The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Hour 2: The Footies

Episode Date: January 19, 2024

Jess and Lucy are back with another episode of GEN CFB and their First Annual Footies! The Footie Awards take you through the best, brightest, silliest, and worst moments in College Football this season. Then, Pablo Torre is here with a snippet of Pablo Torre Finds Out with Roy Wood Jr. discussing what it's like to host the White House Correspondents Dinner. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to Giraffe King's Network. This is the Dunlabel Tarshow with the StugatSpotCas. We have a very special edition of Gin CFB today. Ooh. Something we've never done before. Probably because this has only existed for like three months. But that's okay, because it's a historic day. We are presenting the first ever footies award.

Woo, the footies. Lucy, we had a big plan that we were gonna come in here and Taylor was gonna wear a tux, and we were gonna wear like a award show. I mean, it's award season, right? The Emmys, the Golden Globes, the Prick Choice Awards, all happening. So the footies are coming the perfect time of year.

And then we were like, and we're not gonna do that. We're just gonna do the awards. Keep it simple, right? So I did bring a ball gown. I'm not wearing it. I'm not going. I also brought a gown.

You reprep for it. Also, we learned this morning and we're filming this as a Thursday in case I will hires an offensive coordinator by tomorrow, probably not, that someone else already has claimed the award name, the footies. Yeah, the fantasy footballers. So we want to say that's yours, dibs first.

However, we already made the graphic too late to change. Yeah. Just know that we, that was your idea, that we didn't mean to steal, but it's yours. You can have it, but we're gonna also, in homage to you, we're using it right now. Yeah, yeah. So good for you guys.

You came up with it first. Football, am I right? Yeah, that's crazy. So fun. So Lucy, how is this gonna work? We have a bunch of award categories. This kind of came off of last week's segment. We were like trying to think of like,

how we need a top five or the best moments, but too much happens in College Football Ball for just a top five. So we have a bunch of categories, very exciting categories, very deserving nominees. This is a, this is a big deal. So the first one ever, we're going to do this every year for ever Lucy, as long as we're both here doing Gen CFB. And so you're gonna read a award and the nominees and then I'm gonna give the winner and then we'll kind of like go back and forth a little bit. Yeah, exactly Latina Fey and Amy Polar do. Exactly, comedy duo, legends, Lucy, Amy, and Amy Polar and Tina Fey and Taylor.

And Taylor, yep. Taylor's our will-faryl. Yeah, that's great. He doesn't have anything to say. I'm going to win. Don't worry. North Carolina's nominated for a couple of awards. You may be coming up with some foot hardware today.

We don't do you have any physical awards? No, we made them destroy those microphones. All right, yep. So just like imagine an award there. Are you ready, Jess? I'm ready. Let's get going. I feel like we're going to run out of time

because we have so many awards. So let's start. All right. So the first award of the night or day, whenever you're listening to this, if the season ended in September, the nominees are Maryland, Colorado, Air Force, Washington State, and our beloved Syracuse Orange. Wow, all deserving winners, Lucy, but I feel like every year this award should just go to Syracuse, am I right? I feel like it should, I gotta say,

I'm gonna be a little sad when Maryland doesn't have to play the big tennis schedule anymore. And now we have to start thinking about them in October, like kind of hope it goes to them. Well, let's see who the winner is. It's Syracuse. Wow. Good job.

If the season ended in September award, the six times. The rare team to win the, if the season ended in September award, that loss in September. All right, Chad. It doesn't matter. I was September 30th.

There's no way they did that. They ended up finishing six and six and fired their coach, as all September winners do. All right. So good job, Syracuse. It's very proud of you. Our next award is the award for the most elder abuse. The nominees are Jake Dickert, Tilly Corso, for getting mad about that college game day

comment, the nobody wants us bowl. And we have Lucy, Tilly Corso. Getting mad that Lee Corso is simply on college game day. Yes, Lucy, you are nominated for a footy. We also have Ryan Day to Lou Holtz after the Notre Dame Ohio State game, wondering Lou Holtz was. Probably asleep.

And finally, a surprise nomination for Chris Cody. Chris Cody to his father, Greg Cody. So the award for most elder abuse, Lucy, who do we think is gonna win this one? Man, Chris can be mean. Man, Chris can be mean. The hair and Chris can be mean. I don't think it's him, but I kinda hope so. Who won the award?

Let's open the envelope. The winner goes to Ryan Day to Lou Ho. Wow. Wow. Man was he angry. I agree. I mean, that was one of the memes of the year. He was so mad.

It was such a weird moment. It was really weird. It was like an on NBC Like everyone's like wow, what a huge win and and that happened. I was at the game actually So I was like throwing up in the bathroom out of anger and and kind of missed the moment happen live and then Saw it after the fact and was just blown away at how strange it was. You could feel that was like building up in Ryan Afer while waiting. So how state against everybody? I was waiting to be mad at Louis Holt on National Doll Vision. I haven't we all though. True.

All right, our next award, Best Cry. Oh, okay. The nominees are Sharon Moore after beating Penn State. Oh, that was The nominees are, Sharon Moore, after beating Penn State. Ooh, that was a good cry. He cried. Butch Jones on the sideline after getting blown out against Oklahoma. More of a saw.

That was really upsetting. And finally, me and every game. Oh, like nominated again. Lucia, are we afraid we're gonna become the better call Saul of footy nominees and not win one? I'm scared because I'm not gonna win this. I don't think you're gonna win this one-called Saul of footy. Nominees are not win-win. I'm scared because- You're not gonna win this. I don't think you're gonna win this one

because actually, Shiro Mor, won the footy for Best Cry. Ah. Happy for him. I mean, you deserved the moment, but it was a very dramatic sob. I cried it every day. He cried it one day. I cried it every day.

No, we know of. No, we know of. Sure, it was a good cry. Happy for him. Ooh, we had a big one coming up here. We know a game. That we know of. Sure, it was a good cry. Happy for him. Ooh, we had a big one coming up here. Tell us who it is. All right. The Mario Christball Award for Game Management.

Ooh, wow. We have a stack field. We have Georgia Tech in Miami, the end of the game debacle where Mario Christball did not kneel it out in Georgia Tech 1. We have Jed Fish at the end of the game debacle where Mario Christophe all did not kneel it out in Georgia Tech 1. We have Jed Fish at the end of the Arizona USC game. That was when we had to talk about overtime rules after that. Also congrats on the Washington job to Jed Fish.

We also have another Mario Christophe nomination. The end of the pinstripe bolt finishing the season with all those timeouts in your pocket, carrying them over to Wake One next year. I like the move Mario. And finally, the referees at the end of the Iowa Minnesota game. Lucy, I feel like you nominated that yourself. There's not a catch that this, not this, this tune into YouTube, by the way.

Um, all right. We'll tell us who won. The winner is, and this is the right choice. It's the right choice. The Georgia Tech Miami Needaboccal! One of the best moments of the season, if not the best. I feel like this should win multiple awards, because similar to the Ryan Day thing, like this was something that broke contain outside of the college football world.

Everyone, I mean NFL coaches were talking about this it was it was a big deal It was very upsetting so congrats tomorrow crystal for winning the Mario crystal ball award for game management That's huge this was a this was a moment where it didn't even feel real that it actually didn't feel real It really no you're absolutely right and this also happened as noted aim was losing on like ABC and I was like all right Well turn on the stupid Miami game because everyone's tweeting at me and it made me feel so much better because being a hater is so much fun.

I had the opposite where I turned this game off with like a minute, 30 left. I'm doing the math in my head. I'm like, oh, this game's over. And then I get the notification that like Georgia Tech has the ball. I'm like, something's not adding up to your- How was that?

Yeah, that was an upsetting game if you were a Miami fan. But, and then you lost a ruckus. So I guess things got worse from there. You're also undefeated at the time. That was Miami's first. I mean, it can't be overstated. How insane that was. PCS number one.

PCS number one. PCS number one. Miami, that's absolutely tough. So our next award is the biggest game that ended up meaning nothing. The nominees are, you and see Miami, no Taylor, on the list. Notre Dame Ohio State.

Mm, me, sad. TCU, Colorado. Ooh. Every Florida State game. And Ohio State Pins State. All right, Lucy, well, I feel like there's a very obvious winner here. It turns out the biggest game that ended up meaning nothing was actually all of the Florida state

games this year. Every single game. Because they went 13 and 0 and did not make the play off famously. Do you think Buchorgan knew Sabin was retiring and was like, we got to put him in there. It's his last last ride. He wouldn't save an announce he was retiring. He just like broken, like started sobbing. He would have won Best Cry, we were being like, I'm saved, I'm saved. Man, sorry to Florida State, but it was tremendous content for a while.

Would never want it to happen to me though, but very deserving award winners. Next we have, oh, another big one. They're all big ones folks. If you're not catching on, every single award is important here at the footies. We have the Dan Levitard. He's changing the game and coming for everybody's stuff award.

Wow. Okay, our nominees, Deon Sanders, Mike Ryan, the first booster to ever be on the Dan Levitard show. And David Braun, Lucy, explain this one to me. Head coach Northwestern. That's a Northwestern team that won a bowl game against Utah. True. They weren't supposed to win a single game this year. God.

Man, I'm talking myself into the David Braun answer. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Okay, well, tell us who won. Open the envelope. I kind of wish all three could win. I really do. This is one of those awards that's hard to announce. Who would Dan Levitard pick?

And the winner is Deon Sanders. Yay. Finally an award for Colorado. They've been nominated a few times on here. This one means more than sports person. This one means objectively more. He now has a footy. Remember when every show was just Deon talk?

Yes. Every show we did. Every show we did, yes it was. Yeah, I do remember that. We had that board in the back oh man We should have kept that because I feel like at this point until right now it would have been right now It would have been at like 60 days. Maybe I'm maybe maybe like 20 days maybe like a week and a half I don't know when was the last time Dan talked about Dion. It's a long time portal portal all right, so great reason. Yeah, yeah

All right, all, our next award. This one, a sad one. The best memorial for a coach that is still alive. Surprisingly, a lot. A happy one. A lot of nominations. Alright, tell us who's nominated. Alright, the nominees are Jim Harbaugh and the four. Yeah. That was for the first suspension. That was for the first suspension. Okay. And I think they had free Harbaugh also for the first suspension. That was for the first suspension. Okay. And I think they had free hardball also for the first suspension and they got to reuse those for the second suspension. Yeah. Suspension. So good for you guys. Nick Sabin and all the oatmeal cream pies, candles, candles, also, bag of ice, which just left out there. I want to steal that. I want to take in that. I always use more ice. Lee Corsell.

No. Yeah. They did that tribute to him on the go. It was very sweet. That's a non-sarcastic nomination. Non-sarcastic. And then my final one or my favorite one, Brian Farons wearing all black after he was let go and refusing to wear the Iwo logo. That was sort of his own.

Wow, this is a stacked category. It's more really tall. Four legendary coaches. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. Jim Harbaw won because that was a fun one. Everyone pay respect. And our next footy goes to the James Franklin fraud of the year. Oh, wow. I wonder who's going to win this one. Very similar to our Mario Christopher Ballward for gay management, where you kind of have to wonder, should the guy who the award is named after just win it every year. But we'll find out because the nominees

are the Liberty Flames. James Franklin, Lincoln Riley. Oh, that's mean, and Conor Stallion's vacuum company on Amazon, delivering dirty vacuums to people who thought they were getting clean refurbished ones. Hey, it's Mike Ryan. I love football and I love Miller Light. Why do I love Miller Light? Well, dependable flavor, the fact that it's a beer, that tastes like beer, the fact that when I'm having a Miller light I don't have to think for one second about the beer that I'm drinking and I know that it's only 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. It's my favorite beer. I believe in the product. You might be sick of hearing me talk about it But I'll be talking about it till I'm old and gray because Miller light is with me wherever I go

No matter the season and especially the wintertime I love drinking Miller Lite during the winners because when it's cold outside I don't need to be too busy for it. It's a perfect temp. It is the best beer and it pairs well with Playoff football. Miller Lite, great taste 96 calories. Go to MillerLite.com slash Dan to find delivery options near you or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere that they sell beer. Taste like Miller Time, celebrate responsibly, Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 calories, and 3.2 carbs, per 12 ounces. Don Lebertard! You getting started on the breakfast spot?

Oh man, I've been singing a song to myself all morning long. Breakfast, blonde, dun dun dun dun. Stoo gotch! You never heard the breakfast song song? No, were that. Okay. I wish I had some breakfast fun. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do This is the Don't Levitar Show with this two-gats. Now, this is a cameo. Now on cameo, yeah.

So who wins our inaugural James Franklin Fraud of the Year Award, Lucy? Well, this one can go to none other than James Franklin himself. The OG. Congratulations, James. A lot of people are mad at us because they think that we're not fair to James Franklin and Penn State, and I would just like to point out that we're not fair to anyone. We're very mean people. If you're not, if you haven't caught on to that by now, we hate your team. We hate you very much. Also, we should have got Conner Stallions to announce the. He's got I mean he's never gonna pay for a drink and an arbor ever in his life

He sure didn't he's a national champion. Do you think of harbott gets the chargers job or wherever he ends up going Conor stallions has a shot of being back on that staff next year is against you double a like no no no no I think he won't go back to Michigan, but I think he'll follow Jim. I was gonna I was gonna say Connor stallions, like if Jim Harball leaves, there's part of Connor Stallions. Mine was like, I might get interviewed for this. I'm sure. Well, it's a lot of fun.

So Lucy, what's our next award? All right, next category, fan of the year. Oh, and the nominees are Tyler from Spartanburg. How do we forget? Tyler, Tyler, Cole from Oklahoma State, we met you there. year. Ooh. And the nominees are Tyler from Spartanburg. How do we forget about Tyler? I'm Tyler. Cole from Oakwell Mistate. We met you there and you were awesome. He's the one that loves Tony. Love's Tony. No one has ever been that

excited to see me in human history. So cool. That's what you made on here. Peewee from Grand Bay. Me. Lucy. Fan of the year nominee. Okay. You're third. There's like a bird. There's a word to something. You're third nomination, maybe a one. This one.

And finally, the guys that wore the punt sweatshirts to all the Iowa games. Wow. Oh my God. Another stacked category. But our winner is the one and only Tyler from Spartanburg. Sorry, Lucy.

I mean, Tyler from Spartanburg turned around an entire season for the Clemson Tigers. And whether or not he was a plant, I mean, Tyler from Spartanburg turned around an entire season for the Clemson Tigers and whether or not he was a plant I don't know but he did a lot for Davos Wini's career All right, and a lot for that team ended up finishing the season nine and four one their bowl game Gate role very exciting stuff So thank you to Tyler from Spartanburg. I suppose for the content and also for being the best fan out there You got your team to go on a little winning streak. Thank you, Tyler.

And our next award, this feels like this should be our last one, but it's not. We have actually three more. So we're near the end of the footies, Lucy, and I'm very sad. But this is the award for best foot. Ooh, the footy for best foot nominees are Shane Beamer, who broke his foot this year kicking something. He wouldn't tell us what because he was very mad and very sad. Harrison Mevis, the thicker kicker, he hit that 61 yard bomb field goal, Lucy, and it

was absolutely electric. We also got to see him play in the bowl game. So shout out to Harrison Mevis, maybe he'll win. And finally your favorite Tori Taylor, the punter at Iowa Lucy, who's gonna win the inaugural footy for best foot? I am so proud to announce that the winner is Tori Taylor from the University of Iowa. Wow. Okay.

Can you give an acceptance speech on his behalf? I wish we had an accent. I wish we had an accent. He's gone now. You just say, NAR. NAR. Yeah. I did that.

If I were Tori Taylor, I would say thank you to myself for being better than everyone else. And thank you to Brian Farons for keeping those puns coming. Thank you so much. Don't know what I do without you. Guess what, the next guy I was bringing in. I've watched this tape. You just great.

Ooh, it's like following Sabin though. It's a tough act. You don't want to be the guy after the guy. Taylor, you told me you have a stat here. Give it to me. Yep, Tori Taylor led the NCAA in punts this year. 93 punts. Second, he had 13 more than second place, 22 more than

third place. Wow. He was so good at it too. He was so good at it too. He kept us, we would probably be what, we were 10 and free, we're just disgusting and crazy. That is crazy. Yeah.

We talk about like one of the worst statistical offenses in college football wins 10 games in the big 10. You know how they do that? He'll position. That's what. Tori Taylor. I mean, I think you can actually like he won Iowa games. You won several games.

Yeah, I mean, we joke, but he absolutely deserves this foot. He six and a half ponds per game. Crazy number. It's a lot of ponds. I'm kind of numb to it. So I'm like, yeah, Lucy's like, I have no concept of what is a crazy number of punks anymore. All right, Lucy, who do we have next?

All right, our next award is thanks for the memories. No. A sad one. And the nominees are the pack 12. Sad. Nick Sabin. No. Sabin.

Jimbo Fisher. Oof. And a special category for all the quarterbacks leaving College football this year. No. Sabin. Jimbo Fisher. Woof. And a special category for all the quarterbacks leaving College Football this year. Wow. Can you give us a list of who that is? Sam Hartman. Oh, he should win.

Oh, Nick's. Every award. Telia. Tanner Mordekai. Jaden Daniels, Heisman winner. Yeah. Spencer Rather. Is he really done?

I think he was on the list of quarterbacks entering the draft in 2024. Keaton Slowvis, Spins or Sanders, and J.T. Daniels. Wow, these are names that I feel like I've gotten I've gotten accustomed to just hearing on Saturdays during football season, whatever team that they're on, I've enjoyed watching all of these quarter, I will miss them all, especially Sam Hartman,

Notre Dame. If he starts a game in the NFL, do you think he'll say Notre Dame or wake for us? I think it's a question for a lot of these quarterbacks. I mean, Bonaix is obviously going to say Oregon, but you know, some of these guys could see it go either way. Should ask them. I will ask. I will ask them that. Who wins this award, Lucy? The winner for things for the memories. None other than the PAC-12 conference.

Oh, yay! Sort of gone and never forgotten. I really, it would have been a nice poetic ending for Washington to win the National Championship because I think that was what a lot of fans were building towards. Like, look, you ruined this great thing. You stupid television networks and university presidents and athletic directors and all these greedy people. Look, this was the best year ever of the Pac-12.

More parity than ever. Best quarterbacks in all of college football in this league. And now they won, but they didn't. So it kind of sucked. And now they're joining the Big Ten who did win. So didn't get the little nice meat bow at the end of it. But regardless, I mean, it is, next year is going to be extremely chaotic

because of all of the Sabons gone, the conferences are completely different and all of these other portal obviously is a bit crazy, but it is going to be so weird to just see the pack 12 teams that have left part of all the new, like the Big Ten and the big 12 and the ACC it just is going to take a long time to get used to and it makes me sad. Can't wait for UCLA record stuff really. Wow. Looking forward to that one. There are. I mean the schedules they do

intrigue me. They're weird. They're very weird. So odd. Can't wait to see the USC playing at Ryan Field. But thanks for the memories, Pact 12. We hardly knew you. All right, ready for our final category. I'm ready, Lucy. This one, the last footy. Moment of the year. And the nominees are the Conor Stallion Sign Stealing Scandal.

Wow, that's a lot of S's. That, wow, say it five times fast. Conor Stallion Sign Stealing Scandals. Conor Stallion Sign Stealing Scandal. Conor Stallion, okay, I'm done. It's hard, you have to be really tough. More, wow. Say it five times fast. Connor Salian, signed ceiling scandals. Connor Salian, signed ceiling scandal. Connor Salian, okay, I'm done. It's hard. Yeah. It's really tough. More than 12. All right. Just some special moments from that. He wrote a 500 page Michigan manifesto. Yeah. How he would one day lead the program. That is a post

movie now. And he ran a vacuum business quite unsuccessfully all at the same time. That's not easy to do. Huge foundation. I mean, when we look back on 2023, I don't know how we're not immediately associating the season with Connor Stallion. So if he doesn't win, it is an upset. He's my time. He is my sports person of the year.

It was probably one of my, yes, absolutely. One of my, he should win every footy. Like one of the most insane, like few weeks of college football was just every new Conor Stallion's update coming trickling out. Every new thing you found out about him was so weird and so just batch it and just I had the entire thing was so weird. We still haven't really gotten a full resolution to it yet either other than he's not on, he's not on the staff anymore.

So it was a weird time to be alive. He is in my heart. to it yet either other than he's not on the staff anymore. So it was a weird time to be alive. He is in my heart. Give me the other nominees though. Next nominee is Alabama beating Auburn on a fourth and goal here, Hail Mary from the 32 yard line. Yeah, fourth and 31. If that had been one of those plays,

we all remember forever. If that had not gone, Alabama's way, we would be celebrating a dog's three-peat right now. That's just insane to think about, but hey, it happens. That's why they brought in Hugh Freeze to beat Nick Saban who was no longer there and then didn't even do it. How did Hugh Freeze not get nominated? Is he on this, I guess this technically is a Hugh Freeze back-handed nomination, but... Yeah, sort of. Should have been on this list somewhere. Anywho, give me the other ones.

Next nominee is Florida State Missing Out on the Playoffs. Oh, sad. They're the one. I wouldn't give that moment of the year. It was sad moment of the year. Yeah. Next nominee, this is a good one. Jeff Trailer getting his finger caught in one of those

mouse traps that he planted around the facility when they were like, hey, don't go after the cheese and then he did do that. Yeah, I would do it to I love cheese. That's like my main food group. Our next nominee, the possum on the field during the Texas day. Oh yeah! I love that guy, he was so cute. Look, you throw tortillas on the field, you're gonna get animals.

Yeah! And it was great. All right, Conor Stallions, I don'tillas on the field. You're gonna get animals. Yeah. And it was great. All right, Conor Stallions. I don't know. This other animal themed one might win now. This is tough. All right, next nominee is Menelog Media

playing for the wrong national G.M.E. show game, Red Angel for Lizzie. Yeah. Oh, man, that one was so many. And not even getting that. Not even getting it for the F.E. Yeah, that one. Yeah. Yeah. I mean it's also sad. Like this could be the sad sad moment of the year

along before the stay-killing left out. Sorry I'll stop. Yeah yeah no it's I'm so glad I'm reached love in this. In the final nominee, Pop Tark ball now. Yay! All right, Lucy, the winner of our final footy, the moment of the year is the Pop-Tart Ball mascot getting sacrificed and eaten by Kansas State players after the first ever Pop-Tart Ball. Wow, what a moment. This has been such a fun award, Shalusi. All of these nominees are very deserving of footies

I don't know how we're gonna top this next year. What was your what was your favorite moment of the college football season? Oh, that's a good one. I'm growing parents got fired was I don't know I thought it was I mean mine is very personal to me which was Notre Dame beating USC at home and USC was undefeated. And then Sam Hartman did the this thing, which is very funny.

Like Texas basketball can't handle the horns down. Good luck in the SEC bodies. Oh man, you also you should be watching this on YouTube because that didn't make a lot of sense over audio. I was doing the fight on, but fight off thing with the Sam Hartman did with the upside down. But you know what I'm talking about. Anyways, that was my favorite moment.

But you know, Conor Stallions, it's a really close. It's like 1A1B because that shit was funny. Yeah, that's my favorite. All right, long live. Well, maybe that should have won moment of the year that we both agree. Who decided who the winners were? Taylor.

We had a committee. No, if it were us, I definitely would have won. I don't trust the committee. Lucy, 0 for 5 at the footies. Yeah. Yeah. No, if it were us, I definitely would have won. I don't trust the committee. Lucy over five at the footies Oh, man, maybe better like next year Well, thanks for watching the footies everyone On Gen CFP We're not for girls Why don't we name our awards at foot foot feet Foot feet. The generations, the gins, the jennies.

The jennies. We got the jennies. I don't know what it means. God. The ballies? Ballies? I don't know. I like putties.

We'll stick with putties. Don Lebertard. The alley has a bad reputation in general. It does. It does. Brought American history. But on South Beach, someone's always just sitting somewhere, smoking a cigarette.

You can't go down an alley around here and not see someone sitting there smoking a cigarette. It retains a pulsating heat from the night before. You walk by some liquid that your like is that water. It's rain last night. That's definitely not water. Avoid the liquid. Always avoid the liquid in an alley.

Still gots. I venture to guess that if you were to rake your tongue on the asphalt of an alley, you would die immediately. I don't think it would be immediately, though. First, you'd contract very quickly right before death, several sexual diseases, and then you would die. This is the Don Limita Show with this Tugats! So yesterday on public tour, I find out the podcast feed or the YouTube channel, please subscribe to both. You got an investigation, a reveal of who was inside the Pop Heart costume.

And Sarah Span and Charlie Wilder helped us solve that mystery as well as a couple of others. It's a good episode. Go find it over there. Today though, we're giving you a taste over here of Roy Wood Jr. Who's a friend of the Metal Arc Empire at this point? But I wanted to dive deep into one particular part here with you, the part about what it's like to host the White House Correspondence Dinner, which means that you're making fun of the President of the United States to his face.

So please enjoy. Roy, the podium is yours. I'm going to be fine with your jokes, but I'm not sure about dark branding. Oh, you're a pal. It is probably the most nerve-wracking gig next to Showtime at the Apollo Amateur night, which I still would rank more difficult than the correspondant spinner. How old were you when you did that? 21, 22. The thing about the Apollo theater that they don't

tell you, everybody's drunk. People are drinking at least in 02 when I did the Apollo, mixed drinks was four dollars. So people was having a ball and they blocked shoot the show. So it's a like their drunk at the correspondence dinner, but it's classy tuxedo drunk. So I'm just I'm one drink too many into drunkenness. Yeah. Where's it? The Apollo cat in the third deck. How good night for you. The drunker you are, the scarier you are as an audience member.

For a comedian, yes, for an amateur comedian, absolutely. For a room full of drunk people, and I have to impress you. I'd rather be in the locker room, trying to make LeBron chuckle. You shoot all of the music acts first. Most music acts do two performances.

So P Diddy and the family does two two songs. DMX comes out and does two songs. Then Jowrool comes out and does two songs. So the first 45 minutes is just some of the best. Hip hop you've ever seen. You're following that. Oh, not yet. No, it's it's all of these Grammy winners just rocking and buster rhymes and just killing it. How going crazy? This point we're about two hour, I wanna have two hours into this audience, just drinking. And then Rudy Rush goes,

all right, child, time for the amateur comedians. You don't stand a chance. All right, we're gonna bring out the next contender. He's been dominating for a while. His weight class is getting up, y'all. From Alabama, y'all. Burman Ham, that is. Y'all give it up.

My man's great words, Jimmy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're comedians that I saw that night, who to this day, I have witnessed very few comedians crush as hard as they crushed. My sh** just wasn't on point. But y'all just like now, self, man. I feel as you go to the club, you pay for the ladies drinks, right? Yeah. Yeah, they cheap back that down, self.

Give it real. Drink's cost too much. You're feeling me, bro? It was one of those bombs where I bombed, and then I stayed to watch the other comedians, because I've driven from Alabama, I'm sleeping in my car out in Jersey. No, if I suck, that's cool,

but let's see what does well so I can better understand the psychology of this audience. Roy, you were the guy, the athlete who loses the game game But is standing on the field watching the trophy presentation. Yeah Yeah, it's Tommy John and can cause it after we lost on last comic standing. I'm standing in another person's confetti Oh man, and you never want to stand in another person's confetti But I did that night because I want I have to know I have to know How otherwise how am I getting better? Right.

Right. A starting point of getting booed. Did you get better? Nobody's gonna remember you. They're gonna remember me. What did you learn as you were watching other people's confetti rain down upon you? You need to high energy, you need to connect fast.

You only have three minutes. The audience doesn't know you and their tips. A summer drum. So it's about relating to them on their level. It's not about being who you want to be. It's about showing them that you can relate to who they are. And that's the quickest way to connect with the roomful of strangers. And even with everything else I host it, it's the same, same game.

Right. And so I want to bring us back to the dayists where you take over for the president of the United States. And immediately, you shake hands with them, and you make fun of them. Immediately. Have to. I have to. Don't give it up for dark branding.

Thank you. Well, man, I'm happy to be here. Oh, real quick, Mr. President. I think you left some of your classified documents up here. You can get to know. Yeah. Yeah, and I don't give them to them. I'll put them in a safe place.

He don't know where to keep them. I must. At the time, the document stuff was starting to come up. And I didn't have a lot of material about documents in Mar-a-Lago and Mike Pence's name. It'd been swirling and button. We just like, what if just Biden left documents at the podium?

What if we just gave him back his documents that he left? Yeah, that could work. Might not work. But in case it doesn't work, let's do it quickly as he's sitting down. So now, if it doesn't work, it feels like it wasn't even a joke that I attempted. Yeah.

It's a free joke. Yeah. Because it's still, we're transitioning, we're, the transition of power to the microphone. Then you go, hello, how are you doing tonight? There immediately you live up to the rule that you set out, which is I'm going to establish who I am for those who are not familiar

and I'm going to make fun of myself. Out the gate, I know you don't know who I am. So let's address that. I'm well aware that not everybody in this room knows who I am. So let's just address the elephant in the room. I know what it is. Half this room, think I'm Keenan Thompson. Other half think I'm Louis Armstrong.

President Biden thinks I'm the daddy, your family matters. I just feel like in so many situations where I've been hosting, I'm operating against an audience where half of them don't know who I am, so you don't know what to expect. It's not like Jimmy Kimmel at the Oscars.

You know Jimmy Kimmel, you know what he's about. So Jimmy doesn't have to, he doesn't have to add preamble at the beginning of his set, whereas I felt like this year for just most of all of every show. It's just because they're all different. None of these demos were the same either. It's so funny to go look at just like a montage of the cutaways to the crowd. Because I can see all of your s*** in like, of course, the two days and I was like, oh my God, like they just cut away to a baseball player

that I can't even identify. Yeah. And then they cut away to, again, Will Smith. And then, oh, there's- And Kelly and Conway. Kelly and Conway. And so it's a difference between like, one of my sets and maybe let's just say Ricky

Dervace when he used to host Golden Globes. Ricky Dervace has a huge advantage over most performers that have hosted Golden Globes and that he is one of that community at a level of prestige and they already know what he's about. You already know my politics, you know what I do. So, Javessa ain't got a way some time. He can come in just out the gate, jab, jab, jab, jab. Same as Jimmy Kimmel at the Oscars. If Jimmy wants to take a shot at somebody, he can. Cause half a y'all been on my show.

So you know what I'm, you know whether or not I'm serious or being malicious. Where if you just joblo, comedian, that the audience doesn't know as much, then immediately they're just gonna go, oh, how dare you. Could you believe he did? Nobody reacted like that with Jervais,

but they did with Jokoy. Yeah. Same event, same, same, same stars. As you know, we came on after a football double header. The big difference between the golden gloves and the NFL, on the golden gloves, we have fewer carnivore shots of Taylor Swift. I swear, we're just worth a go to here.

Sorry about that. I was gonna ask how you felt watching him go through the experience of working a room that was not f***ing with him in the least at the golden gloves. He did the jokes. You do the jokes that you write. And if they laugh, they laugh, but they don't, they don't. You have to stay true to the material.

You can't call an audible and lash out and attack the audience, but that's also what I'm talking about in the sense of what they gave Joe Koi wasn't fair, because you wouldn't have given that the Ricky Gervais and Ricky Gervais would have been harder, John, Ricky Gervais would have told John that Ricky Gervais would have opened with an Epstein Island joke.

Yes. Off the rip. So this idea of getting mad and then calling a comedian oh, and he was nasty. Right, the idea that Taylor and Shoeips taking a drink from her glass was an indictment of the host to me as infuriating, not because I loved Joe Koi's set, but it's because why that's the indictment of the joke to me isn't furiating, not because I loved Joe Coise set,

but it's because why that's the indictment of the joke that she didn't like it? Okay, don't like the joke, but then to turn around and go, this was a malicious attack on the community. No, it was animals, jokes. If the audience has already decided we don't, who are you, then you're already coming in with two strikes out the gate,

so what I've tried to do with some of these sets is get that out of the way, but that costs time and you can just be doing the jokes. Jocqueau just did the jokes. Fine, I chose, hey, political people, don't he be losing documents? All right, you don't know who I am, do you? Ha ha ha, okay, now let's start.

Right. But that cost me four minutes. Yep, yep, yep. So those are jokes that, you know, nobody remembers those jokes the same as the Clannettce Thomas NFT joke or something like that. Billionaire named Harlan Crowe. Flying Clarence Thomas all over the world on unreported trips, like an Instagram model, taking Clarence to the Maldives and the beaches and all the payphones in Mama's house, this Billionaire. Pay for Clarence Thomas Mama's house. I gotta give it up to Billionaires. Billionaires, boy, y'all, y'all are

relentless, y'all always come up with something new to buy. Just when you think of everything you could buy on earth, you billionaire will come up with a new thing y'all doing by space rockets, you bought Twitter. This man bought a Supreme Court Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, Facebook he belongs to billionaire Harlan Crowe, and that's what an NFT is.

That one's my favorite. I wonder if it is also your favorite. Oh. There are some good ones. Now the school shooting one I like more. Only because it wasn't supposed to get a laugh and it got the groan that we hoped for. Drag queens are not at a school to groan your kids.

Stop this. Like the groan where it was like, Why are you worried about trans people into schools? Even if they were, most of them kids gonna get shot at school, It ain't no problem. Those brown past legislation. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Like they booms going by than me. I'm like, I'm like Mitch McConnell. I ain't got no soul. Those kids are just gonna get shot anyway. I mean, whoa. All right, for the rest of Roy, and he's get shot anyway. And then oh. I All right, for the rest of Roy and he is really good. He hangs out with Bartolo

Kelone at one point. He explains why he left the daily show also. That's over in the PTFO feeds. Please come over there for that. It's never going to be in this feed. Ever. But next Tuesday also, and on Tuesday, by the way, an episode that Dan Levitard is deeply uncomfortable with. And I understand why I am also incredibly uneasy about the fact that we're doing this episode, but that is coming on Tuesday over in the PTFO feed as well.

So I'll see you then. Hey, it's Mike Ryan. I love football and I love Miller light. Why do I love Miller light? Well, the penable flavor, the fact that it's a beer that tastes like beer, the fact that when I'm having a Miller light, I don't have to think for one second about the beer that I'm drinking. And I know that it's only 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. It's my favorite beer. I believe in the product. You might be sick of hearing me talk about it, No, that it's only 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. It's my favorite beer. I believe in the product.

You might be sick of hearing me talk about it, but I'll be talking about it till I'm old and gray. Because Miller Light is with me wherever I go no matter the season. And especially the winter time, I love drinking Miller Light during the winter, because when it's cold outside, I don't need a cozy for it. It's a perfect temp. It is the best beer. And it pairs well with Playoff football.

Miller Light, great taste, 96 calories. Go to MillerLite.com slash Dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Light pretty much anywhere that they sell beer. Taste like Miller Time, celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 calories, and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. 6 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.