The Daily - 'The Decision of My Life': Part 3

Episode Date: October 13, 2022

This episode contains mention of suicide.A year ago, Lynsea Garrison, a senior producer on The Daily, started telling the story of N, a teenager in Afghanistan.N’s family tried to force her to marry a member of the Taliban, but she resisted. When she tried to escape to the U.S., however, her case was rejected, so she had to remain in Kabul, fearful and in hiding.Here’s what happened next.If you are having thoughts of suicide, and you live in the United States, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TALK). You can find a list of additional resources at SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources. Additional resources in other countries can be found here.Background reading: Listen to Part 1 and Part 2 of N’s story, which we first began to follow after the Taliban’s takeover of Afghanistan.A single year of extremist rule has turned life upside down for Afghans, especially women.For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Transcripts of each episode will be made available by the next workday. 

Previously on The Daily. Hello? Hi, how are you? A year ago, my colleague Lindsay Garrison started telling the story of N, a teenager in Afghanistan whose family was trying to force her to marry a member of the Taliban. They want to give me to a Taliban because they think if I got married with a Taliban, then the Taliban will not

kill her. You know, they will not be a danger for us. But I can't. She resisted. And now, every day, they're beating me. At first, my father beat me, and then my brother. And when they abused her, she attempted to take her own life.

You'd rather die than... Yeah. That's it. Eventually, she escaped. But when she tried to leave the country and come to the U.S. I just got a news that I can't go. Her case was rejected. I can't go.

So she remained in Kabul, in hiding, fearing the Taliban would find her. Today, what happened next in the story of N? It's Thursday, October 13th. You know, I told you that it's hard for a girl to live alone in Afghanistan. Like, Taliban are in there, and I don't have a brother now, I don't have a father now, and I don't have a mom now. So I'm alone. And in Afghanistan, to be alone is too hard. Like, no one allows someone to leave alone.

You know, a girl. And I was thinking that, oh, what should I do now? I don't know. After N found out that the State Department refused her evacuation request in the winter of 2021, she tried to make a new life, living on her own in Kabul. She took a job working with the organization that sheltered her when she left home. And now it was N, helping provide shelter and other necessities to Afghan women and families in need. N would go on these deliveries, handing out stipends for food, rent, even heat in the cold winter.

But as she walked along the snowy streets, moving from family to family, she noticed the city was starting to change. I walked and saw it was snowing. And I look at one side of the road, there was a man who was writing in a paper. And then Taliban put a gun on his head and yelling on him, what are you writing? What are you doing? Like this.

And everywhere I'm watching something, you know. All around her, she was seeing the Taliban put new restrictions on people, especially women. There is a new ministry of Taliban. The Taliban turned the country's Ministry of Women's Affairs into the office for the religious police. They told the taxi drivers to not allow the girl who's alone to enter on a taxi. Women were forbidden from traveling longer distances alone, unless accompanied by a male relative. They do not allow the girl to go alone with somewhere.

Women in cars were frequently stopped. A case happened in Kabul. That girl, she come from the wedding of her friend, and then the Taliban kill her. I have listened one story. They beat one girl. Women's dress fell under more scrutiny. Because she wears jeans.

And N started taking precautions. In every checkpoint, in every road, they're stopping. She wouldn't leave the house without hiding her face with a COVID mask. I'm changing my clothes three and four times just because. If she had to leave multiple times a day, she would be sure to change her clothes each outing so the Taliban wouldn't recognize her and become suspicious of her movements.

On the morning I wake up from sleep and I saw that there were around 35 Taliban. One day the Taliban searched End's building, knocking on doors. Searching for someone or something. She avoided them. But if they had caught her, she feared what would have happened. These things make me so scared yeah and while the walls closed in

it felt to end like the world wasn't paying attention we are coming on the air because the war in Ukraine it was the winter of 2022 Russia had just invaded Ukraine. As Russia's invasion of Ukraine enters... And all eyes were on this new war, not the end of an old one. Russian President Vladimir Putin...

You know, for the world, last day was Afghanistan, and another day is Ukraine. And maybe another day will be another country. It's only like for them. Just a story. But I face every moment of it. Like Afghanistan has left the world's attention.

Yeah. No one care about it. Nothing is going to change. Nothing. Nothing. Hi, how are you? I'm sorry that I didn't answer your message. Today Taliban catch me.

And I was in this Taliban station for almost two hours. So maybe, yeah, I was on there. After nearly three months of living on her own in Kabul, N messaged me to say that the worst case scenario had happened. She'd been detained by the Taliban. As soon as I could, I called her. Actually, we went for a survey

the new cases that we had and to meet them from their own homes. She explained to me that she had been out visiting several Afghan families, delivering rent and food stipends to them. And she was working that day with a young man who had fled his village

in Kandahar province and was now in hiding again. We take a taxi for going to another family's home. The two of them were on their way to the second family on the list when there was a checkpoint. They saw a Taliban checkpoint. And they stopped our car and they asked from the driver They saw a Taliban checkpoint.

And figured the Taliban suspected they were boyfriend and girlfriend. So they quickly made up a story. I said, we are family friends. And I was going to my aunt's home. So there was no one with me. So for that reason, my father said, go with him. And the Talib opened the door and took the hand of the boy and pushed him out of the car. And then he just slapped the boy who was with me.

So I scared and I come out from the car and I said, leave us. Then he said, bloody woman, go and sit on the car and then quickly and very discreetly tipped off one of her co-workers that they were in trouble. Then she started deleting all her pictures, her videos, her phone numbers, all her messages from her phone so the Taliban wouldn't discover them and then find out who she was. And then we reached to the station. N and her co-worker were then driven to the Taliban police station. N and her co-worker were then driven to the Taliban police station.

After that, we entered the office. There was, you know, around 25 or 30 Taliban on there. On everyone's hand, there was a gun. On everyone's. At the station, an officer started interrogating N. Why you were in one car with that guy? Who is he? And she tried to explain herself. He said, shut up, bloody woman. Don't talk. Then everyone was walking, you know, in front of me and everyone was looking at me and everyone was whispering.

And looked around her. She was the only woman in the station. Like all of them was looking like, you know, the dog is looking at the meat. Everyone, you know, everyone was looking at me like this. And I just, when I look at their faces, and then I start crying. You know, one told it, you know, loudly said that she's not human. She's not a woman. She's a bitch, like this. Yes. And couldn't call any of her contacts. So instead, she kept repeating a prayer.

And then a text popped up on her phone. It said, call me. It was N's aid worker. The aid worker told the police that they had mistakenly arrested two charity workers who were providing rent money to Afghans who couldn't afford it. After that, he laughed and he said, why you haven't told before that? And he said, you're working for helping food for people? I said, yes. And he take my name. You food for people? I said, yes. And he took my name.

You're this person? I said, yes, I am. Then he said that, okay, okay. Then he went out. And after that, he come and he said, you can go. Both of you can go from there. They released both N and her coworker. But to N, it was too close a call.

You said that you gave them your name. Did you give them your real name? Yes, yes. Does that worry you that your name is out there? Does that worry you that your name is out there? Yeah, I'm afraid if, you know, if by any reason they catch me or then there will be no way that, like, it was my luck this time. They released me at another time. What should I do? I'm afraid of this thing and I'm thinking too much about it. Being detained that day made N think about a story her mom used to tell her growing up.

Yes. Many times she repeated that story for me. Her name was Nahid. Back in the 90s, N's mom said she knew a girl named Nahid. They went to the same school, and N said her mom would often recall how beautiful and intelligent Nahid was. But then one day, a group of men came into the apartment building where Nahid lived. The story goes that they threatened to rape her and to escape. She jumped out of a high window. Whenever Anne's mom would tell her this story, Anne was left feeling confused. Why shouldn't she fight? Why she haven't fight? Why didn't she fight?

Why she had dance suicide? Why she jumped? Why she haven't fight? But when I saw there was more than 25 bands, I just told to myself that she was right. Because you are a girl and you doesn't have that power. Yeah. After being detained by the Taliban and feeling so powerless, Na'i understood why Nahid did what she did. I don't have a fear from dying. I have fear for my, like, for a girl.

Like, the rape. The rape is the baddest thing for a girl. And after, when I went to the station after that, I have put one thing on my back. It's for shaving. Oh, a razor? Yeah, I have used that before for cutting my hand. Yeah, I have put one packet of it on my back.

Because, you know, like for me, I have to leave these almost three months alone. And I accept aloneness. I will not allow someone to do anything wrong with my right. almost three months alone. And I accept aloneness. I will not allow someone to do anything wrong with my right, the right that I have. Yeah. N knew now that if she was forced to make the decision, she'd make the same one as Nahid.

So for that reason, I just put that one on my bag. N grew more and more desperate to leave the country. She thought it was only a matter of time before the Taliban found her. She had a humanitarian parole application in with the U.S. government, but she had no idea when they would process it. So she decided to take a bus to Pakistan. But in April, the day before her bus would have departed, she got other news. Hi, Anne. Hello.

Hi, how are you? Super happy. Good. What happened? I'm going to Qatar, maybe on this Wednesday. Wow, Wednesday. That's so soon. Yeah. Qatari officials had heard of N's story, and they granted her a temporary visa. Yeah, it's, you know, I cannot stop my smile.

You know, I destroy all my dreams, everything. And now I can see a little shine on my lawyer dream. And that's awesome feeling. Yeah. I'm happy that I'm alive. We'll be right back. Do you know what time on Wednesday the flight leaves? In the morning. Wow. So you really have

Monday and Tuesday. Yeah. I have two days. I have to do a lot of things. In two days, Anne would board a flight for Qatar, where she would wait while the American government assessed her parole claim.

But before she left, she wanted to see her family one last time. She knew it wouldn't be easy. She hadn't seen her dad since the day she fled their home. And the last time she tried to see him, he didn't show up.

She figured he was angry with her. Like every time when I saw my mom, I went on there with that hope that I could see my father also, but he didn't accept seeing me, hug me or forgive me. So you hope he kind of accepts you? Do you think he will? I don't know. I wish, you know, one day he will think again that his daughter is drunk. You know me, his daughter, I'm strong. I wish. The night before her flight to Qatar, N arranged to meet her family for dinner.

It was Ramadan, and so they would break fast together. N went out and bought a bunch of food, these potato stuffed flatbreads, dates, apple juice. But before she met her family, the aid worker told N she had something to tell her about her father. When she told to me, I was like, quiet. She told her the real reason, that her father didn't show up the last time she tried to meet with him.

Back when N first left her family, a small group of Talibs had come over to her family's home. They demanded that N's father keep his promise to hand over his daughter. And if he didn't, they'd take him instead. After that, they came for the second time and they took my father with themselves. So you're saying one of those nights that they actually took your father? Yeah. The aid worker told N that the group of men abducted N's father, took him away from Kabul, and detained him in an unknown basement with a few other prisoners.

My father, he was tortured. They beat him heavily, injuring his back. and detained him in an unknown basement with a few other prisoners. They beat him heavily, injuring his back. They gave him a small piece of bread in the morning and one at night. He lost a lot of weight. He was held there for more than three months. She said he only escaped when some Taliban officials came to that basement and disrupted the whole operation. The aid worker told N that her mother knew her father was missing the last time they met.

But she decided to keep it from her. She didn't want N to do anything rash, like try to give herself to those men to save her father. You know, when she told me about it, there was nothing. It was hard. It was like statue. As she was setting the table, N was still processing what the aid worker told her. And then the door opened. And my father,

when I saw him, he was... Um... N's father walked slowly through the door. He was bent over and seemed to be struggling. In the seven months since N had last seen him,

her father had transformed into an old man. He was physically not normal. He was not normal at all. He was so weak. He was very weak, you know? Like when he was looking like 10 years more than his age.

And I controlled myself 10 years more than his age and uh i i control myself to to not cry i i said hi to him and i kissed his hand and then he kissed my head and my my brother, he wanted to start what happened with him. And I said, no, no one should talk about all these things. We should eat. We should break our fast. They all sat down together, Anne's father a little more slowly than everyone else. They said a prayer, and then they broke fast. And while they were eating Anne watched her father out of the corner of her eye

when he was eating he can't use his hand and you know I promised to myself that I will not cry again. So it's, it was hard. She felt a constant stream of emotions churning inside of her.

Guilt over her decision. You know, I become selfish. I left the home. I just think about my future. Guilt over her decision. Resentment that she was even forced to make that decision. that she was even forced to make that decision. Nothing was my fault, but the thing that they have done with me was too wrong. And then just a sense of unease about seeing her family again,

sharing a meal with the same people who are willing to give her away. I was scared also. Why were you scared? Because for me, the thing that they have done, it was like, it become for me like a dark dream. It was too uncomfortable for myself. It was a fear inside of me. But at the same time, she still longed to be a family again. Toward the end of dinner, N suggested they all take a picture together. I smiled on the picture and I said, yes, everyone is together after around seven months.

We are all together. But to this day, she hasn't been able to bring herself to look at it. I don't want to see those pictures. I don't want to hate myself. I'm sorry. It's okay. You know, I'm thinking I'm responsible for everything, for everything. While I was not.

Like one side I'm thinking, no, I'm not. But another thinking is like, I'm responsible for everything. I'm responsible for that. Hi, I'm in the waiting room and I'm waiting for the flight. It's on 9. I think it's after 30 minutes or 45 minutes. The next morning, N sent me a voice memo. She was at the airport. It was going to be her first time flying on an airplane and her first time leaving the country alone.

She had one small suitcase with her, packed with makeup, sneakers, and a figurine of the Statue of Liberty. Then she boarded, and the plane started to fly, my heart was, I was so scared I would die now. Because it was scary just to be in a huge object flying through the air? Yeah. In high place. And when I saw Kabul from the plane, one feeling was like leaving everything.

And another feeling was the excitement for, you know, my dream. When it was landing my ears, it was like, oh, shit. Too pain. Yeah, your ears are popping. Yeah, and I cannot hear a sound. But when I was looking at the outside, the city was too beautiful. Yeah, it was very beautiful. And everyone was asking for me, are you alone? Are you alone? Are you alone?

And I was saying, yes, I'm alone. But I was feeling proud. When she landed, Qatari officials scooped her up from the airport. They delivered her to her temporary home, this kind of compound where other Afghan families were living. She got an apartment all to herself, a home to live in while she waited for a response from the U.S. government about her application for humanitarian parole.

And over the next several weeks, the people caring like a young girl tasting the real taste of life. She went swimming for the first time. I wear that tube to people who don't know how to swim. Like a flotation device? Yeah. But at least I learned a little bit. She even took a short class at the Georgetown University Satellite Campus in Doha. She got a certificate for most improved student. I was not expecting that. I said, oh my God, I'm like, I was feeling so proud.

Then, nearly four months after she arrived in Doha, the news about her application to the U.S. government finally came. Hello? Anne? Hi, how are you? Hey, I'm good. How are you? I'm good. So, I mean, I just want to hear about what exactly your lawyer told you.

Actually, I was, because like now it's almost four months that I'm in here in Doha. So, like I said, maybe I will call to my lawyer or ask her what's the new update. Then she texted me and she said, do you have time for talking? I said, yes. And then I was like, you know, like wishing to hear good news. Crossing your fingers. Yeah, yeah. Then she said, because you're my client,

so I want to tell you that your case has been rejected by U.S. Oh, man. Yeah, and I don't know for me, it was the last option. I can't even, like, say how I feel now. I was expecting, like, a bright future, you know? Like, I was thinking, yes, I feel now. I was expecting a bright future. I was thinking, yes, I did it. But now

I don't even know what to do and what would be next option. In the rejection letter from the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, they said there was not sufficient evidence that N was at risk of serious harm in Afghanistan.

Some of the evidence they look for is whether an applicant is facing serious threats or whether they're a member of a targeted group. In the end, N's case didn't meet their standards for urgent humanitarian reasons for parole. And when I reached out to understand why, they didn't comment on the specifics of her case. What does that feel like, N, to sort of not be able to see what will happen next? It's like you're stuck and nothing is in your hand. you're stuck and nothing is in your hand I cannot

make any change on US decision if they doesn't accept my case then I have nothing to prove it I cannot do anything and I cannot say anything for them

I don't know what to do now or what will happen next. And I don't even have the right of saying why. I mean, one of the things that I've been thinking about, Anne, is that there are a lot of Afghan women in your situation who didn't work for the U.S. military, but still have carried a cost of this war. Afghan women, they've sort of fallen through the cracks in a way. Do you think that Afghan women aren't being regarded the way they should? You know, the war that happened in Afghanistan, it was not because of women. Women doesn't even like fight,

but they're like stuck between the war you know like it doesn't matter who did wrong but everything will come on woman hmm even like I swear I was thinking oh I haven't even lived like a normal human in Afghanistan you know it's like I was feeling like an alien like an alien I guess I mean one question I have for you because it's been one full year since all of this started and so I'm aware that so much has changed in your life in the past year, but also so much has also stayed the same. So I'm just curious how you're feeling about the past year now that it's come full circle. This is one year, but it has like, you know, so many days and every day was so hard for everyone now I remember everything and in my own life many things changed you know like I got hurted from my

family I saw difficulties many of them and I know many things that happened with me was not normal. But on that time, I think my option was choosing marrying or maybe die. But now at least I have many options, many other options. I even learned so many things. I learned as a human, as a woman, my rights. I also deserve to be released. I also deserve to dream,

to struggle, to make it true. And now I think and I believe if something bad happened with me, I know there is also something good that's waiting for me. And I believe that. Can you see the difference between the first day that I talked with you until now? Yes. To me, it seems like you're a little more at peace with your decision. Did I talk with you until now? Yes.

To me, it seems like you're a little more at peace with your decision. Do you think that's right? Yeah. I can see the difference. Such a very big difference. You know, now I'm thinking that cutting my hand, you know, doing suicide,

I almost have like around four and five marks in my hand. The scars? Yeah, the scars. But, you know, I'm feeling proud of it. They're like marks of survival now. Yeah that's the mark for surviving for me it is. I'm happy that at least I'm strong I

can fight and I did. N. Zoyer has appealed her case for humanitarian parole with the United States. It's unclear when her case will be resolved. Since around the time the Taliban took over Afghanistan, only 500 of the nearly 50,000 humanitarian parole cases submitted to the Department of Homeland Security

have been approved. For now, N remains in Doha on a temporary visa. We'll be right back. Here's what else you should know today. We, the jury, have reached our verdict as to damages in this case. We award damages to each plaintiff against Alex Jones and free speech system. I'll see as follows.

A jury in Connecticut ordered the conspiracy theorist Alex Jones to pay nearly a billion dollars to families of victims in the Sandy Hook Elementary School mass shooting and to an FBI agent who responded to the scene. The family sued Jones in civil court over his promotion of the lie that the 2012 shooting never happened and that they were actors hired as part of a plot to take away people's guns. The family said at the trial that they were threatened and harassed for years by people who believed the lies told on Jones' show. The verdict is the second big defamation judgment against the InfoWars host. In August, a Texas jury ordered him to pay nearly $50 million to the parents of another child killed at Sandy Hook. Today's episode was produced by Lindsay Garrison. It was edited by Michael Benoit. Contains sound design by Marion Lozano. It also contains original music

by Marion Lozano, Dan Powell, and Alishba Etube. It was engineered by Dan Powell. Our theme music is by Jim Brunberg and Ben Landsberg

of Wonderly. That's it for The Daily. I'm Sabrina Tavernisi. See you tomorrow.