The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Hour 2: Something About These 'Mc' Coaches (feat. Amin Elhassan)

Episode Date: August 13, 2025

"It's like clicking on...'" Amin delivers his Weekend Observations, including the Top 5 Most Embarrassing Things to Buy at CVS. Plus, for the first time (and probably last time), instead of Jeremy telling the crew not to use a certain word, it's the crew that has to tell him. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Look, every football game is a grind, and if you're like Dan and the crew, you know there's no such thing as one size fits all. Your sleep should be just as custom as coach's game plan. That's where sleep number comes in. You get to call your own plays. Softer, firmer, cooler, warmer, your side, your comfort, change it whenever you want. No more feeling stuck like a busted play. And for all the late night fights over the thermostat, climate series cools up 20 times faster than the competition. True temp betting kicks heat and humidity to the sidelines so you can.

actually stay chill all night long. Bottom line, sleep number is like having a sleep coach in your corner, adjusting to you all night because your best game starts with the right rest. Why choose a sleep number smart bed? So you can sleep just the way that you like. The only bed that lets you make each side firmer or softer whenever you like. Your sleep number setting. Sleep number's biggest sale of the year is here.

All beds on sale. Up to 50% off the limited edition smart bed, limited time, exclusively at a sleep number store near you. Sleep Number, official sleep and wellness partner of the NFL, see Store or Sleep Number.com for details. This is the Dan Levatore show with the Stucats podcast. It is time for... I mean. To share his game notes.

No one in the media will tell you what happened better than my boy. I mean. Weekend observations. Presented by Miller Light. Then, after what felt like an eternity of waiting, a lifetime of nothingness, a vast gaping hole in all our lives, Friday night came, and salvation arrived, and people rejoiced, not just in Miami, but all over the country, and indeed the world, and just like that, make no mistake. Las Roses is back. Yeah. Yeah.

And also NFL football. You guys know what the L in NFL football stands for? What? Las Roses. Jadour Sanders. Force into a starting role due to injuries. Stintillating. Two touchdowns in the first half.

You guys know what else? The L in NFL football stands for? Looks like the real deal. Afterwards, Jadour confronts longtime Brown's beat reporter Tony Grosie in the tunnel. Do you guys know what else the L and NFL football stands for? Long time.

And also legendary. Tony Grosie. Did on ESPN Cleveland, he told Shadour, this was a big night for you. You guys know what else the L in NFL football stands for let's not get carried away the preseason game what do we do it the big night come on now asia wilson dropping the wmba's first 30-20 game goat diana tarasie dropping more f-bombes in her documentary than points scored in her career my goat show hey otani

Hit with a $240 million lawsuit on Friday. Then hit three homers on the next three days. You know what that's called? Silencing the critics. Believing that Mike McDaniel could break up an actual NFL fight is like clicking on the jerkmate logo and believing you're about to watch Stranger Things. What happened there?

You guys know about this, jerk mate? I hate clicking on it by accident. I know. I thought I was going to see Stranger Things. I saw Stranger Things, though. Buying your doughs from CVS. Dangerous game. Top five most embarrassing things to buy from CVS.

OLI. Tampons. I know. It's normal. Everyone goes in, but it's just like something weird about me going to the counter with tampons. I don't know. Ha, because period.

OLAI. Exactly, you get attached, right? OLAI, condoms. I always keep waiting for the cashier to say, congratulations on the sex. OLAI, hard liquor. I get my middle of light from a CVS, no problem. I get a hard liquor, I feel like, it seems like I have a problem.

I don't have a liquor license. I couldn't agree more with you, Amin. Strong agree. The hell it doesn't. The hell it doesn't, Zaz. See, you have a bit to the right CVS. Speaking of hell. Not yet. Later on, sorry.

All right. Number five. Depends. It just means you shit yourself, right? Number four. Supplements. You know the kind of. talking about. Number three.

Personal lubricant. Number two. Christmas gifts. It's just, it's an admission. I'm a piece of shit who forgot. No, it's a good stocking stuff for place. Get a lot of stocking stuffers at TV. No, you go Christmas shopping at TVS.

I'm a piece of shit and forgot and I got to get this gift in right now. And you also have the hard liquor in your cabin. You're like, oh, this guy's. And the lube? This guy's a piece of shit. The tampons? What's happening here? Who is this guy?

And number one. Those. Why would you, why would you just go to a sex store? Go to a sex supermarket with your son. Buy them there like a normal person. You ever buy the Fathers Day card on Father, like the morning of Father's Day? Every year. And it's like this, it's better if you do the day before the day,

before it feels like you feel like a good person. You do it morning of on the way over to your dads and you meet the other guy there that's also doing it last minute. And all the good cards are gone. It's like sad cards that's always a sad time the morning of buying that card. Quite an admission by you. Mother's Day, man.

Chris, that's honestly, I went with Christmas for number two because of the lore, but the reality is any one of those holidays. Father's Day, Mother's Day. Like, whenever you're buying the day of. The card you're good day. CBS, they know you're a piece of shit.

Yeah, for sure. They know your birthday card, to be honest with you. Because if you had time, you wouldn't have gone to CVS to get a birthday card. The whole card section. You know what? The whole card section. The Jets. Shit.

No. No. Actually, you know what? Leave it in there. Embarrassing thing to get at CVS, the Jets. The Jets. Dropping a documentary next week. that detailed the events of last season.

That's the textbook definition of insult to injury. Nobody wants to relive that. Why would you do that? What happened last year? Nothing. Can we just watch sports at a certain point? Like hard knocks. There's the SEC show now.

There's the quarterback show. The Jets have a documentary. North Carolina is going to have their documentary. There's a cowboy documentary. Can I just watch football? and not worry about all that other stuff. We should do a doc of us watching football this season, and it'll come out at the end of the season.

I love that. That's come out at the beginning of next season. Right. Because that's what the Jets did. He took a whole goddamn year to put this thing together. What are you doing over there? Aaron Rogers, complaining about the new helmet he has to wear. After the league deemed his old helmet didn't meet safety standards.

You know what he's doing, right? Setting up those excuses. is ahead of time. The guy's a master excuse maker. Come on, guys. Oh, it's the helmet. Oh, I didn't have enough. Help her.

Oh, it's always something with this guy. It's never I wasn't good enough. Paramount Plus. Securing the rights to UFC. Me clicking on Lioness for Zoe Saldana. And getting Amanda Nunes instead. Illusion course. Good one.

I wrote that one for you. you. Tom Brady's statue. Looking more like Tom Brady. Then Tom Brady is like seeing the jerkbait logo. Wait a second. I already used that punchline.

My fault. All right. The Marlins. Get the bed. As soon as Tashet started hyping them up. Congratulations. You ruined it. Yeah, that's fair. Texas, Texas, opening up at number one and having to face Ohio State in week one doesn't seem fair.

Also, how's the defending champ not number one? Like, they're good enough for you to rank them two or three, depending on who you ask, but not good enough to be number one. They won it. The team that they're playing, week one, is a team that they beat en route to that championship. How are they not number one? Does anyone have an explanation for? I'm actually asking. This isn't part of the votes.

I mean, Texas had a really good offseason. Hey, they acquired a lot of talent. And they got Arch Manning. Yeah. Depending champs, man. They used to mean something. I'm with you, though. Pablo Torre.

Katie Nolan. And the third gentleman whose name escapes me. Discovering in 2025, the existence of death. comedy jam icon Alonzo Jones. How? The episode should have been called. Pablo Tori finds out about black people.

Hamburger. Wick Grousebeck. Thinking he could sell the Celtics with six Billy and still remain in charge for a couple of years. When are they gonna learn? That's like, I know. It's like clicking on the jerk. Wait, hold on.

How many do I have? have you ever heard of jerk mate metal arc media dropping a tarasie documentary that didn't talk to the one metal arc media employee who not only worked with tarassey but helped her win her first w nba title the hell are we doing speaking of hell our bryles Those are the weekend, observations. Very good. Good job, I mean. I tried. Look, every football game is a grind.

And if you're like Dan and the crew, you know there's no such thing as one size fits all. Your sleep should be just as custom as coach's game plan. That's where sleep number comes in. You get to call your own plays. Softer, firmer, cooler, warmer, your side, your comfort. Change it whenever you want. No more feeling stuck like a busted play. And for all the late night fights over the thermostat,

that climate series cools up 20 times faster than the competition. True temp betting kicks heat and humidity to the sidelines so you can actually stay chill all night long. Bottom line, sleep number is like having a sleep coach in your corner, adjusting to you all night because your best game starts with the right rest. Why choose a sleep number smart bed? So you can sleep just a way that you like. The only bed that lets you make each side firmer or softer whenever you like. Your sleep number setting. Sleep number's biggest sale of the year is here. All beds on sale. Up to 50% off the limited edition smartbed, limited time, exclusively at a sleep number store near you. Sleep number, official sleep and wellness partner of the NFL. See store or sleep

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When you bet just five bucks only on Draft Kings, the crown is yours. Gambling problem, call 1-800 gambler. In New York, call 877-8 Hope and Y or text Hope & Y in 467-369. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. 888-7-9-77 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly on behalf of Boot Hill Casino and Resorting Kansas. 21 and over, agent eligibility varies by jurisdiction, void in Ontario. Bonus bets expires seven days after issuance. Four additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.com slash audio. Impact site located. Entering spacecraft.

Contact, but identified life form. Containment. We were safer in space. FX's Alien Earth, an original series now streaming on Disney Plus. Sign up today. 18 plus subscription required TNCs apply. Don Lebertard.

You're getting started on the breakfast flan. Oh, man. I've been singing a song to myself all morning long. Breakfast Flan. Stugats. Have you never heard the Breakfast Flon song? No, hit me with it. Okay.

I wish I had. I had some breakfast flaunt. Breakfast flound. Where can I find a breakfast like that? This is the Dan Levitar show with the Stugats. When are these NBA governors going to learn? Like, Whit Grossbeck, who, you know, I guess, you know, previously owned the Celtics, they're not going to own them anymore.

They're selling the team. He thought he was going to stay on as the governor the same way, like Mark Cuban thought he was selling the team. And he's going to still be, like, you don't get to sell the team and still be in charge. When are they going to learn? It's so funny because, like you said, Mark Cuban. has that. We're dealing with the same thing with the Lakers selling at St. Jeannie Bus is still going to be the governor. And the thing I keep saying is

imagine selling your car and then telling the guy who bought the car. Oh, by the way, I still get to drive it. It's still my car. You're paying for it though. And in a couple of years, eventually you get to drive it. Like it seems like something if the guy buys a team for a few

billion dollars, probably wants to be in control. They bought the team because they want the toy. They want to play with the toy. They didn't buy the toy so that someone else could play with it. And then they just say, oh, well, I own it. That's not, you don't buy a sports team for, like, the investment. I mean, sure, it's a good investment long term.

But you buy a sports team because you're into the sport and you want to be able to say, yeah, I know Jason Tatum, and he comes to my parties all the time. And, oh, I sit courtside and people come up to me, and I'm an important person. And without the ability to plague basically God and say, oh, I'm going to trade him, I'm going to sign him, I'm going to fire him.

Then you're just a guy on the sideline. People say, you're not the owner. I know who the owner. I know who the owner. I'm a genie bus. Look at her. She's over there at the press conference. Dude, it doesn't work this way.

These people don't spend this money to not control the team. Yeah, but I feel like a former owner, a former prominent owner, like a Mark Cuban, assumes sort of an emeritus position, at least publicly. Like, he's still allowed to go to the game. They're still going to show him in the stands. They're still going to come. come to him for comments when his former team makes a big trade. But he's not at that board of governor's meeting anymore.

No, but I find that normal, though, that a former owner would still want some of that spotlight to linger even after he sells the team. Greg, it's not so much about the spotlight. It's about the power. The governor is the one who votes at the board of governor's meetings. The governor is the one that is on the committees, right? These are the people who are shaping how basketball kind of works as a business. moving forward and the idea that I would

see that control to someone else basically for someone else to speak on behalf of a team not in the court of public opinion but in the real places where power is heard and listen to that's kind of ridiculous yeah you want to you want to come to games come to games you want people to shake your hand say thank you for the championship that's fine what you can't do is say and the Celtics think we should do

that no no no no no no no that's my job now I bought Right. But you can have an opinion. I agree with you. You shouldn't be on the board of governors if you no longer have that power. But the former owner carries a little weight in terms of opinion, particularly if it's an owner who was respected like Mark Cuban was. I mean, I got some audio that we want to play for you here. All right. Michael Porter Jr. Now, he's going to play for the Brooklyn Nets this coming season. But his brother doesn't play anywhere anymore. All right? His brother is in big trouble. He had the gambling and the prop bets and, you know, the under, and he got a lot of trouble. Not good. And his brother, Michael Porter, Jr., was on a show called One Night Steiny. One Night with Steiny. One Night with Steiny.

One Night in Steiny. I told you, Craig. It's One Night with Steiny. So here is Michael Porter Jr. I mean, let's give this a listen, where he's probably talking about things that he in particular should not be talking. talking about if you could get all your homies rich by telling him yo no shit 10,000 on my under you know this one game I'm gonna act like I got an injury and I'm a I'm gonna sit out I'm gonna come out after three minutes and they all get a little bag because you did it

one game like that is so not okay but the some people probably think like that they come from nothing and all their homies have nothing and they're like bro if I uh if I come out of this game after three minutes and y'all all hit on my under we're all getting a little bag yeah You know what I mean? And I obviously my brother went through his situation. You know, Malik Beasley's going through a situation right now. Terry Rozier was in some hot water. How did Michael Porter Jr. wake up one morning and said, you know what I'm going to do today?

I'm going to say all of that out loud. See, Zaz, your mind went to Michael Porter Jr.'s morning. My mind went to Steinie's morning where it's like, hey, yeah, we got Michael Porter Jr. on it. Oh, maybe we'll talk about some interesting. Oh, these guy got traded, whatever. Okay, we'll ask him Get to the topic of gambling He's like, oh, he's probably going to be real coy around this

His brother's still dealing with the federal investigation And stuff, he's banned from the NBA Probably, but we have to ask This is a journalistic outfit Yeah, I got to ask And then he can shoot me down, it's up to him And he asked the question And Michael Bordidia starts detailing

How to run a successful gambling operation here And the sound you hear If you turn the volume up really, really loud I'm not saying let's replay it now, but you can rewind in the podcast. Turn it up really loud. When you hear him say, oh, get all my homies a bag, you can hear of Steinie's dick hitting the bottom of the desk. He's like, oh, shit.

He said it. Oh, my God. And you guys didn't play this part, but he goes on, Michael Porter Jr. does, to say, we all had our struggles in life. My brother struggled all the time with gambling and money. That's why God didn't give him money. He's like, me. my advice was women I had women everywhere

my brother didn't have so for me I don't have a wife and shout out to B-Hen from Club 520 because he said it's like my brother never got but I got man I was swimming in it basically was the messaging by Michael Porter Jr. there

but it's just it's fascinating and one final shout out to Stiney if you listen to him wait I mean I mean I want to break in really quick this is Stiney from the Nelk boy is correct? Yes, Steiny, the one that interviewed Netta and Yahoo.

Right. I thought this was Willie Collie Stein. Oh, I thought that was Mark Stein. No. What are you putting? He was Mark Stein?

It's actually like Stein. Hi-Has. Here's the thing. My dick is really hard talking about gambling. Clear eye. Why do you sound like Shock G?

Rest and peace. I once got busy in a Birth King bathroom. That's pretty good. Right there in Brickle. That's the one he's talking The one that holdover from the 1980s design. But yeah, not like that, you hear him just giving them hyping them up the whole time, 100%.

Yeah, absolutely. Like, no, not 100% signing. I mean, I mean, the next time that someone on one of these shows disagrees with or pushes back against the athlete that's on their show will be the very first time that's ever happened. All I'm wondering is why we didn't get Michael Porter Jr. This could have been our school. This could have our get. We could have been asking all these. Look, think about the ridiculous question.

I'm just saying, think all the ridiculous questions that Chris Cody has asked in interviews over the years, right? Like, why would you ask that? A lot. Like, Michael Porter Jr. would be the one where it's like, yeah, we're getting an actual answer here. I just don't understand how, like, do you think there's a moment after that sit down that he says to himself, you know,

it probably shouldn't have been as forthcoming as it was? You know, detailing how we could scam gambling. sites. You know, and considering my brother is at the center of it. But he did have the lame little disclaimer at the first when he said something like, we all know this is wrong, but and then he details all that. It was

totally incriminating. Yeah, you know, to answer your question, to ask, no. I think he walked out, that was pretty good. And someone said, hey man, you don't think we should ask them to cut out the part where you're talking about gambling? No, no. I put the disclaimer. Say, no, we all know it's wrong.

We're good. It's like It's like the regular speculation sounder, right? You play it like, you're good. You can say whatever you want after that. Yo, I mean, how excited are you about NBA schedule or at least tomorrow? Oh, my God, man. Stupid, stupid, stupid. The only people who should care, obviously the teams, right?

The media people who have to travel, if you're, for instance, if you're Jason Jackson, voice of the Miami Heat, he's got to figure out what city he's going to be in at any given moment. If you're a beat writer, you know, if you're Ira Winderman, yeah, I got to. to figure out which one of these flights I've got to start booking hotels now, right? But fans? Who cares, man? You're going to find out when you find out. You'll find out like, hey, this week, oh, the Lakers are playing against the Mavericks.

Oh, I better tune into that one, right? But you don't need to know in August. And the reason why we do this is because the NFL does this. And the NFL does this because there's only 17 games. People do travel for road games a lot, and they have to book flights in hotels. and that's kind of a part of the NFL culture. And so they've made a big deal out of it. And every team has its schedule,

release little video and stuff. But the NBA, man, it's a different product. It's like trying to sell Coca-Cola the way Hyundai sells cars. Like, no, we don't have the same approach because we're not selling the same product. Dumb, having said that, Christmas Day, no Eastern Conference games other than the first one. You know what that means?

It means put the kids to bed right after the Eastern Conference is over. No, okay. So at 2 o'clock, after Cavs Nix were putting the kids to bed on Christmas Day? You guys just sat there and just like, oh, okay. Not a lot of buying there. That was Jeremy-level buy-in. That's very true. If you think you're family.

If you think your family. What do you think of the, what do you think of our theory that we made earlier this morning that the NBA game should start at the crack at dawn? You have Jazz Wizards just on the TV as you're opening up presents. just make it a 24-hour hustle takeover. I'm with it. I'm with it. And I think that should be everyone's like,

how do you punish teams for tanking? How do you punish teams for being bad? We should take away their picks. We should do it. No, no, no, no. You make them play Christmas morning 6 a.m. Uh-huh. You want to be bad now?

See, that gives you incentive. Everyone's like, I'm not trying to be one of the worst teams next year. They're going to start winning games, and that's how you cure tanking. I mean, you may have heard yesterday I was dealing with, the situation at home I have a high school kid and I was dealing with a very unpleasant situation

as a parent. You got something going on too. Yeah, no, first of all, your situation is ridiculous, man. The kid, the kid was mad that his mom, White Tam, put limits on his phone. Was that the impetus of well, no, we did that in response to what we were not happy with him about. Yeah. What were you

not happy about him? This is attitude. Like, he's moody. A moody teenager. Moody. Yeah. My thing is this. Fix your face. You know what? Just fix your face. You get out of here. And the idea that, like, you allow him, like, you can leave.

Does he pay the car note on the car? He actually does make payments. Does he pay the car note? Not does he contribute to the car note. Does he make the car note? I don't know what that means. How does he make the payments? Illegal gambling?

With his or the poker game that he's running? No, he works. He's a job. What's his job? He works at a card store. Nice. A card store? Yeah, trading card store.

Yeah. They can do that? Yeah, yeah. 16-year-olds can work? Well, he's responsible in that fashion, and we make him pay. He pays. He makes the payments. What about the insurance? That's true. Uh, we pay the insurance.

Cell phone. Okay, there you go. Yeah, we pay that, yeah. There you go, buddy. You gotta leave all that stuff behind. You can leave. You're gonna leave this property right here. Yeah.

That's a good man. I'm not an insurance something that you're just driving around. You're mad at me about? Oh, I'm angry. I'm emotional. I'm on this. Be emotional on your feet. walk it out

gotta be honest get a bike him making car payments it changes the whole dynamic it's not cheap the car payments I'm kind of with this kid this kid needs it like I can pay my car

but I can't go watch the Arab fighters in Chicago I don't get that whatsoever shut up parents I'm with him loves the Arab fighters the the issue I'm dealing with Zaz is my child is

a sophomore and we just had curriculum night the other night and that's where you go to all the classes and you meet the teachers and they're talking about this, that, and the other. And I'm beginning to realize, I don't even remember how I took classes in high school. I just showed up, and this was my schedule. We did it.

And these kids now, they got to pick. You got to pick. Are you going to do AP World History? Do you do AP, U.S. history? And I'm like, oh, my God. How many AP courses do you take? And I'm looking online and I say, well, the really good schools want you to take at least seven. So now we've got to figure out, okay, these are the AP courses you got to take.

But you can't take these AP courses without these prerex here. honors this and honors that and so. I'm sitting here. I'm like, my head is spinning how much I got to do to make sure my kid can get into college. And I go back to what I was doing. And I literally just showed up and they handed me a schedule. I don't think that's true, man. Like, I remember on the, like the last day of school, you would have to fill some kind of format out, format out, form out, which you would tell them the classes that you want for the next year. Don't remember any of that.

Don't remember any of that. I just remember showing up and like, here's your schedule. I just, I don't. And the idea that now the picking of the classes as a sophomore can have an impact on where you go to college.

Of course. What are we doing? Yeah, man. I thought senior year now we're like, oh shit, we got to get ready for college. That senior year is like the least important of your high school years. Junior year's the big year. Yeah.

Junior is the big year for everything. Is it? Senior year ain't shit, man. For real? Mm-hmm. Has it always been like that? Well, the applications go out before senior year. So it's really based off what you've done in your junior year,

and they'll keep monitoring the transcripts come your senior year. I was hardly in school my senior year. Which is why you have to have some of those APs on the schedule. At early release, junior year. I did the 7 AP class thing. You're applying to classes and some fingering. Jeremy, you did 7 AP classes and what's the UCF? Yeah, man.

I got into Chapel Hill. I just didn't want to take out loans. all that all that work for nothing wow oh look what he's done now now now I got them now I got them on my side here we go chapel we're own

hey by the way I wanted to talk to you about hard knocks man okay big thing about hard knocks yeah first of all Greg you're absolutely wrong everyone loves hard knocks you're the only one on this island but but the quality has dipped the quality has dipped I say this because Because the biggest thing about every season of Hard Knocks is always what? The first intro to episode one.

That's, thank you. Dude. Right? That's where they get you like. Better give me some sprinklers. This year was so bad. The worst one ever. The best one ever was, and look, I'm not endorsing the man.

I'm just saying it was a hell of an intro to their season of Hard Knocks. Was the Raiders with John Gruden. Yeah. Where he says, everyone's got a dream. I dream about playing an NFL. I dream about doing this. He's like, I'm not in the dreams anymore. I'm in a fucking nightmare.

Dude, he, I love. Electric, dude. I loved that. The first thing, he does that speech. Like, every college program has put out him giving that speech now. So I'm a little over that speech. He did it to Georgia just a couple weeks ago. But it does slap.

The first time you hear it on Hard Knocks, it did slap. I'm in a f***. Because you know what he did. Knock on the wood, do you hear me? Was that Gruden or Jack Nicholson? Nightmare, slam. Don Lebatard. What do we got here?

I got a magnum condom. We won't get that out. That's shocking. Stugats. Here's a picture of Christopher when he was like three years old. Right next to the condom? Yeah. That's a subtle reminder.

Never forget. This is the Dan Lebatar show with the Stugats. His son's a coach on the arena. Deuce Gruden. He didn't, he didn't send any email. But Gruden just won some, some lawsuit. Yeah, he's going to get his day in court. Actually, he's not because the NFL does not want to go to Discovery.

So, crush on. Congratulations. That was Nicholson. But when he drops that, I'm in the nightmares, that's where they drop the first notes of the music. Do do, do, do that. And then it builds a little bit. Yeah, it's so good Dun, da-da-da-da.

Oh, like, let's watch. No, Hard Knock. This year's like, sit down. Sit down. Hey, get mic to. Oh, I'm getting married, too. I don't care, producer, man.

Right. The worst one ever. It was the worst intro to Hard Knocks ever. It was just him sitting down. Oh, I'm getting miced up. Okay, let's do this. Right. Oh, and the producer saying, oh, you got married.

Congratulations. I'm getting married, too. Like, I don't care. Way to make it about you, producer, man. A great point. It was really bad. Ridiculous. Other notes about.

Hard knocks. This is year, what, 25, 27? Maybe, no, 30, 30 of hard knocks. Still can't get the, the close cap. You're 40 of hard knocks. I is 50. 50 of hard knocks. Keep going.

Do I hear 51? Still can't get the close captioning right. I got to deal with close captioning. The A is like on a 30 second delay. I never know. He's right about that. I never know if that's the show's fault. Is that my fault?

I never know if that's me. fault. That's the show's fault. It could be like internet? I know it's not my fault. No, no. It's, so typically live events do have a little bit of a delay. You guys had a whole goddamn week, man, to sync this shit up, number one. Number two, most shows are smart enough that if there's text on the screen, like for instance, who this rookie unsigned, undrafted free agent is, will put the captions up when, you know, away from where that text is. Not hard knocks. They slapped that shit right over.

And I'm like, I don't know who this is now. I just got to go from context clues. It's Buffalo Joe. Who the hell is that? Yeah. All right. Number three, Greg McDermott was wearing a t-shirt that said playoff caliber. Sean.

Is that a brother that's on the staff? Is this nepotism? Who's Greg McDermott? Sean McDermott. Oh, he's a dude, the jihad guy. Got it. Yep. Dumb T-shirt.

He had to playoff caliber? That's what they got in Buffalo? Like way to set your expectations super low. This is, if they don't do it this time, Mike McCarthy vibes off of McDermen. I think McDermott's on a hot seat. I do. Nobody says that. I don't know if they did drastic enough moves.

They got Bosa in there. That's fine. But yes, if they fail yet again. Yeah. And it's really unfair because Josh Allen, you could make an argument, Josh Allen, might be the second greatest quarterback of all time, but we don't know it because he's playing, it keeps running into the greatest quarterback of all time.

They got to change it up if they lose to this team again. And the easiest thing to change is the coach. I totally think he's on the hot team. Something about these Mick coaches, huh? Has there ever been a good mic? Mike McDaniel? Am I stepping on something? Yeah, you did.

If you think your family. If you think you're family. I can't believe it would accept you saying a common slur about. Fair enough. If you think you're family. Europeans. We meant the MC. Something about these MC coaches.

Mike McDaniel. Is that a generational divide? Did you not know that one? I didn't even know that one. I was with him. I thought a good topic. Yeah. No. Well, it's been bleeped.

All right, but. You're not going to believe this. In America, they had an attitude towards immigrants way back when. Let's get back to his topic. Are there any examples of good coaches that start with MC? No. Let's do the racist one that Jeremy wanted. It could actually be worse.

You bleep it, by the way. Mike McCarthy, bad. Mike McDaniel, hot seat. Sean McDermott, hot seat. Josh McDaniel, hasn't worked out. Give me a good MCDULE. It was a good one. Don McSula.

It was a great topic. Greg's right. He is right about that. It's all right. You didn't know. The McGote. I really had no idea. Don.

That one's on me. I'm going to Google it. McSula. That's right. Jeremy. Somewhere Myers-Lennard is like, uh-huh, see? Not so easy, is it?

Ron McDonald's Greg He's fine by the way There you go I mean you got anything else from hard knocks From hard knocks Yeah Drifting with a kid In the passenger seat

That is crazy Drifting with a 5-year-old Dude And the helmet doesn't even fit Fuck the helmet The child is not big enough Sit in the front seat of a minivan Let alone a car that's drifting

And I thought it was going to be like I saw the course And I was like Okay so they've got cones and stuff So he'll drive out to the middle and then he'll start drifting there. Nope. He starts drifting right around the corner of that building immediately.

And I'm like, oh, this is CPS waiting to happen. I have a check Twitter, but I have to imagine people lost their mind. What do you think the bills hate more? The, what is it, the driving recklessly or the guy, like, wrangling snakes? Like, what are they? Like, they don't have contracts where they're like, hey, you can't do dangerous shit. In the first episode, there were multiple players doing dangerous shit. The AJ Up and Essa doing the python hunting,

That's not that bad because the pythons are, they're not venomous. For that to come around and choke you, like, you're doing something stupid. I just feel like the bills can't love that. I can't love the dude drifting with a child in the car. This is first episode, two guys on their off day are doing insanely reckless things. My favorite thing is not only is their child, but it's not like, oh, bless his heart, Junior loves drifting. We do whatever. It's like, all of them, all three of them are like, hey, daddy.

They line up for it. It's proof that kids will fall you anywhere. Like, it's like, hey, let's go do this insanely dangerous thing. Like, yeah, dad. Mike, not on a company laptop, man. Not on a company laptop. No, that's on me. My bad.

Ball off me, coach. Oh, man. Yeah, you're fired. Okay, I mean, I want to say one thing in rebuttal to Hard Knocks, and I know I'm in a room full of Hard Knocks lovers right now. I want to speak for the rest of America, okay? Right now, people who live in Buffalo are loving this Hard Knocks. people who live in the 31 other NFL cities

are either yawning or switching over to a honeymooner's rerun. They don't care. Why do the options? Why would people care about watching the inner workings of another team that isn't theirs? I just don't get that. Greg, I can only speak for myself. I love hard knocks because it makes me care about teams I don't care about And it makes me care about players I don't care about.

Like, whenever I see a guy who, like, I saw from Hard Knocks, and obviously not like Josh Allen, clearly everyone knows what that is. But, like, one of those no-name guys. And then, like, three years later, he's in the NFL somewhere else. I'm like, that's the dude. I still, to this day, I remember John Connor from the Jets Hard Knocks. They're like, oh, that's the Terminator. They called him The Terminator.

He's a little fullback. And, like, for years after that, whenever I saw it, oh, it's Terminator, man. I don't know, it makes... That ultimate guy was 7-Eleven, right? 7-Eleven. Chris Ogun. Darren Waller was that guy for a lot of people, right? Yeah, I was like, oh, man, I have a fantasy draft.

Like, oh, who's that tight end on the Raiders? I keep seeing on Hardnock. Let me take a flyer in him, like, oh, wow, this worked out. I'm dating myself, but Bobby Scipia with the Kansas City Chiefs back in the day. Yeah, man, story. I'm telling, like, it really does a great job. The Hard Knocks is, Greg, earlier you're like, oh, I feel like it's edited. Of course it's edited.

is a big commercial for the NFL. It's not meant to be revelatory at all. It's not a documentary. It is a great marketing tool for the NFL. It makes you fall in love with characters and people in a way in a league that doesn't really tend to market that way. They market the shield. They market the teams. But this show makes you care. It shows that, yeah, I can care about things NFL related if I got to know the people behind the masks. I mean, before we let you go, you got a movie of week for us? Yes, movie of the week. This is on Cynophobic. It drops tomorrow. Today, if you're a Patreon

member, count the things.com slash Oh, no, Patreon.com slash count the things. There you go. That wasn't. We got there. Yeah, all right. We can do that again. Three, two, one. Patreon.com slash count the things. You're a Patreon member. The episode comes out today. Jurassic Park 3.

Yes, this is the sequel that didn't have, didn't have my man, Jeff Goldblum, but brought back, Sam Neal, who was not in Jurassic Park 2. And so me, Zach and Mays, we pull it apart and look around

and see if this is really deserved to be an under 40% movie, or maybe he didn't get a fair shape. Did you know that Zaz? That Jurassic Park 3? Poor critic reviews? I definitely knew that. I don't think I've seen Jurassic Park 3 because it was received

so poorly. Oh, you haven't seen that Spinosaurus? Oh, dude, this is the one where they decide T-Rex's not doing it for the franchise anymore. Let's upscale. I don't think I saw that. That's where that started. I don't know that fool. If you watch the Jurassic World movies, it's all about like, oh, these bigger, badder

dinosaurs, like the raptors and the T-Rex weren't enough. That started in Jurassic Park 3, where they started trying to branch out. Let us know that there's some other things that are more scary than the T-Rex, which is kind of ridiculous. But also, it is the movie that gave us one of the most famous lines in Jurassic Park world history. Go on. Mike, can you recite it?

We're going to need a bigger boat. Not close. Very close. Very close. It's a bird cage.