The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Hour 2: Is That The One Where You Squeeze The Nipples?

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

David has been wanting to talk baseball all day, so we give him a moment to FREESTYLE his baseball thoughts over a beat before diving into All-Star Paul Skenes and his tremendous rookie season. Then, David explains why MLB is often so resistant to change and tells us some of the rule changes he proposed over the years including, believe it or not, the magic at bat. Plus, what would you classify as a "gateway prank?" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I believe that I will be a far better Dan chair sitter than either Pablo or Dominique. And the reason I feel that is I don't appreciate the way you've treated Chris Cody today. Calling him out the way you have. It is very hard to sit in that chair. You're saying I ruined him? I think that you are criticizing him in a way by expecting him to do things.

He can't read your mind. You have to prepare people to help you. Can I allow everybody in on what's really happening today? Zurbia. That's awesome. What's really happening is that David has proposed topics. He wants to take over the chair tomorrow that Dominique is sitting in.

He is actively, you may have noticed in his complaints about Dominique's vibrating phone, that he just thinks that everything has been subpar because he's not in charge. And he's trying to talk about baseball now. And I don't know if anybody else wants to talk about baseball, but he wants to talk about baseball. I'm down to talk a little baseball with you, David,

but I do think that you've had a lot of topics on the rundown that have been avoided, and I think we need to actually address the issue at hand. Don't try to come from our chair. Don't try to insult Pablo's hosting abilities. Let's just be honest. Your issue is your topics don't get well received. We're in a pre-show meeting.

You throw out topics and everyone smiles and nods and then we get to the show and nobody brings them up, that's your issue. So let's do it, baseball is down baby. The pre-show meeting that I'm not there at all because I'm doing a different show. Perfect point, that's why your topics don't make it. All right, we're here. So why I send the topics in advance,

is that what you mean? This is what I'm talking about. Paul Skeens is an all-star ladies and gentlemen. Are you looking for a baseball minute? Oh, man, this mirror was a special mirror. Do you have music? Splinker. There's my EP.

There's my EP. That is the whitest music ever. I see what I'm doing here. Yes. I feel like that's at a carnival. All right, David, let's hear you freestyle. There's a man named Paul Skeens. The fact of the matter is no one know what he means.

Oh my god. His girlfriend is far more famous. But you better believe it. On Tuesday, you may see his Uranus. Oh! Because Paul Skeens may start the All-Star Game being the first man to ever do it that way. Cook it!

I'll be watching Eating My Curds and Whey. That is the MVP. This man just rommed way, way, way. W-H-Y-N-W-A-Y that to you my friend We lost juju I think he died, I think he murdered him I think that's the first death from bad rap ever He worries about murder way more than I do and this is what murdered him

That was awful, I mean awesome Alright but seriously though I it is amazing. If you've watched him pitch Do you know who that is of course I do He's got her than Cooper flag use the girl Huh, well yeah, he might be actually He's performing at the big league level today. It might actually be better than Cooper flag I'm just reeling from what just happened.

I can't believe how quick you were to anything I say. You wanna go against it, and yet your brain, you were like on two seconds to lay there. But I do acknowledge when you're right. My immediate reaction is David's saying something. It's probably wrong. I'm probably gonna hate it. But then I caught myself, I was like, you were right.

This curds and whey eating 65-hitch motherfucker has a point. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can you convince us though, why Paul Skeens is worth actually being impressed by? What's happening here that makes it okay?

Listen, he's never been, I'll tell you, the reason he's getting this attention is he is the first ever number one overall pick in the draft to be an all-star the following season. But what really people love about him is that he throws 102. And what people really love about him, he is the Travis Kelce to Olivia...

Dunn. Dunn's Taylor Swift. And I will admit, I'd heard of Paul Skeens. I had never heard of Olivia Dunn. And she's got over 13 million TikTok, some crazy number. She's a social media influencer, an incredibly talented, attractive woman. Paul Skeens is very talented,

but not exactly in line to be on the cover of GQ. Speak for yourself. And they, well, I'm not in line to be in GQ either. But they have combined to form this incredibly popular duo and they're doing all these things and it's really good for baseball. So if you were the president of the Pittsburgh Pirates, which drafted Paul Skeens,

how are you handling this specific combination? The thing is you can't take advantage of it now. That's the problem. On days that he pitches, you may sell more game day tickets, but baseball, it's a lagging indicator. When there's success, you can increase your season ticket prices for the next season.

You can get more season ticket holders the next season. It really doesn't, when you've got like Fernando mania, that is an old reference to just about everyone. If Dan were here, he would call me out on that. The Dodgers had that. We had it in Miami with Don Trell Willis. He actually sells more tickets, but only the days he pitched.

Like, is it like Zo's Summer Groove? What? Nope. Miami Heat, sorry. Back to you, Dave, sorry about that. No, that's good. That's fine. So, Paul Skeens is a phenomenon,

but MLB wants to put him on a bigger stage So they named him as an all-star and people are mad about this Because it is it's not clear that he's earned the right to be an all-star Well there whether you're looking for him on a bigger stage or at a baseball game If you want to go see Paul Skeens you go to the game time app and you can get great tickets for Pittsburgh They're coming to Florida soon. you can get them down here. I'm gonna go see Paul Skeens, I wanna see that mustache in person.

And if you do that, download the Game Time app, create an account, use code Dan for $20 off your first purchase, terms apply, last minute tickets, lowest price, guaranteed. I just used the app twice in the last week and I love doing it. You get the view, I love the view where I can see where my seat's gonna be the best.

And I love that it's all in so I see the numbers. No hidden fees. And I got tickets for my daughter to go see a concert with the Sag Harbor guy who got pulled over. Justin Timberlake. That's what he's known for. That's what everyone does, word association. That's...

A double point was vicious, boy. I wish that if people who aren't listening, I mean people who are listening, they're not watching. Man, hit them with a... With a way and a way. And there's something else I just did on Game Time app. It really is a great app. And not just because they're our sponsors.

Can we go back to Paul Skeens for a second? Yeah. You are not someone who is shy about his opinions, but I didn't hear your opinion on the Paul Skeens to the All-Star game decision. He is an All-Star this season. Right. In the short time he's been up,

he has proven to be one of the best pitchers in baseball. It may line up for him to start, and I think MLB should start him because it would be greatly entertaining and we would draw from a different audience than we would normally draw for the All-Star game. The old fuddy-duddies are upset about it. There's no question. Baseball is full of old sort of people who don't want to upset the status quo.

But Skeens isn't this outrageous personality. So he's not out there looking for attention. Baseball also isn't good about highlighting their young stars often, right? So like last year, Elie De La Cruz was like a huge story when he got called up. He was one of the top prospects in the minor leagues. He got called up in like early June.

So they had the opportunity to make him an All-Star just to kind of highlight him while the nation is watching because it's a slower time in sports traditionally, right? It's like SB week. So like that's a game where you can highlight young stars like Paul Skeens and baseball in the past hasn't been good about including them. So because Paul got called up a month and a half ago

or whatever it was, there was some question, is he gonna make the All-Star team, is he not? Because he's lived up to the hype, right? And it's been incredible. Which is hard to do. He was the number one overall pick and he had the rare path through college baseball. Then he goes into the draft

and the minor leagues was a joke for him. He quickly made it up to the majors, didn't even spend a full season in the minors. And then you don't get the guy off and lives up to the hype. It was compared to Strasburg when he was called up and Bob Costas was on there saying he's a hall of famer like on his first start ever which was absurd.

But he also lived up to the hype at the moment. Then they shut him down early in the year. So like it's gonna be interesting to see Paul Skeens' career and how it plays out. How do they manage him? Do they put him on a pitch count? Like what do they do for him this season? Is he gonna wear out his arm throwing 150 miles

every time he throws? Because like his first start, he had like nine of the 11 fastest pitches by a starting pitcher that season. He throws it hard and he's lived up to the hype so far, so it's good that they're including it. And here's the problem, they're not gonna make the post season the Pirates. No, so at some point you would think

they're probably shutting him down. I'm shutting him down because while I'm excited that this has happened, I wanna try to be good next year. If I'm the president of the Pirates, I'm taking advantage of his pre-arbitration years when he's making only the minimum. I get three years of it and that's it. This is year one.

So next year, I gotta try to put someone around him, maybe sign a veteran arm, maybe someone not Chapman, someone better because I wanna try try to win with Skeens before he gets too expensive. The worst thing that could happen is that Paul Skeens gets hurt this season on a season that's not going anywhere for him, right? But he's also the story of the Pirates this year.

And he's the story of kind of this other sect of baseball where you don't necessarily care about the Pirates or care about baseball,ates or care about baseball But you care about Livy and this is Livy's boyfriend and look how good Livy's boyfriend is and Livy yesterday announced That she's going back for fifth year in college. I don't know what that has to do with anything That's something. So what do you do? Like what do you do with him? She tweeted. He's the story but this is how baseball works, right? They shut him down like Max Meyer was up for the Marlins and he was doing incredible

But this is somewhat of a lost season. I mean, somewhat. This is a lost season. He's been terrible in AAA. He's been terrible. And then you've had the managers come out and they're like, well, what's going on there? And they've said he's had trouble, I think,

adjusting to being sent back down. When he was having good success in major league level, because they want to conserve his arm, they're then using those innings in the minor leagues where he's still pitching. And it's the whole thing so they're so full of it They got service time back the part of this story That's really interesting to me like the the micro of it and the Paul skein specifically is interesting

But we've had a conversation yesterday a bit about how much marketing played into the Brawny selection and how that's going to be part of the entertainment property that's offered by the Lakers and frankly the NBA like when brawny plays It's gonna be on a national televised game And if he gets the chance to play with his father, which I'm sure he will it will be a big deal that leads all of this and I think part of what is risky about that is there is some Value in There is some value in the illusion that this is all just straight sports in the way that it felt like it was in high school, but I recognize that it is entertainment.

So I guess I'd like you, David, as someone who's been behind the scenes in probably our most resistant sport to accepting that you have to entertain it or turn it into a little bit more entertainment. What are those conversations like when you're trying to do that? There was a whole thing called, let the kids play. That was not more than a couple of years ago. That campaign, yeah. Where baseball really tried to get it.

Right, I don't. No, I remember that. I guess my question is, there has to be pushback on the other side because in their defense, there has to be a balance. Because you don't want to turn it into professional wrestling where everyone's like, this is all for show.

But I guess I want you to tell me about the conversations when you're thinking about adding a pitch clock, or you're thinking about trying to add some new entertainment properties to the game. And who are the people that are pushing back and why? It's the balance. Well, the biggest people who push back are the old traditionalists.

And it's funny, like a John Sherholz was involved in the start of Instant Replay. The Braves GM. The former hall of famer. John, is, oh, so the people not, is that another name that is not known? Is that not how he was most known, is the guy who was running the Braves?

John Sherholz to you is a foreign name? Yeah, but who cares? You said it. He cut me off in traffic once, but. You know, there's. You said that. So I believe that the biggest problem I had in baseball was trying to do things that were different

that would change the way the game was actually played. What's the most different thing you tried to do? Make it so anyone can hit in the ninth inning. Out of order. All right. So you could have- Wait, that was our show's idea. You could have, that was done by me way before Stu Gotz,

way before you, way before everybody. That was 15 years ago. Wait, so explain it, so basically you have three outs in the ninth inning. It all happened because of Derek Jeter. Did you have smoke coming out of the dugout? No, it all was Derek Jeter related, and it all happened in 03 when Derek Jeter

When I first saw the video of the World Series There's a video that comes out and there's a picture of Jeter in the ninth inning just staring and looking out because it wasn't his turn To bat against Beckett and I always thought to myself What a stupid sport that your best player assuming Jeter is your best player doesn't have a chance It's like and the equivalent was can you imagine Jordan not being allowed to have the ball down one with 10 seconds left in the game? This is why the Otani Trout matchup in the World Baseball Classic was incredible. One of the great moments ever,

but you could manufacture that moment every single game. And if you can manufacture it, why wouldn't you do it? And so tell me about the pitch. Who'd you make the pitch to and how was it responded to? It's within an owner's meeting, within a committee called the competition committee, right? And it was the response was you know, it was put on a list. Mm-hmm put on the specialist The David Sampson rejected ideas list. It's it wasn't just me I would say but you need 23 votes to play.

And the resistance to it though was- It's not our sport. That's not who we are. That's the beauty of baseball. If it comes up in the eighth inning, your best player, that's when he comes up. And then the other team has to figure, do they want to use their best pitcher in the eighth inning,

not the ninth inning? And my point was when games are on the line, it's always different. You can say, this is the biggest moment of the game in the seventh inning. I don't agree with that. The biggest moment of the game is always at the end in the ninth inning. But that's like too drastic of a change

for the way Major League Baseball works, right? Like that's something that you would see they implement in like a season in like the minor leagues, which the minor leagues then becomes like the experimental ground or like an all-star game. Cause the all-star game in baseball is also interesting because there was a time that it was taken seriously, and then there was a tie, and then this one counts.

And then that determined, the World Series used to alternate year to year, National League, American League, National League, American League. Then there was the all-star game, the Bud C League in Milwaukee ended in a tie, and then they're like, well now this isn't being taken seriously, so now we need to make this count. Then they have the home run derby

that's changing the rules every year. Every year you're watching the home run derby, you have no idea what's going on. So like, the All-Star game's a game where you could experiment, because I think, correct me if I'm wrong, but like, the World Series went back to alternating sites, right?

Now, it has it? No, it's got my record now. Oh, okay. It's now home field in the World Series is the best record. Okay. Of the team who plays. How much in advance do you need the Home Run Derby rules to enjoy the Home Run Derby?

Like, do you need to study them and know them or can you just be told as you're watching the broadcast? No, I mean, I think he, me anyways, I usually figure it out like the third person that's up. Right, because like, there's years, I know they go through it, but I'm ordering pizza, I'm doing something, I'm sitting down. We are never as a, listening to the part

where they explain the rules. Exactly right. That's on you then. By the Elam ending in the NBA All-Star name. It's like, wait, why did the game just start? Yeah, exactly. Howdy, folks. It's Mike.

I'm headed to Chicago, get a nice little dose of summertime shy. And I've never actually been to Wrigley Field. But I'm going this week, and I cannot wait. And for anybody that wants to join me out to Wrigley Field, but I'm going this week and I cannot wait. For anybody that wants to join me out at Wrigley Field and experience Chicago baseball in summertime shy, why don't you download the Game Time app right now? Game Time is an authorized ticket marketplace for Major League Baseball, which makes getting

tickets faster and easier. Prices on Game Time actually go down the closer you get to first pitch with killer last minute deals all in prices of views from your seat.-minute deals all in prices views from your seat I love those panoramic views from my seat and their lowest price guarantee game time actually takes the guesswork out of buying major league baseball tickets So do that join me. I'll see you out there summertime shy take the guesswork out of buying MLB tickets with game time download The game time app create an account use the code Dan for $20 off your first purchase terms apply again create an account and redeem Code D a n for $20 off your first purchase download the game time app today last-minute tickets lowest price guaranteed Don LeBretard we didn't get to your guys's against the spread you're right. You're right. I don't have it against the spread

Because I wasn't prepared for this segment I don't have it against the spread because I wasn't prepared for this segment You have actively played defense against me today in a way that has rarely been this undercutting Stugats! Defense wins championships, baby! That's show business This is the Don LeBattar Show with the Stugats! The Stugats So what's one that that did actually go through when anything that you pitched to actually yes okay for no more intentional walks no more wasting pitches when you want to put

a guy on save time in a game put the four fingers up boom he goes to first base. I mean Miguel Cabrera had the most iconic moment. So that was the complaint is that what about when the pitcher for that one time. Misses. That the pitcher really throws a ball that a hitter can hit like a Guerrero or a Cabrero. Where you get a bloop single right up the middle in Baltimore, I remember that.

I'll never forget that ever. But I'm willing to give up those moments to save those seconds. Something that you've never forgotten. You're like, I don't want that. That thing that I remember really well. Get that thing out of my life. Could have save those seconds. Something that you've never forgotten. You're like, I don't want that. That thing that I remember really well, get that thing out of my life. Could have saved 10 seconds.

That was our guy. I get it. But it's a better rule. If you're gonna walk a guy, there's no reason. Do you remember in baseball, the catcher standing up, putting his arm out, and you have to go ball one, ball two, ball three. It's absurd if you think about it.

I have a broader kind of philosophical question for you about baseball management. So I think no one in baseball is delusional enough to believe that it's still the most popular sport in America. We all are. It's the national pastime. Really?

That's a rule full of owners who are all the nationals. Telling the NFL player, we're the national pastime. Yeah, well that's nonsense. But the thing that's interesting to me is I would think that as business owners, you would recognize that you've been loosing seeding ground because of the antiquated nature of your sport. And I recognize that they did finally start to adjust. And I've gone to two baseball games this year with my son and they were great and fast and I enjoyed them them but why such resistance when you see all the other games that are passing you by are completely comfortable with

changing the rules because a lot of the owners are scared because when baseball does things it gets criticized in a way and what we would always tell the owners is hey the NFL the NBA they change the rules every year and no one cares they just do it how come an MLB would try to change something and all of a sudden you get the biggest protest ever? And owners are incredibly sensitive. You talk about Bronnie and LeBron, owners read their own clips all the time

and you say no one's heard of the owners, you go into different communities, they know the owner. Pablo, what do you think of this? Where the hell did all of our white American boys go really? Jeez Pablo great question I mean is it rhetorical do you want an answer? Huh, do you have an answer? I just I just think that Cooper flag is gonna be really popular guys. That's all I was trying to say Turn me into some goddamn Netflix true crime

It's not fair for you to clip our voice and not be subject to your own clip. MLB owners need to get offline, bro. They need to just step into the new millennium, bro. Sticks and stones, bro, dawg, because when we talking about progressing and advancing the sport as a whole, like you said, bro, the NFL with these replays

and these challenges and the NBA with some of their rules, dog, it only helps the eyes, it only helps the kids get into it, so take yourselves a little light. I want a tennis style replay in baseball. Yeah. Is there anything better than the tennis replay of any sport? No. That's the best. They get the good clapping and anticipation, motivation.

When you see the ball going, it's like, is it gonna land in? No, the ball goes, and it's, oh, right before. So you like the ball going, it's like, is it gonna land in? Is it gonna land in? Oh, right before. So you like the animation. No, I like the fact that it's quick and it's totally accurate. Imagine the animation.

To his point, that animation, like on a baseball replay where you see the foot running down the baseline, like that would be cool. You want like the, what is it the thing they do when they're like doing, they're hiding like the ball, like those animated videos. Which cup is this in? Yes yes I always get that right one of those two two no you can fix it people love you on that you can fix you can put

on a computer like you'd fix the mascot race you can fix the helmet cup thing what can you do it sometimes oh oh damn this is all we found out today is that Samson running the Marlins, was fixing the digital games on the Jumbo Cup. You can do it so that no one can get it, you can do it so everyone gets it, you can do it so always three. What, you whispered to the guy

who's gonna win a free shirt? Yeah. What, why? Hey, hey, it's number one. It's number one. What, do you know what to do with that laugh? Did you stand at a ballpark? That's so evil.

That was not an evil laugh, that's, oh my God, that's funny, I hadn't thought about that in a really long time. It was a cackle. It was a cackle. It was a cackle. C was not an evil laugh. That's, oh my God, that's funny. I hadn't thought about that in a really long time. It was a cackle. It was a cackle. It was a cackle. Cackles are inherently evil. There are no non-evil cackles.

Every cackle's evil. Which is cackle? Cackles are evil. The transitive property of cackling? Yeah, I mean, I've never heard a pleasant cackle. No one's like, oh, that joke was great. Had me cackling. You're always like, hey, that villain was evil. Had me cackle it. You're always like, hey, that villain was evil.

He even cackled. Cackled. I don't know that cackle is always pejorative. It is now. It explains a lot. Hold on. It's like ruling. Can you please explain to me why you would ever want to fix the three-card monster?

No one's betting. It's not. No, no one's betting on it. That's even more mind-blowing. Why did you care to fix it? You know how much time you spend at a ballpark when you run a team? It's morning till night, every day of the year.

You know this, how do you? I don't. It's funny to me. Football is different, we don't spend that much time. That's true actually. We also are not cacklers, we don't do that type of foolishness. Oh, sorry.

But speaking of- Mr. Thighs. Quad, sorry. If speaking of- Mr. Thighs. Quad, sorry. If you wanna flirt, man, just wait till the commercial plays. Mr. Thighs, I'm calling you that from now on. Just call me Mr. Thighs. I was, speaking of being bored at ballpark,

something else that came up in our dinner last night was David Sampson had a story to tell that someone told him after our show yesterday, right? Oh, I do have one. A continuing update in our coverage of the time that David Sampson fired former Marlins Batboy, Nick Cirillo. Brad!

That may have been my reaction to Brad Penny coming on the show. I was getting that sound in sometime today. Yeah, nice job. Brad! I forgot that we had Brad Penny also. Hold on, can we? Nick Cerello and then Brad Penny called in,

startling David Samson to the point where he said this. Brad! Sounds so horrible. We'll save David's story for the next time. I just wanna hear him say Brad a lot. Brad! Yes! Wait a minute. Brad! Hold on, can we imagine?

Who's the guy in the F1 movie? Brad! Can you imagine why, like, all right, we don't know how this happened. What do you think is happening when someone yells this? Brad! Like, is it a cry for help? It's creepy. Brad!

Yeah, it's like you're in a... My phone's ringing. No, it's David Sampson trying to solve a mystery Like is it a cry for help? David Samson Is trying to solve a mystery with in Scooby-Doo and the villain takes his mask off and it's rad There is no chance you've got 97 more seconds of ways that I can still say Brad I Think this is like I think this I think this is in the movie where the nerdy kid becomes friends with the jock and Then the cool kids show up and the jock ignores the nerdy kid and the nerdy kids like I think that there shouldn't be a mental health You make it sound like I'm in the breakfast club

But what happened? Hey, hey, Brad. Come back. I should have said Dominique. Brad. Pablo. Oh my gosh, I'm getting so uncomfortable. Can I get Mike Schur's phone number, please?

Since we're here. I think he specifically told me to never give you his phone. Where did that come from? Cause I feel like I'm in the cool crowd now. So I wanna try to get that out. Another place you can yell Brad is if you go to YouTube and type in Starfish from our brother, Brad Williams. Check out his comedy set right now.

After you watch it, you'll be like, Brad. Great comedian. Brad. It's a really good special, honestly. If you want to buy Shore Excursions, you can do it from Brad Miller. Brad. Or if you get concussed at a country music concert and star you want to be married to Kimberly Paisley Kimberly Williams I mean rad I feel like I'm I think that there shouldn't be

a mental health month anymore I'm all for mental health breaks. As a matter of fact, I'm ready for one just about now. Zurbia. Howdy y'all, it's Mike, and since the dawn of mankind, we've cooked our food over an open flame and debated the best way to grill. One thing that is not up for debate, grilling and beer always go together. Even I know that, and I'm not the manliest American type, but I know that if I'm grilling out there I need a Miller Lite in my hand. Why? Because Miller Lite keeps it simple, undebatable quality, and it tastes as great as my barbecue. It's a beer that strips away everything that I don't need and holds on to what matters most. The light beer with the most taste, less

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visit MillerLite.com slash Dan, or you can find it pretty much anywhere that sells beer. Celebrate responsibly, Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 calories per 12 ounces. Don Lebatard. I just want to get a beer! I want a beer! I want a beer!

I want a beer! I want a beer! I want a beer! I want a beer! I want a beer! I want a beer! I want a beer! I want a beer!

I want a beer! I want a beer! I want a beer! I want a beer! I want a beer! Stugats! Every Cup game! And at what? This is the Don LeBattar Show with the Stugats! Alright, as promised, David Sampson gave us a wild story last night. David, set it up. Brad! This did not come from Brad Penny but it did come from a former player. When we were talking about what

clubbies are meant to do or what sort of bets can be done and Brad Penny gave a guy $500 to drink a gallon of milk, vomited, fired, we know what happened, watch yesterday's show. The way that Brad Penny described this Brad! was with the most velocity he had ever seen someone throw up. It seemed like it was almost straight out into a wall. Exorcist style he said.

And as we found out from Nick Cirillo, it was white. And well, it was from milk. So I had a player text me after the show yesterday because they were interested in what we were doing and said, you think that was bad? We had two clubbies put atomic bomb on their testicles and made them run on the treadmill and the last man standing got paid the money.

Now, these guys at dinner did not know what atomic bomb was. And if you, I said it to them, it is Bengay on steroids. It's icy hot on steroids. It makes steroid taking people look like me. That's how hot atomic bomb is. And to put it on your stones, it's not safe, it's not smart, and it can't work. Yet, that is atomic bomb.

That's a great job. That's great EP right there. Thank you, 42.90. I did all of that. That's quite expensive. I didn't realize it was that expensive. That's, shout out to our video guys. So, yeah, good job. I didn't realize it was that expensive. Shout out to our video guys. I was the one that did that.

Yeah, good job. That made me kind of think that David Seps it was right. The hearing that that story happened made me think, yeah, you gotta put an end to this. At some point, immediately, if somebody's messing around with milk. Conducting human experiments. Does it remind you of the Wolf of Wall Street

when they were doing dwarf tossing? Oh. And you're thinking to yourself, let's not do that. Yeah, I didn't realize that milk chugging was a gateway prank. Because it's like, hey. It's a great line.

Because you're like, all right, hey, because you're like, all right, hey, you have a, you smoke a little weed, no big deal. Did you, can we put that on the poll? What's that, are we doing polls? Is, wait, what's the exact thing you just asked? Is- Milk chugging a gateway prank.

A gateway prank, is milk chugging a gateway prank? What are some other gateway pranks? That is a great poll question. But it made me understand, I mean I understood what you were doing yesterday, but it made me kinda think, yeah, I'd rather deal with being judged for firing somebody for vomiting milk

than live in a workin' place. Calling someone's mommy to say hey. Yeah, hey, we had to amputate your son's testicles because he was having a tiger bomb race with somebody else for $3,000. Wet Willys gateway prank. For sure. Is that the one where you squeeze the nipple?

No, no, no, no. Is that the one in your ear, the finger in your ear? Yes. Clip that, guys, thank you. Yeah. So yeah, it's the wet finger in the ear. I hate that one. You've had that done? Yeah, I've had that done.

How do you feel about the nipples one? I don't love it. The purple nipple? The purple nipple. I feel like we're taking my man back to sixth grade. You're taking me back to, no, this was pretty much the first 18 years of my life. Is that the nipple one? So, what about?

Deep-pancing, like the pool of pants. That's a gateway for me. Dangerous game, that one. What about the one where you lift up the underwear. Hold on, hold on, no, no! Sorry, this is a fun game, I knew that one. No, what's it called? What do you think it's called, what would you call it?

The lifting up the underwear. The lifting up the underwear one, where you put it on a hook and then you get embarrassed. A hook? I didn't do that part. They hung you like an ornament? On the back of the door? It's on a hook, like on a towel hook.

They hung your little ass up like a jacket? All 65 inches David Sands. No, I was not 65 inches this time. I think David, most wedgies is just someone. Wedgies, thank you. Oh, sorry. Most wedgies is just somebody doing it. The hooking up is a move.

I haven't seen that one done. It's a gateway. The hooking up is a move. What else? Yeah, I feel like that is not a gateway. The hooking up. That's the final, that's heroin. Did you guys ever do things where you'd skin someone else's backpack?

Skin it? What does that mean? Where you would turn someone's backpack, you would take someone's backpack during class. Inside out. Without them realizing it, you'd take the books out, you'd turn it inside out, put the books back in, and then you would seal it.

When you said skinning, I had you like, shh. I was picturing like Silence of the Lambs. We called that nuggeting. Nuggeting. It looked like a McDonald's chicken nugget. All right. Nice.

Also, kick me sign on the back. That's a gateway prank. That's definitely a gateway prank. Hey, what's up man, good to see ya. Good to see ya. That's an escalation. All right. Nice. Also, kick me sign on the back. That's a gateway prank. That's definitely a gateway prank. Hey, what's up, man? Good to see you. Good to see you. That's an escalation. That is the top gateway prank.

Done it to my dad so many times. It's great. What else has happened to you, David? There's so many. We just came up with 12 gateway. Is a spitball a gateway prank? I don't know if I consider prank. Is that a prank?

Well, not after COVID. That's a jailable offense. Did you have other things done to you? It was just all about size. It was all about being short. What's the one, don't they, like, I've never actually seen this happen, but I've seen like on TV and stuff, they put people's head in the toilet. Oh, the, I've never seen that live. Nah, that's a felony one prank.

That is not a gateway prank. That is not a gateway prank. I've never actually seen anyone who's had that done to them. In the movies you do. I'm trying to think of pranks, the NFL pranks that I had been a part of are like, they're like the common ones that you see, like put packing peanuts in someone's car.

We had a rookie who refused to pay for rookie dinner one time, and it was my year. It was my position, too. And so, when we went into change, they took his keys, they took the wheels off his car, put them on blocks, and sent him on a scavenger hunt to find his keys. When he finally found his keys, he came out in the car, had peanuts in it, and it was on blocks. That was kinda mean. That's elaborate. Yeah. That's not a gateway, okay, hazing.

It's not a gateway prank. The college one where we were younger and a lot dumber wasn't like a hazing situation, because we just had to sing. But it was like a prank war going on, and the big prank that you would do, I don't know if they still do this, but you had to log in to different computers around campus, and you have to have your own login.

So use your email and your password so you can get to whatever your saved documents are, whatever, and you have your own wallpaper. So what you would do is if someone left their computer open, you go in and change their wallpaper to something inappropriate and then log them off. So then they're in the middle of the student union, they open their wallpaper up.

Like, Mr. Marcus. Damn right. The thing that would most embarrass 20-something year old man, that is what was on the wallpaper. I'm gonna say a website. I'm gonna move right past it if no one recognizes it. What was that? I'm gonna say a website.

You like squished the sentence together. I was gonna say a website. Meatspin.com. Is that the one where you squeeze the nipple? Classic. Got him. No, do not put that on the screen. Is that the one where you squeeze the nipple? You're gonna cut the nipple one too?

Oh, okay. Flat tires. Oh, that's like you step on somebody's shoe. Also a class as a misdemeanor. What used to be called Indian burns, remember those? Oh. That I've had done to me. Where you squeeze two fists, you're squeezing the skin. Right.

What do you call that now? I don't think we ever reclassify. A native burn. A Native American burn? Just Native. Just Native? A first Americans burn. Oh, the noogie.

Yeah, it's not that exciting. That's not a good one. Are you on a website of fetishes or pranks? I'm not going to confirm or deny that. What's the craziest thing you did? What's the rookie prank that was done to you or that you did to a rookie? Because the rim one, that's not... No, I mean, the rim one. The rim one. Thank you. Ba-dum.

Is that the one with the nipples? Brad! There wasn't a lot of. Brad! You go. You go Brad to the nipple. Brad! Is that the one where you squeeze the nipple?

Why are you asking Brad that? Leave that alone. I've never squeezed Brad Penny's nipples. Oh gosh. I've never squeezed Brad Penny's nipples. Brad! Is that the one where you squeeze the nipple? Why are you asking Brad that? Leave that alone. I've never squeezed Brad Penny's nipples. Oh gosh. So, um, we didn't have a lot- Cut it up.

Man, I like that Chris is like a professional wrestler and that man goes to his special move every chance he gets. Rock bottom. It's like, hey. It's like Hakeem with the dream shake. Chris has really come into his own the course of this show today. He's way more comfortable, which is great. Every time down the floor,

give it to me on the low block. Too much attention to me. Back to you guys. I wanna know, because what we did with rookies is there's not a lot of hazing allowed anymore. So we would have rookie players dress up as women, I wanna know because what we did with rookies is there's not a lot of hazing allowed anymore. So we would have rookie players dress up as women and now you can't do that anymore.

They dress up, we'd have them as Hooters girls and they'd have to go out in public. Oh yeah, we didn't have anything like that. It was just like you would have to sing, get your hair cut, that sort of stuff, like minor stuff that no one really cared about. And the only time it would get bad is if you like push back and you kinda act like you were too good.

And as long as you paid for dinner, you got the doughnuts, you did what you had to do, there was no issue. I had to chug syrup. Oh, because you like joined one of those. At Harvard? No, the high school debate team. What?

Brad! High school debate team hazing? We went to IHOP. That must be major hazing. Competitive. And we had to chug a whole? We went to IHOP, we had the state champion hazing. Competitive. And we had to chug the whole thing of syrup at IHOP. Is that the one where you squeeze the nipple? That's not the IHOP you squeeze the nipple.

No, David, relax. Can you let us chill, man? Stop bringing us back to the nipples all the time. Shag had the worst prank ever where he put a bloody mouthpiece in his crotch, played a game, and then gave it back to him. You know who would have loved that though? Brad. is a crutch, played a game and then gave it back to him. You know who would have loved that though? Felony.

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