The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Hour 2: The Pleasure Center

Episode Date: July 10, 2024

We kick things off with everyone's favorite game: AGAINST! THE! SPREAD! Then, David delivers his Top 5 Firings of His Career and Jeremy gives us his Top 5 Songs Written For Movies That Ended Up Being the Artist's Best Song. Plus, sex therapist and host of the "Shameless Sex Podcast" April Lampert joins the show to answer the show's questions about sex including the best ways to pleasure your partner. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Giraffe King's Network. miss it. Meeting with friends before the show? We can book your reservation. And when you get to the main event, skip to the good bit using the card member entrance. Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of AmeriMexpress. Visit amex.ca slash ymx. Benefits vary by card, other conditions apply. This is the Don LeBattor Show with the StuGuts Podcast. That's right, it's time for... Against the Spray! And it is brought to you by our friends at DraftKings.

Stay tuned because you'll hear all about what DraftKings has to offer throughout the show. DraftKings, the crown is yours. Let's start with Jeremy Tashay, what do you got? We were talking about kids day in the WNBA. The Aces are at the storm today, but the Aces are favored by four. I'm gonna take the Las Vegas Aces minus four

W the Atlanta dream my Atlanta dream are going to Chicago to face my Atlanta Chicago sky I think the Chicago sky Angel Reese Camila Cardoso young Ken and Barbie will get the job done The spread is seven and 1 half. I'm taking the Chicago sky. Against the spread. Charlie's maiden voyage on Against the Spread. And this voyage is going across the pond. To Wimbledon.

Carlos Alcaraz. Alki. In the semifinals. A King Loney effort. Minus 4 andfinals. Against the old Medvedev. Minus four and a half games in the spread. Too much variety. The drop shot, able to spread the court wide. He's going to beat Medvedev in straight sets.

The minus four and a half, lock it in. Against the spread. They'll bring us home. I'm gonna bring it back to the WNBA. I got a feeling about this one. I'm gonna take the Washington Mystics plus seven over the Indiana Beasts. Charlie's team, wow!

I think it's because Charlie's in town. There's just something about Washington I'm feeling and that minus seven for Indiana, they did have a big win this weekend. Or they beat the New York Liberty. So Liberty kind of dismissively said, this was our, this was their super, what's going on David, you okay?

Again, the Sprig! Keep going Billy, I love it. That's it, the end. But is David okay? Yeah, no, he was checking on me because I had my mouth open, I was waiting for the end. We were about to, we were trying to go with against, we were prepared, we were ready, and then Billy had another thought,, we were trying to go with against. We were prepared, we were ready,

and then Billy had another thought, and we were trying to see if we could hold our breath long enough before doing it. It's private conversation while I'm talking. Yeah, it's really disrupting the show. Of course you cut off the WNBA analysis. Shame on you, misogynists. Love it.

Not one baseball pick in an entire row. I'm not allowed to bet on baseball. Those spreads in baseball, I hate the spreads. Baseball's always minus one and a half. It's a sucker's bet. You like minus four and a half games in a tennis match? I like it more than those damn run lines in baseball. We just love those.

Is that, you assume that Alcares will get to 18? No, no, no, that'll be total games. This is, in the sets wins, wait, it's not winning in tiebreakers. It's like, winning six, four, six, four, I guess six, four, six, four, seven, six would be minus four and a half games. So it's over the course of the sets that he wins.

Or if he wins in four sets, does he get a minus? Yeah, could've just let it go. Could've just let it go to the store. Could lose two? Yeah, total spread of games. I'm trying to teach people. Spread. Who gets the spread against spread?

Do we not want to teach people how to bet tennis? Pablo, you're back in a big chair. Grab the wheel, doggy. The top five people David Sampson has fired. Bow bow bow. I do have a list of that. I spent some time on this because you asked me to. Thank you, sir to thank you sir

Do you have thought back to my whole career? Do you have OLA's or straight five? outside looking in Well, I don't know what you would I get there's more than five So do you have more than five so sometimes I had a cut I had to cut it down. Oh boy Yeah, well doesn't everyone who does a top five How do we not do the show every know? You don't get the show. How do we not? I just do the show every week.

You don't know how the show works. Nevermind. I'm okay to admit when I don't get something. Number five. Jeff Torborg. I got a story for you on the Jeff Torborg firing. Jeff Torborg was our manager in Montreal. He moved with us to Florida.

He was only hired as the manager because our owner made us hire him because he was a personal friend, and we fired Felipe Lou to bring in Jeff Torborg. But Jeff Torborg made us hire all of his kids, which is absurd. Can you imagine firing your kids to work with you? Oh my gosh, nuts.

No one would ever do that. And so his kid, one of them was a wrestler. Yeah, Dale Torborg. Yes! Why do you know that? I just know things, man. So the benefit of firing Jeff Torborg is that we also got to fire Dale Torborg.

They both got to go, and having Torborg gone, it was a dream come true. That makes me think of an important question. Jordan or Torborg? Number four. Dale Torborg was like a knock off kiss wrestler. Yeah, I looked him up. He's the kiss demon. Yes.

The MVP, the demon, and also his last ring name was Dale Torborg. That's his actual name. Number four. A pitching coach named Brad Arnsberg. a pitching coach named Brad Arnsberg. He had to be chased. When we went to fire him, he would not allow himself to be fired because he thought he was untouchable because of his relationship with the owner,

but it was a power struggle. We won to get him fired, had to be chased. Physically, like, literally. Literally chased in order to get him fired. So it was like you're serving somebody like a, like they were trying to hide. Gotcha. I need the visual of where this chase is happening.

Is it like through the tunnels of the stadium? A parking lot, a parking lot. And are you jogging at some point in this chase? So I wasn't the chaser. Okay, yeah, you have someone chase for you, of course. Yeah, I don't wanna be that. I'm the team president. I'm not chasing anyone.

But you enjoy the firing so much, I thought you might get your hand in the dirt for this. And you like running. You know what, I got the perfect fit. Can you imagine? Bad boys back. Can you imagine? It's like the police officer or the bounty hunter

who's like, oh yeah, this is what I'm here for. Gotcha, it's more like the security people when someone runs on the field. Can I raise a related but separate Marlins person being chased story? Because I'm on Dale Torborg's Wikipedia page and it says Torborg later served as a strength and conditioning coach for the Florida Marlins

during his father's tenure as a manager from 02 to 03. He made news when he, if you can put him on, if you can show the kiss demon, the kiss demon Dale Torborg made news when he scared Marlins pitcher Eltonio Alfonseca into hiding in a trainer's room after Alfonseca swore at him in Spanish while refusing Torborg's request for a weigh-in.

Does that feel right? Yeah, there was a lot of stuff under Torborg that wasn't great. Alfonseca, for people who don't know, had extra digits. Shake his hand, you get a little tickle. He had an extra pinky. Would it actually tickle you? Yes.

Yes, because my hand, I have a very small hand. So when you- Extra ticklish. There's no correlation, by the way. So when you shake a hand, you get the when you extra tickle, there's no correlation by the way So when you when you shake a hand you get the little tickle tickle We're gonna ask the sex therapist about about pickle tickle not that part number three Billy the Marlin Here's how this went I

Asked a very simple question when I got to Florida. Why does a guy, why does it matter who's under a mascot costume? Why is he paid so much? Billy the Marlin's a costume, there's a person under it. Shocking. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't think that's true, brother. There's a lot of people who listen to the show

that drive around with people in their cars that may not know that information. So I don't think the Marlin, true. Yeah, it's just a Marlin.'s just a real Marlin, bro. But theoretically, in this example. You're accusing me of a spoiler alert for that mascots are not real? They are.

You don't say certain things aren't real, like the big guy around the 25th. We got a lot of listeners that listen with their... I want to respect the audience. Oh, but I do do wanna hear the story. That's pretty sad. So what happened? You fired Billy the Marlin?

And he was a long time, he was the guy. And we realized that we can get another guy who we pay way less money to, and because the older guy was doing side hustles with Billy the Marlin. Taking Billy to parties and taking Billy to various places and getting paid money with our mascot. And we said, no, the rules are changing.

And he said, no, this was part of my old deal. And we said, well, there's a new sheriff in town and his name is Axel F. That's amazing. Damn, bro. That was a good buy. You actually made the right choice. That was pretty crazy.

So, and by the way, the guy who became Billy the Marlin had a huge long career and was fantastic at it. Number two, Ron Book. Ron Book may be someone that none of you know. Ron Book was a lobbyist, a very, very famous lobbyist here in Florida, who was hired by John Henry to help get a new stadium. When we got to Florida, we got rid of every famous lobbyist here in Florida who was hired by John Henry to help get a new stadium. When we got to Florida, we got rid of every single lobbyist.

We fired them all. Ron Book was so angry that we fired him that he made it his, Larry is, we made it his, he made it his lifelong passion to make sure that we never got a stadium built. He became our sworn enemy because we took him off the payroll where he was getting paid money to not get a stadium done basically. And when we let him go and I let him go, I remember it well. Bless his heart. I don't even know if he's alive anymore,

but I will tell you that getting rid of him made me happy. How did you do it? Like this feels like this one. I said I'm doing it myself. Did you have like a, did you have a special line for the people that you were most excited about letting go? Did you have a movie style line that you would say, and see ya later? See ya later, alligator. I don't know, I was trying to figure. No, it was way more professional.

Ron Bookie. Shake his hand, you get a little tickle. Is that what you would do? Or I know what it was, I know what you did. You probably hit him with a knuckle with you buck on the way out the door I Definitely didn't do that Ron book is alive, so he hasn't gone through that door yet. Thankfully. Thankfully. I don't wish him death knock What you buck not not him not to get paid okay, and the number one best firing that really?

Really made me happy Was Joe Girardi? Best firing that really, really made me happy was Joe Girardi. Joe Girardi, we gave him his chance to be a first time manager in 2006. He was a nightmare from the beginning and it was all about his kids and having them around. It was all about his coaches, Bobby Meacham and Gary Tuck

and all these people he demanded to be surrounded with. He was disrespectful to Larry and to Mike and to myself. And we knew we were gonna get him. And we got him good at the end of the season. Well you got him twice, didn't you? Well the first time we didn't wanna get him. The first time was Jeffrey. In the middle of a game.

We had to go down. It was a Sunday afternoon when Mr. Loria came into our box and said fire Girardi right now because Girardi had yelled at him. And this was as he was on his way to winning manager of the year. Yes, so we sent our kids home because we knew we were gonna be in the office late.

We fired Girardi after the game. The players did a mutiny. We rehired Girardi. The play, that's the one time a player mutiny worked. So we rehired him. I mean, not the only time. And then fired him at the end of the season. And when we fired him, I remember looking right into his eyes

and saying, goodbye, Joe. What was the tension? You're fired! What was the tension when the players actually fought back and you guys were like, all right, fine, we'll hire him back. What was that tension like? It was a disaster because that season was a bunch of young guys

and we didn't want to empower any of the young players on the team and Joe had made it his business to doing us against them. And you're showing him as the manager and he didn't have a bad rap. He then went on to manage the Yankees to a title. I would like to request a clip it

on we didn't want to empower any young players on the team. I don't know, I don't need it for the show. I just need it for my personal collection of bullshit that I've heard. Okay, thank you. Just personal. When I, to get me fired up for my workout, I would like to listen to some foolishness like that.

It's just, oh, I'm gonna live something serious that day. And other times, mutinies have worked. I think, was it 1952? The NBA All-Star? No, the NBA All-Star Game, right? That was it. I think, yeah, player mutinies are effective occasionally. When you were facing your player mutiny, David,

do you remember who was like the ringleader of the players? See if you can find Dantrel and ask what Dantrel thought about it. Are you sure it wasn't- Brad! Don't make light of a player mutiny. It was very uncomfortable. And we were actually, we were okay with it

because we didn't want to fire him that minute. We knew we were gonna get him at the end of the year. Oh yeah, you wanted to be mutinied, definitely. When you hire him back, do you give him a little? This isn't gonna last long. You're back, but just a whisper in the ear. I would like to hear about their conversation. We told them the truth.

We said the reason. September 30th. We said. I say dead people. Like in the field. No, we told them the truth, which was, yeah, you went. The players did not want you gone, and just don't do that ever again to Jeffery

for the rest of the season, and we will make sure you don't get fired till the end of the season. 1964 was the All-Star Game Strike, I think, that the basketball players went on. And it's how they got- What were they going after? Pension, I believe.

Yeah. That's big. Yeah, it was big. You guys are evil. People don't realize how important pension is. I got an idea. You know who does realize it. People don't, huh? Yeah, people don't. I got an idea. You know who does realize it. People don't, huh? Yeah, people don't.

Nick Cirillo does. Nick Cirillo knows how important a pensioner is. And his brother. Do you all? Do you get a pension here at MediLark? Oh gosh. That's a good question. You don't know?

Yes, we do. I do not know. I've never sent a piece of paper here. I don't know if I actually work here. Welcome to my faith, not by sight. And that's my top five. There's so many more. The thing is in sports,

and everyone you've worked with in management has a top five. Everyone's fired people. You're hired to be fired. Okay, yeah. Do you dispute the fact that there are many firings that take place in sports? No, of course, yeah.

I've had to fire people. I think you have openly said that you enjoy firing people. I enjoy firing people who deserve to be fired, and that's a distinction that people- So this was top five based on the ones that you enjoyed the most, or just top five most interesting? Because the last one was really interesting.

I actually found these as a combination. I wanted to do this top five list, and the way I pared it down from OLI was that there were ones that were required, there were ones that I didn't want to do, but the owner did. Like, I could have put Larry Bindfest on here. But that one was terrible for me.

I didn't want that to happen. So these are ones that I wanted to happen, or there was a good story attached. What about when you got fired? It's a great one. Yeah. But I didn't do that firing. I thought these were ones I misunderstood.

I thought the top five were ones that I did. No, that's fine. It's the top five were ones that I did. No, that's fine. It's whatever you want it to be, but... I didn't mind. I was... listen. Otherwise I wouldn't be here with you in Chair 3. When you're hiring for your small business, you want to find quality professionals that

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Oh, I like firing people. So I take the opportunity to fire whenever I possibly can because I can use it as a learning experience for them and try to help them out and try to point out what they did wrong. But in this case, the employee was enough levels below where I was that I did not do the firing, but I had it done within moments of discovery.

I like firing people. It's just absurd. It's absurd. Stugats. I'm talking about people who I fire who deserve it, who have done something that actively requires me to fire them. It is my unadulterated pleasure to do so.

This is the Don LeBattar Show with the Stugats. ["Song of the Sunset"] Jeremy Tashay's top five list of songs that came from movie soundtracks. This is going to be very unsurprising, but it's a very white list. O.L.I. What Was I Made For by Billie Eilish for the Barbie. Very good song. The only reason it's O.L.I. is because I'm not sure it's actually her best song. She has a lot of bangers. Another O.L.I. is because I'm not sure it's actually her best song. She has a lot of bangers.

Another O.L.I., New York, New York, by John Kander and Fred Ebb. They also wrote the musicals Cabaret in Chicago, so again, tough to decide that it's their best song. It's a miracle. ["Wild"] Thank you. We can keep it going on that.

I'm confused. You're making this list and the first two don't qualify for the list. That's why they're O.L.I. They're great songs. They're made for movies. You don't understand what O.L.I. means, just like David. O.L.I. is stuff that could be on the list, but wasn't quite good enough. You just wanted to talk about those two songs. I did. I really just wanted to bring those in there. All right. Fine. Did you skip another O.L.I.?

No. Okay. Number five, Night Fever by the another O-L-I? No. Okay. Number five, Night Fever by the Bee Gees for Saturday Night Fever. White guys, white, white, white, white, white. Number four.

I have a Bee Gees inflection on that falsetto. Eye of the Tiger by Survivor for Rocky. White guys, white, white, white, white, white. Can't argue with that one. It's a good one. White guys, white, white, white, white, white. I didn't love White Can't argue with that one. It's a good one. I didn't love White Guy and you on that one, but I mean it's still. Do you think he's gonna go Eric Carmen?

I did not know. I didn't know that was made just for Rocky. It was, it was made for Rocky. It was the theme I believe for Rocky. Number three, the reason this list was created accidentally in love by the Counting Crows for Shrek 2. Love that song. It's not their best song.

Could argue colorblind, I think it's better than Mr. Jones. I do, I genuinely believe it's. Mr. Jones and me. Not better than that. But it is better than Mr. Jones. Number two, Don't You Forget About Me by Simple Minds for the Breakfast Club. White guys. Number two, Don't You Forget About Me, by Simple Minds for The Breakfast Club.

["White Guys"] ["White, white, white, white, white"] And number one, for the City of Angels, Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls. ["White Guys"] Why are you playing it for that? ["White, white, white, white, white"] It's a good song.

I don't know, I'm just. Yeah, it had to be a really white list. I'm me. I mean, waiting to exhale, you didn't ever listen to that soundtrack. Sorry, what? Sunset Park's got a great soundtrack. Kiss from a Rose? Not written for Batman Forever.

That's a single that was featured in Batman Forever. There's a difference here, Pablo. Now you're a stickler. Now you're a stickler. Songs written for movies, not just primarily featured in a movie. I'm not a huge Billy Eilish fan But is it established that that Barbie song is her best song? No, that's kind of why I kept it on the whole I I wanted to mention it great song. It's a beautiful song James Bond song

She wrote in one an Oscar for no that was Adele was it not as Adele what about see you again? Yeah, I actually made maybe should be on the list. Yeah that may honestly that was what about see you again? Yeah, I actually maybe should be on the list Yeah, that may honestly that was what about see you again the Wiz Khalifa song for Paul Walker. Is that his best song? Oh, I forgot about that caveat. Oh lose you all one an Oscar. It's a good one all-time scene though Like when the good one. Yeah way. Yeah, I cried still qualifies for your list. No lose yourself is a good one. Yeah, I that still qualifies for your list. No, Lose Yourself is a good one. Yeah. I think it's a beautiful thing that we criticize people's lists

because of their own taste. No. It's very bothersome to me. You have to be allowed to have a- Yeah, this was very clearly just my taste. Which is fine. Yeah. My top fives are my tastes too.

I don't need you to agree with my top list of 100 movies. Oh man, I gotta explain everything to you. Okay, go ahead, I'm taking notes. What did I do wrong now, Chert too? It's not that what you're doing wrong is that you don't get, I wasn't gonna say you don't get the show, but you don't get the industry. Like the whole point of a top five list

is to make people mad and to drum up interest. Like that is the joke that we're making on the Leopard Heart show. So when they present a top five list, if we are not going to criticize it, then we are not completing the joke that's being made on a top five list, if we are not going to criticize it, then we are not completing the joke that's being made on the top five list. I think you're being a bit of an AI.

A bit of an audience insulter. I think the audience doesn't require fighting the whole time. Do you guys have a movie or something that's made you feel old? Because I've had two instances recently, and this is somewhat related to Jeremy's list, where I heard young professionals talking about something, and I was like, yeah, I'm old.

Like, I'm too old. And it was two different instances. It was the exact same topic, and I don't know how it came up both times. But one time I was in a waiting room, and it was two people that worked at a waiting room, and it was two people that worked, it was like a medical facility, and it was two young professionals talking about the best Shrek movie.

And they were comparing Shrek 4 and Shrek 3, and I was like, yeah, I'm old. Because that's a kids movie, and you guys are seemingly adults, professionals here. We were kids. And you're discussing which part of Shrek 4 was your favorite part, and how excited you are about Shrek 5, and how you wanna get part of Shrek 4 was your favorite part and how excited you are about Shrek 5 and how you wanna get the new Shrek things

to put on your Crocs and I'm like, okay, I'm really old. And I thought this was an isolated incident and then I encountered another Shrek conversation in another professional setting and I was like, yeah, this is just a thing that now young professionals talk about is they compare their favorite Shrek movie. This has to be this week, because Shrek 5 was just announced.

No, this was last week, they were talking about rumors of Shrek things that they had been reading online. This was probably like a month and a half ago, this happened. We young people love Shrek. There are stages of like realizing you're old, and I think that when people who you consider to be adults

are talking about things in their childhood, but you are a grown ass man for, that is a new level of old madness that you have reached, and I'm there too, where it's very weird when you see someone who's like 25 or 33 talking about their childhood and you're like, I was in college. So the first Shrek came out,

I guess when I was a teenager, right? But like I still was like, that's like a child's movie. I saw Shrek 2 for my ninth birthday party. Do you think it happened with Beverly Hills Cop, the new one, where 40 years was the first one? Are there people who are gonna see this one on Netflix, because everyone's watching it, and are they gonna not realize that?

I think it's not an enjoyable movie if you have not seen the other ones, because the movie is all Nostalgia. I think it could stand alone. If you're unaware of those things and you're watching it, it's a good enough action movie. I think it's fine. They do make references too.

When they go and they look at his, oh, I was looking at your file, the first one. There's an entry here in 1984, then 1987, and then 1991 wasn't as good or something like that. That was a total cut of Beverly Hills Cove. Yeah, 100%. And that was awesome. And they have Judge Reinhold going in his trunk

with all his weapons, complementing his weapons. They had the little picture of Taggart in the back of Riser's office. This is my point exactly, as I think that this movie is Largely mediocre at best unless that's what I thought unless you get all the stuff There's like that I got it all and it was still me Yeah, was it a great all of those movies were released before I was born I think dry like fly spoiler alert flying a helicopter two feet off the ground. He's afraid to fly is great

good bit Every single Beverly Hills Cop movie you were in a life of? Yeah, Beverly Hills Cop 3 came out May 25, 1994. I was born in 1995. That is a number one example of killing the old just there. No, I mean, the 9-11 in general has happened a few times where I've been around young people who are, like, have no recollection of, like, I was a baby.

I don't even remember. Well, that was like. I was in of, I was a baby, I don't even remember. It's like I was in college, I was a freshman in college. It was a not funny meme, but it was when I was in college age, it was a thing of if she doesn't remember 9-11, she's too young for you, bro. Because for those of us born in the 90s, we remember it. I was a kid, I remember being taken out of elementary school when it happened and you know the whole thing.

But I don't remember. I'm sorry, did we go from Shrek 5 to 9-11? Yeah we did. With a reference of how young, you can't do Belichick, he violates the half plus seven rule. I've never heard this rule, I heard you say that but I didn't get it, I've never heard this rule. So you're allowed to date someone

half your age plus seven years. The original Shrek was released May 18th, 2001. So just a few months before said day we were talking about. So take half of 56, 28, 28 plus 7 is 35. You know Chris Farley was supposed to be Shrek originally? Thank you. Are you just like dating someone and you did the math to make it work out for you? Yeah, I think he made this equation up for himself. This is a question for a sex therapist.

Coming up next. Sex next. Howdy y'all, it's Mike. And since the dawn of mankind, we've cooked our food over an open flame and debated the best way to grill. One thing that is not up for debate, grilling and beer always go together.

Even I know that, and I'm not the manliest American type, but I know that if I'm grilling out there, I need a Miller Lite in my hand. Why? Because Miller Lite keeps its simple, undebatable quality, and it tastes as great as my barbecue. It's a beer that strips away everything that I don't need and holds on to what matters most.

The light beer with the most taste. Less filling and only 96 calories. Nothing says summer like a Miller Lite. It's the original light beer since 1975 and a perfect companion for all grill masters or wannabe grill masters across this great land. With a Miller Lite in your hand, grilling doesn't just taste great,

tastes like Miller time. To get Miller Lite delivered right to your door, visit MillerLite.com slash Dan, or you can find it pretty much anywhere that sells beer. Celebrate responsibly, Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 calories per 12 ounces. Don LeBattard. I win in the margins.

I'm like, I'm like. You're money ball of sex. I'm basically Scott Hattaberg Stugats a lot of walks, but I'm on base When it comes to sex Other other dudes they can be giambi You know your role you play. I know my role. This is the down Libertar show with the Stugats They prepped you they told you that we need help? Uh, well a little bit yes I have some just some insight so I'm here for y'all okay?

Thank you so much. Alright so- Like a tag team not a gangbang. Count us in, Pablo. Five, four, three, two, one. So at long last, our special guest of the day is April Lampert. April, I just want to apologize on behalf of everybody who may have already been pre-interviewing you,

because I've been told some things that I don't want to co-sign just off the jump here. So thank you for being here. My pleasure. Thank you for having me today on the show. So I have to be honest, this was my idea, April. And I am not always on this show. So there was a few weeks ago where I was listening

to this show and I heard this sound. I went in the margins. I'm like- Your money ball sucks. I'm basically Scott Hattaburr for f***ing. Lotta walks, but I'm on base. Other dudes, they can be Giambi. You know your role, you play well. I'm basically Scott Hattaburr. A lot of walks, but I'm on base. Other other dudes, they can be Giambi. You know your role, you play.

I know my role. So I don't know how much you know about sports, but there's a bunch of guys who are completely comfortable with being mediocre. And I was like, next time I'm on the show, we got to address this. And I suspect that it's not just the people who are on this show, that a lot of people in our audience also are pretty mediocre

when it comes to making people happy. So I figured out, I figured we'd have you on to help us. So can we start with this? I'm asking for a friend, by the way, clearly. Obviously I'm asking for a friend. What is the thing that guys generally get most wrong about trying to satisfy their partners? This is a great question,

and I'm really happy that you asked. So when we're talking about straight partnerships, the facts are, the numbers never lie, the facts are out there, and 95% of men when they have sexual activity with their woman, 95% of those people are coming, they're orgasming, right? But only 65% of the straight women

are having the same experience, meaning they can climax. So what does that mean? There's this percentage of folks out there that are with their partners trying to please their woman and nothing's coming out of it. Well, why I can tell you why, it's because the clitoris, which is what women own, right? It's the pleasure center and it's the only body part

that either of us have, that any one of us have, that is designed simply for pleasure. So only 4% of women can orgasm from penetration alone. So 96% of us need some clitoral love and I think that's what happens, and that's the breaking point with dudes, this orgasm gap that is kind of a buzz term that's thrown around a lot,

but this is legitimately the issue, and blood flow is the key. Blood flow is the key here, and the clitoris needs blood flow, so that means it needs some love before you're just sticking it in. April Lampert has been named the industry's Sexpert

of the Year multiple times, the co-author of the book Shameless Sex. Choose your own pleasure path to unlock the sex like you've been waiting for. April, you mentioned the clitoris. Asking for a friend, how does one find that? OK, so the good news is it's not that difficult. The bad news is every single person is different.

Some people have a Rubik's Cube when it comes to their vulva. And let's get two things out of the way here. I'm not saying vulvo like the car, I'm talking about a vulva. Now, vagina everybody thinks of as what the vulva is. So when I'm talking about the vulva, that's the outside. The vagina is what you put your penis inside. Okay. So that's just basic anatomy. The

clitoris is in, well on the vulva. Sometimes it's tucked inside. Sometimes it is noticeable outside, but it's between the two lips that are sometimes squished together. The good news is if there's blood flow and arousal, the clitoris usually comes alive and you can see it more. I just, here's my issue if we can just get to it in a few seconds. Oh, not for a friend? No, this is straight for me. Okay, okay. My issue is that I have a hard time

waiting the time it takes to pleasure a woman because I can be much faster and I've got other stuff I wanna be doing. So my issue is what is the way without thinking of your grandmother to make it last longer? Okay. It's legitimate. I'm being honest. Practice.

It's a total legitimate question. It's a legitimate question. And there's all of these, there's a lot of these, I've seen like power pills, right? Like last longer, keep your dick harder, longer, faster. Which I obviously, I don't own a penis, so I can't vouch for those things. I do know that there is some efficacy

when it comes to some of these pills. But if you don't want to pop a pill, because that's not really safe, you don't know what you're getting, there's a lot of variations of things. And there is Viagra, but Viagra and Cialis, and I'm not gonna shame those pharmaceuticals because I know they are effective for some folks.

However, some people want that real, that real, that real hardness without popping a pill. So there are some things you can use like cock rings that you can fit around the testicles and the shaft. And they kind of, do you know what the perineum is? The gooch, the taint. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, wait, follow up question for a friend.

Nacho balls, yes? Follow up for a friend. Is that the same as the grundle or is that different? That is, so it depends on where you're located in the United States and what you'd like to call it. I've learned that the East Coast calls it the Gooch, West Coast calls it the Taint, in the middle they could call it the Grundel,

I'm not sure, but that's a good stat to learn later on. It's also something that I think that, don't wrestlers wear those? Or bikers too. So bringing it back though. Thank you. Like different, of course, different devices that are out there and they can also help

leisure your partner, your female partner, pleasure your woman because it'll constrict blood flow, kind of, you could get a double motor cockering that isn't aggressive looking, that's not gonna be scary, that's not gonna be like, what is this thing? And you put it on, and then when you start to get blood flow to the penis, you're feeling the vibrations of the C ring, and then your partner, if she's grinding on,

you can also feel the vibrations. Now remember something else about the clitoris that I didn't mention. And this might be a little bit hard to wrap your head around because it is such a mystery, the clitoris. Proceed. And this might be a little bit hard to wrap your head around because it is such a mystery, the clitoris. Proceed. Yes, a lot of this information wasn't even discovered

until like the 90s. That's how long it took. So the clitoris, when we look at it, it actually, from the outside, you can only see, and I wish I had a vulva puppet, but I don't. But I'll use my fingers, like think of a wishbone. And what you see on the outside, on the vulva of the clitoris,

is only about a quarter of the actual entire membrane. And did you know that the clitoral, like the clitoris is made up of the same erectile tissue as what you all have. So we can get clitoral boners when that blood flow starts. And the rest of the clitoral legs are located inside the vaginal canal. So if you want to give your partner the clitoral legs are located inside the vaginal canal.

So if you wanna give your partner a clitoral boner, and I know that you said you're busy, you want things to happen fast, well it takes four times the amount of time for a woman to get the blood flow they need to get aroused and foreplay is the most important part of sex. Dude, you have to understand, you need to have the patience and the time. Now if you just want to, you could just have your,

if you talk to your partner and you're like, okay, I want a quickie, well then watch them masturbate after or help them and don't just get out of the bedroom. Yes, Dominique. You're welcome, right now. I mean, April. Write it down. I do want to be, like we haven't been completely inclusive

as far as sexual preference, but men are stupid, so it's not that hard. Two men together, I feel like it's really not that hard to get each other in the right place, but from a woman's standpoint, this is- We have the manual for that. Yeah, I mean, we know what we're doing when it comes to that.

The manual. I like that one. This might be a bit of a silly question, but as a sports fan and a sports broadcaster, we kind of celebrate the type of athletes who have like a special go-to move. And every now and then I try something new or I'm looking for a new move. Yeah, my friend does that too.

Yeah. Oh yeah, that's right, asking for a friend. Are there new moves that you could teach us a new move? Yeah, my friend does that too. Yeah, that's right, asking for a friend. Are there new moves that you could teach us that we haven't potentially experimented with? Okay, so I don't know what you all are doing. You can send me videos if you want later. But I would say trying new things is always fun because don't just missionary style all the time. Come on, we're not monotonous creatures we get bored easily right humans need they need they need novelty they always need something fresh so is there a specific move so this is

this is gonna be something that I like always doggy styles is a good way to go but then you could have the old reach around the doggy style and reach around and feel the clit or ask first. Don't just do things without permission. Be like, Hey, can I, can I feel your clit? Cause doggie style can, can feel great. That might be a typical one, but adding, what about adding some, some extra, some extra gear, like some fun gear, like ask if your partner wants to be spanked a little bit or

add some like restraints that obviously consensual, because that can take away, when you take away one of the senses, like whether it's a blindfold, whether it's use of the arms, always remember always to have consent everyone, I'm not saying just tie up your chick and then just go for it.

Now ask if she's into this. And that can kind of leave such a wide canvas for you to paint with different positions. I have a friend who can't smell her taste. So that is a pretty good head start. Oh, there you go. Take away the scents. Do you know who Dr. Ruth is, April?

Of course, I love Dr. Root. Is she your mentor? She was just a goat, right? She like really such a, what she overcame in the world of sexuality, which is still such a thing. Like, look, it's fun to talk to you guys about this, but it's still like giggly and sometimes taboo when I say like gooch or cock rings, people like, whoa, they can get overwhelmed. I think she was just amazing. Now she was like grandma, right? She's like sweet old grandma. She was gonna like take a pie out of the oven and then tell you about her favorite dildo and you're like, okay.

So I would say in terms of mentorship, yes, Dr. Sex with Emily, she's like one of my dearest friends and probably my biggest mentor in terms of this field. This field found me, I studied law, right? I never expected to be teaching the world about sex and relationships. I feel really honored though that I get to talk to you guys about this. You guys are fun. I'm quite thankful you're doing this because there's such a stigma.

All men are so macho pretending they don't have problems pretending. Lots of my friends have stigmas. They're getting late all the time and I love the fact that you're willing to come on a show like this and I love the fact that we have the flexibility to do this. I hope the audience appreciates it,

but I have one quick question and we don't have a lot of time left. have the flexibility to do this. I hope the audience appreciates it. But I have one quick question and we don't have a lot of time left. She joined a show like this. A very quick question. You got it, you got it, April. What is exactly your view of monogamy? Okay, so this is such, this is a hot topic right now, right?

People are talking about ethical non-monogamy, opening relationships up. I am a monogamous- In one minute or less, I need to hear you. Okay, so I'm a monogamous person for now. So remember that sexual orientation, relationship styles, all of those things can change. They're fluid.

So I think that if you can do non-monogamy in an ethical or consensual way, and I know that word's so often thrown around as well, so don't tune out. But if you can do it with a partner that's like, well, I'm bored too. You don't have to say it like that, but I'm curious. Because opening up a relationship

doesn't necessarily have to be going out and banging someone. It can be, people can have emotional relationships. They can have sexual relationships digitally. People sometimes think a sex doll is cheating, right? emotional relationships, they can have sexual relationships digitally. People sometimes think a sex doll is cheating, right? So I would say I'm not pro-cheating, I know it can happen. Sometimes relationships just they go really, really far south and there's no way to get out except adding some spice and there's

nothing that you can do in the bedroom to get out of that rut. There are things that both parties want to work on it, but yes, but so as far as I'm not gonna preach non-monogamy, do whatever feels good for y'all, okay? April Lampert, we thank you for your expertise, author of the book Shameless Sex. And again, I apologize for everything, literally everything David Sampson just said. Bye, April.

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