The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Hour 1: Who MAGA Da Salad?

Episode Date: March 18, 2026

"Why can't we have civil wars anymore?" The crew is feeling the Jai as they prepare for their first-ever Jai Alaivestream later today. Then, Dan, Mike, Tony, Greg and Jeremy lead a conversation on the United States' potential intervention in Cuba. Chris and Zas? Notably absent. Roy gets a pass. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Many promotions are available both in-store and online, though some may vary. After 19 years, they're back. Frankie Munes, Brian Cranston, and the rest of the family reunite in Malcolm in the middle, life's still unfair. After 10 years avoiding them how and lowest demand Malcolm be at their anniversary party, pulling him straight back into their chaos. Malcolm in the middle, life's still unfair. A special four-part event, streaming April 10th on Hulu on Disney Plus. This is the Dan Levatar show with the Stucats podcast.

If I went throughout the entire history of our show and asked you guys to come up with a list of things that we have done that you have enjoyed the most for symbolic reasons or emotional reasons, something that we're doing this afternoon is a source of great pride just because of how wonderfully silly it is that we own a highlight team. and today we're going to in the year 2026 of our Lord broadcast a high-lid game to the nation with Mike Ryan and are they surprised guests? Chris Cody, do I want to mention the guests or do you want to surprise people with the randomness of some of your guests? Our head of scouting, Mike Flentes will be there. Our head of vibes, Ethan will be there. David Samson's going to be there. And also, yes, I will give away our lustrous guest list. the 2018 Miami Open champion, John Isner, will be joining us as well.

Go ahead and Google the ATP leader and Aces and see the lead that he has. It might be insurmountable. He knows Pailota. Eisner. Isner. I didn't say that. We are good. Eisner.

Yes, but we are doing a live, we secured the rights to today's game happening at the fronton at 3 o'clock Eastern. That's first toss. We'll be live at 2.45. and we'll be commentating on our team's game. They're playing the fireballs. You'll see all the big stars. What are you laughing about? What are you laughing about?

I'm not kidding you when I tell you. Why are you laughing about it? You almost died at the place. This is real. I am telling you, if you told me five years ago, Metal Arc Media is starting, do you think one of the things you'll be proudest of is that you own a highlight team

and you're going to be doing a guerrilla broadcast. With John Hizner. With John Hizner and other surprise. guest. And may Cody be there for you. You need this Cody. He's been on fire for two hours. Yeah, he might be tired by then, but we'd love to have you. Yeah, we've been talking about our highlight team for a long time, and it's based down here in Miami, and we want to engage our national audience and reintroduce this great game. You've heard the names of Manu, but have you seen Manu? And we're a few weeks away from the playoffs. This is the perfect time to dive in.

We're with a couple good outings this week. We're back at the top of the table. Tony and Greg Cody laughing at you guys. They don't know Pilota. No, no, I do love Pelota. Dad, you know about that chit-chat? I do. Mike says that we've talked about Manu for so long, and this is the experience of people.

Manu, sorry, for him to actually be seen. And I think it's just a funny visual. When you think of the powerful warrior that is Manu, and then you see him, and you're like, oh, he's the best back quarter in the world. Thank you. Yeah, and you see the power. Right.

It jumps off. You get to see legends like Nyaki and Hiro. as well as new players, former cyclones that have been reintroduced to our ecosystem in Bradley. Nobody throws the Pilota harder than Bradley. Your father is laughing at you. Your father is laughing at Chris Cody. It's all fun in games until you see The Undertaker. Somebody now is not invited to the playoffs.

This guy likes to laugh, and then as soon as the playoffs come around, he wants to show up. But nope, not invited. I might be there Friday night for the match. No, good, good. Yes. Yes, so if we turn you on to this sport during today's broadcast, we play again on. Friday and now with the working knowledge of what High Lie is all about, we hope that you come out and support the Cyclones on Friday.

It's free. It's at Casino, Miami, the Jam Arena, a brand new sparkling venue for our tremendous sport. The sound of this court. Yeah. I wanted the opportunity to show you what this sport is all about because many of you maybe don't know how to find this. Well, guess what?

You're watching us right now. You know exactly where to find this broadcast today. It's right here on our YouTube page. dot com slash at lebitard show will be live throughout the entire match and you will learn about the world's fastest game eyebrows protect the eyes by diverting rain and debris and sweat

so they're essentially a blockage for you you Greta and they protect your eyes You know what I've noticed recently? What was that? Greta? I think I might say Greta. Van Fleet? Up and called Wornburg. Did you just throw it to Greg Cody and refer to him by the old woman's name

because there's no way we're still making Greta. Not Greta Thernberg. Yeah, there's one that's particularly annoying. What? Those are Jeremy's words. Want to talk Cuba? I do actually.

I think I can do better. Let's do it. Take two. Greg wants to talk Cuba. I have this to say. If you're going to give any country freedom by force, it should be Cuba. Now, it's complicated, but when we invaded Venezuela and removed Madas, Maduro, extremely popular with the Venezuelan people, right?

I don't think the polls I've seen have them not liking the military force needed, but they like that Maduro is out. And so similarly, Cuba has suffered for years, for decades, for generations. I think they deserve their freedom. And I think I would support a military force in Cuba to give those people their freedom. And I don't often say that. I'm not a hawk. I hate that we invaded Iran, but I don't know.

With Cuba, I just think the people deserve it. I hope it doesn't come down to needing to take it by force. That would make me a little bit more out on it. I think Cuba is obviously super complicated. We've lived to see us grow out of our echo chamber down here, where what you said was met with universal praise, really. And now, as we've gotten further along from it, people are generally over the plight of the Cuban exile. They're over their outsized political influence

and socialism and what it does to one's economy is often viewed through that prism. And it becomes a standard bearer for what socialism is to both the right and to the left. And neither of those sides really do a good job of taking into account history. For those on the right, they view Cuba as proof positive that socialism doesn't work, whereas those on the left say socialism does work, and it would work if we're not for the U.S.'s crippling sanctions. And everyone talks about these sanctions in a vacuum when they totally overlook history, which was during the Cuban Missile Crisis, 90 miles away, weapons of mass destruction were potentially brought in by the world's greatest enemies. Now, I know America has a sort of past and present. But,

During the Cold War, I believe that we were the good guys, right? And the Soviets were knocking on our door. And I think a lot of people weighing in on this haven't spoken to somebody that was hiding under their desk doing a bomb drills. And all these crippling sanctions are a byproduct of our greatest enemies in the world threatening to use a land that was 90 miles away strategically to bring us closer to World War III than we've ever been. And if you think a developed Cuba wouldn't have been aligned with those very same enemies, I think you're playing yourself a little bit. It is a national security threat and the people are suffering. And right now the people that are left, who knows how many millions because people like to pick apart their population numbers.

They are victims in this. I think we should absolutely be allowing humanitarian aid in right now and the U.S. is blocking that. But they're also arguing that we're at the 11th hour here and this regime is. almost choked out. Let me be clear on something, okay, that island is starving. That is what's happening right now, and it's happening in a lot of places all over the world. And it's starving, at least in part, because of what, 70 years of U.S. sanctions and an embargo that made it impossible for that island to succeed under its government principles for all the reasons that Mike enumerated. You can't have that kind of threat 90 miles off of our shore while Greg

Cody's saying he needs to be hawkish here. He doesn't mind hawkish when hawkish isn't needed. loosen the sanctions, normalize the relations, help the actual suffering people, don't make it about politics. Help the actual people. You don't have to make it about, I'll take the country whenever I want and be flipping about it. I'd have the honor of taking that country. It's a starving island. We've helped it rot for 70 years because of how we've tightened the grip, understandably, in the name of keeping our shores safe. But those people don't have to starve.

It's worse there than it's ever been. It's been plenty bad for 70 years. is how do you ensure that the people actually getting what it is the humanitarian is getting sent over, right? Because for a long time, the government just takes whatever they want and then leaves the people with nothing. That's not necessarily true. I'd love to hear how that is. So tell me. Tony, things have gotten better at different points over the course.

Like, it is up and down. Their economic stability within the world economy has been at different stages. They haven't been at the very bottom the entire time. You look back 10, 15 years ago as sanctions were being lifted and the economy there got better. People had more. The Cuban leadership allowed humanitarian aid to come in and it affected the economy. Like, these things are true. And while, yes, obviously, like, there has been more going to the leadership than there has been going to the people.

Like there is a disparity. For 70 years. Yeah. But it stems from the very beginning, Tony, of this is a 70-year-old conflict that was from 70 years ago. And when the Soviet Union collapsed about 30 years ago, a lot of that changed and who the allies are and who is, quote, unquote, funding what. Every mission that the United States goes on with their intervention is under the guise of terror threat, weapons of mass destruction. all of these things. And with Cuba, it was the proximity. That was the scary part. Yeah, a very real thing. Yeah, it was. And at the same time, the United States had their nuclear weapons

in Turkey pointed at the Soviet Union. And both sides were able to come out of that saying they were the winner after the Cuban Missile Crisis. That's how it was all positioned. And so I'm not here saying that I care most about, like, and you guys do too, this place that we stand, all of us equally, is we care the most about the Cuban people being able to come out of this better off. I just don't have a lot of examples in the last 70 years where American intervention in a country has led to those people being better off. And be clear on this part, too. Cuba is suffering more than ever with blackouts right now, at least in part because of what we already did to Venezuela. We're randomly bombing boats without any proof of what it is we're doing. And look, Venezuela

was propping them up. I'd like to dissect. Jeremy said a lot there and a lot that I agree with. And I do think that the moment in time was for Obama to lift the sanctions when he did. Unfortunately, here in the United States, we voted for candidates that, at least in the first go-round, voted against that and reversing that, and we kind of have to live with that. And these are the consequences that we have to live with. I also, to a larger point, kind of am confused by those on the left that say leave Cuba alone, but also save them. You know, like, it's not, yes, it's America's fault that they're dying. Well, kind of, I see the point. that you're trying to make. But no, it's Cuba's government's fault. It's Cuba's government's

fault, and you're asking for America to rescue them. Intervene, but only intervene to a certain degree. Unfortunately, Obama's policies did not have the chance to survive. We are here right now. So what does this mean for the future? I think I speak for Tony. I know that there are people and the president does not help things, and I'm sure people are as skeptical as they should be. But, Tony, I don't know if I speak for you here. I want a sovereign and free Cuba. Absolutely. That's the end game. I don't want it to be part of the Florida Keys. I don't want it to be Moralago South. I want the people to be free. But you know that's what's going to happen, though. I fear that's what's going to happen. But here's the thing. Let's not be prisoners of the moment. The political pendulum swings in this country. As Obama's policies reverted to a hard line right, I think that the seeds of freedom, yes, it can be bastardized by this administration, no doubt. But this administration is not forever. At least we hope. No, but it's putting, you know, reported estimates of $3 billion in its pocket right now so that it doesn't have to honor an election in three years so that it can make Trump properties here and there as what will stand between us and the Freedom Tower over here is a plot of land that DeSantis has given Trump.

I would label this as hearsay but educated hearsay. It's what they've said themselves. It's not hearsay, it's say. Yeah, it's not a black and white issue. It's incredibly complicated. Folks, listen up, quick break in the action. Are you counting down the days until payday? Instacash from MoneyLine can help you access up to $500 of your hard-earned pay early.

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You know, you know that? that energy shift when the game gets good and everybody altogether in unison knows to stand up on their feet? Oh, absolutely, Mike. Yeah, you've been at many big time sporting events. You know that moment quite well. That's what it's like when you take your first sip of Cuervo. Oh, delicious. It's the signal that says, we're not checking the time anymore, pal.

It's when small talk turns into stories. Quervo, man, it's at high five a random stranger effect. That's right. The game is popping. You're hugging people you never met before. That's a kind of energy that Cuervo brings. It's so smooth, so delicious. That's the Cuervo effect.

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tout socialism, they overlook the atrocities of Fidel Castro. And you're being explained by someone in their 30s that Fidel Castro wasn't all that bad because he was friends with Nelson Mandela. You could be pro-socialism and we can have a discourse about that. that, but you'd need to acknowledge the atrocities that this dictatorship committed. And another thing is, I don't know how many millions of people are in Cuba. The numbers, like I said, often scrutinized. There is roughly, just in the tri-county area here of South Florida, 2.1 million people that were directly exiled by Cuba or second and third generation political exiles. Like myself,

I'm a second-generation exile. My dad had to leave. I would not overrequent. I would not overreesome. I would their input on this because many of them are hoping for a day they can go back to their homeland. And that's about a third of what is reported to be Cuba's population. Yes, you could fight for the people that are in their suffering right now, but you cannot overlook the suffering of the people that were forced to leave. And I do think that they should have input or at least help assist, be in an envoy of experienced Cuban-American leaders that can help these people and help reshape Cuba for the better.

I think that's an incredible point, right? And you would hope that this administration, the next administration, whenever it does and whoever it does fall on to make those judgment points. Well, that's an important one, Tony, because I don't trust. I don't trust that it's not going to just be the same. But you think that in two years it's going to happen? Happen to know, happen to know that this administration, I don't want the imaging for this because this is a serious thing.

But this administration has been preparing for this day and has made plenty of outreach to largely part of the administration. I'll give you that because most Cuban Americans and politics are conservative, but has made outreach to an envoy to help assist in this transition. And it's been reported widely, even though Cuba's present leader just bucked up against the United States taking this, especially by force. There is reported by reputable outlets that these two sides are talking. All right. This is something that has been in the works. It's why Donald Trump speaks about it so flippantly.

I do hope and pray that a Cuban American envoy can help reshape this land. I understand the skepticism. I am there with you. I don't trust these people, but I am not going to be so myopic to ignore the fact that Cuba is going to be here well after Donald Trump. And there is an opportunity here that is finally here that we've been talked about that many of us thought we would never see. to end this murderous regime. And I think people are right to celebrate that part. Certainly.

And I think it's an important part that Mike said about Diazcanan, bucking up. It's like that's what he has to do to posture to not just keep up to be like, oh, sorry, all right, Trump, like you can figure out whatever you want to do with the country. Like, it is what it is, but they can talk and back on behind the scenes.

But I think what Mike said is important. Having an envoy is having a transition team of people that are from the country, are people that have roots and family that have been there, have suffered, have gone through these atrocities and now can go back where a lot of the generation is not here, right?

Like my grandfather who fought in Bay of Pigs is not here anymore to see a free Cuba. I never thought that I would see a free Cuba. I thought that would be something for the next generation because things just didn't work that way. And the way that the dominoes have fallen on a world stage, you could say what you want about the Venezuelan boats being shot and whatever. That's, I agree, who knows what happened there. But to a narco dictator in Maduro, like everybody celebrates that he's no longer there. Talk to any Venezuelan, talk to anybody who's actually plugged in with boots on the ground and not seeing stuff from a U.S. federal level.

Like, they'll tell you, yeah, he was the worst or the worst. And now that he's not there to prop up Cuba anymore, yeah, they don't have anything, right? And that goes to play with the geopolitical world stage and all that. But what we're doing here is, like Mike said, opening the door to finally seeing something that we thought we would never see in our lifetimes. And now it's here. Now we've got to trust the process of this administration, the next administration. We have to see how it plays out. We can't just be like, no, it's Trump.

It's bad. We can't do it. Like, we got to see what happens. But doesn't Venezuela now have just one of Maduro's cronies stepping in as their leader? There's a power. Sure. Because Trump has made deals with them to just keep them in power because it's to his benefit. It's why. So isn't that what's going to happen here? Yes. Like that's, that's his strategy over and over again. For the time being. I understand. If we have a free and fair election, he's going to get slaughtered in the midterms. And this is a forever play. Yes. And look, Biden could have done something about. Absolutely. He could have reinstituted or he can even push it further than Obama did. He didn't.

Yeah, the back and forth pendulum. Because no, it's not, maybe he didn't care, but because geopolitically speaking, this is a moment in time where you capitalize. Like maybe, like I said, the time has come and gone. The U.S. sanctions were failing. Obama tried something different. Trump decided to nuke that. And here we are.

It is on, it is on its final legs. It's in hospice. Yes. It's in hospice care. right now. If you have the opportunity to overthrow a murderous dictator regime that often aligns itself with our mortal enemies that is 90 miles away that if it ever got back up on its feet, could easily reach out to those governments and have strategic military bases, put weapons of mass destruction right there. You take the opportunity to take them out. Let's please, though,

keep in mind that these people need an opportunity to reshape their own country. I don't want this to be a colonial. So this is my issue. I want self-determination for the Cuban people. I want people to have an opportunity to be able to put in the leadership that they want. And my concern is that if and when this happens and Trump is cutting side deals with people who are already in leadership in the Cuban government so that he can get real estate, that he can build up. And now there's somewhat of a lift of this sort of travel ban and this sort of sanction on this so they can spin it into a PR win over there, but ultimately it's the exact same thing. And there might be a brief bump in the living situations for the people who are in Cuba, but they don't get an opportunity to determine what

their leadership looks like in the future. To me, there is a stronger strategy to that. It's the one that started 15 years ago. And I understand the position that we're in. But the reason things have gotten particularly dire and desperate over the last several months is a direct result of the people that you guys are now trusting to handle this all correctly. I don't, I don't, I don't, I, I, I, I I really want to stop everybody on trust, okay? This is a desperate, desperate time. Sorry, asking? It's a desperate time.

Like, I don't know what you guys think the end of times look like, but starving islands are on it when you got, everybody's got the money and some people don't have electricity and power, and we have the nukes and we bomb the boats and we tell you if there are knocks on them or not. We're long past the point of trust on what's happening with this administration, okay? Their motives are not good in any way. that family will get rich off of this as it's gotten rich off of government in a way no one's ever gotten rich off of government and this is only with him needing to get into government to cancel all of the crimes against him that can now not be punished as he weaponizes the government

and tries to be the king of the United States while behaving like a king and taking freedom wherever it is he wants to because the island is rotting like we can sit here and talk all around it but there are people starving and dying on that island because they don't have anything, and now they've got less than that because we took away their oil. Like Venezuela was their oil, and we took that from them. So this is the worst that it's been in our lifetime on that island, and it's been plenty bad for 30 years. But Cody had something to say about this, and he got lost, and all I saw on his face was that somebody said Biden, and he wanted to say Scrant.

I did want to say Scrant, but I didn't think it fit. Scrantl. You had thoughts here. Come on, man. Okay, my thought at the beginning is my thought right now. Maybe I didn't say it as well as I should have. I think democracy and freedom in Cuba is essential for the people who are starving. And I think if it takes U.S. intervention for that, and that's not like me.

That's not like me to say, I think we should invade. I'm just saying there's no reason not to think that in a year it's not going to be Trump casinos being built under someone else in the Castro regime because that's the deal that got struck. I understand lamenting that. But there's nothing we can do about that. we have to hope for the best. And if we don't like the direction that it's heading and if we want to reverse it, we do what the American people have done for the last 20 years, decide I don't like how that's going. And we say what we mean with our votes. And we reshape that. It's an incredible opportunity here to do away with this regime. It is a heartbreaking situation. It is complicated. People make

sound arguments on both sides. But we're here now. And it's making the most of it. And while I also fear the very same corruption and real estate deals and Moralago South that you all do, I am hopeful that we can change the power dynamic in this country and make those people realize that that country is their own and it can be whatever they wanted to be. And we're going to have to be okay with whatever they wanted to be too. I thought David Sampson was better on this subject yesterday. I mean, I, I, did Jeremy indeed call Greg Cody by an old woman's name? There are essentially a blockage for you, Greta. Yeah.

Damn. Yeah. Was it Greta or Grady? No, it was Greta. There are essentially a blockage for you, Greta. Greta. Greta. Greta.

Like, JJ Reddick? She got scared at the end. Like, cheese. Let's hear it again. They're essentially a blockage for you, Greta. Yeah. It's Greta. It's Greta.

It's Greta. It's Greta. A light tasing. Greta Garbo. This is not going to play well in my arbitration case. They're essentially a blockage for you, Greta. I also thought that Tony made it on voice instead of on voice. I just thought maybe you thought it would make sense if we sent over an on voice,

like somebody to be a voice for the people. No, that's the invoice that you have to send me. This is very dangerous. We are putting ourselves out there. This is a losing topic for us. I've seen the comments. People accuse us of being MAGA. People accuse us.

I don't care about that. These people don't understand the plight that we've gone through. Like, that doesn't matter to me. Zaz, you need to back up, by the way. I want to hear Zaz's dance. Yeah, Zaz, you say enough. But I'm learning this for the first time. I thought Zaz, based on his love of fun Latin players,

was going to beat Teal Zaz today. I was thinking about it. I was really swept up in it last night. I did not know. People think that that's going to get aggregated to me, that I'm MAGA? Dude. For what?

People are. People are over the Cuban exile shit. I learned this in the 20 teens where all of a sudden the world changed around me and the rest of America doesn't even care to educate themselves on what actually happened there. They formulated their opinions and that's that. It is hard to explain the plight of the Cuban exile to people. Some people don't have time for it. Like I said, this is not a black and white issue.

There is loads of gray area here. But one thing that should be irrefutable and disappoints me at every turn, it should be consensus. Fidel Castro was a bad guy. Very bad. You can cherry pick Nelson Mandela all you want. You can lift up the virtues of socioeconomics all you want. The guy tortured political enemies. He was a murderer.

He silenced voices. He oppressed his people. oppression that every leader that's followed has continued right now. Yes, the sanctions are partly to blame, largely to blame. But this has all happened on that government's watch. They are a monstrous regime. And they have long been super dangerous to this country, even when we kind of knew when we were the good guys.

So please let this play out, hope for the best. And if it starts turning in a way that you don't like, vote for change. I'll move off of this subject. in just a second. I didn't realize that people had tired of it and I can't particularly care that people have tired of it given how, you know, obviously personal and emotional this one is to me

because my grandparents died without seeing Cuba be free and my parents consider themselves Americans first. They're proud to be in this country and they don't consider themselves Cuban. They consider themselves American because of the opportunities that have been offered by this country.

Cuba has been great at education and social medicine while we've strangled a Fidel Castro who came into power and was controversial, at least in part because of how he cited with black people. This isn't black and white. It's black and white and brown and it's all of the garbage. It's all of it because there are plenty of people who can make the arguments on behalf of what Fidel Castro was trying to revolutionize when he became what I've always called our Hitler. Like that's an emotional one. And once I say our Hitler, obviously Cubans just want that eradicated and it almost doesn't matter the cost. It doesn't matter

the displacement. It doesn't matter the lack of freedom. It doesn't matter the trampling of democracy. It starts emotionally there with get rid of everything that person represents and there's no discussion to be had after that. Yeah, I want to seize on the universal health care and how people tout that and look, that can certainly be refuted. America at large is confused and angry at mega conservative Cubans a total dismissal of socialism, people need to understand that through those socioeconomic programs like subsidized housing, universal health care, and education, that regime would advance their cause and propagandize their cause. I have spent numerous days trying to learn why Miami is so weird and it's not just Cubans. It is people that have

come from parts of Central America, South America, that have had their own dictatorships that feel the very same way about things that in a vacuum are pretty good. Everybody should have health care. And the reason is these tyrants have often used that as the Trojan horse to oppress their people. Like I said, it's an onion, it's complicated, it's not as simple as subsidized housing and universal health care good when evil people use it to advance their means. It's never too early to plan your summer story in Europe with WestJet, from rolling countryside to cobblestone streets. Begin your next chapter.

Book your seat at westjet.com or call your travel agent. WestJet, where your story takes off. Don Lebatard. It's all about me. Stugats. Wee. This is the Dan Lebatar show with the Stugats. Greg Cody's feuding with Damashak.

Why? Wow, that was a jarring change. Better than my LeBron transition? Yeah, probably. What wouldn't be? Yeah, Dam Ashik. Damn Eshach. He's stealing all my material.

I'm told he's now doing back in my days as back in my daves. It's damn good. He stole my, I should have been the one to voice the, what do you my call it? Go ahead. I wouldn't let you find it. No, the looks like, the looks like content. Come on, help him. Who made it a salad? Yeah. And his voice is on that now.

He still, did anybody at the show have the courtesy to tell me that I wouldn't be voicing that this year? No, it must have been an oversight. A 10-day cruise. All of a sudden, I hear. You're in Tortorella. I hear, I was. John? Yeah, and it was impossible to do that well ahead of time.

Well, Dave's only doing your material because you're not doing your material. That's not true, Roy Bellamy. That's not true. That's not true. I've come back like a monster in 2020. I did a B-I-M-D in January. I did a B-I-M-D in February. I plan to do a B-M-I-D in March,

although Dameshack's intrusion may call that into question. I'm just saying, what's next? Is Damashchak going to host the next episode of the Greg Cody show? I mean, he's intruding on my territory here, and I got to say, I'm about to declare war. It's B-M-I-D. That's the phrase you want to use after everything. He said he was a hawk.

Yeah, he said he's a hawk. Yeah, back in my day, it's called BIMD. Everybody knows that. I know. Bimmed. No, you were saying go to war with Damashek, and I was asking you, that's the phrase you want to use. Well, you know, go to civil war. That's what I'm doing.

It's a civil war. Why can't we have civil wars anymore? And I don't mean countrymen against countrymen. I mean civility. Very good. Why can't we have civil war anymore? Who's maga de Salas? Yeah, I meant a war wrapped in civility, not weaponry.

And that's what I'm declaring on... Who did maga the salad? Who made it a salad? No, who magged the salad? Who did that? Oh, no, no, no. Don't say that. I can't believe... What was that?

What was that? I didn't know what I liked it. No. I was grumbling, gruff. Sweating in here. Lovetard show doesn't pay its election... It is toasty. Spread the news.

Can you get me the Damashek soaked looks like so that I can update today the parts of the tournament that I have not updated because I have been remiss and not doing that. But Zaz has some details that are trickling in on the WNBA negotiations because overnight, 3 a.m., everything was settled. There's going to be a season in 50 days, and you can't comment on it intelligently unless you know some of the details on the percentages. Not the spin from both sides on who won, but what the percentages are on labor, because. when they were talking 14, 15% of revenue, we were talking about shittier salaries than those in the UFC. So what are the details on what we got here? So I'll give you the new numbers and then for context what the old number used to be. The salary cap is going to start at $7 million when last year it was $1.5 million.

The supermax for players will be $1.4 million. It used to be just under $250,000. The average salary is going to be around $600,000. It used to be $120,000. The minimum salary is going to be over $300,000. It used to be $66,000. That to me is huge. And the average revenue share across the entire length of the deal is going to be almost 20%.

So that means the players got it up from 14 or 15% to 20%. Well, and you remember Trista the other day said that the number has to be like in the low 20%. Yeah, and so I think this is actually, from what I know so far, and I'd have to read more about it, because those numbers can skew, right? Of course, they're going to improve all the salaries. The league has exploded, and it's exploded by a factor of more than 10. Their revenues have exploded by factors that are bigger than that minimum coming up from 60 to 300,000. So forgive me if I need to read a little bit more about this to sort of figure out who won and who lost, because some of these details have been kept private overnight. And now the spinning, begin, so I'd like to know where the facts are on this because they just rescued a giant revenue stream, but I doubt very much, it's just straight compromise. Everybody's like, hey, you're good, we're good, and they met at the halfway point. I'm guessing somebody lost here. I'd like to know who it is that lost, whether it was the owners of the players. Or who won? I don't want to know. I don't want to know. Well, I guess I could spin the positive in making it

about who won, and so on and so forth. Yeah, that'd be nice for once. Friday, 10.10 p.m. out west, the most unfair game of the entire tournament. The number seven Miami Hurricanes who are having, they're the best regular season they've ever had, record-wise. They have to go and play in St. Louis at Missouri, and Miami is represented by... Jim Rome looks like the guy who regularly takes practice golf swings in his office. All right, I like our squad. That is a good squad going up against Missouri. are you afraid of this is a 10 seed?

Andy Reid looks like the guy on the bowling team that everyone calls old twinkle toes. I'm not afraid. Playbooks out there on how to beat them. It is in Missouri, though. That is a pretty good one, though. Old twinkle toes is dangerous. Home court advantage for old Andy.

Yeah. Texas Tech is a 5 seed. That's a good basketball team represented by... Jalen Brunson looks like the valet driver who lost your keys. That's happened to me with someone who looked suspiciously like More like Jalen Brunson than any other athlete I've ever met.

Akron is the opponent against Texas Tech represented by... Tom Fibito looks like the 64th person killed by Liam Neeson in the movie Taken. He's at a table. No, that's good. I like it more than most. Heavily guarded. We haven't introduced this one seed, Arizona. This is a one seed and this is a killer. Jonathan Zaslow looks like an off-duty mime.

That's the number one overall seat. It's your big eye ahead. Duke is the number one overall seat, so this is A1 seed, but Jeremy's saying that's the best one we have. That's against 16-seated Long Island, which is represented by... Drake May looks like he's totally sick at Hackysack. That could be an upset. They could cover. I just said that's the best one overall, but holy cow.

Virginia is a three-seat is represented by... Bill Plashke looks like he's the father of Jonathan Zaslov. How is that not a one seed? Wow. They had a great tournament, too. That's a good thing when he's coughing. I mean, he thought it was funny. That's hilarious.

Perkins! Oh, man. You have noticed, right, that the cough most often makes an appearance when he's laughing. It's actively unhealthy for us to make him laugh because that's when you cough the most. Yeah. This show's killing me. Virginia and Bill Plashky as Zaz's dad is going to be hard to beat for anybody. 14-seated right state is going to try to do it, though.

Cow Raleigh looks like a likable dad who started a YouTube cooking channel. Sharing easy crockpot recipes you can make it home. Should be easy for Bill. Number four, Alabama, which had a player suspended or arrested for 2.1 pounds of marijuana. Aidan Holloway is his name. Is that a lot of marijuana? I ask because it's a felony charge. How much? Say it again?

2.1 pounds of marijuana. I'm not familiar with the measurements here, but I did reach out to somebody on the cost. What do you guys think that would cost? 16 pounds in an ounce? I think it's probably maybe like 8,500, some around that. 16 pounds in an ounce. 16 ounces in a pound. Half two.

Somewhere around 8500. If you're breaking it down, you can get a half ounce I've heard for like about like 120. You heard that? Should we call your math friends? I'm going based on numbers from like 25 years ago. Math friends. It sounds like Dan's got drug friends. It's four grand what that costs. For whom?

Four grand. Is that wholesale price? Do you get it straight from the plug? Dude was making a lot of NIO money. He's just pushing for the love of the game. When I heard that amount, I'm like, what if you're just the guy who does it for your team? Does it for everybody? What if you're like, is 4,000 a lot for a professional team?

Do you think Durant has that much? Do you think Durant has that much in his house? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So we're going to arrest him on a felony charge? Yeah. He's not driving with it.

Yeah. I mean, is that illegal to have that in your home? Nark. I'm just thinking that it's the amount that's the felony charge. I think the intent to sell is the charge now. But they tie that to the amount you have, which is no one person can smoke two pounds, so you must be distributing. That's why they kind of rope that in.

You say that. But if I say that amount for a team, you shrug, do you not? Yeah. If I'm saying he's just, he's their guy. He's the guy who gets it. You're saying he's the plug. I'm asking you, look, we're at this point we assume with marijuana, right? I mean, I asked Baron Davis this years ago, he said 80% of the league smoke.

We're assuming now that guys are regularly playing high, correct? Yes? We're assuming that guys are regularly playing high or not? I don't assume that. You don't? No. In the NBA, I'd say more than college. Playing high is kind of nuts.

You think? Yeah. You don't think, as much as Kevin Durant is smoking all the time, you don't think he's baked all the time for two decades? No, I think come game time he's locked in. You really think that? There's some guys. I don't think that.

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Always drink your Yeagermeister ice cold. That's the rule. Everything else is merely a suggestion. Everything else? Everything else. Wearing clean underwear every day? Well, that's just a personal decision. Brushing your teeth?

Obviously smart, but not a rule. Never pee-pee on an electric fence. Okay, maybe there are two rules. But the one that is 100% that I insist on completely, Yeagermeister must be drank ice cold. Or don't drink it at all. Damn, that's cold. Exactly.

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