The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Is Hallmark a Ponzi Scheme? | Hour 1

Episode Date: September 18, 2026

"I'm a vigorous lovemaker! I'm the one doing that!" Jeremy has a new suggestion for a Bucket punishment, but Tony has some questions about the business. Plus, what's next for Gillian Zucker of the Clippers? Should the Clippers change their name? Did you know there's a new cat? And after Ichiro's dominance in a women's high school all-star game, Amin has a question someone will surely know the answer to: Why did women start playing softball over baseball? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My favorite part of the football season is the confidence everybody has before it kickoff. Zaslo already knows how the game is going to end. Tony has studied every possible matchup and Chris Cody is convinced his fantasy team is unbeatable. Then the game starts, everything immediately goes off the rails and suddenly nobody remembers making any of those predictions. That's why a legendary game day starts with an ice cold Miller light. Whether I'm at a tailgate, watching with friends, or settling in for a full Saturday of college football. Miller Light is the beer I can depend on. It's crisp, refreshing, and has a clean finish that hits perfectly during a hot South Florida game day.

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Hell yeah. Wow. Power through it. Yeah, you did. You're making you emotional. Wow. Yeah, no. I love me.

I love me some draft kings. Kings sports. Yes. Jeremy, news awaits us of the newest punishment for the bucket of punishment. Yeah. No, I'm very excited about this because, yeah,

the bucket of punishment, sure, why don't we call it that? It's called the bucket. Everybody's been calling it the bucket of punishment, grid of punishment, and I just want to know if that's like a new thing or if that's kind of a mispeak that we're all just going. No,

that's a thing we're trying to go away from the whole like, sculling crossbones. Yeah, we don't want to do that anymore. So now it's punishment. That's all it is, guys. It's a punishment.

No one's going to die. So I saw some huge news that I'm very excited about as we head into the later part of the year, which is that Hallmark, as they have their countdown to Christmas, they've got more new holiday movies than ever. So what? Okay, so for their countdown to Christmas, is the 17th year of doing it. It's the 25th year, I believe, of the Hallmark Channel. They've announced there are going to be 34 new original Christmas movies just this season.

Mario Lopez can't work that much. It's insane. Well, some of the names are great here. Lori Loughlin going to be in one. Tamara Mowry going to be in one. Rachel Lee Cook. Danielle Monnet, Lacey Chabere. Lacey Chabar.

Christy Carlson Romano. Lacey Chabar, the original Meg Griffin. How about Richard Kine? Andy McDowell. They're all going to be in these movies. Richard Kine, you're too talented to do Hallmark movies. I love the idea of Richard Kite being in a Hallmark movie. But he has to be Richard Kine.

Yeah, as Richard Kine. That's exactly right. There are any other kind. There are 34 of these. And I am of the belief that we should add this to the bucket. which is you have to watch all 34 new Hallmark Christmas movies. How will we ever? Every day, you watch one and you give a minute-long review for our social media team.

No. And you do all 34, and that becomes a bucket punishment. And I think it's something that would be great at it. Tash is going to tank to get this punishment. I mean, obviously, Tash. I know this fits within my personality, but I actually, I'm not a big Hallmark movie watch. I'm more like I'll watch Elf. I'll watch Elf.

Elf tracks. Yeah, I love Elf. That's my favorite Chris movie. I'll watch Harry Potter Christmas, because of course that's a Christmas movie. But, you know, this is a tough one. Jeremy, if I can with a big, Hallmark, an absolute Ponzi scheme, by the way. The Hallmark Corporation. Expansy scheme.

What do you mean Ponzi scheme? So you said 25 years ago they created the channel, yeah? Yeah. Okay. Imagine how many cards they had to sell to have the money to go create a production studio and a channel that now runs the world for, let's say, mid-50s wine drunk mothers. around Christmas time, right? So you have all this money.

Hold on, give me a second. Yes. Isn't that just business? No, that's not business. Hold on a second. I mean, it is business. Because let's define business versus Ponzi scheme, okay? So I'm going to put PS for Ponzi scheme.

Yeah, I need to scale here. So they have the cards. Okay. All right? And you go to CVS or even worse, a Hallmark store, which is overpriced to begin with. No one's ever gone into the Hallmark store. I'm telling you people have gone to the Hallmark store.

I've gone in. I've gone in. Rick, I've gone in. And knickknacks a plenty. So you have the gift cards, right? All right. Then you have enough money to have a TV production. Okay?

Yeah. And then you turn those into sadness, right? He's drawing a circular diagram for the listening audience. So we got gift cards into TV production movies, right? Yeah. Movies into sadness. Okay. Into more gifts.

And what do you need with a gift? I need a card. You need another gift card. Boom. And it's just a never-ending cycle of I'm going to get the gift card. I'm going to watch the movie. I'm going to get sex. I need a gift for somebody.

I'm going to get a gift card. And it goes on and on and on in perpetuity. It's not really a gift card. It's a card that's a gift. A card that's a gift. A greeting card. You're right. A card for a gift.

I mean, Mikabayo Tony sometimes gets wild with the conspiracy theories. But I think on this one, he is on to something. In fact, I think there are some branches that shoot off of this. Consider,

Hallmark thrives. It's day. It's Christmas is not Christmas. It's Valentine's Day. It's manufactured. jive holiday to embrace romance we don't need your help card maker if you're truly romantic you know 365 is your opportunity to be romantic don't dictate to me when i'm going to give somebody a card or flowers or chocolates especially when it's a one-sided endeavor oh only the one gender gets the

chocolates and flowers where's my flowers i've been i've been i'm a halfway uh i'm half a participant in this relationship too you know i'm a vigorous love maker. I'm the one doing that. So give me some flowers and some chocolate. Anywho, it's you. Valentine's Day is where they make all their money. Valentine's Day 2027, Super Bowl. We got him back, Dave. We got him back, Dave. Josh Allen's the one who's going to be sad on that day, because once again, at best for all the songs being sung after Thursday night week two, Josh Allen, don't you see everybody the greatest player in the history of people at the very best on Valentine's Day, 27, Josh Allen or Lamar Jackson, at the best,

is still Lombardi-less. I have a question, Sheck, and there wasn't opening, but you just somehow made it about football, which I really find to be very, very impressive. Are you saying that you're the one that only does the work in your vigorous lovemaking? No, no, no, no, shame the devil. Heaven forbid that that's if that's how it came off. I'm just saying I am an active participant in all things love. That's all.

Because you kind of made it sound like you're the one whose hips are doing all of the work in the vigorous love. You're generating the power. Yeah. He made it sound like he was the one generating all the power. That there was. Oh, Tristan, no. It was like a dead fish thing, but that's kind of how it sounded. No, no, no, no.

Shame the devil. No, I just want to make it clear. I'm equally comfortable as both the physical agreement. aggressor or in the more passive role. However, top or bottom. His hips don't lie like Shakira. I have two questions.

I have two questions. One, are we sure this is a Ponzi scheme? Because like this just sounds like business to me, which is like you create one thing and then you get enough money to start creating another thing. And then those things can help each other.

Because a Ponzi scheme, you're like, you're not. You're robbing Peter to pay Paul, right? Well, I think a Ponzi scheme, it's like, you're not. I mean, if we want to, the technical definition here. It says a fraudulent investment operation where money from new investors is used to pay fake returns to earlier investors instead of earning any real profits.

You're Robin, you take the money here and you pay this guy. Say, okay, now you got paid off, but then this guy needs to get paid off. So you recruit someone new to take their money to pay the last guy that you took money to pay the first guy. Yeah, you're just taking everybody's money and their joy. This is more of like a vicious cycle business. It is. What they're doing is they're creating the demand by creating more sad people who then seek to fulfill themselves with love and and giving gifts and receiving gifts and the cards that go. So they're just manipulators.

Yeah. They're evil just not through Ponzi. Yeah, I just, you know, the thing I never got is I go to Target, usually to get my greeting cards. By the way, can I help you out here for a second? Can I help the audience out for a second? Yeah. I know it's very expensive.

You go to your local supermarket. You got a target. You go to any other place. You go to any other place, right? You look at the thing. You're like, all right, let me get something for mom here. Let me see the back of this card. 999 for this card.

Okay, how about? I'm going to get a cheaper one. Let me see those. This one's got sparkles on at 1199. Okay, hold on a second. What are we doing here? And you go through every single card in the section. And every card is $7 or above.

I've cracked the code, ladies in general, you ready. Please. Go to your nearest dollar tree. Yes. You go to any dollar store. You walk in the same cards, a dollar $1. So what I was going to say, is at least at Target, they have a section 99 cent cards.

And guess what? They're fine. Any card that comes in a plastic sleeve, get out of here. Any card that comes with music that plays when you open, get out of here. And any card that has any sort of existing IP in it, whether it's Paw Patrol, MCU, Star Wars, Garfield. Get out of here. No, no. Too far.

Yes. What, oh, you, you like the IP? I loved as a child getting a Batman card for my birthday. Of course, that's great stuff. I agree with you that people have gone too far. Although I wonder if that's gone the way of the dodo bird, the idea of like, being a good greeting card giver is some, was some people's personality, right? Like it was like, they give the best cards.

This one, this one over here. They always have the most clever cards. Like, I guess it's been replaced by the person who says. sends the cutest gifts your way, right? Yeah, remember the cards that were like three-dimensional. You would open them up. And then there would be like something would pop up. Those were awesome.

I don't feel like we've seen those at all recently. Pop-up books were a big thing too. They still are when you have kids. Okay, they still make them. Still pop-out books. Very popular for toddlers. Okay. Yeah, popular.

Popular. Oh, I hate you guys. Hey, dude, you put it on the poll. Is Hallmark a Ponzi scheme? So do we like this as a punishment or should we at it? All 34 Hallmark movies? Huh? I made a long review?

I say yes. You should do it. I'm not going to. No, you have instant death. You got the fine. I'm not doing it immediately. You should do that. That's crazy.

Do we have a definitive list right now of the punishments or is that like a big secret? I do have a working list of new available punishments. Is it a secret from the audience? Like, is this just or is it a secret from us? I don't know. I think this is a decision that we can make. right now. Like, I feel like,

look, I'm in charge. So we can make this as a group. You are, but you're not. This is my project. Yes and no, because I feel like I'm an alternate governor for the Clippers right now. It's like, hey, do you approve this trade? Like, I don't know, man. I'm allowed to do this.

No, no, no. I mean, this is like, this is like they threat job of the hunt was like, I'm going to put you into the Sarlack pit and you're going to get digested slowly over a thousand years. Side note to that. I always think that that was too, that threat. sounds worse than the reality. We're going to be digested over a thousand years. Well, I'm going to be dead in about like 36 hours, right?

I'm going to miss most of the pain from that. It's not much of a threat. But either way, yes, the threat in advance shows you the stakes and it makes it feel more important. Of course, we should know what the punishments are in advance. Dave, I always thought that the Sarlack pit would like infuse you with just enough to stay alive. How would it do that?

It's Star Wars, man. Like, there are no rules here? there's sounds in space and explosions. How are they doing that? They're done follow science. It's called the rule of cool, buddy. So what? Yeah.

All right. So, okay, by injunction, I am allowing the reveal of give me the first five that are on the list that you got right there. Okay. The first five that are on the list. Lexa of power from you, by the way. The wreck of Edmund Fitzgerald. Dresses Jim Harbaugh and sing the chorus of the wreck of Edmund Fitzgerald. I don't know.

We're suggested by Roy. Don't know the tune. The Becky dresses Becky Hammond with the blazer and hoodie. Oh, yeah. Put that one down for me. This one suggested by Mike, the Swordfish. Host or hack while receiving fallatio or having a little soul patch. So it means host while having a little soul patch.

More likely than not. I doubt anyone here is going to hack and also receive fallatio while on the show. Does it matter if I don't know how to hack? Just I'll just type. keyboard. I'm in the mainframe. I clap my hands, huh? Four. Come on. Faster. Weapons. Dress as Aunt Gladys. Drink as...

Dress as Aunt Gladys. And Gladys, okay. And let me give you one more just to see... Oh, I like this one. Dress like Cam Newton in that video where he was ripping Zaz. Good. You could have just stopped the dress guy. Yeah, just like Cam Newton, period. But we have the specific reference of when he was ripping Zaz. Also, I have one.

which is be the pickle from Zazlo's movie theater. What does that mean? They just dress as a pickle. They sell pickles at my movie theater. How much is it? 99 cents. $2. My favorite part of the football season is the confidence everybody has before it kickoff.

Zazzo already knows how the game is going to end. Tony has studied every possible matchup, and Chris Cody is convinced his fantasy team is unbeatable. Then the game starts. Everything immediately goes off the rails, and suddenly nobody remembers making. any of those predictions. That's why a legendary game day starts with an ice-cold Miller-Light, whether I'm at a tailgate, watching with friends, or settling in for a full Saturday of college

football. Miller-Light is the beer I can depend on. It's crisp, refreshing, and has a clean finish that hits perfectly during a hot South Florida game day. Miller-Light is the original light beer with great taste, and beer lovers have trusted it for more than 50 years. Make Game Day legendary. Go to Miller Lite.com slash Dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Game time is Miller Time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

Dan Levitar. I don't like to work blue, but I do have at least one pal that I can think of who has, actually he says he fell asleep in Coitus. Dave Demachik. You may look at me and be surprised to hear this. I happen to be a vigorous lovemaker, so that would never happen to me. This is the Dan Levitare show. Side Road, I mean, you mentioned the Clippers.

Yeah. And I just have been thinking about this for days and days and days, and I haven't had anyone who was qualified enough to give me an answer. So Gillian Zucker. Yeah, it's a hard G. Yeah, it's a hard G. Yeah, it's hard to really reconcile that. Gillian Zucker, out for a year, suspended without pay.

Mm-hmm. there is no world on earth that Steve Balmer isn't pulling more shenanigans to pay her, right? Let me just say right now. I think I can speak on behalf of Ms. Zucker on this one. She does fine. But she's getting paid more on the bet. She doesn't need to. She's been paid so much.

And her husband, by the way, has a pretty damn good job. It was not mentioned, or I think it was mentioned in the document. Her husband is on the board for one of those companies that they were doing. shenanigans with. But yes, she's been very well compensated for a very long time. It's out to us normal people without pay for a year. What the hell? My mortgage and my car payment. She's fine.

But Steve Bomber is giving her more money when she comes back on the back end. Allegedly, according to reports, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly. He could. Well, I'm talking about in the future. There is no allegedly about something that might or might not occur in the future. The flip side is David Samson believes that they're going to clean house. else that none of these people will ever work for the clippers again they're all going to get

fired because you just want to distance yourself from all of that like from that scandal you don't want the stink and the stench of that hanging around and so all those people eventually will look at for jobs well something contracts you that they can't just do that right now yeah they can't so they have to wait until the year's done and then fire them yeah even though they're essentially fired now from that point of view pretty much yeah i mean look there's not look the one we know is never coming back. It's Lawrence Frank. Right.

Like, like, and which makes sense. Lawrence Frank signed an extension back in January, right? And then obviously cooperates with the investigation

and had kept copious notes upon which a lot of this stuff was based on. And so Lawrence Frank, and this is the sad part about being a whistleblower, you'll never work again. Like this is,

or if so, it's going to be incredibly hard to get another job because people won't look at you as this great honorable man who did the right thing. They look at you like, that's the dude that snitched. And I can't have that guy around me. You know he was a whistleblower too because he only got six months of a suspension and not a full year like Gillian. No, they literally praised him in the report for being forthcoming and direct and honest. And then they like compared and contrast with Gillian Zucker where they were like, she lied to us basically.

She misled and she misrepresented facts and all sorts of things. You're saying that Lawrence Frank is Frank Lucas? Yes. Yeah, he sat there with Richie. He sat there with Richie Roberts and helped him like everybody out. And he said this is how I got Blue Dream. This is our Blue Magic. This is how I got him.

No, no, like this, no, we got from here and this is the guy. And these guys are the biggest players on the West Side. He did the whole thing and it was crazy. I love that movie so much. Well, what's done is done. No use crying over. over spilled milk, and maybe that's a good place to start. The Clippers, the first order of business, yes, cleaning house, but also they need a complete rebrand. I've been saying this for a quarter

century in Los Angeles, where the Lakers rule along with the Dodgers more so than the pro football teams do. They are never going to catch up to the top brand in pro basketball, so they may as well not try. The Los Angeles, that's a bad place to start. Los Angeles basketball, Oh, that's the Lakers. They should be the Hollywood somethings, the California somethings, something along those lines. Trista, I turn to you, Amin, the gathered group here. What should they rebrand to? I have long said, and they missed the boat on this because the Vegas Knights took it.

But I always thought the Hollywood Knights was, you know, was the way to go. Now all of a sudden you're your own thing. No, okay, though. Just N-I-G-H-T-S nights. Like Hollywood? Like a moon. Yeah. No K is what you're saying.

No K. Just an N. I advocate for, I think a good one would be the rhinos because the people like the double entendres, you know. And in Los Angeles, Hollywood people are known to get rhinoplasty. So like you would get the double. And there is no, it's weird that that beast has never been embraced by any sports franchise that I'm aware of. Why are all the other ones? You know, we got a lot of cougars and wild cats and tigers and all of that.

People like cats. People like cats and people like birds. Have you noticed that? A lot of birds of prey and lots of big cats. But not enough, first of all, no canines, right? Other than, I guess, Bulldogs, yeah. We get some dogs. The dogs.

But like beyond bulldogs. What do you got? Oh, huskies? Yeah. Like, it's surprisingly small. group of dog-based names versus cats. Dobermans are not likable. So you can't have a Doberman.

There is a list of beasts so loathsome that they, you cannot name your team after them. Like that list starts with tapeworms. Like you could never do that as a, you could never be the cockroachians as a for instance. Yeah, no, you can't be a rodent. You can't be like a pest, right? So no rats.

What about bees? Bees are not pests. Bees are our friends. they are obese What about yellow jackets? Oh my God, if we disappeared off the place of Earth, this whole place will fall apart. All of it.

Speaking of cats. Jeremy. There's a new one. There's a new cat. There's a new cat. How do you make a new cat? They discovered one. No, I didn't get one.

National Geographic told us about this. So for the first time in a century, there's now been an identification of a new species of wild cat that was unknown to science. So it's Leopartis Tilkayo or the Tilkayo tiger cat. So they say that that cat, it's slender, it spotted as rounded ears, and it's smaller than a typical house cat. It lives in the Bolivian jungle. I was going to say, based on the video we saw, there's no perspective.

I can't tell how big or small it is, but that looks like a regular cat. It's in the Amazon basin and the Andes Mountains. And apparently about a decade ago, there were researchers that were called basically saying, like, hey, there's this weird cat that we don't know how to identify. And so these people who were in charge of a wildcat conservation program were able to find it, find out that it was a cat, and end up finding this entire new species. And now it's just been introduced to the world after about 10 years of trying to figure out whether or not it was something new. Ultimately, I guess they've done enough DNA testing and studying on this. But look, guys, there's never a better time to realize how lucky we are to be on this planet than when there's something new discovered like this. I mean, come on, a new animal for all of us to enjoy together to see this tiny little, this tiny little creature.

You don't love a tiny little cat. Look how adorable it is. It's so sweet. I love a little cat. It's smaller than your standard house cat. And it just lives in the jungle. It's just going about its business living in the jungle. It's smaller than a tiny little house cat.

It's so adorable. How are we enjoying this together? You know, we, guys, the wonder of the animal kingdom. And we thought we knew everything. We thought we knew every single cat that existed. We thought we knew. We knew leopards. We knew tigers.

We knew cheetahs. We knew house cats. And now we have a new one. I'm going to tell you right now. Tiger cat, lazy-ass name. That's a lazy name. Not as lazy, though, as the Nashville hockey team. They just claimed.

Predators. It was 4.59 p.m. on a Friday when the brain trust. Like, we got to come up with a name for this, everybody. What are we going to name this hockey team? Like we want a fearsome beast, one that other creatures are afraid of, a predator. Let's just go with that. Let's get out of here. That's a nice.

So would you rather than be. We got all the fearsome ones. You'd rather them be the Nashville, Sabre 2 Tigers or something like that? The Tiger is the mascot? I'm going to tell you, Dave, I like your version. I think I have a better version of the origin of the name. So they're sitting around and they're just like they're spitballing names, Sabre 2, Tiger Eyes, too wordy. They just can't figure it out.

Ties have been lucid. shirts unbuttoned. Chinese food ordered. Chinese food ordered everywhere. The boxes are falling over. And then in comes a guy from like accounting who's not part of this pitch meeting at all. But it's,

they hasn't come around. They have been stuck in his room for a while. And he looks at it. And he sees his buddy. They used to go to lunch with it. And he hasn't seen in a while because they've been stuck in this room. And he says, Dylan, you son of a bit.

And they tap super hard. And then a guy that, wait, wait, would you guys do that again? Do what? What do you say? Like, say that again? I said, Dylan, you son of a bitch. Guys, by Jove, I've got it. Predators!

By Jove! Well, then why isn't the logo either the predator, you're an ugly son of a bitch, or, you know, either that, or isn't it the Apollo Creed and Schwarzenegger arms connecting, right? It should, but you're... Boiled up muscles. Yeah, IP. IP, those two letters that are just ruining everything, man.

IP. What about the Hollywood stars? That's fine. That's fine. That's a good thing. No, we don't like that. You know who you park your cars. You and Bill Simmons park your cars in the same garage.

That was always his one. He thought, I like Hollywood stars better than Hollywood nights. Hey, here's a, what about this bracket about cats or a brack cat, if you will? Okay. If you did a big tournament of all the cats who would, win. A big cat fight. People say king of the jungle is the lion. Would the lion beat the tiger and the leopard and the jaguar and the Puma and the lynx? I got it. The Liger. Is it wrong that I say Jaguar?

Yeah, that's the car. Jaguar. That's Jaguar. Jaguar. Like my man from Rick and Morty. I'm not going to say Jaguar. That's like very like very posh. It's like jaguar. It's a posh, it's a posh cat. It is. Jaguar. I think we know for a fact, Rob McGill has answered this.

Like, the tiger is the best of the predators among them. Lions, lions require, they hunted packs. First of all, the male lion, super lazy. The lioness. The lioness is. That's who gets it done. They get it done, but they get it done in groups, right? Whereas the tiger is a solitary hunter.

Leopard, I believe, is the strongest among them. Like has the strongest bite strength. The biggest, I don't know if I could say this word. Oh, you could say it. The biggest of the mall is the cheetah. That's why they're fast because they're not good at like confrontation. Not mentioned the Black Panther. Black Panther.

Very powerful. Yes. That's challenge once a year wins. But the tiger, I think. Except that one time he didn't, but then they brought it back to life and then he did. Then he died again. Tony, you know that moment at a party or at a tailgate where everything just sort of clicks. I know it well. It's usually when I show up. Everybody goes crazy.

Yeah, you usually take all the credit for it, but it's because Tony usually walks in with Quervo. I'm walking like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quervo is a thing that turns hanging out into this is the night. It has that effect on people. It does. You usually take the credit for it. But again, it's the Quervo effect. It's like that moment in a big game where everyone in the crowd just starts standing up, hooting and hollering. Keep it quervo. Keep it quervo, baby. Dan Levatar.

Let's throw to my boy Jeremy Tache, who's sideline right now. Tash money. What you got for me? Jeremy Tache. Thanks, Jacks. This is the Dan Levatar show. Yeah, but I think the tiger wins that one easily. But here's my thing.

We are so stuck with the same damn names. How many high schools are the tigers or the wild cats or the bobcats or like, we got we need. some new so we need some new blood in there. I don't like that high schools all over football America just take other team's logos, like recognizable logos and change the colors and make it theirs. The big one you see a lot is the Packers logo. That G if it fits your team.

What the hell are you doing? You're an institute. You're supposed to be a place of learning. You can't conjure some new ideas. What message are we sending to the young people? The Bears see as well Like I think Columbus has it But I remember seeing that all over

When I was playing baseball It was like every single team That was why I was glad that at Cypress Bay We didn't have a repeatable logo It was ugly But it was ours What were you guys? We were the Cypress Bay Lightning

My kids high school Actually got a cease and desist From UCLA Because they used the script And it's like And I won't lie It's a cool ass Like UCLA's

What's the color scheme though Is it UCLA color scheme? No it's completely different It's black and orange Right? It's black and orange, but like... They own the script? They own the script, apparently because...

Really? They own script for your team, name? The font. The font, yeah. It killed me because it was a really cool jersey. I was like, oh, why did you guys wear that one anymore? My kid was like, yeah, they sent us a cease and desist. I was like, damn, man.

My son's football team, go Cresby Celts, love them through and through, brown and gold color scheme. Unquestionable Padres. It works. Brown and gold? What I resent, though, is they have new helmets, and they are the Michigan helmets, you know, in brown and white instead of Navy and Mays. But, I mean, this is a thing, this is a pervasive thing, too. In fact, my neck of the woods in Pittsburgh, PA, Woodland Hills, the Wolverines wear turquoise and black version of the Michigan helmet.

What gives here? We have with that, we're just out of ideas. Well, you can't do anything else on the helmet except just mimic an already known brand weird. Cease and desist on incoming. Speaking of high schools, Ichiro apparently pitched in a high school All-Star game. That's right. This is kind of an incredible story. So, Itiro is 52 years old now.

Obviously, we know not a pitcher, but used to be able to throw like 100 miles an hour from Rightfield. And in the last few days, he pitched in a high school all-star game against. the best Japanese girls in all of Japanese baseball. So he threw a 17 strikeout shutout against these Japanese All-Stars. He threw 127 pitches. And it's so fun to watch him on the mound. Like, he was shoving. He was throwing off speed pitches.

He was throwing gas. He looked unbelievable out there. And it was so cool because it's like, I saw a quote from him that was basically like, I like to challenge myself. I like to challenge younger players to continue to grow. I wanted to see if I still had it in me. And there's all sorts of cool stories with Ichiro of doing things like this, going out in home run derbies and things like it.

I just find it curious. I just thought about this right now. Forgive my ignorance. But like in basketball, it's very common for every player to know how to play another position. I mean, they know how to do it well, but it's like, hey, like, you know, if I'm a 6-4 guard and I come and play pickup and everyone's short, guess what I am? I'm the center now. So I'll get on the block.

Feed me to the post. Yeah, mouse in the house. I'll grab boards or whatever. even though in my everyday college or NBA life, I'm on the perimeter usually. Do baseball players have that? Can any players say, yeah, I got some pitches I can do. Not as good as a major league pitcher, but in pickup I can absolutely. I think there are certain guys who probably pitched in high school who could still break out a couple of decent pitches.

If you sent them out there, could throw some off speed pitches, you know, and be able to get by. but look at what happens at the end of games in blowouts. They'll just throw a guy out there, whether it's a catcher, whether it's a third baseman for the Marlins. It's always Javier Sonoha, who already plays seven different positions. He won the gold glove for being a utility player last year. But most of the time what they're doing is they're just going out and throwing like, you know, 45 mile an hour. Eaton's pitches. Like, they're just kind of lobized in there.

Wait until you guys find out about this guy, showy Atani. Yeah, it's pretty amazing. By the way, they all, everybody in the major leagues or 95% of them, least were the best pitcher, not just on their team in whatever conference they were pitching in in high school by definition, which is, and every stud pitcher was the best hitter on his high school team as well. Not anymore. Not anymore.

They specialized so much earlier, Dave. It's funny to say that, Tashé, because I have marveled at and been bemused by for, you know, for decades now legitimately. How it's possible that the pitcher is the best hitter on his high school. team. But when they used to bat the pitchers, it's shame the devil that we lost that in the National League. And now we have DH. It's not an improvement on baseball. But either way, that when that pitcher, who is the best hitter in high school, gets into the batters box in the major leagues, looks like he's never held a bat before. There's a big day, I mean, it's one thing,

okay, you're not going to hit big league pitching, you know, you're focused on pitching yourself at the highest level. But it's another thing that you look like you literally have not. never swung the bat before. Their passes at Major League pitching were so ridiculous and so laughable. It kind of makes sense that the architects of the game were like, let's just get off of this mess and just put a DH in there. It'll be a little more entertaining. The irony is that there's pitchers who had better batting averages than some guys who play full time now, just based off the way we've changed the game. A few. Yeah. Right. You know, exceptions that proved the rule, Dantra Willis and Mike Hampton and guys like that. But for the most part, they really

like stood like you gave a bat to a 57-year-old person who had never held one before and say, swing that. Like, is it like this? Like, is this how I did? Guys, this is an educational show. So sometimes we all like to learn together. The other day, my child asked me a question. And Dave, I'm curious how many times you have this for your child,

ask you a question and you legitimately just don't know the answer. And so my child asked, why does softball exist? why don't girls just play baseball? And I said, I have no idea. And so, Jeremy, you're our resident baseball expert. And Trista, you're a resident woman. Do either of you have an answer to that question? Why did we invent a different sport, a different version of the sport for women to play,

even though it's basically, hey, a ball is coming, hit it? It's a great question and a good conversation. I'm glad we're having it. I don't know the answer of the origin of softball. My assumption is that we just deemed that women weren't as good as men, and so we decided to separate them at the high school. level. Sure.

Athletically, and then that was how things moved forward. There was a time where women were playing baseball, and my assumption is, is that in order to, I guess in sort of a Title IX way, like in order to give women more of an opportunity to compete because we were talking about athletic distances. We probably had fewer women making a men's team, and then they invented it. But I'll look up the invention of softball. Thank you for asking me live on the spot. No, his point is like, why change the ball?

Why change the way you throw it? Yes. Why would they Like, we have basketball. At some level, at some level, the girls have a team and the boys have a team. It's not like the girls,

okay, girls, you're going to play in a court that's like this, and the rules are a little different. And you're going to shoot underhand. And you're going to shoot underhand. Like, no, they just play basketball. It actually was a men's sport, softball. They had an indoor league,

and so they changed how the sport was played and the ball that was used for smaller distances. There you go. And then that kind of was seen. as like more womanly. And so then women were playing baseball for like, and they still do play at the lower

own. Yeah, at lower levels. And there's a professional league now. And there's a professional league. Shout out Monique. So that it just seemed like more of a gender norm thing because underhand seemed more safe even though it's like not that, not that more safe at all. I mean, especially considering you see like Nyja Kennedy, who's the best pitcher right now in the AUSL.

Like if you compare her pitching speed with the like distances between the pitching mound and the plate compared to Araldis Chapman, it's like equivalent based on just like that distance. But it is nuts because I thought about it when I was watching that each year old clip was like, oh yeah, he's not playing against a girl's softball all-star team. He's been against a girls baseball all-star team. And so it was like, what? Do they have softball in Japan if girls play baseball? Probably not. Right. I feel like that's a uniquely American thing, this idea that like, hey, we are, we can't have.

Overhand throw? We can't have our women doing it like that. Like, it's like, it's like the way they sit down. Like, hey, hey, when you sit down, you got to cross your legs because you can't have a woman doing that. Like, is that? Is it like that? You can't go overhand because then we can see your cleavage. You got to go underhand.

But if you throw a first base, you could throw a fear. Softball is. The spirit of competition. breaks through though, Trista, because it's funny, it starts out a slow pitch, presumably, right? But then women say, like, this is undignified and they still threw underhand, but now they throw 100 mile an hour heat underhand. It's funny. Humanity finds a way. Right. Also, in terms of softball in Japan, the country's national team for Japan for softball is number one in the world and they won gold. I'm also reading an article here. I'm also reading an article here. I hear about Title IX that

in 72 when it mandated gender equality, the funding went less into women's baseball than men's baseball at the time, but softball remained available, I guess because of the equivalency, they put softball with other sports in terms of the equivalency on the male side. And so it became more of an option where women's baseball was, I guess, underfunded. It's a little bit confusing. I'm trying to read on it. But it seems as though basically up until the 70s, the prime. decision for women was to continue to play baseball, and then eventually there became a deeper

investment into softball. But I remember, like, we used to play in high school. We had moments where I remember we went on the field and it was like our best hitters trying to hit against the softball team's best pitchers. And they made us look like idiots. And we've all seen the video of Dan trying to hit against a softball pitcher. I mean, he's never looked. You've never seen the video of Dan Levitard. Oh, I'm going to try to find that and get that for our video team because this is one the great moments of Dan Lebitard's athleticism. Wow. Was this DLS era or was... Oh, no. This is Miami Herald era.

Oh, wow. The neighbor's section era. So this is like young brash, Dan, who probably wrote a column about like, oh, I would go yard or something like that. I think he was doing the high school sports report at that time. But by the way, are we... Back to the specific with Ichiro. He is a modern-day Bobby Riggs, right?

But a little more gentlemanly and so it's acceptable. But Bobby Riggs was a villain at the time. Like, how dare you, you old man? challenge the best woman player on the planet to a game of tennis or a match of tennis. Ichero doing this. It's a little weird, no? I know he's 52 and everything. Because it's a high school team.

And he's a legend, too. I think it's like it's cool for the kids. Hey, like, Ichro's going to come pitch. I get it. It's not like a look. Look at my gas. These women are nowhere near as good as I am. I don't think that's the feeling there.

He's throwing them breaking balls and I'm sure he throws high 80s, right? It's a lot. A 57? He's throwing at 17-year-old girl. There's no way. It's ice. I'm an Ichero. He's not a random guy.

He's an easy. One of the great baseball players of all time. I'm a vigorous lovemaker.