The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Hour 2: The Child Vampire

Episode Date: February 11, 2025

We kick things off with a new song before Greg explains the rivalry between people named Greg and people named Gary. Then, Dan reveals Billy's stye, Billy takes us back with some classic movies, David Letterman might have been a jerk to his interviewees, and the origins of the hammer throw. Plus, Greg's granddaughter was bit by a child vampire, so the crew gets to the bottom of how that might impact her, the origins of vampires, and how Greg can avoid a similar fate. Also, Dan tells us the SECOND most embarrassing story from his Super Bowl week in New Orleans. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Giraffe King's Network. and get up to $75 in PC optimum points. Visit superstore.ca to get started. This is the Dan Lebatore Show with the StuGuts Podcast. It's 11am on a Thursday The media crowd shuffles in There's an old man sitting next to me Smoking cigs as we ask our questions He says to us, who needs me, dummy? As the dolphin's head to play the bills But he's talking to me, I am young Grant Cody Writing columns with takes that'll kill La la la, that kind of thing La la diddy da da ding Ya gonna cut a buffalo

With Bernie Bommalee. I will always remember that gold from a dolphin's coach named Gary. Put it on the pole, Juju. Are we still making Garys? I don't feel like a baby right now. Any parent would say, you know what? I want my baby when it comes out of the womb I'm still making Garys. I don't feel like a baby right now. Any parent would say, you know what, I want my baby when it comes out of the womb to be

so cute and then I'm going to name it Gary. See you, Garry. I don't think that's something that's happening anymore. Gary the Bag. Oh, for the love of God. He loves going inside and look who follows him into the breach. Big surprise. See you, Garry.

Ready, Freddie. Gary the Bag, of course, for those of you who don't know. And that's all of you. Everyone knows the bag. Everybody knows Gary the Bag. Unless you were at my dad's 70th, because he was the star that night. No, he's the staple of the Greg Cody Show podcast.

That's not true. Nah, you know, might as well be. But when I was a kid, I'm being serious here, Gary's and Greg's were bitter rivals Right like if you were named Greg you felt superior to Gary's But the opposite was true. It was like I don't know that there's any two names now that are rivals Wow, but Gary and Greg well, those aren't either. Oh Believe me. They are so why were you guys such good friends if this rivalry existed well because

straw man And the rivalry is partly why we were good friends because we were like opposites like he was a big Yankee fan I was red sox I would have the as trading card against his Mickey Mantle He was a Gary. I was a Greg. We were ying and yang. You know, but the rivalry, it was real. Still is, I think, although name rivalries aren't what they used to be. Gary and Greg in the 70s and 80s were staples in the top 30 names for boys.

They no longer own them. I thought Greg beefed with Craig's. No. I thought one G Gregg's feuded with two G Gregg's. He said that was a thing. That 100% is a thing. That's 100% accurate, and it's also accurate No, I thought one one G Gregg's feuded with two that That's a hundred percent accurate and it's also accurate to say that Gregg's felt and feel Superior to Craig's. Yeah a Craig is a Greg wannabe to his point. I do hate Chris's with a K Yeah, yeah exactly. What are we making more of these days, Craig's or Greg's?

It's gotta be Greg. Has to be. Yeah, Craig's I'm misspelling. Craigery, is that what it's short for? No, I don't think there's any Craigery. Craig's a perversion, honestly, it's not a real name. It is, yeah. Exactly. Just like if your name is Tom and you spell it with an H. Oh, silent H.

Thoms? No. Get outta here. No, no, I've known Thoms. Although, Fredeman's done all right. An attestment to giving people second chances. Put it on the poll, please. Tom Yorks. Hmm.

What's Tom York up to? Yeah, Yorky. I side projects the smile. Put it on the poll, Juju, at LeBittard Show, are Craig's a perversion of Greg's? Ha ha ha ha ha. I've gotta get to my racist story. We're running out of show.

Socks, yeah I wrote them down here. And Walter Payton socks, feetness. We've got to get to that as well. But before we do so, Billy what's going on with your eye? What? What's going on with my eye? Do you have a stye? I do.

It's just kind of been an off air conversation. You just asked me out of the blue, put me out there today, I have a stye? I do. It's just kind of been an off air conversation. You just asked me out of the blue, put me out there today, I have a stye. Well, you're on camera. Yeah, but I have glasses on, I feel like I've hit it. I have a stye. I didn't even realize you had it. Thank you, Jeremy.

You were hiding it well. And if you did notice, it's polite of you not to point and say what's wrong with your face, freak. Which is how I received that. What's happening? What happened? My body's betraying me, Dan, I'm old. What do you want me to tell you?

I'm old, my body for the past week and a half has been betraying me. I sprained my ankle the other day. I thought that was the worst of it. That was just the tip of the iceberg. Had that, then I had a stomach thing, possibly the flu. Tami flu knocked that out. Second day at Super Bowl, I got a stye

on the bottom of my left eye. So all my contacts that I had rationed for the week were no longer necessary. I just had to wear my glasses because I looked like a freak. Then I come back and I'm still a little exhausted. My stye jumps from the bottom eye to the top of my eye. Here we are. Here we are. I'm just a man trying to power through it and hopefully not be called out on my I'm just a man trying to power through it and hopefully not be called out on my disgusting looks, but I guess that is luxury not afforded to me.

When I was a teenager, I used to get styes when I was dealing with a lot of stress or anxiety, so if there's anything or anyone in your life that's really stressing you out, you should probably cut that out. Put it on the poll at LeBittard Show. The stye, you're stuck with him. Have you ever had a stye at LeBittard Show. The stye, you're stuck with him. Have you ever had a stye at LeBittard Show?

Are those stress induced? Those are stress? Every time I've, I've gotten quite a few in my life. Every time I've gotten them, they've been stress induced except for one time where I stayed up and watched 18 consecutive hours of Nicolas Cage movies and I streamed it live and I rubbed my eyes so many times. I gave it to myself.

I had one that lasted for so long that I had to get it surgically removed. Well then it kept me awake and I cut around my ass. All right, we're having a sty off here. Zip that off. Exactly right. I just was reading and it's like, yeah, sometimes your body can fight off a virus

and it gets a sty, it's part of the process. So like I'm just, I'm trusting the process here and hopefully it goes away the next couple days. Everyone giving their sty bona fide. It's unpleasant. I thought Snake Eyes was gonna be way better. It was really bad really mojo was in that yeah But there was that one funny scene where it gets a ship out of him Wasn't snake he was yeah, not the G. I Joe one. Oh that was a different one Did snake get a zero on rotten tomatoes? I believe that snake eyes do I have that wrong? I just remember that being an epically bad movie. Relax, it wasn't that bad.

Don't worry about the Rotten Tomatoes. I mean, no one needs that. I was reading a thing about Billy Madison and how bad it was reviewed on Rotten Tomatoes and what it took to make that movie. It's an all-timer. That's a great film. A classic.

Put it on the poll, was Billy Madison a great film, a classic? Now they're talking about classic movies. I know no one asked me about this, and you guys don't care, but I figure it's a good time to get it in. I didn't like the movie selection on the flights this past week. There weren't good movies or shows available,

so I went the classic route. On the way up, I saw Charlie's Angels. Wow! 25 years old, Charlie's Angels. Can you believe that? Right. Lucy Liu still looks the same. Good flick, Charlie's Angels, can you believe that? Lucy Lou still looks the same. Good flick, Charlie's Angels.

Yeah, you liked it? Yeah, not bad, not bad. There's the creepy, skinny guy who I think was like, isn't he like a famous person? Crispin Glover? Yeah, him, creepy guy. Yeah, no, that's his thing. He comes back, he was just ripping people's hairs off

and smelling it, smelling hair. Drew Barrymore's hair, weird. Then she went on a cruise. I do word association with Crispin Glover. It's the only time I've ever seen it in the history of the David Letterman show, where right before a break, he came very close to kicking David Letterman in the face, and then when they came back from the break,

he was no longer on the air. Like, they just said Crispin Glover, they didn't even explain why Crispin Glover came that close. Well, it goes without saying. To kicking Letterman in the air. Like they just said Crispin Glover, they didn't even explain why Crispin Glover came that close to kicking Letterman in the face, but he was removed from the premises and they never said anything about it after. He's a grump, right, David Letterman?

Like everyone's like, oh, legend, he's so great, but he seemed like to not really have a great sense of humor at times, if he was like the one that was being laughed at. And like also, secretly like kind of rude to guests. Well one of the things that has been interesting to me in the history of late night is how many of these people had such pressurized environments that the people who worked for them and with them this is said of the Tonight Show Now with Jimmy Fallon like things that you

would think are fun end up being so pressurized that even David Letterman will tell you now when I hear him interviewed now and I love listening to Letterman, he will have some remorse, some great remorse about how he didn't enjoy any of that more or make it more fun while it was happening. Yeah there's always a big expose about behind the scenes and how people feel in those uber creative environments. It breeds a lot of creativity, a lot of stars, but also there's a lot of stress. People personalize their creative ideas in ways that they don't if you were to turn in a TPS report and the numbers were off. In the Pride of a Lion book that McGill and I did, he tells a story in one of the chapters about

how he had such a wonderful experience with Jay Leno doing late night, but it was the polar extreme with David Letterman. David Letterman was just not a nice guy. What chapter is this? How did that come up? Because I thought that story was about a lion. Look at me, Louis. I definitely read it, so I know, but tell the audience. There's a chapter that involves the celebrity that Ron attained through his work with the zoo and through being on this show. Can you tell the Michael Jackson story again? Yeah, the Michael Jackson story I think might be in that same chapter.

I thought this book was about Gwazi. It is, but it's also about Ron McGill. Take a little break in chapter seven, you're like, now a chapter about Ron. Exactly right. You're my famous friend. It's about Quasity of the Lion, but it's also sort of a biography of Ron McGill.

And I find it very interesting, because I always loved Letterman. And to hear that he was sort of a, you know, could be an asshole, to guess that he didn't know real well, was illuminating. I found it interesting. Can I ask you something? Here we go. All right, it's just us, right? Yeah.

Hold on. Do you think Michael Jackson was lucky to have died when he did? The timing worked out for him. Just us. It was just a matter of time. Right? Yeah.

Did he spend some time in Wyoming with those animals? Not be good for him right now. Lucky, yes, very lucky. The Prince documentary that will never see the light of day would have been very poorly received by people who love prints because of looking back on things like that and understanding that 40 years ago, 30 years ago, 20 years ago,

you could get away with stuff that absolutely is not stuff you can get away with. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. The prints thing is confusing. Like they're worried about. Was I not vague enough? Like getting away with it? Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly. Allegedly, allegedly. The Prince thing is confusing. They're worried about. Was I not vague enough?

No, allegedly. Allegedly, that covers everything. Allegedly fake. Is it just putting this thing in the public conversation that everyone's like, huh? Because some of this stuff is kind of known. It's just people don't want to do the digging. But it's not hard.

I'm a big David Bowie guy. I'm a big Prince guy. I know that it's complicated legacy. It's like, oh, I don't know. When you wrote this book, did you say now Like I'm a big David Bowie guy. I'm a big Prince guy like I know that's complicated legacy When you wrote this book did you say like now I'd like a chapter about my life and my accomplishments or no Ron didn't allow that No, no, it was it was his story. Have you ever been on a talk show your story Have I ever been on a talk show? I don't think so not even like on the local level Yeah, and I'm like whammy. Oh, yeah, South Florida cornheiser You're a PTI and sit down with Kelly Blanco. I

Don't think I'm not a talk show guy Cody's corner on CBS. Yeah If the feed he invites you on the couch don't go don't he has invited me on Don't. Don't. He has invited me on. Really? Well, did you go? What'd you go? No, I did not.

Penny play. Good for you. That's why you're still living. He doesn't stop digging that Jim Defeaty, I'll tell you what. There's nothing to dig around me. Well, that's what you think. Digging it.

A grave. Yeah, I mean, no, I'm not a talk show guy. What would your story be? What would your quip be if you were there, because you'd have like a pre-interview, you have to go in there with like almost prepared Matera, what would you say? How would you start it out? They're interviewing me not vice versa. What do you think about Gaza? Um, I think it's a sports bang would have been one of the choices

Yeah, but that wasn't a talk show those no shenanigans there That wasn't a talk show, there was no shenanigans there. Was I on sports? I don't know. Well, that's great work by the both of you. It was 10 years ago. You can't remember. No, but I mean, they're both. It's Stugats.

It was the 90s. Yeah, they don't know. Exactly. OK, good. You know what? Back when Bowie could be Bowie. You know what? Back when Gary was popular.

Let's go ahead and just kick them both out here. Minor penalty, two minutes for adding nothing. All of us. Just Ray and Stugats for not having any memory when they're being asked a question. I didn't bring any of this up, okay? He's bringing up, have you been on talk shows? And when he answers the question,

the two experts who would be here who can answer the question, can't remember whether they did something. So you, Billy and Greg out. All of you out for adding nothing. And Billy, wow. Yes. Snake Eyes, 41% Rod's and Ada's.

Thank you. I do appreciate you doing a little work on the, yes, I appreciate your work on the way out the door. I always associated Crispin Glover with Like Mike. That smash hit. Marty McFly's dad. Oh I guess that's fair him and Jesse Plemons both like Mike. Chris let's get to our boldest take of the week. I have not been happy with our audience here in

leaving bold takes that the takes need to be bold and this segment I don't believe has yet worked and I'm actively blaming the audience for this because we have a new telephone number Okay, and we had to change this a couple of different times because you people aren't doing it correctly What do you mean by you people 305? 486 gots is now the number and I want these to be better because We've given a couple of prizes that weren't deserved. Okay, we've got the entirety of The world at our disposal that can call this telephone number and be funny be wise be clever I know many of you listening to this think you can do this think you can give takes are good at giving takes at the bar

And when you're talking to your friends, but then all of a sudden when you call this line they all stink and they haven't been good enough so are you telling me Chris that we're gonna do this better now because I think boost mobile deserves better from our audience than what it is they've been getting I'm always saying that our audience when it competes on clever and we've closed the text lines we don't have a lot of phone lines our audience when it competes on clever i'd put up against anybody's audience competing on clever

i have gotten no proof of that with these calls on hoping the new phone number gives us more luck here so what do you have here chris i have a non sports take is to your point they were two sportsy. We got a lot of submissions about the Super Bowl, a lot of rose spins, great. A lot of offensive, like my dad, the defensive line,

offensive line is very important, not bold enough. And with Boost Mobile, the boldest take from the weekend, it's presented by Boost Mobile, the newest 5G network in the country. When you call 305-486-GOTS, give us the good stuff. And so this one we have here, the winner for this weekend, it's not sports related, it's a random life take, and it's about processed meat.

Hey, this is Tegan from Vermont. My bold take is that lunch meat, like turkey, chicken, ham, it's freaking creepy. Like, why is it cooked, but now it's cold again? Feels slimy, it's weird. It's a great point. Is there a creepier, weirder meat than processed deli meat?

It sweats if you leave it out. It's a weird meat, I love it. I love a ham and turkey. I love the buffalo chicken, but it's weird. I agree with this caller, it's creepy. We gotta do better with these takes. Well, that's progress, I think. That's a little bit better.

It is progress. It is progress. I'm just, I'm demanding this of the audience, okay? Because I am saying that the people who support this show through their sponsorship deserve the best of this show. And I believe the best of our audience competing on Clever can be better than what it is that we're presently getting. So 305-486, gots is the telephone number, work on this,

because this is a chance to show how clever you are. I would say that because a lot of people have performance anxiety, that the ability to be clever anonymously with a phone call is vastly easier and less nerve wracking than having to actually do it in front of a lot of people. In fact, the secret performer that hides in certain people who aren't quite brave enough to do performing, because performing is hard to do, this is a place where you can exercise that muscle. And I am demanding that the audience get better at this, because I want boost to be proud of the takes here

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you know you don't gotta do that. Oh that would be a great call. Up, up and away. That kind of swing, that kind of thing. This is the Don Lebatar Show with the Stugats. Greg Cody. Yeah. The Greg Cody Show featuring Greg Cody. With. With you. Is every week and it's getting more and more popular

What is it that you're promoting on this week's because I want to show people something that I did not know the PFP I Trophy I knew it was big. I did not know it was twice as heavy as the Lombardi trophy Yeah, it is a monstrosity like It is so giant here. What can you tell us is on this week's episode of the Greg Cody Show featuring Greg Cody? First, a very quick detail. The trophies are about the same height. The Lombardi Trophy is 22 inches tall. The Des Dynamics Cup is 23 inches tall. But I outweigh Lombardi 2 to 1, 7 pounds for the Lombardi trophy, 13.6 pounds for the Dynamics Cup. Our episode we have Izzy on, Izzy Gutierrez, we talk a lot about the heat and the trades, we talk about the

Super Bowl, halftime show, commercials, all that stuff. We talk about a child vampire who bit my granddaughter. So there's a lot going on. There was a kid who said he was a vampire. He's not an actual vampire. Do you get tested? Did Grayson get tested? Yeah, the Patino test. Yeah.

Yeah, and she passed. Thank God she's not a vampire. She's OK. Yeah. But the child said, I'm a vampire, and then bites her on the shoulder. I'm assuming he's a vampire. Yeah, but but the child said I'm a vampire and then bites her on the shoulder I'm assuming he's a vampire. Yeah, like seven-year-olds don't even know to lie yet, you know, they always tell the truth Oh, they do do they?

Seven-year-olds to always tell the truth you think a seven-year-old stugots was out here truth-telling I was just working on his crap. They're just they're just now learning to lie They're they're lying a lot. A vampire, an older vampire is more likely to lie than a younger vampire. I think that's very true. Because they know more about the social stigmas that come with being a vampire.

And they know that this is something that I should hide from the general public. Where a young vampire is just going around telling the truth all willy nilly, just thinking this society accepts vampires. Exactly right. When you're seven, you're proud to be a vampire. Exactly right.

Yeah. But vampires age because. It's a very rude thing to do to turn a seven-year-old into a vampire. As Anne Rice's interview with the vampire told us, they end up living this long, very mature life, but they are stuck as a little girl, and it causes all sorts of problems.

That's why one of the unwritten rules in the interview with the vampire series is never change a young person. Yeah. Wow. I think the question for this young vampire is how long have you been a seven-year-old vampire? Yeah. Well, like Vampirina?

Because Vampirina is like, she's growing up. Yeah. Vampirina's fun. Vampirina's overrated. Do vampires age? No, famously they stay the same. Yeah. As when they were turned.

If you see an old vampire, that's, you know, either someone made a request or, or it depends on the series. In Bram Soaker's Dracula, Gary Oldman turns very old, but he's also a shapeshifter. So, gotta keep your eye on him. Well, but let's think about this for a second though. If vampires don't famously age, then it means there's no such thing as a baby vampire. Correct, there can be a child vampire, and maybe even, I don't think there's a toddler vampire. A child vampire's a thing, but what's the earliest?

The Twilight series told us that you can have a baby vampire. Yeah, and a werewolf could potentially imprint on that baby vampire, which would be really not great for everyone involved. But it's got to be a very troubling pregnancy because of what they feed on. Yeah. So the vampire, the child vampire who bit my granddaughter, theoretically, while pretending to be and looking like a seven-year-old vampire, could have been six or seven hundred years

old. Yeah. Precisely. Right. Yeah. Okay. And then they would know, they would know better, and then maybe would be of lying age. Right, and imagine being that old and having the persona of a seven year old.

That's gotta mess with you. What you're describing right now are the seeds of resentment between Lestat and Louis. Exactly, that's what I was thinking. Dan, to answer your question, there are no age requirements for becoming a vampire. Yeah. But they are in Anne Rice's universe.

But there is for voting, crazy. So the baby vampire would have fangs then, right, when it's teething? No, not all of them do. If you turn your attention to Nosferatu, which just borrowed from, well, stole famously from Bram Soker's Dracula, they had front teeth, the original Nosferatu's, and in this one,

the mustache covers that teeth. However, while the vampire doesn't age and stays in its form from like the mid 1600s, the skin is dead, being fed on by maggots and rats. So that provides a bit of a hurdle for Nosferatu. Now in the originals, the reason why Nosferatu had the pointy ears and the pointy nose is, no matter what, and the nails as well,

those parts of your body age throughout, even after you die. It would have been nicer to see that in Robert Eggers' telling. Could a toddler vampire lose the fangs the way a toddler loses teeth? Excellent question. And then do you only do it once?

Don't nails still grow after humans die? That's why I invoked the Nosferatu rule. Please follow along. I know we're dancing around. We're not talking about aliens right now. I am following along and I don't need the condescension of please follow along. I was asking about human beings, not vampires.

I was asking about human beings. Yeah, so that's what I mean. There will be a quiz. Pay attention, Dan. Not shockingly, my dad handled this incident the same way he did the golf thing where he got way more angry than I did about this. He's like, you gotta call the school.

That kid should be expelled. Someone needs to protect your granddaughter. The vampire was suspended from school. Good. For how long? How many lifetimes? I don't know. I don't, that's a good question.

Suspended for the rest of his life Never got the vampires have names. We never got the name of the culprit They don't give out kids names when they how do they know they suspended the right kid? Well, I mean it was the right vampire. Yeah, Mike is actually writing out a quiz for us. I mean, okay good I look forward to it. I've got another problem though, because I've got unruly producers everywhere. Racism? Yes, I wanna tell this story, but the problem is that I asked one of our producers to get me the guest that I need,

and now I can't get ahold of the producer. So I just, it was supposed to, I need somebody in order to tell this story. I need a guest in order to make it maximum embarrassing and have a big reveal. And as it stands right now, I can't even reach the producer who was supposed to do this for us.

How about Walter Payton's socks? Feetness. Is there a chance the producer's talking and you just don't hear him? Nope, I can't reach him. Okay. And these stories are tied together, right? Yes, and if he were talking,

he'd be talking very quietly. First question is, what was the seed of resentment between the vampire Lestat and Louie? Can one of you get a hold of Kugler for me, please? Because I need to be able to get the payoff for two days I've wanted this story and I I Thought we were going to do it today and I'm telling the audience again and again that we're going to do it today And I'm not doing this as a purposeful tease. I need certain elements that this show requires from production. We have thousands of producers around here. I just need an answer to my question so I can get the payoff for the audience.

Did the vampire break skin on Graceland or no? Happy to say no. Oh, good. That's probably what spared her. There was a mark, but no broken skin. Happy to say no. Oh good. That's probably what spared her ass. That's a red mark. There was a mark but no broken skin. Yeah. In the early 2000s new metal sequel of Interview with a Vampire,

we learned the name of the mother of all vampires. What's her name? Nellie. Nellie Doogie. Correct. It was Akasha, famously played by the late Aliyah, the aforementioned queen of the dam. Close, Greg.

Greg, if your parents could live forever as vampires instead of passing away, would you take it? I think I would. Really? Yeah. But what if they turn on you and potentially turn you into a vampire? You know, I'm physically stronger than a vampire.

How? No, you're not. What? No, I am. Vampires get superpowers? Yeah, they're strong, yes. I don't believe they are. What? No I am. Don't vampires get superpowers? Yeah. I don't believe they are. Really?

They are strong. Your beliefs don't matter. Plus. You're a 70 year old man. It's a personal experience. Look at here. Careful. Okay.

Virtually all of the cooking I do includes garlic. I'm a big garlic fan. Really? I have garlic all over my house. Strings of garlic. You are stronger. Yeah. For protective purposes or just you like the taste of garlic?

Both. Garlic does make most things better. It does. Oh my God. That's great. That's not up for dispute. And I stand corrected. But that's not a matter of strength.

That's a matter of you just have good seasonings in your house. Some of that stuff is inaccurate. In Rice's universe, Louis is pressed by the interviewer, what about crucifixes and all that stuff, and Louis reveals, I'm actually quite fond of them. Wow. Now, in the AMC series, I really like how that one's played between Lesat and Louis, and they are fully embraced in their gay love story, which is the one that the film kind of touched on because the times were different,

but you get a truer sense of their relationship in the AMC series, which I highly recommend. That Lestat knocks it out of the park, dare I say even better than Tom Cruise's version. If you recoil at the sight of garlic because you're a vampire, of course you're gonna pretend like bring it on. I love garlic. I love a crucifix. You know, I mean that's a defense mechanism. The old bait and switch. I dare you to do it. Right? Yeah, exactly. So you know, the string of garlic's here. Come at me. Universally steak through the heart, kill it with fire beheading. That works.

Steak through the heart is always. It's a classic. It's perfect. I don't think I can bring myself to do that. Yeah. Even if I knew this was puriable. You need a good mallet, you know, the hard rubber. Yeah. What if I miss? That's embarrassing.

Not the rubber. You could drive a steak through a hearts of course. I don't think I could. It meant you were going to die? I would say someone else go. Oh. If I had a hammer. Exactly.

Yeah. I'd hammer in the morning. Yeah. Greg, would you be a vampire if you can every carlick again no really out garlic means too much to me right yeah speaking of hammers uh... a greg cody shocked me the other day by having very strong opinions on the hammer throw okay it at a track me in colorado

some poor spectator was hit by and killed by an erin hammer throw sheesh told you a little research first of all the hammer throw doesn't include a hammer right okay uh... hammer throw is a shot put attached to a heavy wire and then flung around

okay so it's a it's a misnomer, first of all, but second- A hell of a weapon in like the Mad Max movies is what that- So why are we throwing hammers in 2025? Right. It's like shot puts too. It's like a medieval sport. You're right. You know, it's like shooting someone from a cannon over a castle wall. I think what you're trying to ask is why are we throwing things when a live

audience is there that could kill people in the audience? You get hit with a football, maybe you break your nose, you go to the hospital, you're out in a couple of days. You get hit with a hammer, you're dead. Right. I think a track event should be throwing a stick of dynamite, I mean it makes as much sense. Another thing that we have to ask ourselves is why in the older films is Dracula transforming to your conventional bat but in Bram Soaker's Dracula, directed by Francis Ford Coppola, he transforms himself into a six foot bat. That's not very sneaky. No, it really isn't.

Where's the netting on the hammer throw? Like what are we doing to protect the spectators during the hammer throw? Yeah, and it would have to be a heavy chain link. You know, it'd have to be like what they have at NASCAR like a fence. Yes Yes, whereas the tires flying through the air. Yes, and you need something to stop that But Mike you're obviously the vampire expert among us. Is it true that vampires cannot see themselves in a mirror? not universally, but in most Content that's out there. there, that's usually canon.

Okay. Nosferatu, the silent movie, and in the one in the 70s. Let's be honest, Greg, like if we never had another hammer throw again, like if they just got rid of the sport, we'd all be fine. Nobody misses it. Wouldn't think of it once. I've never thought of it.

And why'd they call it a hammer? I don't know, it's not a hammer. But if you've got the hammer, you've gotta use it. Right. Nobody misses it. Wouldn't think of it once. I've never thought of it. Yeah, and why'd they call it a hammer? I don't know, it's not a hammer. But if you've got the hammer, you've gotta use it. Yes. It's flinging a shot put. You're right. Is what it is. It's not really a hammer throw.

No. Right. Jeremy, can you find out for me why it is called the hammer? I'm sure there's reasoning behind this. I think back in the day, Dan, they actually threw hammers, but they realized that was a bad idea. They're still throwing things that could kill people.

I don't think that's an accurate historical representation of the event. How do you know? I guess if I have a- I don't know, but I just don't think that's right. I don't know. The javelin. The javelin.

That all makes sense. Literally a weapon, a javelin. Literally a weapon. I saw someone go through an airport with one of those. I'm like, how is this allowed? But maybe they're gonna kill vampires. I have seen video of somebody being hit by a javelin as it's being hurled at a track and field event

because some of the things that happen at track and field events are a bit crazy, unruly, and you've got flying hammers and javelins and all of that stuff can be dangerous. Medieval. It is a bit medieval. Tradition traces it back to Ireland around the year 1830 BC. Sometime later, the Celtic warrior

reputedly took a chariot axle with a wheel still attached, spun it around and hurled it a long way. The wheel was later replaced by a rock with a wooden handle attached. A sledgehammer began to be used for the sport in Scotland and England during the Middle Ages. Can you look up what they were doing at the end of Braveheart?

Oh. Well, because the camera pans down, but only so much. And I was young when I saw it. I'm like, are they doing something with his balls? Stugats, you can't be right with a sledgehammer being a hammer. That's not what you were talking about. I know, but he was talking about the hurling of hammers,

traditional hammers, not a giant sledgehammer. That doesn't count. The one with the hook on the end. That doesn't count as Stugat's being right. Unfortunately, I have to apologize to the audience and say that tomorrow, this racist story, the most embarrassing to happen to me at the Super Bowl, is going to be told.

But today, I will tell the second most embarrassing story that happened to me from the Super Bowl, which is me walking out of a bathroom and being greeted by two people laughing at me upon seeing my face. What? Vince Wilfork and his new bride. Oh.

Wow, I wish I was there. Just both of them seeing my face and both laughing because of this clip right here. You are very comfortable talking about how you met your wife, how much you love her, how important she is to you, and that's the reason that I asked the question. I've always admired that about you,

that you have no problems whatsoever professing your love. Well, the thing is, I got a new wife now. Me and Bianca didn't make it. So I moved on, we moved on. It was for the better, both of us. But we are real good friends. We are parents first. Things just got a little awkward there.

So let me be the first on this show to congratulate you on the new wife advance. Congratulations on feeling whole, feeling complete. You know? Let's talk tailgating. Yeah. I have an update on William Wallace's balls. Important.

They strongly imply that he was subject to the full execution. Now a lot of this feels excessive because he does end up getting hanged at the end of all this, but they first start with quartering where the body was cut into pieces. Then they also do something called drawing, which is disembowelment and castration.

So bang on on the balls. And then they hang them, I feel like we're beating a dead horse. Yeah. My wife heard them laughing from inside the bathroom. You've earned it. She asked who was laughing at you. Well, Dan, a fight we had led us to a divorce.

But that's OK, because how could you know that, of course? Me and Bianca didn't make it this time. But that's OK, Dan, because I have a new wife. I didn't come here to discuss my divorce, but that's fine. Now you know that I have a new wife. I am a bit stunned, I've got to be honest. I am a bit stunned two days into this week that we have talked for approximately six hours without mentioning what was a very brief holy shit moment from sports news this weekend when ESPN reported that Jake Paul's next opponent would be Canelo Alvarez. Like, that was very close to happening, it appears,

before it dissolved, and the amount of triumph that Jake Paul could allege before throwing a punch in that ring, if that's the fight that he got to. Just to get him in the ring, you're saying? It's just staggering that that somebody's Internet currency and attention would be bigger than boxing That that somebody in the modern age under 30 years old would not have an upper level elite skill set at boxing and would get in the ring with the

Prizefighter that makes money these days because he's somehow a financial equal. The paperwork evidently was signed. Like, I don't... I have not done any of the reporting to find out where and how that fell apart, but that was a thing that was going to happen, and it would have been a giant thing, and Jake Paul would have won forever the moment that fight was signed the idea that that guy has taken over boxing that way where he gets to summon the best pound-for-pound fighter in the world and the biggest draw that that sport has and be able to consider himself hey i'm your equal as a draw you're doing this is much with me and for me because you just need to make a little money before your

next real fights and i've made it to the top of this mountain. So you're saying Jay Paul wins even if he loses that fight, which he would have lost that fight obviously. Well it fell apart because of Riyadh season and Canelo signing a new multi-fight deal with the Saudis that I think delivers a Terence Crawford fight. That is correct, but still, and it was probably a negotiating ploy to make sure that all of that could happen. Yes. But still!

It's happened to both Paul brothers, by the way. Like, reportedly the fight between McGregor and Logan got blown up at the last second. Chris Cody, was that a sneeze that you just blew snot into your face? Yes, it was. Bless you. Gesundheit. Hey folks, it's Mike Ryan, it is Big Game Week and I've got just the thing to make your big game time a Miller Time.

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