The Daily - The Parkland Students, One Year Later

Episode Date: February 14, 2019

It’s been a year since the shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland. We went to Florida this week to check in on some of the students we met 12 months ago. Guest: Clare Toeniskoetter, a producer for “The Daily,” spoke with four students who survived the shooting. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily.

From The New York Times, I'm Michael Barbaro. This is The Daily. Today. It's been one year since the shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland. Daily producer Claire Tennesketter went to Florida this week to check in on some of the students we met last year.

It's Thursday, February 14th. Last year, a few weeks after the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School shooting, my colleague Jack Healy went down to Parkland and interviewed a group of freshman girls who were in the first classroom that the shooter went into, classroom 1216. When I thought about this, about being in a school shooting, and the one thing that I've always said that I would do is text my mom, I love you. And I'm like, thank you for everything. And I was so like mad at everything that I wasn't going to be able to get to do that and I was going to die and not let my mom know that I loved her. And in that classroom these girls saw eight of their classmates get shot. And then I just hear like a few shots happen over here

and then I see Alyssa and she's just like standing like this and then she like falls back. And three of them were killed. So Jack interviewed the girls, but I was the producer working on the Daily episode. And over the past year, I just haven't stopped thinking about them. I've thought about them each time there's been another mass shooting. I thought about them on election night. And I thought about them just pretty much every time I've seen a group of teenagers. So as we approached the one-year anniversary of the shooting, I wanted to check back in with them. So I flew down to Florida, got the group back together at one of their houses.

This cup, if that's okay. They grabbed a few snacks. Chocolate. And they all settled in on a couch. Tell me who you each are. I'm Jade. Jade. And Jade, how old are you?

15. I'm Maddie, and I'm 15. Maddie. I'm Brooke, and I'm 15. Brooke. Eden, and I'm 15. And Eden. I'm Brooke and I'm 15. Brooke. Eden and I'm 15. And Eden. And you're about to turn 16. Yep.

And they immediately just started talking about the last time they were all here together in the same room. I feel like it's like after you see somebody in a movie and it's during something. And then when they have the 10 years later and they like cut their hair and like all. I feel like that. I mean, I did change my hair. Like I feel like a different person. Yeah. Than who I was like when I was last sitting here.

Yeah. What do you think you felt like then? What do you feel like now? I felt like I feel like now. I don't know. In a way, I feel like like burnt out a little. Just like. It's like I feel like I've been through hell. Yeah.

Like, hell. This year has been exhausting. And at that moment, I feel like I was so innocent. What were those first weeks back like? So it was about halfway through the school year. And what was a typical day like? Did it feel like normal school at all? No, being together was the only good part about that.

It was weird. Yeah, it was weird being back. The setting was different. And then it's just like that, like, such, like, that feeling. That empty, that someone's not there it's like oh my god like the kid who sat there like died yeah was there ever a day when it felt normal ever like in your whole last school year it kind of never feels normal yeah no like we have like a new normal i feel like my normal is like seeing the 1200 building every day yeah

and like having like flashbacks and then moving. Or, like, oh, like, that happened. Yeah. Exactly. After, like, three months, I would say is when, like, it wasn't all we thought about all the time. Like, that wasn't the feeling. Like, summer was a good time. Yeah.

Summer was great. Summer was a good time. Yeah? Yeah, I'm not going to lie. Summer was good. Summer was, like, I i was like i'm a happiest and we were finally away from the building every day i wasn't sure if summer would feel good or bad being like because then you don't have that built-in support group but were you did you stay

with other douglas students enough during your summers like our friends and stuff like that completely understand like at least for me like i talk about with them all the time and i for sure feel like i can trust them more than i can like a therapist because they like understand me and they know me so it's a lot more personal so your friend your friends who are also in school yeah exactly like I don't talk about it with anyone like no one I just can't like not even friends like not even my closest friends it's really hard for me to talk about it because my closest friends like most of them like weren't in the building like weren't and like it's just like yeah Like what is it gonna help me to talk about it? They're gonna feel bad for me and then what like

How's it feel right now? Yeah, I think it's different when like there's someone in the building Because all of my friends that weren't they feel like they can't like even talk to me about their day because like they don't want to make me feel bad that they're talking about it which like that sucks because i want my friends to be able to talk to me about it like i have no problem with like people who weren't in the building talking just don't act like where i was and where you were is the same thing yeah that's my only thing don't even try to compare it yeah it's just like it's it's different it's. That's my only thing. Don't even try to compare it. Yeah, it's just like, it's different. It's different.

It's completely different. Shifting into the new school year, how did it feel coming back? I hated it. It was awful. Yeah. It was just like, oh, we're back here. So one of the things from my understanding about going back to school last year is everyone who was at the school was there on the day of the shooting. But then when you came back to school this year is everyone who was at the school was was there on

the day of the shooting but then when you came back to school this year for this new school year there's now a new class there are freshmen who weren't there yes what is that like not good the thing is like some of them are actually very nice and very understanding and accept the fact that like they don't know anything about it and they're not going to ask because they know it's disrespectful. And then the other half are just... Wish that they were there.

Just wish they were there and are trying so hard to get attention from it in any way possible. And they post pictures of the building. And so does the host. Like, you don't have any... Have photo shoots. And they think it's not...

Photo shoots there. You've never even been in the building. How are you going to post a picture of this? My sibling was, like, at open house. I don't know. But, like, they think it's funny. And they're, like, dropping textbooks, popping things. Oh, my God.

Like, someone that has serious PTSD could be, like, right next to you. Wait, so they're walking through the halls and, like, making loud noises, dropping textbooks. I was taking classes all the time. I was taking math classes. One of them. It's just so cruel. After the pep rally, I was walking back to class to portables and we were right in front of the freshman building and one of them popped a water bottle right in back of me.

Right in front of the freshman building. So it's more than just like one nasty kid. It's like a lot of them. They just don't have, like they don't have like, they're not considerate. They don't know what they're doing. They don't give like empathy to the situation. They don't think, like, they don't have, like, they're not considerate. They don't know what they're doing. They don't give, like, empathy to the situation. They don't think about it. Exactly.

And it may be because they don't really understand. If you don't understand, then just don't do anything. Don't, like, try to be funny because it's not funny. Yeah. Exactly. It's so, hearing you as sophomores talk about the freshmen, like, there's this dynamic in any high school experience of, like, feeling like, now I'm older, and I hate those freshmen. But, of course, it's completely different for you.

The whole separation, like, this whole divide. I have no issue with them on any other problem except for the shooting. I don't care. What do you think is the ideal? Like, if you were a freshman this year, what do you think would be the best way? Just don't talk about it. Just be respectful. Don't act like you know anything about it because you don't don't talk about it like you know what we went through they don't know anything because i know

that you were scared and you were you didn't know what was going on but because a lot of them were next door in the middle school and got evacuated but they weren't it was it's really scary for them but probably here yeah different yeah i heard it right in my ear in the hallways so don't act like it's the same does all this does it make you feel older i feel like i'm like a 90 year old woman i feel like we did really stories about our life yeah and i like i feel really bad for um i feel like bad celebrating my birthday sometimes i feel bad getting my license i feel when they can't milestones every milestone it's really hard yeah i just feel like so guilty it's like getting up every day like sometimes like they're supposed to be here like that whole thing wasn't supposed

to happen yeah we gotta talk about it i kind of feel like our childhood got ruined yeah like i feel like it's like not there anymore like our high school like everybody says high school is like the best time of your life along with college but like it's not we don't get that it's consuming our lives yeah it's never gonna be like that anymore it's never gonna be like like no prayers in the world like like you know when your parents are like oh when i was in high school this it's like when i was in high school all i can think about would be the shooting yeah exactly it's hard to differentiate what's from the shooting and what's from like

regular teenage yeah exactly anxiety because everybody has anxiety everybody so for me it's like i'll get those times where like i gotta feel like there's literally like i'm just like i can't like i can't and i don't know if it's from the shooting and i don't know what it's from it's like a combination of things not like just like that like sets the basis for it yeah sometimes the stress of the shooting has a big impact on like regular teenage stresses yeah so like it'll make your normal teenage stresses more even more because you guys are all 15 about to turn 16 so what's going on in your lives outside of this you're about to get driver's licenses yeah school dating i mean right now in

life we're worried about next year next year's are going to be our junior year which is the most important year yeah definitely yes starting to think about colleges which is scary but so scary so scary and i'm really scared to like apply to colleges because like i don't want to be accepted just because i'm a douglas kid like i don't want that to be like the reason why i get above someone else the definition of who i am exactly i don't want to look good to your college just because i was in the shooting i just feel like time's going by so fast. It really is. I can't believe it's almost been a year. It's crazy.

I feel like it was yesterday. That, to me, is crazy. I relive it every day. I think because we've just been living in it this whole year, it just hasn't gone away. It's the realms. Yeah. like it just hasn't gone away like it's the wrong yeah when i look like back on the person i was like exactly like a year ago from today she wouldn't like have not acted like this at all like she would like have been like a different like completely or completely different person

you think you're fundamentally changed yeah yeah yeah i think everyone is i don't think anyone can mentally be the same after like like, what we went through. It's like part of you. Exactly. You know, like, sometimes I'll think about when I'm 20. I'll think about, like, oh, that happened, like, what would that be like? Seven years ago. Like, that's scary.

Yeah. I think about when. It's been that long. We have kids. Or, like, when I'm. How are we going to send our kids to school? It's so hard for me to want to have kids. Yeah.

In a place like this. How are we going to have kids to school to me to want to have kids yeah in a place like this how are we gonna have kids in my whole life if i don't know if i want to say my kid will have to go through what i went through like i just feel so bad it makes me not want to have kids yeah and i've wanted kids obviously in the very very very far yeah no yeah yeah yeah yeah we're talking about kids in the way but six more months i always say this i always say this everybody I always say this. Everybody who goes through mass shootings don't go to the site of the mass shooting every single day and see the building where it happened in every single day.

We do. A part of me kind of wants to go in. I want to go in so bad. I still do. I think we all agree to go in. We've never seen that closure. We want to go in. At the same time, I still want to go i still i don't want to see that yeah like

i want i just want to see how they left it yeah that's what i'm like i want to grab my english binder there's just something so curious about like how like it's like we went there every single day i was in that building every single day i had like four classes in there it's it's so i had to be like uh-huh like what do you think you would do if you could go in? Just walk. Just walk. Just like walk. I would just walk.

Together? I've had dreams about like. Me too. I don't want to see like the bloodstains. I like have it like kind of engraved with like a thought like with just like Valentine's stuff like everywhere. Yeah, I have like a backpack. Well, I guess we're going to see it.

We're going to see it when the trial happens you'll be able to go in no we're not gonna be able to go in you'll see photos i still want to see it for myself i know we sound like literal psychopaths right now we sound like a psychopath time travel dream because i always like it's just like recurring like nightmare dream i have like i don't really have like anything about like like going forward but like i always have this dream where like i'm able to go back to that date and i like try to warn people and then oh my god and i try to warn elena because she was like in that class and she won't listen to me no one will

listen to me i had that too and i remember in a dream and i showed a list of my tattoo because i have a tattoo what's your tattoo is it has the room number on it yeah do i have them no i remember i remember i was in my dream i was showing her i was showing her in my dream and she was like not believing me and i was like look like i'm telling you there was a shooting, don't go to class. And she went anyways. I would have just, like, kidnapped her at the front. Like, you're coming with me. I didn't know you got a tattoo.

Can you tell me what they both are? Yeah. I love that. So mine is, the top is the date in Roman numerals 21418. The second layer is, like, the three hearts for alex wilson elena and the third layer is 12 16 which is our classroom number and what's yours and then mine is like a flower which is kind of like it's like if you see there's like leaves on it and that's represents like the growth yes from what happened and then there's the room number 12 16 and then there's three little um

like flower petals things for elena alex and elisa like that makes me feel close to them i like it but some days i'm like i wish i didn't have to get this tattoo yeah like i hate how it's like part of it's permanent it's so it's's i'm always gonna think of it and like i want like that's the first thing yeah yeah i think the significance of getting something permanent on you is like that just like the tattoo the shooting's gonna be with you like for the rest of your the rest of your life for like three months after the shooting i would always be searching up videos of the shooting and watching them over and over i would do that why i like because i needed like i needed that closure i needed to like actually see like i think that's why a lot of us want to

go in the room you just want closure you want to see it i have no closure on anything all we have is our memory and like that's not as reliable that's not good that's gonna fade do you think you'll ever have closure no probably not maybe how could you have hopefully the building yeah like i want to have closure but i don't know if it's like i think after the like actual videos of it happening, I would love to see that. I started like- And that exists in some- I think it will. They have videos.

I've seen a picture. Oh, wow. That's it. Well, I watch everything that comes out. Everything that comes out, I watch. Every article that comes out about it, I watch because I like to know everything that happened. about it I watch because I like to know everything that happened because like even though I know I just don't I just like to like you don't have the proof yeah because then I don't look like an idiot telling my story like oh yeah it's validating yeah What are you planning on doing this Thursday?

Cemeteries. More cemeteries. Really? I'm going to two cemeteries. Are you going to the Elysee? Is Alex Perry there? Yeah, they're right next to me. They're literally so close to each other. I went to Elysee's and I saw Max there. And I went to Alyssa's and, like, I saw Max there.

And, like, I went to Christina's literally right next door. Is his headstone up? Yeah. I want to visit Elena's. I haven't seen his. Wait, where's Elena's? I don't know where Elena's is. I'm going to Martin's and I'm going to Luke's, which are both in the same.

And you don't have school on Thursday. Friday is optional? Yeah. Optional. I mean, both of them is optional. Yeah. They're both going to be there. You're able to go and do service projects?

Is that right? Are any of you going to go into school on Thursday? No. I can't. Yeah. Like, I couldn't even stay for the rest of today. Yeah. I had to leave after 13. Are you going tomorrow? No. I can't. Yeah. Like, I couldn't even stay for the rest of today. Yeah. I had to leave after.

I left early. Are you going tomorrow? No, I can't. I basically, like, started at Monday. I walked to school and I couldn't. I feel like if I don't, like, I don't want to be, like, at home, like, thinking about it. Yeah. I don't want to be home by myself.

Oh, yeah, I know. Like, I don't want to be home by myself. The thing is, like, I've already, like, I feel, like, I have so much makeup work. I feel like I have to go to school. I have so much makeup work to go to school i have so much makeup because i've like gone early for so many days because of like everything just being too much and i feel like i can't miss any more school because the amount of things i have to make up is insane tomorrow is not gonna be an academic day at all it is yeah i'm learning

less and i have things planned and i have work over the weekend and a test next weekend. Same. What do you think that people get wrong about you? What do you think people should understand about you who are in the classroom? Something that I've always wished that the media knew is that what we went through. Other than the politics, not everything's about March for Our Lives, and whereas March for Our Lives is great, and the fact that they can make a change is amazing, but we have stories that are worth being told.

And I think that the media is just so quick to politicize everything because that's what makes everything a story yeah a story but it's not not everything's political and we're actually going through something that's like real real and really happening yeah and it happened to us and we're all like it happened when we were like 14 yeah or 15 i know like that's this that's what's so amazing about what the march for our lives kids did like but now like over time it's obviously getting less like less of a national discussion like less less in our less like important in our conversations right now. Less vital.

Which is upsetting. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like another thing, too, is especially with, like, a bunch of news stations and stuff like that, is I feel like a lot of people forget. And, like, I wish people knew that just because the cameras went away and, like, people aren't, like, writing about it as much does not mean that, like, the cameras went away and like people aren't like writing about it as much does not mean that like the issue went away like people are still depressed people are still having panic attacks and anxiety attacks and there are still people that like can't go throughout the

day without breaking down because of this and it didn't just like poof when like the camera stopped like reporting them or like their interview ended yeah nothing stopped what what do you hope comes out of someone knowing that of fully understanding your story of being in the room for me it's more about like memorializing them and like remembering them because that's what matters to me that's what matters is to is. To make sure their names aren't forgotten. Like them alive. Exactly. Because they didn't deserve to die.

Yeah. And they're not here to share their stories. But we can do that for them. And I think that's like the only reason that like. In a non-political way. Exactly. Is that we just want their name to like be there forever. They didn't go away.

They're going to be there with us in our memories as long as we live. And we, as the people who survived it, can bring their memory to life to other people and to show them how amazing they were. They didn't meet them, but we hope that by telling you how smart Elena was, by telling you how kind Alex was, by telling you how funny Alyssa, by telling you how kind Alex was, by telling you how funny Alyssa was, that you can understand. I think you guys have done a wonderful job honoring them.

Thank you. Thank you all for talking. Yeah. I want to take a picture of all of this. Like a mirror selfie. Oh, right now. Yeah, it's okay. I can take one of picture of all of this. Like a mirror selfie. Oh, right now? Yeah. It's okay.

I can take one of you guys if you want. No, it's okay. It's better like a mirror. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Let's do it.

Okay. So there's like two options for the ears. Okay. I don't know. I've heard it so many times. Okay. Yeah. Here's my bow.

Go right now. Oh, there's the mirror. There it is. We'll be right back. Here's what else you need to know today. I don't want to see a shutdown. Shutdown would be a terrible thing. A border security compromise designed to avoid another government shutdown appeared to be heading toward passage on Wednesday after President Trump signaled an openness to signing the legislation by tomorrow night,

despite the fact that it does not come close to funding his border wall. We're going to look at the legislation when it comes, and I'll make a determination then. The president has not formally committed to backing the legislation, which includes almost $1.4 billion for border fencing, rather than the more than $5 billion Trump has requested for a solid wall. But congressional leaders from both parties say they will pass it, starting today. It's a win for the American people. It's a compromise, and that's what appropriators do.

As with all compromises, I say to people, support the bill for what is in it, don't judge it for what is not in it. We have other days to pass other legislation. And... We need to reacquire the signal to have positive confirmation of a safe landing. As the spacecraft is bouncing on the surface of Mars and rolling around, the antenna is pointed at many different orientations. We're seeing it on the LTP.

On Wednesday, NASA said that Opportunity, a spacecraft designed to roam the surface of Mars for three months but that stayed there for 14 years, has died. Opportunity, the longest-lasting robot ever sent to another planet, took thousands of photographs that offered humans a close-up view of Mars and provided scientists the clearest evidence to date that billions of years ago, Mars once contained water, a prerequisite for life. I will never forget the amazing work that happened. Everything we do and think about in our planetary neighborhood with Mars and elsewhere

relates to the research that came from that. NASA said that Opportunity, which was powered by solar panels, succumbed to a violent Martian dust storm, which left those panels unable to capture enough energy to survive. I remember the emotions. I saw that Cornell professor jumping up and down like my four-year-old at his birthday when entry to San Anderlanding was complete. And the rower said, I'm here.

That's it for The Daily. I'm Michael Barbaro. See you tomorrow.