The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Dan Le Batard Responds To ESPN's Statement | Hour 2

Episode Date: September 22, 2026

"I do eat butt all the time." Chris Jones trusts in his kicker, Zaslow calls out one of the biggest busts of all time, and Roy knows what Greg's talkin' about. Plus, ESPN released a statement after Dan called them out for hiring primarily white voices for their NFL coverage. Dan has a response. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My favorite part of the football season is the confidence everybody has before it kickoff. Zaslo already knows how the game is going to end. Tony has studied every possible matchup and Chris Cody is convinced his fantasy team is unbeatable. Then the game starts, everything immediately goes off the rails and suddenly nobody remembers making any of those predictions. That's why a legendary game day starts with an ice cold Miller light. Whether I'm at a tailgate, watching with friends, or settling in for a full Saturday of college football, Miller Light is the beer I can depend on. It's crisp, refreshing, and has a clean finish that hits perfectly during a hot South Florida game day.

Miller Light is the original light beer with great taste, and beer lovers have trusted it for more than 50 years. Make game day legendary. Go to Miller Lite.com slash Dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Game time is Miller Time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96, Kavanaugh. salaries and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. Where some see heroes and others see egos.

Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. A fad to some, the future of money to others. We see crypto's trillion dollar swings. The end of jobs or the end of human struggle. We see the endless funds fueling the AI hype. While others follow the noise, we follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com. I don't know if you guys feel this.

Who's rummaging around with their microphone? Is that Samson already grabbing his microphone? We've started, and the first thing that Samson does is pause on the microphone? It's the seat. This is set for Greg, I believe. I know, but the microphone was nowhere near his mouth. Yeah, but why didn't you fix all of that before they counted us in, as opposed to when they told us we're on the air?

Because I was trying to get the chair higher. It's also set so low purposely for a power dynamic. I assume Pablo does that. drives me crazy. You know who does that? The most Cowherd does that. Go look at the original set where Cowherd was just sort of looting over his with his brown hair. It looked like he was levitating

with his orange hair. It's like a pharmacist just sitting up into the rafters. Like, why are you so tall? You guys got to find me that picture of Colin Cowherd with the giant desk. Where would you start today those as? Because I have, when football gets here, there's

just too much as we start our work week and already there's too much. Where would you start today? Cains, I think what we saw, I think the Cains you can make the case were the most impressive team in the country over the weekend. And I think that it's... Stanford's really bad. Okay, but they went, but they went on the road and as opposed to all the way in the West Coast, but as opposed to needing any time to kind of, you know, shake off any rust, they just look like a juggernaut from the get-go. Their offense is going to be good all season long, at least in part because of how unbelievably soft

their schedule is. But I think we should start with things I just learned this morning about how Roy and Chris Cody ruined, I can't believe I'm even saying this phrase, ruined a funeral. What? Here we go. I guess we're doing that. That's what I heard too. That's what I'd like to do

because I can't believe that both Roy and Chris... They were both noticed greatly. I mean, let's think about what we're talking about here. And my name is first in this situation. I'm ruining everything, apparently. Not everything, just a funeral, which I, you know, was bad. Funerals are

tough enough as they are. Like, supposed to make everyone feel better at the funeral. Can you imagine the game we could play? Would you go to a funeral? And now we have an actual example of who would go and who wouldn't? Oh, did you notice? Were you taking inventory of who didn't show up? Because I felt like

I saw a moment that was really touching to me. You seemed at your darkest hour in a great deal of pain. I don't know whether I have this or not because I was at a distance, you seem to be genuinely moved by Amin being there, that Amin flew in to be there. So it was very meaningful that Amin was there, and I have very few recollections, but there was a logbook, and I've been going over the logbook in the two months since, so I've seen names.

Yeah, you've got to sign that so that everybody knows you're there. You have to. Otherwise, why go? You got to. Otherwise, why go? That was actually an interesting part. There was like one really long line to signed that book and there was an empty book that no one was signing. So it was like everyone was in one line when there should have been two

lines because there was two books there. And I remember some lady was very sweet. She basically was like, all right, this is ridiculous. And she got the second line moving. So I was actually the first person to sign on that second empty book. So it looks like you were the first person in the morning to show up. I honestly felt it did, but also I felt uneasy

about it. I was like, I wanted to just stay in this line. Everyone was in this lady went rogue and she was like, this should be two lines. And then it was just a real stress thing for me. I didn't know whether to stay in I'm panicked. I only saw one book. What? Completely panicked right now.

Because your name, don't recall. Cinesis. Signed the wrong book. And the lady screwed me. Were there not two books? I only saw one. There was an empty book and then there was one long line and the lady was like seven people back and she went to the front. She's like, hey, we should be in two lines here.

Let's move it around. What did she look like? Maybe David. I'm not playing that game. I have to go find a second book now. David Sampson just. said, why else would you go to a funeral except to sign the book?

Just to prove that you were there. That's what Samson just said. This is a difficult conversation. We haven't even gotten into how it is that Chris and Roy ruined the funeral. I didn't ruin the funeral. Get it right. I ruined everything else.

You are listening to the Dan Levitar show in partnership with the Drafkin's sports app. Now live in all 50 states. I ruined Shiva. All right? Get it right. We'll get to that in a second. We'll find out exactly what it is that he ruined because I don't have all the details here,

but I am amazed that both you and Roy did the wrong thing. Somewhere within David Simpson, since you're sitting here, do you know what you did or do you not know what you did, Roy? I do not know what I did. All right. We'll get to that in a second, but I do believe that Zaz is right when he celebrates the University of Miami. You've got, with Malachi Tony, you have the possibility here that the university,

of Miami, and I don't think I'm hyperventilating or overstating this, might have its best quarterback receiver combination here by the time that it's done. And I'm putting that in the class with Vinnie Testa Verdi and Michael Irvin and Ken Dorsey

and Andre Johnson. Like, I'm putting this at the top of the class. That's not a normal game for a receiver to have 12 catches unstoppable when you know all offseason that that's the guy you've got to stop. Malaki. It was crazy because every time he would run a route, he was 10 yards open.

Nobody was around him. He would make a move. And it's like, where's the defender? Their receivers weren't very good the last couple of years. They are now, and this quarterback is better than Beck. I'm willing to say that. Like, I believe that this quarterback, his throws down the field, accurate, 12 of 14, 10 plus yards down the field. The most amazing stat involving Tony is the 154 career receptions without a drop.

Like, what is that? Were you willing to say that before the game against Stanford? or you're just saying it now after the game? I needed to see, Mensa. It's been a game. Yes, it's been a game. So that's it. Best receiver quarterback after one game.

Fair point by you, but it's not just one game. It's what he did last year versus growth. What he did last year is a 17-year-old, okay, to come out and have that game when they know they've got to guard him. He's faster. He's last year, the weird thing about him, it's a weird thing to say because of how quick he is.

He's not the fastest. He's not the fastest player on the field. He's quick, not the fastest. He's faster this year. He's more of an adult this year. And so I'm willing to already put in the conversation that Mensa down the field is going to be a special quarterback and their schedule.

Tony, go look at their schedule for me. Is it Wake Forest and Pitt? Who's this year's Louisville and SMU? Who's the coach that's going to get them? Louisville. I think they're going to be, I think they're going to be a double-digit favorites in all of their games except the Notre Dame game. Do I have this wrong?

Yeah, I mean, I'm looking at their schedule right now. All of the games that have a line on them except for Notre Dame and Clemson. Right now, believe it or not, they're only a seven-point favorite at Clemson. Emotional, yeah. Clemson, after what we saw happen, you know, at Baton-Roeuvre. That line can't be right. That line is going to be used. It's weird.

Like, the Keynes should be twice that. Yeah. I think they're going to be double-digit. favorites in all of their games except Notre Dame before the ACC championship game. I think they're going to very obviously play for the ACC championship if their quarterback does not get injured. Later on in the season, obviously we have to see how Virginia Tech does. That could be an interesting one because Virginia Tech is usually a good rival for the Keynes. But it's in Miami. That's what I'm saying. So we'll see where it is, maybe a nine and a half points. I'm not saying that they're not

going to lose a game. I'm not saying that they can't beat. What I'm saying about this team that I haven't been able to say about a Miami team since 2001 is they're going to be better than all of the teams that they get on a field with except for Notre Dame before the ACC championship game like Notre Dame we can have a conversation but all those other games you're not going to say that about Pitt they're simply going to be better than all of the teams they're playing against that how you feeling about laying 55 and a half on Thursday we're doing that 55 and a half David 55 and a half a lot of points I'm just trying to understand that what the line movement is because clemson loses 50 what Did they lose 50 to 10 or something?

51 10. And how many points does that translate into? Clemson's terrible and Davo's job is in trouble. But they only knew that because of 5110. So before 5110, the Miami line was right. After 5110, the Miami line changes. Yeah, because you realize Clemson is terrible. Yeah, David.

But we didn't think Clemson was terrible before the game. Yeah, they were terrible last year and there's new information. And you see a gulf of difference between LSU and Clemson. Look, man, what were the numbers in that game in terms of the difference? A lot to not a lot. No, no, but it's not just, it's not just, it's not just a lot to not a lot, okay? Are we talking about LSU Clemson? It's a difference of 499 total yards between LSU and Clemson. It's a difference in rushing between 309 for LSU and 40 for Clemson.

And by the way, LSU could not run the football last year. Well, but LSU ran 47 plays in Clemson territory. LSU, Clemson ran six in LSU territory. The difference between Clemson and LSU is enough. If you wanted to fire Dabo today, I'd be like, yeah, it's falling apart in Clemson. They're not going to be what they were. Did you, have you seen this circulating around Twitter, Dan, that someone in the LSU locker room, they recorded on their phone without Lane Kiffin knowing they recorded Lane Kiffin's halftime speech.

They're up 31 to 3 in this moment, LSU. And like the video starts with the phone, you know, holding down and hiding it because the video is focused on like someone's feet, you know, so that no one can find it. Listen to this. This is Lane Kippin again. They're ahead 31 to 3. All right, guys, we started here like seven, eight months ago, whatever it was.

And we asked you to work really hard. Okay, do you feel good about what happened? I don't know. Who gets to what happened? That's what supposed to happen. They're not going to be celebrations for that. They're going to stop. So you've got to show them again.

They're going to come out. It doesn't matter what plays. they run. Doesn't matter what they do on offense, defense, put the next mother quarterback in. I don't give them a you send him a message who the fuck is on their schedule. They have to play you

and don't think we lack enough late no matter if you're in a game for one snap or 50 more snaps. You f*** taking out on them. The old world hate you. So you get a chance to show the old world, go yourself. Crypton just had to sing it right now.

Three, one, two, three. It's not a nice thing to say to a kid that the whole world hates you? Put it on the Polet Lebitard show is a nice thing to say to a kid that the whole world hates me. Shouldn't have been, the whole world hates me! He's projecting. Did you guys read any of the excerpts from the Vanity Fair story on Lane Kiffin? They're great. They're great details in there, and I'm judging from the looks on your face that you guys don't know what some of these details are.

I saw some about him being all horned up. Well, it's not just all horned up. He wouldn't go by his name in bars, allegedly, when he was trolling the campus at Alabama and Nick Saban was worried keep him away from the sorority girls like Nick Sabin was you're laughing at that like that's a that's a little troubling but his he was drinking too much reportedly and he had an alias that he went with so that people wouldn't know that it was lane kiffin hitting on them and you know his saying was where the hotties at because his family and he was getting divorced his family wasn't with him do you know what his alias was because I'm looking at your guys's

faces, you must not have read this story because if you saw how it is that Lane Kiffin introduced himself, everyone here would be howling and everyone here would be saying immediately what that name is. So it's better than Roy's. Jack Diggler. Jack Spade or Michael Vicks.

Ron Mexico. It is not Ron Mexico. It is not Dirkdegler. It is not Roy's Hotel alias of Jack Spade. Just in case. It is. Lane Kiffin would introduce himself

reportedly as Joey Freshwater. Oh, get the hell out of you. Is that a Native American name? I don't think he was... What's he going for with that? I don't know. Doesn't that sound like someone

from dances with wolves? It is, but I don't know. It is because all you're doing, yes. It sounds like a Native American name because he's going with freshwater, yes. But I don't think that that's relevant here and that Lane Kiffin in both name and look is the single whitest

person going. Dan, there may be a school of thought that says he might have been thinking about you when he created that alias because if I remember correctly, a lot of the stuff that he was talking about in Mississippi was the dirty water and he might have been thinking back to that interview being like, hmm, dirty water, fresh water. Well, this wasn't with him at Mississippi. This was at Alabama before we did the interviews with him. So close. Sabin hated him. And why? Watch what Kiffin does with the kinds of players that Sabin got at LSU, because obviously that's a good program, and obviously they get great players and have been underachieving.

Look, man, they won championships for not one, but two fools in Ed Orgeron and Les Miles. Not one but two. Now put them in Lane Kiffin's hands, those kinds of athletes, and you see what happens to Clemson and Dalbo Sweeney. But I want to go back to the University of Miami for a second, because I know people are going to think that I'm overreacting, but that schedule with these players, makes it so that, you know, Malachi Tony, Malachi is breaking the start of the season,

and Jeremiah Smith immediately has to do some catching up. And now we've got a wide receiver Heisman race, which we never have, right off of the top, because he did it in a primetime game. He did it at night when nobody else was watching any other games, and it's 12 catchings, 234 yards, three touchdowns. Zaz, there have been a lot of great receivers at this school. None of them has ever had that game.

That game has never been had by any of the NFL guys who played for the University of Miami. The coolest part to me, I think, is just that he has become this local legend. He grew up here. He visits the high schools and the kids love him here. And then the very first performance that they have on the season, he does that. And it was like the second or third passing play of the game. It was a 50-yard catch and run. And it's really cool the name that he's made for himself down here as a local kid.

My favorite part of the football season is the confidence everybody has before a kickoff. Zazzo already knows how the game is going to end. Tony has studied every possible matchup and Chris Cody is convinced his fantasy team is unbeatable. Then the game starts. Everything immediately goes off the rails and suddenly nobody remembers making any of those predictions. That's why a legendary game day starts with an ice cold mill. whether I'm at a tailgate, watching with friends, or settling in for a full Saturday of college football. Miller Light is the beer I can depend on.

It's crisp, refreshing, and has a clean finish that hits perfectly during a hot South Florida game day. Miller Light is the original light beer with great taste, and beer lovers have trusted it for more than 50 years. Make game day legendary. Go to Millerlight.com slash Dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Game time is Miller time. Celebrate responsibly, Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. Hey, it's Roy, and I want to talk to you about blinds. I had one set of blinds that drove me crazy. Every single morning, one little gap would let in a laser beam of sunlight that hit me right in the face. And when I tried to roll them up, one side would always go higher than the other. I live with it that way longer than I should have because replacing blinds felt like a whole project. blinds.com makes it easy.

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Dan Lebatar. What is the worst part of the life? Jonathan Sassel. The worst part of the life of what? This is the Dan Levitar show. It's really, and I don't want to be the negative. Tony here. No, I really don't, but I just, let's get a national championship.

Let's, let's. Oh, so nothing until they? Well, we got to the final game. I recall Mike being very upset. But just don't talk about, look. I'm happy for you to talk about it. It's fun to talk about it. So don't get excited, though.

Don't anoint him is the greatest player ever to play for Miami. With the history that the hurricanes have, it is mind-boggling that you're going on. I'm not saying he's the greatest player that Miami's had. The greatest quarterback combination ever, test-a-verty. Didn't you say test-a-virty? They're going to be in the-c. I believe that this quarterback is better than Beck. I don't believe.

that's an indictment of Beck. I feel like we can know what we're watching, even though we've only seen one game. Look, it's not just that, though, Zaz. We knew immediately on Cam Ward, oh, look, that's a professional quarterback. Beck, less so. This, throwing the ball down the field,

even against a soft opponent, is how I believe the Miami offense is going to look all year against the defenses on its schedule. That's what I'm saying. Like, that's why I said the Keynes, I think they were the most impressive team over the weekend. You counter with, okay, Stanford's terrible. I know what I'm watching.

This is the other thing, though, and I don't believe that when people watch college football, that this is something that they did last year, and I think they should have. Carson Beck was playing almost a different sport than the other quarterbacks with the amount of time that he had. I don't know if this offensive line is going to be that. I know this defensive line is not going to be what last year's was. Like Mike Ryan kept talking about these guys in the spring, and he can believe in them, but Miami's never had one pass rusher that goes in the, first round edge rusher and they had two last year. There's no way this defensive line

is going to be as good as that defensive line. So if they lose, it will be on defense. And I think it's fair to say, Samson, Stanford doesn't test you there. That I'm not going to make any determinations on the defense based on its smothering Stanford. Other than you'll make assumptions on the office. On defense, I'm not doing it. On offense, it's because, look, this is why, though. This is why you try to temper my enthusiasm and it's why it won't be tempered. The University of Miami has a Tyreek Hill. It's not just that it's a good receiver. It's a power cable. Like, it's an, it's an electricity force where can change a game with a play. They've got a game

breaker. They've got someone that everyone in the world knows you have to stop and no one can. Like, he's the guy you've got to stop against Ohio State. He's the guy you got to stop. How are you going to stop him? And when they try to, their other receivers are good enough now, Zaz, and their quarterback is good enough that I believe that Ments is going to be allowed to play a different game than the rest of the people in this sport, if this offensive line is what I think it is, because you've always got this. Mask kicks ass.

Yeah, it feels to me a little bit like what we saw in 2000 and then 2001. In 2000, it was kind of like it was the very beginning. Man, they should have been able to play in the national championship game. They got screwed with the BCS. And then the next year they kicked the shit out of everybody, and they win the whole thing. And last year they make the run, all right, they lose in the national championship game. And now this year it's like, all right, like,

They should kick the shit out of everyone. I'm picturing Dan watching the game this weekend, saying to himself, I am not going to repeat what happened last year. I am not going to get on the air and say, eh, they're okay, and then be proven wrong. He was late to the party last year. So late. It's showing up super early this year.

It's too early. Like such over-compensation. Like it starts at 6 p.m. and he shows up around 2.30 and they're still sleeping or something. Can you imagine who would do that? No idea. I mean, you just have to. That's how you ruin stuff.

To be fair, David, you ask, are we anointing Malachi Tony too early? He's already, by statistics, the best receiver in University of Miami football history. Like already. As a 17-year-old, first game against Notre Dame, he makes plays where like, oh, wait a second, that guy's a first round pick. Like, where did this come from? And now, as he graduates and gets older, you're looking at him saying, all right, 12 for 234 and three touchdowns, breaks the Heisman pose out three times

against Stanford in the first game. Too much. Like, yeah, he might be that guy. I don't want to see. Seven Heisman posts, like, it was only three, after three touchdowns at $234. Jeremiah Smith did it. Another guy did it. He's great, too.

I get it, guys. You want to have your Hysman moment? Like, are they going to, is he going to do it every week now? Is there a Hysman moment that happens in week one or week zero? That depends who you're playing. Depends. I've never seen it before. It depends who you're playing.

Milwaukee. Put it on the poll at Lebitard show. Are too many people doing the Hysman pose? Because I do believe it's been devalued. The first time I saw it, it was really cool. It was Desmond Howard. a long time ago. Desmond Howard did it perfectly. A Florida Gator did it this weekend. That's what I'm saying, dude. It's too much. But a Florida Gator did it poorly this weekend.

Like, Desmond Howard did it perfectly, okay? He did it with one leg up in the air, arms stiff out. It looked like he had an imaginary football like the ones that Tony threw at that FIU quarterback workout in one hand. The one to do it best, we're in agreements as, was the originator. the OG Desmond Howard. Yes. And now it's too much? No, I don't think it's too much. I'm fine with it.

The reason why it's too much is that it ends up meaning nothing. If you do something over and over and over again, it ruins its entire appeal. No, it means something because it was Malachi Tony making sure everybody knows I'm in this conversation. Right now from week one. The only names that we were talking about, it's, you know, we're talking about Julian Sayin and Jeremiah Smith. and... Darien Menta? Well, no, he wasn't one at the start of the season.

I'm talking about, you know, Arch Manning. I'm talking about the guys at the very beginning of the season we're talking about. And Malachi Tony is letting everybody know, I'm in this conversation right now. And he should be, and he should be. It's not like he broke it out after one catch for 34 yards in a touchdown. I was like, oh, wow, he had one catch. No, he had 12 catches, 234 or three touchdowns. You break it out.

You don't do it again until Notre Dame. That's the rule. Like, you get one opening night. Notre Dame week. You can do it again. If we're doing it every week, he can't do it in the game next week. No, Chris is right. Like, he established himself.

I am a Heisman candidate. There's no reason to do it again until some, maybe not at all this season, but certainly not until something huge happens. Chris is right. Because it was so huge against Stanford. No, again, it's establishing, I am here. You better include me. The foundation.

Yes. That's it. The conversational foundation. That's one of the great arguments of all time. You don't need to actually have it. You can get into a conversation by not. not inserting yourself into the conversation with quality. No, no.

Week to weak quality. No, no. It's part of what this Kane's brand is, okay? It's not just kicking everyone's ass. You're going to let them know about it too. So you get out there, you do the Heisman pose. It's part of who they are. I'm into it.

Exactly right. And that's why you break it out against Clemson when you get your lick back from 58-0. You remember that? You remember that? Over there, they run down the hill. You kick their ass 58-0. You break out the Heisman pose right there.

I'm telling you, the Keynes M.O. that game against Clemson, it's October 3rd? Get your leg back. Should be to get dabble fire the next day. All of you noticed what Michael Irvin's body looks like as he approaches 60 years old with all his belt slapping on the sidelines, right? All of you noticed the six-pack when the shirt came up and that he's got the body of a 20-year-old that he's completely shredded. And he was on with us last week. And I was grateful that he didn't get mad when I said not many teams have a Hall of Famer as their mascot. And he said, He was offended by that. Well, he said, you're only permitted to say that because you've known me 40 years, and I did appreciate the grace from him. He shouldn't be offended by it, though, because he is a mascot, I guess, is insulting, cheerleader, I guess is insulting, but he is those things for them.

And they should be honored to have him on the sidelines doing it, because the pedigree is that he's telling you, not me, Samson, before this game was played. He said that the University of Miami has never had a player like Malachi Tony. He said it as a guy who came from Broward County, a guy, you know, Santana Moss is the closest thing. A Miami guy, Miami legend, but Santana Moss wasn't this. He wasn't 12 catches for 230 yards when everyone knows that's the guy you got to stop. Where do you see the six-pack?

The picture over on the right there you will see when the shirt comes up when it reignites. And I'm going to do something to you here that I'm sorry to do it because people are watching. Look, you missed it because you were looking at me. Okay, you don't get it. Six-pack like that naturally. Two minutes. Stolling a show. You don't know when has a six-pack like that.

Out. He does. Stop. No. Wait, to. Okay. He does. You think that that's steroids. That's what you're accusing him of.

You don't get a six-pack from jeans. Out. Minor penalty, two minutes. Dumpster juice takes. That's four minutes for you. You put the show on pause. Wow. You made us look at a stomach that's been on the screen for 40 minutes.

And then you're telling us that he's recovered. Ricardo Montelban in Star Trek, where he's got a prosthetic chest. Go ahead and find that for me, guys. Con. Right, right. Fine for me. A still please of Ricardo Montoban as Khan in Star Trek so that people can see what it is that David Samson is accusing Michael Irvin of.

Dan, you said Malachi, Tony, best homegrown guy. Are you going to put that up in it? Let's bring your high school days back. Andre Johnson better homegrown guy or Malachi Tony? Andre Johnson was different, right? Andre Johnson obviously a complete NFL wide receiver, but Andre Johnson was not somebody, Zaz, that you thought was going to be the Tyreek Hill type of power cable.

He's a big guy, and he is also a big play receiver. But it's not any play that you throw to Andre Johnson four yards out could go 70. Like it's just not, I've not seen. There was, Kevin Williams was a player like this in terms of stature, size, quickness. I would have thought at most times in my life before Tyreek Hill that someone like Malachi Tony wasn't big enough to play in the pros. That's usually, it's usually not quite elusive enough at that size to be able to be 17 years old

and running around on a college field in a way that's unstoppable is assinine. But Andre Johnson did beat Cortland Finning its ass. Oh my God, that was awesome. Yeah, I mean, but Andre Johnson, Ken Dorsey, Vinnie Testerverty to Michael Irvin. I believe that the games are going to look like this all the time. I do too. That he's going to be like a number one in the NFL, the stats that you're used to seeing from a number one in the NFL,

where the offense is going to be so good against again. I'm going to keep saying this. Really weak competition. Name the first five games on the schedule, Tony, please. Just name the first five opponents. Florida A&M, Wake Forest, Central Michigan, Clemson, and then you got Florida State on 10-7. Tony, you know that moment at a party or at a tailgate

where everything just sort of clicks. I know it well. It's usually when I show up. Everybody goes crazy. Yeah, you usually take all the credit for it, but it's because Tony usually walks in with Quervo. Walking like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Quervo is a thing. that turns hanging out into this is the night. It has that effect on people. It does. You usually take the credit for it. But again, it's the Cuervo effect. It's like that moment in a big game where everyone in the crowd just starts standing up,

hooting and hollering. Keep it quervo. Keep it quervo, baby. Ah, folks, listen up. You wouldn't want an offense alignment to play wide receiver, would you? No, you wouldn't. You need the right person.

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to reduce the nix and cuts. Because that is one injury, folks, nobody wants to explain. Find Manscape and the lawnmower lineup today at Target and CVS. Dan Levatar. I've never stepped foot on that campus. If you told me right now, your life depends on it. Go to Santa Fe University and just take a picture. Jonathan Sasselow.

I would die. I don't know where it is. This is the Dan Levatar show. I'm being serious when I say this. All right. Right now, the line on the Miami-Clemsingham, Cains are favored by seven. How am I not putting a million dollars on that right now?

Somebody getting hurt before that? Mensa getting hurt before that? That's a joke, right, Dan? I mean, Clemson did not look like it belonged on a field with LSU when I'm going to say that LSU and Miami are probably pretty close to comps on athletes. And this part, I don't think people were paying attention to because Duke, while it won the ACC last year, lost five times. Mensa was excellent for them last year without these players, without this offensive line, without these skill guys.

Mensa was great last year. Not good. Great. This quarterback, I'm going to keep saying it, is better than Carson Beck. I can say it after one game. I don't think a whole lot of people listening to me would dispute it. Like not if you were watching Duke at all last year. But David is back after his dumpster juice take.

You want to look at his stomach again? because I want to be clear on what you're alleging as they continue to look for Ricardo Montelbon and his prosthetic chest in Star Trek because I need to see, I'm pretty sure Ricardo Montelbaum was probably about the age Michael Irvin is now when he was con in Star Trek and it was just simply a prosthetic muscle suit. What are you alleging make it clear on Michael Irvin because I believe that's natural. I've never seen someone have a body like that from simply sit-ups, ever. Well, it's not simply sit-ups. It's also a Hall of Fame football career. It's not simply sit-ups.

I've seen a lot of athletes without their clothes on. Michael Irvin, I will tell you that, look, for whatever the criticisms are. Not imputing him, Dan. You just don't. It's not natural. Let me tell you two Michael Irvin's stories real quick. Just. I'm not imputing him. It's just not natural. You are impuging him when you say it's not I don't understand when you say no one gets that just from sit-ups. So no one who has a six-pack is doing it naturally? No. What?

Not one person is not using supplements. Go ahead, Dan. Define supplements, so, Dave. Start with creatine. Okay, but there's nothing wrong with that. Cretine's okay. Your brain makes creatine, you're fine. That doesn't count as a supplement to you?

No. We're not talking about it's like steroids. Tony, well, creatine is a supplement. It is a supplement. The body does produce it, but you can also, and do use creatine in order to get more muscular. But you're accusing him, you're accusing Michael Irvin of steroid use.

I'm telling, no, you said steroids. I said it's not natural. That's all I said. You can move on. Those are synonyms. You're stopping the show. We are in the mud. Those are synonyms.

Do you think Michael Irvin is using anabolic steroids? I have no idea if he's put a needle in his ass. I just say you don't get a six-pack from doing sit-ups. Move on, Dan. Your first one was creatine. I don't want to move on because what you just, did is a response. You work out a lot. Do you have a six-pack? I saw you working out today. I don't have one pack and I run all the time. I have a zero pack. Okay, so you're the example. You're

comparing yourself to a film. I'm in great shape. Hall of fame. I don't dispute that, but you're comparing. No packs. You're saying you eat jelly beans all day. That's true. But even the people who eat the best food in the world don't get a six-pack. You still not tasting anything? Half and half. 20% is what the doctor said. You've gotten a little bit back. How it's getting better? How does the doctor know? No, because we do tests. Yeah, how does the doctor know?

They do tests. So yeah, you're about 20%. That's it. I mean, it's like saying clogging of the arteries. Is it, it's about 25%? Is it certain foods? I'm still not discerning licorice for cinnamon. That's the real bellwether.

Huh. No packs, Dan. Good contribution, Roy. Chicken thaw. Yeah. He's more of a dentist. One of a little. Take 100 bucks.

Roy, you want to get in there with a huh? get in there with a huh as a chicken to Michael Irvin stories. But before I get to, let's just play the Spanish call of one of the Malachi Tony touchdowns because I believe that everyone's going to be hyperventilating all season about this guy. Malacaytoni, he's going to be courtingalayanalcedro for Malacai. Miami! That rapid, carren the cars, the cars of Miami. It's a great call. I wonder what he said.

Tony doesn't like the call. It's all right. It's great. It's whatever. It's fine. The two Michael Irvin stories, one of them, okay, is because a lot of people would look at him and say that Michael Irvin was undisciplined because he had issues with the police and drug use, etc. and he's like, no, what discipline is isn't the way that you think of it. Discipline is you are dog tired because it's the fourth quarter and it's the orange bowl and it's really hot

and you don't have anything left in your body because you're just totally spent. Discipline is the hard count comes when your mind has just fried, you're tired, and you have the discipline to not jump on the hard count because your mind is strong and ready for the size of that moment. This Super Bowl champion used to when he was playing for the Dallas Cowboys know that his workout was done when he had thrown up for the second time during a workout, not for the first time. That's when he would stop the workout. That man's been exercising like that for 40 years. Like I'm unsurprised that he looks like that. The surprise is that you've accused him of if not steroid use being unnatural when he's looked like that. The entire life that I've known

him all 40 years, that's what he's looked like. So he was using steroids from George Myra Jr.? Well, no, I was in a locker room with him. With the Cowboys, I was in a locker room with him. How many other players had that when you were in the locker room? Not a ton like that. Not a lot like that. Like, it's not all of them.

But yes, an NFL locker room is filled with a decent amount of that, like a lot of six-backs. More than baseball. I understand that you've been in baseball locker room. He's looking at guys that are like Bartolo Colon-style, and you're like, yeah, what are we doing here? It's a lot of Michael defensive linemen, defensive linemen.

You'd be surprised. How many offensive and defensive linemen are stacked? Guys, go ahead and just get Miles Garrett and Micah Parsons for Samson. Like, there are a lot, they're in very good shape. I mean, I think it goes without saying. Regardless, it's taken me too long to get here. How did Chris Cody and Roy ruin what Chris Cody is saying is the Shiva and not the funeral? bring you back to just a place that I only want to go back to for purposes of this story and

anything therapy related. But we're, have Shiva, which is what you do when after a funeral, you go back to the home and you're with the mourners and there's some food and there's some conversation. And then you take a break and then you have another round of Shiva. But during the break, it's nap time. It's sleep time. There's no guests. We're in the middle of all sleeping. and all of a sudden, we hear a knock on the door. And it could have been an Amazon guy, strangely not knowing there's something going on. And then it turns out to be Chris Cody,

who shows up at Shiva. He had the wrong time. He came when nobody else was there. There was one car there, and he sees that there's no cars there. And instead of leaving... What did everyone Uber? He thought everyone Uber.

I thought it was early. I thought maybe it was... You don't ever want to be. be first to Shiva. That's rule number one. You've got to then capture signing the book. Everyone, come on. Right. If you're first in, you have to talk to all the mourners. It is very emotional.

But the one thing you really don't want to do is be early. And I thought that was ridiculous, but I love Chris for coming. It's an effort. How early was he, and how many mourners are sleeping that he's waking up with a knock on the door? He was hours early.

I believe it was 2.30 and it started at 6. Yes. So just Now, I look at this as above and beyond. Who went to, did many go twice? Because I went to shiver twice. It was amazing. And I understand there was not as much traffic as you may have thought. So that definitely changed it.

Did you think you were on the wrong house, Chris? Now, all right, I'm not going to point fingers, but this was Zaz's fault. Zaz was leading us, the days leading up to this, Zaz was like, all right, guys, I know how Shiva works. I'll tell you everything. Okay, it's all day. You bring the blah, blah, you what you can bring, one not to bring. And Zaz said it was all day, you know? I guess I should have checked.

with you. So I'm blaming Zaz there. Did you not say it was all day? I don't remember. And Zaz, you said bring food. You don't bring food to Shiva. Really? I thought everyone was bringing food. No, you don't. What do you mean? I brought you. Yeah. Of course you do. Well, this is how you ruined the Shiva. Roy walks in. Roy walks in and it was so good to see Roy and you brought, I mean, it's just, I love you and I, you have to understand that this is not show. I appreciate it. You have no idea. But you walked in with a platter of food. And we put the platter on the main table because we wanted to be nice

and try to get your food to be gotten to be eaten. But the food that you brought was non-Jewish food. Well, yeah, that's, yeah. What? Yes. What do you mean? You should have said that. No, no, I did say someone asked, you know, does it have to be kosher? I'm like, I don't know if David's house keeps kosher or not, so I don't know.

What kind of answers that? Wait, that's what you said? Yeah. Wait a minute. What kind of answers that? Is Roy getting framed for food that Chris Cody bought? Is it pastilitos that were the criminal item, pastilitos. Is it the pastilitos?

Yes. I didn't buy pastaolito. I bought this at a Jewish market. Wait, what did you bring? It was Jewish food that I brought. If he got a Jewish market, it doesn't matter what he brought. Who brought the Cuban fried? Chris Cody did. Oh, my God, Roy. Chris Cody did. Chris Cody,

you just framed the black guy. You can't bring pastolitos to a shiva. Come on. Since one. All right, that was me too. I don't know what a shit. I don't know shivers. I don't know Shiva. I got there. Cody said it was you.

What? When everyone was at the Shiva, you were all standing in the corner, and I said, who brought the fried pork? There wasn't fried pork there. Hold on. You brought, you brought, you brought, prokitas? No, no, go wild. I brought the whole spread of Cuban pastries.

You also bring a tray of bacon? I brought the pack that had, like, all Cuban pastry thing. Were you in the back? The history of shifts? Spinning a pig? I figured everyone would be bringing sim. similar stuff, so I was like, I'll keep it, you know, from Miami. Chris, wait a second.

Answer me this question. Did you bring croquettas? Bro, I went to Vickies and I just grabbed one of those. The party trays. He did a cah china. I did the whole tray. How big was the ham you brought? Look, I got mocked when I got there.

I was, I was let know, I was told right away that I'm an idiot. Okay? I don't know what you guys want from me here. I tried to do the nice thing. I tried to get something. I've never been to a shoe before. So hold on. So if you would have,

Dave, if he would have just done the cheese pastries, the guava pastries, and maybe the meat pastries, we would have been fine. Well, no, you're mixing the meat. You can't have. Well, no, there's no meat and cheese. They're both separated on the platter. Yeah, but you can't eat them together. But what if you put them at different sides of the table. Doesn't matter.

You know what I did? I made David smile on a tough day. So you're welcome for that, David. Let me be super offensive to Jewish people. See if you gets a smile out of that. I, the love I felt, just to be serious for one second, gentlemen, the love I felt, the love I, I felt from everyone to Metal Arc, everyone was out of this world. So thank you.

I walked in so proud with that tray. You woke the mourners, the sleepy tired, you woke the sleepy tired mourners, and then you blasphemed on their religion by trying to give them a pork poison. Wake up. I'm here with all your pork. I'm here early. Malachi, Sikosana.