The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Hour 1: The Best Thing In Purple Since Prince (feat. Kathleen Turner & Fibula, the Vampire)

Episode Date: March 24, 2026

"That's where he told Chi Chi to grab the yayo." It's hard to believe, but Joe Biden called Greg Cote last week and left him a voicemail. Even harder to believe? Biden ALSO had post-cruise voice. Plus, iguanas at the Miami Open, Zaslow's greatest theatrical performance, an update of the Looks Like tournament, and the Top 5 Teams and Athletes 'Roy' Likes To Watch. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is the Dan Levitar show with the Stucats podcast. Why does Greg Cody have a sly smirk on his face? It's just my natural disposition. You seem happy. Something was making you happy. You were thinking about something there, and you seemed amused. I saw something on the show notes that made me smile, which was that my old buddy, Joe Biden, gave me a call the other day, and I played it on my podcast, and it just made me smile because it was here and from him again.

So listen to what just happened there because it is what really happened. I just caught a private thought that Greg Cody was having and it was about his podcast. Right. And it was about thinking that we had not yet promoted his podcast, that we hadn't done his catchphrases. He was just smiling thinking about himself. And I caught him. I thought he was smiling about something that had just happened. There are any number of things locally that I want to get to, including the Miami Open.

I don't know whether anybody around here wants to talk tennis, but we had an iguana. Did we have an infestation or we just had a single iguana that was interrupting play because this is a beautiful piece of swamp land. It's very expensive in the Keys and a major tournament really gets played down here every year. And he's brave enough to pick that. Oh, Zonbar going to grab him? That is brilliant. He's about the take off now. I'm going to try to catch.

Oh, wow. Oh, they caught it by the tail? You've got to treat it right. Didn't catch it yet. This is incredible. Now it's running on the course. Court dinosaur. I legitimately did.

Oh, my God. Those things are frightening. They are harassing that poor thing. They got it. They released it. What's they supposed to do there? You got to catch it. You don't get that kind of entertainment in Indian Wells, do you?

Oh, that's why the Miami Open is the fifth major. And, Dan, we got a major upset at the fifth major over the weekend. Carlos Alcaraz lost only a second match of 2026. He had lost last week in Indian Wells to a surging Medvedev, but now we have a new American hope. Sebi Cora, finally, through all these injuries, Carta has never been in the discussion as top American male. You've heard the likes of Tiafa,

who had a big win over the defending champion yesterday. You've heard Tommy Paul, Taylor Fritz, Ben Shelton. But Seby Corta right now is a player. that's in the best form beating his first ever number one overall. Sebi Corta, the son of Peter Corta, his two other siblings are professional athletes. Dan, we might have something to get excited about American men's tennis. I don't believe it. I don't believe it.

American women's tennis is fine. American men's tennis, it's not ever hopeful. But there's time for hope. And he beat a number one and he's playing really well. As you know, the Del Rey Open is the father of form. and he won that. I made a mistake putting that tournament in Key Biscayne. How many years has it not been in Key Biscayne?

That's straight. That was straight. That iguana normally wouldn't be in that area. That's Miami Gardens. That's Miami Gardens. And while we have iguanas there, I don't think the hard rock is the place that I would assume to see an iguana scatter across a court.

That's where the F1 races are. That's a concrete jungle over there. You saying it was planted? Yeah, they had it flown in from Key Biscayne. How many years has it been? since the Miami Open was in Keyes game. It moved in 2019. Yeah, I said five. I was too off.

Lean back. Be proud. I'm leaning back. Jack. What do you want me to do? Greg, how do you feel today about you've got your coffee? You have not had your breakfast. You haven't worked in a week. Last time you left coughing, wheezing, and missed your next day because you blew a gasket here.

The one day, you came off a cruise for 10 days. You drank way too much. Your breakfast was tomato. juice and vodka and vodka every morning for 10 days and then you go wheezing into the doctor's office after one day of work because you blew a gasket and then you miss the rest of the week yeah correct well miss the rest of the week from this show i did other work but i had an acute respiratory infection yeah but your joe biden was healthy right healthy enough to perform oddly enough joe biden seemed to have a cold as well oh yeah so so you were very sick and you couldn't come in here but your joe biden

miraculously without drugs. This is going to sound like sick Joe Biden on your podcast that makes you smile to start this segment. Hey, GC, it's Joe. Hey, I wanted a long time, no talk. Sorry about my voice.

I'm getting over a little bit of a cold. I don't get the medical care I used to since I'm out of office. Anyway, I want to let you know. I don't know how closely you follow women's Division III. hoops, but the University of Scranton

reached the national semifinals this year. They went 31 and 0 in the regular season, coach Ben O'Brien and the gals. I think they're they play in purple. The lady royals, the best thing

had purple since Prince. Their leading score Casey Cranston sounds like Scranton. She ought to be called Casey Scranton. I remember sitting around the kitchen table in Scranton and my dad at St. Joey, right now at this time in history, the women don't get a fair shake. But someday up the road, you're going to see the University of Scranton women's basketball team reached a national semifinals.

I didn't have much interest at the time, but I tell you, man, I'm wearing a purple ascot right now. I'm just giving you this message. Anyway, congratulations to the Scranton Lady Royals. I've got to go, man. My voice is shot. I cannot articulate to anyone listening to this how profound, how profoundly bad the judgment has to be to allow his Biden to go any syllable beyond Scranton. The judgment, the judgment exhibited by the producers of this show,

who thought that he could carry that comedically with a very poor Joe Biden when all he's got of this impersonation is the Scranton is a failure from the people who support Greg Cody. So that wasn't Joe Biden on the phone? Of course it was. Kathleen Turner. Zaslow is still in trespassing. Let's put him in picture and picture as he recreates Zaslo.

What are you going to do for us as we put you in picture and picture? Oh, you're back out on the other side of the thing. the chain now. What happened? Nothing happened. I didn't want to stand on the steps for, you know, any longer. So I'm going to show off my acting chops and we're going to reenact the end of the chainsaw scene, man, because those are the steps right there. All right. So it was hugely overacted. And we can, uh, so you're, it's the first hotel room, right? Is there a plaque up there too to signify that that's the hotel room or did you not get up that high? No, no, no. I mean, I can go up that high, but like it's, it's clearly blocked off. There's another gate. It's not letting you walk past.

but that's where he told Chi Chi to grab the Yale, right there. Okay, go ahead. All right, go ahead and take us through. But you remember how that man overacted into the street and staggered into the street. All right, and then get back here because we've got sports to talk. Go ahead and do it in picture and picture. This is silence. This is a silent scene.

You don't need any sounds or anything. So we'll continue doing our little sports show here as Zaslo recreates this scene with tremendous acting. Yes, Roy, did you want to say something? Yeah, I just wanted to know, like, Greg, you had a, hold before. So do you think your Biden would be better now? Like if we laid out and just gave you another, I don't know, minute, minute and a half to try to do a Biden again, would that be any better this time around? No, I don't do Biden. I mean, I, you know, he called me. Well, if you were to do an impression of the call that he made to you, how do you think that would go? Well, first of all,

can I give a quick update? Because Joe told me, what is Zaz doing? You doing a push up in the That was amazing, and Greg was too busy wanting to talk about his podcast to notice what anyone else in the room was doing. His self-absorption is at an all-time high, and it started the segment with him reading his notes, pondering his podcast, because he was amused by that terrible Biden, terrible, flu-ridden Biden who couldn't come in the work. He had a bad cold. What should have her name have been? What was their first name? Oh, God. Eric?

Erica? I'm sorry. See him up to Erica Scranton. Yeah, because it was like something that sounded like Scranton. Quick update. The Scranton Division III women's basketball team that Joe mentioned reaching the national semifinals, they reached the championship game but then lost. But then lost.

So that's a quick update. Schofeeder! Who did they lose to? He wasn't lying. He was talking about a legit. thing with the Scranton Division III Women's Basketball. It's a big event. It's a big deal.

It's a big deal. It's a big deal. It's Scranton. Zaz, what do you have for us before you get out of there? Thank you. That was exceptional. An amazing performance. I hope we could put them side by side on social so people could see you were really in character

there, Zaz. That was a tremendous recreation of a 40-year-old movie. Dan, Dan, two things about me. Everybody knows. I'll never be a cuck, and I'm a great actor. I was surprised by that. You caught me off guard. Come on home.

You caught me off guard from the wrestling match. You were a very good wrestler, even though that you were, as a character, you realize if you want the lane of being a wrestler, cuck is your lane. I know you'll never be a cuck, but cuck is your lane. That's a terrible gimmick. That will not be what I'm doing, but I appreciate the advice. All right. Come on home.

We miss you. Okay. I miss you too. You're hanging up on him like a significant other. I want, I want Greg, shout into the microphone. Shout in the microphone as if he's shouting at Zaz. Greg, your performance today. Thank you.

Cuckadoodle do, Zaz, seeing a few. Go on. What were you saying? You wanted to get off your cucka doodle do. You had it lined up there for. I did. It was all. It was in the queue.

It was waiting. Timing has just been a little off today. Just across the show. It's not a compliment. Oh. It's because we're interacting with the outdoors. We've got Zaz being incorporated. You can't tell me we've had anything better on today's show than Zaz is staggering down those stairs.

He was on Ocean Drive. He went on to the street. I won't tell you that. And Greg Cody and Greg Cody wasn't even paying attention to it. Didn't even know what we were doing. Right. Like had no understanding because he simply wanted to talk about his podcast. I just looked and I saw him doing push-ups in a street.

and then getting run over by a Waymo. Not what he was doing. Okay, I'm sorry, Greg. We're going to have to cut your microphone off. No, man. Just let him keep rolling. I'm with it. Hey, Roy, buddy.

You know that energy shift when the game gets good and everybody, altogether, in unison, knows to stand up on their feet? Oh, absolutely, Mike. Yeah, you've been at many big-time sporting events. You know that moment quite well. That's what it's like when you take your first sip of Cuervo. delicious. It's the signal that says

we're not checking the time anymore, pal. It's when small talk turns into stories. Quervo, man, it's at high five a random stranger effect. That's right. The game is popping. You're hugging people you never met before. That's the kind of energy that Cuervo brings. It's so smooth, so delicious. That's the

Quervo effect. Keep it, Quervo. Folks, listen up, quick break in the action. Are you counting down the days until payday? Instacash for Money Lion can help you access up to $500 of your hard-earned pay early. There's no interest, no credit check, and no monthly fees. So you can manage those in-between expenses with less stress. Download the Money Lion app and link your qualifying bank account to see what you qualify for.

Money Lion. Make money easy. Instacast is subject to terms and eligibility requirements. Expedited delivery requires a turbo fee. See MoneyLion.com. 10-day Tony. What's up, Mike? It's NBA playoff time. Finally.

Yeah, yeah. The NBA playoffs are here. Every possession feels like someone's season is on the line. Because it is? It's all about drama. And now, there's baseball on every night? We're back into baseball? We are?

Every random Tuesday feels like October when you're into the sport as much as we are. Which is why I texted you the other night, 10-day, Tony. Hey, I got a couple of Miller lights. I got all the games on. Why don't you come over, pal? Guess what I did. You came over? I hauled over there.

You hold over there, but not before you stopped by a convenient place to pick up some Miller Lite. They sell it pretty much anywhere. They have beer. You had the white cans. I brought over the brown bottles. Oh, I actually two for one there. We had ourselves a time.

How many times did we jump up off the couch and cheers? Every time. We looked at each other, took a sip, said, yeah, bud, this is exactly where we need to be. We made the right call. That's why we reach for Miller Light every time. Cheers, the legendary moments with Miller Lite. Great taste, 96 calories.

Go to MillerLight.com slash Dan to find delivery options near you. or he can pick up some Miller light pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller Time. Celebrate responsibly, Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 galleries, and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. Don Lebertard. Baker Mayfield tearing up Tampa Bay, 38 for 45. Stugats.

Shredom! This is the Dan Levitar show with the Stugats. Let's update our tournament. You're with me because nobody else is with me, and this is the constant tension we have on Cody Tuesdays. This has been a throwback performance from him. He's a victim of bad editing. The Kathleen Turner call should have been like half that length.

Wait, so was it or was it not Greg? That was Kathleen Turner. It was Joe. That's what I thought. Mike. Guys, Joe had a cold. Mike, half that, half that length. That impersonation needs to be two syllables.

It talking any more than that is a disaster in any form that it's been used. The Scranton team made the semifinal. What impersonation? Yes. Let's update our tournament. I don't understand Sigfried, do you know? Let's update.

Nope. That's a bridge too far. That's a bridge too far right there. Sigfried and Roy making an appearance after we've annoyed the audience for this long this way. Well, if you think that's a bridge too far, some folks across the aisle might have something to say about that. So what happened to you at the Sloan conference when you're doing your Obama? What happened? What happened?

Is that Kathleen Turner? Hey, can I play two? No, now that's a good look. You? Come on, man, we got to come together. Fool kinky, full camp. What happened? You broke out your Obama at Sloan and the audience did not get it.

They didn't know what I was doing. They were just like, just silent staring. And so Pablo said, oh, he does his awful. Obama's like, no, hold on. It wasn't awful. They just didn't know what was. happening because this is a serious crowd here to watch a serious panel about us uncovering truth, which we did. But when I brought it back around the second time, I brought the house

down. Like Howard Dean in Iowa. Yeah. I mean, as performance art, you going before Sloan, when Pablo, poor Pablo is trying to do a live show with a degree of difficulty that was really uncommon, right? Putting the pressure up, let's break this investigation at Sloan. Like he was nervous and should have been. That's all very hard to do for you to be comfortable enough to go impersonation on stage. I was proud of you. I was proud of you for trying to lighten the everything of it, but that he was working to that crowd and they didn't recognize your Obama. Yeah, Dan, he wasn't actually nervous. Truly told me and David Sampson were way more nervous because again, when we typically do these episodes, there's a lawyer either in the room or on the call who makes a stop

and resate things. And so we're kind of stressing backstage to have a policy. Pablo, Pablo, there's no safety net. How do we know what to say, what not to say? And Pablo's like, it'll be fine. It'll be fine. And so I did that in part because I wanted to avoid saying something salacious that might get us all sued. Yeah, that's good. That's the danger of live and the danger of all the work that he's doing around this stupidity that we do here to fund it.

Let's get to our tournament at Lebitard show. I've got the round of 32 results. So this has been very good this year. I've been really proud and happy to have this thing, reach its previous standards because at the best of this game, and visually, if you have not seen this visually, you should check it out on YouTube, because visually, if you don't know the people involved,

they're all sold by the visuals of this, even though some of you don't need visuals for most of these. So in the Midwest, St. Louis is gone. Number nine seed, that means this is gone. Brett Venables looks like the small town sheriff at a movie that ends up being corrupt after you spent the whole movie telling your wife, he's corrupt. You got a root here for Michigan. You got a root for this to advance because it

deserves to advance because it's as good as it gets. Michael Smith looks like the high school teacher that motivates his students by sitting in a chair backwards. This one crushed me, seeing TCU lose, seeing this lose. Draymond Green looks like he has to sneeze. Always. Yes, I mean, that's a good impersonation. Yeah, I mean, I don't know that we've ever had a better one than that. That he always, he's in, he's a defensive player of the year many times and he always looks like he's in mid-snees. Put it on the Polat Lebitard show. Does Draymond Green always look like he's in mid-snees? Quite frankly.

Duke, Duke advanced. That means TCU has gone, but this advances. Fernando Mendoza looks like the cashier in a 1960s McDonald's poster. That's great. It just, it's really great. Top-notch. Perfect. And I would say I'm not sure that's what you want, number one at quarterback.

Just that aesthetic. Just if I say to you, do you want your future franchise quarterback, no matter how good he is, to look like somebody who starred in the McDonald's ad in the 50s, you'd say no, correct? Now, let's not make it about him. Let's just say optics, all optics. You drafting that, number one? Does Ty Simpson look like that? He's 190 pounds. I don't know how that's going second in the draft.

I really don't. How is that possible the second quarterback in the draft? I mean, Drake May kind of looks like that. 190? Oh, he looks like Mendoza. No, he looks like Mendoza. He looks like someone that would be behind the cashier and a McDonald's. Noah Chitfil-A.

Drake May looks very young. Ty Simpson is going to be the number two quarterback taken in a terrible quarterback draft when quarterback is the thing that you need the most, as Miami's got scouts all over the place for four first-round picks. That's not Alabama good, but that's sort of top of the food chain. Like wherever it is that you go get your draft picks, if Miami has four of them, Indiana is the better team, better team for all time, Indiana just produced the greatest regular season there has been in that sport longer than any other.

And slayed, every dragon that needed to be slayed, including slain four first round picks for Miami, which Indiana will not have. Like, Miami lost with the more talented team by the metrics of how we do this. Their quarterback was better than Miami's quarterback, who is the third, fourth, fifth round pick? What is Carson Beck going to be? I think he'll be a day two guy, between second and third round now. I think he's done so much this draft buildup to improve his stock. And in the interviews, people are really going to appreciate how smart he is about the game. How many quarterbacks will be taken before him at a position where everybody wants to hit for value at the quarterback?

Because Carson Beck is coming into the pros with an unusual resume, right? Wherever it is that we've sped up everything at that position in a way that's a bit insane, right? Like I'm giving this kind of pressure when it's that hard to play that position to a 21-year-old fresh out of college and saying, hey, value at quarterback. You got a year. You got 18 months. You can go from Carson Wentz. You're the highest paid quarterback in the league to never mind. It's all going to happen very fast to you.

How did we get to the point where the quarterbacks are so bad in this draft that Carson Beck climbs higher than I would have thought of him as a professional ever? because he's just been playing professional football in giant games on television for four years. How do I bring a quarterback into the league who's got that resume? Four straight years of I'm playing in all the biggest games and I'm winning most of them. Right. I mean, he's got the experience. He's got the winning record at the highest level. He just reached the championship game.

I mean, I would take a shot on him. I think he's what, the fifth or sixth quarterback? I think he's higher than that. ESPN has him as fourth. So they've got Mendoza. they've got Simpson, then they have Nussmeyer, and then it's Carson Beck as their fourth quarterback. He's moving up. So, I don't know what the experts are saying on this, and I'd be curious, Greg Cody, because you're the king of the exactos.

I can't believe you agreed with that. No, I am the king of the exactos. Ask Mel. You've beaten Mel Kuyper several years in a row, and I think you lost last year, though, right? It could be. I'll have to check the records. Well, you'd know if you'd won, because you remind me every year whenever it is. is that you take out Mel Kuyper.

Ty Simpson being thought of this way, after what I saw from Alabama, and they had a ton of drops, okay? They did because they were learning how to play football. But 190 pounds, I don't buy on that. And we're, we've gotten very fast at chewing these people up. You don't have time to get to 250 or 213 or 215 or 225 in the weight room because you've to grow up physically to play in this league. I'd be more concerned about the snap counts.

It's usually a bigger indicator of a bus factor. Trey Lance, Anthony Richardson. These are quarterbacks that have had comparable snap counts. Ty Simpson just hasn't played that much ball. And when you haven't had that much experience, it seems like, especially in the NIL age, guys with a lot of experience and snap counts, less likely to bust out at that pick. So that's where the risk is. but Ty Simpson has a lot of positive momentum behind him.

A lot of that is pumped up by Dan Orlovsky and the Internet had fun looking at who Dan Orlovsky is represented by and who Ty Simpson is represented by. As why this narrative is out there about Ty Simpson. How do you guys feel about that one? I mean, it happens all the time, and sometimes it's not the only deciding factor. I'm sure Dan would say that that's not what's going on there, but it is a data point. And I think we're in a day and age when it comes to sharing information, be it from insiders or analysts where that needs to be taken into account.

Okay, but you understand, I mean, you understand that what Mike Ryan is doing there. Deden Olovsky's great. He's a rising star in the business. Already is a star, really, but is going to have options at a place where they're feeding the eagles and starving the turkeys because the industry is rattling and it's rattled. Ooh, is he an eagle or a turkey? I want to play this game. Sounds like an eagle. We can. Let's play the game if you want to play it there or at Fox or anywhere else.

with Eagles and Turkeys, but Arlofsky has now become, he's gone, this is a fairly amazing evolution. Guy mocked as part of a winless season where he's the quarterback symbol for running out of the end zone, back of the end zone, scared from a pass rush in a way that made him lose sight that he's five yards out of bounds, no awareness about the size of the situation, that he was the visual incompetence for winless in that league. He was the quarterback on that line team that went one of many. He was like the last of, they went through a bunch.

They got a bunch of people hurt. But that's the moment. I think I have my timeline. Right. That was a winless Lions team. Correct? That was the Lions team that shamed me because I thought they were going to make some noise in the playoffs.

After John Kitt and had a giant preseason, Roy Williams, I said they're getting to the playoffs and they didn't win a single game. And that was the play everyone remembers from that season if I'm remembering correctly. Now, that's a data point. Is it correct, though? So, okay, I've yammered. But if you're telling me, the way that information is being processed now is that in our most unscientific of measurements, trying to measure all of this meat market of who's the best athlete out here,

somebody's needle is moving up the charts because they've just got access to ESPN and they're represented by the same agency and the internet is clucking about, is he conflicted on, is he doing sales on television or does he really believe a 190-pound quarterback can be a first-round pick in this league in a first round where there are no good quarterbacks except the, first one. I think you're taking some obvious catnip there. It's just something that people should consider. Orlovsky is known as, because he's out there with a hot take saying this is flatly the best quarterback prospect. He's better than the Heisman Trophy winning national champion in Fernando Mendoza. Not many people are saying that. And so people are picking that part apart. I do think that Ty Simpson, look, Miami was in on the pursuit there and Ty Simpson was told by pretty much every front office in the NFL, you're a first-round draft pick despite the snap count and despite

the measurables. And if that's the feedback that you're getting from highly respected front offices, you take that. We'll see. Like I said, I'd be worried about the snap counts. I think that that's a huge data point in this day and age. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I mean, if you trust the credibility of Orlovsky, which I tend to, then you have to think he's not going to get behind Simpson if he doesn't believe it to some large degree. Mike accuses me of taking the catnip and I'm just saying he says the internet is clucking on something and I'm asking you, I mean, as somebody who wants to play eagles or turkeys, you guys know how I feel about information and its sources and its gathering, okay? We know how I feel journalistically about some of that.

I can't say, as I sit here, other than seeing Alabama stink and that quarterback be too small, all of last year as Alabama stunk. Like, I know it's Alabama's quarterback. Alabama stunk last year. Worst version of Alabama I've seen in probably, I don't know, I don't know how long I have to go. They did win a playoff game. Don't care. Typically, that's a successful season.

It may not be Nick Saban standard, but to say that they stunk when they won a road playoff game. I saw that team play against Alabama on the road and lose. by two touchdowns, you don't not have to tell me anything else about that football team. That was not a good football team. They went through the SEC. A weak SEC that got a lot of credit for being the SEC. Like a weak SEC, not a average SEC. Our tone is good.

Week. Folks, this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Listen, money stress. I feel like nobody really teaches you how to deal with it. You just kind of wake up one day, you look at your bank account and you go, oh, cool, that's not ideal. And it's not just the money. It's everything around it, the overthinking, the bad sleep, the all deal with it. which never works.

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Bet must win to receive bonus bets which expire in seven days. Minimum odds required. Four additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see sportsbook.draftcings.com slash promos. Limited time offer. Don Libetard. Greg, how's your birthday going so far? I invented it. It's going fantastic. My wife and I are staying home tonight.

We're watching the debate on TV. We're going to do something special for dinner. It's a nice day for me, so. for. Stugats. That sounds like a not a super nice night. The debate. Old people love that shit.

Yeah. That's exactly right. Yeah. That's exactly right. Old people do love that shit. And I'm old now. I can't deny it anymore. This is the Dan Levitar show with the Stugats.

Let's get back to the tournament. Soften it up. Texas A&M. 10 seed gone, unfortunate. Adam Silver looks like a knitting needle. But Houston advances, and we've got to root for poor Houston. Ed Malloy looks like the guy who brushes his teeth in the company bathroom. That is the perfect set of teeth for that joke.

Yeah. That's the perfect smile for that joke. That's the guy who brushes his teeth in the company bathroom, especially that tooth in the front. And it's always a white guy. Put it on the Pollat-Lebitard show. Is it always a white? guy brushing his teeth in the company

bathroom. Look, it's my data. I've just never seen one. Roy? Yeah. Louisville's out. Six seed, gone. Hunter Pence looks like the pirate forced to walk the plank after a failed mutiny

against his captain Jeff Samarja. Crushing. Samarja should be in there and make the joke better. Michigan State, I I'm terrified of them just mucking up. Advancing to the final four and ruining basketball. Michigan State advances.

That means this advances. Adam Silver looks like a pissed off lighthouse. Thank you, Sigre. It was. It's that visually good. Yeah. Gonzaga, number three seed, gone. Aaron Judge looks like the most athletic member of the Adams family.

That's a crusher. But Texas 11-seat advances. Adam Silver looks like an Apple Watch charger. There are just some teams you wonder, how are they still in the tournament? That's not one of them. That's not one of the... Teach their own. Well, were you looking at the same picture I was looking at?

Because that looked like the commissioner of basketball was the Apple Charger. And at this point, given all of the people, all of the people who are in bed together, it might as well be. Put it on the Pollittal Show. Would you be totally okay with the Commissioner of Basketball being an actual Apple charger? Just a computer. We're headed there, aren't we? We had a driverless car today. How far are we from the computers

are going to be the commissioners of sport? Hey, who's the sponsor for the league, Apple? Who's your commissioner? The Apple charger? Yep. AI will be running everything in a year and a half. Jeff Samarja does look more like a pirate than Hunter Pence. Put it on the Pollat Levitard show.

Who looks more like a pirate? Hunter Pence or Jeff Samarja? Aaron Judge and Adam Silver, let's go to VCU, the 11 seat in the South. Sorry, I got lost there. What's VCU? Tom Izzo looks like a mailman. Gone. Number three, Illinois, advances.

Tony Reale looks like the overzealous owner of an Italian restaurant who always greet you at the door with my favorite couple when you walk in. That picture is flawless. He doesn't look like it. He is it. Vanderbilt is gone. That means this is gone. Tim Kirchin looks like what Steve Corell will look like when he's really, really old. It's true. I like rooster.

Lawrence did it again. That show is very well written. Nebraska. Nebraska advances 4C. That is? Bo Nix looks like he's a quarterback on a CWT drama about high school football. That picture is great. High point gone. That means this is gone.

Scott Van Pelt looks like Adam Silver on steroids. But like, yeah, cortisol. Right? No. That's so mean. What is that mean? It's mean, yeah, but it's funny. To who?

It was supposed to be uplifting for Scott Van Pelt, like you're Adam Silver on steroids, and then you made the steroid cortisol. But wait a minute. Our cortisone, it's cortisone. It's not cortisol. Cortisone is a healing bomb. Wait a minute. Because when you think steroids, if I say Adam Silver on steroids,

now you're making him a bodybuilder, correct? You're making it. I think the joke is that compared Adam Silver, just him as he is, is him on steroids. That's right. you turned it into a topical cream. You're caught up and Scott Van Pelt doesn't look like he's on steroids, so you're trying to change it.

So, okay, and I've insulted, and in the process, and in the process, as a bonus, I've also insulted Scott Van Pelt. That's right. Okay, good. So I'm doing well today. So I'm doing well today. It's why Mike never wanted us to go live. You see what happens?

It just careens off the rails, and Zaz is in the middle of street on Ocean Drive. and he's recreated a movie from 40 years ago, and Cody doesn't understand it, and Cody's over here confused by everything we're doing while thinking about his podcast and a Joe Biden impersonation that went on 90 seconds too long. Scranton.

Luckily for you, that Scott Van Pelt one is eliminated, so we won't have this problem again. Who are they playing? Who did they play? Who advances? I don't know. You tell me. It's Arkansas advances to the Sweet 16.

Brock Purdy looks like a youth pastor. All right. So Greg Cody continues to be on fire today, calling for the ball and then just backing away from the microphone because you loved how much, you love the looks like, Damashch. You were insulted. You're insulted that Damashik, look, this is the truth here. I urge you to go check out the Greg Cody show featuring Greg Cody. Greg feels threatened by Damashik. Damishick did a back in my Dave. Do you have a back in my day today? It's Tuesday. No, I happened not to. I had jury duty yesterday. I did. didn't have time to work one up, but maybe next week we're aiming for that. Did you have jury duty yesterday? No, I did not. We're aiming for back in my day next week. So that's a may not. So you missed March. Right? Won't next week be March 30th? Oh, you got lucky. Or something like that? I think. So you're promising on, that means you're you're locked in for one? I'm

hitting at it. That's for sure. I don't want to say promise. What are you laughing about Roy? Oh, we're just getting ready for my top five teams that I like to watch. watch as Roy. Do you want to hear them? Well, but I heard you clap and then I saw off camera there, there was somebody that was opening the door. OLLI, the Clemson Tigers. OLLI, the Cincinnati Bengals. OLLI, the LSU Tigers. Number five, the Princeton Tigers. Number four, the Auburn Tigers.

Number three, Tiger Woods. number two Memphis Tigers and number one of course the San Antonio Spurs Oh God I'm not having a screw

Did I just see somebody dressed as a tiger crawl into that room Did I just see ass crack Scurry past I mean so you guys could make the joke of Ethan attacks Roy as a tiger

A visual joke As if we haven't had Deuter of the mind Dan As if we have a that enough. Wait, I guess it's not theater of the morning. Theater of the eyes. As if we have not had enough nontents today that alienates the audio audience, including Zaz, stumbling down some stairs, a joke that only works if you're watching visually. It's a great joke, though. Whose idea was that? And now under the table, my dad just fed me. I have a top five, too. I'm just, you know,

like that kind of thing. Hey, Zaz is back. Jack. Welcome back, Jack. trying to whisper to Chris that you have a top five. I was doing hand signals like sign language. What is your top five about? And can I get you mold by a tiger before you finish it? No, let's not. But it's the top five things that can note jury duty. Because I thought you were on jury duty yesterday, but you apparently...

You lied about being on jury duty moments ago. You shirk your duty as a citizen. This is a fine. I thought lying was a fine. I'm not going to use the lying cue on the penalty box. But I thought that the lying was a fine. and he lied about jury duty. Just flat out lie.

There was a fib. No. Yeah, he is lying. There's something there. It should be a fine. You fibbed. Can I tell you? I had a fibula in my leg.

Thank you, me. A couple of them. Is it your fibula technically your leg? You got a fibula in your leg? Yeah. Do you see it when you look at me? Right, Kislauski's racing with a broken one. Okay.

Wow. One up me? Wait. That might be a femur. I'll check. Greg, are you tangled up in your headset right now? Nope. You lied to me about jury duty.

You didn't have jury duty, but then you said, I've got a top five about the jury duty. No, I do. But. I mean, it can wait until you finally do jury duty, which won't be for a while because you keep postponing. You know, the real citizens, they go in there, they do their civic duty. But you're bigger and better than that. So you'll wait for the courts to call again, and you'll come up with a, Takamami excuse, well, you can't do it.

Civic duty. I pay taxes. That's my civic duty. It was a femur. I'm so stupid. So the fibula is a part? It is the leg or it's a part of the leg? Part of the leg. I thought it was just the leg. Femar is painful. I thought the fibula was just basically a synonym for the part of, no? No, it's a bone. I believe it's the biggest bone in the body, isn't it?

It depends on the body. It's not, baby. Is it, though? I'll put it on the poll, please, at Levitar show. Fibula, the biggest bone in the body, because I don't think that is what it is. I thought it was the femur. Look it up. I believe we're showing our ignorance as a show. It's the femur.

Look at me. They both start with F. Fibula's like a lying vampire. I am fibula. Can you guys get me the damn pitino? I've been asking for it for two days. I've been asking visually for the Patino for two days of Dracula. And yes, that is a great.

You are absolutely right. that is a great sarcastic cartoon Dracula movie Hey, who is it? It's fibula. You guys don't think it's funny that Patino's in the Sweet 16 again?

It's a prorius, is it not? Yeah, it's funny. He's really good at this. I don't really like blood. Garlic, my favorite.