The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Hour 1: The Poop Picker Uppers

Episode Date: December 2, 2025

"That's a manly descent." How are we in December and still don't know who will win the College Football Playoff, Super Bowl, or Heisman? How did Dillon Brooks get so good? How did Tony's Top 5 become Canes propaganda? How did Dan piss off former Dolphins Tight End Jed Weaver? How did Mike find four coaches who look more like Santa than Bob Wylie? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Quervo.com. Please drink responsibly. This is the Dan Levator show with the Stucats podcast. It is a Greg Cody Tuesday. Do you have a back in my day, Greg? I happen not to today. I sure wanted to, but I had a deadline for the book I'm writing. Too busy missing PFBI deadlines?

I had to get the last chapter in the last couple of days so I didn't have time. Still can't believe that. What book are you writing? Sex and the Animals. with Ron McGill. I don't understand why it is that you have just simply quit on this, which was part of your job, a job that you are paid for. It is the one thing that we consistently ask you to do around here. We don't consistently ask you to do anything else. And you've just stopped doing it. Yeah. I mean, you know, people change. People evolve. Sometimes someone

But you're telling Abdul Carter to come do his job professionally to just do the thing that he has to do. And you're saying be accountable while your son accused you of a lack of accountability on PFPI and you're clearly lacking accountability here when you're the only one responsible for doing this as part of your only job assignment around here. Well, first of all, it's not my only job assignment. Let me ask you this. Do I have any say in whether or not I want to continue to. doing back in my days.

I mean, clearly, you've stopped, you've stopped doing it, but you didn't make an announcement that you were stopping doing it. And in fact, didn't you promise it? You said there was one being worked on for some reason. There's a couple in the hopper. Yeah. We may... You have all the say on this. You've been doing it your way

the entire time. Did you adjust your contract since you didn't want to do it anymore? He's getting paid more. I'm in here twice a week. Nothing in my contract says I have to do... You know, I'm doing songs for this show. I'm doing songs for this show. This show was introduced with the football song we did.

The interesting part is it does seem, as the back of my days have gone away from this show, gripes of wrath have kind of gone into the Greg Cody show. Well, it is true that on the Greg Coate's show where he writes out complaining about things. It is true that on the Greg Cody show, we have a segment called Gripes of Wrath. I believe it was poop picker uppers this week. Yeah, they're all frauds. If I see somebody walking around my neighborhood with a dog on a leash with one of those little plastic bags pretending that if his dog craps on my lawn,

he's going to pick up that poop, he knows he isn't. I know he isn't. That's a blasphemous allegation. If you're carrying around the bag of poop, you're going to pick up the poop. I carry around the bag then. Because you're doing it for poopers. Some people do the fake pickup. Yeah.

I'm in the honeymoon. What does that mean? Like, they put their hand down and they just pick up grass? You just kind of do the look around in particular, like, in case anyone's happening to be looking at me here. I'm in my honeymoon stage with my dog, so I'm picking up all the poop. Check back in a year. Maybe I'll be different, but right now, all the poop gets picked up. You got to pick up all the poop.

I made that mistake. I didn't know it at the first time. The first time I owned a dog, I did not know that I was supposed to do that. You don't pick up the poop? Nope. Do you have a dog? I got two dogs. I don't pick up my poop either.

You don't pick up any dog? You don't walk your dog. You don't pick up the poop? No, it's not. It's the opposite. I'm disappointed to hear that because I kind of like you. That's bad. It is.

It is. Disappointed. Wait a minute. Both things can be true. It is indeed literally fertilizer, but it's not something anybody wants in their lawn. Oh, no, I don't let my dogs poop in someone else's lawn. But this is what they're doing. This is what they're talking about.

No, that's lame as hell. Oh, okay. No, no. People do that, though. Yeah, that's the lame as hell. I let my dogs in my backyard, but if I let my dogs in my backyard, but if I let my dog's If I do take them on the leash and I walk them like around the lake in the grass where no one lives. And I do not pick that up.

I would never allow my dogs to poop on someone's lawn and not pick up. That's awful. But even common ground, some people would call that still a jerk. I'm not picking up common ground. I'm not doing that. People walk around with fake poop in their bag. Get that. You're making that up.

That's just the thing he says. There's toy poop in those bags just to appear like you have something in the bag. So the people drive by and say, oh, look at that guy. If you want more of this coverage, the Greg Cody Show featuring Greg Cody is where you can get it. And here's something else I expose in the latest episode of the Greg Cody show because this man, my son, is a fraud. Chris Cody has just recently engaged a company and pays them every week to pick up his dog's poop from his backyard. I want some details on that. 15 bucks a week.

They come twice a week and now I don't have to worry about stepping in my backyard. poop in my bag. I want that. It's like, I'll send you the link. Yeah. Sad. Yeah, right. Sad. It's a great business. Next thing, you're going to pay somebody to wipe your ass for you? How much would it cost? You said that on the Greg Cody show, by the way. You got to take responsibility. Can I get some fresh material out of you here? Like, how is it that you're doing all the work that you do for the podcast that we help you with and you do a lesser version of the work here? Right. Right. Right. What's your point? I don't get it. What's your point? He's confirming the accusation.

Mike Ryan, do you have your top five list of Santa-looking coaches who, this is this just football or is this all of sports? Okay, is it ready? It's ready to go? It's ready to go. Fully baked. All right. Fully baked. Okay. I still don't understand the accusation that Greg is making, by the way. You're saying that people are going to the effort of buying fake poop, put it in their bag. He's projecting what he would do.

It's one of the dumbest accusations I've ever heard. No, because I believe that. You know, everybody... I've ever seen anyone doing it? Like, you just saying, I believe that. You think there are people driving around, and they're actually peering to see if there's poop in the bag that's being held by that person on the streets. Dog walkers want to appear... The bag is nothing but a prop.

Dog walkers want to appear as if they're doing the right thing by picking up after the dog. My contention is that most of them do not, particularly when they look around. and they don't see any neighbors looking at them? I learned it in an embarrassing fashion. I've told you guys the story before. The way that I learned this is I was yelled at by my neighbor, former Dolphins Tight End, Jed Weaver. Oh, what a name.

That's what happened. Solid hand. What did he say, Jed? He got mad. The dog pooped in his lawn? Yeah, but I did, yes. You need a three-yard reception? I thought.

See, if you had that fake bag with a toy poop in it, you could have showed it to him. No, there still would have been the poop in his yard. But he couldn't prove it was yours. Was he going to run a DNA test? Can't prove it's yours. O-L-I. Where's Roy?

Tom Moore. I'm right here. Fanfare. Fanfare. Fanfare. That's Santa. Look at Tom Moore. His face has not moved in 30 years of football.

That's a happy man. Offseason Santa, for sure. But, I mean, picture a big, fluffy white beard on him. That's Santa. That's a clinically depressed Santa. Honestly, I just want to put up to throw up. I just wanted to throw up a photo of Tom Moore. But he does look like Santa. You're right.

He does. Number five, Bob Wiley. Former Brown's offensive line coach, famous for going hut and his tummy moving. I mean, look at that guy. That's pretty good number five. It's a mustache guy, though. That's also a guy you don't want to really fight because I'm guessing he's got a lot of gray hair on his shoulders. His beard's on his chest. Look at that.

That chest. That chest hair is. Good God. Wild. Just high armpits, too. That is a great line by Zadzlo. His beard is on his chest. That is absolutely a beard that has fallen from his face and is just a tuft of hair.

It's a high armpit sweat. I think he had a great wartime quote, too. Jeremy, get on that. Number four, can't all just be chubby white guys. Pop. Late stage pop. You know about that COVID pop? Look at that.

Look at that. Number three. Howard Schnellenberger Jesus What the hell is that I'm not really sure What'd happen in the processing Take my word for

He's wearing a red jacket Which would have been really helpful there All right Okay Number two We're going to spell this Santa With two ways Rob Ryan

It's a good list And number one This one's easy Lovey Smith Ah It's a good list. I salute you. I want to get to some video here.

We have the Bob Wiley quote. Did you know World War I and World War II? All those guys that fought in that war, they did push-ups, jumping jacks, sit-ups, climb the rope, and ran. None of this fancy shit. And they won two World Wars. Do you think they were worried when they were running across Normandy about bleeping stretching? It's a good quote. He ain't wrong.

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Don Libetard. You don't remember the idea for a home runoff? I was probably like, that kind of thing. Something. Okay, no. The home run call was that kind of swing. That kind of thing. Stugats.

Oh, it's a good call. Thank you. And plus, it doesn't matter who's hitting it. Like, you're not tailing it to a particular name. You know, all that jazz. You know, you don't got to do that. Oh, that would be a very call. That kind of swing, that kind of thing.

This is the Dan Levitar show with the Stugats. Speaking of which, there are a couple of coaches here who are getting attention. I want to cover some of this as I see Jim Mora being resurrected at Colorado State because I think some of the stuff happening around this coaching stuff is the worst kind of hope trafficking where we just want to believe so badly that some leader knows how to leader better than other leaders that we just get super excited and crazy about Lane Kiffin, for example. So Lane Kiffin is getting an assortment of perks as part of his contract. And all that happened here as far as I can tell is that LSU wanted something that Florida thought it had.

And so LSU, which has already made this mistake with Brian Kelly, is in the middle of fighting publicly. That's over now. Brian Kelly's going to get his money. But they fought and squabbled over whether Brian Kelly deserves his money after you'd think, LSU already learned about this false profit bullshit that we're doing all the time with leadership. But Lane Kiffin's perks are among the following. 65 hours of private jet time per year. Do you understand?

Like, he can take 20, 30 trips with that kind of jet time. That is a lot of jet time. It's awesome. Like 15 trips. Courtesy, well, it depends on how long they are, but he's also got private first. class flying for just recruiting. So these are just family trips because he's got family and guest guest travel. He's got suites priority tickets. He's got courtesy vehicles, plural. What are you

laughing about, Mike? Isn't that every coach at this point? Well, no, he's got the, look, he's got, because of the way that he was coveted and because of the way he played this, I know a lot of people are angry about this. I saw Bill Cowler, Bill Cowher howling about this on CBS. A lot of people are mad at Lane Kiffin for maximizing his leverage because of how he was coveted. He just got himself not just a contract that is spectacular, but a contract that guarantees him that it's going to keep being spectacular if someone else gets paid more than him or LSU is going to pay him for what would have been his bonuses if he had gotten deeper into the playoffs with Mississippi.

That's my favorite. So Lane Kiffin is actually still rooting for Ole Miss's success. right now while he is still while he is the head coach at LSU and if Ole Miss is successful LSU has to pay their current coach. It's wild it's one of the

wildest incentive clauses I've ever seen. Do you remember? Remember well it was I think the very end of October right where you had the clown governor Governor Landry, the governor of Louisiana Yes of Louisiana and going over the whole spiel about how

you know Scott Woodward the then athletic director. Let's play the sound. Let's play the sound. We were introduced to this governor because he was complaining about Brian Kelly, wanted Brian Kelly gone and was complaining about the idea of doing this hope trafficking with heroes. These big name coaches, they're big names because they win. What are they afraid of? Right? If you're the best, you shouldn't have to worry. You say, guess what? I'm putting my reputation on the line. And when I win, this is how much money I want. There's no guarantee. The way the contracts are structured. now, tells the guy, listen, you know, in five years he might get tired of do it.

He's like, he doesn't have to worry about coaching because he's like, look, as long as I kind of go through the motions, I get another five years at $10 million a year. That's not a bad gig, Pat. If your boys over there are giving great entertainment to ESPN and we don't get to, we don't enjoy watching, you know, which we absolutely do, guess what happens? You lose sponsors. That's the free market. So they weren't going to give out.

There was no way that LSU was going to give out. The state of Louisiana was not going to allow. another contract like Brian Kelly just got. And what winds up happening? They do the exact same thing for Lane Kiffin and more, paying him the bonuses for what another school does. His potential buyout one day is more than what Brian Kelly's would be. And there's no offset language of any kind that if they do fire him,

that he has to go out and, you know, in good faith, look for another job. This governor turned out to be a clown. Give me a break. A politician lying? No way. Why did governors get involved in sports now? Hey, governor, you got a whole state to run. They're state employees. It doesn't matter. They shouldn't get involved in their teams. He's the highest paid employee in the state. I understand governors or employees of state colleges, not private colleges.

Not the governor. No, Lane Kiffin is the highest paid employee in the state. Right. I get it. Right. Like if the boosters weren't going to pay the buyout for Brian Kelly, the state, the taxpayers would be on the home. Most governors don't exactly seize the opportunity to be front-facing here, but they have a ton of influence. They approve budgets. They approve boards. Like Ron DeSantis, his fingerprints are all over state schools in the college football scene. I don't think that's right.

I think there's too much going on in a state for them to demean the office. Oh, you don't think it's right that they do that because it is accurate. Right. Yes. I don't think it's right they do that. He gained a lot of political points by doing that. That's an easy winner for him. Of course it is.

simply rip Brian Kelly, but then they do the same thing and more. His words meant nothing. This is the best contract in the sport because it guarantees that, look, Lane Kiffin had such leverage. And I do believe a lot of this is stupid, okay? Because I just saw Jim Mora Jr. resurrected for Colorado State. You got to stop doing this to Jim Mora. Back-to-back nine-win seasons at Yukon.

Like, he's doing it the hard way. Did you see his quarterback stats? 28 and 1. I am doing it to Jim Mora just because we can recycle every Matt Nagy that's out there. Like, we can do this. It's hard to win nine games at UCon. We can, agreed. Yukon is better than they've been.

I'm only doing it to Jim Mora Jr. Because we've already seen this fail and now we're going to see it polished up. And it doesn't mean that Lane Kiffin can't learn from previous mistakes. Obviously, Ken, he was a very young coach. But he's failed every single time he's had expectations. every time. And now it has this contract because he's the guy that's available. And all you need is two fighting over him. And then the ego gets involved. Because when Florida thinks they have someone and LSU thinks that they're a better program, all of a sudden you've got exactly what you need in order to negotiate a real sweetheart deal from a governor and a constituency that just got burned by this. I would buck up against he's failed to deliver on expectations. I think he was there at Tennessee for one year.

They were obviously pissed to see him go. He failed to deliver at USC, no doubt. He got fired on the tarmac there. And the Raiders. But FAU surpass expectations. Ole Miss is having their greatest run in program history right now. Those expectations weren't real. When you bring Lane over, like he surpassed their expectations.

Agreed. He made FAU the top of that conference. But there were no expectations. when he took the job that actually FAU and Mississippi would be in 10-win territory. So, of course, he's exceeding low expectations. When he's had high expectations, he has not met them. That's been his history. It doesn't mean he can't learn.

And this isn't actually disparagement of Lane. I'm just putting in front of you the facts and what it is that happens when you start sprinkling. Oh, we need the guy who appears to have more leadership knowledge than the other. guy so let me go let me go over here to this summer all because he gets off a plane giving great coach I like this guy well of course this I like him so Mike told you yesterday this guy is being paid half of what Lane Kiffin was offered by Florida he's thrilled to have the job but let's show him getting off the plane here because he's showing exactly the kind of confidence when the coach is being introduced and you're getting your first optics I love this he's getting off the plane and

climbing the stairs look at him look at him of course a private same At the game time, the gator chomp while walking down some difficult private jet stairs. This is a good look. This is a good start. I know that you, everyone wants them fired already. This is a good start. It couldn't start better than this. He's coming down the stairs while also doing the gator chomping.

Tough to do. And doing so at a discount half as much as Lane Kiffin. And so this is what they sell you when they can't get Lane Kiffin. Hey, we lost on Lane, but what we've got is a coach who can indeed climb down the stairs. while doing the gator chomp with his hands. I even think Lane waits to get to the bottom of the stairs before doing the chomp. Like he walks down and then chomps. Just the simultaneous.

It's dangerous. It's confident. You're confident in your athletic ability and your general synchronicity of function. Well, there's no coming back. You don't even have to fall. You don't have to trip if you slip a little bit. There's no coming back to you. Imagine that look.

Oh. It wasn't a great chomp. I got to be the guy to say it. The chomp was a little off-sighted. Let me see it again. I also think he was cheating by looking down at the stairs because I think he was and I don't blame. I don't see any look. One

look. It's a lobsided shot. A couple looks. All right, he's looking. It's all looks. Yeah. He's going like this. Well, he knows. He knows he can't fall in that moment. I feel like one look and you're good. They're all the same different. Do you think he thought of that before they swung the doors open? Like he thought of that. No, it could be a little

jarring when the plane, you know, stairs come out. They're not your usual stairs. They could be a little bit thin, you know. Can we see Lane walking downstairs? Do we have any shot of Lane walking down to play, because I got to compare in contrast here. I bet you he just hops on the railing and slides down. Oh, see, this is

no LSU signal going down to step. That's a good descent, though. That's a mainly descent. What? Yeah. No, he descended the stairs. He didn't touch the railing. Better than Pat Somerall. I will say, Lane Kiffin did not Pat Somerall. John Somerall. I know that. I was making a joke about a 95-year-old

former broadcaster. While running out of breath. John Somerall revealed at his press conference that Lane told him to take the Florida job and co-signed it. For half as much money? Did he tell him that they're offering you half as much as they offered me? How do you guys say Marcus Marriota? Have you heard it? Have you said it? Have you heard it said any other way ever? Greg, have you ever heard Marcus Marriota said any other than the way that I'm saying? I have not. It's the way Mike Tariko also said it. Marcus Mariotta. Mario.

Oh, I've heard Mario now that you mention it. But that would say Mario, it's more of just like the T sound. This is how it's commonly said. Marcus Marioita. Yeah. I've heard that. And then the internet was going after Chris Collinsworth because he says it. Marcus Marioata.

Yeah. Marcus Marioita. And the internet was just like, this can't be right. And then, but they replay. That's not how you say. On NBC's broadcast, they do the starting lineups where the players say their name. So you hear Mariotta now saying his name. Marcus Mariotta.

Oh, he's saying it wrong. Yeah. It seems like Collinsworth is right. No, Marcus doesn't know how to say his own name. Marcus Mariotto. Hey, he's saying it wrong. Yeah. What?

Yeah. He got caught up in the air. He is saying it wrong. Marcus Mariota. I mean, Travis Kelsey is Travis Celts, but he's pronouncing it Kelsey because everybody else does. Doesn't even know his own name. It's like saying Toronto and Toronto. Ah.

It's exactly like that. Which is right. He said it Toronto. The same way both times, right? Marcus Mariotta. Nah, that's not how you say. No. Marcus Mariota.

That goes wrong. That's all I'm going to say from now on. Mariotto. I can't shake Andy Reed tickling tonsils. It was graphic. It was letcherous. We're going to try to tickle your tonsils on every play. The little chuckle there.

It's all of it. Does he see a reaction? It's also. You wake up in a dark, damp room, you're chained to a wall, and you hear this disembodied voice. We're going to try to tickle your tonsils on every play, every game. Saw 5. I'm begging for death. His...

We're going to try to tickle your tonsils. His voice is dragging through gravel. It is how it is. We're going to try to tickle your tonsils on every play. I didn't know what it meant at first, but now that I do know, I don't like it. I know that a lot of people listening

to this are bothered over the years, and I get it, that my tone can be strident and know it all, okay? I know that I am guilty of this, but there are a handful of things that I am really, really wrong about. And one of them is the entirety of Dylan Brooks. I don't know if you guys saw this game last night where he is taunting LeBron James.

He's been calling him old for a while. When Memphis got rid of Dylan Brooks, I thought he wouldn't play in the NBA again. I thought it was laughable that Houston gave him $80 million. I was surprised how good Houston is. Last night, without Devin Booker, with Dylan Brooks going for 30-something points, Dylan Brooks is making Phoenix be a good team better than I thought they were. Dylan Brooks is a lot better as a basketball player than I ever thought he was at Memphis. I know there's no real way to, you're right, and I know there's no real way to actually quantify this,

but Dylan Brooks is a good player. that is this is a guy who now three teams have they were terrible franchises or in a terrible spot and he has helped them get to a different kind of culture like a winning kind of culture like I said you can't really quantify that but Memphis was bad he was there the only time they were good they're terrible now he went to a bad Houston team and I know they have Durant now but before that he helped them get back on track they traded him in the Durant deal Phoenix terrible. And now Phoenix, Phoenix is good. They're 13 and 9. Like, Dylan Brooks is clearly a good piece for a winning team. It's the holiday season. Fantasy football probably not going

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A woman who was out swimming with her friends is believed to have been swallowed. hole by a 13-foot shark without any of her friends noticing. That's the weirdest part about that story. You're swimming with friends. You're having a good time. And then all of a sudden, people are looking around and go, where's Shelly? Like, nobody screamed? Every friend group has a Shelley, though, that if they go missing because a shark ate them

hole, you wouldn't notice. Classic Shelley. Exactly right. Stugats. She went quietly, apparently. If I'm swallowed hole by a shark, you're going to know it. This is the Dan Lebatar show with the Stugats. Let me explain to you how mismanaged the Phoenix Suns have been,

because Ishpia has been a disaster, okay? In 23 months, it's three coaches he owes $85 million, okay? That's 23 months, three coaches, $85 million. They pay Bill 19 million a year through 2030. they're going to pay Bradley Peel to play for the Clippers. Counting against his cap each of those years. Yes, $19 million a year. They've got the highest payroll in the league

and they don't control any of their picks through 2031. They are a disaster. That trade for Kevin Durant could not have been worse, everything they built their highest payroll in the league. It's not good enough to try and fix

that with Dylan Brooks. But when Devin Booker went out last night, Dylan Brooks continues to remind LeBron that he's old and LeBron barely got to 10 points last night. LeBron's still got that streak where he goes double digits every game and he barely got to 10 points. And the chase down that he always does,

you could hear Brooks screaming in the arena. It got so quiet because LeBron couldn't chase him down. The idea that I'm watching Dylan Brooks beat, I understand that LeBron is the oldest player in the league, but then I'm watching the taunts and that I'm getting Dylan Brooks gets to beat LeBron and gets the last laugh with LeBron? Like, that's just not something.

I ever saw coming. You saw how it went down with LeBron to reach the streak. You know, Greg, he's got this, I mean, it's forever where he reaches double figures. I mean, they're getting smoked in the fourth. They're down like 26. LeBron's stuck on seven points. Right. I get it. He hits a three with six minutes left in the game. They immediately take him out after that. I mean, they're getting smoked. And Dylan Brooks is posting up his son as well, like late in the game. Like, he was just taunting everything. He is such a good villain. I don't. know that does that sport right now have a better villain? You got Draymond Green.

You got Draymond Green. Do you have something who's, someone who's embracing the villainous role better than Dylan Brooks? I will say this about Dylan Brooks. The gall of that man. And I'm speaking from the Broadview, obviously. The gall of Dylan Brooks,

who's never made an all-star team. He's a 30-year-old journeyman criticizing LeBron James, the gall. He's a good player. He's a good player He's a good player and he's a better villain He's having a great year

He's a good player That's a good player That's Tony's music That's right Dan It's Tony's top five And it's presented by Smyranoff The official Vaca sponsor Of the National Football League

Smyranoff Please drink responsibly The Smyranoff Company New York, New York 40% alcohol by volume. How many OLLI we got, Tony? No OLLI, Dan.

We're going straight top five today. I'm at the Dade County Courthouse, a staple here. Somewhere else we can get kicked out of. No, this is public land. I pay for this. I pay this building right here. I pay for, everybody pays for this right here. So I can videotape here as much as I want.

Number five. Number five, would there really be a difference between me and Max Brasmer this weekend? 19 of 30, 126 yards, four picks, four sacks, and a QBR of 5.6. Yes, you would have been worse. I thought to myself yesterday, okay? I thought to myself when Young Way Koo is kicking the ground, and I see what I think is the greatest panic situation you ever see in football, which is the holder just running, and no one's out in a pass pattern.

I thought to myself, that's the most panic that a player ever feels on a field, except for Max Brasmer. Will Levis did that last year, right? Yeah. The sheer panic of Max Brosmer or Brosmer? Who cares? Okay, who cares? Fair enough.

Number four. Number four, Dave Conall is Dano. He's got the wherewithal. What is that? What is that mean? He's right, though, look at him. What does that mean? Checks out.

Seven and six. That's a wherewithal right there. Last year. year we talked exactly last year we talked about can Dave canales have the wherewithal to stick with Bryce young to make this panthers team interesting and then all of a sudden this year you caught you counted them as dead now there's seven and six a game a game back in the loss column from the bucks in the afs in the nfc south like anything can happen he's got the wherewithal best best adam's apple in the entire league uh put it on the poll at lebitard show does canales

have the best adam's apple in the entire league number three number three number three number three, Dan, hold on. I'm going to need to take something out here real quick. A prop. You know who has won their last four games with an average margin of victory of 27 and a half points, Dan? I do not. Oh, you don't? Okay, hold on. That's impressive. Give me a second. Give me a second. Oh, yeah. Oh, the Miami Hurricanes, Dan, oh. Wow. The Miami Hurricanes. Are you quantifying? Last four games, average margin of victory, 27 and a half points. I thought we were doing NFL football.

I thought, but I thought you were asking me about an NFL team. I didn't know you were asking me about a college team. You never put college observations in here? All I said is football. I said, you know, football team who's won the last four average margin of victory, 27 and a half points in Miami Hurricanes. Great test. There you go. Thanks coming up.

Number two. Exactly right. Thank you, Greg. You're welcome. Number two, you know who hasn't passed the smell test? Oh, you. More like P.U. Oklahoma, please.

Are you kidding me? Oklahoma? They can't score on anybody. And all of a sudden, they're going to be inside of the top of the top 12 as a college football playoff team. For what? They stink. Oh, you sucks. P.U. Dan. How did this become college observations? Number one. Number one, Dan, if the canes are left out of the CFP of playoff, we're taking the fight all the way up to the Supreme Court, which is why I'm here at the Dade County Courthouse right now. I'm going to go inside and make sure everybody knows if there's any college football playoff,

of voters in there. I'm going to let them know that this is a travesty, and we're going to take this thing to the Supreme Court, Dan. I've been sent here by the Department of War for the University of Miami, and I'm not going to leave until we make things right, okay? I would like to see by the end of the show, you having gathered a

crowd of protesters trying to attack justice and democracy on behalf of the University of Miami. She's pointing out James Madison. 28.25 points per game is the average margin of victory over the last 14th. When you consider, that also includes their four-point squeaker against Wazoo.

Don't you forget. You know, just have to score late against Virginia Tech. Oh, Dominion. Thank you, Tony. We appreciate all of your work. I appreciate you changing your top five from NFL observations. The last three outrage about this injustice around the University of Miami. I think you speak for the entirety of the city.

I do not know if Mario Cristobal is going to join the show. I am offended that I am being told I do not know. And that is the reason that Mario Cristobal will not come on the show because I don't know ball. Yeah, words out there. I will remain offended by this. I think you guys should be offended on my behalf. You've put me in a tough spot here because while it helps the cause putting Mario Cristobal on this platform, I don't want him to endure speaking with you. Yeah.

No. If we get Cristoban, you're going to grill him? No. What's the grilling to be done? I'm asking. What is the grilling? You just prop them up and you let them knock them down. That's what you do.

You say, all right, coach, go. What's going to happen here, though? Like, what needs to happen? What do you think is going to happen? There is an obvious propaganda movement. This is Saban taught this to us, where all of a sudden, after a season in which he lost games that were unexpected, you would see him making the arguments everywhere

and would be given by the platform that other coaches weren't necessarily given to appear everywhere. I expect to see Mario Cristobal doing nothing but interviews. for the until they're making the determinations. So what needs to happen and what is going to happen over the next few hours and days? He should be on every show. He should be on all the national shows, especially over the weekend when the hurricanes

are not going to be playing and all these other teams who are ahead of them in the rankings are going to be playing in conference championship games. Mario's got to go everywhere he can. Go everywhere he can. Be undeniable. You're 10-2, and a lot of the metrics

that people were citing when you were 6 and 2 or now in your favor because you played the season out common opponents, whether it be Notre Dame or Alabama or Texas with that loser head coach that just lost one game to Florida in a game that they had more yards in against Texas than they had combined in their most two recent battles against Miami Hurricanes and Mario Cristobal. So you have all the arguments right now. Head to head as you've applied. As you mentioned, guys, head to head in this top 15 has mattered throughout the rankings and there's one outlier. What have we been told? Well, then it's the quality loss. Okay. Well, quality loss doesn't apply to Alabama, I guess.

Everything that we know about the college football playoff committee's criteria that has been outlined, I guess doesn't apply to Miami. So I think that if you look at conference championship weekend, I was a big believer and you shouldn't be punished for losing your conference championship. I think that's bullshit. But if they're going to bullshit me, bullshit them back. You lose that, you're out. You know what's weird? I'm trying not to be prisoner of the moment with what I'm about to say, but I genuinely, as I think here, cannot recall a time when the NFL, college football, and the Heisman are so wide open. Like, I just have no idea who's going to win any of those things. You're not going to convince me that the Bears or the Patriots are going to win the Super Bowl.

You're not, you cannot, I will not believe it until after it's happened, and then I still won't believe it. Ram's just lost to the Panthers. It's really a strange time. But I have no idea. We're in December, and I have no idea who's going to win any of those three things. I don't know who's going to win the Heisman. My vote is due soon. I don't know who's going to win in college football.

And I don't know who's going to win in professional football. You're going to vote for Malachi, Tony, aren't you? Probably. Two of the three you mentioned there are exciting, even though we don't know what's going to happen. I don't find the Heism's got a lot of juice right now. Okay, it doesn't have to have a lot of juice. I just don't know who's going to win it. Pavia, Mendoza, Jeremiah Love?

Drew Mestemaker. I'd like to remind everybody, Jeremiah Love, had 33 yards against Miami when he actually lined up against big-time competition. And you're speaking to something that annoys me so much about college football right now is people are still applying this arrogance from like 10 years ago in which they feel matter-of-factly, they know what's going to happen when they play these games, despite parity being all over that sport. Anybody can beat anybody inside a certain group.

It's a hard sport. Winning is hard week in and week out. And for someone to just look at their poll rankings, see where other people slot them and say, well, Notre Dame would beat Miami if they played today by which metric? Recency bias? Because you lose that one too. I don't understand how people are so naive entering this process to think that they know better when a result is staring them in the face telling you quantifiably who is better

and you choose to ignore it thinking that you know better. I think half of the top 25, I think 15 of the top 25 teams in the preseason rank ended up unranked. We don't know shit. How can we be in professional football three quarters of the way through the season and in college football at the end of the season and not have any idea about those three things? Who's going to win college football's championship? Who's going to win pro football's champion? Who's going to win the Heisman? How can we still be asking after this much ball has been played?

can I be such a not ball knower that I'm sitting here saying to you, I don't know who's good. Isn't it great, though? It's great. I love that. And Ruben Bain should get your Heisman vote, by the way. And Louisville and SMU both were ranked this season. They both were previously ranked teams. I think I'm going to make it Tony. I'm going to make it Tony Bain and Beck, top three. What do you think? I think Mario Cristobal is going to be joining us this week. You people are a joke. Now is a good time to remember where tequila's story truly began. In 1795, Cuervo invented tequila. Quervo.

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