The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Local Hour: B***H!!!

Episode Date: March 16, 2026

"You gotta get around more black folks." Dan's inner monologue is incredibly satisfied with the start of the show as Dan pits David Samson and Trysta against each other immediately. It leads to Samson's Top 5 list of the people who have talked to him the worst in his career. Zaslow is living his Heat fandom through his son and shares his Top 5 reasons he hasn't been to a Heat game in years. Plus, it's March Madness, so we celebrate by getting our Looks Like Tournament underway. Today's Cast: Dan, Zaslow, Samson, Chris, Roy, Mike, Trysta Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Come on, heat. Winter is hard, but your groceries don't have to be. This winter, stay warm. Tap the banner to order your groceries online at voila.ca. Enjoy in-store prices without leaving your home. You'll find the same regular prices online as in-store. Many promotions are available both in-store and online, though some may vary. Zaz, do you imagine that after all of the years as a public figure,

going into places where he's meeting people and interacting with people, that David Sampson would be good or bad at social interactions with new people. He should be good. But do you assume he is good? Do you assume, like the rest of you, do you assume that David Sampson can walk into a room and interact with others well? I do. And we're off.

I do. I do assume that because based on what his career was prior to doing what he does now, you have to be able to schmooze. So he doesn't have much of a relationship yet with Trista. He's interacted with her in person next to not at all. And today, upon seeing her, what he says is quite a difference from last night you dressed today in your PJs. Yeah.

And I said, bitch? That is what you said. That was exactly the first word that she said after you said that. And then you react totally. You start backtracking with, what, is that bad? Is that pejorative? I didn't mean anything by it. No, I actually didn't mean.

I thought that you looked great. But last night you were in a gown, and today you are in something far more casual. And it seemed like pajama wear, which, by the way, can be beautiful. He said, oh, I didn't mean that as a pejorative. It's like, bitch, please. PJs is about as much of a pejorative as you can get. And then the thing that was so fucking crazy was, I then was, I need to now put my attention on you and your fit. What a wild departure from the paisley, shiny tucks that you wore that was fabulous to cargo shorts and flip flops with bare feet and I think a tattoo on your foot and some sort of floral button up.

I was ready to go full, full hood. And I was, you know what, this is not, we just got to like, just, okay, I don't know Samson and, like, let's just keep it cute. It is an interesting look. Cam from Modern Family up top. Dave Matthews band concert going on the bottom. Your cameras are from the mid-range up. I could be in my skivies.

It wouldn't matter. Except for that we have people pointing out what we're wearing on the bottom. I was referring to the top. Put it on the poll, please, Juju, at Lebitard Show. Do you know anyone under the age of 100 who refers to undergarments as skivies? Spectacular start. Ain't that the truth? This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugats podcast.

That was a lot of fun last night, but we're wearing it today, and we'll wear it all week when we do those Sunday night shows generally by Thursday were slurring. Me, most of all. Tony. We are all slurring. Tony is out sick. He won't be slurring because he just took the next day off. All of a sudden, he was fine last night, but he's sick this morning. He sounded bad yesterday.

Well, but you sound bad as the inner monologue sounds like it's got a cold. I'm playing hurt, but I'm here. I come here, man. You're playing hurt. You left the show 45 minutes in last night with stomach. issues. A lot of people were suggesting that my popcorn made people sick, which I object to, Trista. Trista is given no greater compliment around here in the time that she's been here than saluting the popcorn. She does not believe it made anybody sick. I also think if anybody's slandering the popcorn, it's because very clearly, the popcorn's coming from a bag. If you made the popcorn fresh, put some butter instead of coconut oil and then mix the hot butter with the

seasoning that you concocted in a great and culinary way. I mean, we are talking about a hundred out of a hundred. Yeah, I like your popcorn, but I wasn't going to have any because I knew intake would just be a bad idea for me yesterday. 45 minutes, man, you have a weird relationship with time. I think that Tony's sulking. You lose two one. He was all about... Because he jinxed, DR, yeah. Well, we're going to talk about the way that game ended because I understand why the Dominican Republic is mad. Mason Miller's hard enough to hit without giving him strikes that aren't strikes when he'd come into the performance last night having struck out 19 of the previous 20 batters because nobody can hit him because he throws the ball harder than anybody in the history

of Major League Baseball, right? Like this, this is the hardest thrower there has ever been in big league history. You can hit velocity. It's the sort of knockout slider. Well, you say you can hit velocity, but yes or no, he throws harder than anyone has ever thrown a baseball. I don't think that's right, but he has great velocity, but he's not Sid Finch or anything. Harder than Nolan Ryan? Sid Finch was fictional, and yes, harder than Nolan Ryan, because he throws 105, and that's not something that any other human being has been able to do. We'll get to that game in a second. Or all this Chapman? He's the only one who would be close, and if you looked it up, you you could find fastest baseball's ever thrown, and it'll be either this guy or Chapman.

Or Nolan Ryan. It's not going to be Nolan Ryan. Give I show speed three weeks. But the first thing that I want to do is I want to point out that David Samson said hello to Trista in a unpleasant way today. She reacted by saying to him, bitch, in a tone I hadn't quite heard from a human being before because it was loaded. It had an undercurrent of acid on it. Like I have it the way that you said to her, you said she was wearing PJs,

she came back at you with something that was like, it came from hell. It was not pleasant. It came from underneath her, then came through her. And she said, bitch to you in a way that frightened me. It was a threat. Yeah. I mean, it's one of those things that you don't. It just pops out of me.

And I've tried my whole career to keep that inside. But that's living as an undercurrent, that whatever that is. at all time, so just be advised. But you also did something, right? You explained to him, as if you were on the red carpet, you explained to him what you're presently wearing. Who, you acted as if he had asked you, tell me about your designer,

because you immediately went into Adidas wear and what it is that you were wearing that you're hipper than what he wears. Yeah, this is a Farm Rio Adidas collaboration. That's a track pant. And this is a flage graphic tea to give some shine to the lady. tournament since it was all hell breaking loose by the time my top five list came down and I think

that part was a train wreck so this is just an homage. Yeah, what are you giving shine to, huh? I'm just telling her that I thought that from last night to this morning and I'm sorry, I'm trying to be better. I am trying to be better. I have not been spoken to that way by anyone and I don't mean whatever I've done for a living. I mean like anyone, like at the height of bowling to the height of running to Major League Baseball team. That tone. Kind of turned him on. Not a kid, not a parent, not an ex-wife. No one's talked to you like that ever. That tone?

I've never heard anyone talk to me. You got to get around more black folks. Girardi must have. Bobby Valentine for sure. Girardi did it like day one. You're missing the difference. I'm not saying that I have not been spoken down to. I'm not saying that I've not been absolutely mistreated.

I'm talking about the tone of the word bitch. I never heard it said that way before. Can you put together a top five people in baseball that have called you that word? Bitch that way? Not that way, but just that way. Put together a top five list. Pearl that insult at you. Maybe not that insult, but just who have talked to you the worst from bottom to top.

Five people in baseball must have called him that word. We will. Beyond my back maybe, but not to me. Okay, put together a top five list for us here. Zazlo went to the wrong heat game with his. son. The Magic own the Heat the way that the Knicks own the Raptors. Oh, and five?

Yeah. Oh, and five. Yeah, they can't beat a younger, longer team, even if it doesn't have one of its better players. Orlando's going to be a problem for them, period, because it's not like the Heat didn't play their guys in that game. They didn't have Wiggins, but they had everybody else. Yeah, they were, they had

Owen Hero for the first time in, like, weeks. I had, we had fun, all right? The game got close. The heat were down double figures the whole night. It's only his second heat game I've been to in several years. And there's a myriad of reasons why, but my younger son, my 14-year-old Jordan, is really into the heat now. And especially, not that it's like all of a sudden over the last few days, but the bam at a bio performance last week, he is like obsessed now. All right. And so we went to the game Saturday. And it was fun. And the heat made it close late. So that was cool. How's uptown Dale doing? He wasn't there,

actually, to be honest with you. Why are you assuming that he sits in Uptown? No, I mean, Dan, you're showing you're I mean, Uptown Dale's all around. Once the last time you went to a heat game? Uptown Dale, he's a man of the people. Okay. But when's the last time?

Same question. Yeah, same question. Six weeks ago. So I had a very interesting experience at the Heat Games Saturday night because I realized, oh my God, I'm bringing myself to Heat Games. And I am feeling like my father at Heat Games.

which is a weird experience. Anyone who is a father and you have those moments where, oh, I sound just like my dad. That's really weird. I'm feeling that now because I used to be a maniac at the heat games, especially when I was my son's age when I was 14 years old. It is life and death, a regular season game on a Saturday night. And I'm watching the game with him.

We're there and it's exciting, but I'm just, I'm very calm and I'm watching the game. You're not going to get a reaction to me. I've seen what's in front of me a million times, okay? So, like, I'm enjoying the game, but I'm not getting rowdy or anything. I'm just watching. And my son next me is so into it. And I'm pulling the move. Like, he's angry when they're losing.

And with four minutes off, I'm like, hey, if the heat don't score a couple baskets in a row here, we're going to get out of here, all right? He's like, no, but what if they come back and what if this happens or this? You know, like, all right, well, what if it's three minutes left? They're not the – it's like, no, no. So, like, I'm my father now with the games. You're planning to beat traffic. Yeah.

That's what – all you're doing – Can you put together, for me, please, a top five reasons of the myriad reasons that you're not going to heat games? Okay, I think there's only one. No, I could do that. I think the only reason is pride over not renewing your contract. I can do that, okay. But I'm feeling like my father now at the games, and I'm realizing I'm with me the way that he's behaving at the games. You as a kid?

Yeah, me at his age at 14, you know, where he's angry. but then he's really excited and it's it's altering his mood one way or the other and it was a very interesting experience well what do you say about interesting what what are you trying to cover with that word were you mortified by whenever i'm behaving like my father i don't know how many of you guys have this now i imagine uh i might be the only one uh who's behaving like his father in a way when i see it i'm totally mortified like i i hate that i see it i hate that my wife sees it i hate that my wife sees it i hate that that anybody sees it. How does she know how your father is? Well, she'll point something out to me and then I will say, yeah, my father did that. And so that's how that happens. So, no, I'm not mortified at all.

And although it's a little bit weird when I sound like my father, and certainly at the heat game where, I mean, I would never leave a heat game early when I was a kid. You would have to drag me kicking and screaming, but I'm plotting my exit. That's a little bit weird, all right?

But, no, I enjoyed it very much. I liked that, oh my God, he's behaving the way that I used to behave. This must be how my father felt. I haven't programmed him to be like this. I didn't make either one of my boys huge sports fans. I would like it if they are. I could have, but I didn't. Yeah, like I didn't force any of it on them.

You say that you didn't make this, but you're their environment. Like they're watching you. You're not doing this stuff actively, but you're an insane person. They hear dad in the other room doing a show where it sounds like he's talking to himself for an hour. Zaslo 2.0. That's what they grew up around. Do they call it the Zaslo Mansion? No. That's kind of sad.

Mom, why is dad going into that room for an hour and just talking real loud? And he's not talking to anybody. He closes the door. What's he doing in that room in there? When I do come down from doing my show, if everybody is home, okay, like maybe they didn't have school that day. when I do come down from doing my show, and I do it, you know, in the Zaslo Mansion Network Studios. And when I come out from recording the show, they're like all downstairs, and there'll be like this look on me. Because even though I'm sequestered in another portion of the house, they could hear the entire show.

Do they do things that remind you of yourself? I'm sure it'll be like very clear to them when they start turning into you. Yes. This stick is off. No, my younger one makes fun of me. Like, he'll talk in my voice and he'll make fun of me. Oh, I want to hear that. I want to hear that, too.

Right to your face, disrespectfully, he will do the marbles in the mouth thing. Dad, I'm not clear my room. Well, it's become a pastime in the house. It's the way that my children, my teenage boys and my wife bond, which is them making fun of me. That is a big bonding moment in the home. I think that's true of every dad in every home. I think that that is a universal thing that happens. No, there's fear. A lot of homes, there's fear.

Hey, Dad, can I stay up late? I will say the, you know what, let me take it back because I made it too absolute. In the homes that have functional relationships that are loving, I feel like everyone turns on the dad to make fun of him. Have you seen the Manistphere, Doc? The dad's not around. I did see that, and I was mortified by that as well. While I'm watching that documentary, I'm saying to myself, huh, that's how I got left behind for, 15 years on what a generation of kids became to vote for Trump. That's exactly how it happened. Watching something that I did not have access to on the internet. Boys trying to teach boys how to

be men and getting it all wrong. That documentary was, that guy only makes, throws his name, right? He only makes good documentaries. He did the Scientology documentary. I urge you to watch it if you have not seen it. It's just about the manosphere. Hello, friends, hello listeners. I want to talk to you about Chime, because Chime is changing the way people bank, and honestly, it just makes sense. This is fee-free, smarter banking built for regular people like you and me, not old-school banks charging overdraft and monthly fees just for trying to get through the week. This is banking that actually feels like it's on your side, which is very, very important. Chime isn't just another app. They unlock

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Yeah. Stugats. You think you're big time? But you're going to die. Big time. On my infamous scale of one to ten, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, 7.6. Solid.

Good job, Dad. That's a sui nominee right there. This is the Dan Levitar show with the Stugats. I want to get to these top five lists, though, because Trista's got one as well in honor of the tournament. And we've got our looks-like game to introduce. We're bringing it back here. Dave Damashek is the voice of this year's tournament,

and I want to do this now, the March Sadness Tournament, Before we get to the top five of David's people who have called him bitch and Zaslow's top five on reasons, myriad reasons that he has only gone to two heat games in several years and Trist is top five on games to watch in this tournament. We begin our looks like tournament with the play-in games, which are tomorrow night, 6.40 p.m. in the Midwest region, number 16, How, is represented by. Adam Silver looks like the last lollipop in the jar at the doctor's office. That is true.

Adam Silver has still perpetually a ton of teams in this tournament. UMBC is also from the Adam Silver Conference, also a 16 seed in the play-in game. Adam Silver looks like a magician's wand. So we'll see which of those gets into the big dance. In the West Region, Tuesday, you've got NC State at, of a weak ACC, top heavy ACC, but an otherwise weak ACC, NC State,

is represented by... Adam Silver looks like the four-star general in a post-apocalyptic movie, faced with the daunting reality of an alien invasion, and the likely end of humanity as we know it, who says staring off into the distance, they're already here. We're

the aliens now. That is facing number 11, Texas. Adam Silver looks like an Apple Watch charger. represented by Adam Silver I think we can do it I think we can do the whole tournament

on just Adam Silver's it would be funny if we did it that way let's get to the top five of David Samson on top five people who have talked the worst to him in his baseball career or otherwise any OLLI are you starting with number five I'm going right to number five Matt Sosnik

Matt Sosnik had a bunch of our players He's an agent. Don Trell Willis and Ricky Nalasco, and he would make his players tattoo his name on them. Get out of here. So if you look at... That can't be true. It's okay. No, I mean, I believe you, but that's true.

Wild. Go ask Don Trow whether he has a tattoo of Matt Sosnik. And the answer is, yes. Of his name? Of his picture? No, name. Yes. Like he brands his clients.

It's something. It's something. I'm paying you 7% of my salary. I got to tattoo your name. on myself? No. It's an outrage. So, we would not give Don Trell what Don Trell wanted as a first-time arbitration eligible player. He was good, as you remember, a World Series, et cetera, et cetera. And he took it very personally. He was not a very experienced agent. He had a bunch of young guys. He had Scott Olson. Remember him? A sweaty guy. And he basically impugned any knowledge I had

on the arbitration system, and we took him down. But he was unbelievably rude and ridiculous. His name is Matt Sosnik. Number four. Jeff Torborg. An otherwise nice man, otherwise very polite and professional. Jeff Torborg? The financier? Nor professional.

Is he still with us? No. But I said this when he was alive. Jeff Torborg was a difficult manager, and we were very happy when we were able to let him go. There is a documentary about his life that's interesting, no question about it, but just not nice. It was his way or the highway. His son was a wrestler. his son and was a wrestler, his son did the documentary actually. Dale, we had to hire his son,

his other son to do arbitration, which we got around and never did. Anyway, it didn't work out, and he attacked us. He's a mean mofo. I have, I've really nothing to add on him, but the arbitration process, I feel like just kind of scummy by nature. We'd love to get rid of it. The players won't. So that's one of the great misunderstandings in collective bargaining is that every year the owners say let's get rid of arbitration. Every year the players say we want it. There's no way that you can come back from arbitration and feel good feelings, right? Like how long does it take for people to start feeling like okay about one another after you've just sullied the reputation? It's hours of your employer telling you why you don't deserve as much money as you think you deserve.

It's been great. I've met players in arbitration for the first time. I've passed notes back and forth to players during arbitration. There's a lot of love. It's not what people say. Corbyn Burns is the only player I know who's such a wussy who says, oh, I feel so hurt that the Brewers said this about me. It's the process, dude. Like, shut up.

But it's the process and it's inhumane and cold and hurts. Then get rid of it. Okay, but, okay. But it hurts. It pays a lot of money to players. Hey, would you do an arbitration here? I'm just asking, would you sit before a panel? That'd be terrible. If you had a chance to argue your merits

to get a raise to 5x what you're being paid now. Would you allow them to tell you that you're late? No, I don't, I don't want to do that because a lot of what I bring to the table is my tone of voice and my bitches and my little witty banter and that's very hard to express how much value that brings to a broadcast.

You need better representation. Number three. Number three, Bud Seelig. Bud Seelig is still with us. But man, he is very direct, and I will never forget the day that he called and asked me why there was a hurricane in Miami. That he blamed the Marlins for a hurricane in Miami. What? Yeah, that's a true story.

We were putting shutters up, and he wanted to know why we were not playing a game. Number two. Joe Girardi. He's just a, he's an absolute bastard. He knows it. Everyone knows it who has ever played with him. They can deny it all they want. They know exactly who he was and what kind of person, the things that he would say that were so disrespectful that he makes you, Trista, look like, you know, Lady Die.

Like what? Lady Die. No, like what would he say? I thought you were telling her, hey, Lady, die. Number one. Number one is Jerry Reinsdorf. Jerry Reinsdorf came up to me at the Hall of Fame this past July. I was with my son.

And back when life was perfect for me. and he comes up and he looks at my son who is a Wall Street banker and says, I'm so sorry, that's your dad. Right to my son. Cheever doesn't make the list? No, he's not worthy of. He's not easy. I would never.

I'm sorry you even brought him up. Zazlo, do you have in front of you your top five reasons, myriad reasons that you haven't been to but a couple of heat games in the last few years? I do. I have. Any O-L-I? Yes. Okay.

What's the OLI? OLI. I've seen it all. I was on the broadcast for 12 years. I've been through all of the good times. It's never going to get better than what I actually saw. That's OLA. Number five.

Number five. The regular season in the NBA last year stinks. Let's be honest. Number four. I live in Cooper City. I'm right by the sawgrass. The Florida Panthers are super. so much closer.

Number three, the traffic here in downtown Miami. I didn't know because for all 12 of those years I was on the heat broadcast, I would arrive hours before the game. And then when I wasn't on the broadcast anymore, I was like, this is what everyone goes through? Zazel, do you know what they're pantomiming to you in the other room? Dance with me, Zazz. Because you've got to dance with the fan for music.

You give it to them quick. You say what the number is. you don't keep talking. You give him a couple of words on what the number is and then you let him hit the fanfare and then you elaborate. I thought you were a professional. I thought you'd seen it all. Number two. Seeing certain people. See the difference? Do you see how much better that works when you dance with Chris Cody and you don't make him sit there and try and drag you around while you're stepping on both of his feet? Seeing certain people.

I'm not trying to see everybody. I'm trying to see like regular fans, that's for sure. But, you know, people who worked there, maybe that I worked with, not trying to see certain people. Enemies? Would you call them enemies? No, but it's just like I don't really want to be around media people, you know, from down here so much anymore. Because I kind of feel like I was... You're above them?

No, no, I don't feel that I'm above them. No, no, that's not that at all. But like, I don't know, it's like, hey, there's Zaslo. You know, remember he used to work here and now he doesn't. Now he's in a big show like Dan Leviton. Well, that's how I should feel, but that is not how I do feel. We know who you're talking about. Yeah.

Yep. Really? Yeah. I don't like them either. I'm not sure that I know who you're referencing. It's all right. All right. You'll tell me later. Number one.

That's great for the show. Who are you talking about? Say names. So tell me now. Who you're talking about? Nah. Well, number one? I'm old and I'm tired.

I mean, it's really as simple as that. I'm old and I'm tired. I mean, come on. Do I want to go out? Wednesday night now. You're also working a lot. Yes. You're always in a room in your house shouting, mortifying your family so that when you come downstairs, they're

doing impersonations of you and how you sound in that room. I look forward to my evenings. I really do. I look forward to my evenings at home. I just relax. I watch the games. Don't want to go out? Yeah, not as much. Get you old. Put it on the poll. At Lebitard

show. Is the first sign that you're getting old that you look forward to your evenings alone at home at night? Just calling them evenings is... Yeah, I'll put it on the poll as well. At Levitart Show is the first sign you're getting old that you call them evenings at Levitart. And look, I don't think I look that old because I got a Benjamin Buttons thing going on here,

but like, I feel, I feel tired. I don't know how old you are. Well, honest, huh? Benjamin, I don't think he looks young. When you say, I don't know exactly how old he is, I'd guess mid-40s, but I don't think he looks younger than his age. I don't look at him and say, there's youth personified. But I look younger than I did maybe a few years ago.

Well, that's morning radio, though. Morning radio makes you, the way that you grade, you grade more than Obama in the White House. I gave years to that radio station. No, Zaz found the secret to aging very early on. At 20, he looked 45. Yeah. You looked like Kansas State football coach Bill Snyder. Whoa!

When you were 25 years old. former Kansas State football coach. After 19 years, they're back. Frankie Munes, Brian Cranston, and the rest of the family reunite in Malcolm in the middle, life's still unfair. After 10 years avoiding them, how and lowest demand Malcolm be at their anniversary party,

pulling him straight back into their chaos. Malcolm in the middle, life's still unfair. A special four-part event, streaming April 10th on Hulu on Disney Plus. Don Libetard. Oh, I like firing people. So I take the opportunity to fire whenever I possibly can because I can use it as a learning experience for them and try to help them out and try to point out what they did wrong. But in this case, the employee was enough levels below where I was that I did not do the firing, but I had it done within moments of discovery.

I love me. I like firing people. It's just absurd. It's absurd. Stugats. I'm talking about people who I fire. who deserve it, who have done something that actively requires me to fire them, it is my unadulterated pleasure to do so.

This is the Dan Levitar show with the Stugats. Before I get to Trista's top five on games you need to watch for in the tournament, I want to go back to our looks like tournament here, and I want to go to the South Region and just get through some of these play-in games before they get played. Lehigh is also a 16 seed, and Lehi is. represented by. Kurt Signetti looks like the dad that never says I love you. That is facing number 16 prayer review, which is represented by. Kurt Signetti looks like your accountant who,

unbeknownst to you, is in the middle of a crippling divorce. Cripling. Cripling. Cripling's a good word there. It's the key to the joke. Wednesday has what used to be the undefeated Miami of Ohio program before they lost immediately first game of the tournament. They have an undefeated regular season and then they play in their stinky little tournament and they lose the first game to UMass. That is represented by Jonathan Zazlo looks like the guy in an arcade who puts a stack of quarters on the Pac-Man game to send a message to any kids that he's going to be there a while. That's facing Zaslo's had a big tournament. The Zaslo Conference is strong in this tournament. That's facing number 11 SMU represented by Bruce Pearl looks like the nightclub manager that is a $100 bottle special before

midnight. Isn't that the truth? That is unbelievable. How Bruce Pearl prowls a nightclub after 1 a.m. How many girls he got with you? None? That's all right. Zadzlo, how did you feel as a heat fan about the fact that late in this season as teams are trying to get everything together before they play in the playoffs? Orlando looks a lot like the team we expected to see before the season, even if they don't have their best players. Orlando was expected to be a top three east in the team after getting dead. Desmond Bain. Suggs is back and he's playing for them.

He's an important piece for them and they're playing better. They came in on a six-game winning streak. The heat had beaten a lot of bad teams. The heat schedule got difficult with Orlando. They've got seven tough games in a row. Mike does not believe in this heat team. Jeremy says we need to apologize to him after the 83-point Bam out of Bio performance. Where are you on this heat team after losing that home game to a team that has owned you this season?

Yeah, I think if they finish. fifth or sixth. Right now they're seventh after that loss. They're two games back of now Orlando. I think if they finish fifth or six, they have an opportunity to have a fun first round series. Did you just burp? Was that last night's food that you just burped up there? It looked like a stifling

of a burp. Yeah, like I held it in. It was almost the Stan Van Gundy. I call it the Stan van Gundy, like mid-sentence. Yeah. You know, Grigman Roe. Yeah, I held that in, baby. If the heat get up to five or six, they have a chance for a fun first round series, I believe. If they say it's seven, you know, I got to endure

another season where they get their shit kicked in by Boston, you know, so I'm not looking forward to that, but you're right, they have an incredibly tough stretch coming up where we'll go learn, we'll go learn a little bit about this team right now. Was this a mirage you know, this seven-game win streak? We're going to learn. Who are they not

going to get the shit kicked out of by? They would have a good series to think about Cleveland, despite what happened last year. Really? You think so? Wow. Last year they literally were on the receiving end of the most lopsided first round matchup ever. I think the heater better. I don't think Cleveland's is good.

Well, let me just. Cleveland was number one last year. Okay, Cleveland was number one last year and won the final playoff game by 60 points. It was by empirically, it was the worst ass kicking there's ever been in a playoff series. They've added James Hardin and you think the Gulf has been closed? Yeah. Yeah, I think the heater better than they were last year. He's missing Ty, Caves are missing Ty Jerome.

and so the calves gotten worse? How have the calves gotten worse? Well, they were number one last year. They haven't been close to that team at any point this season. Don't you think the East has also gotten better? I mean, maybe. Okay. All right, like, you're entitled to your opinion.

And I think they could have a little bit of fun with New York, too. Let's say they'd be either of these teams. I do think the Nick series could be fun in that, like, you'll get two and they'll panic. Can they grab two games all of them? Yeah, I think so. Games like Saturday are exactly why I'm exhausted by like the whole heat discourse because like you're going to it's an NBA regular season it's the Miami heat they care they'll go through these stretches where they'll beat a Houston and you'll be like man when we play our best

game we can beat anybody that's typically basketball but you met basically what is your ceiling on Saturday losing to a team like the Orlando magic we move on I think you're overreacting losing their season series 5-0 losing at home on a random Saturday night as we are in the middle you think I'm overreacting I'm just like that's really like that's That to me is what this season is, and I'm writing it out to the off season where hopefully we can get a whale. And everything else, every other conversation that we've had on this is basically performative. I'm just so over it. That's where we are.

Well, if it's performative, I'm just helping Zaz here because I believe that he is hoping. Minor penalty, two minutes for explaining the show. Okay. Wow. I guess. Tell him the truth. Wait. How was that explaining the show?

He's saying all his other conversations are performative. No, I was accusing others. Okay, I'll go. So I want to just help Zaz get through days like this because when you lose 05 to a team, let's say they play the magic in the playoffs, that will be very much a media story, what the season series is.

They'll often go like, in the last 10 years, they've lost to that team in the playoffs four times. It doesn't mean anything to the players. Now, they've got to match a problem. with Orlando. I don't... Because Orlando's good. All the games have been single-digit losses. No, but it's not just Orlando's good. If you've been watching Toronto and New York play, if those teams face each other in the playoffs, Toronto has zero chance to beat the Knicks. They cannot do it. There will be no circumstance under which they beat the Knicks. And similarly,

the magic have the heat that way. Their length... The bad Wagner is somebody who still dominates them down low. It's a match-up problem. They don't want this team. The heat have a better record against the Thunder and Pistons. year than the magic do. The magic haven't been very good. They added Desmond Bain and they still can't shoot threes. They're supposed to be able to shoot threes. The thing that undid them last year is that they can't shoot threes. But Trista, you can speak to this. The magic were supposed to be this this year and the heat have regressed to a point where they are behind the magic, in the standings and in other ways. Yeah, I think that this magic team is flawed offensively and we've seen this. Like you said,

Last year, the three-point problem was plaguing them. But remember, two years ago in the playoffs, when we were getting 89, 91 games between the magic and the calves in the first round. That was a great win. That was a great series, right? We loved that, like old school hoops, vintage. No, I think that this magic team, no matter who you get, you get Desmond Bain, bad three-point shooting team. You get Cantavius Caldwell Pope. All of a sudden, he sucks, and the three-point shooting has continued to be a problem.

I just think Paolo and Franz are not able to play together. Paolo is not really one of those players that I think is a true point forward. He can't shoot. He can't create his own shot. So until they break those two up, I think the magic are going to be a problem as a contender. But yeah, I think they're physical. They're bruisers. They're defensively going to get up in you.

And I think that's obviously a problem for the heat. I'm going to open myself up to you again. Uh-oh. It's going to be me. I think when you give a score, it's always the higher number first. And I've had people in my life who have dropped a, yeah, the final score of the game was four to six. No, no, that's not the final score. That does make me nuts.

It's six to four. I'm with you on that. I think she did that because she forgot what the other score was. I think she said 89 first, not because she says the lower score first. I feel like maybe she thought that maybe that was the higher score. You've heard people do that. You know, I thought I was like 89, 87. I don't think that's what it was.

That's what I thought happened. Yeah. So I give her a pass on that one. I want to give you a pass and you've got the pass. It's a good call out though in general. I agree with David. I agree with that. In general, I agree very much of that.

I think you should be taught that. It's in the handbook of parenting because even a non... I'm getting to it, David. There's a lot to cover. There's a lot to cover, but you got plenty of time, hopefully. Put it on the poll. Should it be in the handbook of parenting that when you give a score, the higher score comes first at Lebitard show? The answer to that is definite.

what is that a detail of the parenting handbook is that the team on the bottom of the graphic is the old team or the team on the right. Not in European soccer. No, European soccer. No, but this is the United States. I don't think you can Lord's time zone the global game. Before we move on. The United States is such a Zaz and David perspective. You don't teach your kid how to know what teams at home?

The two of them. And then I say, but it's different in soccer. That's always like the footnote to it. Okay, I've never said that, but I guess I could. But that is because you and Zaslow are myopically United States, the idea that soccer or Europe would do it differently. You reject that as a premise. You reject the idea that it can be done any differently by anyone than it is by the best, by America. I used to know by uniform color.

It used to be you're in the whites. you're at home. Yep. Now, and in football, you're in the darts, you're at home. You're at home. And all of a sudden, you don't know what the hell is going on. And you can't tell from the court, for sure as hell. How is white not always home?

White should always be home. American football. Colors are on the road. Always. White's at home. Before we move too far away from the Orlando Magic, can we relive Dan's expectations for them? Orlando was expected to be a top three East in the team. I mean, he had Bain is the third best.

player. Wagner's been out too long. Bain is the second best player that changes the data points. Well, based on what Trist is saying, she's just saying that Wagner and Boncaro can't play together, that they just simply can't be together. Is it because they're just always hurt and never on the floor together? No, that's not what she meant. No, no, that's not what I meant at all.

I think you were in the penalty box, so your brain got scrambled. But I don't think those two play styles match with one another because they're wings that want to be guards and they're not very good facsimile of it. guards and when you have them both on the floor at the same time, they're actually probably better as a team when only one of them is playing, which is kind of what happened last year when you had all of those injuries rack up and they still stacked up wins. That one makes me crazy because there are teams in the league where adding the better player doesn't make you better. And Norm Powell and Tyler Hero have the same skill set.

They're the same statistically. So you can play them instead of of each other, but you can't play them together. Mike, you know I have one rule to live by, right? Don't place parlayes on multiple long shots. Don't say a game is one when it hasn't hit, triple zero. Always drink your Yeagermeister ice cold.

That's the rule. Everything else is merely a suggestion. Everything else? Everything else. Wearing clean, underwear every day. Well, that's just a personal decision. Brushing your teeth? Obviously smart, but not a rule. Never pee on an electric fence. Okay, maybe there are two rules. But the one that

100% that I insist on completely. Yeagermeister must be drank ice cold. Or don't drink it at all. Damn, that's cold. Exactly. You're finally starting to get it. Drink responsibly. Yeagermeister liqueur 35% alcohol by volume imported by mass Yeagermeister U.S. White Plains, New York.