into a safe location in a different neighborhood, away from the view of the Taliban.

And two, the aid worker told N that they had secured her a seat on a flight. Today, it's like a miracle for me. She would be evacuated out of Afghanistan and to the United States. Like, yeah. We'll be right back.

be right back. When Anne learned that she was going to get out of Afghanistan, she said the aid worker told her that she needed to get ready pretty quickly. The flight could be ready within the next few days or perhaps a week. But regardless, it was imminent. I was not the girl who had the expectation to leave and to make her dreams come true because there was no way. And she told me that the first thing she wanted to do in the U.S. was to go swimming. Yeah, swimming. Because I love water. Yeah. But before she left, I'm going to see my mom from near tomorrow.

You are? Yeah. She decided she wanted to see her family one last time, which on one hand made her really nervous. What will be their behavior? What if they were angry with her for leaving them? What if somehow they forced Anne to come back home? Yeah, I worried about that.

But Anne said she was ready to take the risk, mostly to see her mom. I just need her hug and a kiss from her cheeks because, you know, maybe I can't see her for many years. And so I'm sorry. I just want her hug and I will miss her. You know, tomorrow is like a big day for me. Like, I will see her and I will say goodbye for her.

It's also a happy day and also like a sad day for me. Like bittersweet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. sad day for me like bittersweet yeah yeah yeah oh I'm really like I think I will not sleep this night I'm counting every minute like this. Well, hopefully the minutes will go fast so you can see your mom. Yeah. Hello?

Hi, Anne. Hi, how are you? Hi, good. How are you? I'm good. Good. How did it go today? Yeah, it was fabulous. When I called Anne the next day, she told me how it all went. I cook for her.

She told me that that morning she cooked one of her mom's favorite dishes. And she put on some makeup. I'm fresh and I'm happy. And wore her newest hijab with black and white checkers. And then she went over to the secure location where her family was staying. She walked up to the door, took a deep breath, and her little brother flung it open. When he opened the door and seen me, he just jumped and hugged me. And after that, I was, go away, where's my mom?

Then Anne kind of quickly brushed past him to run to her mom. When I saw my mom, I hugged her tightly and she cried. And I kissed her face, her head, cheeks. I kissed her everywhere. En's mom looked at her face. Yeah. I told to my mom that, look, I cut my eyebrows. She said, oh, you know, you look beautiful.

And Anne gave her the food that she had cooked. I said, oh, I have food for you. And then they just talked. Yeah, we talked too much. She told about her cat and I told about my cat. Yeah. and I told about my cat. Yeah.

And said her mom would try to bring up everything that had happened that had made Anne leave. But Anne would quickly change the subject. Change the topic because I'm tired of this topic. And I said no to myself that I'm there to make some happy moments. And like this, I know my pain, but i should have you know the memories yeah i have to ask like was it was it hard to see your brothers after everything of course. Yeah, yeah, of course. But I don't want to remember the bad things.

My focus was only for my mom. The only person who wasn't there was N's dad. My father was at the shop, and he said that he went shopping. Her mom told her that he was out running errands. And while N hadn't planned to see him, since the visit was going so well, she decided she would stick around and wait for him. And I was waiting for him, but he didn't come.

But he didn't show. N figured he was maybe angry with her. Maybe he wanted to see me. I don't know. And eventually, she had to go. Mom, I have to go. And she said, oh, why you're not sleeping there? I said, no, there is no time.

She and her mom traded necklaces with each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I exchanged and I bring my... And took her mom's perfume. Yeah, I bring that with myself. She said they hugged for several minutes. Yeah, you know, I want to use every moment because, like, I can't trust on time and on life.

For that reason, I'm just... I'm sorry, like, I'm just, I'm sorry. Like, I'm just, I'm getting emotional, but I don't want to do that. I was just saying that I just want to capture every moment. And then she said goodbye. do you think there's ever a day and when you'd want to talk to your family about those things that happened or would you rather leave it all behind i will not talk but i will show them you'll show them i will show them I will show them by making my future yeah I will show them yeah you know I have saw last night a dream that I'm catching fish yeah I'm in a beach and I'm catching fish and I saw the meaning of that dream and it was like someone who's going to have more knowledge and who reached to their dreams.

The meaning of that dream was like this. Yeah. and thought she'd be leaving soon after that. She waited for news of the flight, and waited. Days passed, a week passed, and still no flight. Hey, Anne.

Hi, how are you? Hey, good. So what happened? I just got a news that the flight that I was going on it, I can't go because like some of the reasons that I don't, I'm not legally, I can't go.

Apparently, the aid worker helping Anne told her that there were some questions that unexpectedly emerged about whether Anne's case fit the State Department's criteria for evacuation. So she couldn't get on that flight. I asked the State Department's criteria for evacuation, so she couldn't get on that flight. I asked the State Department about this. They won't comment on specific cases, but a spokesperson informed me that they are prioritizing the evacuation of U.S. citizens and Afghans who have worked with the U.S. government. The spokesperson also informed me that there have been challenges with some privately organized flights trying to evacuate Afghans who haven't been cleared or aren't eligible to come to the U.S. But they wouldn't comment on whether N fit that situation. So when N got this news, she immediately worried about the future.

If she couldn't leave the country, there weren't that many options for her. In Afghanistan, to be alone is too hard. No one allows someone to leave alone, or a girl. I was just thinking that I'm not educated, I haven't went to college, or I can't do a job And what should I do now? And without seeing a future, Anne could only see the past. Now I can go back to my family

if I go. Then it's like, you know, like the past will repeat once more. And like, oh. And that happy moment that she had just shared with her family faded as she thought about what life was actually like with them.

In a Taliban-controlled Afghanistan, she knew what they were capable of if their lives were threatened again. If I went to my family, I don't know what will happen. I just don't know. How should I face them? And what will they do? They will beat me again for no reason.

I'm really scared of that everything will repeat back like I'm sorry I'm sorry but as she continued talking her fears eventually turned into something else. I was telling to myself that how stupid was I that I, you know, I think that, okay, my life could change.

Anger at herself. I was blaming myself. Why you saw those dreams? Why you saw dreams about your future? Like, why I, you know, I grew hope inside of me. Why I have done all those things? You're angry at yourself for having some hope? Of course.

You're angry at yourself for having some hope. Of course. I'm angry for my own self. Yeah. And I was thinking that nothing was like a miracle. I was wrong. Now it hurts. I'm just thinking that I wish God would give my life to a person who could use it in a better way.

Because I can't use it. It's just a stupid thing. I don't... I'm sorry. I don't... I can't use my life. The cage. Yeah. Thank you. The aid worker helping N is trying to think about other options for her. As the law stands right now, there aren't a ton of legal channels that fit a case like N's.

She's not a U.S. citizen or a permanent resident, and she didn't work for the U.S. government. So the aid worker thinks her next best chance to get evacuated to the States is by applying for a kind of emergency approval known as humanitarian parole. But under government protocol, Enns would need a sponsor

and have to be vetted and screened in person at an American embassy before getting approved and right now there is no U.S. embassy in Afghanistan so N would have to go to another country just to finish her application a prospect that doesn't seem very realistic right now N says movement is hard these days A prospect that doesn't seem very realistic right now.

N says movement is hard these days. Just the other day, N was stopped at a Taliban checkpoint and questioned. So for now, N is still in limbo. Back to a state of waiting. Life is just playing games with us. You feel like you're in a game. Yeah. I'm the loser of the game. I'm the thing that life's playing with me.

It's just like a jail, like a cage. අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි We'll be right back. Here's what else you need to know today. If I can't go home and explain it to the people of West Virginia, I can't vote for it. And I cannot vote to continue with this piece of legislation. I just can't. I've tried everything humanly possible. I can't get there. On Sunday, during an interview with Fox News,

Democratic Senator Joe Manchin of West Virginia said he could not vote for the president's sweeping climate and social spending bill, Build Back Better, in its current form, calling it too big and too expensive. You're done. This is a no. This is a no on this legislation. I have tried everything I know to do.

That decision would doom the nearly $2 trillion legislation since Manchin's vote is required to pass it in a closely divided Senate. But it was unclear whether Manchin, whose concerns have held up the bill for weeks, could vote for a more scaled-down version of the bill. Manchin's remarks appeared to blindside the White House, which has been deep in negotiations with him.

In a sharply worded response, White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki accused Manchin of breaking his promises to both Biden and congressional Democrats, but said that the president would still seek to win Manchin over. And over the weekend, New York State set a new daily record for COVID infections, reporting nearly 22,000 cases. Epidemiologists said it appeared that the highly contagious Omicron variant was moving quickly throughout the state, just as an earlier variant of the virus did back in March of 2020. We expect Omicron to be a fast and temporary phenomenon. We expect these next weeks to see a very, very big surge in the number of cases, more than we've seen previously. During a briefing on Sunday, the mayor of New York City, Bill de Blasio,

predicted a short-lived surge in infections. And then we expect, after a period of time, that it will dissipate. Today's episode was produced by Lindsay Garrison, with help from Daniel Guimet. It was edited by Anita Bottigio and Larissa Anderson, contains original music from Marion Lozano and Dan Powell, and was engineered by Chris Wood. Our theme music is by Jim Brunberg and Ben Landsberg of Wonderly. Special thanks to Alyssa Rubin, Laura Jakes, Michael Benoit, MJ Davis-Lynn, Rojean Jeckhead, David McCraw, and Douglas Shoresman. That's it for The Daily. I'm Michael Barbaro.

See you tomorrow.