The Daily - Tilly Remembers Her Grandfather, Three Months On

Episode Date: July 17, 2020

For the remainder of this week, “The Daily” is revisiting episodes with people we met in the early weeks of the pandemic to hear what’s happened to them since our original conversations were first aired.Climbing on the roof to look at stars in the middle of summer. Making French toast and popcorn. Kind eyes. These are some of the memories Tilly Breimhorst has of her grandfather, Craig. We spoke with Tilly in May about losing her grandfather to coronavirus. Today, we check back in with her.Guest: Matilda Breimhorst, a 12-year-old who recently lost her grandfather to the coronavirus. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily Background reading: In personal and profound ways, the coronavirus crisis has created a sense of collective loss. Here are some ways to grieve.

Hey there, it's Michael. This week, we're revisiting people we met in the early weeks of the pandemic, listening back, and hearing what's happened to them since our original conversations. Today, Tilly Brimhorst. It's Friday, July 17th. Uh, I am recording, and it is working. Hey, Tilly. Hi. Hey, how are you? I'm doing okay.

Tilly, what is that in your hand? It looks like either a blanket or a stuffed animal. It's a blanket. Oh, what does it say on it? It says powered by pizza. And does it look like it has an image of pepperoni pizza on it? Is that what I'm glimpsing? Yeah. Pepperoni.

That's pretty great. Well, Tilly, I really want to thank you for getting on the phone with us, or I guess this Google Hangout with us. And I wonder if you could tell me your full name and how old you are.

Matilda Rose Brimhorst, and then I am 12. And I just want to start with a very simple question. How have you been feeling this past week? I'm kind of in and out of moods usually. The two moods that I'm mostly in are sad and angry. And why do you think that you're sad and angry? What about? I don't know.

I feel like we're sad and angry because I think angry more that it's not fair that he's gone. And I feel like sad is really we're fair that he's gone. And I feel like sad is really, we're sad that he's gone and sad that we're being sad. From the New York Times, I'm Michael Barbaro. This is The Daily. This is The Daily. Tens of thousands of Americans have died from the coronavirus. One of them was Craig Breimhorst. Today, his granddaughter remembers him.

It's Friday, May 1st. I wonder if you could tell me a little bit about your grandfather. How would you describe your grandfather physically? What did he look like what would he wear those kinds of things um well he'd wear pastor clothes and stuff was he a pastor yes he was a pastor he used to be a mailman and then he didn't really like that job and he had like white hair and then the mustache that goes right into the beard. And when I was little, I played with his beard because it just felt so interesting touching it with my hands. What do you mean?

It felt all rough and scrapey, but like not too scrapey. Too scrapey. He'd wear glasses. And sometimes I stole his glasses. And he's like, Joey, bring them back. And like, whenever I walked into the house, he'd just be like, ho-dee-ho. I don't know where that came from, but just, it's always something he said. Ho-dee-ho.

Ho-dee-ho. It's more interesting than hello. Yeah. Did he have any kind of nickname for you? Tilly B was my one. Tilly B. Yeah, because for Rhyme Horse, they just called me Tilly B, and it kind of just rhymes.

Wait, which part rhymes? Tilly and then B. It's just kind of like, it just goes together. Tilly B. Tilly B then B. It's just kind of like, it just goes together. Hmm. Tilly B. Tilly B. Yeah.

And then he'd always make me happy. I'd never like really get upset around him unless I was hurt. Unless you were hurt, you said. Yeah. Because we did all sorts of crazy things. Wait, now I need to understand some of the crazy things you did with him. Um, well, he'd take me out on the roof once we brought sleeping bags on the roof. The roof of your house?

No, my grandpa's house. But we didn't tell my dad about it until afterwards. Wow. It sounds like he has a slightly mischievous quality to him. Yeah. Can you tell me about that? What was that like? Well, it would usually be like the middle of summer, and we'd grab the step ladder and open the window, pull up the screen, climb up onto the edge of the roof, up to our special spot. Climb up onto the edge of the roof, up to our special spot.

Just laid there on the roof. And we just looked at the stars and talked for a while. What kinds of things would your grandfather say? Um, here Tilly, let's look for the Big Dipper, maybe the Milky Way if we're lucky. And Mars might be like, wait, but isn't Mars a planet, not a star? You would just be like, but we can see it as a red star, kind of. The stars were really bright and it was really warm, and it was really warm outside. And it was beautiful. How often would you see your grandfather?

We wouldn't see him, like, every single weekend. But, like, we'd see him a lot. He'd, like, come to my school, and he'd sit in the lunchroom with me. Wow. He would just show up? Did he announce himself? Was it unexpected? He would never tell me that he was coming. And he'd just be waiting for me right next to the lunchroom door, just waiting for me. And then I just look around for him every time. He'd sit right next to me and I have my lunchbox and he kind of just pick out things from it sometimes he'd take my chips and i'd be like papa he talked to my friends he'd talk about like all

these fun things like all his stories about like going to tanzania um and all sorts of things. And what would you think when you saw him? I'd be proud. I'd be proud that my grandpa comes to my school a lot to just eat lunch with me and tell my friends all these stories. He was just there right when I needed it, which made me feel really nice. Yeah, I don't know a lot of grandpas or grandmas who do that. It's really special.

Yeah. So, I want you to tell me, if you're willing, the story of the last few weeks and what happened with your grandfather. Yeah. And I wonder, I don't know where you think we should start. Uh, I think we should, like, start from the beginning. Mm-hmm. Um, so, Papa and my grandma went to the Holy Lands. He wanted to take his church group there.

So they went to the Middle East? Yeah, where baby Jesus was like born and like that's sort of the place. And then they got like this warning there. An outbreak has started here of the coronavirus. And so when they come back, they were straight into quarantine. But right when they came back, Papa started getting, like, really ill. He had high fever, really high fever. And in my mind, at first when he was home, I was like, oh, he's fine.

He'll get through this. He's strong. But then he got worse and worse. And I was like, oh, no, it's going to happen. I was just kind of in a worried state. But like, not like a, oh, my gosh, I'm really, really sad. That sort of thing. Until like a couple of weeks later, he just couldn't do it. And he got lifted to the hospital here.

And Tilly, were you talking to him during this time? No, I didn't get to talk to him at all. I mean, he sent them letters, but I don't know if he even got to read those. I remember, so when I heard about that he was put in the hospital, because it got worse, mom was like, do you want to sleep with one of his shirts? I was like, yeah.

So she brought me this shirt. It was just like a greenish brown t-shirt. Were you wearing it or was it just beside you? I was wearing it. It felt like really, really big on me. It was kind of like cold, but it felt really soothing to wear it though. I wanted to feel like I was close to him. I was giving him a hug.

I thought about him the whole night. I prayed that he would make it through. That he wouldn't have to go. But my prayer really didn't come true. Because he had a stroke during the night from a heart disease that he had. But my prayer really didn't come true. Because he had a stroke during the night from a heart disease that he had. And that made it super worse. And even if we did get him back, he wouldn't actually, like, his body would be there, but he wouldn't be there.

He couldn't do anything. Like, he couldn't talk. He couldn't do the things that made him him him and how did you learn the news mom got a call and then i looked at her and i saw worry so i kind of just um just did stuff and then mommy told me what happened and what did she tell you she told me about the living world my my grandma my my dad, and my uncles read it. Well, the doctor read it to them. That it said that if something happened, he wanted to go. He didn't want to have to suffer in this state.

So your grandfather had written a will that made clear that if he got very sick and he'd reached a condition where things weren't working out, that he wanted to be allowed to die. Yeah. And he just wanted to go to heaven and be with God. Like he says, he wanted to fall in the arms of God. That's what he wrote. Yeah, he wants to fall in the arms of God. It's like a trust fall, really. Hmm.

And I couldn't handle knowing that. I knew that he wouldn't be coming back. He wouldn't be with me anymore. And that was hard to know. Mm-hmm. How are you holding up over there? he wouldn't be with me anymore. And that was hard to know. How are you holding up over there? I'm okay.

It's hard talking about it, but it also makes me happy to talk about how great he was and what happened. You know, I've lost my grandparents, too. It's one of the kind of sad, inevitable things that it means to be alive, is that the people before you die, and it's just really hard. Yeah.

It is really hard. Mm-hmm. I want you to know you're being very brave in telling this story. I know how difficult it must be. Thank you. We'll be right back. can I ask you to describe sadness to me um what that feels like I feel like it's hard sadness is probably like a hard one for me. Happiness, I could do easily, but like sadness is kind of hard. Why is happiness easy and why is sadness

hard, do you think? I don't know. I mean, sadness is an emotion that is kind of like more like deeper and it's kind of like a big, big emotion. Happiness can be big, but not as much as sadness. There's a depth to it that makes it hard to describe. Yeah. I kind of feel like sadness is like just an ocean filled with nothing. Mm-hmm. Have you noticed that the people around you, your parents, that they are sad too? Yeah.

So my dad will go outside a lot. You can tell that he's getting angry and he's really short-tempered. At that point, mom will kind of just stay in her office, not really doing anything. But she'll just sit around. Like I've seen mom try to keep crying to herself and dad too, but I can see it. You mean they're trying to shield it from you? Yeah. But I can still feel it.

Do you wish that they would just do it in front of you? Yeah, I do. And why do you think they should do it more out in the open? I kind of feel like it helps me understand my emotions as well. Like, how they feel. Do I feel that? It kind of gives you permission to feel the way you feel. Yeah.

Like when I was talking to my dad about Papa, he started crying and I started crying. And then we just hugged and it was nice. Mm-hmm. And it's nice. You know, a lot of kids are going through what you're going through right now because of this virus. And a lot of adults are going through this. I wonder how that makes you feel. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. And it also kind of makes me feel a bit angry about how they still haven't figured out how this started.

I want to know so I could figure out how it wouldn't happen again. Was it a cause of a human that did it? Was it a cause of an animal? Or was it kind of both? And if it turns out this is just something that nature and the universe gave us, and it wasn't somebody who did something, how would you feel about that? I'd be mad at the universe. Hmm. when someone they care about or they love passes away, they end up looking for that person in the world or they end up thinking about that person unexpectedly.

Yeah. Thinking that maybe they're there or standing by you, that sort of thing. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I feel like Papa was by me a lot, but sometimes I feel like he's out there with other people and helping them through their bad moments. You know, I have a very specific sense of my grandmother whenever this song comes on because when i was around your

age she died and a song was playing on the radio and it was a song that made me feel sad even though it was a love song i don't know if you've ever heard this song it's by richard barks and it goes wherever you go whatever you do i will be right there waiting for you and it always makes me think of my grandmother and her death whenever it comes on and i wonder if you're having moments like that yet yeah i do have those type of moments but like kind of different than just a song it's more of when i saw my grandma in her backyard because we went over just to the backyard we weren't allowed to get close to anyone though i felt i felt like he i felt like sad but i also felt kind of kind of relieved that

kind of kind of relieved that he's is in peace now he didn't have to deal with this bad virus he doesn't have to feel pain or sadness or anything mm-hmm Tilly, have you gone outside and looked up at the stars since your grandfather died? Um, only a little bit, but not much. It's not the same without being at my grandma's house. Mm-hmm. Do you think that you will do that? Do you think there'll be a point when you'll want to do that? Yeah.

We said when we're going to go over to Grandma's house, me, Daddy, and my big sister are going to go up onto the roof and just sit there looking at the stars. Hmm. Well, Tilly, I really want to thank you for spending time with us. And I want to tell you I'm sorry I am about the loss of your grandfather. Thank you. It was really good to talk to you. Yeah. It feels good to talk to

someone about it. It's good to talk. After this episode aired, Tilly began receiving letters from people across the country. Some knew her grandfather and wanted to share stories of their time with him. Others wanted to tell her about their own treasured relationship with a grandparent. One listener, Lee Goldman, wrote, One listener, Lee Goldman, wrote, quote, Tilly says it's been a while since her grandfather has appeared in her dreams, and that she's recently stopped wearing his shirt when she goes to bed. Tilly is spending her summer playing with her cousins and visiting places she used to

go with her grandfather, like the nature center near his house. She's also been running through sprinklers, going to the pool, and playing lots of Minecraft with her friends. We'll be right back. Here's what else you need to know today. On Thursday, the U.S. and Canada said that Russian hackers are trying to steal coronavirus vaccine research from Western health organizations. The National Security Agency said that a hacking group associated with Russian intelligence is behind the attacks, which have employed phishing and malware scams.

The hacking group, known as Cozy Bear, is well known to the U.S. because it was implicated in the 2016 hacking of the Democratic National Committee. And, requirements to wear masks from state governments and private industry are spreading across the country. The bottom line is that like all Coloradans, I want to be able to enjoy life and go to a restaurant and get a haircut and keep our businesses open and protect our economy and protect lives. And the data increasingly shows that one of the powerful tools that we as a state have done well on but can do better on is wearing masks. And that's why today I'm signing an executive order that's effective at midnight tonight that requires that every Coloradan age 10 and up wear a mask or face covering.

On Thursday, the governors of Colorado and Arkansas issued statewide mask requirements for public indoor spaces. At the same time, Target and CVS issued their own mask requirements for customers, joining Walmart, Kroger, and Kohl's. As of Thursday night, there have been 3.5 million infections in the U.S. Annie Brown, Claire Tennisgetter, Paige Cowett, Michael Simon-Johnson, Brad Fisher, Larissa Anderson, Wendy Dorr, Chris Wood, Jessica Chung, Stella Tan, Alexandra Lee Young, Jonathan Wolfe, Lisa Chow, Eric Krupke, Mark George, Luke Vanderploeg, Adiza Egan, Kelly Prime, Julia Longoria, Sindhu Yanasambandhan, MJ Davis-Lynn, Austin Mitchell, Sayer Kavado, Nina Patuk, Dan Powell, Dave Shaw, Sydney Harper, Daniel Guimet, Hans Butow, Robert Jimison, Mike Benoit, Bianca Gaver, Aastha Chaturvedi, and Rochelle Banja. Our theme music is by Jim Brunberg and Ben Landsberg of Wonderly.

Special thanks to Sam Dolnik, Michaela Bouchard, Lauren Jackson, Julia Simon, Mahima Chablani, Nora Keller, and Caitlin Dickerson. That's it for The Daily. I'm Michael Barbaro. See you on Monday.