The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Hour 1: Better Call HJ

Episode Date: August 21, 2023

The Untold documentary about the 2008 Florida Gators team is on its way, but Lucy and the crew are concerned it won't dive deep enough into the team's controversy, and Mike may or may not have some info about the program's "fixer." Then, 'Rip Hamilton' was trending on X and it confused Jeremy and the rest of the people of the internet. Plus, are we younger and smarter than potty talk? Izzy tells us all about his shy bladder. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to Giraffe King's Network. This is the Dunlabel tour show with the Stugat's Podcast. So, tomorrow, one of the untold documentaries comes out on Netflix the one on the 2008 Florida National Championship team. I was so excited when they announced that this documentary is coming out. That team is absolutely crazy. So when I watched the trailer that changed entirely. This documentary is going to suck. I have zero faith in it. Urban Meyer is willingly in this documentary. He is like an interview in it. And the documentary I won on that team, Urban Meyer is willingly in this documentary. He is like an interview in it.

And the documentary I won on that team, Urban Meyer should not want to be a part of. Well, that's the kind of feel that I got with the Johnny Manzo and I didn't watch it because I was like, oh, this is just this guy's last act. He's just replaying everything that happened to him. And you look at him and you listen to him and your guys is interview with him.

And it's just like, has he really turned a corner? Has he done anything different? Or is he just trying to cash in on this last gasp of fame that he's probably gonna have? And so I figured some of these might be a little, you know, on the friendly side, if you will. And, you know, as a Florida gator,

I don't really want to see a bunch of negative stuff about my team, but it's probably going to be there. It's like, from what I've seen and from what the trailer showed, it seems like a piece more on the football aspect of that team, which is not interesting. Not even close. It's literally not. There have been better teams since then.

We like that team because so many players have been arrested at one point. There were murderers on that team. We're interested in that team, I think, is. Well, there are more than one. Now we like it. I think just one murderer. But there was a lot of crime. Teebo was killing it, though.

Yeah, Teebo, obviously. It just seems like the whole appeal of the 2008 Florida team is just how wild they were. And I don't think we're going to get any of that, because why in the world would Urban Meyer ever be like, sure. Do we think that the only bad info that we're gonna get is just like, oh, and Aaron Hernandez

killed somebody later? Like, is that all they're gonna do diving into this? Because if that's the case, I don't wanna know anything about this. I wanna know about all of the other arrests. I wanna know all of the stuff that basically Tibo was the face being the angel in front of all of this mayhem

happening behind the scenes. And that's what I want. Why else would you do a documentary on this team? Are you saying they're gonna actually talk about Aaron or it's just gonna be like a throw away? Oh, by the way, Aaron Hernandez killed some people on the move and they just lost part of it. No, last part of it, final 30 minutes are like,

oh, and there was also controversy around these teams. As they spend, you know, 30 minutes documenting Aaron Hernandez's murder that we already know about. I saw one of the saddest episodes of Sesame Street yesterday and I couldn't believe it. And I know you're wondering why we're here because it's related to what you just said. And then we're going to be on Hernandez. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so this is what happened.

It was an episode about bikes and they were riding bikes and they were going to the bike shop. And Luis was prominently featured and he was singing about bikes and they were writing bikes and they were going to the bike shop. And Luis was prominently featured and he was singing about bikes and he was teaching Bert and Ernie about bikes and training wheels and all this stuff. And he sang this whole song about bikes and we were learning all these things, right? And then the episode ends

and they're like, oh, goodbye, see you next week, whatever, right? And then at the end it said, RIP Luis. And I was like, what? Hey, guy. Like the guy died after they filled it and they just in pass, you just put like, by the way,

Reston P's, Acto Balobla, known as our Louise. And then like, we just go on to the next episode where we're saying, so many days and I'm like, wait a minute. Hold on a second about that. Is he, Louise died.

I forgot what am I supposed to say there. I know he's back to Heirin and I know. I'm not sure if I know, but I don't know if I was supposed to say something. I'm now down to number six on my list of hosts. The best sound while. I'm curious to watch this untold documentary series, but the nugget of Urban Meyer being involved

makes me think it's gonna be bad. But I think there's one thing that'll give away whether it'll be good or bad. And it's if they feature Huntley Johnson or not. It's not a name that you guys will probably know. He's an attorney who is a fixer for all their problems over there. And that's as someone that knows more than I let on

about what was going on in Gainesville at that time. Wait, what do you know? I know everything. You'll tell us everything about everything. I know, I know. You're not one to know things and not tell everyone what you know. I will. It's not my story.

What kinds of things did first harm things? But you don't know the things that I don't say. Make it your story. I know that I do. I know that I do. I've heard so many things about Percy Harvin, but I don't know what he did. Well, we'll see if they cover that. No, one of my, I have a couple of good friends that were involved in nightlife in Gainesville,

and everything that was going on in that town was micromanaged and everybody knew where everyone was and if anyone ran into any issues, there was a gentleman, Huntly Johnson, who was a powerful attorney at the time, that would, you know, be the plug. Right. So if they go, if they call him HJ,

if they feature Huntly Johnson and they pull back the layers on what he meant to that program because you'd say Urban Meyer, you'd say T-Bo, and then you'd say Huntley Johnson in terms of important people that kept that unbelievable time in Florida Geater's Football history going. Why doesn't Urban Meyer just own it all at this point, right? Like, there's one stop left that he has to make in the coaching job.

Like, yeah, why doesn't he just own all of these things? Like, Urban, it's just, it's done. Like, you'll be on Fox and you'll get maybe like one more go at this, but like, just own it. People will like you probably more, which is the crazy part. It's like, if you just own how to craft it, the people will be like, I got to like this guy. That's kind of crazy. Chris, they call him HJ.

Is that the most difficult to let her name to say comfortably? HJ? Nobody ever does an H, right? I'll find a more difficult pair, but that is not easy to say. And they can't cut to Chris right now because it's a screen flashing behind him that's not working. So I'm going to get off of Chris right now. Hmm. I doubt that that lawyer is going to be prominently featured. Does it seem like a lawyer thing to do is out these things?

It's just disappointing that they wouldn't have that part in the doc, because I think that the tease of all of this, and I guess it goes back to the Johnny Man's L1 too, is like, you're going to get new info that you've never heard before about this controversy that you lived through, right? That's what they're doing. Yeah, this was cool. You liked this 10 years ago. We're going to talk about it right. But like, for all the people when OJ made an America came out, right? Like, there were all these people initially who were like, I lived, I lived through it. I don't need to see it. And then it was such a well-made

documentary with so many incredible stories told that we learned a lot and everybody who would even lived through it wanted to watch it. For me, I'm looking at these documentaries and I'm saying, well, if you don't provide me any new information, like, yeah, I get the nostalgia play, but it's not as great as it could have been. Well, no, it'd be like, oh, Jay made it in America,

but we're not gonna talk about that thing. Right. Let's just talk about football. Right, you know what, inside the U, they were, there were some controversies in there, one and two, I mean, you've got, the only one I can think of right now is Greg Olson's third leg, but you've got all these controversies and stuff and they're like sort of woven into a football story.

I can't be okay with this just being a football story. Right. And then being like, oh, by the way, because the oh, by the way, there's super prominent players are not some backup offensive lineman who you know killed somebody. 41 players on that team were arrested at one point. They all had

Huntley Johnson's number. They all day. And for everything that you heard of in terms of arrest there's plenty that you probably didn't because but you know that when you refused to tell. Yeah, you won't because. But you know that many refuse to tell. Yeah, you won't tell it. It's not my place and I'll ask the question. I'm not going to potentially slander an attorney.

I imagine they be litigious. So I'm not going to do that, but I do know that the Hunley Johnson provided lots of legal advice to that program. And it's your typical small town thing when it comes to a big football program. Would it shock you if players got pulled over and they got sent home by the police? No, this happened every school had an HJ. Yeah, so like that, but magnified. How do you think?

Because there were some really bad dudes on this team, some really great football players, but some bad dudes. It's not like you talked to the right people there, the Aaron Hernandez thing didn't surprise a lot of folks. So I really want them to get, if Urban Mires attached to it, that means to a large degree, this thing is authorized.

Yes. What I want is the unauthorized version. Exactly. How did this work with AJ or HJ? Was this just like a situation that's pro bono work or like he's just like a fan so he would take care of this Or was he like on retainer by the school like who was paying all hj?

Look I this is all Here say in you endow and rumor, but the the story is that the hj Would be the person that you'd go to and lean on if you need a legal advice like any like any attorney And if you needed some life advice like hj was there for you He was a very influential figure in terms of keeping that thing going. Oh, H.J. stands for hand job. Oh, my.

That's what the pro boner work was. Look, these guys are doing jokes in my ear and like Chris earlier said, if it's untold, once you see it, is it now told? They're all great to tell. But I don't really have an avenue to slide in there with the jokes, and you're giving me the HJ jokes, and I was like, oh, hand job.

That's the pro boner. Sorry to interrupt, Michael. It's the same debate that we've had about documentaries for a while now when there's so many platforms, and such a need for content, that the only way to get somebody involved in the actual documentary is to tell like a glowing version of that history. A Wanness Morris' music box thing on HBO is probably one of these examples.

And I would just really like cooperation but an unauthorized version, which is why, maybe I, I went, I gravitated towards the ESPN version of the, the American Gladiators story. I just, because they made me so far on that and I worked for ESPN. Yeah, you thought the Netflix one was better? You didn't have a two-room opinion. I didn't think either one would agree, but I thought the Netflix one was slightly.

You're entitled to your opinion. Yeah, Stamson saw both and, and Stamson said, I, I can't believe that someone would come away with a take that the Netflix one is slightly. You're entitled to your opinion. Yeah, Stamson saw both and Stamson said, I can't believe that someone would come away with a take that the Netflix one is better. Oh, that definitely is. It's impossible to criticize a documentary without sounding pretentious. Dan does this move a lot.

I didn't like that one enough. I didn't, I don't know, I just just just watch the documentary and just take the information. And I don't need your opinion on the documentary. I think today it's, you used to be able to take a documentary for face value. Maybe we should have been a lot more discerning back then,

but now with so many media entities available to tell your story the way that you wanted told, I think it's on the person that consumes these things to be super judicious, and take everything with a grain of salt because everyone's got a grain of salt because everyone's got a version of themselves they want projected and it's not necessarily always going to be the true.

Speaking of which, Chris Cody doesn't like when certain images of him are projected, including the most recent, I'm walking here. Which is a- I'm good with that one. As long as the damn X thing I did with Mike just disappears. That one's worse, that one's worse. But if I can do the damn thing and ask the video team for a favor here, if we can get Mike Ryan's face when Chris Cody's saying a Lannis Morissette, which Mike Ryan called the Lannis

Moriss earlier, we can call the Lannis Morissette. No, I said Morissette but I was drowned out by it's like rain. My mic was off those background. Give me Mike's face because from what I hear, Mike moved. Mike, just get angry at a few people here. But based on that, that face was never been angry or than anybody else. I got to say this show is a little messy today. Leon messy? Is it because nobody gave me any direction? Is that why?

Is it because I came in here and everybody's just kind of hanging around and then I go to make up and I come out of make up and then the meeting's over. And then I sit here with all these buttons in front of me on this list and Billy's sitting next to me and it's just like, hey, somebody count down and let's start. What kind of direction are we doing over here? Is this year we'll do it live?

Yes, this is my we'll do it live. This is my I would like to discuss things more when we have a show. Yeah, it's like, I would love. I would like to discuss things more when we have a show. Yeah. I would love, I would love to get a dance, a text from Dan with something that's, here's advice on the show. Huh. Great.

Don Lebertard. If I'm at the house with them and they're all rooting, I could just be like, yeah, rah, rah, rah. Go Yankees. Still got, you know, unsettling would be if I attended a live sporting event and someone behind me was just going, Ra Ra! Roar! Browns!

Ra! He's, Ra Ra Ra! This is the Dan Lebatar Show with this Stugats. So there was a really fun thing that happened on Twitter earlier this morning that had me concerned about potential death and also cancel culture. So what ended up happening was Rip Hamilton was trending.

Now, my immediate assumption when I saw Rip Hamilton was trending was to think of course of Richard Hamilton, the former Detroit Piston, which is what was trending was to think of course of Richard Hamilton the former Detroit piston which is what was trending But there was a lot of confusion with rip Hamilton trending because obviously our IP signifies something else and on Twitter in particular when you see RIP anybody you get a little concern that somebody is died And so in turn when I see RIP someone I know they've died That's fair that's just the name. That's when you get the Denzel Washington. This is fair.

Uh, but, but with, with Rip Hamilton trending, um, the reason Rip Hamilton was trending was because of two reasons. One, someone had photoshopped a red t shirt that Rip Hamilton was wearing to say make America great again. Oh, no. And people were quote-tweeting that and asking what happened with Rip Hamilton. Was he wearing a mask? No.

He wasn't. It's a good question. It's ironic. That is ironic. Good question. And also, separately, at the same time, there was a top five mid-range jump shots list. There was going viral on Twitter. And Rip Hamilton was not included, so in the replies and quote-tweets of that, you had Rip Hamilton trending.

But now, Rip Hamilton starts to trend, and there's all these people seeing RIP Hamilton, RIP Hamilton, and they don't know what's going on. So now there's people tweeting wondering if Lewis Hamilton died, and there's people wondering if we're canceling the musical Hamilton for some sort of reason. Which would be worse for me. For you personally, which would be the war IP Hamilton, which would be worse for me? For you personally, which would be the worst of those three scenarios? Between Louis Hamilton.

Two deaths or Hamilton going away, which would be the worst for you? Oh man, Hamilton going away would be a big problem. That is a good idea. Dear me, you know everywhere to satisfy it, or is it just me? I know everywhere to satisfy it. I know. I know it.

I know everywhere to too many. I know the room where it happened. There's too many songs in that musical that I know a lot of words to. Is it worth watching at this point? Like, have you not seen it? No, I haven't. Let's watch it together.

It's definitely worth it. No, no, not together. I'm not going anywhere with anyone. Like, if I'm watching it, it's a really good. Yeah, watch it on Disney Plus. It's great. How long is it?

Two and a half hours? It's great. Put the captions on. That will help you. They speak pretty fast. I watch everything with captions. I can't watch television. I watch all of it. I watch they speak pretty fast. I watch everything with captions I Did not you I did not like captions most of the time and it's why there are certain apps streaming apps

They really bother me because I don't understand how you can have a streaming service and not have great captions Amazon Prime great captions Netflix great captions certain other streaming services Not such like captions. I wish I could change the font or the size like if it was more like made to me. I wish. Customize it yourself. Yeah, there are, I think it's Amazon is the one

that has that option, which I really like. You can go a little bit bigger, you can leave it at the Netflix sized option. But nonetheless, RIP Hamilton was trending on Twitter this morning, and it caused a major ruckus amongst people who just know one who was tweeting about it seemed to know why they were tweeting about it,

and I thought that was great. Isn't that ironic? Don't you think? That was a layup for Christmas. Oh my gosh. I'm looking at a morgue by. That was right, I'm looking at a morgue by. That was the only thing you gave him the next year.

You were looking for Hamilton by you. But you never thought you'd think. You were looking for Hamilton by you. You were looking for Hamilton by you. I'm not gonna strike through it. I'm not gonna strike through it. You're right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here.

That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here.

That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right here. That was right So, captions are the worst. Captions are the absolute worst. Well, because you live in the US, you live in this privileged life where you don't need it to be wider on you.

No, don't be wrong. When I do visit my sister's house and there's kids running a muck, I do turn on the captions over there. But even then, when I can hear the sound, I hate it because I'm getting the captions first. Like, I'm reading what they're saying before they actually say it.

And then I double down an anger because if there's something I'm supposed to be looking at at the top of the screen, I'm not because I'm reading the damn bottom of the screen. Why? I don't know. I speak English. I don't have to read it. That's the worst when you're watching like competition shows or you're watching something like that because you'll see who gets eliminated like on one of the baking shows or whenever before they get eliminated. The worst. Yeah, well, you know what I'll do. Like most people will just turn off the captions at that point. No, what I just ask. I go like this and I block off half the screen with my hand.

So I only see the top of the screen where I can't see the captions. You and I are sympatico, my friend. It is exactly the same. Exactly the same. I'll block off the TV to the Union. And the hope that we provide, the captions are really just the worst part of being spoiled on those shows, but I have to use them for any of the British shows because a lot of the time I can't understand the English

that they're speaking without captions. I'm just waiting for Chris. His one thing on Hamilton back in the day was Angelica Eliza and Peggy and he still hasn't hit that. And I did it all over him. It's a different song, but it's from Hamilton. All right, so you can't even say Hamilton, come on. Moving down the list.

Wow. Where you were never gonna get there, man. So, Jeremy, do you get you wanted out of that topic? Yeah, I feel like I was able to explain it pretty well. It seems like we got five or so minutes out of talking about it, which is pretty good. So, what was it? It was just there for the shot.

Rip Hamilton was trending for two different reasons. I mean, range jumped from my half-fine list. I haven't seen anything from Rip Hamilton. So, we don reasons. Have you heard of Trump's? Trump's not Hamlet's list. I haven't seen anything from Rip Hamilton. So we don't know if he's dead or alive. I guess we technically don't know whether or not Rip Hamilton is dead or alive. It's Chris just seemingly fell off a chair in the back. How is this going? Not great.

If you're Rip Hamilton at this point in your career, you don't want to be trending, right? Like, I know that Chris is like very much like, oh, you know, it's always good. Any news is good news, but like, I feel like trending is not. Most celebrities start trending for the wrong reasons. Yeah, I feel like you don't want to be trending. If you're successful, post career. If you're successful and you made enough money or whatever, you're living like a good retired

life, no, thank you. I'd like to never trend, never talk about me ever again. There was a, like, a period a few years ago where Corbin Blue, the old high school musical actor, was trending because people were like, he's dead. And I was like, now you're talking about Lincoln. Corbin Blue, and then he was like, I'm not dead.

I don't know why you guys are all the same. And it was like a big thing. That used to happen to Drake all the time. People would start rumors that Drake was dead, like every three months on Twitter. Didn't that just happen to a former NFL running back like this week? Wasn't

it a, what was the guy from New England? Yeah, they, uh, so there was a handicap or that went to Twitter with a leak from law enforcement and he, he, he, he, he's together that Sony Michelle had passed away in an accident. And I guess he got the long, uh, the wrong local running back because it was Alex Collins who passed away in an accident, and I guess he got the wrong local running back because it was Alex Collins who passed away. If you're Sony Michelle and somebody announces that you have died, don't you wanna hit it a little harder than just fake news?

That's it, he just hit fake news and just tweeted that out. I appreciate him giving the update. That's true. I would like a little bit more if he can't help. I was scared. I was scared. I'm not gonna lie, when I saw fake news, I was like, well, is it?

Because I don't believe when people say fake news that it is fake news. Well, now nobody's verified on Twitter who needs to be verified, so I don't even know what account is what. It makes it very complicated when things like this happen. Speaking of social media, then,

we have plain lady who all of a sudden is back and making a thing. And people I don't know who plain lady is, plain lady is, they're not real. That dude's not real. Lady, right Lucy? Yeah, the lady who just yelled on the plane, they're not real, was a minister's society for a little bit.

And she has managed to just take that and turn it into a career. She's a podcast now. She like, releasing apology like a few days ago where her makeup was done. It was very professional. She talked about second chances. And now she's tweeted out like a very nice photo of herself

with stay tuned. She is starting an influencer career. She's gonna be a public speaker. She's gonna make so much money off of this. Hashtag wait to see. She's got a standard. You're standard sitting in the kitchen photo. Right, just sitting on the floor in the kitchen with jeans.

Like I was on a, you you know jeans and shirtless on a train tracks and that makes more sense. Oh there's a camera here but she says in the tweet one moment doesn't define you but it can define your purpose. And what is her purpose then to identify AI on air? Stay tuned. Also you can tell she's new to the internet because she had her feet in the photo just right there there. First photo. First photo. You're so cool, Jeremy. Not prepared.

How do we feel about her kitchen? I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it. What a weird place to sit. I don't like it. I love the back splash.

I've got, I'm a back splash guy. Like a back splash in my kitchen is very much the definition of my entire kitchen. Not as senior as it's not as look at me as well. Look at that later. Oh, you want it to be looking? I do. I do. What is your back? What is your back? Tell me what the back flash look like. It's got like wavy, thin, and curved TV that you used to have.

Why is everybody always bring up my curved TV? Like I got scammed or something. It's a perfectly good TV. I love it. I can teach it. Now I can teach it from his dining. Slightly curved. I can see what's going on. Kind of sort of. So you do so. I do still have it. It's my primary TV. Whatever's your beef with the curfew.

No, I'm just asking because I've, look, there's a curfew right here, which I didn't know that there were still curfews. They've only two, I've ever seen is right here, and in your hand. Every time you bring it up, which has been multiple times for some reason. Because it's somebody on Twitter just says,

oh, he's got caught with that, whatever, the fact. curved TV and the phony curved TV. I was like, what do you mean? There's nothing wrong with this TV. It's been perfect for us, whatever, six, seven years of my life. Do you ever stand in the kitchen and like look at like one eighth of your TV and be like, this is why? Well, when I got the stand where you can just take it out and pivot the entire TV

kind of felt like it didn't really need the curvature anymore, but you know, Billy's talking about my TV every time So I'm just curious. He remembers the curvature. Yeah, it's you know, built to the left, huh? Any well I'm about to wallpaper my apartment. I'm getting excited. I'm picking out my colors this week. While paper's very dangerous And so I'm bored. It's very dangerous. Didnpapers are very dangerous in South Florida. You look sick. It's very dangerous. Didn't you do it to like a window? Yeah.

How did that go? Oh, it looks awesome. It looks so good. And I tried to see. That was the block people from being able to see in, right? Yeah. Yeah. And but when the sun hits it, it makes my apartment like a rainbow.

Oh. It's really cool. What does the wallpaper look like? I haven't picked it out yet. I'm looking at this pink and orange, like groovy sort of like 70s line. And then I think I might do, that'll be the accent one. I think I'll do like matching colors on the other.

But none of us are ever gonna see it because we're not invited to go watch football with you on Saturdays. You're welcome not on a college football Saturday. Like I said, college football Friday, Illinois and Indiana, my apartment will have a great time. Hmm. I'm not a fan of college football for the days. Why not?

We neither. It's too much. It's the same thing with Thursday night football with the NFL. It's like, give me a break. I need, I need football one to two days a week. No, it's nice on a Friday night. You go out to dinner. It's on at the, you're not even watching it, but it's just there. It's nice to see it there. Convert to us A. It's like a bunch of Wednesday games this year. Oh, yeah. Wednesday night, Maxion. So if it's just there and you're not watching it, why couldn't it just be a replay of another game

from last year? Because these other, I mean, I've been in bars all the time where they're just playing old games and this and this and that. It's like do people really like this? Are they watching this replay of this 1992 Georgia, Kentucky game? A classic.

What happened to it? Just a lot of tackling and big plays, big cup of turnovers. Big plays. Yeah. Couple of turnovers. Some BG's, BPs. Big plays, BGPs, yeah. Hm.

HJ. Yeah. And job. No. Curved penis. No. We're talking about televisions. This is...

No. So Chris wanted me to explain the curved penis joke after I told the curved penis joke because there's only two things that Chris Cody can think about. It's sex and food. Sometimes at the same time. Seed. Angelica. Eliza.

And Peggy. If you would have waited seven seconds to do that would have been so much better. Don Lebertard. Jess, you can't talk about double-digit national titles when every single call of you winning the national title. Sounds like this. Oh, there's a stepping jacker running down his eyeline. That's not true.

Yeah. And there's a World War II veteran pitching into another white guy and he avoids another white guy Oh my god not a name the fighting hyenas have done it again for the egg time I'm gonna play in white people Spooka choppy checker Sorry He's black I was really Sorry man I'm improvening.

It's a pretty cool riff. That's a trick running down the side. He smells it differently. All right, his name is Shelby. Maybe you didn't hear me correctly. His name is Shelby Checkers. It's an S at the end. I feel like that should be the largest of five. And Shelby Checker, it sounds like a college football name.

This is the Dan Lebatar show with the Stugats. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ I don't want to criticize Dan while I'm here. I don't want to talk about double standards that he has, at least not a lot, but I'm going to do that here. Because one of the things that Dan gets a little angry about sometimes is I don't know if it's real or if it's fake but when you guys do too much bathroom

talk too much potty talk he says we got to be younger and smarter than potty talk right why is it that in my memory one of Dan's most memorable takes was potty talk he told the entire planet that there are people who stand while they wipe, and some people who sit while they wipe. And that went on forever. You guys had interviewers, you guys have subjects come in for interviews, and he would ask them that same question do you stand or do you sit.

So this double standard to me is wild. It's wild and unfair, even though I sometimes get crazy uncomfortable when a mean and Chris are talking a little bit too specific right do you want to talk about that you feel like I didn't want to talk about that but I didn't want to talk about the bathroom topic that is just the bane of my existence then also like famously told the story when he won some award yet a box full of trophies and he pooped in his yard that's right that's another one to you know right was it was his to get in and the neighbors were looking?

Yeah, it was it. I don't know what the awards had to be. We do it that story. It was. Yeah, like five plaques in his arms. You know, so that's what it was. He's a writer. Poop in a parking garage ones too.

Yep, they're two. Oh, I don't know. So there's two. He's all right. He planted on white wine. What does that mean? I don't know. You went right through.

Yeah, right through you. What? White wine, I never heard that before. Is that a thing? White wine? White wine too? White wine? White wine too. Definitely is a there. Yeah. Light wine, remember that before. Is that a thing? White wine? White wine too? White wine? Definitely is a thing, in a bottle.

Red wine too. Reds better. Yeah, it is. Anyways, you wanna talk about poop? No, I actually wanted to talk about the other side. Lucy was telling a story earlier about, I don't even remember if the story. A poop story?

Something about urine going back up. I don't really understand. She had stories happening there. Maybe more innovative to this. Yeah. There you go. But the one, so the one thing in my life that I've experienced that the power of the mind over body, right? The power of the mind is so strong that even if you have to go to the bathroom so damn badly, it will not let you. I am one of those people who has a shy bladder.

I have no idea where this came from. I have no idea this concept. It's not like I walked into the bathroom one day and I'm being like, whoa, everybody's looking at me. What do I do? Like it was just randomly, being next to somebody, nothing's happening. And I'm like, I really gotta go.

Why is nothing happening? And I'm like, I'm just in my own head the entire time. And then I leave. And I'm like, I didn't go to the bathroom. Next time with other people there. Next time call me and I'll go on the phone and go, none of those things work. When I tell you, I have tried nearly, I have been at a club late at night. And like, I'll stay in line for the bathroom. I'll get in that restroom. And I'll be like, I don't know this is gonna work. And I'll just get in the urinal, and if there's people too close to me,

I'm just gonna have to stand there for long enough until I pretend like it's over, and then I'm out, I am in severe pain. Everything about me is saying, get this poison out of you, and my body's like, nope, there's people around. Why? You ever go the urinal in like the corner,

so you can go a little shoulder. It's strictly, usually. Yeah. And I'm usually the person who go away from everybody. The thing, well, I don't care if people look. Well, that's the thing is, I don't care if people look. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. And it's not like, you know, whatever. I don't care if people look and this is the whole other side, I think of mine like, nobody should care what what soft weeners look like. I'm just going to say put it on the pole, does anybody care what a soft weener looks like? Use list, doesn't matter.

And, you know, whatever. So you never peed? You can't cross state thing, are you kidding? No, I'm telling you, there was one time at a club in Florida, back in Florida, it used to be a thing. I went to the bathroom. It still exists.

When I had the club scene sucks. I went outside and I ended up finding a tree somewhere. And then, and then, in this particular instance, I had not been stamped to come in. I paid more money to come back in just so I could leave and use the restroom. And to me, it is the, I still, I'm going to go, I'm going to die, not understanding why the hell I can't urinate around other people. Ever? I don't know about ever, because I'm canned if my partner's around or whatever, but have you tried singing songs?

I have not tried singing songs. I'm not trying singing songs. I'm not trying singing songs. I do think that part of it, when it's silent, get the hell out of here, there's no chance, because then you've got that there's somebody close and they can hear if I'm going or not,

and it's just a matter, I have no idea what it is. But if you can hear me, even if you're far away, if there's like a sound situation, nope. Do you ever like run sink water or something to try to block out, create, we're going back to white noise from earlier, create some white noise around you

to sort of trick your brain and thinking, you're totally alone, there's nobody nearby, you can trick yourself. So you got me in a public restroom, usually with an attendant, they're just flicking on all the waters, and yeah, I just give you a second to part of my process. That's exactly what I'm asking them to do. You could also, maybe you turn on white noise for yourself,

get some air pods, turn on some white noise, and cancel out just so that your brain maybe tricks yourself into thinking, yes, I'm alone right now, there's nobody around me. I think, and this is the compliment, perhaps, to my brain, that it's just more powerful than that. Those are one time, I can't right now. There's nobody around me. I think, and this is the compliment, perhaps, to my brain, that it's just more powerful than that. Those one time, I can't trust myself. That was one time at 11, where I went to the restroom,

didn't use it, came back out to the front of the line, and told the guy, give me a second, I gotta go again. And then just went to another, and then this second time, woohoo, that's all opened up, and I went in this stall. And I've said this to myself since I was a child. That was like, oh, it's self-mined over matter thing. Like, there's no way the brain can't be. Man, I'm telling you, it owns my urinary.

But this works if you go into a stall no matter what, like even if there are folks around, or is it more of a, if there are folks around, generally, even if they can't see what's going on right now? I can't see. If there are folks around and I'm in a stall, they can't see my face. So it's like, I'll just stay there long enough

until I'm ready. And then I just go. And I used to have a buddy. Who? We used to have, whatever. We'll call him Chris. It's not you, Chris. And now I'm sort of thinking of what's his name.

It's actually Steve. I don't know why we couldn't just call him Steve. Yeah, Steve. Steve for some reason. know why we couldn't just kind of Steve. Yeah, Steve for some reason. Yeah, just not my favorite name. So, we used to literally report to each other. We would report to each other if one went to the bathroom and you're like, how's it looking? And I'm like, this is just the one man operation.

So this is just the one man operation? One in our shit chat? I do not. I do not. We could start a p chat? No, I don't, I mean, because like p comfortably, it's a fight. I'm like, it's not, it's just when I'm in public and I don't understand it. The thing about the pooping and wiping thing that Dan has forever ruined in my life is,

I had this discussion with my partner, I'm like, oh, he told the story and it was like a standing and sitting and he was like, is that how you said it? He's a sitting wife. And the thing that I cannot do, I cannot wipe with him in the bathroom. I can't do it. It's not that weird. I know. I never wiped with anyone else in the room before.

You usually don't poop with people in the bathroom. Completely open about doing all that. Really? I tend to look, I'm like, can you just not, I'm talking to you right now and then I turn away. And he stands and now I need the visual. He gives me the, no, he's a sitter. He comes into the bathroom because we've got those sliding doors and the bathroom

Says no real locked to it right a barn door. So it just walks into the bathroom Rom and then so I'm done and I'm just like I'm just waiting for you to leave I can't finish this process until you leave the room and he just gives me a hard time about it And I'm just like I'm glad I know that it's not an abnormal thing Everything you're thinking you're just gonna say today, huh? It's my life is what I do. I always say everything. You take issue with that bill, I do, yeah?

Yeah, I'm just saying. I don't know how we've ended up here where we're talking about going to the bathroom. So I have a question for you guys. I went to the bathroom the other day with an attendant and I thought that I hit like the jackpot where there was the attendant leaving. And I was there and it was like a shift change

and I was like, this is great. Cause I didn't, I only had a $10 bill on me and I was like, this seems like a lot. Can you break a tent? I can never ask someone to break a bill for me. It's like a default that I have, or a defective. Really? Yeah, no, I can't.

So I went and I went to the bathroom and I think that it was like the end of the night and they're like, hold on, there's one more and then I had to give the guy a $10 bill because I can't ask him for change and I was in an out On the way home if I if I if I know I'm gonna be there for a while I'll just be like this is for the rest of the night

Yeah, but this was before this is the only time I went and it was like got to go to the party real quick before we drive home I like to take a bunch like if I leave this is for the night I'll take a bunch of lollipops and just like the night I'll take a bunch of lollipops and just, I like to take a bunch of shit for my go- No, I never do. The public do's get out of here. I will tell you the story of when I thought I broke free, I was like, I've done it.

I've peed with everybody looking. Golf course? No, boating, okay. And so- Just jump in the water. Not quite the props. No, so- It's a bokeh bash, which is this big, you know, event,

which is really just a bunch of people bringing their boats to the Sanbar blah blah blah. And so we went to bokeh bash, which is this big, you know, event, which is really just a bunch of people bring their boats to the sand bar blah blah blah. And so we went to bokeh bash a couple of years ago, and we are heading back, and I forgot last stop, which by the way, you're just standing in 40% year in out there, just so everybody knows. Not sure that adds up, but. So I forgot to go before we left, and we're going back,

and you know, you can't really go to fast, manatees, and all that. And so we're going slow slow and I'm just like, I'm dying, like I have to go. And Mike, what's the move? I go into the water. Jump into the water. No, we're moving.

No, no, no, no. So you hold on to the side of the boat and be in the water. So people in the water. So like when the boat is kind of moving, it depends on how fast it goes, but I do know people, like in my family, I'm envious of my in-laws, because they just pee by the rocks.

Right off the back of the boat, right? I could never. Just stand off the back of the boat. I pull all of this looking on my pee pee. I am looking and I'm just like, this is gonna be 45 minutes before we get home. I'm not jumping into the water. And so I'm like, you know what?

This is the ultimate test. Like I feel like my insides are about to explode. I'm gonna stand up and there's traffic. There's other boats coming back. It's a little wobbly. And so I'm like, screw it, I'm doing it, I start peeing off the back of the boat. And I'm like, I'm peeing, I'm doing it. And then I look up, and it's a damn cop,

and they're looking right back at me, and he's just like, come on. And so the one time, the one time, I'm finally in public and able to relieve myself, properly what happens? Worst nightmare police staring right at me. That's probably looked at it a little bit, but then staring right at me.

They're always looking. A big bit, not a little bit. They're always like, everyone's always trying to look at it. That's my fear more than people looking, is that like, is this a crime that I'm gonna go to jail? It could have also been a listener at 15 street fisheries, like, hey, look, it's easy.

Yeah, what if they then take a picture? Well, here's the thing, is that so it wasn't so much me peeing that made him pull us over. Is that Anthony was politely trying to turn us into a private finger or a private canal or whatever. And it's set in a tiny sign in the corner, private property, do not trespass. And so they were coming to pull us over for that.

And I'm like 90% sure, as Dude got closer, that he looked up and recognized me. And I'm telling you that that's the case. I don't think anyone wants to see anyone P ever. I agree with that. Like, take my whole soft weener take, it's just stupid. Nobody wants to see anything. I like your soft weener take.

Thank you. Some people are growers, not showers. Exactly, I mean, you don't really know what you can do with it. You have that joy. No idea. The growers are the ones in the corner. Mm yeah, so eventually the cop... If you show, basically blood will swell in that area, but it'll remain generally the same size. If you're a shower, there's not much growing. The one that gets me like, how can you be a shower and not a

griller? It's just like, anyway. And so he looks up and he just kind of like, you asked Anthony, what are you doing here? And he's just like, I'm sorry. And he literally said this. He goes, he never does this. He can't even pee in public. And I'm just like, why? Why would you share this information? But now here I am sharing it with everybody.

But yeah, we were let go, no offense, no ticket, no nothing. I don't know if you know what my weiner looks like, but he doesn't really know. Am I right, Mike? I'm a grower. Huh. Interesting.

But I'm not like embarrassed by it. Like I'm also built for some show, but you know, it is what it is. I mean, listen, the only shows that matter does not include a soft wiener. We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the future.

We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the future.

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We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the future.

We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the future.

We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the

future. We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the the future. We're going to be back in the future. We're going to be back in the