The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)

Episode Date: June 3, 2025

On the season finale of GoalLess... the guys discuss PSG's dismantling of Inter Milan in the Champions League final and whether or not Manchester United vs Tottenham was the worst European final of all time. Also, a look back at some of this season's best bits and our way too early 2025-26 predictions. Thanks for listening this season, see you all this fall! And always remember, of all the unimportant things in life, football is the most important! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Smart, Blast, Neon In our last Goal List of the Season, we have all the reaction to an emphatic Champions League Final. The winners and losers in Europe this season will recap some of our favorite moments from the show and look ahead to what's in store for the beautiful game. It's an absolute roller coaster of emotions, Witty. For final time this season, let's go! GOAL! GOAL! GOAL!

GOAL! GOAL! GOAL! Goal! Goalless. Welcome to Goalless, the noisy cowbell players in football's rock band. Russell, good to see you again for one final time this season. We've been kind of chronicling this Champions League as it went all the way through, and it ends up with as one side of a final as we've ever seen, maybe the best performance we've ever seen in a Champions League final,

from a PSG team that has kind of been debated as both amazing and also kind of a triumph of sports washing. What did you make of it all as the final played out? PSG 5, Inter nil. However they got to that team, the team they have is exceptional. And I noticed watching it, not only are they a team, but individually, they all win their battles. And this is a good inter-team.

I kind of also sense that Luis Enrique, I don't know, that, you know, it felt like the spirit was with him, you know, with the whole story with his daughter. It just felt like we are winning and we are going to win emphatically. It, you know, it was wonderful. The only person that must have not enjoyed it was Mbappe. Do you know what I mean? I can imagine. I hope to God he wasn't wearing white jeans because I imagine there was food everywhere. He was flinging stuff. His neighbors must have been like, Jesus, Killian's really losing it. But it was, they were fantastic.

Hakeemi was fantastic. Douay, Vettinia, Gilles Neves, the Georgian that nobody can pronounce. Just, just unreal. Dembele, what a team. And it's that, it's like you've said, really, it's that team has come together since January. And they're young and yeah they're gonna take some stopping. And it was a great final, it was one-sided but having watched the Europa League which was like watching two alcoholic grandmothers fight in a car park, it's nice to see a truly brilliant team

turn on the power, you know. And the wild thing is that normally every big Champions League game It's the reason why we love it. It's heavyweight teams coming up against each other and throwing punches at each other It is so rare that we see games at this level Where one team is so obviously better than the other and it seems like they couldn't come to grips with PSG Physically in turn they couldn't like run enough to get into space To then get into the places where they wanted to be to attack. And when they did get into attacking moments, it's like, oh my god, we got to do something here because if we don't, then they're going to get the ball back and they're going to have it for 90 more seconds.

And God, what are we going to do when they have the ball for 90 more seconds? And it was just sort of that level of panic that you don't normally see from a team in a Champions League final. Normally you see Inter, a team that are so composed, can play in a variety of different ways, so overrun by this BFG team. And I do think it's kind of interesting the way that we got here, because you mentioned it's been basically since December, January.

Dembele gets moved from a wing position to a center forward position, although sort of nominally, they kind of moved to the old false nine system that Barcelona used to play back in the day, where anyone can kind of play anywhere. And it was kind of funny to listen to the commentary and they're kind of saying, oh, the right back is in a forward position. Can you believe it? But you watch PSG enough and you sort of un-wed yourself from convention. You're like, well, there

are no positions. PSG have completely stretched any and all definition of what positions are. And that only comes from a group of players that all can defend, that all can control possession, that all can create chances and all can finish chances. Every single player on the pitch, maybe bar the centre backs, participates in a complete total football obviously. Like, obviously the Dutch invented that. Yeah, it's funny you mention that because that was exactly what I was thinking. It's like you have Hakimi who could essentially play as a forward or a right back, you know,

then Ballet can play anywhere across the front three. They're a really good team. How does Mbappe feel, do you think, watching that? Is it frustration? Or is it that thing that they... Is there something exciting about the teams that are holding on to their star man to see a team lose the star men of all star men and then go on to be better? Is there something quite exciting about, you know, Man United going, is there a future

beyond Fernandez, Palace getting rid of Eze, you know, Liverpool and Salah? Does it, hopefully it gives hope that the system is always better than the one individual. And that's how I've kind of always felt about sport. I've always kind of been the one to ask the question, oh, I wonder what PSG would look like without Mbappe or what Real Madrid would look like without Ronaldo, which they were fine. Real Madrid went on to keep winning Champions Leagues after Ronaldo left. And I do think that sometimes teams can be too centered around an individual player.

Obviously, you need to have some level of collective talent. As you said, it wasn't just about a system. It was about individuals all went out and win their battles. But if you're Mbappe, I think first off, you think, well, I won the World Cup, and I probably could easily have won a second if Randall Colabuani could have finished a chance an extra time against Argentina. So it's not like he's short of collective accolades. I do think though that Mbappe might wonder though, well that viral video of Luis Enrique basically saying, hey, Michael Jordan defended his ass off too.

Scottie Pippen defended his ass off too. And just because they're great offensive player doesn't mean you can't also be a great defensive player. That's similar in you to basically do what Dembele did for this team. He could have done it, and of course, he could have done it his whole life. But I think Mbappe came up in the PSE team of Neymar. And I think that kind of set a bad individual example for him. Who is your man of the match? Let's do it.

You probably have to go with Dewey just because of what he did. That little flick was just, I mean, the audacity to do that in a Champions League final. How many coaches, how many people would tell you not to do that? And here he is completely expressing himself in this game. I think you've hit the nail on the head there. I don't know if Enrique doesn't tell them. Do you know what I mean? I think that might be their secret weapon. It's like, I trust you because all of you have got the ability to do something extraordinary.

And if you fail, somebody's got your back. Yeah. Like, do you know what I mean? It is simultaneously highly systematized and highly individualized. Yeah. There's an incredibly well-drilled system in this team where everyone moves in coordination with another. But ultimately football comes down to who creates in the individual moments.

And Douay and Cavalad Scalia are all players that can do that. So phenomenally like one minute there. They're a jazz band next minute. They're dropping drones Yes, you know, I mean, it's kind of it's like you can do whatever you want and then we've lost it kill kill But that's what's so impressive about them But that the great Barcelona team with the kind of noughties have that same thing as soon as they lost it They just kind of swamped teams which is so wild because normally we think of those teams as kind of soft centered You can get at them. You can get at Puyol, you can get at Pique But there's nothing about this PSG team that feels very soft centered

Which is kind of the terrifying bit because we know they have amazing Attacking in technical quality to create and have possession and and go at teams and create chances But to kind of have that happen also on the flip side defensively where you're that good at get hunting the ball is Kind of ridiculous. It is the team ethic that was built That is what you gain by not having him back But when you when you are carrying a passenger defensively there is what so good you can be on the other side of the ball But when all 11 players are committed to it, and you also wonder as well, it's kind of a story of journeys as well.

You think about Uxman Dembele. I don't know if he was gonna be that player when he was bought by Barcelona for over 100 million euro. Or he was probably gonna go to Barcelona and be an attack-minded player. But when it didn't work out for him, all of a sudden the very compelling message of Luis Enrique of, if you just follow my lead,

I will take you to where you want to go. And maybe unfortunately for him is that lead includes a lot of running and you're going to have to do it my way. But I promise you you will get your 30 goals, which he eventually went and did. I also kind of want to point out that in the midst of this change of system of Dembele moving up front. There are two strikers that they signed for 160 million Euro that are basically tossed off to the side.

Randall Colomuani, who I mentioned earlier, could have scored the winning goal on the World Cup final, signed from Eintracht Frankfurt to PSG for 95 million. Gonçalo Ramos, who actually replaced Cristiano Ronaldo at the very same World Cup for a game, and he scored, I believe, either two goals or a hat-trick in a game for Portugal, then got signed by PSG for, I want to say, 65 million. It could have been more. Both of them have had their turns at playing Center for PSG. Luis Enrique kind of went,

I'm not really having either of you, but there's still a ton of money, and there's still a lot of brilliant players in this team, but there's still a lot of money spent, particularly that front four. If you include Douay, Cavarazalea, Dembele, and Barcolou came off the bench, it's at $240 million with the player. So they're still amazingly talented. They're just executing at an incredibly high level in the system. I think it wasn't, but the difference being they're bought for 240 million, they're probably

worth 500 million now. Right. But that's the difference. Yes. Every one of those players is now a level of individual star that will exceed what they were bought for. It's kind of like high level moneyball, isn't it? Do you know what I mean?

Yes. And they'll probably lose a bit of money on the two other strikers you mentioned, but fundamentally they could still sell the team and be in the green. Yeah. Yeah. I thought Batini played very well again. Oh man.

For two years now. For two years now I watch him, I go, he's playing at a level that very few can. Especially when so much of the modern game is about sort of those number sixes. You see what Declan Rice gets bought for. You see what Rodri would go for now if he was on the open market. I think Citi bought her for 50 million and that's an absolute steal now compared to what those number sixes that can physically and with the ball control a game. Our producers asking question I think is a very good one. Is this the start of a dynasty?

Do you think that this is a team that can very easily win multiple bits of silverware? Will it feel like they're all young or they're in their prime? But Hakimi is absolutely in his prime and any left-sided winger going up against him is going to have to have the game of their life to do anything. Donnarumma has been phenomenal this year and also they've got that monkey off their back. They've won it now. So they don't have that kind of, they won't have the fear from the crowd of like, oh, we're going to screw it up. Did you watch the other European finals? Yeah. Yeah. The Chelsea one was fascinating. I thought that, I thought that these four

half were going to do it. I really did. I thought that they were the better side in that first half. They were the better it. I really did. I thought that they were the better side in that first half They were the better side probably for 60 minutes. I remember watching before Chelsea's first call I think I said out loud this Chelsea team do not look at it today at all like and you're wondering like where is everyone? And then Cole Palmer hits that one cross and that appears to have changed everything for them So Chelsea win the conference and then you already mentioned the two drunk grandmothers fighting it out in the Europa League final Has there been a worst European Cup final ever than that? In terms of like, are they the two worst

teams to have ever played in a major European final? It was... And we'd have to go back in Mofu, but it was terrible. It was terrible. I was imagining kind of like what kind of foreign fans would think of English football. Do you know what I mean? You could just imagine the world over going, what this is? This is English football? This is, you know, they're just, you know. And also probably the fan, the fan bases of the teams in their wake going, man, we couldn't beat this lot. If you're, if you're a Leon or athletic club, even who obviously

dreamt so much of hosting that final on their stadium, you're going, man, we couldn't beat this man. We lost seven to this Manchester United team. How? How did that happen? But yeah, I mean, for Spurs though, it's vindication for Ange, it's a trophy, it's Champions League football. Their season goes from disaster to, wow, there's a lot we can salvage from this in one game. Can you sack somebody if they've got you Champions League football? I guess you can because you lost 21 games, or 22 games ended up being, which is the most losses for a team that's ever avoided relegation, which I found to be a remarkable stat that Tottenham Hotspur have set that record.

My friend Adeel, who's a Spurs fan, was crying because it just, and it's something really lovely about that, that you kind of, you forget, you know, a lot of clubs don't get to win stuff. It's like Palace winning the FA Cup finals. Just brilliant. You know, I mean, it's obviously a red, Jesus. But, but the very fact that there has been, you know, the fact that New Castle won the league cup, great. Palace won the FA Cup, you know, it's kind of, Spurs are going to be in the champions

league. Yeah. I mean, obviously PSG winning a Champions League for the first time Yeah, right even Napoli even though they've won it For a second time in three years only their fourth time ever in club history and you can see in the celebrations that no shit Is that right? Yeah, not really. Napoli like are kind of among the Giants and Seria, but they have very little history of winning It's really only you've a Intel and and Milan that have an actual genuine history of winning. But for Napoli, it's their fourth ever time. You can tell in the celebrations, because I think the previous time they won it on

the road. And so to win it at home in that stadium, the entire stadium was surrounded by flares. It was incredible. But yeah, I mean, there are a lot of first time winners. McTominay, you know, wins Serie A with Napoli first season, you know. Harry Kane's first silverware of his career, you know. One of the biggest shocks was, and I was only aware, you know, I don't really follow Dutch football from the day to day, but the way that Ajax fell apart, my god, that's wild. Nine point lead with seven games to go. Crazy.

It's not like their opposition PSV were like, they won all seven of their games and so they were on their way. It's like they were also blowing results and then Ajax were just that terrible. It's kind of wild to see a manager, Francesco Farioli came in from Italian football, engineer a good season. They were on their way to winning the title.

And in seven games went from, we're building around this guy too, he's out, he left, he left the club and like that is again like I think that was kind of the theme of the last month of the season for me was how quickly the narrative can shift from great to awful in one tournament in one month for Inter it went from we're going to win the treble again to winning nothing, winning nothing. But what a season it's been fantastic as ever And also here's the big thing. Here's the certainly in England, the elephant in the room is still, what's going on with Man Z? Like, were they under investigation? That was one of our first Goal List episodes. We're about to do like a retrospective on

the year. I would say maybe episode three or four was we had a guest on Sam Lee of the Athletic breaking down the charges and what we were going to do about the charges. It's going to come in January, it'll come in March, and like a whole other season has come and gone without us knowing anything. So we'll get to our predictions at the end of what will happen in the future. But I mean, for the moment, we have to treat Manchester City as if they're in next season's Champions League. But we don't know with 100% certainty that that is going to happen But after that look on our retrospective on the season after the break

We'll turn back the clock and relive some of our favorite moments from the show rather than from the season. That's next Welcome back to Goal List. Russell the Goal List team have put together some of their favorite moments from this season. The Goal List team? Yeah, we've got a team of people that work on this podcast. Max. Yeah, Max, to be fair, has been working on Overdrive for like an hour before the recording because producer Tim did not give him enough notice on these clips. He's got to get grinding away through all the nonsense that we've talked about. That's their relationship. To find the clips.

Tell the world what's going on. We got a demonic Santa working that poor elf bastard. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable what producer Tim has done to Max today. So let's wander down memory lane starting with this moment from your pal, Russell John Oliver, where we discuss how your mum sounds a lot like current Swindon town manager Ian Holloway. No, you don't talk like Ian Holloway. He does. He does.

My mum does. My mum does. And all of my cousins. So for me, it's like watching one of my cousins go in. Like, fuck's sake. Just don't mean we're trying to get it up him and then they're fucking defending like that, fuck me sideways. Anyways, nice to meet you.

He's not exactly, his mom is basically Ian Holloway in a wig. Yeah. Do you know, that's one of my memories. Remember John's stay around my house and I'd done various impressions of my mom on stage down the years and John was wearing some sandals, if you can believe such a thing, and he very neatly put the sandals or the flip-flops at the bottom of the stairs before he went to bed. And my mum saw these sandals and bellowed up, John- Who's staying in the house? Fucking Jesus! And John, John was at the top of the stairs looking at me and went, oh my god, it's all

true, it's all true. It's all true. We got Jesus in the house. All right, Jesus. Oh, praise be. Look at him. Let me run a bath so you can do that trick across the water. All right, Jay. So here you're going to bring peace to the fucking galaxy. How do you like your eggs? Use a glass of water. Pinot Grigio. My favorite part of that, Russell, is that we are doing this show ostensibly for an American audience. American audiences watch the Premier League, they might have seen Ian Holloway in his Blackpool Times, but perhaps a very specific reference. And yet, even if you have not heard of Ian Holloway, you kind of know exactly who he is based off of your impression

of him. Yes. But he harks back to that sort of, you know, that mid noughties. So it was the perfect time for football. And, you know, obviously I'm nostalgic about it, but it's when managers like Ian Holloway could still be in the premier league, I guess, Ange is kind of a bit like that, he's kind of, I'm not a clown, mate, I'm not a clown. It's those moments. And it's kind of, you know, I miss that. He's kind of, I'm not a clown, mate. I'm not a clown. It's those moments. And it's kind of, you know, I miss that. It feels like sometimes managers have the kind

of their media trained out of those. I would love it if we won. Love it. You know, and you very rarely get that. I guess Arteta does it a bit. Sometimes you can sort of see the sweat on the mascara and he's kind of got that fury, but yeah, I miss managers like Holloway, I really do. Yeah, I think what you're trying to say is it's all just gotten a bit LinkedIn, hasn't it? It's a bit like people that read a few too many leadership books

and have gone to a few too many leadership conferences and aren't just characters. Like Ian Holloway is just a complete and absolute character and ends the same thing. Like that's what I've enjoyed about him for two years. And if he leaves Spurs and leaves the Premier League, that is what I will miss about him. Is that you kind of don't know what's going to happen next when it comes to him. So that is a brilliant Ian Holloway, if a very specific reference. On a separate note, I was talking about my cousins.

My cousin Lewis, his son's team, an under 13 team just outside Bristol, they won their league. And going into the final game of the season, he was staying around my house with his son and his daughter the day before. And we kind of had this chat, me and Lewis, and I said, how are you going to approach it as their manager? And he was like going, I don't really know. And I was trying to be the kind of older brother and going, I think what you've got to do is just tell them, listen, give it everything. Don't leave anything there, but don't frighten them. You know, let them know about the potential that this is going to be a memory forever. And he was like, yeah, yeah, fair point. It's

two, two. And in the last 10 minutes they win 5-2. And I speak to Lewis and I said, what did you say? And he went, I just called him in and said, you do it, you fucking little fuckers. You go out there, you smash it. Like all the plan, all these plans went out the window. He told me, he goes, it's the first time I've done it, but it really works. So he essentially screamed at his children. He told me he said he goes it's the first time I've done it, but it really works Into like a National League manager, I don't know if you've ever seen the result of them So so maybe gentle parenting doesn't work another favorite moment for the team

We're singing Liverpool songs with our friend and exec producer on goal as will are net Particularly witty's valiant attempt to do Luis Diaz's song Justice. Let's listen. My favourite is still is Ole Ole Ole. Oh yeah. It's beautiful isn't it? And there's something about that gesture. The new Luis Diaz song is fantastic. How does that come? He called on Lucho, he came from Porto, he came to score, you haven't seen, oh it's

like huge on video. Oh it continues, come on back to yourself. He came to score, came to score, came to score, score, score, is Luis Diaz, he's from Barancas, and he plays for Liverpool. Da da da da da, da da da da da. It's the tune of Bella Ciao. I don't know that one. What a great cut underneath.

I made my head like a dickhead for 30 seconds and he just goes, I don't know it. Can you imagine that would be the best heckle at a karaoke bar? Not one I've heard of. At the end, at the end, when you're done singing. Yeah. I tell you, I had an experience. I was in a karaoke bar in Sheffield recently, and when you hear old Northern men singing Arctic Monkeys songs, it really changes the feeling of the lyrics. Do you know what I mean?

I bet that you look good on the dance floor. It's like, ugh, ugh. If you're a teenager in a tracksuit, that's fine. But if you're an old man, you go, I don't know what you're looking for. I don't know if you're looking for romance. I don't know what you're looking for. It's chilling. It's amazing. It changes everything.

But I didn't know you knew that song. How did you find that song out? You're not a Liverpool fan. My TikTok algorithm tends to feed me football songs, because I always engage with them. I love football songs. I love how they come about. I love how people engage with them. How, you know, it kind of becomes a new thing and then you hear it on the TV. And mostly, honestly, I'm curious about them because when you watch on TV, it's very difficult to discern the lyrics.

And so, like, when I hear them, I kind of want to, like, I go and explore, I'm like, all right, Luis Diaz song, what are those fans singing? And I end up singing with it because I just really enjoy them. I think it's one of the things that Americans struggle the most to relate to about English football fans is, how do you guys all get coordinated on the songs? Like, is there a meeting where we all go, this is the song and this is how we're going to sing it? No, it's like you kind of come up with it like it's seemingly on the coaches on the way trips or, you know, like all these different

avenues, or at halftime during the away stand, 10 people start to sing and then 100 people. It's still, I think boggles the mind how Brits put together these songs. It doesn't make any sense. I think because there's no cheerleaders, nobody's shooting a t-shirt with a rocket into the crowds. There's nobody with an organ going, eh, eh, eh, eh. It's just deeply frustrated men who've spent a lot of money who start screaming and then somebody puts that to a tune.

I think that's kind of, do you know what I mean? It's sort of, it's weird. I remember there's a brilliant comedian called Glenn Wall, a Canadian comic. And he kind of made that point. He went, I remember this line he had where he went, went to my first soccer game, pleasantly surprised to see that you sing songs. And out of, it's so unusual if you've never, you know, like, you know, and they had this bit about, you know, I didn't know it had to be specifics. Imagine the look I got when I laid down some Depeche Mode. There is that video.

I was at the Nike commercial where all the guys are singing, uh, truly madly deeply. And they're like all these like really aggressive football fans. They're singing like a beautiful love song together A reason for living, a deeper meaning in it I wanna stand with you on the mountain I wanna bathe with you in the sea And it's like, it is such a, I think, complete cultural disconnect that your angriest men join together in song. It doesn't, it really doesn't make any sense. But you're so right, it's like, I got a sore throat last night, I was singing at some men.

Do you know what I mean? It's just like, it's well-written for the high notes. Your love be everything that you need. But it's my favourite song, just because of how random it is, is the Chelsea song. I love that, because I don't know how they came up with it, but it's my favorite song just because of how random it is, is the Chelsea song. I love that because I don't know how they came up with it, but it's that, you know, this speaks to boredom. The Chelsea official song is celery, celery, if she don't come I'll tickle her bum with a lump of celery, celery. That's the song.

They all sing it. That can't be the song. That can't be the song. Google it, my man. That's the song. Yeah, celery, that's the song. They all sing it. That can't be the song. That can't be the song. Google it, my man. That's the song. Yeah, celery. That's unbelievable. Google celery now. Google celery Chelsea, please.

All right, I'm on it. I know you're in a hotel and you don't want them going through your internet history, but it's fine. Just get rid of it. Go to private browser. All right, well, we'll take a quick break and when we come back I'll have the Google results on Chelsea. Welcome back to Goalless.

Russell we've done the Googling and it turns out apparently Cel celery had to be banned from Stamford Bridge because of this song. CELERIE! CELERIE! IT'S SHIT DON'T COME ON TICKLE UP I'M A LUMB OF CELERIE! So, fucking hell you were right about that. I'm still wildly confused as to how that came about, but there we go. I'll tell you how that came about. That was a nil nil draw and a pervert just started bellowing. That's how that came about. And yet everyone must have been like, celery. He's just there in the corner. Celery, celery.

You're right there. You're right there, Nathan. You have a celery. If she don't come, I'll tickle up on her with a lump of celery. Sorry, he's fucking mad, he is. Celery. It's quite catchy though, isn't it? Celery.

If she don't come I'll tickle up on her with a lump of celery. Someone should really get rid of him. Celery. And before you know it, people are going to greengrocers, they're picking out the biggest and best bit of celery to then throw at the club. John Terry, I think after they won the Champions League finally, is swinging celery around like Morrissey with leeks. It's absolutely fantastic. All right. We were supposed to be doing clips here. We've got another one here, mate. This next one is actually a favourite of mine. It's

Rhys Darby telling a story about filming the movie Next Goal Wins and realising halfway through that he's telling a story he can't tell and then trying to get out of it by being as vague as possible. Then when we reshot the thing, because I had to get reshot because there was a certain actor that got a little bit cancelled. He was since uncancelling himself at the moment, I think. But, and I don't know the full details on that, let's not go into it, but I love digging small holes and leaving the dirt just around it. Can you imagine if the news was that vague?

Wouldn't that be wonderful? It would just kind of go. It was just context clues. Yeah, you're trying to figure out. Welcome to Hollywood, something terrible's happened. I think you know who it is. I know. Here's the weather.

That's a good one. Very good. Welcome to Hollywood, something terrible has happened. I think you know who it is. I know. Here's the weather. That's a good one. Vague news. That could be a new show for us. There's a movie coming out. It's not looking very good. But I want to let you know which one it is. I wouldn't go and see it myself. But you never know. Something for everyone, I guess. Some people do. Some people do. There you go. Recy Recy.

Just a bit of awkwardness around Armie Hammer. Absolutely. Can't say his name. I was only who was. Six months later you go and here's what it was. Yeah. I'll be like the follow up new show to the new show that we kind of came up with, which is six months later, it's sort of like the revealing of the crossword answers in the newspaper the next day. Now, one of the things we discovered this season is that

Russell is really good at doing voices and accents. My favorite was you voicing a bizarre story earlier this year of when Bulgarian topside Arakaya held a minute silent for former player Petko Che before kickoff only to discover the 78-year-old player was not yet dead. This is Russell and his best Bulgarian voicing Petkoche's reaction to being dead. Take a listen. I was 10 minutes late to watch the kickoff because I had a personal job that I'd rather not go into.

Whilst driving home, my phone started ringing a lot. I parked in front of our house, entered the yard and my wife greets me crying, shouting – Petko, Petko, they announced on TV that you have died. It is normal to spread a rumour here in the village, but they announced it in front of the whole football audience of Bulgaria. So many people called me – relatives, friends, acquaintances, and not so big acquaintances. The situation was not pleasant,

but in the end, we have to be positive. No, we don't. You know you don't. Your friends tried to kill you. God, I love that. In the end, we tried to be positive. What's so great, it's all his words. I love it.

It's just even, even like near death and even being Bulgarian, he still speaks like a footballer would speak. But that is a man essentially describing a 10-year-old defeat, but going, and at the end he goes, but you know, next week we go again, we, we fixed the defence and who knows, you know, it's just that my God, what a thing. But in the end you have to be positive. Press conference chat.

Ah, man, I love it. From a dead fan. Oh, so great. Uh, yes, I really enjoyed that. What a terrific, terrific story. And he's still with us. We should check that because this is, uh, this is a couple of months later. Um, yeah, let's hope it's still there.

Producers, come on, let's check it's still there. Now here is another one. There have been many impassioned moments from you this season. It's been hard to pick the best witty rant. There's been a few, but we've gone for this one about Erik Tenhag sacking from Man United. Let's listen. Let's get into some breaking news. It is the story that frankly I have been waiting for for far too long.

I have given way too many opinions about Eric Tenhag at Manchester United. And you might be thinking, Chris, you host a podcast that focuses on the Champions League. Manchester United played Champions League football last season, not this season. Hey editor Max, start the diss track now. The rest of us are only surprised it took this long after another wretched run of results to start this season. It's ironic that since 2022-2023, the only team to concede more goals than Manchester United are West Ham.

And you must say, this had been a long time coming. It is actually remarkable how poor Manchester United results have been. And it's easy to kind of forget that they are Manchester United, but they sit 14th in the Premier League table. This is Manchester United we're talking about. Sitting behind Bournemouth, Fulham,

Brentford, Forrest, Brighton, and in some ways, Eric Ten Hogg's own lack of success allowed him to have more not success because the standard has only lowered and lowered and lowered. The idea that not only did he continue after an abysmal season last year, at no point did Mattress United look like they were progressing under Ten Hogg. They finished eighth. They had a negative goal differential. They scored 57.

They conceded 58. -♪ BELL RINGS, APPLAUSE AND CHEERING CONTINUES... -♪ Oh, I loved that. That was... And somehow it got worse. That was the football nerd equivalent of M&M's Stan. Do you know what I mean? It was so detailed.

And yet, they're in exactly the same position with their new manager. Extraordinary, isn't it? I mean, worst position. Yeah, but, you know, given that it's like, where do we go so quickly? Where do we go from here? What do we do? Like, to the point where you go, you even forget that Ten Hag was the manager at the beginning of the season.

That's what I mean. Football is so fascinating, isn't it? You just kind of, you really thought that he would sort of kick that team on. But all of a sudden, particularly without, they don't have Europa League football, they don't have Conference League football, they don't have the Champions League, they've just got the Premier League. Have we got any more? Is there anything? We've got one final one. We've got one last one, Russell. Great.

And we've had a lot of fun with the games, with the quizzes here on the show. Here's a favorite moment in a game we created called Two Brazilians and a Lie, which is the fake name. It was harder than we thought it would be. Lots of famous and funny names with themes. Take a listen to this one. Witty. Shit.

Fucks. And wanker. Brilliant. Brilliant. Shit. Fucks. And wanker. Brilliant. Brilliant. Again. I mean, we're at the real base level. I'm just not having this.

I'm just not having this. Shit, fuck, and wanker. Jesus Christ. Imagine that. Oh, God. Just playing on a theme. Welcome to today's match of the day. So, it's three at the back.

Shit fucking wanker. Handjob in midfield. Trombone is the holding 10. Number 10 fat labia and missing clicks. Okay. It's going to be a wonderful two. Three changes from the team that last played against Fluminense with our souls dropping to the bench. So, so, so it's shit, fuck and wanker.

Right, Witty, what do you think, man? I'm going to say fuck. I refuse to believe that that's the name of a footballer. That's my guess. It's wanker. Oh man! Wow. Is it like F-U-C-H-S like Christian Fuchs? Mm hmm. Oh man. That's unkind. That is unkind. You've done me again Tim. There you go. I love that we still don't understand the quiz. Don't understand the game. I really enjoyed playing it. It really is just a vehicle for Tim to try and mess with me somehow. And it was quite effective. It was quite effective as it turns out.

Well, I hope you enjoyed that as much as we did, but it was a real trip down memory lane. What a season it's been. And on that note, we should look ahead to next year. Let's do that. Yeah. It's going to be wild as we say goodbye to last season. Let's look ahead to the summer transfer window and beyond. Looking at all these Premier League teams, are we kind of getting ready to load up? Your boys at Liverpool, I already got Jeremy Frimpong through the door. Florian Virts is the one that completely shocked me. I really thought it was either Bayern or City. Liverpool is a shock to me that your club are in for them.

I know. It's insane, isn't it? There's clearly money to spend. And I think they're going to offload a few. But my God, yeah. Who saw that coming? Florian Wirtz. I mean, we're spending a lot of money on him, but he's 22. And in the kind of PSG thing that I was talking about earlier, you know, if he does well, we'll probably be able to sell him for 150. out earlier, if he does well, we'll probably be able to sell him for $150. So, I think we'll make money off him if he does go to Bayern Munich in the future. It's a very cynical way of looking at it. It's kind of how you have to look at it, right?

I've seen a lot of highlight reels of him and he looks phenomenal. I'm just really surprised. I'm really surprised that Man City haven't gone for him. Apparently it came down, I mean you never know. This is the thing about the transfer. As soon as the season ends, football fans are so desperate for any sniff of football crack. But I was reading some article and basically the implication was that his family had gone to meet City and they were less impressed with Guardiola and whether Guardiola is still going to be

with City versus the Liverpool setup. Arnie Slott is like, I'm here, this is what I want to do. We won the league, we're going to go on, we're going to do this, we've got places. He was more impressed. So by all accounts, it was the chat with Slot that got him over the line. And I think similarly with kind of Vincent Company at Bay of Munich, you're kind of like, you're not really a Bay of Munich manager. You won the Bundesliga, but you know what I mean? You're with Bay of Munich. You should do that.

So incredible really. And apparently we're in for Kirkes as well. But what do you think about City signings? What do you think? Yeah, I mean, they've spent a ton. And apparently we're in for Kirkus as well. But what do you think about City signings? What do you think? Yeah, I mean, they've spent a ton. I think you look at Marmouch. I really liked him when he came in in January.

I was a little worried that that talent wasn't gonna translate, but everybody else hasn't really massively impressed yet, I don't think. And they're going for Reinders from Milan, who was terrific last season, had an incredible run of goal scoring. But I think to me he's a more natural replacement for Ilkay Gundogan. It looks like he's kind of

getting on in years so I can see him being there. Ryan Cherki, a very good creative player for Lyon is linked. Ryan Aitnori, the latest to be linked at left back coming over from Wolves. Really not surprised by that, but he's... It's a lot of money though, Russ. It's a lot of money that they're spending in the wake of these charges. It makes me think that they've kind of got one sewn up, you would think? Yeah, it must be. And Arsl have got that Zubamendi, apparently.

And it's the sort of strikers really, isn't it? It's Osserman, Schesko, and is it? Jokeres. Jokeres, but there's also, there's a German lad, it's like Eteteke or something like that. Oh, Eketike from, from Eintracht. Yeah, he's been very good, very good for them as well. But this is what happens. It's a bit like football fans in England become a bit like, you know, sort of, sort of MILFs

at a Spanish bar over here in cocktails. Do you know what I mean? And it's like, we should, we should try one of them, the Eteteke's. Yeah, let's get like. Do you know what I mean? And it's like, we should try one of them, the metateques. Yeah, let's get like, do you know what I mean? Yeah. But it is that thing we've got nothing else to do. So you just, you kind of want that. And also seemingly from my vantage point on the other side of the pond, no concept for money. Every club's fans goes, let's sell the shit players. We'll get a bunch of money for them. And then that'll finance everybody.

And like, it's just not how football business works. And that's how teams end up in financial trouble. Yep. But Newcastle, you know, I think because they made it into the Champions League. I think... At the very least, to keep their guys. Yeah, I think they will. All right.

So, so let's, so let's hear it. Let's hear your top four and your champion for next Premier League season then. Okay. Well, I think Liverpool should win. To play it safe, it's probably like Man City, Arsenal, Chelsea. I would say is my top four. With Chelsea to win the League Cup, Liverpool to win the FA Cup, and yeah, I would say PSG win the Champions League again. I'm trying to figure out how not to go boring with this prediction.

There's like a tiny part of me that wants to see if like Newcastle can make this interesting and they go and spend some money and like are competing at the top end. I would say Newcastle, but you know, aside from City and Arsenal, like City can't underperform like that again. I just can't see it happening. Especially with Roger Rebeck. Yeah, exactly. And I think Arsenal will get a striker and they'll have a few more kind of goals. And I just think Chelsea have got the beginnings of something there. But I also do think Newcastle. So I could easily see them kind of sneaking. I think the problem

is for Newcastle again, it's playing that Champions League every week. And Crystal Palace, who you know, are fantastic towards the end. But you wonder if they lose as a, do they kind of start as they did last season? Where it took them forever to get going and then they eventually went on and won things. And if you're Palace, you want to throw everything at the Europa League. You don't know when you're playing in Europe again. And so I feel like you want to give it a real go. I think Forrest could really struggle next year.

Like, okay, that's my interesting wild kind of, I think Forrest could get relegated next year. Wow. I think they're going to get raided as well. And I think if they lose a few players, they're in real trouble. And I don't think Chris Wood will ever have a season like that. So that's my kind of crazy, it could happen. It could happen that Forrest get relegated next year. So just to get my predictions on the record, I'll go for City to win the league. I'll go

for Liverpool to finish second, Arsenal to finish third. And yeah, I guess I'll go boring and pick Chelsea to finish fourth. I just, I'm kind of wondering what that leap is going to look like for Chelsea when it eventually happens, but I don't think it's coming. You need a striker and two centre backs. Yeah, that's what they need. And a keeper. They need a proper keeper, I think. Bonus prediction, I think Barcelona win the Champions League next season. Nice. It'll be very interesting to see what Yamal does next year as well because... I love that team, man. I love that team.

Well, again, but it feels like they're in the beginnings of where PSG have got to. And obviously Inter deserved to be there, but there definitely was a frustration from... It would have been good, wouldn't it? Yeah, it would have been great. And there was just a frustration from my part that Barcelona weren't there because it just, like they would have attacked them. They would have scored goals. Maybe PSG blow them away too, but at the very least Barcelona are scoring too,

no matter what. So I really was bummed out. But Russell, it has been a terrific season. That is it for us here for this season of Goalist. It has been a pleasure to work with you, sir. We've had the best time making this show for all of you. We hope to be back with more Goaless after the summer break. Hold on.

It's only a few weeks until the start of a new season. It certainly is. As ever, your support means the world to us. So please remember to like, rate, and subscribe to Goaless wherever you listen to podcasts. And follow us at Goaless, Show on Instagram for one final time. Let's do it, Whitty. You know what to say.

Goalus is probably sponsored by Paramount Plus, the home of the way for Champions League, the champions! Chris Whittingham has one foot on the beach. Go and put the other one on it. Goalus is a smartless media and meta-like media production. The show is hosted by me, Russell Howard, and Chris Whittingham, produced by Ethan Shrier and Timothy Fornara, with associate producer Mike Malley, edited and engineered by Maxwell Carney, with original music by Troy McCubbin. Additional sound design by Devon Tory Bryant.

Executive producers are Bimal Kabadia and Julia McInnis. For Smartless Media, the producers are Anne Harris and Bernie Kaminsky. Exec producers are Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett and Richard Cawson.