The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Hour 1: We Invented Football

Episode Date: March 27, 2026

"Hello?" While we're all excited about Opening Day, let's not forget about our UFL brethren who ALSO kick off their season today. Plus, a new nickname proposal for Caleb Williams, and Tony introduces the crew to a little thing called "The 'Are We Friends?' Theory." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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This is the Dan Levator show with the Stugats podcast. Jeremy, how did the live stream pitch clock go yesterday? It was a lot of fun. We had a great time. It was me, Chris, Ethan, then we had a variety of people. All show up at the same time. Yeah, including Mike Ryan. Thank you for stopping by in the midst of absolute chaos on the Zoom.

Yeah, it seemed like you guys were dealing with some adversity there. Yes, we pushed through. Middle innings, middle relievers coming in. I didn't even get to say Travis Hafner, which is something. Oh. But I got to say. more. I got to say Michael Kodier and Corey Koski, so my job there was done. Yep, it felt good. It felt good to have everybody there. I will tell you, I felt a little bit bad. I'll admit this. I'll cop this.

I felt bad two days ago, you know, the day before we're doing the stream and I was like, oh, you got a live stream coming up tomorrow? Pitchcock. Just like, yeah, you could, you know, zoom in between three and five and my response. Yeah, maybe. Well, a lot of people zoomed in. And I think Jeremy took it as like, oh, all right. No, no, not. Not a lot. at all. I feel bad. No, you shouldn't feel bad. That's what it's like when I ask friends to hang out.

I wanted to join, for real. I really did. I'm on to you? I wanted to. You stop. I really, I was about, I was literally like, Lewis, send me the Zoom, but then I forgot. You know what we talked about a lot was your boy O'Neill Cruz having truly a dreadful day? Like just one of the worst days I've seen on an opening.

Wear sunglasses. Yeah, just wear sunglasses. He missed two pop-ups, he missed two pop-ups, not pop-ups, fly balls to center field because he's not wearing sunglasses. He was the first person to have ABS negatively affected. Yes. He had a walk turned into a strikeout, just a bad day. And then the next guy hit a homer. He could have been on.

Brutal. Oh, hold on. So tell me about that. He had a walk that turned to a strikeout. Like, was he already on his way to first base? He was, like, walking towards first. And then they challenged it and he had to turn around and come back. Is he just like standing in the middle of the baseline waiting for the ABS? He was just doing his normal, like, starting to take off this stuff, got like 10 feet down and had to just turn

around. It was great. And then he struck out. Yeah, it was tough for him. So I unfortunately hopped in the Zoom at the same time everybody else did. But I was a little delayed because I wanted to have all the games on TV. which this year ESPN's app is the home of MLB.tv. Now, a little something for the sports fans out there.

Apparently, I had the MLB package all the last year because I'm a legacy subscriber and they'll renew it automatically for you. So there was a time where you willingly bought the package. Yeah, when I was doing my first year of a now three-year bit of being a Mariners fan. I watched a bunch of Mariners game that first year, and then just assumed I didn't have the package all of last year, so I got back out of baseball, but apparently I was paying for it the entire time because I checked and I'm like, okay, let me just go to the ESPN app.

I think I have this MLB package because I saw a charge this time, and I go to do it, and I got the prompt that says, you know, get access. Now, I am an Xfinity customer and it took several months to be able to get ESPN unlimited, and I had this additional subscription that was Disney. but with commercials, Hulu, and ESPN Select. So this afforded me the opportunity to get a little tight. But here's the thing. ESPN is trying to trick you because you can't do things on the app.

You can't manage your accounts conveniently on your phone. Yeah, dot TV sounds like it's like a computer. You can't even do it from the app itself. The only thing that really got me results was doing everything via desktop. Yeah. And it's intentional because they want you to have multiple subscriptions out there. but after 20 minutes of a lot of hard work, and this is a segment we like to call old guys complaining about streaming, I finally got alignment. I reduced one of my additional subscriptions that I don't need anymore because the Xfinity thing finally worked, and that took 15 minutes because they make that extra hard.

But I watched baseball, and I had multiple games on when he came to baseball. And it was a beautiful thing to see. I was into the sport of baseball for a day, and I joined this stream. but I'm doing a public service, folks. You're going to have to do this all be a desktop, which is like the most boomer way to do it. So many of you are probably thrilled about this. The MLB app didn't work?

No, dude. I also like forgot my password, so I'm like, all right, send me my password. But then I never got the email for the password, so I got to go on the desktop. You got to make sure you're put in the right email. I did. Like, there's just different ways around it.

It's all exhausting and it's meant to be difficult. I keep telling myself, man, I feel so, old. I feel like such an idiot. But the thing is, the system tries to make it super hard for you. I think this is also a difficult year in that there's a transition here from the regional sports network model to so many of these teams going internal that they have everything through, whether it's Marlins.tv, Rays.TV, whatever that is. So now, literally as of yesterday, and this is MLB doing these negotiations all the way for all of these teams, as of yesterday, they were just announcing which over-the-air channels you would be able to access the different teams from.

So like the Marlins announced, hey, you can get it on AT&T, on Comcast, Infinity, Charter, Fubo, but you didn't know that until yesterday. So if you were a fan who was trying to look in advance, you might have felt the need to go buy the subscription. Luckily, these subscriptions are at a reasonable price, but then you might have this issue that Mike ran into. So if you want to watch a game like tonight or want to continue through the weekend, you should get yourself set up in advance.

I had 25 minutes and it was like, do my taxes or be able to watch sports. You got to go sports? I want sports. I went sports. I had 25 minutes to be able to watch sports. You don't have a guy that does your taxes? I do have a, yeah, but I got to prepare stuff. You don't have a guy?

I got a guy. I got a guy. I got one of those guys. It's a lady. It's a really good one. But I also have to get my stuff together. I got you. You know, you got a lot of.

No, no. Trust me. I got you. I got you. I had to do some work too. Yeah. But I'd rather watch baseball, which is crazy. considering the discourse.

All right, it sounds really complicated how we're going to get to watch baseball. Yeah, that's how much. Look, when it comes to baseball or doing taxes, I'll give baseball this. I prefer watching baseball. All right, it's a hell of an endorsement. Jeremy, let's do a stat of the day. Start of the day, start of the day. This year, start of the day.

Start of the day, start of the day, start of the day, in this year, start of the day. The start of the day, this year, start of the day. Start of the day, start of the day, in this year, start of the day. Stat of the day is presented by Money Lion. Download the Moneyline app or visit Moneyline.

com to learn more. Money Lion, make money easy. We've got three competing stats of the day here, all freshman related for college basketball, men's college basketball here. So, first per opta stats. Arizona had three freshmen who scored 15 points or more on 60% shooting or more. It's the first time that's ever happened in an NCAA tournament game.

Okay? Illinois had a pair of freshmen to each have a double double. First time it's happened in an NCAA tournament game since freshmen became fully eligible in 1972. And Darius A. Cuff Jr. scored the most points through three career men's NCAA tournament games by freshman over the last 50 years. He passed Zion Williamson's record of 80 points through three games. That's the one. Which is the most impressive?

Why would a freshman not be eligible to play? Yeah, that's weird. Back in the day, you used to have JV. They wouldn't be able to play on the varsity team. It was like a mandatory register, wasn't it? I don't like that. Okay, so we'll get rid of that one. So the Darius, Darius, Darius, yeah.

Back in the day, you couldn't dunk. Did you know that? Really? Yeah, back the day, that wasn't just an athleticism. They didn't think, they didn't think, hey, dunking is like showboating on the other team, so you couldn't actually dunk. That's why you see back in the day, like everybody, like laying it up and finger rolling. Oh, that's why in all those highlights, like, Walt Chamberlain is finger rolling, but you can easily dunk? Exactly right, because they didn't, they, dunking was like a faux pie, you couldn't dunk.

Wow, did you know that day? You're shaking your head, yes. You knew that? Yeah, at UCLA and Tony is right again with the freshman season. There was a freshman team. you were not allowed to play varsity ball until your sophomore. Thank you, Dave. I know there's a lot of excitement in the air for baseball opening day, as rightfully should be.

But let's not forget our brothers play in spring football because it's also opening day for the UFL. Now, as you know, I'm a big XFL guy. I really don't like this UFL branding, but this sport has done a lot this offseason to try to shock the system. Why don't you like the branding? I'm an XFL guy. Because I'm a child of the attitude era. You know about that? He Hate Me?

Yes, I know plenty about He Hate Me. And unfortunately, one of the many things that COVID took from us was the fact that the XFL relaunched right before COVID impacted everyone's life was actually really good. And the ratings were good. It was getting traction. And then we are where we are right now, which is the UFL struggling to recapture even those highs. Do you remember how the XFL used to do instead of a coin toss what they did at the beginning of the game to get the ball? Yeah, the scrum for the ball. It was great. Dave. I was just saying I enjoyed that. No, you weren't. I believe Kirby Dar-Dar was on one of those teams. Really? Yeah, yeah, doing some of the scrums. And I think like the very third one, someone tore his shoulder because obviously that stuff is going to happen. But I have surprising news. This may surprise you guys.

The UFL game for one of the expansion teams in Louisville is completely sold out. Completely sold out. Yes, because it's a good football town. They're actually playing, I believe, at the same stadium that the Louisville Cardinals play in. But I don't know if you've seen what the UFL strategy is to get people to the games this opening weekend, but it's brilliant. Ludicrous is playing at a halftime. Nellie is playing at a halftime. Gucci Main is playing at a half time.

DJ Khalid is playing at a half time. Gavin de Grau doesn't fit this general theme, but he is playing a halftime. They have incredible halftime performers playing at these games, and it's apparently going to be really effective. More so than even the football is come out, watch a Houston gamblers. They're back to the gamblers, by the way, that's a big one, because I hated the roughnecks. Roughnecks was stupid. Hated the roughnecks. You had the gamblers branding the entire time.

I know Dave's with me on this one. I could watch the gamblers, not expecting much from them this season. And that's a little, that's window dressing on a ludicrous concert day. I am a child not of the XFL, but of the USFL era, which in fact with, with the AFL notwithstanding, is the second best incarnation of football as an answer to the NFL, the XFL, UFL. They kind of suck and are irrelevant. and it begs the question, why do they not just throw as much money as they possibly have at Colin Kaepernick and other names that get heat like that? That's the solution, isn't it? What am I missing about that? Well, what you're missing was who was running the XFL at first? And how like when the XFL first announced

back when Colin Kaepernick still had a window, I guess, because now the guy hasn't played for like 10 years. Now not. Now it's now it's ridiculous. Or should he? But like they like part of the press conference at Vince McMahon, had was they will absolutely be zero kneeling. He made it very clear that Colin Kaepernick really wasn't in the cards. I get it, but the UFL when it's, you know, I mean, I can't even remember how many times the UFL has attempted to launch itself. But within three years or, you know, three, four years ago, they certainly could have done that with Colin Kaepernick. And even if you remove him, if you find him problematic for whatever reason, just big name guys, throw all the loot. you can possibly find in the same way that your soccer team in Miami went out and got messy,

that's the solution, isn't it? There are some interesting names, though. Everyone will look to the quarterback position and, you know, you have Matt Corral, but like Benny Snell, like, I don't know, that probably does zero for you. DTR in Orlando? Yeah, John Ross, Leviska Shannot. Like, there are players that you're like, I remember him. It is like dudes naming dudes on the UFL.

And I think that what they try to do with the product is shock the system a little bit. And the NFL has already taken some cues from the Spring Ball League, formerly known as the XFL, and now presently the U.S.L. I don't think the games are bad. I think that the talent will surprise you. And I think from an in-game experience, you throw Gucci Man or Ludacris at me or Nelly in the St. Lunatics, I'm inclined to have a good time. Gavin a girl. Because as you know, Dave, I like to sit outside. and drinking ice cold beer.

Nothing wrong with that. I'm not going to take you to task for that, friend. I'd like to be right next to you with a beer in my own hand. Watching a baseball game from six months ago. Who? I'm trying to... That's right. Folks, listen up, quick break in the action. Are you counting down the days until payday?

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Don Lebertard. If Daniel Day-Lewis did it, you'd be jerking off all over yourself. Oh, come on. Yeah, I would be. I mean, what is it, what is that? I'm just saying. You know what? That's me.

That's me. Daniel Day Lewis does something. I see that photo of Daniel Day Lewis looking like Lincoln before he's about to start filming Lincoln. And you know what I do? I mean, Stugats. I jerk off all over myself. That's what I do.

Lincoln, who you outed the other day? Don't make this a rejoin. This is the Dan Levitar show with the Stugats. I'm trying to think, though, of who are those names? I say Colin Kaepernick. But, you know, practically his ship has sailed. It would be bad for him to throw himself out there between the lines, even in the U.S.L. He'd probably get himself hurt.

Then again, there is Joe Flacco. But is there a name out there that's sort of like, boy, that would be an interesting fit for a secondary league. I mean, I advocate, by the way, a little self-promote, we, Football America, Pablo Torre coming out within a matter of minutes here. Make sure you check that one out. But I do address exactly that. Doesn't the NFL need at last of a minor league like every other major sport has here? The CFL is sitting there, the UFL, there's some opportunity there. I guess it's because of the collisions you don't want to throw your young prospects out there for games.

Also, it already exists with college football. Yeah, that's true. But the CFL and the brain trust behind the NFL were very close three years ago to some sort of merger partnership. and it fell apart. Dave, I know spring football isn't your thing because you like college football. You love the NFL. But doesn't the current president of Football America owe it to his football Americans to give spring football a chance? I'm down.

I'm down. Listen, I'm not getting up on Mount Pius about it. My heart is open and so too will my eyeballs this weekend. I'm more than willing to give it another shot. I've given it many shots because, as you say, I love football. I've watched USFL, XFL, UFL, and all the rest of it. I'm down. I wonder what Football America thinks of a couple, you know,

rules that they actually have in the U.S.F, in the UFL that they don't in the NFL. You know, once you get to, Tony, once you move the ball into plus territory, you are not allowed to punt. I love that. Be bold. There's no punting once you're on the other side of the field. Good. Fourth and 13?

Go for it. And I think like a 60-yard field goal is worth four points. And so you might find yourself, like, there's strategy implied now with the battle of real estate acquisition, math being done. I'm willing to let this play out and see if this stuff works in the NFL. I know the notion of a kick being worth more points scares people. But I would argue on the other side of the coin, Tizaz's original point, is like, this is also making punting less important. Correct. And also the hypothetical we drew out a couple of weeks ago, maybe a month ago, was, all right, if it's fourth or third and whatever,

are you actually to go back to try and get a four-point kick instead of a three-point kick? I think you're right. Like, if I have the ball third down and I'm on the 41-yard line, I may want to lose a couple yards. A little draw play go the other way? Yeah. Like, is that, like, that's kind of wacky, right? And because the UFL has done this stuff with all these rules and being creative, it's kind of, I'm on this algo where people are pitching football rules.

My algos different than yours. I know your algo. You should have known Chapo row. If your algo is what it says it is. But Dave, there was one rule that I saw somebody propose that I'm curious your thoughts on. At one point in the game, you can decide we're going to give the opposing team six points. Just give us a ball. We're not going to let them milk the clock.

Like we are conceding. They score. Just give us a ball. Cute. A contrivance. Boy, it's a fine line between trying to push the envelope and get some attention for your league. And, you know, if it really thrives. The NFL picks it up.

It's validating and all of that. But I think you do run the risk of just being a punchline, a joke league. The XFL did too much whenever it was 20 years plus ago now. It went too far. So it seemed silly. It was hard to take seriously because it didn't feel like they were taking themselves seriously. Not to be a hardo, right? How many times have you been watching a game?

How many times have you been watching a game? Many sports fans have said this at their TV on a Sunday. Let them score. Right? hashtag let them score is a thing. I never say. I never want my defense to give up points. Unless you need the ball back immediately because you're down two scores

and the scoring is not as important as the time that's on the clock. So I don't, what's a bigger bastardization of the sport? A defense is letting a guy score or just saying like, no, no, no, give them the points, give me the ball, let's make this a little bit more. But then we have a let them score off because then the defense is like, no, no, we take six points from them. They just keep going back and forth. Exactly. Now we're getting to

I like that 90s. You want to give me six points? No, you'll get six points. No, I get six points back. Because I want the clock. Wow.

Dave's mind was just long. Yeah, I stunned them. My bad. My bad, Dave. Go ahead. Go ahead, Dave. Let them score off. My bad.

My bad. This is great because Football America does do exactly this today is things that we can do, things we can incorporate from other sports into football

to make the greatest sport even better. I went the direction of like, fight songs, the dressing around it. If you're talking about halftime shows Mike Ryan, the thing that college football, and in fact soccer at large has over pro football,

is the fans singing in the stands and the fight songs and all of that kind of stuff. I would love for that to happen. I think the UFL, I think it's the UFL that has this rule, my longstanding one, let's replace the stupid Pro Bowl that nobody gives a crap about with the losers. have the two worst teams play each other and the winner gets the first overall pick in the next draft. That would be the greatest thing. And then then the curmudgeon say, who would

want to watch that? The answer is every football fan would want to watch that. We're draft obsessed if you haven't noticed. Right. But Dave, why would. But if the number one pick in the draft like this year, it's Fernando Mendoza, he's going to be the number one pick in the draft, why would the quarterback for the Raiders want to win that game so then he loses his job? Exactly. You know, team A wants to run the ball. That's how their offense is built. They love to run the ball. The problem is they're going up against the team that's number one. It's stopping the run. Figure it out, coach. That's your job. If you don't think the quarterback is going to try, they go with another quarterback. I mean, and by the way, for professional reasons, you can't put bad tape out there. You can't

tank a game openly like that in front of the public. No one would ever hire you to be their quarterback ever again. So for better or worse, you would try if you're the current quarterback of a team and you're playing to give your team the right to draft your replacement. What about the fourth and 12 conversion instead of an onside kick? Nobody gets onside kicks anymore because you also have to announce them beforehand. So you don't, they've eliminated the surprise onside kick because the players are way out. You're not even allowed to do it before the fourth quarter. Yeah, yeah, you have to announce it. I like the fourth and 12 conversion rule. I think the NFL should consider that. I hate that.

Really? That feels very, that feels very, I get it. You're on fourth and 13? The onside kick is one of the most exciting things, the scarcity of it and how, and how rarely it worked even when it was working periodically. I mean, now it has zero chance of working. But again, this is a contrivance that feels like you're watching a game show in the final round where you can win the first three rounds, but then the other,

then the other guy can win the whole thing just by winning the final round because there more points available. Honestly. It feels foolish. No, Dave, let's pretend we're just building this sport. We are starting the sport of football. The past has never happened. Great invention.

All right. First off, credit to us, we invented football. Wow. How do we come up? Give it a better name because there's very little feet. How did we come up with this ball? All right. It's oblong.

We got that issue. All right? But that makes it easier to throw in the air. All right. More aerodynamic. What do you think is a better way, if a team wants to get the ball back after scoring, kicking this oblong ball, a mandatory distance of 10 yards, and hopefully you get the right bounce, or we actually line up an offense

versus a defense, and we go for fourth and 12. That one. And you do one play. Yeah, that one for sure. I'm not crazy. You're crazy. The onside kick is crazy. Got to be fourth and 15.

Yes, that's a carnival side show attraction, the onside kick. Fourth and 12, that's football. I guess so. Also, my problem is, though, that when everything is, you know, that when everything. has already skewed towards whatever favors the offense, I think we've reached a place where you would see a lot of conversions on that. Would that be a good thing? I mean, you'd start to see scores like, I think it wouldn't be, it's not wild to suggest that you would see some 61 to 54 kind of final scores with semi-regularity if you started to do that, because you would

understand that if you're down by a couple of scores in the second half, that offense, you know, if you have a good quarterback and a good offense, that you would probably try to go for it a lot more than teams currently do. Yeah, I get where you're coming from, but also, especially for a spring football league that has already got the deck stacked against them, right, to get eyes and attention. I mean, if you're tuning into a blowout,

you want as many opportunities as you can in the game for the other team to get back into it. Give me some drama here. Because I don't want to watch good football teams in a blowout. The hell I'm going to watch perceived bad football teams in a blowout. up. But the answer, the shortcut is, though, the shortcut to this is, is Levy and Bell is our starting running back. Antonio Brown has now been signed to be a wide receiver. Like I say, the names are out there. It's weird that they're not grabbing to get these people. That's how your league resonates.

It's why the AFL. The reason the AFL made it was because they outspent to get Joe Namath and some other big name guys coming out of school in the 60s. That's why it made it. And the USFL almost made it. I can't remember the owner who really mucked things up and tried to force it into the fall too soon. But either way, the USFL was about to make it because they did exactly what I'm talking about. People forget about Steve Young and they signed Zonka too, didn't they? No, that's the 70s. Yeah, that's the 70s. World Football League, Jim Kick and Zonk and all of those guys. But I'm talking about the 80s as, please keep up. This is that. It's the great, it really. It really, was talk about somebody who has a chip on his shoulder. I love the USFL. I was gaga for it for

its two or three year window of relevance. But like Herschel Walker would be unquestionably a Hall of Famer right now if he had not gone off to the USFL. And there are a number of guys who probably fit that description. They it was it. But they threw money at these guys to do it. Steve Young like I say and Jim Kelly and otherwise. And that seems to be the answer. We can talk and Sanka good half-time shows. And Mercury Morris, maybe, I don't know. Hey, Roy, buddy. You know that energy shift when the game gets good,

and everybody, altogether, in unison, knows to stand up on their feet? Oh, absolutely, Mike. Yeah, you've been at many big-time sporting events. You know that moment quite well. That's what it's like when you take your first sip of Cuervo. Oh, delicious. It's the signal that says,

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Bet must win to receive bonus bets which expire in seven days. Minimum odds required. Four additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see sportsbook.draftcings.com slash promos. Limited time offer. Don Lebertard. My algorithm on Instagram is dance, all boobs. Stugats.

It's a good algorithm. This is the Dan Lebatar show with the Stugats. I like reminiscent about the old rules, the old gimmicks that the XFL used to be. Remember, they had a cheerleader locker room camera. What? That's a camera. Sorry. Cheerleaders dressing room.

No, they didn't. Attitude era. Yeah. Ryan Clement was the opening game starter. He was a former University of Miami quarterback. Tommy Baddicks. Yeah, he was starting for the Las Vegas. outlaws in this game and they did like a pregame interview where he was in a hot tub surrounded by

cheerleaders. Hell yeah. What a time to be alive. We're so, we're so close to being back to that. We are. Thank God. Oh, it's been a long 25 years. As soon as clavicular gets out of prison, he'll be on it.

Yeah. Maybe you can play quarterback for the Sallions. Tony, what was I hearing from you this morning where you're upset with some of your friends with the way that they call you? Yeah, there's a bit of a situation going on that I like to call, are we friends? It's the are we friends paradox, right?

We all have each other's numbers in our phones, everybody, there's nobody that I know that memorizes everybody's number and then a random number calls them like, oh, that's Jeremy, oh, that's Chris. Like, if you ask me right now, I can remember, I know my phone number

from my original house when I was a kid. Same out of there when I was 11, all right? I know that phone number still. I can tell you it right now, okay? If you also ask me right now, what are my, I have two teenage boys. What are their phone numbers? I have no clue. Really?

I have no clue what their phone numbers. Seems to me an important one. I know my parents, my wife, and my brother. I know my wife. I know my wife's, I know my wife's, I know my mother's. I don't know my dad's cell phone. I don't know my boy's number. I know everybody's number and my family by heart.

So like I know all of those, but all of you guys, like I have you guys saved. What's my number? 954 something. Okay. All of you guys, he got it. Damn it. Except Zaz. I'm 305 to.

All dies. Zaz is 305 to you die. You're a 7-86 guy. What? Fuck you. So, all of a sudden... Is Mike learning? He's 7-8-6?

I'm not 7-A-6. I have an issue where somebody in my life answers the phone, like if they don't know who I am. So every time I call them... I'll do. I can do a good... Go ahead. Hello? Exactly right.

Wow. Wait, he answers it like a question? Like a question? Like, who is this? Like if it's a number that he doesn't have a say. Or he like disguised voice? Hello. No, but it's not what I do.

I don't know the number. Hello. No. So do you have a problem with them answering hello or they're answering hello like they're confused? Confused. Because this is a back and forth that like I'm calling because we're talking back and forth and I'm answering a question. I have to ask somebody else. I have to call you back or whatever.

And it's the same answer. Hello? And it just got me thinking like, do you not have my number saved in your phone? Could this do you know who I am? Could this just be their hello? Maybe that's just how they say hello? Never say hello as a statement. Maybe they're just always like, hello?

Walk into a room. Hello? Hello? It's always with a question mark. And it's like, I'm a very, I don't know, a friendly guy when I talk on the phone. I'm like, hey, like, Jeremy called me. Hey, what's up, buddy? What's going on?

Exactly. Call me. Hey, what's up? What's up? Like, talk to me. He was just like, yo. Or you know, yo's a good one though. But like, but like I feel like I'm not getting the proper response from time.

Next time you call me, I'll make sure that I give you a more zapped up response. Thank you. But this one was. Now would we know the person? We would. I don't want to put their Oh, it's a co-worker? It's somebody that is close in the vicinity. Yeah, why did Lewis answer the phone like that? I don't know why Lewis does that. It's not

Lewis. I'm not going to say who it is. I'm not going to say who it is. You're wearing. But it's somebody amongst us in our midst that answers me with a hello with a question mark. And I know you have my number in your phone and I have your number of my phone and everybody knows. But you answer me with a hello with a question mark like you don't know who I am. So my question is. It could be Rose. Are we friends? She can be awkward. No, it's not Rose. No, no. Buddy's good. I need to know if this person has my name in their phone.

Or if they don't. I do have an issue recently with my phone where I have saved numbers. I know I've gone through the process of saving them. I'll even say Matt Sullivan, who works for our program. Every time I get a text from him, it says maybe Matt Sullivan. I've saved his contact over and over and over again. My phone won't save it. I love the maybe.

And so if I get a phone call, they're never wrong. It doesn't always say that. On the text it'll say maybe. On the phone call, it won't. No, they're sometimes wrong. No. Never. Maybe it's this guy, Steve.

Yeah, maybe. But, but. Hello is a. Tony, please. I'm sorry. I'm with you completely. The hello. I think movies had it right forever ago.

Weird thing, because people in movies don't say hello. They just start talking when they pick the phone up. It is a weird way to acknowledge that the conversation is beginning. Before it's a hello with a question. Yes. People don't talk that way except on the phone. But as far as that goes, I'm surprised that you answer the phone. Do you answer the phone if you don't know who is calling you?

No. And that's the thing. It usually says spam likely or the new update on the iPhone won't even give me the call. It'll just send it straight to voicemail, spam, and then I'll open my phone. It's like, oh, you have this call. I look at it and it's from like some, you know, Dagestan number somewhere. And I'm like, okay, good thing they didn't call me. but I'm a big phone talker.

I like talking on the phone. Like, Dave, you call me, we'll talk. Right? Like, I'm not the guy. It's like, no, don't call me, text me. I'm out for that. No, I want to talk on the phone. I want to hear the tone of your voice.

I want to hear the tone of your gym. You can text me. Not interested in taking anybody's call, so much so, in fact, that the world at large knows, don't call me and expect me to answer the phone. My sister sent me a meme a couple of days ago that it said it laid out a hypothetical that for you get $1 billion if you can call somebody on your phone list. In a pitch and them actually pick up? And no, they don't pick up.

You get a million dollars. My sister said I would call you because I know you wouldn't answer. And I said, wrong. I've trained you to not call me for random casual conversation. So that means if I do see you calling me or our mother calling me, I know it's an emergency. and seeing somebody has died, so I must answer the phone. So I would answer the phone in that situation.

But otherwise, don't bother calling me to kibbitts. I'm a busy man, please. You were at a bar watching a game from six months ago. What are you talking about? Don't. You're busy. Give you a call and talk about the game. Come on.

Do you not, so Tony, if someone calls you, who you know, a friend, do you answer with hello or do you go right into? conversation. I've never answered the phone with hello, ever in my life. Hey, what's going on? What's up? What are we doing? Where are you at? I always answer hello. I always say hello. No, never. Spanish speakers don't say, Ola. What is the, what is the state? A lot of things. Dimele. Oigo, como tamo. Go okay. When it's a work call, that's what people would say yeah. When it's a work call, it's hey, whatever their name is, has it going. Hey, Jeremy, what's up? I always say hello.

Hey, Tony, what's up? That's how I answer work calls. I like how Mike answers the phone, because sometimes Mike answers the phone in the studio, and he's got to take a call and leave him and he goes, hey, it's Mike Ryan. That depends when I'm expecting a number, a call potentially from a number that I won't recognize,

so I self-identify. Usually the way that I answer the call is, hey, I can't talk right now. Text me. It's bad time. Hey, I'm going through a tunnel. When I was a kid, I used to answer the house phone with, hi.

squeaky voice I always used to and they would always respond Hi ma'am Hey ma'am I used to answer with high And my parents would get mad at me Like that's not how you

I've never heard anyone answer the phone There was nothing more emasculating Than answered That's like the high talker in sign phone And hello ma'am I want to talk to you about this cleaning product In your 20s when you think you're cool It's yo

You answer ring ring ring When you think you're cool What does that mean? Yo I answer yo I used to be a big yo guy Not anymore. Yo, what's up? Did you guys see this this morning?

Did you say that? You know, athletes, star players, some of them have nicknames. Okay? Nicknames are cool if you're an athlete, right? And apparently, Caleb Williams, quarterback for the Browns, he is trying to trade. Caleb Williams is not a quarterback for the Browns because I'd be a Browns fan. For the Bears. For the Bears, like I said.

Caleb Williams. Those Bears are Brown. Larry Zonka also. Quarterback for the Bears. He's trying to trademark his nickname. He wants to trademark the name Iceman. Oh, come on. Dave, did you see this?

George Gervin. The Iceman. I'm outraged. Yeah, go ahead. You saw this. I mean, listen, sports has an Iceman. It's not in question. How lacking in creativity are we as a society that this is where we've reached now?

this isn't the first time it's happened. Obviously, we have Aaron Rogers deciding to be A-Rod. We already have an A-Rod, man. And Lidney and Tomlinson, yep, I'm L-T now. No, no, we already have an L-T in your sport, man, and he was better than you, as good as you were. What are we doing? And by the way, this is a whole new layer of awful, because I don't even know if George Gervin can rightly say He might be the old, I don't think he's the OG Iceman because Iceman, I don't know when Iceman made the scene in Marvel Comics, but he's out there. And then, of course, you have Iceman Val Kilmer, Tom Cruise is Mavericks, Arch Nemesis in the skies. Who is the greatest Iceman of him all? I'll tell you one, who is it?

Caleb Williams, he's a thief. What is the most egregious stealing of nickname? Because I would tell you, if somebody says mellow, you can't be talking about. about La Mello Ball. No, it's Mello. Because people call the Mello Ball Mello. You're not Mello. You know who's another thief?

Bam, out of bio. Dwight Howard. Superman. You can't be Superman. Shack's Superman. Is that right? He's trying to take Superman? You remember when he did the dump guy?

He took off the thing and he had the Superman thing? Yeah, it's actually Dwight Howard. Not the Philippines, Dwight Howard. It's a whole thing. Which is Bamatabio. I also call myself King James. After the Bible? This is outrageous.

We have to put our foot down. We have to put our foot down as collectively. We can't allow this. Just like, well, well, yeah, but George Gervin played a couple of generations ago. So we can put that name back into the pipeline. No, we cannot. I've got a better nickname for Caleb Williams. There cannot be another mean Joe, can there?

Got one too. Look, when someone is clutch, they usually describe them as nails. Yes, that's it. What do we know about Caleb Williams outside of his, you know, he comes in through the clutch and he paints his nails. Nails, baby. He should be nails. Nails Williams.

He should be Nails Williams is a bad ass. Nails Williams. That's pretty dope. That's up Nails. That's not bad. Marvelous. He should drop the lawsuit and we should sue Caleb Williams because he's trying to make his nickname

the Iceman when his nickname should be Nails. But what if the nickname, like, is it okay if it's a different sport? Because Lenny. Lenny Dykesho is Nails. I think this one's fine. Wait, what do you mean? We can forget Lenny Dykeshire. No one can.

What are you doing? It's pretty unforgettable. Dave, though, outraged. Outrage. This one makes sense. He paints his name. We all park our cars in that garage. Dave, I'll call you about it later.

We'll talk. So, like I was saying before, Dave, which sweet 16 matchup you most looking forward to tonight? Michigan. I don't know. I don't give a good goddamn about that. I'm all about the chase, the final 10 games for the... People are missing out.

NBA, this, and NFL draft that. What you're missing is the home stretch of the regular season. Mike, you know I have one rule to live by, right? Don't place parlays on multiple long shots. Don't say a game is one when it hasn't hit triple zero. Always drink your Yeagermeister ice cold. That's the rule. Everything else is merely a suggestion.

Everything else? Everything else. wearing clean underwear every day. Well, that's just a personal decision. Brushing your teeth. Obviously smart, but not a rule. Never pee-pee on an electric fence. Okay, maybe there are two rules.

But the one that is 100% that I insist on completely, Yeagermeister must be drank ice cold. Or don't drink it at all. Damn, that's cold. Exactly. You're finally starting to get it. Drink responsibly. Yagermeister liqueur 35% alcohol by volume imported by mass Yeagermeister U.S. White Plains, New York.