The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Hour 2: Ahoy, It's Captain Slappy! (feat. Martin Baron)

Episode Date: March 13, 2025

"Is this Chum Bucket?" Martin Baron is one of the country's most distinguished journalists, and he's here to answer our show's most important questions. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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The tequila that invented tequila. Proximo, cuervo.com, please drink responsibly. Cuervo. This is the Dan Lebatard Show with the StuGuts Podcast. This episode of the Dan Lebatard Show with StuGuts is sponsored by DraftKings. Cass! Is this Chum Bucket? No, it's not Chum Bucket, it's Captain Slappy. Oh, I'm sorry, you said that already. Aye! I'm live from Pump Land. This is one of those guys who created that National Pirate Day, Stu Gott.

But this isn't, no! International talk like a pirate day. No, yeah, I'm sorry. Get it right there. So how do you feel about pirates being in the news? What's your name, Captain Slappy? Aye, it's Captain Slappy. Yes, I am Captain Slappy. Okay, I'm sorry I forgot.

I know you mentioned that already. So what, how do you feel about pirates being in the news so much, Captain Slappy? Well, I'm happy for it because it sells books. He's an entrepreneur. This is not the kind of pirate I wanted on the line. HAHAHAHA! It's the kind of pirate you ended up with. It really is. It's really the kind of crappy pirate our show deserves, to be honest with you.

It's the kind of pirate you deserve. I want a Somali pirate. Alright, Captain Slappy. Thank you for being always so accessible See show hasn't changed I'm glad we emptied that hot start to that clip Start of that clip, please one time you have a pirate already Mike. Whoa, what do you mean? You have a pirate already? All right, who's on the air here? Is this chum bucket It's not great not great listen You call them chum bucket again later in the cut. Dad only knows one pirate.

Who is chum bucket? It's the only pirate that we had on talk. It's a different pirate. We're about to have on, I think I can say this, the best boss I have ever had. I don't know how many of you saw the film. I do believe I'm offended by that. The film spotlight on the investigative work that the the Pulitzer Prize winning work that

the Boston Globe did on the Catholic Church. He was the executive editor of the Boston Globe then and for about a decade was the executive editor of the Washington Post as well, and has won a number of Pulitzer Prizes and wrote something here recently for The Atlantic that I want to discuss with him because I was a little surprised that he wrote it. Did something happen with the Catholic Church? Thank you. I mean, I appreciate all your help on that subject.

Yes, it's all that matters that Fuentes was laughing in the other room. That's great, that's what I'm going for there with, yeah, child church sex scandals. What? I mean, you have gone too far. Okay, there, it's not the way to discuss that. And I'm fine with that being a punishment for you for an entire week, that all you have to do

is produce the names of baseball players in a pirate accent. I'm surprised Catholic to our core, Jessica didn't chime in there. Sorry, I was finishing my Kevin waffle that I was gonna try and eat during the break. Closing loop. What is the real name of Kevin Bacon? Is Bacon his actual last name?

Did we ever, I don't think we ever discussed that yesterday. It's probably like Bacone or something like that. I don't know if his name is actually Bacon. The last thing I heard was Chris's John Skipper impression. Please, someone tell me what happened. I saw by the poll, did someone disparage the name of Kevin Bacon in terms of his star? He has an entire game named after him.

Believe Amin called him Jamal McGlore. It was offensive. What happened yesterday was offensive. It was blasphemous to the career of Kevin Bacon. named after him. Believe Amin called him Jamal McGlure. It was offensive. What happened yesterday was offensive. It was blasphemous to the career of Kevin Bacon. It was blasphemous to Tracy McGrady, who you guys try to compare him to.

I think that's what the poll results came out and said that he was TMAC. So anyways, I was willing to offend John Skipper, the CEO of MetalArc, because I do believe this is the best boss I ever had. Marty Barron, as I told you, when he was at the Miami Herald, was the executive editor during a golden newspaper time, and then parlayed that into a career

at the New York Times and Washington Post that was at the top of making award-winning journalism deserved. And in the Atlantic, you have written a piece where Jeff Bezos went wrong with the Washington Post. Marty, it's good seeing you after all these years alone but a very long time down the look of good

uh... likewise sir thank you i was a difficult for you to write this because uh... it's you must be fascinated but what by what is happening in america and the way that journalism continues to be clubbed over the head so that the place that you used to work and cherish and value gets compromised because its billionaire owner wants to be in bed with the money well it was hard to write i mean uh... as you know what what i was at the at the washington post uh... jim pezzas was a really good on our gave us our independence uh... he supported us he defended us against Donald Trump,

all the threats that he received of reprisals and all of that. He stood behind us. So it was difficult for me to write now that I've become incredibly, well, more than disappointed. I've gone from disappointment to disillusionment to indignation really over what's happening there. And so, yeah, it was hard for me to write. to indignation really over what's happening there.

And so, yeah, it was hard for me to write and I've been very concerned about the direction of things at the post. I should say, by the way, Dan, that the news reporting is really good. The news department, as you know, is separate from the opinion department. Bezos has not interfered at all in the news coverage as far as I can tell.

I've heard nothing of the sort. And every day they're producing one scoop after the next and telling the public what it needs to know about their government. Can you take us through the corridors of power here on how it is that you get separated from the owner here? And like I said, you are an old time journalism newspaper man. You writing this has to come from a place of indignation

because I don't think you've ever expressed ideas like this publicly, have you? Well, only in the last several weeks where I've been very disappointed, I started commenting just before the election last year when the Washington Post, when Jeff Bezos made the decision to kill an editorial endorsing Kamala Harris for president.

They had been endorsing for president consistently since 1976 with only one exception when George Bush and Michael Dukakis were the candidates. And so I felt that was the wrong decision. It came only 11 days before the election itself. I think it was a demonstration of fear on Bezos' part about reprisals from Donald Trump. I described it then in a tweet as cowardly and spineless. And since then, there have been a number of steps

that Jeff Bezos has taken that caused me a lot of concern. Amazon making a million dollar donation to the inauguration. Bezos making a pilgrimage to Mar-a-Lago at that dinner, having conversation with Melania Trump about this supposed documentary that would be made about her life, for which she herself would be the executive producer. Amazon, two weeks later paying forty million dollars for that the rights to that so-called documentary

Three times the amount of the next highest bidder Bezos appearing on the dais during the inauguration as if he were a trophy for Donald Trump along with all the other tech tech executives along with all the other tech executives, subsequently making a decision that the opinion pages would only include opinions that were consistent with his own, as he described it as personal liberties and free markets. Essentially a libertarian philosophy, it sounds like, although he did not explain it in any detail whatsoever.

And so it's been one thing after the next, and I've been very concerned about it. In fact, Amazon most recently reached an agreement to purchase the rights to Donald Trump's old TV show called The Apprentice, and I'm sure that Donald, undoubtedly Donald Trump will be receiving a portion of that. In 2023, you authored the book Collision of Power, Trump Bezos and the Washington Post.

In 2018, Bezos spoke out forcefully and eloquently against Trump's assault on the press. Quote, if you're the president of the United States or a governor of a state or whatever, you don't take that job thinking you're not going to get scrutinized. You're going to get scrutinized and it's healthy. It's dangerous to call the media lowlifes. It's dangerous to say that they're the enemy of the people." End quote. What changed? Fear, I think. You know, I can't get into his head, but I think that's really what's happened. Is that, you know, Trump during the campaign said that he would be people's retribution. He talked about seeking vengeance on his perceived political enemies.

Bezos had always been seen as a, perceived as a political enemy for one reason, one reason only. And that was the coverage on the editorials of the Washington Post. And so I think he was concerned that if Trump got back into power, that he would deny Amazon contracts that it has with the federal government. It has an enormous number of contracts with the federal government, particularly for cloud computing services. And also his commercial space venture, Blue Origin, was really at an inflection point.

As you know, a couple of weeks ago, it finally successfully launched a rocket into space and it was hoping to be in a position of competing directly with SpaceX. Well, SpaceX is owned by Elon Musk. Elon Musk, certainly after the election, was practically was camped out at Mar-a-Lago, and now is camped out at the White House basically,

and has more power in this government than probably anybody but Donald Trump himself. So I think it's fear that he would, that it would have a very damaging impact on Amazon's business and the business of Blue Origin, both of which depend to a large degree on contracts with the federal government. The film Spotlight was based off of some of the

fantastic investigative journalism done in your newsroom on the Catholic Church sexual abuse scandal and famously Liv Schreiber actually played you in the film. I know you're a very serious man, but how would you grade his performance of you in that film? I'm not always serious. That movie has left me with a reputation

as being someone who has no sense of humor whatsoever. So I've been working diligently since then to try to. That's a weird one for them. And you know, you're not helping here by saying. In any event, look, I was very happy with the movie. First of all, I got to be portrayed by someone who is an excellent actor, but also is taller, more fit and better looking than I am,

so that when people hear my name, they think of him, and I'm totally fine with that. So, but I think more importantly than that, I think it was a great movie. It sent a really important message, I think, about the need to have investigative reporting, about how hard it is to do investigative reporting correctly, about the need for news organizations to commit themselves to doing this kind of work,

and that the public really values that on our part. And also, I think a very important message that it's important for the press and everyone really in our society to listen to people who don't have power because they often have very powerful things to say. And we finally gave voice to the survivors of abuse who had been victimized by clergy and whose those cases had been covered up for decades by the church.

And finally they were able to achieve accountability because of the work of the Boston Globe. Marty, I'm curious how much of Bezos' pivot is literally just a survival of the moment, meaning that this Trump regime is gonna end at some point. Is it possible he'll pivot back to what he was before, or do you think this is just the new Jeff Bezos and this is how he does business?

Yeah, well, that's a good question. I think, well, obviously we'll have to wait and see. I think that my sense is that it is a survival technique that he is trying to navigate a really difficult situation. I mean, of course, you know, he's still executive chairman of Amazon. He does have a fiduciary responsibility

to that publicly owned, publicly traded company. He also wants to see Blue Origin get off the ground, literally, and figuratively. And so he wants to stay, I believe he wants to stay out of Trump's crosshairs. I don't think this makes him necessarily an ally of Donald Trump, really. I don't put him in that category, but I think he wants to stay. He wants to not antagonize him. Basically don't poke the bear. And I think that was evident with the decision not to run the editorial endorsement last year,

last November. Don't poke the bear. Why antagonize him if it's not really necessary and it's not required for a news organization to run an editorial endorsement anyway. And so so he rationalized that decision. I don't think, you know, the idea of independence was really the reason for the editorial they'd run an editorial of endorsing. Well, they endorsed Hillary

Clinton in 2016. They endorsed Joe Biden in 2020. Those editorials were sharply critical of Donald Trump. Baseless didn't object to those editorials. He knew that they were coming. He praised the editorial page editor at the time profusely. And, but now I think he just doesn't want to poke the bear. He doesn't want to antagonize Donald Trump. And he's looking for ways to stay on his good side.

And so, yeah, I would put it in the category of a survival technique. Donald Trump and he's looking for ways to stay on his good side. And so, yeah, I would put it in the category of survival technique. The problem is the survival technique is doing damage to the reputation of the Washington Post. It's undermining its credibility. It makes it appear that it's not independent. It's causing hundreds of thousands of subscribers to abandon their subscriptions. And that's's I think deeply

concerning and my worry is that he's prioritizing his other business interests over the business interests of the Washington Post and more importantly the principles of the Washington Post. Marty to put the sharpest possible point on this you have spent your career dedicating yourself to the right things in journalism when the owner of your newspaper is compromised by business interests so much that he affects how the news is told I would assume that that offends your core principles on what your identity has been for half a century right well I've always known you Dan to put the sharpest possible point on things. So, and it does offend my principles. It does offend, more importantly, it offends the principles of the Washington Post. You know, there are the principles of the Washington Post date back to

1935. They're fixed to the wall as you walk into the newsroom of the Washington Post. The first principle is to tell the truth as nearly as the truth may be ascertained. And then there's principle number five, which says that, you know, this, you know, that you're supposed to serve the public and not the interests of the individual of the owner of the commercial interests of the of the owner. So I worry when it appears that the owner is prioritizing his other commercial interests over the over the core principles and the core mission of the Washington Post. And by the

way, I mean, the core principle is is articulated quite well in the motto of the Washington Post, but what Bezos himself has called a mission statement, not a motto, which is democracy dies in darkness. And that means that this news organization ought to stand up for democracy in every possible way. Most recently, you know, with this decision not to run a wide range of opinions and in its opinion pages, in its opinion section digitally,

to me is fundamentally undemocratic. You know, the core principle, the fundamental principle of a democracy is free expression. And newspapers like the Post have traditionally honored free expression by allowing a wide range of opinions on their opinion pages and in their opinion section. And to sort of say that really the only opinions that will be allowed here, that will be welcomed here

are opinions that are like mine,, that will be welcomed here, are opinions that are like mine, I think is fundamentally undemocratic. Mr. Barron, we have all sorts of questions for you. Two rooted in journalism, as you know, that better than almost anyone. And another one, just personality, a character judgment, as someone that oversaw Dan. Recently we discovered that Dan's been a shit-stirrer for the entire time of this radio show. I'm wondering, has he always been a shit-stirrer?

I think there's a simple answer to that, and the answer is yes. Cool, now we have a couple of journalism questions. There we go, now that we've established that. Do you think that it is journalistically responsible to take a story about Aaron Echblad testing positive for PEDs, then play a several years old clip of Chael Sonnen alleging that LeBron James did PEDs, to Dan making that an entire show topic, is LeBron on PEDs?

Is that journalistically responsible? Well, as Dan well knows, you're taking me down a lane that I know nothing about. So I think I'm gonna pass on that question. Yes. Do we have the video of Dan being in the draw? That's a victory for me. That's a victory for me.

How about this? How about a man who ostensibly covers a team in the local market, donning its jersey. And you're watching journalism die right here in front of you. Not in darkness, but in front of 20 thousand people. In the lights of a champion, in the glorious lights of a champion.

Marty, thank you for being on with us. I do want to have one more journalism question is it appropriate for a courtside reporter to give a fist bump after successfully interviewing Tyler hero after a big game in a heat win is that the proper reaction for just doing journalism yeah I think you've answered your own question here so Marty finally it's nice to see you. One last question. Is this a slurp?

Is that a slurp? I'm beginning to feel like I'm back in the newsroom with you again. We just reported the news. I thought I had left this world, but I am back in it. Marty, it was lovely seeing you. And I haven't told you nearly enough recently. Giant admirer of all your work, even post-Miami Herald, which was somehow better than the work at the Miami Herald.

Thank you, sir, for being on with us. Thank you. Thank you, Dan. Thank you, everyone. This is a message from sponsor Intuit Turbo Tax. Guys, Taxes was dealing with piles of paperwork and frustrating forms and then waiting and wondering and worrying if you're going to get any money back. Now, Taxes is easily uploading your forms to a TurboTax expert who's matched to your

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NetSuite helps you meet today's challenges and seize tomorrow's opportunities. Speaking of opportunity, download the CFO's Guide to AI and Machine Learning at netsuite.com slash dlb. The guide is free to you at netsuite.com slash dlb. netsuite.com slash dlb. Yeah, sure thing. Hey, you sold that car yet? Yeah, sold it to Carvana. Oh, I thought you were selling to that guy.

The guy who wanted to pay me in foreign currency, no interest, over 36 months? Yeah, no. Carvana gave me an offer in minutes, picked it up and paid me on the spot. It was so convenient. Just like that? Yeah.

No hassle? None. That is super convenient. Sell your car to Carvana and swap hassle for convenience. Pick up these man ply. Don Lebatard. We have a photo right here. If you can see in this photo with my daughter there, I'm pointing exactly to the point on the Stanley Cup where it says you suck ass. Stugats. Right there. They got it engraved right there. It says Chris

Whittingham sucks ass. This is the Don Lebatar show with the Stugats. Dan, you should have totally said, is this Chumbugget? Is this Chumbugget? Dude, there was a point in the middle of that, Dan, where Jerry May and I were putting in the nuclear launch codes of him just jumping in the middle and saying, Josh Hart! And then I waved him off because I said, quote, I don't think we can actually have fun with this one. A nice dry interview gives us balance. And you were right.

Is that a slurp? Wittingham is mad at us. Yes he should be. I don't blame him. He did it. He did do it. He did do it. He denied doing it. We seized on it.

But he denied doing it. I think that's key here. Have you ever been like, yeah, I had a little bit of drool in my mouth? Cover up all was worse than the crime. He did it to himself. I owned the fist pump. You haven't really. You were embarrassed by it.

I mean, I am embarrassed by it. But you haven't confirmed the root source of it for sure. We don't know if it's a game winner, if it's a success. No, the root source is pride in myself. Because like I said yesterday, I'm conceited. I could watch this video of Jeremy fist bumping all day. He actually looks pretty cool doing it. I know I do.

I don't know how you guys turned this thing. Because it's a moment of vulnerability. That's all. He looks so dorky. What are you talking about? He looks kind of cool. I'm in a cool suit. It's cool he's on the court at a basketball game.

You have a cool job. No, he then just moves down to the top button on the suit. I mean, he is a big... And I'm handsome and I'm eloquent. It is a baseball closer after retiring the sack. Is there a leg kick there? Are you just texting, repeating the affirmations your wife is texting you?

I'm going to therapy later, and my therapist is gonna be really happy that I said these things on the air. Hey, that test was great. Thanks. The thing about that walk is, is it is exactly how I would do it if I was acting, if I was asking an actor

to produce something that would make that actor self-conscious if it were seen by others, because he's feeling a little too good about himself, a little too cheery, a little too positive about having done a job well that involves asking tall person. You can notice at the end of the video, I'm so happy with myself and so full of charisma

that I'm going to unbutton the button on the suit jacket. Like I'm letting loose, it's time to be good to go. I did my job, job complete, job well done, fist pump. That looks like someone who's about to put potato chip fingers in his mouth, pleased with himself unbuttoning the jacket because he's happy about the job well done. I earned my salt and vinegar earned.

Pirate. It's reward, a little bit of a reward there. His bounty. Salt and vinegar. Grrrr. Make all the blooms. You wanna be careful there. I know, complicated.

I really, I did it four times in my head before I said it out loud. Really? I got it. Glad you did that. I got it. Arr. Let's just get the arrr part.

You're fired. Jessica, why is it that you feel like Miami and living in Miami now for four years or five years? Four years, Dan. Has made you deteriorate as a moral human being? When I first moved here, I used to get very frustrated with how bad the driving is and how inconsiderate and impatient the drivers are. And it would really drive me crazy because you would have people, one of my biggest pet peeves is when you're in like the left turn lane or the right turn lane

and the light just turns green and someone comes around you and Turns around you in front of you it it's insane And it's just in place strictly Miami from from the other leg behind you like you're in line to turn left in the car behind you Cuts you off and turns in front. It's so dangerous, and it really just this happens constantly this isn't like Oh, I saw this happen one time. Like, once a week I see someone, someone does this to me. And it's starting to like really wear on me to the point where now I've become

a really impatient driver, because like now I'm dealing with all of these other impatient drivers all the time. So it's like starting to grate on me, and I realized this driving into work today, there was a bicyclist in the right lane on Biscayne. It's like a four lane, it's not a highway, but it's a busy thoroughfare. Right out in front of the Casaya Center,

and he's going so slow. He's probably riding his bike like four miles an hour, and I'm behind him, and I can't switch lanes because I have to turn into the parking garage, so I'm just going so slowly, so slowly. What'd you do? Nothing, I didn't switch lanes because I have to turn into the parking garage. Yes. So I'm just going so slowly, so slowly. What'd you do? Nothing. I didn't do anything.

Come on. I didn't do anything. You've got to mess that horn like there's no tomorrow. But I felt my blood pressure rise into my throat. My heart was beating in my face because I was so impatient and it was making me so angry. Even though I was like 30 seconds away from being at work, I was so impatient and it was like making me so angry even though I was like I was like 30 seconds Away from being at work. I was right here

But I can't like I have no Zen anymore Dan. It's just completely worn me down as a human being I have no Zen when I drive Everything just is making me so mad. I'm laying on my horn more. I'm yelling at people. I'm flipping the bird at people constantly That's also because he picked up a cocaine. Cheaters never prosper. Which I can understand Miami being the play. I just am like, when I first moved here, I was like, oh my God, like these drivers are terrible.

But I would just like be patient and take my time and just be like, they're crazy, I'm not crazy. And now it's making me crazy. And if I lived here another 10 years, I would start cutting people off in the left lane. Cause like, it's just the way of the roads here. It's insane. It is all of those things at LeBotard show.

Juju, please put it on the pole because I, are people leaning on the horn more often? Because I do believe this is a worldwide affliction, that people are taking their anger into their cars. I also think that while everyone, I'm assuming, complains about traffic wherever it is that they live in big cities, I don't think that I can say that it's ever been close

to what it presently is here, where not only do you have just overcrowding and patient anger everywhere, but I mean the number of people dying on bicycles because this is supposed to be a place where people can ride their bicycles that has ceased being a place where people can ride their bicycles because they're angrily shooting the bird at each other. No, this has to be one of the least safe places in the world to ride your bicycle. Like I would never, I used to ride my bike in Manhattan every single day coming to and from work,

like multiple miles a day. And it's not like it's very safe there, but I'd follow the rules of the road. And there were some areas like under the FDR where there's no cars. So like you knew you were probably not gonna get hit, like fingers crossed. But here I would never, ever, ever ride a bike on the street.

To be fair, these bicyclists, entitled. Hey man, don't act like there isn't death machines all around you. You're like, I'm protected by the law. Like, these people don't care, man. That's what I don't like. I get it, like this is a bike lane or whatever, but also you have to understand.

But you know they could kill you at any moment, right? And once you have that appropriate fear, you start to bicycle a little bit differently. But they don't, they're like, I have the right of way. I'm like, okay. There's a viral guy on social media that just drives around New York and he just screams at people if they're in the lane.

I know that guy, he's on an electric bike too. By the way, if you're on an electric bike, guess what, you're not a bicyclist anymore, you're a motorist. Anything goes at that point. Well, that's up too. I've seen a number of people. I mean, scooters and hospital scooter accidents and motorized bicycles, all of that stuff.

I'm assuming that all of that stuff through Florida is higher than it's ever been. Pedestrian deaths, bicycle deaths, hospital accidents, scooter accidents. I have heard that it's the opposite in New York. The two months of congestion pricing have like drastically decreased the amount of pedestrian accidents because there's obviously fewer cars on the road. But I mean, to your point, like,

I have issues with like all of it. I think also drivers in Miami need to be aware they are driving a killing machine and they need to not put themselves and put other people at risk constantly doing these insane things. Yesterday, someone turned left into a traffic circle and almost hit me head on.

Nice. A traffic circle, the universal place where you go right other than like in two countries. In my defense, those are confusing. You always turn right. Yeah, but I don't like the right of way and then you have these traffic circles that are like multiple lanes.

You know, like in Paris, that's's one place where car insurance doesn't work. Yeah. They, it does. The Arc de Triomphe. Yeah, it doesn't, they don't have like, that's a disaster. Car insurance is allowed everywhere except for that area.

It's exhilarating though. It's like a seven lane highway. No it's not. And it's just a circle. Man, I gotta Google it. I don't know how right away works on that thing. Dude, I've been trapped in this circle of death. I have too, yes.

45 minutes of just going around. It's wild. No, not yet, okay. But that's literally what people do at like the Cocoa Plum circle here. Like it's two lanes. It's one lane and then you turn. It's not that hard.

Cocoa Plum though is just. Whoa! Slurp. Cocoa Plum is just one circle. What Amin is talking about here is eight lanes of a highway going in a circle. Yeah, I can't even get the one lane down though. Like I'm screwed with eight.

I just, it's, I'm getting upset even talking about, it's making me a worse person. I feel worse when I drive. I feel bad when I get to work in the morning. I feel bad when I get in my car to go home at night. I used to not commute in my car every single day and I was a much happier person but then I moved and now I have to

and it's just really my quality. I can't imagine what Jer-Bear and Chris and Greg and Stugats feel every single day because they live the farthest. It's horrible. I have solutions for you. Number one, the horn, use it. And use it a lot.

Oh, I use it all the time. Channel that energy right into your palm and then brrrr, like, and the best one, the horn, use it, use it a lot. Channel that energy right into your palm, and then brrr, like, and the best one, like I cannot condone someone getting out of, you know, out of the lane and around you at a left turn. That just sounds crazy. But what I can say is, there are a few joys in life that are quite as exhilarating as watching that light

and then the fraction of a second after it turns green, brrr, because I like seeing the head of a second after it turns green, baaarrrrr! Because I like seeing the head of the driver in front of me. This is why I don't think you like God, by the way. In Miami, 99% of people are just looking at their phones like this. Like I pull up, I honk at people when I see them looking at their phones all the time.

Or if I'm walking across the street and someone's standing there on their phone, I wave at them, like I look psychotic. I wave at them and I'm like, put your phone down. You're gonna hit a child. Okay, now as a pedestrian, I gotta warn you. I know they're gonna, they're gonna. You're playing a dangerous game.

They're gonna shoot me. You're playing a, but when you're in your death machine, absolutely honk your horn, do all sorts of things. Number two, don't flip the bird. I found this out a long time ago. Flipping the bird does not give you joy. You know what gives me joy? Arm flail?

Come on. No, not even. Oh, you know what I do? I antagonize and then when they make eye contact, I do something passive aggressive like, hi. I just say, hi, thank you. Like I do that. That is the move.

If somebody, if I ever do something, you're right. Like the car pulls up next I ever if I ever do something you're right Some but like the car pulls up next to me and they're like you got a smile What I like I'll just try to like why would you be upset a real diffuser you are? How many lanes is the Shams day? Dayliz a how many Shams Elisa Shams Elisa the the octet real roundabout yeah Feels like 14 lanes going around in a circle, but the actual Champs-Elysees,

I think, is either three lanes or four lanes. It's not that wide. Okay, I thought it was more than that. It's not like, it's not a highway, it's a street. 12 lanes of traffic, apparently. Wait, no. No, that can't be right. That can't be right.

Champs-Elysees is an eight lane road, four in each direction. The Arc de Triomphe roundabout is 12 lanes. Yeah, that's crazy. I don't like to honk at somebody if I'm right behind them. But if I'm like a car separated, oh, then I just let it rip.

I feel like I need a little protection. Because I always feel like you always think the honk is like right behind you. Yeah, I always try to do this with my hand. No, not for you, but for you. Yeah, yeah. For the other guy. I only do that, I get frustrated

when the people in front of me don't know. It's your responsibility, car behind the slow guy Yours was all the one now. I got to do it So if you're all scared well guess what even if there are three cars in front of me if none of them have honked Guess what I'm honking for all of you bastards because none of you guys took the responsibility Don't you see how our lives are just made so much worse by? Everyone being so angry that it makes otherwise not angry people angry But this is where I'm at. It's the only time I'm angry

I had a quality of life before I moved here and now I'm in Parking garages and I'm driving and my blood pressure is just getting Hotter and hotter and hotter in my chest. Let's relax a little bit. You're driving around in February and March and there's no snow on the ground. It's beautiful weather. Number one. Okay, it's not like it snows every day in the Northeast. But it's miserable. It snows like twice a winter.

We've had good days. And you don't drive there. The last three weeks have been crazy. Better here than anywhere in the United States. We gotta figure it out these last few days though. It's like 59 in the morning. It's impossible to dress for. I'm with you.

The weather has been amazing the last two months. I will never, never ever, ever dispute that. I am, however, about to go to a doctor's appointment on Miami Beach where I have to show my driver's license to be able to park at my doctor's office. Nice. Well, let me tell you something. Right now, what's happening is.

Because of spring break. Someone listening to that's probably like, what is she talking about? There's like all these restrictions on parking in Miami Beach. They've ruined it. They've ruined spring break. There's nobody there. So like, you have to prove you're a resident to park somewhere. Restrictions on parking and they've ruined it. They've ruined spring break. There's nobody there

to park somewhere you Took all the anger in your life residual anger from other things, you know Chris You're saying I'm secretly like really angry and I just let it out on the road yes You it is the I don't think I I'm angry. You don't think you're angry because what happens in your day to day life, little things happen. I like the fat jokes. Little things happen and here you go. And you're like, oh, it's all right, it's okay. But it's not, but it's like what you're doing is

you're being the bigger man, the much bigger man, and you're pushing all that stuff down. But guess what? That stuff has to go somewhere. It goes in a bucket that's called road rage. And then when you get in the car, it's no holds barred. You're not angry cause this person is slow or that bike is short.

No, I am though. You are, as all the anger of the day, coming out in a geyser of just pure fury from the ground. I disagree with that. I just hate that this person doesn't know they can make it right on red. I'm telling you, your reaction, do you think it's an overreaction by you?

Yes. You know why it's an overreaction by you? Yes. You know why it's an overreaction? Because your cup overfloweth. No, I mean, because it's hot, the sun is beating down at me in my car, I'm tired, I've been in my car for an hour, it should have only taken 20 minutes to get where I wanna go, but it's taken an hour,

and I am beat down and exhausted, and now I'm dealing with this idiot. That's where the anger is. I could be doing anything else with my time. Those 40 minutes, I could be at Pilates class, no anger at all there. I could be walking my dog down the street, chasing a lizard.

I could be sitting on my couch eating. I could be doing anything that gives me joy and instead I'm in my car dealing with these assholes. She speaks. I reported the news. For all people who have been enraged in traffic and I also think and I can't get around this, I'm assuming that nobody wants to hear about our traffic problems, nobody wants to hear about your traffic problems.

I'm assuming that most people are saying to themselves, I don't have time for any of this, but it's worse than it's ever been. I've just never seen it like this. There's a relatability to what we're talking about. I think everybody's been somewhere where there are traffic problems and had these feelings that Jess is espousing, and I'm explaining to them it's because you're a decent person the rest of your life, and so you need somewhere where you can be a real piece of shit. And's what the car gives us the ability the permission to be a real piece of shit So next time you feel angry or frustrated in any other part of your life Don't take it out on your loved ones. Don't take it out on your co-workers

Wait till you get in the car and wait to somebody at a red light It changes green and that fraction of a second where they have not moved and take all that anger and frustration from the rest of your life and channel it right into one massive... Play video games! No! Play a game of pickup! Don't do it while you're in your car! Incredible Hulk, smash that horn!

Bang it! Ha ha! Baaaaaah! It's just repressed feelings leaning on your... Yes! What is the... This is why I don't think you love God! I love God.

I love God. You only get angry in the car. Okay, this is just so wrong. Little best of at the end here. It's just so bad. Is that Chum Bucket? Tate-us. Five more seconds in the show.

All right, see you guys later. We just reported the news. The Dan LeBattard Show with StuGots is sponsored by BetterHelp. Life gets busy, and your mind carries it all. But just like your body needs care, so does your mental health. Therapy is an investment in clarity, in peace, in you. Let's talk numbers. Traditional in-person therapy can cost anywhere from $100 to $250 per session,

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