The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Hour 3: The Newspaper Machine (feat. Amin Elhassan)

Episode Date: April 6, 2026

"I'm sad." The show is on the hunt for both a newspaper and a pay phone, things Dan cannot believe are so difficult to find anywhere in Miami. Plus, Amin stops by for his Weekend Observations, including the drama between the Milwaukee Bucks and Giannis Antetokounmpo, his HOF credentials, and some truly terrible puns. And Tony introduces a new game called, "Who He Play For?" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is the Dan Levitar show with the Stucats podcast. This feels totally different. I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel disoriented. This is the first ever hour three of our program. We have now retired the Big Sui, and we have simply the local hour, which is the first hour. Hour one, which is not the first hour. Hour one is the second hour.

Hour two is the third hour. Hour three is the fourth hour, and then the post game is, what comes after all of that. So this is all going to be in one place for you and you will be able to find it nice and clean. I don't know how many people will miss the big suey. I don't know how much nostalgia there will be for the big suey. It looks like Zaz doesn't care at all. It doesn't look like he's emotional in any way whatsoever. He doesn't sound nearly as sad as Illinois coach Brad Underwood, whose sound we're going to get to in a second because I am the harvester of sorrow. You have no emotions about this whatsoever, no attachment whatsoever to the Big Sui.

No. One thing is certain. People are going to miss the rotating opens that the Big Sui had. Is they going to miss anything else, or is that going to be the only thing? There are no rotating opens. It's been the same one for like six years. So Big Sui was. I felt like the EP would have gotten around to it at some point, but not we just like, you know. We powered through. This works. Let me get to the sound of Illinois coach Brad Dan, finally. Underwood. because, yeah, you know I'm the harvester of sorry. I heard this, and I was like, man, would Dan love this sound? Well, I'm going to come back to tell you a doubly sad story on the end of this.

So if you want to, just fast forward through a little bit of the debut voyage of Hour 3. I suggest that you do that now if you don't want just, you know, two or three minutes of sadness, and we'll get back to the hijinks in a second. But let's start with Brad Underwood being sad. I feel sad. I'm sad. If you want to know the truth, I'm sad. But I'll reflect on some of the other stuff later.

Season's coming to an instinct because I'm going to steal a quote from Kelvin Sampson. They may not be a big as part of, I may not be as big a part of their life, but they are my life. And I'm sad. I'm sad. I was picturing you rubbing your nipples listening to that. Word for word, quote, me and the point. parking lot after the national championship game.

He regrets the way all of that came out. He didn't say that the way that he wanted to say that he wanted to steal that boat and be graceful about it. But I had a rough weekend for a variety of different reasons. My wife has lost a family member and that's always hard. It's especially hard when it is sudden. And the family sent me out this weekend. I'm sorry to laugh, but I'm genuinely curious. If I sent you guys out to get a newspaper right now, do you think you can do it? Do you think you can find a way to physically get a newspaper? I'd go to a gas station. Yeah, there's a 7-Eleven, like, reasonable walking distance. That's where I'd go. Okay, because the reason I bring this up is because the family wanted the obituary and sent

me out to get a newspaper and I come from newspapers and I went to two gas stations and a grocery store and at two of the places, not joking when I say this, people didn't know what I was asking for. That is crazy. That is the gold standard. Like if we were playing Family Feud, number one answer on the board is probably a gas station. I guess my next move would be, well, if I can't count on gas. stations. Do I go to a Barnes & Noble? I was just going to say that. Barnes and Noble in the magazine section.

Where is it on the board? Survey says? Do we still have the things like on the side of the street that you'd put like a quarter in? The newspaper machine. Yeah, you like, you like squeeze in the middle. Those are not around anymore. I used to like that because it was like an honors system you were working on. You take a couple of them, right? The last time I saw those were during the Vancouver riots after the Canucks lost.

Is it called a newspaper machine? Is that what it's called? Yeah, why not? Dispenser. Vender? That's a good one. Not machine. I don't think it's a newspaper machine because it's not a machine. It doesn't do anything.

A machine, it's not, there's a portion of the audience that may have no idea. Is it possible that they have no idea what I'm talking, what Zaz is trying to talk about there when he calls something that's a machine, it's not a machine. That is. It's Zaz. A vestible. It's not a machine. No one's calling it a vestible.

I'll tell you that. What do you know? At Dumb and Dumber, Jim Carrey with a big cowboy hat on dropping his keys in there. Yeah, it's one of the best scenes with the newspaper machine. A machine has to have a computer console, it has to have some mechanics. This is just, this is a metal box. It's not a, it's like a quarter slot, and then it lets you squeeze its thing. You know what I mean, Dan?

You know what I'm talking about. You squeeze it right in the nipples, like, don't need to, most machines don't need to have a computer element to it. A vending machine has an element of transaction in it that is either numerical or computerized. G8. Dropping a quarter into. to a slot does not make something a machine. I don't think I don't know what this would be

called but I don't think newspaper machine. That's the one guys. That's a machine. Look at machine. The Wikipedia entry for it, official name, newspaper vending machine. Hell yeah. Or newspaper rack which explains Tony's nipple thing. Thank you.

Proven right. We should give that as a challenge to somebody around here to see how quickly they can find a newspaper. Did you end up finding one? No, I was startled. I quit after three. I went to a Winddixie and two gas stations.

Did you try buying an airline ticket and going to the lounge? Because I would see you do that as like, all right, this is the only way that I could solve this problem. I'm going to spend $600 on a flight to New Orleans, not actually board it, but I need to get this newspaper from the lounge. I quit after three efforts. And by quit, you meant text to your assistant. No, I never got it. Never did. So the family who's grieving wanted the obiturary, you said, sorry, didn't get it.

The newspaper man came back and said, I don't know. Hence my sadness. Like, there's the death portion of it. That made me sad. I was surrounded by sadness. And then on top of that, the newspaper man was a failure going to three places. You know the last time I was in one, Dixie, going to three places. A hotel might have been your best bet because you live on the beach.

Do you think if I go downstairs here at the ulcer right now? I think so. And I ask for a newspaper. I'm going to try it. Okay. Let's see if, let's see if. I'll bet you come back one. Let's see if Mike Ryan can come.

I'm going to take the over. But take a camera crew with you, though. Take a camera crew with you. Take a crew with you. Don't just come back with a newspaper. I think, though, that you guys, I just, again, the part that I want to bring up to you guys, and I'm not making this up, okay. Two people working at the gas stations didn't know what I was at.

asking for, didn't understand what a newspaper is. That doesn't even, it really doesn't make sense. I'm not saying that you're lying, but like, how was it the age? How is that even believable? Young people. No, young people and young people who weren't great at English either. Like young people. Okay, but you're speaking to them in Spanish.

Yes, I was. Well, I had to, when I said newspaper, they didn't understand what I was saying. And when I said pediolical, one of them did not understand what I was saying. So there is actually, I understand newspapers are not a big thing anymore. I get it. But you're telling me there is an age of people in our society now that literally doesn't know what a newspaper is. Zaslow, I told you, I'm going to say three months ago that I was in a place where somebody held up a nickel to me here in Miami and said to me, how much is this one worth? Oh, come on.

Come on. I'm not making it up. I can't make it up. Like, the reason I can't make it up is because I was that stunned by it. Like I'm looking at the person and I'm like that I cannot be aging at this rate of speed that people don't know the things I'm talking about as if I'm as if I'm trying asking them to read hieroglyphics on a cave. Like it is it is startling. It would have been better if you walked in with a chicken, a live chicken have been like here, how much can this get me? And then they're like, uh, I don't know.

A coffee? the part about this that was also something that made me sad is it's the Sunday paper. It's the big one. I'm not asking on, well, it's not big anymore, but I'm not asking for the Wednesday. I'm not asking for the Friday. I'm asking for something that I assume other people have come through here and asked for. But now that you think about it, I've been reading recently, I think Atlanta and Chicago have stopped print editions of the newspaper.

There is no reason to do this anymore. But when I speak of the age that this would happen at, the story I've told before, because it's such a great story, it's funny and sad, is a friend of mine, who is my age, who I went to college with, still demands on reading the physical copy of the Sunday paper. And his 10-year-old boy came into the house, with his 10-year-old friend who asked my friend Barry,

asked him while he's holding up the paper at the breakfast table on a Sunday morning, what is that? That's not the funny part of the story. When he explained to the kid, it's a retelling of the day's events from yesterday that they inform you with daily. The kid asked the great follow-up question of, how did it get here

and the story that you then tell is some kid on a bicycle threw it in my bush some kid your age yesterday's news in the bushes and they charge me $3 for it when I can get it free on the internet why did that business fail?

I feel sad that's what happened to me yesterday throwing it into the bushes is such a great detail too because it's never like the kids never throw like sidearm right to your front door. It's always someplace that it's like really hard to get. The sprinklers hit it. It's such a terrible, terrible idea.

It's such a great question from a 10-year-old, though. How did it get here? So yesterday's information was dropped from the beyond into your bushes, and it cost $3 for the side. It might be more now. Roy, can you look up for me, please? How much the Sunday newspaper now costs? because it might actually be more than $3. Looking for something that gets the adrenaline pumping? That's the NASCAR Cup series. Every race brings the best drivers in the world together, all pushing for the moment that puts them in Victory Lane.

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I wasn't quite prepared for tities. This is the Don Lebatar show with the Stugats. Are we going to check in? Is Mike Ryan ready to be checked in with as he, does his live hunt for a newspaper. Let's see if he can do this a lot easier. I would assume it's a lot easier at a hotel. Let's see what Mike's got.

Mike, you're checking in from the lobby of the luxurious Elser? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to the front desk right now. Hey, how's it going? Hey, I'm just curious. Do you have any newspaper? Start up? Not a newspaper in Florida.

I mean, do you have access to a newspaper right now? Like if someone asks, hey, can I have today's paper? Do you have it? Don't say so, sir. All right. All right. Well, that's it. Thank you very much.

No newspaper here. The response when I asked for a newspaper, hey, do you guys have a newspaper here? You mean in Florida? So that was the answer. Okay. Good work, Mike. If you want to keep searching, we can check in with you all over because I... Oh, do you want me to go to the 7-Eleven?

That 7-Eleven's got to have one, right? I'll bet they have a machine. No, there are no machines. There can't be any more newspaper vending machines. can't be a thing. Rack. Are there any new, are there any pay phones anymore? Are there still pay phones anywhere working functioning? There's the box across the street, the skeleton of a payphone across the street, but there's

no phone in it. So it's just the bones. It's just the bones of it. It's just the remains of the pain. Right across Biscayne, right there. So where, if I sent any one of you out right now and said, I need you to go and find me a dial tone on a pay phone, how far do you think you would have to go? before you found a working, not the remains of a pay phone.

That's because like on our walk to our parking garage, there's what used to be a pay phone. Steve Martin also said that. The remains. Steve Martin said it. The skeleton. 299 for a Sunday, Miami here. That's not bad.

Okay, but you could get yesterday's news. I'm going to try to find a pay phone at the college campus. We have Miami-Dade College over here. That would be my first guess is to like, if any place has a public pay phone, it would be a campus. Okay, it would be great if somehow we managed to find both a payphone and a newspaper here. They're zooming in right now on the TV broadcast.

They're zooming in where the bones of said payphone live, which is right there between the palm. In between those two palm trees, you can see there. There are the bones. That used to be a pay phone. Again, though, the industry collapsed because for $2.99, we'll throw yesterday's news wet in your bushes on a rainy day, or you could just go to your computer and do it for free because none of you are doing the paywalls. As soon as we hit you with a paywall,

I sent the family members the obit for the Miami Herald, which hit them with a paywall, and they bailed on it. They were like, no, we're not doing this. It's a paywall. 27 bucks a month? You just say go to your computer. You're a thousand years old. You get out of your phone.

You do it. All right, I'm back on him today. He's all right. He's all right. Zaslo, can you explain to me as close to the truth as you can find what is happening with the Milwaukee Bucks and Janice Antecoombo? Just keep Mike in picture and picture and just have him in picture and picture so we will check in with him whenever it is. We can get new information or a triumph of him finding either a pay phone or a newspaper. But what can you tell me is factual about?

the Yannis situation with the Bucks as the NBA is now investigating. Yeah, the NBA is investigating what's going on in Milwaukee because, and here's this tweet from Shams Tarania, both Ante Tocumpo and the Bucks have told league investigators different stories. Milwaukee informed the NBA. It doesn't believe Janus is ready and actually wants to play. Yonis informed the NBA. He wants to play. but the team will not medically clear him.

And this also goes back to the claim from a few days ago that the Bucks wanted him to participate in three-on-three practice, you know, part of the return-to-play process, and that Yonis refused. Janice is saying he wants to play and the team won't clear him. So someone is lying here. And just, I guess the interesting part is this is the divorce.

This is the ugly divorce. Janice refuses to come out and say, I don't want to be in Milwaukee anymore. But for whatever reason, for a team that is missing the playoffs, the hill that he wants to die on is, I want to play in the final five games of the season. Like, it's kind of ridiculous. They're very clearly going to divorce this all season.

The whole thing has been a dog and pony show from the jump, this entire year, right? Because we knew that it was a lame duck year for Janus. We knew something had to happen with Milwaukee. They didn't do it at the trade deadline. They had the back and forth of, oh, we're going to trade them, oh, we're not going to trade him. And then he comes out on his own social media with the Jordan Belfort meme of like,

I'm not effing leaving, saying, I'm going to recruit stars here. Then you don't do it. And then you complain about it. Like, what are we talking about? Mike Ryan, what is that giant bull? I have seen that on the corner of that. That's been there for a while. Is that an art exhibit?

What's going on there? That's a crypto bull. I think Francis Suarez put that here. Crypto bowl. The eyes light up. I thought for sure I was going to find a newspaper dispenser or a pay phone around this coffee shop on campus, but it doesn't appear. So now I'm going to cut through the other building in campus and head straight to a 7-11.

That one's got to have a newspaper. All right. So we found a crypto bull before we found a newspaper. I know where he can find a pay phone. If he walks another 20 feet the opposite direction, the federal courthouse and the federal jail, you can go there. Oh, I bet you there would be a pay phone there. And yeah, he'd have to get it. He'd do it the way that I would go to the airport to get a newspaper.

Just go ahead and get jailed, Mike, and see if you can have your one phone call from a pay phone, and then you will have succeeded. We will check in with Mike Ryan when he succeeds here, but we're going to throw Amin's weekend observations at this as well. But before we start those weekend observations, Amin, what are your thoughts here on what it is that Zaz was just saying? Who's telling the truth on this Janus thing? It can't be both of them.

Yeah, I talked to Eric name of the athletic. He covers the Milwaukee Bucks, and he was telling me, look, man, Janice, when they called him not ready, he would go through these intense pregame workouts in front of everybody. And it would be just the craziest stuff. He's doing windmills. He's planting off of the supposed bad leg, planting hard cuts and stops and all that. He's fine.

We all know what's happening here. The Bucks this year, they get the least favorable two picks, one from New Orleans that goes to Atlanta and the one of there. So obviously New Orleans is doing worse. Milwaukee keeps their pick, it would be an incredible, incredibly great chip for them to have in order to move forward either with a rebuild or to trade away to get Yanis some help. But in order to do that, you're going to have to make sure that Yanis doesn't play. Janus, on the other hand, crazy, crazy competitor wants to play, still believes until the day that they're mathematically eliminated,

that they still have not only a shot, but a shot to make a run all the way. But the big thing, the straw that may have broken the proverbial camel's back, Eric Names said, Alex Andacumpo, Janus's youngest brother, who was 11 years old when Janus moved to Milwaukee, grew up in Milwaukee. His father passed away obviously very young. So Janus has kind of been his father figured out of his life. Alex finally is going to make his debut. And when it happens, Janus is on the inactive list, and that didn't sit well with Janus at all. he wanted to be there on the floor with both of his brothers playing

and to be shut down for reasons other than immediate success, I think that probably also chafed him the wrong way. So the bucks are lying? I don't call anybody liars, Dan. I said they exhibit the behaviors of liars, though. But again, they're doing what every other NBA team, well, excuse me, almost every other NBA team would do in the same scenario, which is, hey, this is the time you circle the wagons.

we don't control our picks moving forward. This is a year where we know where we pick is probably going to be our pick. We've got an opportunity. We're already out of it by a lot. This guy obviously changes the math on how much of a chance we have to win games. It's best. The strategy says, the book says, sit them down. The problem is you don't have buy-in from your player in order to have them set down,

which is why I go back to this whole 65-game rule thing, guys. It is not a player decision. It's an organizational decision. I mean, we will get to your weekend observations in a second. Mike, you found a newspaper, but it was the student newspaper. Your assignment is the Miami Herald. You have failed so far. So far, I failed.

I did find a newspaper, hard copy, but it was a student newspaper. I did find a machine, but it was one of those Uber delivery machines. But now I'm on the street corner with the 7-Eleven. So I should have an answer here real soon. Hey, Roy, buddy. You know that energy shift when the game gets good? and everybody altogether in unison knows to stand up on their feet. Oh, absolutely, Mike.

Yeah, you've been at many big time sporting events. You know that moment quite well. That's what it's like when you take your first sip of Cuervo. Oh, delicious. It's the signal that says, we're not checking the time anymore, pal. It's when small talk turns into stories. Quervo, man, it's at high five a random stranger effect. That's right.

The game is popping. You're hugging people you never met before. That's the kind of energy that Cuervo brings. It's so smooth, so delicious. That's the Cuervo effect. Keep it, Cuervo! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. May is Mental Health Awareness Month,

and it's a reminder that whatever you've got going on, you don't have to carry it alone. Because life doesn't slow down. Some days feels manageable, while other days it's everything at once. Work, expectations, things you're trying to figure out behind the scenes. And a lot of us assume we're supposed to handle it

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That's betterhELP.com slash dLB. Hey, it's Mike Ryan. And I want to talk to you about the random midweek hang that you have with your friends. Maybe it's an NBA game. You get a text, hey, come over. You want to watch the game. And maybe you're like, I don't know. I kind of just wanted to stay home.

And then you think about it. After your buddy hits you up and you know just that that'll make that regular hang, that regular midweek hang around the basketball game into a special time, into a Miller time. That's right, this happened to me just last week. I grabbed a six-pack of Miller Light, said I was on my way, and next thing you know, we're arguing about rotations like we're on the coaching staff, yelling about a miss call, and the game's coming down on the final possession. It was one of those nights that you look around, you take a sip, and you think, yeah, this was the right call, and my friendship's stronger for it. Cheers to legendary moments with

Miller Light. Great taste, 96 calories. Go to Miller Lite.com slash Dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. Don Lebertard.

You getting started on the breakfast flan? Oh, man. I've been singing a song to myself all morning long. Breakfast flan. Stugats. Have you never heard the Breakfast Flon song? No, hit me with it. Okay.

I wish I had some breakfast. Flan. Breakfast flound. Do you know breakfast like that? This is the Dan Levitar show with the Stugat. All right, so this will interrupt the weekend observations, but let's start the weekend observations and I mean we will have to respectfully and triumphfully stop the weekend observations if Mike Ryan does indeed find either a pay phone or a newspaper. Let's start

Amin's weekend observations. Godspeed. It is time for Amin to share his game notes. No one in the media will tell you what happened better than my boy. I mean. Weekend observations is brought to you by Miller Light. Legendary moments start with a light. Dan. Calendar flip. March is over and April is upon. honest, which can only mean get this sorry-ass college basketball off my TV because the NBA is back. What a weekend. Yokic versus Wemby.

Heat it up in a spoon and injected it into my veins. Def versus KD. Hop it up into fine powdered lines and let me snort it. Will Riley versus Nolan Trowry. Shove an animal up by ass. Wait a second. No, that one's a typo. Never mind that one.

Who you play for? Exactly, both of them. Dusty May. Should change his name to May win it all. Danny Hurley should change his name to Hurl leave it all on the floor. Her leave it all on the floor. Congratulations to Doc Rivers. Okay.

All right, I earned that one. By the way, Dan, this is all topic. I dropped the dad joke so bad I was met with outright, hostility this weekend by my kids. Hold on a second. I mean, Mike Ryan, nothing at 7-Eleven. Are you kidding me, Mike? Are you kidding me? Nothing at 7-Eleven. I even found a machine that can make you a hard copy key

before I found a newspaper. Pick up the most random thing that you can find that you can find before a newspaper. A key is pretty good, but see, just go through there and just hold up what you believe to be the single most random thing that you shouldn't be able to find before you find a newspaper. The hard copy keymaker is pretty good.

I can't pick it up. But, like, that's pretty crazy. You're right. I remember keys. They used to use them in the bathroom. Right? No? Just me.

Okay. Keep going. I mean. That one was not a loser game show sound. That was a pretty good one. Congratulations to Doc Rivers for being named a Naismith Hall of Fame coach. On the same weekend. Ken, there are reports that you're going to get fired.

That's never happened before, right? The Islanders just fired. The Islanders just fired their coach four days before the playoffs. Their coach is Patrick Waugh. That one's happened before. Mike Malone got fired four games left in the season last year. I'm talking about congratulations. You've made it to the Hall of Fame as a coach.

And also hit the brics. Congrats to Mike Dantonian, Amari Stademar, for being named Hall of Famers. I often said if I had the same exact NBA front office career during the same years with the same titles from Video Room to Assistant Director of Basketball

Ops, but for the Charlotte Bobcats, I would not be here right now. Quick recap of Hall of Famers I work for and with in Phoenix. Gary Colangelo, Mike Dan Tony, Steve Nash, Grant Hill, Shaquille O'Neal, Amari, Vince Carter, Rick Welts,

and Steve Kerr, you're on the winner on the on deck circle excuse me the winner circle why not Dan there's nothing I love more than seeing brands tiptoe around proprietary terms like March Madness think things instead like March insanity March craziness

and March frenzy I saw an ad last week to catch all the mentally ill third month of the calendar action and I knew we've gone too far speaking of mentally ill Dana and I be preaching on a street corner With a megaphone and a big sign with a lot of words on it Never in the history of mankind has a dude

Standing on a street corner With a megaphone successfully converted anyone to their religion You know who does love to see that? Big megaphone Dales through the roof I checked megapones.com It's real No one's paying attention.

Mike, find that paper please. We're listening to you. You're listening like a METI. No, listen. I'm listening to you because the big megaphone, Joan, I was thinking of putting you in the third hat trick loser game show Hall of Fame. Like, I was thinking of hitting you a third time, and I didn't want to show a lack of support.

So then you called out my lack of support because I'm just not laughing at your bad jokes. I'm just trying to get the three-time belt champion. Bishop Time Belt. What are you doing? He just whispered to me while you were talking. He says every mistake he makes exonerated me. You're drowning while you grabbing me. He just said to me.

He just said to me while you were talking. Every mistake he makes exonerates me. I did say that. That's why Tony. That's why Tony. We're in the pool and it means drowning. He's trying to grab my leg. Hey, get out of here.

Miss me yet? No. New season of Bar Rescue. And we've got you covered at Here's the Science, a Bar Rescue podcast. This is a real podcast because had someone come up to me the other day. It's like, do you guys do a Bar Rescue podcast? Because I think I heard something about a Lepiton show. Like, yes, I've been promoting it for like three months now every week.

Here's the science, a bar rescue podcast. We have real hosts, real life bar restaurant consultant Chelsea Reynolds. He does this for a living. Commercial Kitchen and Food Truck vet Colin Cassard. He does this for a living. And two guys who have stumbled drunkenly on their way to a bar past a guy on the street corner with a megaphone screaming about God. That's me and Zach Harper. We do that kind of for a living.

Wherever you get podcasts. Janus, either demand the trade or don't, man. Pick of this shit. Pope Leo, you're a real one. LeBron James, in hot water because he said Memphis was his least favorite. road destination. To paraphrase, the great Joe Kim Noah. I never heard anyone say, I'm going to Memphis on vacation.

Zaz, you like going to Memphis? That's your joint? Nope. You being up Memphis a lot? Nope. Okay. Not calling for them to lose their pro sports team either. Are you going to speak for black people?

Why? Why? Because it sucks for the fans. How many fans? They got their worst in attendance every year. But how does it affect me if they have a team? Let them have ever. a team?

Why? How does it affect you if they don't have a team? Because it makes people sad if they don't have a team. It makes me sad. How about that? It makes LeBron sad too. I love how people try to clap back by saying, ooh, what about Cleveland?

He's like, I don't like going home either. Which finally exonerates me for years of getting hate on ESPN on Sports Station in the jump where people like, how dare he say this about Cleveland? Nobody likes going to Cleveland, man. Not even the Cleveland people. I mean, hold on a second. Let's check in with Mike. Mike, where are you now?

And are you any more confident than you were before? No, Dan, I'm shocked at how challenging this is. I've gone to two hotels, two bodegas, and now I'm in the CBS. No newspapers and certainly no public pay phones. But I'll keep looking. Damn, I thought that was a Walgreens. There's a ton of pay phones, by the way, everywhere downtown. They're gross, but they are there.

Okay, but we're not able to find any. And Mike is continuing his hunt. but please give me his music so that he can continue. Cooper Flag. That strong late push for rookie of the year. Tony, your guy Concanipples up out of here, man. He's no longer the favor. I mean, you want to do points?

Yeah, okay, great. He's got a lot of points. Concord was playing like a savvy veteran, all right? Sounded like that. He's got a lot of points. Donovan Mitchell. Said he's okay after an end. issue near the end of the game.

Someone should ask the two pacers he crossed up after the ankle issues they had in the middle of the game. You guys see that? Yep. He crossed up two guys at the same time. He broke two sets of ankles at once with one crossover. Jay Cole. Dying to play with Nanjing and the Chinese Basketball Association. Thanks for the heads up, guys.

I walked around telling everyone to check the date because it's April 1st. Like, come on, guys. You can't fall for this every time. I'm going to find out he's actually there. Women's March Madness. One blowout after another. It was bad. Bad tournament.

Bad tournament. Gino Ariema. Sour loser. Take your ass whooping and walk, man. Don Staley. Do it in the championship game. Deonté Wilder. Staying, I'm sorry, I love you,

before knocking out Derek Chisora. I thought being in love meant never never having to say you're sorry JJ Spawn Beats the rain and the field to win the Texas Open That's the exact type of headline I like to sneak in the weekend observations To pretend there's some variety to this shit I have no idea who JJ Spawn is I don't even know the gender

I don't even know the sport I can't even be sure this was played in Texas USA Or Tejas de Brazil Patrick Roa got five fired as Islanders coach. Isn't it funny when you don't know shit about a sport and you hear a famous name get fired, you automatically think the team fucked up on that one? I have no idea, but like it's Patrick Graw.

You guys help me, you can do better Patrick Gawah? Joe Adela of the Angels. Arrested for Grand Theft Larsonia after their game versus the Mariners. Because he robbed three homeowner. The hat trick, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. Congratulations. Tinnapob episode 305.

Getting Even With Dad. Starring McCauley Culkin and Ted Danson. And the lady from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. The Steve Holman's favorite movie, I'm told. Another dirty rotten reference. McCauley got paid $8 million to do it in 1994. Think about that. You know what?

It's crazy because whoever made the movie thought to themselves, I got to thought to themselves i got the biggest tv star and ted dancing i got the biggest child actor in the world macaulay we're printing money they didn't count on one thing though puberty macaulay started to lose the childlike cuteness misconnection you were the blonde with the long legs hurrying across the intersection i was the guy with the megaphone screaming about how you're going to go to hell speaking of hell are bryles those are the weekend observations. Thank you, Amin.

Let's just play for Amin, please. Just because he mentioned Joe Adele, the John Travolta also celebrating Joe Adel. The wickedly talented, one and only Adel. Amin, thank you.

Appreciate you being on the show. The Deonté Wilder thing we did not talk about. That was funny. Teddy Atlas says that's the biggest right hand there's been in the history of that sport. Him saying, I'm sorry, I love you, and then knocking him through

the ring ropes. Look at him trying to hold on. Is he copying Sean Michaels and Rick Flair? No, I think. Man, nobody watched wrestling like that except you nerds. I don't know, man. It's a pretty famous wrestling moment. I think he is copying him. I don't. I've never

heard of it. No, I know what he's talking about, but I also know that in the fighting sport sometimes, guys have so much respect for each other that that feeling swirls around in there when they feel bad for somebody. Dan, before we let Amin go, I want to see if he can judge a new game called Who He Played for. Because he said a name earlier and we said who he played for.

So I came with a collection of guys in the NBA. That's why he's judging it with Zaz. He knows Will Riley plays for the Whiz. Okay, all right. Will Riley, who he played for, Zaz. I don't know. You know Sean Michael's shit. I just said it.

He did just say he plays for the lizards. All right, Zaz, with Amina's your judge. Who does Micah Potter play for? Shit. You don't know this? Micah Potter? He owned the heat. I mean, he scored a bunch yesterday.

Raptors. He had 21 and 12 against Cleveland for the Indiana Pacers. And two broken asses. ankles because not have been missing. There was two of the ankles he took. Crosses his ass. Yeah. Give me another.

Zaz, who does Bryce Sensible play for? Man. Come on. This one. Easy one. Against the heat might be a Monty. Jir was saying. Sensible.

Bryce, sensible. Had 34 points against O.K.C. Yesterday? You don't know who he's talking? You still don't know that either, Zaz? All right. I don't know. He's a Utah Jazz.

He's a jazz man. Baby. Who does Cormack Ryan play for? Cormack Ryan? Yeah, who does Cormack Ryan? He made that up. New York Jets. He had 21 and 5

steals against Memphis for the Milwaukee Bucks. You don't know anybody. Do you watch basketball? You watch basketball. You have to be the most obscure guys. So Mike has found a penis on a wall, but he hasn't found a newspaper, a pay phone. I mean, thank you.

Appreciate your time. That's headphones. That's not a penis. Cactus. Mike, you're going to fail, you're not going to find anything in an hour roaming the streets around Miami. It feels that way. I got like one last one I feel good about, and that's the Intercontinental right over here at the end of Biscayne. That's an older type of hotel with a lot of business people. Oh, I found a dead pigeon on the street before I found a pay phone.

Mike, really quick, who does Ryan Rupert play for? No shot. No shot of playing that game, Don't. I watch all basketball on mute, but I just did find a dead pigeon. That's a pretty good content. Yeah, that was, you're going to go to the Intercontinental. Now, you're making a good walk with an inability to find a newspaper. This is also going to drag into the postgame show, because we've got to get, we've got to get a payoff on this where he gets a newspaper or a pay phone. Thank you, Amin. I can't believe you found a dead pigeon and a penis and a key, a keymaker at the 7-Eleven before he found a damn newspaper. I'm sad. I'm sad. Hey, it's Mike Ryan. And I want to talk to you about the random midweek hang that you have with your friends. Maybe it's an NBA game.

You get a text, hey, come over. You want to watch the game and maybe you're like, I don't know. I kind of just wanted to stay home. And then you think about it. After your buddy hits you up, and you know just the thing that'll make that regular hang, that regular midweek hang around the basketball game into a special time, into a Miller time. That's right. This happened to me just last week. I grabbed a six-pack of Miller Light, said I was on my way. And next thing you know, We're arguing about rotations like we're on the coaching staff, yelling about a miss call. And the game's coming down to the final possession. It was one of those nights that you look around, you take a sip, and you think, yeah, this was the right call.

And my friendship's stronger for it. Cheers to legendary moments with Miller Lite. Great taste, 96 calories. Go to Miller Lite.com slash Dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.