The Daily - The Parkland Students, Four Years Later

Episode Date: August 31, 2022

This episode contains detailed descriptions of a mass shooting that some listeners may find disturbing.A trial is underway in Parkland, Fla., to determine the fate of the gunman who killed 17 people at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in 2018.The trial is expected to last for months, forcing people in Parkland to relive the pain of a day they have spent years trying to put behind them.We look back at conversations with some of the survivors of the 2018 shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School.Guest: Jack Healy, a national correspondent for The New York Times.Background reading: The rare trial of a gunman in a mass shooting has underscored how massacres shatter families and communities over time.As weeks of painful testimony and videos unfold to determine whether the Parkland gunman will face the death penalty, students who spoke out about gun violence have encouraged engagement and changed the national debate.For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Transcripts of each episode will be made available by the next workday. 

From The New York Times, I'm Sabrina Tavernisi. This is The Daily. In Parkland, Florida, a trial is underway to determine the fate of the gunman who killed 17 people at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in 2018. Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in 2018. The trial is expected to last for months. And as it goes on, people in Parkland are reliving the pain of a day they've spent years trying to put behind them. Today, we go back to a conversation that my colleague Jack Healy had right after the shooting with some of the students who survived it. And we learn what's happened in the time since.

It's Wednesday, August 31st. So I flew down to Parkland, Florida, and spent a week trying to get to know some of the kids who you didn't necessarily see at the vanguard of the movement that sprung up in the wake of the shooting. One day, outside of the school, I met Brooke Harrison and her parents, Denise and Robert. We talked for a little while, and a couple nights later, I met up with Brooke and several of her friends. Will you guys tell me about how you know each other? I know her from elementary school. I went to private school. The girls all sunk into a sofa together to talk

as their parents sat outside on the patio and chatted with each other. I've known Annabelle since seventh grade. I've only recently met Maddie. We've known each other since fifth grade. I've known youabelle since seventh grade. But I've only recently met Maddie. We've known each other since fifth grade. I've known you since middle school. So they were Victoria. Alvarez.

Eden. Eden. Madison. Zeltlanger. Two girls named Madison. Maddie and Madison. They called each other. Annabelle Worthington.

Annabelle. Brooke Harrison. And Brooke. Okay, and then 14. Do I play soccer? Okay. Annabelle. And Brooke. We talked about the activities that they pursued. I hang out with my friends a lot. And a little bit about, you know, what they love to do as kids. So they were telling me about school, an English class, and writing an essay. About education, right? Education for like women. Practicing for FSA. We've done so many.

We were argumentative though. Yeah. And our desks normally aren't in rows, or in groups. They're normally in rows. Which honestly I think was a blessing because it was a lot easier to run. Can we just know where my desk is? What usually is right there. No, but my desk was right in front of the door. That's why I saw the gun. Because when I looked up, I saw him walking by. You did?

I didn't see. I saw his feet or like something. He was wearing a hoodie. That's why. And then they started telling me about the shooting. I saw his feet or like something. He was wearing a hoodie, that's why. And then they started telling me about the shooting. I was writing my essay and then we heard the gunshots. It was like, it was one after another. It was like, yeah.

And so in my head, I thought like, oh, like firecrackers, you know. Nice. Had anyone ever set off firecrackers in this world before? No. But I just figured, I was like, okay, like firecrackers, you know. Nice. Had anyone ever said off firecrackers in this world before? No. But I just figured, I was like, okay, like firecrackers. And then I remember the glass door breaking. And for some reason I ended up, like, I don't remember this part. It's kind of like blurry, but I remember being on the floor. I want to say I heard like a crack of like a shell and I was like, oh.

I remember like opening my eyes. I was on the other side of the door. I was holding the teddy bear I had gotten. And then I guess that's when it like came in and I realized what was happening. Their entire classroom explodes with gunfire. And I remember putting my hands over my head like a tornado drove just because I didn't want any like glass or anything hitting me. Because you can feel like the stuff like falling onto you. You could smell it in the air.

I cannot describe the smell. It wasn't like a fire. It wasn't like anything. It was gunpowder. Gunpowder has a smell. But when you smelt it, you knew that's a gun. That's a gun. And there was a lot of smoke.

Yeah. So much. I can't even explain it. It was hard to breathe. It was like a big cloud. And if you saw my bag now that we got the bag. Yeah, it was so much. My bag was a black Tony Burch purse.

There's white all over it. All over. I just got a new purse. It's like dust. Yeah. You can tell that it's gunpowder. Does anyone have a bullet hole in their backpack? Because I do.

Really? I have a bullet hole in my backpack. You do? Can I see it? Oh my gosh. But there's no like bullet in there, right? No. Like bullet casing or anything.

It was really fast. If there was. That's terrible. One of the things that these girls have done to try to understand what happened to them on a grand scale is to try to understand moment by moment what happened to them on a micro scale. So this is the diagram.

You can see this is the door. This is the wall that connects to the hallway. And so the night that we chatted, they all drew a diagram of their classroom where each cluster of desks was, which student was sitting at which desk, and where the students fled once the bullets started flying. This is the TA desk. This is the TA table. And there's windows right here. They drew

images of where certain students were when they died and they drew images of where they believed the bullets were coming in from. This was, it was just like a map of the day that their childhood ended.

Okay, so basically this is where I. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so basically, this is where I was sitting. I was facing the door. Alyssa was facing me. And then... The shooter was firing through the window of the classroom door, which the student said was locked. Ms. Harsh, I guess, had, like, some kind of cardboard. So I, like, kind of, like, took like took that and like put it over my face.

To try to like disguise you or just to like shoot. I don't know if it did anything, but I thought that like, I just thought that if he saw my eyes, he would shoot me. Yeah. Because I was right across from the door, right? So I'm like, I have to cover myself. I feel like my whole world was spinning and everything was going in slow motion so that the shots were just like, boom, boom. You know when you're watching a movie and you see it happening, but you're not there?

That's exactly what it felt like. It's like an out-of-body experience. That's exactly what it felt like. That's not my school. When I thought about this, about being in a school shooting, and the one thing that I've always said that I would do is text my mom, I love you. And I'm like, thank you for everything.

And I was so mad at everything that I wasn't going to be able to get to do that, and I was going to die and not let my mom know that I loved her. And then she shoots through our door, and there's glass, like, all over, like, in front of me. And then I just hear, like, a few shots happen over here, and then I see Alyssa, and she's just, like, standing like this, and then she, like, falls back.

And then it, like, goes silent. And I'm, like like screaming her name. Yeah. And then she like didn't answer. When the SWAT team went into the next door, they were yelling like, oh, like, injured, like, go to the blood, like, get out. They were yelling at the class in the store. And I remember holding my teddy bear, screaming, like, please come get us, please come get us, please come get us, please come get us. And it took hours.

I felt like hours for them to go from that classroom to ours. The SWAT officers stormed into the school. They yelled into the classroom and asked whether there was any danger inside of the classroom, anyone with a gun. The students said no, there wasn't. And then they fled. I remember Xavier telling me, put your hands over your head. Yeah, I just remember just from seeing all these mass shootings and people running out put your hands over your head? Yeah, yeah. I just remember just from, just from like seeing like all these mass shootings

and people running out with their hands up, I didn't want to be the person who they thought was, I know that it's, but I just put my hands up. And I ran, that's when I ran. They fled through a hallway that they described as being lined with SWAT officers and they burst out into the daylight and ran through a parking lot

and to the edge of the school grounds. And so that's what I just remember, like, running for my life. Yes. And did you see the dogs turn? I remember seeing the dogs barking, and then that's when it kicked in, and I was like, let me get out of here,

and I ran. I ran from school to parkland golf that's so far it's so far it's far it's really far i was in jeans i was in a sweater they did that i remember it looked good for that day because it was they literally took like my favorite outfit for evidence because there was blood on it. I was wearing my... I didn't give them my stuff. Oh, I...

I went home. I washed my teddy bear. They asked me, you got blood on anything? I said, no. I know. I didn't give them my teddy bear. I didn't say no, but my parents were like, yeah, like, it's in the wash. Like, let me see if there's blood.

So I was like, thanks. The teddy bear was the only thing I got out of that class with. It was the only thing I was going to keep. Mm-mm. In the two weeks since the shooting, they have been spending a lot of time with each other, going to sleepovers, going to memorials. We were going to another viewing after we had two funerals that morning and

then a viewing for Luke. And then we were going to Gina's viewing. What we thought was Gina's viewing, but, um, instead we walked in and my best friend and I, we walked in with our moms and they, it was kind of weird because my, we were all wearing the pins with with the the ribbons and um and they asked what what the ribbons are for and we were like okay this one's for jamie and this one's for gina and this one's for for stoneman douglas in general and so they were like oh that's

cool and then so we walked into the funeral home and they handed us this card and we were expecting to see like gina's face on it but it was this guy named ron ronald and this old guy here you can see the picture and we're like okay that's not you went to the wrong yeah and so we figured out that it was like the wrong day these girls are pretty resilient and they've actually been able to find some light moments in all of this. So now you get to celebrate Ron. Yeah. We were like, thanks, Ron, for making us laugh. Wait, did you see him?

So when we talked, these girls were incredibly composed and even laughed at times. But then they are still just like tumbled back into that day. That's all they're saying to me too. They're like, it's fine. It's going to be fine. I feel broken. I feel defeated. Yeah, me too.

Like that's not like, it's not right now in my mind, it's not going to be fine. I will never get over the feeling of being broken. They don't like, all of us have lost like our friends and classmates. And they're just like, no, it's normal. It's fine. But it's not like fine. It's not like fine. Nothing feels as fine.

But like, I'm like traumatized. This is trauma. PTSD. This is PTSD. Especially for what we went through. PTSD takes 30 days to heal. Maybe we saw people die. I can't close my eyes without looking up and seeing the gun.

Like seeing Alyssa's body. Mine is seeing Alex and the bullet holes through the wall. I see it happening in slow motion. We talked for about two hours, but it was getting late. And we had to wrap things up because after all it was a school night how are you feeling about about going back tomorrow i'm so scared i'm excited i'm happy because i want to see my friends i'm excited my friends but i'm so scared to go they're right it's a part of the healing process um at the same time i don't feel ready i'm not ready to go back but there's

i don't know if i'm ever gonna feel ready ready to go back. So you might as well just get it over with. Get it over with, rip the bandaid off. I'm scared. I'm like, I'm desperate to see all my friends, but like, I'm scared. We'll be right back. Hi. Hey, good morning.

The next morning, I showed up at Brooke Harrison's house at about 6.40 to be with her and her mother as they got ready and went off to school. Do you want to take this in the car? Okay. So normally we would try, we try to leave by 720. Okay. We've been leaving at 730 for a 740 start, but you know, we do live close. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Brooke skids in at the last minute, but we're not going to do that today. Yeah, yeah. That's your norm. My first period teachers don't want each day. Don't care, though. So it sounds really bad, but, like, if—

And she and her mom chatted and— I'm honestly not that hungry. I want something like a piece of toast. Her mom made bacon and toast, and Brooke some coffee with milk and three scoops of sugar in it. She wore her burgundy Stoneman Douglas t-shirt and she put on a burgundy pin to commemorate the shooting. Oh, Mom, can I have $5? Because you know how I told you Eden was making the necklaces? So this girl, Eden, not the Eden who came here, a different Eden,

she's making these really cool necklaces that have a burgundy stone in it and two silver stones inside for Douglas. And they're like $55 and they're so pretty. So I wanted to, she's donating like it all to the victim's fund. Oh, nice. So I wanted to get one. So at 723.

OK, are we ready to get in the car? Yeah. We hop into their SUV together. Do you want me to sit in the back with you? No, no, no, no, no. Sit in the front. Yeah, absolutely. And we drive through the community.

Oh, no! Oh, very great. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had bacon in my pocket. Five second rule. How do you feel? Are you excited?

Are you nervous? I'm very excited just because I haven't seen just so many people since the incident. Yeah. So I'm just happy to like give like hugs to everyone. Yeah. And then I'm also kind of nervous because I feel like I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going

to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, I'm going to be many people since the incident. So I'm just happy to give hugs to everyone. And then I'm also kind of nervous because I feel like if I see something that reminds me of Elena, I'm gonna cry. Or like if during lunch where I see where she used to sit, because she used to sit in the same spot.

And after probably about 20 minutes or so of driving, we pull into a circular driveway that leads to one of the doors leading into the school. It's making me sad. Mom, please don't cry. I know. I think she's cried more than me. Okay, so you're going to go to the cafeteria, get your schedule.

Yeah. All right, text me or call me if you need to. It was really nice talking to you. Brooke and her mom hugged and kissed each other. Thank you. Love you. And she hops out of the car and heads back into school. I love you too.

One year after the shooting, my colleague, producer Claire Tennis-Sketter, spoke with Brooke and some of the other students. Was there ever a day when it felt normal, ever? Like in your whole last school year? It kind of never feels normal. Yeah, no. But like, we have like a new normal, I feel like.

My normal is like... About how they were navigating the rest of high school. Yeah. I just feel like so guilty. It's like getting up every day. Yeah. Like sometimes. Like they're supposed to be here. Like that whole thing wasn't supposed to happen.

Yeah. Brooke and her classmates graduated from Douglas High School last year. They were the final class of students to have attended the school at the time of the shooting. Recently, Claire called Brooke one final time to find out what's happened in her life since. Hi. Yeah. Hi, Brooke. How's it going? It's going good. How about you?

Good, good, good. Thank you for making time to chat. Oh, no problem. So Brooke, tell me a little bit about your life now. What's it like? Well, I am now a sophomore at Emerson College in Boston, Massachusetts, and I couldn't be happier, really. It's the happiest I've been in a really long time, and it was my number one choice of school, and I love it. I love every second of it. And is any part of that love related to getting away from the dark history that's attached to Parkland? Oh, it definitely is. I think everyone imagines graduating high school.

When you're a teenager, you're like, oh, I can't wait to be independent but like for me it felt like oh my god like I'm finally like free from this place that has like caused me so much like pain and like torment and who has like drastically like affected like my mental health I knew for a fact that like for college like I needed to get away and have like my own space and be like in a place where that like couldn't really necessarily like follow me completely if that makes sense has it followed you um in ways like I had to celebrate my like first anniversary like without like my family or like without being in my hometown, like in college. But my roommate is also from Douglas. So we both got to be there for each other.

And like, it's been nice to have someone like there for me, who I know is like going to give me that comfort that like I need in that moment. And what's it like at college? I'm just curious, is being from Parkland, is that part of your identity? Is it something people know about you or is that more private? It's one of those things where if I decide that you're going to be someone that I get close to, that it's friendship I want to have or like relationship or like partnership I want to have in the future, that is something I have to share with them for them to truly like know me and like understand me. Why is that Brooke? Why do you want people to know?

Well, for just from a mental health standpoint, like I have just like sometimes really bad PTSD and like, I do have like anxiety attacks. And sometimes I do go into like miniature like depression episodes, like when a school shooting comes up, like that will last for like a couple of days. And also like it is kind of like a trigger warning as well. Like maybe if like a shooting just happened, maybe like if I tell you that you think twice before you're just like talking about it all the time. And what's it been like? Of course, there unfortunately have been more shootings in the past four and a half years. What's it been like for you to live through these shootings

like you've all day recently? It just feels like a slap in the face. Like, to be honest, like I'm always like sad every time because I remember like what it was like like to live through that every day. Like I can remember it literally like it was yesterday and what especially when you see like all like the people who's died like their families and like especially like when it's kids like young young kids like at elementary schools like it just breaks your heart and it feels like

no matter like what we do like nothing ever really changes and it is just like the biggest slap in the face and it is constantly re-triggering especially when I see the same failures that I see like in my like high school where like cops aren't going in to help in and like they're telling people like to stay back and just like not doing their jobs I just get like very angry and it's completely heartbreaking. Brooke, do you stay in touch with your classmates from Stoneman Douglas? To be honest, no. The only time that we really talk to each other is we have this group chat on Snapchat.

And every anniversary or even sometimes when there's a shooting that's all over the news, we'll reach out to each other and be like, love you guys like hope we're all doing okay but um constantly in touch no the trial of the shooter is ongoing what what has that been like for you um it's been very hard i've watched um all of the trial videos from people that bed in my classroom and that was unbelievably hard to watch hard to watch because especially like so many of them were saying like things that I have like vivid in my memory as well and so like it's very hard to like have someone else like basically tell like your memories back to you but through like their own lens like I had like a full like mental breakdown about it that like we still have to like deal with this and like especially like felt so bad like everyone in that room like had to like look at the shooter and like make eye contact with him

but some of them even had to like point him out in the room and like fully like acknowledge that man and I thought I was gonna have to do it and a wave of like relief went through me like when I realized I didn't have to but then what happens like when you're in this kind of connected thing with people is that you realize if you're not doing something that someone else is. Like if I'm not going to that rally, then they are. If I'm not giving this interview, they are. If I'm not going on this trial, they are. And what does that feel like? Honestly, it's still like survivor's guilt and like or like just really just general guilt because you realize while you get like a second like to breathe and to kind of be at peace and not put yourself through something extremely like

triggering and like traumatic they do so even though all the students who witnessed that day have moved on it's still it's still with all of them oh a thousand percent I think I think like sadly it's going to be something that's with us for like the rest of our lives and I think as like we get older we'll just learn how to like process it and deal with it and like like how to manage it better but I think it's something that's with us for forever because how could it not be? While like the shooting definitely did shape me, I'm like so much more than that like horrible vet.

I am so much more than this like survivor in the statistic I like in my own person like in general and I think not being constantly surrounded by that has like really reflected that to me that I am my own person and that what happened to me and like my community is not me thank you brooke oh anytime have a good one you too bye We'll be right back. Here's what else you should know today. Mikhail Gorbachev, the Soviet reformer who ended the Cold War, died on Tuesday in Moscow. He was 91. In his six years in power, Gorbachev tried to modernize the sputtering Soviet economy

and open up Soviet society, efforts known as Perestroika and Glasnost. He sought to end the nuclear standoff with the West through a series of arms control treaties and outreach to Western leaders, including Ronald Reagan. Come here to this gate. Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate.

Mr. Gorbachev. Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall. Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall. Gorbachev believed he could reform the Soviet system. But the economic and social changes he unleashed ended up pulling the country apart. In 1991, Kremlin hardliners staged a coup against him. He resigned and the Soviet Union dissolved into 15 independent countries. In a televised address, he said the country had earned the world's respect by opening up to it.

Today's episode was produced by Claire Tennesketter and Sydney Harper. It was edited by Lisa Tobin and Anita Badajoe and was engineered by Chris Wood. Our theme music is by Jim Brunberg and Ben Landsberg of Wonderland. That's it for The Daily. I'm Sabrina Tavernisi. See you tomorrow.