The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Local Hour: Dan Le Batard Wears Fake Glasses

Episode Date: July 8, 2024

Today's cast: Pablo Torre, Domonique Foxworth, David Samson, Billy Gil, Charlie Kravitz, Jessica Smetana, and Lucy Rohden. Pablo, Domonique, and David are in the main studio today. Which one of them had the biggest ego and forced his way into the "Dan" seat? As we sort through the relationship dynamics in the studio, there is a discovery made about Dan's glasses that were left on the desk. Then, David shares a worried email he received from Dan, Jessica does her own show in Domonique's ear (or was it Lucy?), Marge Simpson's race is revealed, and a debate breaks out on the merits of using intelligence for crime. Plus, video from a lemonade-induced vomiting at the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest reminds David of the time he fired a Marlins bat boy for chugging milk. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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In your face, Dominique. Stop it, man. The insecurity is oozing, man. Stop it. I apologize. I didn't realize that I was going gonna be this goddamn handsome this morning. Some mornings I wake up and I look like a normal guy but I walked in here and I felt the insecurity just seeping out of it.

Is that your good chain? Is that, it's sort of a refracting light? No, no, no, no, I don't have a good chain. This chain was $130 but it looks like a million bucks on me cause I got great pecs and abs. Frankie does, for the record, have a gun at the security desk. So you're good. You don't need to lie to us about how much you changed for us.

It's not that expensive. It's important to note Frankie's the security guard, not just someone walking around with a gun. I can't be sure that there's not another guy named Frankie with a gun, but we have a Frankie with a gun. Samson's also here. What is the material of your shirt? I didn't get a chance to say hi to you in that way this honor It's a sex appeal. I'm not familiar with what material is it like the notice that that's the material

It's an actual material called sex appeal. Yeah, is that your cologne or your material? No, it's the material It's a fabric that I created David's wearing a polo David looks like a retired umpire. It's not the personal polo. No, I think it's the shorts more than the polo. The shorts and the belt combo, you look like you would like to say, you're out of here. Are you not going to mention the thongs?

Oh, sexy. He came sexy today. We're in Florida in the middle of summer helping out Levitard. Toes out. You can expect I'm not wearing either pants or closed toe shoes. No, the issue is I have on shorts too. I wasn't knocking you for wearing shorts.

It's the 90s ass shorts that you got on. Like they stopped making those shorts in the 90s. Wait, what kind of shorts? They're brand new. As Chris, Cody would tell you. They're actually brand new and you all know them. I believe they first got made fun of, not by you.

They've been made fun of before. You may recall these shorts from the last time David Samson was harassed for these shorts. You gotta raise them things up to the rafters, man. No, they're my special, we'll never get pickpocketed shorts. Have you not heard about these shorts? Oh, they have, there's like a spot for everything

and you know, it makes you feel safe. Like no one's gonna pickpocket you. His shorts have a- You can't, it's all backwards. All the zippers are backwards. Has, okay. His shorts have a panic room. That's exactly right.

Have you ever been pickpocketed? No, that's the whole, of course. But do you go to places that would pickpocket you? Anyplace. I assume- Anyplace in Europe? Really? Have you ever been to Europe? I agree that, well we're not there now.

Ever been to New Orleans? Ever been to the Elstor lobby? Pickpocketing happens, but it's never happened to me, so I don't feel like I need special pants to protect me from it. Have you guys been pickpocketed? Billy? No.

Lucy, Jess? Jess is vigorously nodding her head. I got my phone stolen out of my purse at a nightclub in Scottsdale on New Year's Eve once before the fiesta bowl. If you had my shorts on, you'd still have your phone. I had a purse, it was zipped up in my purse. You said you were in a club.

If you had those shorts on, they would not let you in. Hold on a second. Also true. This was New Year's Eve? Yes. Was there any consumption that day? No, of course not. Cause like, I wonder what percentage of pickpockets is people just lost their stuff

and they don't remember where they put it. Are you victim blaming Jess? I'm not, I'm not doing that. I would not do that. This is how I know I didn't just like drop it somewhere. My friend also had her phone stolen out of her purse and then we went to the security people at the club and we were Like hey did anyone turn in missing phones and they were like you're like the 30th person to say that you lost your phone

And I was like, maybe you guys should do something about the ice then So there was someone just that went into the club that night and just took a bunch of people's phones so You tried to like assert your dominance of the show. You tried to grab. I did, successfully. I mean, but you didn't. This is what dominance looks like. Listen, listen.

The only person you acknowledged. No it doesn't. The only person you acknowledged was me. You didn't even tell anyone David Sampson was here. I did, I said also Sampson's here. You didn't. That came a couple minutes in. You didn't paint the picture for everyone

in the shipping container. Like it's okay. Let's take a deep breath. All right. All right hold on Let's think I make you nervous. We work together so long So well together and you normally like you got to a point where you were comfortable around me You didn't feel intimidated or insecure, but you're flashing back, and I don't like it. I found Dan's glasses there you go Let's shift it to Dan's glasses Dan still want to see dominance not

Dan's in Africa telling Valerie someone pickpocketed his glasses I'm gonna posit a theory. Okay. I just found out something. I think these glasses are purely cosmetic really I don't think there's any like actually I see them immediately Basically, are they reading glasses? They bet the ice in the room I see them immediately. Basically. Are they reading glasses? They bet, I assume they're reading. They've got food on them.

I think they're just goggles to protect them when he's eating. David's trying not to confirm what you said. They're blue light. Oh. It can't be that he's doing it only for cosmetics. What's wrong, hold on. Why not?

Wait, do you have a pair of blue glasses? Why do I, yeah, that's the same thing. I'm with you, Luz. I mean, Jess, why hold on. Why not? What's wrong with Dan? What's wrong with Dan? Yeah, that's the same thing. I'm with you, Luz. I mean, Jess, why are we against looking at you? Oh, they all look the same. They all look the same. Oh, I'm sorry. All right.

Now I'm insecure. I'm going to glass shame. Those are fake glasses? Those are fake glasses. They're definitely blue light. I don't know. Which blue light glasses are good for you. Do you think that Dan looks better in them?

Then they aren't fake if they help him look any bit better than their real glass But why does he use them when he's pretending to read something? It's not what glasses are for is he reading it on his phone That's not what they're for for you have a formative reader in a show where I try not to pay attention during the show I gotta be honest with you know about that I don't like when people wear fake glasses. Because I feel like as someone who's awkwardly handicapped, you're making fun of me. Yeah, your culture is not our costume.

I mean, it is. If I put them on, then I look great in them. It's pretty good look for you, Dominique. They don't look good. They're slanted. Dan's head is bigger than yours. And I don't mean that in any other way other than actual size. I what other oh yeah Thank you. What do you mean? There's the whole other side Charlie Kravitz is here too my dog hey guys What's your take on the glasses situation Charlie I

Don't know if I have a take on the glasses situation, although it's, I will say, zero percent surprising that Dan wears fake glasses. That's a take. So Dan was produced by Charlie, unhighly questionable for years. Kravitz has seen a lot of things. He's seen the inside of many rooms

that few others have gained access to. I saw him, I saw the beginning of the fake glasses when he claimed he couldn't read the teleprompter on Highly Questionable. And he started doing the fake glasses to read bumps before the show. Wait. Yeah.

What? Is this like a placebo thing? Like he said he couldn't see the prompter and they gave him fake glasses and he's like this is fake? I don't know. One day he just came with glasses. This can't be real. they're not fake glasses. All right, this is an investigation now.

This could be a fake. Find out Pablo. This is an episode of my show, we're gonna put a pin in this. By the way, when I sat down here, I know Dominique also clocked what had happened, but David goes to me and says, I just got an email from Dan.

And I said, David, is this something that we should talk about? And David looked sort of white with fear, whiter with fear. Thank you. I'm actually not that white right now, it's summer. There is a thing with Dan when he's not here. And I think that you're all very aware of it.

I don't know that he contacts you all. Pink is. But it's a, he is paying attention to the show. He's supposed to be away now. Seashell. Are we still talking about, oh you're talking about the color of your shirt or my skin? Both.

David, do you wear sunscreen every day? This is a huge debate before the show. When I'm, only when I'm sitting outside in the sun. So not for just everyday chores. Correct. Okay. Does anybody? Everybody else does.

Yeah, Billy feels like he's on an island because in the pre-show, we mostly talked about who's wearing sunscreen and everybody behind that side of the glass, except for Billy, is protected. Well, no, because this is what happened, is I said that I go to the dermatologist. We were talking about lies and people that you lie to,

whether you're going out and then, you know, if we get to it, we get to it, but people that lie to their doctor. Have you ever smoked? Yeah, stuff like that. Like you lie to your doctor about your own health situations out of pride, right? So then I was saying saying like at the dentist,

if they say like, do you floss, the lie that I've perfected is not as often as I should. Right, that's what I say for everything, because it's not a lie. It's probably not a lie. It's not a lie, right? That's just, it covers it, and then my soul doesn't feel like I'm lying to someone.

I'm just saying not as often as I should. So I say that to my dermatologist when they're like, do you wear sunscreen every day? And I'm like, not as often as I should, right? So that's more of a yes or no question. It is, it is, but I get away, when I say it, I get away with it, right? So everyone else, I guess,

puts on sunscreen every day in the back row. I do not, because it's not as often as I should, but they tell me that I should. And then we got into like a whole debate about if sunscreen real, does it cause cancer, is it a hoax, all of that, as one does when you talk about sunscreen. I mean, I don't put sunscreen on every day, but I kind of wear it every day.

Melanin is kind of a bit of a protection against the gods. God sunscreen. Yeah, it is. I know they say that everyone should wear sunscreen, and I put sunscreen on my kids, but. I'm blackening them. You can't laugh at that! Stu Gatz here from my friends over at Simply Safe. Imagine a burglary at your home. If you're picturing a shady character sneaking about under the cloak of night, you may be

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One, two, three, Brett. This is the Don LeBattard show with the Stugats. So Dan emailed you. I love that Billy steered us away from the Dan email conversation only for me to make it uncomfortable enough for Billy to send us back. That's how bad it was that you wanted to get back to a subject which we don't want to get into. Wait, you're saying that I cannot laugh at Dominique's kid's blackness or lack thereof. Is that not a thing I can do? Nope. I don't think you can even ask the question.

I regret asking it. I like this. We're live. So what did the you can even ask the question. I regret asking it. I like this. We're live. So what did the email say? I'm curious. How is this going? He just gets worried when he's not here.

And that worry manifests itself in certain words of instruction and thought that masquerade as inspiration. But in fact are more of, hey, is it gonna fall apart when I'm not there? Dan gives a bad pregame speech. It was not, it was not. I think he's undermining us.

Can I just cut to the chase here? I think he's trying to undermine us. He's trying to shake our confidence. He's trying to prove that no one can host this show. But him. Nah. Did he reach out to either of you? Nah, he knows better.

Nope. So no email, no text, no nothing. I think like two weeks ago he was like, hey, good luck down there, have fun. And you didn't respond? Or just thank you? Nah, I was like, thumbs up. Dominique's also one of the worst texters in human history.

Did you do the actual thumbs up emoji or you just clicked the words and then you hit the thumbs up? I reacted to his message with the thumbs up. I didn't actually go through the process of finding a thumbs up emoji because I do believe that it's too much effort. So you got this email right before the show today? Well, in the middle of the night last night.

When I was in the Alcerc getting ready for shows. I have a little bit of stress about the thumbs up emoji. Why? Because of the different colors of the thumb. I thought so. You can't ask about this, Dave, we just established. Oh no, no, no, we can talk about emoji colors. I mean, you gotta go with the one that represents you,

right, not the person who you're speaking to. Like, that's condescending. I go with generic because I don't want people to think that I'm assuming how, what shade am I? What color is generic, Billy? The preset one, I just go with the preset. Which one is that? Wait, which color is that?

But it turns out that's too white. Wait, why are we guys calling it generic? What color are we talking about? Simpsons. Yes. That's not a... That is the original concept. Look, you guys are avoiding saying the color.

Did you guys know that Marge is black? Marge. She is. It's true. It's true. Marge is black. What is your evidence? Look at all the Simpsons characters in their hair.

You can tell that Lisa and Bart have hair that is a bit curlier than anyone else's hair and any of the white people in the Simpsons. Marge's hair is spiky. No, Marge, yeah, it's spiky. Look at all the other characters in the Simpsons. Do any of them have spiky hair? No.

I thought it was like a beehive. No, now we're talking about Marge. Marge's hair is curly and stands up. White people's hair doesn't do that. Marge is black. Bart is biracial. Told you. You're welcome.

That feels right. It's true. Why wouldn't they have just made her black? Because you guys can't handle that. I mean, it's the truth. Nobody can do that. You want me to make her a shrimp salad pink? I don't do the thumbs up ever.

Why not? Because I'm self-conscious about. So you don't use any of the hand gestures so you don't send anybody a middle finger, a fist? No. I'll do GFY instead of a middle finger. I'll change what color emoji I'm using based on what season it is.

Cause I'm more tan during the summer. Always go with the darkest thumb. I Googled is Marge Simpson black and I'm getting a number of responses here. One says she has French ancestry, the other says she is white passing Creole. Yeah, it's black. Creole is black.

I don't know what that means. Well in order to pass means that you aren't white. So she is white passing Creole. Yeah, it's black. Creole's black. I don't know what that means. Well in order to pass means that you aren't white, so she is white passing Creole. I mean she's black, and it's the French connection being Creole also. She's black. I've never heard this, which is obviously such a white thing,

but I've never heard it. Oh no, it's, I think it's a theory more than it is a factual theory. No, this is definitely a thing that David Sampson should be aware of and tell other people about after the show. This is gonna come up because we have Azaria.

I mean, in theory we could ask him. I don't think Azaria wants to delve into any more racial topics with The Simpsons. Marge is black as Babe Ruth, I promise you. I think I'm gonna say Hartenstein. Whoa. I'm seeing an article here accusing Marge Simpson of appropriating black culture.

That would make her not black. Marge Dolezal. Dan was right. I love Jess. So what was the nature of this email? Oh man, Jess is doing a show just for me guys, and it's pretty hilarious. Not Lucy.

Dan would love the show that I'm doing in 10 minutes here, by the way. I think Dan sends the email to be like, I'm watching, just so you know. I might not actually be watching, but I'm watching. So I take it as though he's not watching, because I'm aware of the time difference where he currently is, and I not actually be watching but I'm watching so I take it as though He's not watching because I'm aware of the time difference where he currently is and I would put it at close to zero

That he's watching. I just said he's not actually watching right I agree with you watching, but what does that mean? That means no it means is he getting scatter reports from is he gonna reach out to people and say how did that go or? Is he gonna look at views or look at numbers? I wanna know how it's gonna manifest itself. He's gonna ask Ryan Cortez, how are the shows? And Cortez is gonna say, David Sampson couldn't stop talking about this stupid email. And Pablo accused me of having fake glasses.

I think that it said something about who he sends the email to. So he had- Because he's worried that I'll derail it. He had a pregame speech with the one player that he's concerned about. I think that we gotta be honest about this. Maybe it's the one person who's up in the middle

of the night who'll respond to him. Is it possible that that's it? Yeah, whatever spin you want, Samson. I don't need spin. I'm just laughing. I love hearing from him, but I can't say it was motivating. Which one of those pockets do you put your confidence in? You might wanna reach in and grab it.

That's front. Ha ha ha. Front, center. Oh, good one. Can't even. Do you know why the zipper goes the other way? So people can unzip it and steal it. Because zippers are a spectrum.

You cannot pickpocket a zipper that goes the other way. So if someone is so skilled that they can unzip my pocket and take my things out of the pocket, they earned it. They deserve it. Don't you have any appreciation for their craft? I do not. I have no appreciation for people who use their intelligence to break laws. See this is now now now, now, now we, oh, ho, ho, ho. Hang on. This is, I don't know we got enough time to get into this one.

So there's a conversation to be had there about opportunity, and there's a conversation to be had with like what is legal and what's not legal and whether people who have power break laws, whether they get convicted of them or not. So like there's a whole different place where Dan probably doesn't want us to go. I'll go everywhere, but I'm referring like people,

How to Rob a Bank is a documentary, if anyone watched it recently. It's quite good on Netflix maybe, and there's a brilliant Harvard educated guy. Why are you pointing at me? Because you rob banks. You're a Harvard educatededucated guy who, if you spent all of your intelligence robbing banks,

I find that to be a waste. Dan accuses me of basically doing that at this company, but I digress. Yes. In terms of people. So I would say a couple things, David. I think people could argue that there are lots of people who you probably respect in revere

that have broken lots of laws. I mean, you could say the foundation of this country was built on breaking laws. It's just really rare to, or it's really odd to put a hard and fast line in saying, I don't respect anyone who breaks laws. There are laws that are- Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

So, I mean, the entire civil rights movement was based on the idea of breaking laws that were unjust. So I think that pointing out that I don't respect anybody with race laws just seems like a little odd because I imagine that there are a confluence of events that have put people in a situation where they feel like they need to pick people's pockets. So I don't think that they woke up

and had every opportunity in the world. I was like, you know what I aspire to be? A fucking pocket picker. Oh wait, Dan did send me an email. He said, make sure, no he said, make, let me read it. Pablo, comma, space, make sure that David doesn't condemn the civil rights movement. Ah, shoot.

Oh, you failed that one. Shoot. I thought we were gonna make it out of the first. I could have said almost anything and he had that ready. No, I did have it ready. It's just a fact of life. No, I think that I'm always-

You think I was referring but to the Civil Rights Movement. You're an idiot, Rob. I was talking about- By the way, the number of people who have gotten in my ear, basically being like David Sampson, man who was investigated for moving a stadium Yeah, is telling people that using intelligence to break laws is the one line

You can't cross I think this because I find and I never been convicted So I have no idea. Why are you looking at me? You could have said that to Pablo. Stop looking at Lucy. There's no way Lucy said that to Pablo. I knew at some point. Why? Because you're way too nice.

You don't know me that well. Nice. But I also didn't say it. I was thinking about the time I got pickpocketed and they stole my wallet and then spent a shit ton of money at Buffalo Wild Wings. And then I was like bank. This wasn't me and they're like that was you Definitely spent that money in Buffalo Wild Wings. I was like no it wasn't and but based off all my previous purchases They were like yeah, that was you so I didn't get the money back

But I'm glad that they like enjoyed a night at Buffalo Wild Wings on my way. Can we take up this cause? Can we vindicate Lucy Rodin for, you know, not actually using that money at Buffalo Wild Wings? That feels like an injustice. No, I think she did it. No, I really didn't do it because one, I was hammered. There's no way I could have gotten to Buffalo Wild Wings. Your Honor.

And so, and I didn't realize, I didn't realize my wallet was stolen till like the next afternoon. I'm siding with the bank. No, no, I think it's, I'm okay, like Buffalo Wild Wings isn't open that late, but they had- Is this how the call went with the people investigating you? Not a great case.

A little bit, but I was like about to throw up and I was like, I did not spend that money on Buffalo Wild Wings. So, but it's okay. They, I'm glad they had a good night. They tried to go to Target later, that didn't work. Which that feels weird, I feel like they would have known that Target also feels like something

they would have been like, you dead. But Buffalo Wild Wings, they were like 100% Lucy, we know you spent the money there. That feels like an impulse robber. Like you should go to Target first, I feel like, get what you maybe wanna keep that won't just be pooped out in a day. But they went with the Wild Wings.

If you sell someone's credit card, do you just make a series of small purchases or do you just go big immediately? The majority use it for things like that. So I got into this with a bank and it's so funny you're mentioning this. I don't understand how they know. When you're at a gas station you've never been at,

my credit card would get flagged, for example. And I would say, well, yeah, because I haven't driven to this part of the country, but I'm here now, don't make me call you every time. But the bank has these algorithms now where they'll say, oh, Lucy doesn't go to that Buffalo Wild Wings, so that we're not giving you credit, or she could have gone to that one, and they like pretend that they know what you're doing,

and I hate it. It's too Orwellian for me. You want to be able to spend money wherever you want without? Yeah, I don't want the credit card company telling me. Surveillance. Right. I don't know how this works, but I've never had this happen before.

Like I've never had, it's happened to my wife, it's happened to people where they reject your card, even though you're trying to use it. It's never happened to me. And maybe it's because I travel enough where I create a situation where like, never know where he's going to be. But I've never had that happened to me. And maybe it's because I travel enough where I create a situation where I never know where he's going to be.

But I've never had that happen to me. And I've lost my credit card in Miami. Like five years ago, I lost my credit card and they went to the liquor store and spent $130. And I had to make a police report and they put me on hold for 30 minutes. And I was like, all right, that's your $130. You guys got it.

Bought you some drinks, had a good night. I'm not about to talk to you. You did the math. Yeah. It's what your time is worth. Lucy spent how much time trying to get Buffalo Wild Wings money back? Probably 30 minutes.

There was a point where I was like, I'm gonna get sick. So it's really just not worth it. Can you hold please? Like I was like, you know what? Can you hold please? I'm out of Buffalo Wild Wings right now. I'm gonna throw up right now. And so I just said, you know what,

if that's what you spent your money on, that's fine. Cause when they tried to spend like $600 at Target, my card was like, hey, I don't think so. But Buffalo Wild Wings, they were like, that's Lucy. That's Lucy for sure. So I just let them have their fun little night. You know, I forgive them. I've moved on, but I am a little hurt by my bank being like,

yeah, you ate there. That's what you were doing. I'm proud of myself that it held off for like 10 minutes before fighting with David Sampson about the hierarchy of society. I made it longer than I thought I would. Congrats. Oh, we're coming back, baby. So the yellow emoji. Howdy y'all, it's Mike. And since the dawn of mankind, we've cooked our food over an open flame and debated the best way to grill. One thing that is not up for debate, grilling and beer always go together. Even I know that, and I'm not the manliest American type, but I know that if I'm grilling

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Go pee pee. This is the Don Lebatard show with the Stugats. Should we discuss the sports that we consider talking about today? David sent some topics in, nobody responded to those topics. Billy sent a text asking for topics. Dominique. Oh no, Charlie and I have a whole other side thing with a bunch of real topics. Charlie made a doc, a secret side doc full of sports topics. I feel like we all need to get on the same page because that's not super helpful.

We, okay. Because like if Pablo doesn't know and David doesn't know, then it's not, they don't know what you want to talk about and then they can't prepare to respond to what you want to talk about. Now Charlie did include us on the doc. Okay. I opened the doc.

Billy, you too. Okay. But not Mayor Lucy, interesting. That's very helpful. Yeah Why did you leave them out? So I think what we need to do is look at the email from Carl and Send that doc to everybody who's gonna be on the show that particular day. I Think that would make the most sense if we could do that going forward that David we agree

So we will do that and I'm, because when I go on this show, I send topics only to the EP and to Dan. Oh, I'm sorry. And you guys never participate in the segment, and now I realize I should be giving you the topics. Yeah. I was trying to go have a good time, Lucy, go see, we're not gonna be too structured.

But if we wanna be organized, we should have the hierarchy in this room properly established. Cause I'm a kind guy, I allow Pablo to sit in the middle. Cause clearly, I'm the star. Yeah, well before the show started, that's kind of what was going on, is figuring out who sat where.

Also I was told that the Google Doc was sent to my ESPN email, which has not been active. It's what auto-populated. For three acted. It's what auto-populated. For three years. It's what auto-populated. That's why that happened. That is perfect. Oh, that sums it up.

I assume that Pablo would be in Dan's chair. But are you saying that that was a discussion pre-show while I was taping Nothing Personal live, that there was a discussion of where people are sitting? Yeah, Pablo came and asked me, like, do you mind if I sit in the middle? That is not what happened. Okay, tell her how you wanna tell it.

I said, I should sit in Dan's chair, and David Sampson coughs all of the time, so he should sit in the other chair that has a cough button. I knew Pablo that you were gonna sit there because you have to do the arm thing. Yeah. Listen, guys, I'm from the wrong side of the tracks. Oh god.

That's all you had? I'm still working on this one more. Also, how predictable was it that Dominique was gonna be fake aggrieved by Pablo sitting in the hosting chair when he had no desire to actually sit there? Oh here it is, Kravitz, yes! Zero desire to actually sit there. This is Charlie's only, Kravitz, yes! Zero desire to sit there. Yes!

This is Charlie's only reason to be here, because he's the only one of you guys not scared enough to challenge me. It is amazing that you came with somebody. Oh, why? I mean, it's great to see Charlie. I mean, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. You come alone?

That is the goal. Yes. Okay. Mostly. Okay. But my point is that it is interesting that you came with reinforcements and you're still in chair two. Okay.

See this is the thing is you guys think that you can do the like insecurity move that I do to you guys on me, but that move doesn't work on me. Like I'm not, yes I came with somebody, I need help, Charlie's my guy. That is my conversation. You made a doc.

Yeah. It's a good doc. Billy, you should see it. I'm looking at it right now. Do we have, hold on, hold on, let me, hold on, let me, let me, let me assert power and dominance. Play the video of the guy barfing on himself. Say his name, Pablo.

I don't know his name, what's his name? Hold on a second, I gotta give him a heads up so we get that ready. You don't know his name. What's his name? Hold on a second. I'm going to give him a heads up so we get that ready. You can't do that. Yes! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Why are we? I did not respond to this. Oh! Oh!

Lucy, I think that's the guy that spilled your credit card up after a while. Oh! He bought lemonade. That's lemonade? I once fired a guy for doing this. The Milk Challenge. Wait, wait I once fired a guy for doing this. The milk challenge. Wait, wait, wait.

You fired a guy for getting sick? What? Yep. What? Why? Yes. Oh gosh. Do you know what this video is?

So this is the July 4th, Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest undercard in which they are chugging lemonade and I believe, is that Eric Badlands Booker who won it's a gallon of lemon thank you not racist Eric Badlands Booker champion hand encouragingly on the the shoulder of that dude whose name is airsoft fatty did he do that in 21 seconds? Yeah, it was a world record. A gallon of lemonade.

It's insane. And you would fire somebody for that. So we had a player pay a ball boy to drink a gallon of milk. Hold on. And do you know that you cannot drink a gallon of milk without vomiting? There's a little known fact. It's a myth.

No, it's not a myth. Definitely a myth. I watched it. It's not a myth. No, it's not a myth. Definitely a myth. I watched it. It's not a myth. Well, who's gonna try it now? Don't. Do not. We're not doing that.

Can we get a top five list at some point? Who wants to get fired? At some point in the show. Myths? No, no, no, no, no. Of ridiculous reasons why David Samson has fired someone. I fired someone for throwing up? That's gotta be number one.

No, it's not. Wait, wait, let's not. I don't even make my top five, but. What? Oh, so this, I was joking. So Oli, do we have the saps? No, we gotta give him some time. We gotta give him some time.

I don't have a top five off the top of my head. But we'll start with Oli, the time that someone puked because a player made them chug a gallon of milk. So a player paid a ball boy and the ball boy did it and puked and way too dangerous. You can die from doing it. You can go to the hospital from doing it. We weren't going to release the player though we were upset with the player. Who was it?

But we said to the ball boy that that's it. Sorry. Done. You cannot just do things for players like that. Can we guess which player did that? You could guess, though I don't think that you will be able to. Melky Cabrera? Melky Cabrera?

Well played. Melky Cabrera was never a Marlin. Antonio Alfonseca. Going for the joke here here buddy. Well, what was the joke? I mean because it was milk. Yeah. Oh I didn't hear milky. It's funnier when you have to explain it Thank you so much. So when did you like you called him in like the same day the next day here? Did he change shirts? It was So in the video to be very clear as the guy whose name is again Airsoft fatty was vomiting on himself like facing forward to the crowd

Seemingly despondent, but not so despondent that he turned around which is just an interesting psychological space to be in He also if you look at the video drank very little lemonade There's probably three quarters of that lemonade left in that jar. Did anyone else think of Stand By Me when they watched that video? Or is that an age thing? Nobody? No one's ever heard of that movie? Thank you.

Lean on me. Lean on me is a great movie. Morgan Freeman. Why is Morgan? Morgan Freeman is so amazing. He's getting older. And we're all doing that. And when we celebrate him,

I hope he lives for another 25 years, I think he goes down as a top five actor of my lifetime. Cause I've been watching him since the electric company. Oh yeah, that was like a kid's show, right? Yeah, with Sesame Street. What's your favorite line from Lean on Me? It's only one right answer. I'll give it to you because I don't think you're gonna get it.

Okay. You smoke crack, don't think you're gonna get it. Okay. You smoke crack, don't you? I would not have had that. That's the best lie to know. I can't tell this is a test. Oh no, it's not a test, it's not a test. No one had that. It's 13% of the audience appreciated that.

You're welcome, guys. So this player paid how much? It's less than you think. You can get people to do a lot of things for not a lot of money. It's really than you think. You can get people to do a lot of things for not a lot of money. It's really quite staggering. It is, it's sort of the divine brown situation. So can I ask a question?

Was, I don't, so this- Hold on, my mental computer is processing 19,000 divine brown jokes. This, yes, and I hope they're being deleted as we speak. As you're processing? This ball boy got fired. Why? So like, what is the justification?

Assuming that you're a lawyer, you're prepared for like any sort of- Well, they're all at will. Right, okay, so you don't have to. But anyway, I still think that you had to, what did you tell him is the reason for being let go of? Well, one of the most common reasons that you fire people is when they're not doing their job.

They're instead hanging out with players or they're watching BP or they're doing things that they shouldn't, you're in the sales department. They shouldn't be watching BP. That's not your job, your job is to be in sales. Or if you're in game entertainment, what are you doing on the field? Things like that or why are you coming down

to the clubhouse and getting autographs? Why are you taking tickets and reselling them? It's things that are not your job and you get fired for. So ball boys, they have a hard job. It's really a brutal job. You're working for tips, you're cleaning up crap, you're doing favors for players all the time, and when a player asks you to do something,

they're always gonna do it. That would be a top five list, things that players have asked. And I think you can appreciate this. We got two top five lists coming from you later in the show. They will, yes. Putting it in the dock. I think that you'll appreciate the top five things

that have been asked by players. I can't wait. Cause you'll relate to, I mean. No, I mean, so football is different. We're not as much, we're not around the facility nearly as much and I travel as much, so like, we mostly do the things for ourselves and maybe have rookies do stuff,

but we don't have the same relationship where your baseball players are there every day, you're traveling all the time, so I would understand why the relationship with ball boys might be different. But I still haven't gotten to understand why you would fire the ball boy after you just said that they don't say no to anyone.

It would seem that the person- We need them just to have the judgment to know what to do and what not to do. It's a very, there's, judgment's a big part of being a, were you ever a bad boy or a ball boy? I was not. Oh yeah, I'm assuming you're talking to me. I was. You're looking at me, yeah.

Well, I mean, judgment's a big part of being a human being, so like- He's looking at the person who has the most ball boy energy behind the glass, and Billy was like, yeah, that's probably me. I would think if anyone would be the most ball boy energy behind the glass and Billy was like, yeah, that's probably me. I would think if anyone would be a ball boy, it would be you, Billy, as a Marlin fan growing up.

You never got a chance to be a guest bat boy or ball boy? No, is that a thing they do? Yes. Really? Never too late. Yes. That's too late, yeah. Even though it's not.

Am I? I feel like it's like an old person job now, right? No. Because after Dusty Baker's kid ran on the field at three years old, then they made it like you have to be 18. And then like at 18, you also kind of lose the like, I want to be a ball boy. I remember most people do.

There was recently, and by the way, Bat Boy, Ball Boy. I'm using them interchangeably. Just a point of clarification. They are different. So there's a Bat Boy and Ball Boy who travels with them on the road. That's not an adult? No. There's clubbies with them on the road. That's not an adult? No.

There's clubbies who travel on the road. And they do the Batboy. You have to supply Batboys for the road team and the home team. And you supply clubbies. The road clubhouse has its own clubbies that are paid for by the home team. We still haven't gotten to the bottom of why,

so you fired him because he has poor judgment. I'm trying to think if there's a better reason to fire somebody. Was it Brad Penny? Lack of, was it $500? There was an article about it. No, there's. Someone came in and told me.

So unless there was a spy. I just found the article. Yeah, then. Suspended Batboy Mulling Two Offers, August 25th, 2005. Got milk, a question mark, an unidentified Florida Marlins Batboy does. Batboy,ulling 2 offers, August 25th, 2005. Got milk? Question mark. An unidentified Florida Marlins batboy does.

Batboy, batperson. After the batboy was suspended six games for accepting a dare from Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Brad Penny, a former Marlin, to drink a gallon of milk in less than an hour without vomiting, the Milk Processor Education Program wants to compensate him. This is a rabbit hole that I wasn't ready to go into. Why are people complaining about Google?

I have not found that to be anything. Why is it bad? I think it's worse than it was. It's not bad. I think it's... You just found something from 20 years ago. Because I'm really good at using Google, but it's bad. Yeah, I think that like, I mean, capitalism.

So like Google was gone from a place where you go for information to a place where you go for information to a place where you go for ads. Well hold on a second, I have a question for you. If Brad Penny was still on the Marlins and this was a home player doing this to like a home bat person, would you have still fired said bat person?

Yeah. And you don't think there would have been like outrage? It's easier when it's like a road team. There's always outrage. Really? They're very protective of the guys. There's always player outrage when you do anything. When you release a player, when you train a player,

when you create any difference within their environment, there are always people who are upset. What if Dan did something different around here? You guys, I don't know, would you care? Did the milk cause damage? Like did you have to replace a carpet or something? No. Like what damage was done other than to the person?

That's it. I don't recall seeing a bill for damage property. I mean, it seems like you made a, this is actually, the more we talk about it, actually seems like a more justifiable fire. I still don't think that it should have happened, but it seemed like you made a calculation that the value of this bad boy is not worth the risk

of him eventually doing something that would hurt himself and then eventually having you guys be sued. Well, yes. I mean, that is the equation that you do often. I mean, when you're firing at somebody, you're thinking that somebody who replaces them can be better and do better. Is there no, like, process?

Like, a first offense, you get a suspension? There should be, but generally, the process is what a CEO wants the process to be when you're not in the legal system. First offense, you get a suspension. There should be, but generally, the process is what a CEO wants the process to be when you're not in the legal system. Obviously, the legal system, there's due process. When you're not covered by a union and these employees are not unionized, process. That's why we love unions, David, me and you both.

I get it, it gives you a process. I mean, the union actually is more valuable to you than it is to me, but that's a whole nother conversation for another time. Maybe for a sporting class, we can talk about how it gives you antitrust exemption, protects the league more than it does the players. I'm going to put this in the doc, too. Will you do that, Pablo? I'd love to have you in the sporting class. Stu Gatz here for my friends over at Simply Safe.

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