The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Hour 2: Johnny Manziel

Episode Date: August 7, 2023

Dan and Stugotz are joined by Johnny Manziel to discuss his Untold: Johnny Football documentary, his attempted suicide and much more. Plus, NCAA conference realignment, Jimbo Fisher saying it's all about money now and Domonique Foxworth getting a DVD player for winning an ACC conference championship. If you are having thoughts of suicide, you can call or text 988 to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to Giraffe King's Network. This is the Dunlabel Tarshall with the Stugat's Podcast. So Jimbo Fisher has weighed in on College Football Realignment and said that it's all about the money. People are only doing it for the money. Jimbo Fisher said that. How much is he making? How much more than God? Yes, he is. This is crazy. It really is. I wonder how people feel about this, too, guys, because maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe you just want to make for television conference and it'll give you all the big games and strip all of the syspoon buy out of it don't care anymore just give me semi professional football that has no tradition no honor no anything it's just mercenary football players pretending

to go to college so we can all make a bunch of money because we love our Saturdays and the transactions that brazen that greedy it's just ha ha ha remember when you thought that it was about cheerleaders and marching bands? No, it's about, what can we put on television for how much money? All the mercenary coaches are gonna fight each other for the money, all the players are gonna want money

and it's gonna be professional football on Saturdays that's less good than Sundays, but it loses all of the stuff. The pageantry is gone, Stu Gotts. Like it's... Well, there's still Ohio State and Michigan. There's still some of those games, didn't it? Iowa?

Okay, but what are we doing? What are... It's not that anymore. Like it's just... Yeah, but you know what it is? It's entertaining. It fills my Saturdays. It's something I can gamble on.

I don't really care about conference realignment. I know many people do. I'm just not one of them. I care about the four teams, or the 16s, the 18s, whatever it's gonna be that are standing at the end of the year. You just want Saturday football by semi-professional. Yeah, yep. I don't think you're, I don't know the right Dan.

I think all the pageantry that you're talking about, I don't know that it goes anywhere. I think it's as authentic as it was before. It's still gonna be just as authentic. The colors of the jerseys aren't going to change. The names of the schools aren't going to change. And I think that's what people get tied up in. They could care less about who are in the jerseys as much as they care about the colors of the jerseys and what they represent to them. So yeah, I do think some of the rivalries will be lost because of the realignment, but you'll get new rivalries.

And if your team is good, you'll love college football. If your team stinks, you're going to hate college football. House always been. I think the rivalries is the biggest loss for college football, because Oregon, Oregon State is one of the most fun rivalries in the sport. And we are going to lose out on that. And you're going to start to see this happen, though, because everything is so money based that the ACC is probably gonna end up falling apart. And rivalries we know there, Florida State Miami, Florida State Climps, and those aren't going to be the same anymore, it's all like taking away from the student athletes,

specifically the non football player student athletes are gonna get hurt by this the most. And then the fans are losing, you know, the games they love, the ability to travel to close games, it's really, really bad for all of college athletics. I don't know what I'm gonna do with that Oregon, Oregon state. It's a war.

But you are the, you're, you're, you are the breaking point, Chris Cody. All you want is Saturday games to watch, to gamble on. Give me a game day. But, but you also have no earthly idea, and have known it and no point in your life, what it's like to actually care about a rivalry that feels like that on the football field that week the fans

It feels regional feels like your high school School spirit just exploded in a mushroom cloud of this comes from a different time you're from Miami Yeah, you have no experience with what this actually is, but it's what's been sold. And maybe it doesn't matter that it's been sold because we can pretend it's still amateurism. We'll fool ourselves into anything, but what college sports will be now on Saturday is more brazen capitalism than it's ever been. It's made for television programming that is not about education, scholarships, it's all about can my team buy better players than Alabama? But Miami and Florida State hasn't been a thing for a while now in large part because those teams and those programs aren't any good

So that game hasn't really mattered and I'm still fine with college football But it still matters to the fans like even when I was bad I hope they kick the shit out of Wisconsin, you know, we don't but I hope Like it's it's not about like people will show up for college games. Like Nebraska sells out every game and they have not been good in years. Like, it's about the tradition and the rivalry and the experience.

And that's gonna be diminished when Nebraska's having to travel to Seattle, you know, once a year. So, she loves college football. I know. You don't. I know. But I'm saying, that's where the disconnect is.

But she really loves college football. But I think there are's where the disconnect is. But she really loves college. Yeah, but I think there are lots of people like her in different parts of the country. And we aren't like that. So I think it's, I'm probably guilty of this also where it's like, it's always been professional. And that's why at the start of the segment, I feel like I might feel a little different

than I did at the beginning of the segment where I was thinking like, it's not really going to change anything, but for the people who live and die by it and when Lucy made the point about traveling to the games and I do remember even in Maryland, there were some fans who really liked to just drive down to when we would go kick Virginia's ass or drive down to Clemson or Georgia Tech.

It's a whole lot different when you gotta go to Ohio State or Michigan and that changes. I imagine for people in the South and in the Midwest that don't have professional teams, they are gonna lose some of this. It's course so still doing head gear. Right. That's all you care about.

That's all I care about. It's why you still playing at midnight. It's a good night break. No, they will, they. Is McAfee doing head gear now? How's this working? Dominic, I wanted to ask you about this because you care about the Maryland program

and one of the things that quietly happen because the monetization of this has been really fascinating to watch that to his kid brother who seemed exceptional to me last year surrounded by a whole lot of people on his team who weren't that exceptional that the SEC cc teams were coming after him with kyle trask money pro money like desmond ritter money money that that that guys were in the leak uh... malice willis money that to us kid brother is an economy that could have gone to the s cc for a price and decided to stay

at marlin for whatever it is his reasons are at whether it's loyalty or anything else but But Dominic, you don't think that those transactions are going to be something that cheapens the sport, the idea that the SEC team can just come in and just buy your quarterback from a lesser team? Well, they didn't buy them because we bought them back. I think it would actually happen. And to be fair, we got lots of other great players too. It's just the O-line, D-Line situation. It's tough in Maryland to get power up there.

But anyway, aside from all that stuff, yeah, it doesn't change it for me. And at that's the point I was making that I think I might be wrong because it's different for like here in Lucy talk about it, reminds me that I do know people like this. It's just not who I am. And so I have the illusion of college football being all this pageantry stuff

that you're talking about, Dan. I lost that my freshman year. I was red straighting the whole year. And they burned my red shirt because we had a chance to win the conference for the last two games. Burn my red shirt. We won those games and we won the ACC tournament.

We went to the Orange Bowl and we got DVD players. We came back, all the coaches had new cars and the head coach got a $10 million extension and we got a bag of sweatshirts. And that's when I was like, all right, this is not sys boom by, whatever all that BS that Dan was talking about, that's when it died for me.

So like seeing all this stuff happen now, you're like, yeah, I don't care the same way. And I think that when you are inside the machine, it looks different. And I think you're probably right for people like Lucy and other fans who are outside of it. They say, it's the whole illusion,

and it's something else. The business of it that hits you with a gift bag on your first day is not what fans think they're buying. It's not what they're celebrating on Saturdays. That's not to see the injustice create a total wild west of brazen selfishness where literally nothing matters, but dollars can be unsurprising to you because you've been in the belly of the beast. But God almighty, there's supposed to be a difference between college football and

pro football that isn't just your or minor leagues and that's it like it's supposed to mean something more than that is it not there's a difference you can only play for four seasons what brand the sweatshirts no the DVD players i don't know you still have it you still have the DVD player the one the one that you got for tearing up your body on behalf of school spirit. Hell no, I don't have a DVD player. Or I still have the ring that is replete with fake diamonds.

Wow. The thing that hurts when he just says my red shirt season, they burned it. Think about what he's saying there. He sat what? Nine games? Yep. We sat eight games and we were leading the ACC. We went down the Florida state and

was it Walker, Javon Walker went off on the corner that we had there and we lost by one touchdown, I think. And the following week that corner was injured and we needed to buy two games. Yep. Did you want to play in those two games? Of course, because I'm brainwashed by football. Like, I was such a joy to be like, all right, now I can be a part of this. Now, yes, I would love to sacrifice for my guys. Let me go out there and do that.

And we won, and it was fun. And then we went down the Orange Bowl and University of Florida beat the dogs, shit out of us. They should have been in a natty day. I don't know why they was messing with Marilyn in the Orange Bowl. and University of Florida beat the dogs shit out of us. They should have been in a natty day. I don't know why he was messing with Maryland and Orange Bowl. It is fun. You robbed of 10 games.

He was not only robbed of 10 games in a portion of his youth. He learned an early lesson on how disposable he is and then became someone who worked in finance at the leagues because it's like, man, this is shitty from early, the way they use up our bodies. And don't give us anything but a DVD player. I should fight for more purposeful things because I thought that the height of sports was me getting to the top of this and they don't care about me at all. It's a fun experience to watch it happen to quarterbacks because it happens to all of

us at some point where you realize they don't really care about you you're expendable but the quarterbacks they don't believe it happens to them until eventually it does. Andrew Lux available. Sorry Peyton we're good on you. Your shoulder goes out. Drew Breeze, guess you better leave. Drew Breeze was one of the more active quarterbacks in the union because he learned early on that you are just one of us.

Sorry Tom Brady, when us six Super Bowls, you gotta go too. We don't want you here either. So it's a long process. Corners learn early, D lineman learn early, quarterbacks slow to learn that they don't really give a shit about you.

It's fascinating because they did treat with kid gloves a little bit at the end of the season because quarterbacks do get treated differently. At the end of last season, Derek Carr and Mario to lost their jobs and the teams were like, you could just leave. You don't have to work anymore. Just take the last three weeks off.

Or they were like, I'm not coming back to work. You've taken my job and that's it. Like very quietly, they just got run off the mill. They're gonna have to end up somewhere else, no matter what they gave to their teams, but it seems like at the end, they were allowed a different set of rules where they were allowed to collect their paycheck.

They weren't released. They were just leaving. Being a quarterbacks, pretty nice. Yeah. Seems pretty awesome. People getting trouble if they touch you in practice. They get more trouble if they tackle you in the games. It's a little stressful though, but I think like good life.

They're the only stars though. They're the only guys in the commercials. They're the only ones. In that sport where everyone is disposable, I feel like that's almost by design. They change the rules to protect sound-breeding because we got like 12 guys who have actual value. There's nothing funnier to me than when you're watching

the promos to the Thursday night football game and they're not quarterbacks that are any good and they like watch TJ what? TJ what? Try to tackle Derek Henry. They put up the two players where they're promoing next week's game and it's like, ah, we got a real serious outside backer guys. And it's going to come back and got a real serious outside backer guys. And it's going to come back and we're all going to eat it up and

we're going to forget all about it. And you know, ah, Hamlin, yeah, so you almost died. Never mind about all that. So they can't play him, right? He wants to play. They can't cut him. They got it. They got to give my man a job.

Like, you got to work for the team. That's the move, right? You work for the team, give him a good salary, so you can put that man back on the team. Oh. Are you not familiar with this sport? Are you not familiar with it? They don't want to be embarrassed.

Don Lebatard. We get some golf, they have some hearts. Stugats. Oh, this is the Don Lebatard show with the Stugats. I'm excited about this, not just this conversation, but also untold on Netflix does a good job, and I really want to see the layers that I missed while it was happening on Johnny Manzel, because it seems like it was great to be him, and it seems like it was awful to be him. And I feel like we got an incomplete picture because he got grabbed by TMZ and the fame

monster and he was very young. And then he gets ransacked by the whole thing. And it felt to me while I was watching it, man, this guy might be struggling with some mental stuff that isn't being made any better by how we're treating him as a society, as a social media when he's not yet an adult. So I don't mean to speak for him, but Johnny Manzell is with us, and I'll start here. Thank you for joining us, Johnny.

Is this the place where I'm going to finally get the Manzell story that has all the layers where I can understand it a little bit better than I understood it while it was happening? Yeah, this will be a little bit a little bit different view that a lot of people got to see in the past. Like you said earlier, I think Untold tells a great story. After watching this a couple days ago, I definitely feel that that's what you're going to get. What were the parts where you got emotional watching it? I think just a lot of the stuff that has to do with my family, you know.

You know, during those times 2013-14 going through the whole process of everything, you know, I don't know how much I was really aware because of You know, just living my own life and you know struggling with things on my own But how much it affected my family and just the people closest to me in my life, so you know looking back at it now to see, you know, how they handled it, how it was for them, you know, definitely made me a little emotional. When was it fun and when was it dark? Like, can you separate these things and looking back at it

or was there a lot of darkness that then got fueled by booze and was fun, but you realized that you were sort of self-medicating. Yeah, I don't think it really got to a point of where I started to feel mental health struggles until I got to Cleveland. So, you know, I had never really had any bad times up until probably the fall of 2014. College was great then, right? You were having a great time in college.

It's all your dreams come true, yes? Yeah, well, for sure. And did you get the hurt of the machine is using me, I'm making tons of money for this school and I'm not getting much of it? I'm not sure if that's how I felt at the time. I think I just at that point in time outgrown college station a little bit where being in a town like that just was, you know, it was hard to move, it was hard to breathe, it was hard to go to class. That's why I took online classes

during my second season at A&M. It was just really like being a shark and a fish tank at some point in time there. What happened once you got to the NFL? You enjoyed college, but that was your lowest time you're saying. So what happened when you got to the NFL? You know, I think, you I think during my time in Cleveland, I think getting there early on,

I lost confidence in my ability to be able to go out and do what I had always done really easily, really well. And when you're struggling in your game, and then you take it, and the football side is not going the way that you wanted to and then your home life, and what you're doing and you, you know, the football side is not going the way that you want it to and then your home life and what you're doing, you know, when you're sitting by yourself and when you're trying to get away from the game of football,

when that's just as big of a struggle is what you're dealing with on the field, you know, you just wake up every day and you kind of go on through it 24, seven struggle and at that point in time in Cleveland, I don't think I really knew that I was depressed. You know, I don't think I knew much of anything about a mental health struggle or that that was even a real possibility.

Well, explain this part to me, though, Johnny, because college is great and you're not exploring any of these things. You're a kid, you're having fun, all your dreams come true. But at some point, you were diagnosed as bipolar, correct? Yeah, this wasn't until 2017. And so what was happening before then? There was no darkness in college. There wasn't any issue where you would have to be introspective because everything felt fun and great.

Yeah, no, I didn't have to be at all. I just was so in the flow of things that I never really had much time during those times at A&M to slow down I didn't really slow down. It was you know full blast all the time and I didn't have a I didn't have a chance then to just sit back and reflect and You know feel introspective like that or even go back into anything So you weren't dark is it possible like it sounds like what you're saying is the burden of being a professional quarterback in Cleveland is what essentially revealed to me that I was bipolar.

You know, I don't think I found out that I was bipolar until, you know, a later date and time. You know, I think if you ask my family and people who observe me during the years before, I think they would have told you that they saw signs of things here and there. But I think just the law of life, coming down from such a high has nothing to do with being in Cleveland or this or that because the year after when I'm living in LA

for the next couple years, I think that's where it started to poke its head out a little bit more. So I wouldn't say that I really figured out the majority of these struggles until I had gone out and lived some life and been away completely from the game of football for a while. Did you have a drinking problem? You know, looking back on it now, I think I definitely did at that time. I was just non-stop blowing and going and, yeah, it wasn't good for me.

It wasn't good for being a professional athlete. And I was doing anything that I could to try and get out of my own reality and out of my own head for any period of time that it would allow me to. What did you imagine your pro career going like when you got there and how soon did you realize I'm ill equipped for what's happening right now? I'm not studying enough, I'm not doing the right things. You know, I felt like when I came back my second year in Cleveland, you know, early on in the season,

you know, I felt like I was playing better, you know, a guy in Josh McCown, got to Cleveland with us that year and instilled a ton of confidence in me. He kind of got it back to where it was fun to be in the quarterback room and be able to go play football. And, you know, not until the end of that season with how that season went for us did I think that it was going to go any differently. So I mean even after having a bad rookie year getting in late in the season you know playing six seven quarters of football throughout that whole year you know I still had a lot of confidence that was going to be able to write the ship

and be able to do the things that I needed to go be a good quarterback in the NFL. You know, obviously that didn't end up happening, didn't end up transpiring, but, you know, I had confidence all the way up until probably midway through the 2015 season. Untold Johnny football premieres tomorrow, I'm really looking forward to this

because this guy's story is Interesting and it sounds like he gave it all up It sounds like he could look at it in retrospect and learn some things that he didn't know at the time Leaving footballer being done with with football Johnny a Relief or did you look at it and say ah I wasted a chance I could have been better Yeah, I mean I have nobody to blame for this situation other than myself. It was completely up to me to go do the right things

and I did it. So looking back now, years later, it's a great question. It took me a long time to really understand that there's more to life than just playing the game of football. That there's more to life and just playing the game of football. That there's more to life and that you can be happy doing other things other than throwing a pick skin around.

So I'm more at peace with it now. I'm able to still watch the game, still able to be a fan of the game of football. And that's what I wanted to be. I don't wanna feel like I did a couple of years after I left the NFL and be mad at the game and maybe be a little bit jaded. So, you know, life works in funny ways.

Sometimes the way you think it's going to go is not necessarily what you're meant for. And there's more to life, you know? So I'm happy now and happier than I was during those times, for sure. I appreciate the gratitude and the perspective, but I wanna try and pin you down. Leaving football is a relief to you,

or if you had to choose from between the two. Do you look back at it and say, man, I wasted a golden opportunity, or is it a relief because now you're up? Of course, of course, there's nothing worse than waste the talent. You can't say that what I did during my time in college didn't have an immense amount of talent.

So it is a little bit of a relief, but at the same time, you still live with some regret and being mad about how it played out. Johnny, did you really think the wig, the mustache, those things, that disguise was going to work in Vegas? Did you? I, you know, I don't know that whole time, you know, the end of Cleveland for me, you know, that year was such a tough year.

I think I would have done anything to get out. So whether I thought it was going to work or this or that or not, you know, that was the first time where I was really willing and ready to do absolutely anything to get out of the situation that I was in. Put us in there then, put us with you at whatever that is where you're saying, I need to blow off some steam and Vegas because I need to get away from this poison. This is not healthy for me. What is happening in your life the day's leading up to that?

You know, I'm pretty sure towards the end of that season, you know, I was injured. So I wasn't playing was our last game of the season. You know, my mindset was get out of Cleveland. Maybe I won't ever have to come back here. Maybe I'll get cut. I won't have to, you know, I won't even have to step foot back in the city again. I felt while some of that was happening. Johnny, tell me if I've got it wrong.

You may be too young, Charlie Sheen, when he was disintegrating in public. It's felt to me like that's what was happening with you that your rich kid, the media is just pounding you. You're looking like the face of privileged irresponsibility, throwing away a great opportunity. And I'm thinking as I'm watching it, this dude's not well. He needs some help, he needs some people, and I'm sure they were reaching out to you. I'm thinking as I'm watching it, this dude's not well. He need some help.

He need some people and I'm sure they were reaching out to you. I'm sure your family was trying, but who's going to reach out and get this young man's attention so he doesn't keep, you know, setting himself on fire? Yeah, I mean, my family tried their best. I think I just removed myself from everybody, you know, I removed myself from my friends. I completely went to a new place. And I almost feel for a point in time that I had so many people around me

that were doing so much for me, that I never learned any life on my own. I never really did anything for myself or learned any lessons the hard way or had to deal with anything like that. So as much as somebody can try, you can always lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. So, it had to be something that I realized on my own.

One day the party's going to end. One day this is all going to end, and you're stuck sitting there with just you and yourself. And those times are what I learned the most from. And what did you learn? What can you tell us that you learn that gives you a new perspective in adulthood? Because I imagine all of that, what we're talking about, changes you profoundly.

Yeah, it does. You know, I think for a while when you're young like that, you think everything's gonna be, you know, you know, for where I was while when you're young like that, you think everything's going to be, you know, for where I was in life, life was easy. You know, things were good, you have people kissing your ass all the time. You know, you're the talk of the town, you're this, you're that. And when you get internally with yourself, when you can't look in a mirror, when you can't, you know,

when you get to a point where you start to see struggles in life and the whole, you know, house of cards that you have around you is kind of just falling down. You know, when you get to a point in your life where you can't even walk by a mirror, you can't look at yourself. You can't really stomach the fact of what decisions you've made in your life. And there's nobody else around. The parties over, all the funds done, all the people that are kissing your ass were gone. There's things that change inside yourself.

I don't know the best way to really describe it. I don't think it was a flip switching kind of moment. It gradually happened a little bit more over time. But it's hard to pinpoint exactly what it is, you know. When you get so down that you want to, you know, no longer be living on the surface and no longer living in this life, there are definitely things in your head and then and the internal battle that, you know, that change. Did the alcohol make that worse? Probably, I'm sure I had something to do with it. Because I can't imagine the kind of darkness

that you were experiencing there. And how grateful you are to have emerged from it. Because I think a lot of people are gonna be surprised by this story, Johnny, and perhaps make you slightly more human than you've been. You've been a cartoon character for a long time. A celebrity cartoon character. A grade. Your dad, when you look back on it, or the people reaching out to you trying to

rescue you, is there a place where you push them away that causes you more heartbreak than others? No, I don't think so. You know, get into the point where I'm at in my life today with the relationship that I have with my dad and my family are better today because we've gone through that. And I think it all happens for a reason. And you allowed them to love you? They reached you?

Yeah. Don Lebertard. He said while you were off there, while the connection was bad, he had mentioned that you have lost a lot of weight and that he admires that. What got into you? Why did you decide? I thought it was all... I thought we enjoyed being about the monkey.

Yeah. Oh, it's luring again. Okay. The connection is bad again. Unfortunately. Back to Magnus. Okay, back to Magnus. Magnus. And this is bad again. Unfortunately. Back to Magnus. Okay, back to Magnus Magnus.

And this is going about as well. As if you go, thank you, Billy, again, for laughing in my face. Stugatz. Magnena Hamilton. You guys can hear me. Yes, we can hear you. Hello. Yes, sir, action.

Hello. Action. Man, I'm really sorry. This is literally the worst way to ever do this. This is burning my heart that this is happening. But if you could hear me, just understand, I'm sorry. This is the Daler Batar Show with the Stugats. When you look back on it,

were there many teammates who were confronting you about being a better leader, better quarterback? You know, at that point in time, no. You know, I think every opportunity that I've got over the last couple years to be around my teammates, you know, I've let them know the remorse that I have about how I was as a teammate, about how I was as a, you know, a worker in that locker room. You know, I have a lot of regrets about my second year at A&M. We were a better team than we went out on the field

and performed. And I think a lot of it had to do with having your quarterback not be there grinding the way that he was the year before. When you look back at regrettable conversations and spots you had to put almost teammates in because they're trying to help you and cover things up, I saw you had another quarterback at Texas A&M taking and passing drug test for you. Like, what put us in there, that conversation, asking a player to do that.

Like, with that. Yes, yeah. I don't necessarily agree with that or think that happened whatsoever. So, you know, there may be a piece from, you know, my buddy's Nate side, my buddy Nate side, where he saw something like that or thought he did, but in no way shape or form, did that ever happen? Did I ever go to another quarterback or another person on our team and ask him to do that to pass a drug test? So, you know, there's a lot that gets lost in translation.

This documentary is pretty spot on, but to kind of harp on that one thing, that never happened whatsoever for one second at a hand. You know, coach Summlin, I will say was hard on me. You know, he was strict on me and he did put things in place for me to try and hold me accountable and do certain things. So I'll always be grateful for him for doing that. John, you're quoted as saying, I have a deep hatred against the NCAA. What?

You know, I think just the way that they handled certain situations, you know, just certain stories that we've all seen from the past of what an impermecible benefit was of what, you know, certain stories that happen throughout the years that you hear about just rub me the wrong way. You know, I think the current state of college football

was the way that it is because of how, you know, the way it should be because of how big the business has got of college football. You know, it's one of the biggest draws, the biggest shows on television throughout the year, the money that's brought into it, you know, everything. It is better and more correct the way that things are now being able to capitalize

off a name image and likeness for people or for people that are bringing a ton of monetary value. Untold Johnny football Netflix premieres tomorrow. Why did you do it, Johnny? Why is it important to do it? You know, I think, you know, for me, I love the stories that Untold has been telling for the last couple of years that I've been watching. You know, I walk down the street every day and have people come up to me and be like, you know, are you still playing football? Are you this or that? And it felt like the right time to eliminate you know, questions that I get to tell my story

to put a chapter of my life behind and be able to finally move on, you know. I don't want to even though I deal with, you know, being Johnny football and dealing with the story for probably the rest of my life, at least it gives me some closure and at least it allows me to, you know, move on to a different phase into my life. What's important for you, for people to know? Yeah, now I'm a happier person. You know, I'm in a better place now with less than I was in the past with more. I can sit here and say that I've got a smile on my face today, I've got gratitude, I've got my family. Those are things that I can say I didn't have at one point in time of my life. What do you look back on when you look back at your college days and think most fondly about.

You know, I think I'm very thankful for, you know, my university. I'm very thankful for Texas A&M, my teammates. I'm my coaches, you know, I still got to go live a dream for, for what I, for, you know, what I wanted to do as a kid, you know, what I wanted to do growing up. To be able to go make the impact that I did, have the amount of fun, win some football games, win a Heisman trophy, for me it was legendary,

and for me sitting here today, I appreciate the ride. Johnny, because there were some positives, like winning the highest minute as you pointed out, beating Alabama at Alabama, and your nickname is football. I mean, that has to feel good. I mean, it would for me. Yeah, I mean, it does.

Everybody, and a lot of people like to harp on the negative, and I think for a long time, I did as well. But, you know, I sit here today, hold my head high with what I accomplished on that college football field, wish I could have I accomplished on that college football field. Wish I could have continued it on further into the NFL. And it just wasn't meant to be. Johnny, do I have this right?

I'm reading between the lines. I feel like you went from college to the pros and you got to the pros and you're like, oh shit, this is a military school. I don't like the way this feels at all. This is not fun. This is responsibility. This is playbooks.

This is pressure. This doesn't feel the same. This is a business. No, not the pressure, not the military style. You know, I grew up with that. In my high school football program, I'm not necessarily sure at that time that I really felt pressure. I really felt like I felt struggles in life. Okay. When you get up every single day and you can't see color and you can't put a smile on your face. When you can't do anything like that and you get to a point in your life or your head is telling you that you're absolutely drowning. Has nothing to do with football, has nothing to do with anything. What team you're on, what the locker room is, you can't get up in your day and have a good day.

Has nothing to do with anything else that's going on outside of that? That's where I was in my life at that time. It wasn't me coming to a realization that, oh, maybe this isn't what I wanna do or whatever the facts may have been or whatever may look like. Now, I was just struggling in life

with people coming up to me and asking if I was okay, me being like, of course. You know, I didn't know that it was okay to tell somebody, you know, I'm struggling. It seems like football players aren't really trained to do that part, right? Because I was reading stories this weekend. Worse is moving from right tackle to left tackle in Tampa.

He's great. He's great at what he does. And he needs to go see a team psychologist and he's being quoted as saying, I didn't know I could talk about my feelings. I didn't know that. That was a thing that I could tell people about my anxiety. Football does not welcome that exactly.

No, and I think when I would meet people like that during my two years, I was stubborn and not allowing myself to be vulnerable and be open, and be honest about what I was really going through. You know, I would sit down with somebody like that and maybe say 10 words throughout an entire meeting with somebody. Because I just couldn't do it at that time. How are you now?

Like, does watching this back, does that bring up any of these dark places, or is it like therapeutic for you? No, I don't think it brings up any dark places. I'm in a better place today. So, bringing this, watching this documentary and seeing this kind of get portrayed, I'm excited about it.

I'm happy about it. I have ways of coping when I'm having days like that. I have methods and things to do now that allow me freedom in my own mind. I'm not a prisoner of my own mind like I was at one point in the past. Are you able to look back on these crazy fun times that you had?

You've partied in Vegas with Grunk, or are all these just negative memories for you now? Are you able to pinpoint specific nights like, man, that was a wild fun night. That is, you're being a little absolute there. Yeah, I mean, there were plenty of times I still look back to the stay and be like, you know, that was a blast. Was that situation sometimes even, you know, even real life? You know, what a time. But, but you know I only look back on things

now as a positive and that's really the way that I'm and that I'm rolling moving. What was the best night? Come on, paper picture. Come on see I knew that's what you were gonna do. I knew that's all you cared about. You have not been impressive in this interview. It's too hard to pinpoint one. There's there's some great nights out there and probably you know a lot that I'm gonna have to to keep to myself. That's what he wanted. There's something in there. There's something great nights out there and probably a lot that I'm gonna have to to keep to myself That's what he wanted something there Thank you. That's why you're the you didn't get it out of it. That's why you're the investigative journalist that you are It's important that it tell me about the best party. Yes. He had a lot of great parties Thank you for getting to the bottom of that excellent investigator

It was hoping you read but he had no one peep so nobody peeped for him, but be clear on that no one peep for me. But be clear on that no one peep for him. Just be clear on that you asshole. Thank you. Johnny, just before you get out of here because I did not know this part. I did not, I mean, that you purchased the gun to take your own life that you were fortunate that it just didn't go off the right way. You know, I can't really tell you exactly that night was a lot of a blur, but you know, I did have this plan in my head throughout throughout that year that that's what I was

going to do. You know, I had no idea how I was going to overcome not what I just fucked up that year. How do you go from the high of the high, give up all that, you waste your talent, you ruin your NFL career, your football career is most likely over. What's next? You hear this with guys all the time,

but life after football, people have a hard time adjusting to that, and really when your whole identity, it's flush bound down the toilet, and you have nobody else to blame, but yourself, what else is there to live for? How do you overcome this? It felt like a point where I just wanted to give up

and disappear and not for just a small amount of time. Johnny, thank you for sharing your story with us, sir, and thank you again. I will tell the audience Netflix, Johnny football, untold is the series. It's exceptional. Thank you, Johnny. Appreciate it. Thank you, boys. Have a good day. All right, apologies for Chris's questions. You're good. Hahaha!