The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Hour 2: I'll Tell the Spies EVERYTHING

Episode Date: June 26, 2024

Jeremy and Mike Ryan have come up with a plan to get Kevin Durant to the Miami Heat, and Jeremy goes to the Pepe Silvia plotting board to tell us how. Stugotz shares his weekend observations on a Wednesday which include his top five athletes that connote things you would find in a barn and what happened to his Twitter account. We have picks in Against The Spread and Lucy tells us why she would make a terrible soldier. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Giraffe King's Network. This is the Don LeBattor Show with the Stoogats Podcast. Oh, guys, we're getting Kevin. We're going to go get Kevin Durant this segment if you'd like. Top cop on it go get him He's all yours. All right, I'll go by the board We've already started we started the board with everyone eating apples and eating into the microphone Paul George I gotta tell you wasn't doing anything for me

I've been making fun of that guy his entire career And I really hate this recent trend of the heat acquiring players I do not like and having to talk myself into them when it started with Jimmy Butler that one worked out I apologize But then Kyle Lowry and then Terry Rozier Paul George is in that class And I really don't want to have to work my way up for it, but Kevin Durant Dan This has always been the way. Phoenix stole him. He thought he was coming here and he went over there and it was an absolute mess top to bottom and now it looks like they might blow it up and with Stephen A saying that the Suns want to get rid of him and not the other way around,

I'm thinking the Heat might be in on this if that's true. Yeah, but he went to Brooklyn and that turned out to be a disaster. He went to Phoenix, they should have been good. They weren't good. You're gonna trust Kevin Durant to run your team? I see what's happening here. You're gonna have to reconcile with a player that you haven't liked his entire career

and he shows up here and if he does any winning, it's gonna be confusing for you. No, but you also did this the moment that he got some Knicks excitement about his player being acquired. The Knicks are in the game now. some Knicks excitement about his player being acquired. The Knicks are in the game now. The Knicks are being discussed in a way that made everyone real uncomfortable the way that ESPN celebrated that team for merely making the second round of the playoffs. The idea that that team's

Stugats is a player away to me suggests that the player needs to be better than Brunson. The Miami Heat have been a player away. me suggests that the player needs to be better than Brunson. The Miami Heat have been a player away they need that player to be better than Jimmy Butler. I think Kevin Durant has done some damage to how it is that he has regarded in the last couple of years because he has not been able to lift the team and stay healthy post-war years to a championship. He's been very close. I would still want him on my team but he's got body parts breaking down and last year the league got taken away from him and people his age. It got taken away by wings that do to him what Tatum did to him last year when they saw, when they lined up

against each other and you saw the age difference on when Tatum's dugouts, when Prichard comes out, I don't know if you saw this, but when Prichard comes out and hits the buzzer beater at the end of quarters that he's brought out to get, Jason Tatum went to jump up and do that chest bump celebration with a fellow athlete and he just hit pritchard in the face with his dick because jumps so high and pritchard can't get up as high and so he just uh... didn't do a chest bump of any sort but now because

the nb a is in full swing here we're going to get all sorts of transaction talk over the next couple of days to the draft itself stinks to gots the draft the players that you can get in this draft are not as valuable as all the conversation that's going to start happening around the possible transactions jeremy's out by a board there in the other room within a series of a series of permutations here that get kicked off by the nix now saying we're in the game,

we're a player away. Jeremy, what do you have over there? Dan, there has been a ton of player movement already, and it's gonna be a huge night. NBA draft, like you said, not a ton of top tier talent available, but there's a ton of top tier talent available to the NBA. And we saw one player in Mikhail Bridges moved yesterday.

The Knicks acquired the power of friendship with all four of their Villanova players in return. Boyan Bogdanovich goes to the Nets, but it's the four unprotected first round picks, the one protected first round pick via Milwaukee and the second round pick that go to the Brooklyn Nets, that in turn makes them sellers. So what happens with guys like Cam Johnson, Dorian Finney Smith, Dennis Schroeder, Ben Simmons being brought up on draft night. They also have a couple of their own picks that have now gone back. But the reason they ended up with a couple of those picks,

another trade on top of the Knicks trade. It was with the Houston Rockets, and it's being reported that the Rockets have interest in players on the Phoenix Suns. They acquired the 2027 first round pick of Phoenix. They acquired the ability to swap for the Suns 2025 first round pick, and to swap for their 2029 first round pick. Now, what does that mean? Could they trade for, say say a Kevin Durant?

Well, according to Woge, Kevin Durant, maybe staying put, maybe Houston's not that interested, but they'd be interested in Devin Booker. Now that's a guy who could be traded to the Rockets if the Suns were willing to blow it up. And there are several, several other players potentially on the move. How about Paul George here?

No more with the 76ers. Apparently interest has waned. So what's going to happen with him and his player option? Are the Warriors going to be aggressive and move for Paul George? You also have players like De'Jonte Murray, Trey Young, potentially Brandon Ingram, all available tonight. How about De'Aaron Fox, who has two years left and has yet to sign an extension with Sacramento? A fellow friend of Bam Adebayo, speaking of those friends, Donovan Mitchell, now they have a new coach

in Kenny Atkinson, who has now gone to Cleveland, but no extension signed just yet. So Donovan Mitchell in the heat, is that a potential for tonight or beyond? Or as Stephen A Smith mentions Kevin Durant this morning, the night of the NBA draft and Phoenix wanting to move him, all of a sudden New York's out of the sweepstakes, the Nets are out of the sweepstakes as they tank and who could want to acquire a potentially older scorer to go along with their older alpha and get a sort of quiet

killer in Kevin Durant? Well, maybe, just maybe. Dan? Some Miami Heat. You're breathy. Are you out of breath? Billy, can you go out there and translate for me, please? I need a Heat translator on that inefficient mess that Josh Giddy and Alex Caruso. Inefficient? He did a bang-up job. I gotta be honest, He's pretty good at that I mean, he's really good at that. It is a mess that he's made on the board

I was hoping all of those points doesn't make sense to you. I was hoping that would be a drawing of something It's a really interesting team to monitor here Yes, the Rockets were the Rockets were a lot better than anyone expected them to be last year I don't think we had Van Vliet and Dylan Brooks creating that much of a difference with that team. Billy, what are the translations here? You are over at the Heat Board and you are writing on the board.

What is that word you just wrote? I can't read it from here. All right, so that word on the board here next, Heat, says nothing. So the way that this is gonna work for the Heat is Kevin Durant is gonna be headed to the Heat for nothing. Devin Booker is gonna be headed to the Heat for nothing. And then we have Donovan Mitchell,

I agree, headed to the Heat for nothing. Who else is on this board? Hardenstein, you want him? He's gonna be headed over to the Heat. And they're gonna trade nothing for him. And then that's gonna be how tonight plays out for the Miami Heat. They're gonna get all these players trade nothing for him. And then that's gonna be how tonight plays out for the Miami Heat. They're gonna get all these players in exchange for nothing.

Excellent night for Pat Riley and the Miami Heat. They keep all their players, they get all the players that everyone else wants. We give up four picks for Bridges. That's right, and you give up all your first round picks for a no time All-Star, and the give up all your first round picks for a no time all star, and the Miami Heat get everyone else. But Lucy, how annoying did you find Mike Ryan

as soon as the news filtered through the room that Kevin Durant might be available? It's the most heat interest I've seen from him in about a couple of years. Y'all literally think every single player under the sun wants to move to Miami. They don't, all right? It's not as fun here as it looks. It is under the sun wants to move to Miami. They don't, all right? It's not as fun here as it looks.

It is under the sun, however. And he did want to be here. We know it to be true. We know he doesn't like those suns anymore. Maybe he likes this one. Go to the Connecticut Sun. Don LeBattard. All these high-paid analysts,

I don't want to mention names, TNT, ESPM, you know, oh yeah, they are dead, they cannot, they're not going to make it, you know. Even if they win in, if they lose in Miami. I need to calm you down. I need to calm you down. That's right. They lose in Miami, they don't got a chance in Boston or they are going to have their ass, you know what,

in Boston, you know. Stugats. They were wrong, they were, are they going to lose a job? No. Are they going to get a cutting pay? No. What are they going to do? Keep predicting what is the obvious? They are going to say oh the nuggets are going to win, oh Denver the altitude and you know what? The heat are going to win it all. This is the Dan LeVatar Show with the Stugats. It is time for Stu Gatz to share his game notes. No one in the media will tell you what happened better than my boy Stu. On a Wednesday, huh? A Wednesday weekend observations. Weekend observations brought to you by Miller Lite.

Great taste. Just 96 calories available for delivery. Then, last year, they came up short in the postseason. But I've always said, you can't keep a great coach down. And behind, some of the best players the sport has to offer, they got back to work, overcoming obstacle after obstacle with the hopes of getting back there to right the ship. And Monday night, they got their moment. Against all odds, they persevered,

giving their passionate fan base a night they will never forget. Because for the first time in their history They were crowned champions and did make no mistake about it. Just like that Tennessee baseball is back That the balls that was an upset Yeah Did you watch any of that Tennessee Florida State game? The end of that game?

Florida State must be so mad at the umpire. I didn't watch. It was an amazing ending. Hold on a second. You were watching that game? Yes. I was watching. I wasn't watching.

That wasn't the championship game. It was over the weekend. Weekend observations on a Wednesday. Yeah, midweek. Game three, best two words in sports. I like the College World Series. So do I. Leon Dreisaitl, 40 plus goals in the regular season,

zero in the Stanley Cup final. You know what the D in Dreisytle. 40 plus not Mr. Game Seven. Maybe Mr. Game Four, perhaps Mr. Game Five, but not and never Mr. Game Seven. How about that? So what does the M stand for if not Mr. Game Seven? I don't know. Okay, well, you don't know either. Okay, just not Mr. Game Four.

Okay, Mr. Game Four. Yeah. God rested on the seventh day. Maybe McJesus thought he should rest on the seventh game. I liked it. Dan, let me ask you a question. You think Mark Messier would break Canada's heart the way McDavid did?

Do you? I do not. the M.C.A. would break Canada's heart the way McDavid did. Do you? I do not. Hmm. You know what the M in Mark Messier stands for? Messiah. Mr. Game seven. Oh, does it? Okay. You know what the other M in Mark Messier stands for? I do not. More Mr. Game seven. More. More

Mr. Game seven. Of course. Messiah. I'm sorry. I thought it was merely Messiah. I'm sorry. I thought it was merely Messiah. Mr. Gabe seven just me or does anyone else feel like the sky play the fever every other night? There are only twelve teams in the league, so they play each other a lot. Tom Abastro is doing deep dives into Jordan's defensive stats from 1988. Hey, Tom, get a hobby.

The H in Haberstro stands for hobby. Get one. Hobbyless. Love you, by the way, but hobby. I mean, who does that? Why are we deep diving into Jordan's defensive stats from 1988? What are we doing? He likes to uncover things uncover a hobby

Right the feel like his hobby. I love you Tommy uncovering. It doesn't sound like you love I do love them But it is a waste of his time It's his career. I don't care what he unearths then nothing It's gonna change my opinion that Michael Jordan's the greatest player and athlete of all time. Okay You didn't find the reporting interesting now on fake defensive stats read it. Okay But Tommy since you're diving See if he could find His two MVP Awards that somehow went to Barkley and Malone while you're down there

Thank you. Just because the voters were bored. I hate that. That is what happens It just didn't want to keep giving it to the same guy. Yeah, you'll get she's gonna suffer from some of this you think yeah They're not gonna just keep giving it to him They're gonna find reasons to give it to somebody else have to give it to him though He's the most valuable player in the league and so is Jordan and Malone and Barkley stole them So we're gonna deep dive go find those things. I got you. All right, yeah I'll be like giving him the award though. Like if they get mad at him, they'd give it to him because of how much he would hate it They can do that too Christian Pulisic

No, Pulisic no Pulisic Captain America that's easier yeah that's better Captain America that goal take a bow the C in Christian stands for Captain America the P and whatever his last name is still stands for penis because the goal went off his penis yes thank you my it's Pulisic and the keeper should have done better Alexi Lawless criticizes the American team like he did something when he played hey Alexi you didn't he did he didn't he got set over Columbia what he do I mean on the heels of that they had he win anything But he did beat Columbia. No, how many World Cups does he have though? Thank you

I'm asking zero zero. It's zero. Yeah, the US men's national team has been zero World Cups They went a copa something or you were just asking did they win a copa something? Shohei Otani batted 41 last week with six home runs 700 million dollars bargain It is crazy how good that human being is at baseball it doesn't make any sense next series pitches again He hit a ball the other day

476 feet. Mike, I'm sorry about Wallace. You're right. I'm not a fan, go for it. You seemed upset about it. I mean, he has one of the more iconic moments in US men's national history. Just so you know, just so that you understand

what it is to hit a baseball 476 feet. It's a football field and a half. He hit a baseball, a football field and a half. Thank you for explaining that. You know how far I drive a golf ball? Not as far as you say you do, because everyone around here says you're not, everyone here says you're not any good at golf. 200 yards, guys, come on.

And all you've been telling us. In the air or? No, no, no, no. I love a little squib. Just let it roll. Yeah. I love, listen, I love a golf course where they don't have a lot of rough

between the tee box and the fairways. And then it just rolls and rolls and rolls and rolls 275 yards later boat Sorry, Mike US soccer didn't make a ballsy move today Emma Hayes with her first real big-time decision decided no Alex Morgan on the Olympic roster It's a travesty. That's the right call, but it's a gutsy call. Real gutsy.

Terrible call. That is so good. That is so on brand for Stugatz to elevate immediately to the delivery of news that he knows nothing about to calling it immediately a travesty so that no one can have a stronger take on that front with less information than him. Just goes straight to Travis word choice is everything the travesty meter just gets straight I'm surprised he didn't go to tragedy to the gentleman at Hartsfield International

Airport who went to the bathroom stall and yelled out heels up as a warning before he started taking care of business. Thank you. I got out of there. He yelled heels up. It was a warning. Funny. Nobody gets a jog around. He really is made of balsa wood or rattan, like wicker. Yeah, wicker. Sergi Bobrovski, get yourself a travel agent and book a one-way ticket to the Hockey Hall of Fame. Sergi. I don't care. Sergi. Sergi. I don't care.

Sergi. Sergi. Sergalicious. Get a travel agent, book a one-way ticket to the hockey hall of fame. Hobby. Sergi the Duchess. Phillies. He came closer to his name than Ryan Clark did.

We called him Dave. Dave Babrowski. Phillies. With the old 135 triple play. Baseball. the old one. Philly's with the slightly more interesting than you did. Tip of the cap to Willie Mays, the say hey kid. We didn't do enough with that. I'm not certain what we're supposed to do, but we didn't do enough with it.

Greg Cody was really good on it. Okay, we did. Greg Cody wept talking about it. You were spearing. I was. He cried on air. It was an emotional day though. Jalen Brown lost a ring at the Celtics Championship Parade. I don't know who found it but I can promise you one person who didn't, Chris Paul. The C in

Chris Paul stands for couldn't find a ring if it fell in his lap. What are you going to do if he ends up with the Knicks? He won't. You never know. He won't. You have him ending up with the Knicks. You never know. The Knicks are that dumb. A trade, a buyout.

They used to be dumb, no longer dumb. They make smart moves now. So Kyle Lowry. Smart move. Has a title. Is Chris Ball? No. Dan.

Don't look now. But the Mets are 10 and two. Since Grimace throughout the first pitch. Mr. Met. Hot Seat. What do you mean Hot Seat I mean, you're going to replace Mr. Met as the mascot because Mr. Met's not working. 8 out of 10. 10 out of 12.

What do you mean? 10 out of 12. 10 and 2. And you're going to replace Mr. Met? Yeah. If we keep winning. Hot seat. Keep an eye on it. Oilers fans at the arena celebrating with their phones

for a Con Smythe trophy. You should be ashamed of yourself. It's embarrassing. You lost the Stanley Cup. You're celebrating a guy who didn't deserve to win the Con Smythe trophy. That's what you're celebrating with your phones out? You stuck around for that?

What a joke. You seem to agree. You're shaking your head yes. I do not agree that he shouldn't have won the trophy. I do not agree with that. The only way that game was going to end was with the puck pinned up against the boards. The barn was rocking Monday.

Top five athletes. That connotes something you would find in a barn Oli Joe McGrain Goose gossage Number five duck Hodges Number four, Chick Hearn. Number three, Chad Henny. Just a hen? Yeah.

Number two, Michael Cooper. Coop. Number one, Michael Jordan. Thought you were going to go say hey kid because we didn't do enough with him. Go. Here come the cards. Steve Kwan is batting 385. Have no idea who he is, but he's good.

You know who he is? 20. My Twitter account got hacked. Apparently, Deadhead420 was an easy to guess password. Andrew Brant. He sent me a link. I got all excited. I thought he was sending me some football information. I didn't look.

It was Andrew Brant? Yeah. Oh my god. I mean, I thought I was privy to some really great information. I could open that attachment quick enough. What did it say before the link? That's the way to get him. Please.

The way to get him. Copyright infringement. Andrew Brant. That's the way to get him. Just send him a link that might get him some football information. It's the only way to get him just send him a link that might get him some football information it's the only way to get it I was wondering what it was I responded what is this he didn't respond back I sent it to Adnan who's very good friends with him team Federer and he said I get them all the time just delete

it I said football information I am NOT deleting that. I opened it Sorry to everyone Including Reese Davis who sent me a text? I was cleaning up that mess the entire weekend. I don't know that whoever was fishing did their research Andrew Bratz. Damn it. Rory McElroy. Oh no.

McElroy? Yes. Skip the Traveler's Championship after choking away the US Open. Imagine a quarterback throwing a bad interception late and then saying, I think I'll take off next week. Grow up. Who does that? He missed those putts. Not the Traveler's Championship, not the great people of Northern Connecticut. He missed

the putt. That's right. He has an obligation to show up to that tournament and play for the people who purchase tickets to that tournament. That is a terrible job, I worry. It is. He missed them. He choked. That's right. That's correct. I mean imagine seriously throwing a pick six against the Chiefs and you say, hey, you know what? Late in the game. And then you say to your teammates after the game, Dan, hey, you know what? Next week, take it off against Carolina. Thank you. He doesn't play a team sport though. I don't care. I mean Dan people purchase tickets a long time ago to see the best player in the world.

He's not showing up because he choked. They didn't choke. Anyway, I'm so mad about this. Is he the best player in the world? He's one of the best players in the world. Yes. Roy should get a ring. One of isn't the same as the best player in the world. He's one of the best players in the world. Yes. Roy should get a ring. One of isn't the same as the best player in the world. He is certainly, listen, any tournament he shows up to, he is one of the guys that if you're going to purchase tickets for the tournament, that's one of the guys you're going to see. He's, especially with that field. It's a good field, but I think he's the best player in that field. I don't think Scottie's playing. Maybe he was getting his affairs in order

Roy should get a ring Made me happy to see him happy as hell Speaking of hell, Art Pryles. Dan, those are the weekend observations Weak into hell. Or Pryles. Dan, those are the weekend observations. Don Lebatard. Your history with him suggests three years of heaters. Three years of heaters. But this Stu Gatz, my partner enlivened by a sports team. We're having sex baby.

And Joe Mauer. Yes, like this is the best version of him. What? Stu Gatz. No, you are. Yeah. Feels good. This is the Don LeBattar Show with the Stugatz.

["The Stugatz Show Theme"] Stugatz is pouring in from all over the internet. Dan saying this championship was earned is so pathetic. He can't even enjoy the celebration without taking a shot at the Celtics. It's sad, really. People thought Vegas fans were annoying last year. Will you guys top them?

My favorite thing is nobody on this show but Roy caring about the Panthers until like three years ago, and now they're all acting like they've waited their whole lives for this moment. Peak Miami right there. Why does Mike Ryan keep saying this Panthers team is or should be considered an all-time great team?

Does he not remember the Red Wings teams from the late 90s or the Avalanche teams that came after them? Do you not remember them, Mike? Do you not remember them? I did one segment where I said one of the best teams in the 21st century. Let's do, how about the Lange though?

The Lange were good. The Red Wings teams, yeah. The Lange were good, Josakic. The Red Wings were also exceptional. Yeah, they're really good teams. Love sports, man. Let's do Against the Spread. Do you think his tone was what you read it as?

Yeah? I do, yes. People are funny. Why does Mike keep saying this Panthers team is or should be considered an all-time great? Does he not remember the Red Wings team's late 90s? Well, funny voice person, those teams should also be considered as all-time teams. Taking anything away from anybody.

You were taking it away from somebody. Once you give it to somebody else, you're taking it away from somebody. It's just a little piece. You took a little bit away from Stevie Iserman. You took a little bit and you gave it over here. You gave it over here to Barkhoff and Iserman wanted that. I saw a lot of smart people calling this the best NHL season

of all time. If one team ends up winning the championship during the best NHL season of all time, maybe they should be considered among the best of all time. Couldn't agree more. But dad is right. Iserman wants that peace back. I'm not taking anything away from Izerman.

You are taking it from him. Peace. He wants it. He should probably find a goalie. That's what he should do in Detroit because they got a good young team. Find a goalie. Who's starting us off on Against the Spread? Did someone say spread?

Dan, Against the Spread is sponsored by DraftKings. Stay tuned because you'll hear more about DraftKings and all it has to offer throughout the show. DraftKings, the crown is yours. We're gonna start out with Mike. We're going to the Mexican Baseball League. Oh really? I'm gambling again! Really, the Mexican Baseball League?

Yeah, yeah, we're fainting Fernando Flores Jr. and that near eight ERA. This is a classic story of good pitcher versus bad pitcher. And we're taking Tabasco against the spread. It's a great name for a pitcher. It is a great name. Does he throw heat? Does he throw heat?

Tell me he throws heat. No, the team name is Tabasco. Oh. Everyone throws heat. Great name for a team. Jeremy? So we're going over to Euro 2024, and my great, great, great grandparents

lived in the area that is now Turkey. So we're taking Turkey plus 170 against Czech Republic against the spread. Ottoman Empire is why you're making that. Yep, that's right. That's an odd, odd against the spread here. I also like turkey sandwiches. Do we not have anything going on

in this country worth better than? I'm not allowed to gamble on anything. Well, since you said so, I'm gonna head over to the WNBA. Wow! And I'm gonna do something kind of bold. I'm feeling a little crazy.

I think I'm gonna take the Fever plus eight at the Storm. Now, the Storm have been one of the best teams all season. I know the Fever are coming off a loss, but it was a five-game win streak before. They're starting to figure things out. I don't think the fever went, but I think they cover against the spread. Love you, Katelyn. Dan, a little something I like to call the subway series. The Mets, the Yankees, Cityfield,

Mets one game one. Yanks have lost two straight. They have lost three consecutive series, by the way. They're starting to panic in New York. The Mets are 10 and two's in Grimace. They have lost two straight and they are starting to panic. There's that, well, three straight series. And Grimace.

Grimace is in the lead. Mets are 10 and two. I am taking the Mets. Plus one and a half minus one fifty five the New York Mets again again Minus one fifty five to get the the run to get the to get plus one and a half Yeah, so the Yankees can win by one you still win. Okay, but how will you play?

Yankees can win by one, you still win. Okay, but. Will you play? All right. Against us, friend. If you don't like it that way, I'll take a plus 105, okay? Well, I don't know, but that's my line, so it's different. That was against us, friend. Thank you, Jere.

Against us, friend. The poll that we had up, did the Monopoly Man ever have a monocle? 77% of the people say he did have a monocle, even though this is an example of the Mandela effect. Jeremy, do you have any other good examples of the Mandela effect for us? Hello, Clarice.

Not a line ever said in the Silence of the Lambs. Nope. Good morning. Hello, individually. No hello, Clarice. Some people believe that they've seen the Mona Lisa frowning. That is not the case. The Mona Lisa does not frown.

The biggest one is the Berenstain Bears. Everyone remembers them as the Berenstain Bears, a Jewish bear family, but in fact, they are actually the Berenstain Bears and have always been. People thought that there was a switch at one point in time, but nope, they have always been the People thought that there was a switch at one point in time, but nope, they have always been the bear and stain bears. Thank you. Lucy, are you excited at all about the NBA draft? The draft is upon us. The sports

calendar does not stop. It moves very quickly, and I suspect the transactions are going to engulf everybody the next couple of days. No, I'm more worried about the other draft into the military. I thought you were talking about the Sphere in Vegas. NHL draft at the Sphere. So there's a bill that has been passed in the House that's probably gonna go through the Senate soon. I don't know, I didn't really pay attention

in Schoolhouse Rock, but so basically, the rule has been that like men are automatically eligible for the draft and like entered at wartime. Well guess who they're adding to that? Women, and I am not cool with this. So I wanted to come on this show and campaign why I would be a really bad choice for the army. Because I'm still in the age range.

I still have about a year left before they wouldn't draft me. I cannot be in the army because one, I'm just not cut out for it, I'm anti-war. Two, can't keep a secret, I'll tell the spies everything. If I get captured, even the threat of anything, I will tell them. I don't even care, they don't even have to ask, I'll just tell them, okay?

I get tummy issues when I'm anxious, I know if I'm in the battlefield, I will be so, so anxious. My hair looks terrible pulled back in a tight bun, it will not work for anyone, This is just not a good fit. If you work for the government, don't put my name on there. I am not good. I cannot fight for this country. Okay, not because you don't believe in it

or pieces of its principles, just because you're not made for war. Well, I don't like war, but I didn't agree to any other stuff you just said there. I just really don't wanna to wear my hair back. And camo does not look good on me either. That's not my color wheel. If it were blue, I'd consider it.

All right. So the US government should not- Perhaps the Navy? Should not- Never mind. Take it back. So don't draft Jessica. Do not draft her.

Okay. All right. So, we're going to wrap up. We're going to wrap up. We're going to wrap up. We're going to wrap up. We're going to wrap up. We're going to wrap up.

We're going to wrap up. We're going to wrap up.