The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Hour 2: The Scott Hatteberg of F******

Episode Date: April 1, 2024

After watching Late Night With The Devil, Mike was sent to find movies from the past that scared audiences in both Britain and United States for how real they felt on broadcast TV. Then, we update our March Sadness tournament with the Region of Death (Costumes) and discuss our workout regimens. Plus, cramping while orgasming. Yeah. You read that right. The dirty deets are shared. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to Giraffe King's Network. This is the Don LeBattor Show with the StuGuts Podcast. Izzy, thank you for joining us today. Do you like scary movies? No. You don't? No. Back when I, I forget how old I was, but Nightmare on Elm Street nightmares for years and I still

remember the very vivid dream that I have from that movie and so ever since then, nah. Nightmare on Elm Street was such a great franchise in that if you were a young impressionable person you would naturally get scared at night and the big boogeyman would haunt your dreams and the whole premise is you can't turn to your sleep because the boogeyman gets you in your dreams. It's a great franchise. I'm a big horror movie fan

and there's this even a streaming platform called Shutter, which is a streaming platform just for scary movies so somewhat on the campy side but most recently they've done some really good stuff on on the unscripted documentary side really been a big fan of what they've put out and they have a movie an original film that is in the middle of a very limited theatrical run that's going to be exclusive to their streaming service I saw the reviews for this movie and I made a day to go find a theater that was playing this movie. The film is called Late Night with the Devil. And the premise is pretty simple. It's kind of mockumentary style in that this is a tape from a broadcast that

happened in the late 70s during sweep sweep. A desperate host turns to a stunt in which he speaks to an author and the author is a guardian for this little girl. She had written a book and the book details the possession of this little girl and how there is a demon living inside of this girl that she occasionally communicates with. And the whole broadcast goes sideways. It's a really cool novel idea that we've seen maybe some other people run with, but it's a good movie. But the reason why I want to mention it is because me seeing this movie, posting a review on Letterboxd

for it, someone left a comment on my review saying, have you ever ever heard of Ghostwatch? You need to watch Ghost Watch. And I didn't know anything about Ghost Watch. And it's actually pretty fascinating. So I saw this movie Ghost Watch from 1992. It was a made for television BBC special that aired on Halloween night in 1992. And it traumatized the UK.

And they got over a million calls into their switchboard because of what happened on this fateful night in 1992. And so I was fascinated by the story. I read the Wikipedia entry on it and this legitimately scared a nation. In 1992, the BBC played a paranormal special, played it straight. It was basically ghost hunters.

They were gonna observe this house and see if they can see anything spooky to scare you on a Halloween night. You have a traditional host that plays it pretty straight, naturally, by the way, and then you have some people that certainly, after knowing what is about to go down, come off as actors. So, but you have to put yourself in the shoes

of someone that is experienced in this in the UK in 1992. I'm trying to put myself in your shoes at the moment. So you, Mike Ryan, have enough time to find, do research, find where this movie is playing. Go spend the amount of time to watch this movie. Write a review on said movie. Letterboxd. Go back and read the comments from your review

only to lead you to another movie. That's not actually a movie. That was a made for television special across the pond. And you don't have time to be executive producer anymore? No, because I'm doing this. So I watched this special. Full time job. Full time job.

Letterboxd is really taking up a lot of my time presently. So I watched this and I could see how this freaked people out in 1992. There's no internet, there's no dissenting voices on social media saying this is all fake. Now to me, it very clearly comes off fake, but I know going into it that it was this stunt that fooled a lot of people. So it's a slow burn for much of the special, nothing is happening. In fact, I miss one of the first little instances of something paranormal happening. There's a scene earlier in the special, about 25 minutes in, where they play a recording

of a ghost. And in the background, I had to rewind it because my wife caught it, there's something that appears in the background, but they totally ignore it and nothing shows up for another 20 minutes. And it's all tension building until inevitably stuff goes haywire. And then by the end of the broadcast, you have a full on poltergeist just haunting this studio and it goes to break. It does say at the very end, written by.

So some people who saw the whole thing understand that this was a fake thing, but I was really taken aback by, there was this whole phenomenon, something, a special that played it straight, that terrified a nation. And now I went down the rabbit hole, and in 1994, the United States did something called Without Warning, in which there was a network television special that positioned itself as a news broadcast. And again, pre-internet, 1994, this thing that resembles a newscast,

if you're just flipping through channels, you won't realize that, hey, that's not Brokaw. But the whole news broadcast is that an asteroid is hurling towards Earth and it's already struck certain parts of the Northern Hemisphere and everything devolves there. And this is happening in 1994 where you can't see someone saying, no, this has been in development for several months, this is all bullshit. And it made me miss that era.

It made me miss how people could be fooled. And I say that on a day- People can't be fooled now? Are people being fooled now? Isn't Donald Glover doing a whole viral thing? They're being fooled today. No, no, no. People can be fooled in ways that they can't be fooled.

Not a day. Because now you didn't need artificial intelligence back in my day to fool a nation. You just need good convincing writing. Is that a Knicks game? That's what people are doing to fool people instead of these long freak you out movies, which I don't I'm not a fan It's one thing to share a darn Schefter in a group chat

It's another thing entirely to force a million calls into your switchboard because people could swear They saw a ghost or a demon speaking through a little girl It's it's it's just a different that what living in New York City was like back in the 80s and 90s? Like all these documentaries we see now of how terrible it was over there, it's crazy. Homicide New York produced by Dick Wolf on Netflix is electric, so good.

Dick Wolf does stuff outside of the Law and Order series? I had no idea until this popped up and it was presented by Dick Wolf and I was like, my man. It is, and they is and and they I feel like Dick Wolf has a thing like he knows his brand it's crime baby that's the crime it's like he's behind a desk like flicking a cigarette like that's what we do here crime baby don't worry about anything else I don't care about anything else what what makes this different than the law and order colon bunch of acronyms. So it kind of gives you like a 30,000 foot view of crime

from what would you say, is he like the late 80s to like maybe the 2008? Yeah, it was after supposedly New York had been cleaned up. Because if you remember the 70s and 80s horror show. Son of Sam and all that. Right, that's why my family left New York. Power outages. Yeah, so we get to supposedly when it's a little cleaner,

the little 90s and there's just a lot of, you know, some cases Power outages. Yeah, so we get to supposedly, when it's a little cleaner, little 90s, and there's just a lot of some cases that are healthy. The thing is, you look back in that time, and they're talking about different cases that would have been solved very quickly today. Because DNA, they didn't have. They were like, yeah, DNA, you can, you can. There was one, I don't wanna spoil it,

but there's one episode where there's a blood splatter on the wall, and they're like, look, if we use this blood splatter for DNA, one, we don't know if we can ever use it again because we'll use that sample, and B, or two, I don't even know if we can get anything from it. So they saved a piece of wood with blood splatter on it for years. And waited until the technology got better.

And waited until the technology got better like five years later and then they did it and then they ended up catching the guy who did it. Netflix to me is becoming like there's a couple of shows turning point one was on 9-eleven and one was basically on 9-eleven was really good the atom bomb going from its when it was developed to where we are now with Russia and Ukraine and people turning point wasn't that like in an NFL game every NFL game has a turning point in

this era on versus I think so but what they're doing next is every if everybody watches these documentaries, you're basically going through high school history all over again, but way better, way more detail, way more truthfulness, and it's just entertaining because you get all the visual elements and you get a lot of, you know, now there's a lot of footage from back then.

And I watched that whole atom bomb turning point one and it's basically a backtrack of all of World War II and all the way through where Russia is right now. Amazing. Like, if they were to just show that documentary for like a semester, for one quarter of a school year in American history, kids, or world history,

kids would learn so much because it's so compelling and it's just factual information. Like, I remember when I was a kid kid when they dropped the bomb in Hiroshima Thinking they were a kid when they dropped the bomb. No, no when we were learning about it. Okay. Thank you I'm not great Cody here that That it had been basically vacated and there were only a few people there. Of course not There were a hundred thousand people that were killed and like they you know, they they have every single year They have a memorial about it. And so everything about that doc,

I couldn't recommend more. And there's another 9-11 one, which is really good too, but that one was, I feel like you know a little bit more. Yeah, I like how Oppenheimer kind of references the other bomb drops there, and it's just like, nothing to see here. Just keep moving on, and someone asks a question, wait, what other bomb drops?

I have nothing, don't worry about it. Put a guy in the back of the thing, like one finger up, like, um. Hold on a minute. Excuse me, so on April Fool's though, I just want to tip the hat, because I finally got around to these great TV activations in the 90s that legitimately fooled people.

And the key is not putting it on April Fool's, because I mean, IG and Twitter, it's just a wasteland. I don't understand why we keep pushing ahead with April Fool's Day. What's the deal with that? Like everybody, it's a half-assed thing. Nobody really takes it seriously. Anything you read or say or do on that day,

nobody really takes it seriously. Everybody thinks everything's fake already these days. So if you're on alert on April 1st, nothing's gonna really work. When did it start and why do we continue to propagate this? To me, it's my older sister's birthday, happy birthday, Lisa. It will always be that first my older sister's birthday, happy birthday Lisette. It will always be that first.

Happy birthday Mikey, a buddy of mine. Nice. Is he single? Because my sister's single. If there's anything that I'm going to remember about April 1st, it's that and the April Fool's Day thing is honestly the worst gimmick in all of America. You want to get somewhere real. You make a fool's day out of thin air.

You just, from here on out, September 14th is when I'm gonna. Do we have some on that day? Let me check. Yeah, just that's when you decide to celebrate it. It can move around like Easter. It's the worst day to die, right, currently? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It's unfortunate. What are the worst days to die? Are there celebrities that have died on April Fools? I'm on it. that would have been the day for Betty white to go Right because nobody actually believed when people would say Betty white was passing and then when she actually did it was on April fool Mike bad news September 14th, National Eda Hoagie day. So you're competing and actually that's a long con two years ago I filed a motion for September 14th to become National Eda Hoagie Day, and I populated the internet,

so when you would search something, you would think that it's actual National Hoagie Day. But, there's been a joke two years in the making, you just fell for my September 14th. And National Cream-Filled Donut Day? I mean, come on, that one writes itself. But. Is there a consensus most famous April Fool's Day prank?

Isn't the sad story? Didn't Jackie Chan, didn't we think Jackie Chan was dead one year? Which one? The April, Sid Finch, is that the fake baseball player? Sports Hill. Oh my God. Yeah.

No, no, no, Sid Finch, they found him somewhere and he threw him like a thousand miles around. Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty sure that was an April Fool's thing. Wow, you might have grown up during Hiroshima. Crazy. Oh, man. The Dan Libertard Show with Stu Gotts is sponsored by BetterHelp. It's time for a self-check-in. How's your social battery doing right now?

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Visit betterhelp.com slash D-L-B today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash D-L-B. Don Lebatard. If I'm at the house with them and they're all rooting I could just be like yeah rah rah rah go Yankees. Stugats. Do you know how unsettling it would be if I attended a live sporting event and someone behind me was just going rah rah! Rah Browns! Rah Heath! Raw, Raw, Raw! This is the Don LeBattar Show with the Stu Guides!

Alright, let's get back to our wildly popular, man, people are really fawning over this year's edition of March Sadness. And we've got to update some brackets. A reminder that March Sadness is presented by Get Your Guide. Discover over 100,000 unforgettable travel experiences in the US and around the world at getyourguide.com. Chris Cody, what do we have to update now? We move to the region of death, where we are competing for best punishment costumes throughout the year.

And there's some good ones here. Some upsets in the first round. We have a 16 seed, a 15 seed that have made it through the first matchup We have here is a 9 seed it is the group dressed up as Anchorman the Anchorman crew. That's that's strong I mean, it's gotta I think yeah, I am much taller than that image would suggest people love a group a group out Group out effort. I don't know what I'm doing here. They like a outfit I was became Andrew Luck for a brief moment, Tim.

I was trying to say effort and outfit together. A global group photo. Just global group costumes. Podcast audience, favorite category. And that is going against Roy, but they've seen this before. It's certainly dance. Roy as the bear.

That's competing there. Roy dance is a 16 seed. That shouldn't have been a play in seed, man. That should have been a much better seed than what was given. Clarify for the podcast audience, it's not a bear, but a chef in the bear. He's a chef in the bear.

And then we have the four seed, Dan is Nacho Libre. I like this one. Yeah, Dan, you know, surprised some folks with this. He was also very wise to drape the cape over the love handles. That's a very tricky spot. And the crotch. I think you're gonna say Janet, though, yeah.

Is he, any exercises that you would recommend for over the love handles. That's a very tricky spot. And the crotch. I think you're gonna hit a genitalia. Is he, any exercises that you would recommend for those tricky love handles? Oh yeah, side V-ups. What is that? Of course. Do you want me to get on the floor and do it? I mean, I-

We all know what V-ups are. I don't. No. I can do side V-ups or you can do like- So side V-ups is just kicking the legs? It's where you're working on the V. Now you gotta do it, yeah. It's where he's working.

Now you have to do it. Now you have to do it, cool. Take your shirt off. Yeah. Ooh. where he's working. Now you have to do it. Cool. Take your shirt off. Yeah. Ooh. Side V up, there you go. Hey, take it.

Take, that'd be really easy for me. Take me to dinner first. Describe this with the audio audience. Crack your body? You can do that with my feet. Oh, okay. So. Was that my body?

I was just like. The plank ups with the whole plank. We're gonna keep updating this. We'll just let it as you keep going. Yeah, keep, so how many do I do? Four sets of 12? That sounds about right. The second that it starts hurting stops. Do it until your body shuts down. That's all I do. Nacho Libre going against five seed Amin dressed as baby Billy, which I think was a strong one.

But the next matchup I think has the winner of this bracket for me, if I had to vote. Lucy is Bobby Petrino That's not my vote The three seed is going against what I think is the best one in this and that's emo Jimmy Butler Roy So I think I think that's what I think that's what survives here for me from this region But on our final matchup is Billy as mankind Ten seed going up against two gods. I don't know why this moved on. 15 seed Larry Bird.

I think the audience is just trolling us. Historically inaccurate Larry Bird costume too. Larry Bird hiding behind bushes because he doesn't want people to see his arms. There's Billy as mankind. Billy killed it as mankind. Why do I remember Jeremy in so many costumes? How am I not in this bracket?

Can that get some love? I was in a costume for like 12 straight weeks, it felt like. This isn't even the best Billy one. The fans vote for this, that's why Jeremy's in it. In the original bracket, I think I was in a costume for like 12 straight weeks it felt like this is the best Billy one The fans vote for this that's why I'm not in the original bracket. I think I'm gonna have one. I'm becoming More worried that I'm gonna develop a hunchback because of how often I'm looking at my phone So there was this exercise that I caught of course on IG reels where it's an exercise where you put your elbows against the wall and

You put your fingers you inter wall and you put your fingers, you interlock your fingers behind your head and you put the balls of your elbow on the wall and you stand up straight and you stretch and you hold that for 60 seconds. And it's a crazy good core workout. You feel it in your core, you feel it around your hips, your hip flexors, like my whole body trembles.

I didn't know your elbows have balls. Yeah, the balls of the. Elbows. Elbows. Your weenus. Your funny bone. Yeah. Bigger balls.

Balls of the elbow. My weenus is very dry. Is it? Like an elbow cap. Where is the weenus? That's a personal problem. I'm sorry. You're touching your weenus right now.

So that's not a thing, people don't say the balls of their elbow? No. No, it's like an elbow cap, right? Yeah, it's such a. Kind of like a knee cap. Mine's super dry. Sorry, okay, I won't say elbow balls anymore.

That's your button. Hey, Chris. You know you can still do it. Has anyone else tried that? You know you can pinch your weenus as hard as you want, and you'll never feel it. Wow. Roy, try to make my weenus hurt.

OK. Pinch my weenus. It's numb. Like, as hard as you want. Like, seriously. Keep going. I don't feel it. Like, go harder.

Like, I don't feel it. You don't feel it at all? No. OK, now punch him in the weenus. OK. That's good. No one else has tried that? I No. OK, now punch him in the weenies. OK. No one else has tried that? I'm telling you, this is how you avoid being a hunchback. The guy says, just do that 60 seconds every day.

You won't. I just walk down the street with my phone up. That's another thing, too. I tried to do that on the train. I tried looking at my phone like this to avoid the. You look like an idiot. You look like you're recording people. Yeah, you look old.

You look like a boomer the problem is if somebody because mike will you obviously take the train at the same time like when you have when you have that it looks like you're literally taking a picture it looks like i'm taking a photo there's a lot of people on the train that can snap like am i doing this right like i'm on the wall is this right mike uh do you feel it in your core yeah yeah put put you gotta put your hips back put your penis like close that wall. Yeah, there you go like that Yeah, no, no put your people. Oh, no, no, not like that No, you just like hold it in place hold it in place You feel it right

Like you feel your body or shaking. Yeah, he feels a whole that feel it, right? I feel it. I feel something. Like that? Are you feeling an amistagrass? You feel your core is shaking? Yeah, he feels his penis. Hold that for 60 seconds. You can do it, bud. I have to fart. Oh, don't do that. Just let it go.

Let it rip, yeah, let it rip. No, don't do that in here. But you feel the trembling in your core, right? Yeah, that's good. Make sure to press your wings against the wall. I'm pretty sure I get abs this way, too. Yeah. You've never seen that before.

I've never seen that before. Do it. This is how everyone shares this concern. That we're gonna, you've seen the evolution of man graph where I'm basically just gonna become a ball because of how often I look into my phone. This is a way to combat that. My Instagram algorithm has people yelling at me,

telling me to strengthen my hip flexors. Work your hip flexors. I have that too. Work your hip flexors. I'm on that same one. Yeah, it's crazy. My wife tells me that too. Yeah. What, for seven seconds?

I felt the hip flexor thing during lockdown. A lot of sitting. Yeah, and I saw Gojo tweet about it too. I'm like, good, I'm not losing my mind. My hips are just wrecked here because I'm not being super active. Which is why I stand Mike. Yeah. We sit a lot in this job. We're usually sitting. So if you stand up you

lengthen up those hip flexors and you start doing one of these moves right here really bring them forward. Do you do running for fun? Not for fun just cuz I need to. You do. Because it's not- Do you do running like I know you run when you hoop you play ball a lot but do you ever just wait? Well it's not, do you do running? Like I know you run when you hoop, you play ball a lot, but do you ever just wake up? Well, it's Sunday. I gotta find 20 minutes to run. 20 minutes. Yeah.

That's the warmup. You're a big cardio fiend, are you? I'm a cardio guy, but I try to get creative with my cardio. I'm not a big runner, but like you get a kettlebell, you start doing some kettlebell swings, some ropes. That's not running I mean I go for like a four mile run every once in a while like just if I don't feel like I've got a Cardio. Yeah, just kind of go outside go out there and jog for a while

Just running socks dude, I I know that people feel good after I feel good Worst thing you guys are talking about Vikings where it's's worth that mile is that right Greg Cody said he could just I've done it but on a treadmill and I only did it just to see if I can do it because it's easy math you just put it at 10 miles per hour and you go I had my sister stay with me was at her house in her backyard stay with me because I thought I was going to fall off the treadmill and so like to stay here in case I get thrown off there's no way she can stop you, by the way.

You're being thrown off at 10 miles an hour. It's all over. It would just be to get the ambulance here faster. So that's all it was. And yeah, I ran it six minutes, and it was terrible. It was terrible. I trust that Izzy runs. And I don't trust that you run.

I asked you to describe your run, and all of a sudden, you're just doing the rope and kettlebell thing. He went from running to a cold, different workout. a sudden you're just doing the rope and kettlebell thing. Yeah, he went from running to a whole different workout. I think you run during basketball, but I don't think you like to run outside of that. No, I hate running. Well, running sucks. Nobody likes running.

No one likes running. I don't, Roy, do you run? No, no. A need runs. A need runs. Yeah, but I hate running with a passion. No, running sucks. I do the Peloton.

I can bike. But do you hate more running or jumping rope Roy? Why you gotta bring up old nobody? Yeah, that was bad Nobody can jog really slow better than I can like I can jog at a speed that I'm not jogging prove it You're like a race like I'm just like Just moving your arms like you're jogging. All right, so he's yeah Yeah, that's good one. That's good. That's good form. That's good pace right there. I honestly think that the core workout that I just gave you is already paying dividends.

Sneaky cabs over there. Very sneaky. Don LeBretard! I think I'd like to know when I'm gonna die because I sort of romanticize the idea of like, living like you were dying. When you're on a countdown clock, imagine all the life experiences. Like I could go skydiving, or Rocky Mountain climbing. Stugats! Roy brings up a point though. Like, Roy does bring up a point. Like, you might be risking

paralysis and that's a pretty... I'm just totally trampling my bit. Just totally trampling my bit. What if God forbid it says you're gonna die in like a week? What if it says a week though? Like, or two days or a month? I don't want to know that. Well then you just love deeper and speak sweeter and give forgiveness to those that you've been denying. Someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying. Do you have more or is that it? No, thank you guys for letting me go through that smoothly.

This is the Don LeBattar Show with the StuGuts. I can tell you exactly how old I am without actually telling you my age. I am old enough to get a cramp all my orgasm now. That's happened like three times to me. Since I turned 38. Mine usually happens like before the orgasm. Yeah. I'm just like, ah, I gotta. Am I the only one that's happened to? It's happened to me. It's happened a lot of times a day. You've gotten it, right?

It's happened to me. It doesn't happen a lot. It's a little awkward. And I can usually feel it coming of like, I'm about to get a high note. Yeah, you did. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you can.

I can sometimes like, I'll switch, I'll switch, I'll panic, because I'll feel the cramp coming, and I'll be like, I just gotta take a break for a second. Boom. Take a break. That's been an excuse for a long time. It's been 13 seconds. It's before, during, and after.

You seem like you're in some pain right now. Let me take it easy on you for a second. We're at the same age. I'm telling you, it's going to happen to you, fellas. I don't know if this actually happens to ladies, because it's never happened to my wife. Maybe I'm not giving her enough of a workout. But for me, I've gotten three cramps since turning 38.

We definitely started, right? Yeah, yeah. Has it ever happened to you, Uzi? No, not cramps per se. But let's just say I've forced myself to become more flexible as my time has grown because there's certain positions that just require it and just make things a lot easier.

And so when you're not uncomfortable in those positions, it's just better for the experience. So yeah, try to avoid the cramps. It begs a follow-up, but I'm not gonna do it. I gotta tell you, I got maybe four moves at this point. The scouting report is out. I'm like good at two of them. Like if this is MVP baseball, during next year's edition,

they're gonna take away the palm ball from my arsenal. I don't got the palm ball. Although that was a weird pitch for me to reference. The knuckle curve, it's like, Hey, remember when AJ Burnett had this crazy knuckle curve? But then you realize this guy, he would be the greatest pitcher ever if he actually threw this. Remember when AJ Burnett had this crazy knuckle curve? The best. But then you realize this guy, he would be the greatest pitcher ever

if he actually threw this. And then in a later edition of the game, they realized, yeah, he doesn't throw that that much. I'm around there. I'm basically Jamie Moyer. I got a fastball. I got a change up. You did the football.

And while I can say I've got four positions, I really got like two that I believe in firmly. You're not a five tool hitter? No, no, not at all. I'm a more like a three tool hitter, but the other one is also like I'm so tired. I gotta take, the shower sucks. Sucks.

Especially if there's a height discrepancy. Too much liquid. Too much. You would think that it would make things easier from a lubrication standpoint, no. Plus there's a slip and fall factor. Hard water, hard water. And also, it's such a workout for my quads.

Because it's not just like you're doing the thing. When there's a height discrepancy, you also have to like, low man wins. But let's be real, the more, I mean, quite literally, the more flexibility is from the partner. Like that's the option in terms of positions. I'm telling you, there's value in a good shower stool. A shower stool you put one leg up, it helps.

Guys, the circle would have gone crazy. I, my wife's a saint. It's just a saint because some of these positions, like the shower, it's like no one takes a shower in the dark. So it's just lighting and water dripping, and it's often overhead lighting. I can't even imagine. Candles? And I don't necessarily lack for confidence.

I pretty much know what I got going on. But there's just a horrible me trying to keep my cardio up too there's just, there's just a horrible me, like trying to keep my cardio up too. Not just, there's several things I need to keep up there. You also have to perform. At this point, I'm just like, let me get this over with as quickly as possible so my saint of a wife does not have to continue

to deal with this because I just don't see it. They're all saints. I just don't see it. I just don't see it with me personally. I mean, don don't see it. I just don't see it with me personally I mean don't get me wrong. I can have it cooking every now and then especially in like position one that Fastball stool one when the when the catcher throws down the wall number one. Oh number one Yeah, I'm not as good as I once was but There's certain positions, you don't want to catch yourself in the mirror I

Don't want to see a mirror at all Like my old home had a mirror there and I was in my 20s and like, okay, that's alright, but now oh no No shot. Do I ever want to see any of that? Tony you're good at sex. Yeah But the key is stretching. Yeah, right be flexible I didn't want to say anything I didn't want to say anything Say something Any word and of course Tony's gonna say well I didn't want to say anything

I have a feeling you're good at it pre-sex stretch though can never look cool No, no, no, I'm talking about Even if you look as good as Tony does You stretch? No, no, no, I'm talking about in your everyday life if you're flexible and you stretch Dude, I could put my leg over my head right now flexibility is not the issue Do it, do it, I could put my leg over my head right now flexibility is not the issue You can answer your phone I cannot do that

Unbelievable skill like I think I You got a hernia! A hernia! I gotta put that thing on speaker. It's a gift really When I- I need to stretch it out. Oh no He's in trouble. Hey, you need to come hang out with me and do that Chris. Dude I used to I used to have a trainer in like- you're the most popular guy in the book I had a trainer in high school baseball and the guy was always like man, you were flexible. I was like, thank you There's a ball in my stomach. Look what I can do. Is that hereditary? There's a ball in my stomach right now. Oh no! in high school baseball and the guy was always like man you were flexible I was like thank you

going downward dog legitimate trouble work it out Mike work it out there's a reason right why Mike doesn't do pull-ups is because he has a fear of this hernia that's just waiting for him to do a pull-up that he just got her surgery you have 24 years old really it's doing yeah pull-up that he just got. I had hernia surgery. You have? I'm 24 years old. Really? It's doing, yeah, pull-ups. Like, I feel that it's just an alien that's waiting to buzz through him.

And I almost popped out. I think I'm good. I think I'm good, but I am not putting my foot to my head ever again. To my point, though, there's more than flexibility that's needed. Wow. I mean, I stand corrected.

There's nothing I can say. Honestly, one thing like honestly putting his head Close to his leg. It's crazy romance infants can do that or like gymnasts Yeah, romance. I found is the ultimate lubricator. It really is you take your time make the other person feel loved Maybe a little edging And do it my left to go to it's not just my strong hand or foot. Your strong foot. Anyway.

But just, you know. I cannot believe you could do that, Chris. But in the work. Yeah. In the work on the foreplay aspects of stuff. All out. Then it doesn't really matter if you can only deliver for 13 seconds, because.

I mean, that's where we all thrive. It's where we have to thrive. I win in the margins. I'm like, I'm like. You're money ball of sex? I'm basically Scott Hattaberg for f***ing. Lotta walks, but I'm on base. When it comes to sex, I'm Scott Hattaberg.

Other dudes, they can be Giambi. You know your role, you play well. I know my role. You guys have done this conversation, what are you the Michael Jordan of? And hold on, cause it's nothing to do with actual sex. I am the Michael Jordan of changing the sheets without taking any pillows off the bed.

Oh wow. That is a pretty elite guy. That's talent. The entire set, including if necessary, the mattress protector. Take it all, don't have to move the pillows around. I don't even understand how that's possible Yeah, yeah, I'll have to do a video deck

Will you like unfold one corner and then put the pillows there? Yeah, I mean, I don't really know how I do the whole thing It's just yeah You just kind of keep the pillows in a certain place kind of in the middle and then you just slide them underneath And then you get it out. It's pretty easy and then putting it back on not that difficult Just got to slide underneath whatever I don't like putting pillows on the floors like dust you get you know You have a couch right you can put the pills in the couch and then walk over Yeah, I don't have a couch in my bedroom. No, but you can like an item and like a walk walk the cat I am the Michael Jordan of

Coughing after my first sip of water Where it kind of gets stuck? Yeah, just I'm the lead at it I'm 90s Jordan when it came when it comes to taking my first sip of water and briefly choking on it. I am the Michael Jordan of the multiple sneeze. Like once I start sneezing, it's just a stop.

Michael Jordan of sneezing when I go out in the sun or chew mint gum. Going out into the sun. What do you mean going out into the sun? When you walk out into the sun and you see the sun, I'm not the only person. No, that part I've heard before. I've never heard that before.

The gum part is where I'm at. You're Michael Jordan of chewing minted gum. Well no, of sneezing because of like too much mint gum. It's a thing, I promise. So do you sneeze when, do you, Mike, that alien, you gotta push back in. Do you sneeze when you brush your teeth? No, no, no, no, no, no.

It's specifically like, do you know like, no, no, no. When you like chew mint gum sometimes, like obviously, like on the first initial chews, most of the like gum juices or whatever it is, like. I gotta say, we've had a pretty graphic segment here. Is he saying gum juices? I know it's not bad. I didn't know how else to describe it.

Is that saliva? Vial. Yeah, I guess saliva, but it's not your saliva. saying, gum juices? I know it's not bad. I didn't know how else to describe it. Is that saliva? Vile. Yeah, I guess saliva, but it's not your saliva. Gum juices work. It's not great. Saliva mixing with the flavor of the gum? I really, for lack of a better word, I had to say gum juices and I'm not happy about it.

Stop saying it. Did you guys used to like the gum with the exploding juice in the middle or no? No, I didn't. Because I thought, I feel like guys didn't kind of like that for certain reasons. It was alright. I don't even think I ever had that. I don't think you really thought it certain reasons. It's all right. I don't even think I ever ever had that I don't think you made yeah, it's like the gut yeah Well, I don't need to try it in because I'm a big Mariners guy

I'm the Michael Jordan of walking up to my front door with a hand of hands full of groceries and having my keys in the Inconvenient pocket I have to like reach awkwardly across my it's a good one So you're the guy that carries all the bags in at the same time. All of them. You have to. Well, that's also Michael Jordan skill. I do firmly believe that everyone listening to this right now

is capable of being the absolute best at something. Now it may not always be good. You could be the best at getting a hernia if you decide to put your foot to your face, but man, you own that. You know you're supposed to use your back muscles when you do pull-ups, right? What are you doing over here?

I do use my back muscles, but also, it's just dying to come out and play. And that exercise in particular. You can't control it, is he? That's the way. I have a massive hernia that's just been brewing for three years, and the only reason it hasn't come out to play is I've been smart about it.

I play with it myself. Classic Scott Hattaberg. Chris, what's the closest? I'm not gonna be chasing a ball outside. I'll stick to missionary. What's the closest you can get to your fingers falling off when you're carrying all those things? Cause you know they like stop the circulation.

Oh yeah, the blood starts like by the end, it's like pink, one of my ring fingers. And it takes like a full 15 minutes for the dent to leave your finger. I can carry a shit ton of groceries. I'm the LeBron of that. I'm second best at that. Well, you're definitely a Scottie Pippen

of answering your phone. Cause that is effing impressive. Yes. Well, Scottie Pippen of answering your phone because that is effing impressive. Yes. Well, Scottie Pippen is really good. Yeah, I know. I'm bad at that. Tony, are you the Michael Jordan of anything? And don't say basketball.

No, waking up like two minutes before my alarm goes off where I can't go back to sleep because the alarm's gonna ring and then it's gonna, you know, whatever. So I gotta tell you, we got an Angel Reese Caitlin Clark situation there because I'm pretty damn Good at that too

It's just called a body clock my body clock is elite It's not like I have an elite body clock where I'll wake up and be like oh, it's 704 Yeah, and I look over and then I'm like that's Up in the middle of the night. I'm like 327 and Sure enough. I'm white within like a two minutes for 19 and you're like shit. No, no, no never never I'm never surprised by the time ever the best feeling in the world is waking up thinking it's close to your alarm And it's actually like two in the morning Those are the best sleeps the 1 a.m. And you're like, I still have five hours of sleep. It's incredible

You know that saying where does the time go does not apply to me I just know where it is I know where it is at all time yeah time are you time yeah I just know she's got to look at the Sun baby that's it yeah that's it makes you sneeze though yeah I'm worried about that by the way just to make me go reference yeah why are you sneezing when you go outside and see Sun I'm not the only person. It's because I've never heard that. The sun makes him squint and the squint makes him sneeze. And it opens up an angel. The gum juices though? Like looking through the light. Gum juices. Oh wow.