The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Local Hour: Dan's School Spirit

Episode Date: January 9, 2026

"Genesis is here?" Dan, a Cuban who's very different from Tony's Cuban, found himself, while watching the University of Miami, in a position he hadn't felt in decades: having feelings. Dan is so crazed by this new sensation that he literally yells, "WHERE'S THAT MENDOZA SO I CAN CHEW HIS FACE OFF?" Today's cast: Dan, Amin, Chris, Jeremy, Roy, and Tony. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I don't know why Chris is dancing. I'm still waiting for the pass interference call. Hand fighting. I think a commissioner is going to announce something. There's going to be an appellate court. You guys think this is over? This is not over. It doesn't get to end that way.

Mutual combat. It's wild. So we're going to be watching ESPN and then all of a sudden a yellow flag. I expect it to be breaking news during the show. No, I expect during the show for there to be breaking news sounder, just like yesterday with McDaniel. and it to just be, and just, they've declared because they can, because this is all for me for TV entertainment,

that the flag should have been thrown, and we're going to go play it again on Wednesday to see if we could change the result of that game because we like trends at Chambliss, and that's a fun story. I'm going to, without trying to be prisoner of the moment, I'm not even making this up. I mean, this is the time to be prisoner of the moment, man. You know, all the time we're like,

oh, I don't want to be prisoner of the moment. Don't be prisoner. This is the moment. Be a prisoner. Lock yourself up, man. though I was simply floored last night by the surprise of something swooning through me that is not something I had felt in 20 years because I was scared. I was scared watching the game.

Scared to be happy? Well, yeah, I guess. Scared to believe the happiness. So it's 20 years of football scars here. after this is the program that taught us that winning was possible. This has always been the pride of this community. This is the best sports thing we've had. It's the most professional thing we've had.

Before the heat, before the Panthers, before any of it, it was this program growing out of this swamp, representing this city in a way that brought it pride. Like, this program is my school, so I had school spirit last night, and I'm like, what is this doing here? Jazz hands in the school. You're like, yeah, Dana with pompom. I know, but this is, so I didn't, I didn't, I didn't recognize it.

I didn't like, what is this feeling? I didn't like, look back at me in the mirror. You're like the Grinch, like having a feeling. I'm having feelings like a 14-year-old. Can you get me the University of Miami mascot Yamama, please? Because I want visuals. There's a, there's a former UM mascot during the glory days. His name was Yama Yama.

And Michael Irvin, I just feel like, is running on fumes. He's got very little material left. He needs a team of writers. He didn't think it was going to get this far. Somebody helped Michael Irvin get to the ending, so he's not just spanking that cooler anymore with the belt. He's lived too much. He's won too much.

He's worked too hard for his fame to be in the sad clown portion of, I don't have two games left in me. Look at what Deon's doing in color. Colorado, you got me on the sidelines with a belt. This is the Dan Levator show with the Stucats podcast. Who's more exhausted at being the mascot? Michael Irvin or Greg Cody? Because I'm watching that video and, wow, he looks really tired singing that song.

Almost as tired of Michael Irvin with the belt. I would like to explore with America, just the sad clown phase of Michael Irvin's career where he's, I am wildly entertained by what he's been for 30 years, but he's been above this for a long time. Dion Sanders runs a whole program, and Michael's tired of being the mascot for this team because he thought he was going to end a couple of games ago. Now, it doesn't mean he doesn't love the program,

and then it's not totally sincere because he does, and he cares like that. But at this point, he doesn't have this energy for just the repeat of the same act. I've just got a belt. It's cameras following me everywhere. Stop following me. I've always wanted you this.

is too much, this is too many, quit making me perform for you. He didn't have anything special last night, nothing new. Like, we should, I want to relive this. He's 60 years old. Let's see if he brought any, like, you know, advancements in the bit. No, but he's an older person. He's tired. He's 60.

Dude, he's been doing this for 35 years. He's been fame relevant for 35 years. And he does care about this program. And he's the perfect mascot for it. He really does care. I'm not making up the stories when I say, he went to the Dallas Cowboys. Okay, look, this is a, all right, forgive me for a second when I go historic on this because this is, what happened to me yesterday was weird. I've rarely experienced in my entire career all the things I felt yesterday that had very much the center of them.

School pride. Love how you say it that way. Well, but it's just like how many good things you, how many things are there in the world that you have a relationship with that is prideful? That is because you invested a bunch of time in that school and money. invested in you by birthing our entire careers here because that program taught me to love sports, taught me to care about sports. And the only other time I felt like last night was when Jimmy Johnson lost with a clearly superior team against Penn State because he wouldn't stop throwing the football. And Jimmy Johnson, it's the worst regret he has. But his greatest allegiance, Jimmy's, wasn't to the

champions in Dallas. Michaels isn't to the champions in Dallas. Their greatest allegiances is that they appreciate what this school built for Miami in this city to teach all the other people how to win. Michael Irvin was at the very start of that. He cares that way, but he's tired. He prefer to be coaching the team than doing this. You guys do understand that, right? Like, that this is the, Dion Sanders and Michael Irvin were fighting for the very same things 40 years of Florida football. It's the top of the food chain. It's crazy. It's best athletes you've ever seen, keeping themselves famous for 40 years because it was Dion coming out of a limousy. at Florida State, this is as good as sports can feel right here.

And this team and this program is the one that helped us make it feel it. Like, it helped us understand what that would feel like. I learned a new name last night. And the funny thing is, I've heard it a million times on the show and never put two together. This Malachi, Tony kid, is pretty good, huh? Malachi. You just noticed? I just got that.

You've heard the Malaki sound? I didn't know what that was. I thought he was saying Malarkey, but he kind of misspoke. And I was like, oh, okay. You didn't realize that Greg Cody's expertise about Malachi Tony, who did like some wizard. You've got to make that a catch just on general principal because he was able to do that. Like you've got to overturn. You've got to keep the ruling if that was a catch and don't talk to me about the heel just on general artist principal.

Toe went down first. Come on. What are we doing here? Come on. We all did the thing last night. I'm at my house with my wife. And she's like, whoa, it wasn't a catch. It ended up being out.

But the replay, what a catch? I'm like, kids 18 years old. Should be a senior in high school. Dwayne Wade won an NBA championship with the heat before he was born. So this program taught us what excellence looks like at the top of the food chain. And what I'm telling you what Malachi Tony is, is unlike any player they've ever had. This is different than Santana Moss. This is different than Kevin Williams.

This is different than Devin Hester. Although Devin Hester is probably the closest thing there was to it. But Devin Hester was not this on offense. He was this on only special teams. Not only that. Offensively, what he's able to do from a blocking perspective as a guy who's undersized at his position is, Unreal. He's the best blocker they have on that team. You're putting him past these legends.

That's a move you just did. I'm going to say this, man. Like that was, Tony, that was a play where he blocked for Fletcher and I was like, he's 18 and he's doing that. Set the edge on a linebacker. Forget about the physicality as an 18-year-old to do that. The desire for someone who's that talented to say, no, no, I'm going to mix it up on a block. Football IQ. That's, hey, man, that's special.

Okay. But if you agree with the history and understand the history of Florida, right, and just how it is that athletes in this. state have ruled football and made it matter and been a source of pride to the nation. And it begins in Miami and with the recruitment on Miami and kids like this where you're like, okay, that sport requires its players to stay in school for several years because they don't have the man enough of a body to do the violence in the adult world. What do you mean a freshman is putting up numbers there that everyone knows the ball's going to him and you can't do much of anything about it?

and he's jumping 10 feet in the air and is clearly an athlete that's being feared by all the other athletes, even though he doesn't look physically like he's very big. He's got braces. And he looks. And he looks young. He looks young out there, except he's an electric power current, and you don't, you're watching in that game. So let's go over some of the details of last night's game, because it was the flukiest thing. Miami was clearly better than Ole Miss, like just clearly.

obviously better and Trinidad Chambliss James. Everyone enjoyed the idea of him possibly coming back and that fourth quarter was wild, wild fun and then Carson Peck at the end. Won Miami a game in a different way than they won the other two

because they bought an expensive quarterback so that they could beat you a lot of different ways when the games came and the opponents were different. Can we just talk about their decision to trust Carson Beck there? When they had enough time, everyone was like in the group chat like they should be running the ball here and they just put the ball in Carson's hands and it was saying he responded the

caretaking duties that Carson Beck I don't know if you guys have read about some of the humanity to this because the the recruiter for Miami was quoted in interview that Carson Beck was a broken human being that he's never was quoted as saying I've never seen such a broken human being oh Mike said that angry mad at the world lacking confidence as Carson Beck and not wanting to come back to college because of whatever the experience was of being 19 with a world of pressure on you. But what you just saw last night was seven years of college experience. Like that guy's been playing professional football for a while.

His record, he's got 41 of those games. Okay, he's won, what is it? 36 of them and 16 of the wins are against ranked teams. Like he's played in a bunch of these. We've made a professional quarterback a little bit faster than we used to make them. And he's being paid like he's the professional quarterback at the top of that food chain. You saw what Lane Kiffin did with Ryan Clark in the pivot yesterday, right? Did you guys see that?

That's not a new clip, but yes, it resurfaced. He did it when he was still with Ole Miss. That's right. And Lane Kiffin was bragging. Look at what I did to that kid. When you look at storylines in college sports and the business of it, the business of it that's been fairly shocking the last five years, so shocked that you are that Lane Kiffin would laugh.

Ah, what does Carson Beck now? These people, these adults, can ravage these kids in the pursuit of these things. Like Carson Beck was a young man and had his psyche challenged by what this sport requires. And in the biggest moment last night, when they needed him to be the most expensive player, he was, and while running the football, when he could have gotten sack,

when all of us were saying, Mario, why are you throwing here? Are you lunatic? A sack? You want to get an interception? Like, why would you just not hand the ball off? It's the most common and easiest thing. I was like, Mario, no, the championship game is when you do this,

so we can have the greatest hit. It was crazy. It was crazy. It was crazy. I was too early. I cannot believe that. that Carson Beck had the wisdom to scamper to his left when he was sacked. If he decided to just roll out a little more to his right, he sacked it's a disaster.

And you're looking at, why did they throw the ball there? Especially when a couple of plays before and a drive before, he had the pressure to the right side. And he had Marion running completely butt-naked wide open on a crosser. If he just steps up and throws it to him, it's a touchdown there. So it was like the complete opposite. Learn from it. Said, I'm going to run out this way and score touchdown. The play was to Tony because all the plays are to Tony because.

you know that Tony. I thought he had Tony. Like there was a window for Tony, I thought. But they wore that Mississippi defense down, man. And that prime example. They're the ball for 45 minutes. All-Miss tackles. But prime example would be on that back touchdown

because that defensive tackle just collapsed. I heard it up at five seconds. The Joe Zagaki call that. The guy who, I don't know, like the playb-by, the guy with Joe Zagaki, Y, B.J. yells in it, yells in the thing. Go right.

Go right. And he doesn't go right. He goes left because it was. That's crazy that in the, you hear the guy, telling him to go right. How disrespectful are you of Miami royalty that you just did that? The guy with the guy with Joe. Don Bailey Jr.

Like, TBJ. Chris Cody, how are you a journalist sitting next to your father and you don't know the legend in this market? He said his initials. I don't even know Tony knew until Roy said it. What do you talk? Dude. He was offended behind you. I was sickened by that. Look, Tony, Tony. I saw Josh Darrow on the sidelines.

Tony is Miami to its core. And what we're headed toward here is the most Miami-Cuban championship. Tony is such a huge Indiana fan today. Like Fernando Mendoza against Mario Cristobal, this is two generations of very different Cubans. And Mario Cristobal would chew the face off of, chew the face off of the Cuban Fernando Mendoza's birth after him.

Cristobal, look, man, Christobal's crazy. He's the best of us. He is the best of us as a Cuban man. More willful than all the other Cuban men will absolutely be more man then you are a man always and always and forever. He's nuts, nuts, nuts! There was one point where his eyeballs were about to come out of his head. He did not want to be hugged.

Oh, yeah, that was great. It's not done yet. This is a crazy person. Look, this is the best of us. Look, I'm not kidding you when I say, if I can make a Statue of Liberty for the Cuban people in sports, it would be Mario Cristobal. Wow.

Bug-eyed, crazed, crazed as a representative of our people and what they can do. No time for joy. Get out of my face. I'm going to go punch Indiana in the face. Where's that Mendoza? Where's that Mendoza so I can chew his face off and show him the younger generation doesn't know shit? Happy New Year, everybody.

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Eastern and ends 1.23, 2026 at 11.59. P.59. P.m. Eastern. See official rules at program website. Don Lebertard. To us residents. Oh, wow. That's pretty good.

I think I haven't been practicing? Stugats. Oh. I didn't realize we had a substitute complicated legacy. Brought you by a headquarter to Toyota, huh? 441 and Powerline Road. Second down of nine. This is the Dan Lebatar show with the Stugats.

Dan, we're on the precipice of the most Cuban championato ever. They were doing confecito before the game yesterday. That's something they've been doing for a long time, beautiful thing. I think everybody needs to get a little extra juice, right? That's what people are realizing. If you get the Cuban coffee right before the game starts, you have an unfair, you've got a PED. The BD, yeah. Absolutely. We've been

saying this. You don't have to go poop? What happens to me? It makes you run faster. Trey Wingo's entire career was getting, you guys saw it happen at the Super Bowl. Trey Wingo's career was derailed by when he started having confesitos around here. Can handle it. He went too fast, he went

too far, and he got addicted to them, and his career was never the same after that. It's a shame. Cannot believe that guy tried to hug Mario first of all during the game? He's pissed.

He's pissed. That's legitimate. That's not performative. No. So, Tony, but you recognize this person. This is your father. 100%.

This is your father. You tell me, Tony, you're confident about a million different things. You tell me, how would this go? A fight with your father? Not well.

Got the old man's strength. He still grabs my wrist sometimes where I'm like, hey. No, but it's not that. It's your father's got the chew your face soft Cuban will that Cristobal has.

It's a different generation of people. Look, I'm scared of Mario Cristobal. I've always been next to him at school. I went to school with him. I'm next to him the critic, and he doesn't respect that. You went to school with him? Why hasn't he been a guest on our show? He's a guest on every other show.

Zaz got him. Well, because he looks at me. He's like, look at what this guy did with the Cuban stuff. He just criticized people, and he's a clown, and he makes jokes and stuff. Look at me. I'll eat your face. I'll go to FIU and eat your face and then work for saving and eat your face. And Leberturt.

I'll eat your face. I'm like, yes, Mario, you would. You and your brother. You got me. You were, Mario, you've always been tougher than I feel. What kind of Cuban are you, Dan? They say, oh, Mario's this kind of Cuban. What kind of Cuban are you?

Can't tell us this is helping us get him or not getting him on the show. This is the most Cuban. We're headed toward the Cuban Super Bowl. We need Indiana tonight, Dan, in the worst way possible. Because Oregon, who cares about it? Who cares about these people? But isn't it crazy that Cristobal was the coach at Oregon? And probably there's, like, sports and television executives all over the country.

you're like, Oregon versus Christobal versus Furma too, that's a good story. And we're here like, no, bring us the kid that went to the same high school as him. Bring us the kid that wants revenge that Miami didn't recruit him. Bring us the kid that almost beat Miami last year with Cam Ward. And that's where we have the beautiful Michael

Irvin on all fours. That's where the first time that happened. That was Genesis, was the Caldame. Genesis is here? Is she? But we have that situation brewing now where Fernando Mendoza is one win away from shoving it back down Miami's throat.

if they can get to the national championship of game. Who were you performing Genesis is here for? I got laughs in that room. How to stay the course there, Dan. A lot of laughs about that. Well done. So I like, yes, Tony, I appreciate you doing the show for America. And I don't appreciate, I mean, doing the show just for himself.

And you guys, you know, no, no, no, no, no. That joke was great. Better not be ruining... Ponder penalty. Two minutes. The way of show. Okay. You'll take it.

You'll take it. And I know I could beat you because you're not that kind of Cuban, apparently. No, no. You're Mario Cristobo. I'm like, oh, my kind of you. Yeah, what kind are you? No, what kind are you? Okay, look.

He's my kind. First, you get out of here. We're going to teach... You're Jeremy or Christopal. We're going to teach America about Cuban, Miami for the next week. You do not get these opportunities, okay? I'm just telling you you don't. This best thing of ours in the history of the city,

the thing that has created more personal pride in sports allegiances across generations. Miami was us against them, us against the world, own personality long before LeBron, Chris Bosch. Us against the world started here with this team and this Cuban Miami fractions of community where you've got black people over here

and the Cubans have never been allowed to play in this game because it's always entering James and Ray Lewis and they're a lot better. And the Cuban quarterback has been held down. Thank you, Dan. And that's the only point that I was making the other day when I was doing the top five and Dan was like, oh, you know, systemic racism against humans.

Like, no, we've just never been good enough to do it, right? It's not, we've just been held down by our own genetics. That's been the issue. But now, Dan, now we're looking at the face of a very beautiful Fernando Mendoza, all the beautiful things about coming to America and Cubanism and everything. I want to give all the glory to God. And the voice. See, so here.

Okay, look, I'm not going to start making fun of Mendoza yet. I don't want to be close time. That's why I haven't won you. You're right. Once they win. No, but you're a big. His ass is grass, Dan. I want to give all the glory to God.

And I like them respectfully. He's like, it would be a cousin of mine. But his asses grass if they win. I am having a hard time remembering while I'm watching this game, okay? Because it was funny to me to not notice within myself that over 25 years of doing this with all of its labors, the sports fan in you in some ways would have to be so hidden all the time that these guys have made fun of me for years about whether or not a fist pumped in a bar because Eudonis Haslam dunked in a heat game against the Bulls when everyone in Miami was scared that MVP Derek Rose

was going to be able to knock off three heat players who had made our city matter the way Miami made it matter a long time ago with a more dangerous team, a more interesting team. I don't know how interesting you guys find Alabama or Georgia or Clemson. Alabama is hugely interesting historically because it went a long time ago and was Miami before Miami. But when the sport got black, it got taken over by Miami and then it became too black because black sportsmanship run amok in a complicated Miami got some of them arrested and misunderstood. And that's the program that taught me everything. That's the school I went to.

When I say that what I learned, everything was around the football program. It wasn't in the classes. It was amazing to live during that time when it was being birthed that Michael Irvin would leave the place and be with the Cowboys, winning a champion as a first round pick, championship, and be calling his old dorm room number just to make sure that somebody picked up a landline who used to be a hurricane and he could yell at them about how they weren't doing enough, that they weren't working hard enough. He was still trying to coach him up back then because this community, this city, saved Michael Irvin, working against these kids, having to be better than these kids in this

city playing football, the most rabid place to play football, whatever you think Texas is. It ain't what Pahoki is where they just burn the sugar cane fields and rabbits come out and the kids go out there to eat because they've got to chase the rabbits. That's a thing here. The way football is played here, Michael Irvin defeated and conquered all of it. And when it got to Dion Sanders' FSU at FSU, he conquered that too. And they took college football from Bobby Bowden and from the state of Florida, and that's when it mattered. And for 20 years, it hasn't mattered.

None of it's mattered. So last night, I get ransacked. I'm legitimately surprised at how much I care and how frustrated I'm getting by, I have not watched a game like this since Jimmy Johnson wouldn't stop throwing against Penn State in this Fiesta Bowl in 86 because he was too stubborn to admit. My team is so much better than this one that I'm going to, find myself in a position when I'm watching that game last night. So many penalties, so much incompetence dropping footballs, so much curse all over the field where I'm witnessing this team is clearly better than Mississippi. They did the stats on this. In 20 years, there's never been college or pro, a game that has that kind of time of possession, going forward on third down and

fourth down, making it always. And a team, you know, being in the position Miami was in yesterday. Yeah, the actual stat right here. Only FBS team or NFL team in the last two decades. To hold the ball for 40 plus minutes. A mass over 400 yards of offense. Convert 10 third downs. Convert multiple fourth downs and have four drives of 13 or more plays all in the same game, regular season or postseason. And they barely won?

Bums. Well, so in the analysis. In the analysis of this, yes, four interceptions by six players. It was four interception. dropped by six players. That's a stats, an actual stat. It's six players had dropped four interceptions. And both hands, both hands on all the interceptions.

Both hands on all the interceptions. I want to know how many hands touched the ball now. So let's do this. The reason. I guess 12. Lewis Riddick said, Lewis Riddick has watched a lot of football. He's like, this is the, I've never seen this. I've never seen a game where there are this.

many dropped interceptions. And then such weird false starts from the offense after no penalties against Ohio State, it was just weird. If I had said to you, the game that was played by Miami had been coached by that disaster center that is the coaching carousel at Mississippi, you would have said, yes, that's what a team looks like when it's poorly coached, that Miami did everything to lose that game, every single thing to lose that game. He had Malachi, 18-year-old, like number 73, remade two bad false starts and he literally had his head down an 18 year old malachi tony in the huddle physically lifting his head oh but the thing we forget they're learning how to play football and i i know that's pressurized and all that stuff but a guy does two false starts in five like

two false starts in five plays when everyone is watching what's happening out there and it's not like miami didn't come in with the game plan of absolutely knowing oh you know we're going to mall these guys up front right we're just going to it's going to be second three all game because they're just not going to be able to keep up with this physically. If that's the game plan and you're screwing it up and everyone's watching on television, it's the most pressurized game you've ever played. And I know he's a big dude. You're a kid in there, man.

Those are kids trying to learn how to play football in the middle of that. Now we're paying them more than we ever have. So, Annette Cooper has those two false starts. But remember, listen to what Jeremy said. They had the ball for 45 minutes. Like, he's there down and they're running the ball and they're pushing that line for so much that at a certain point, Cooper's like, I got nothing left. I'm falling back here.

I can't hold myself. It had so many penalties. It really is rare to see four dropped interceptions. You never win that game, though, Dan. When you have all those penalties. You felt it, right, that they were going to lose? 100% because you can't give four interceptions away. I was doing show content.

What's funny about some of this stupidity is that Zazlo is joining us now from the Peach Bowl, because when it is you think of your, you know, the most Cuban Super Bowl ever played, you see that face, Zasloos. Hey, guys. And glad that reading light is still on. Whatever. Wait a minute. So can you turn it off?

Do you know how to turn it off? It's very bright. You got to read. And, I mean, I'm going to do this to you again. Minor penalty, two minutes, delay a show. Just like a good. Reading light commentary. He's just, he wants to do his own thing today.

Every day. Yeah, well, yes, every day, but I need your help today because it's a big day in Miami history, and we got the basketball guy here, and old Georgia Tech breath. Like, now it's time for big boy football that Miami's always played in Georgia Tech never has. Miami's won. The championships had, look, you know how close Miami is to like 10 championships, if not for a bounce? And two, if Florida State can make a couple of field goals? Like the entire history of this sport of the last 50 years runs through this city through this program.

And when I tell you it's the greatest professional pride in sports we've ever had in this market, Zazlo will not dispute that. I don't believe even though he's a panther head and he's a heat guy. But this even predate you. He's a gator. And Zaslo, because he lives in Miami and because I think he learned about some of what those Miami histories were, Zaslo knows the history that's running on that field yesterday and all of that that was happening. Correct? Zazlo, you experienced all that emotionally, right?

Yeah, it's why like when people ask, oh, you went to University of Florida, how are you a Keynes fan? You don't understand. Like, the Keynes are, they're treated like a professional team. It's a small private school. Like, no one went there who roots for the team. And when I was growing up, we had two teams. We had the dolphins and the Miami Hurricanes. And the earliest of my childhood memories are my father taking me to the Orange Bowl.

So obviously, I'm not going to stop being a Miami Hurricanes fan just because I went to the University of Florida. And last night, it's as exciting a win of my life because, I mean, the fourth national championship, the Keynes won in 1991. I was only 10 years old, all right? And when they won the title in 2001, I mean, they killed Nebraska. It's like there was no drama. But like the only other game that I could remember where I felt this way, it was back in 91 and I was at the Orange Bowl. the Canes beat Notre Dame. It was number one versus number two,

and the Keynes ended up winning the national championship because of it. But last night, that was like as great an experience watching the Miami Hurricanes I've ever had in my life. Don Lebertard. John, can you rate my Al Pacino from that billiard scene in Carlito's way if I do it for you? I think it's pretty good. Yeah. Stugats.

You think you're big time? But you're going to die. On my infamous scale of one to ten, that's a that's a 7.6 solid good job that's a sui nominee right there this is the Dan Levitar show

with these two gods guys I have breaking news from a source a highly placed source saying that Zaz is a fake-ass Florida fan that he actively roots for UM over Florida despite him being alum that he went to that UM Florida earlier this season and rooted for the

can't over his gators. You, sir, are a fraud. And we cannot trust your word on anything, because if you will betray your people, then who can, how can we ever trust that you won't betray us? My people are Miami. I grew up in South Florida. These are my people.

Miami. South Florida is my people, all right? You don't need a spy amine to tell you the truth. I'm sitting here telling you, yes, I was rooting for the hurricanes because guess what? That's best for business. That's best for business. and the Miami Hurricanes now, they're in the national championship, all right?

So guess what? Business is abomin! Just like Eudanus Haslam. That's right. He went to Florida. You got a problem with you Donners Hasel, I mean? Zaslo. Zaslow, would you be willing over the course of the next week to have a Cuban makeover given over by Tony?

Wow. I think Tony, Jeremy need to teach you how to be Cuban. Who? Tony and Jeremy. What does Jeremy know? I'm Cuban. Cuban be. Yeah, but I want to be more like the Tony Cuban, less of the Jeremy.

Well, but here's what's happening. This is what we have to teach South Florida, because I don't think South Florida understands this particular part of what we're talking about different Cubans. One of them is Cristobal. Tony doesn't want to fight his dad. My dad is some of this. It is, what do you mean you're going to take our freedom? We're going to be better at sports than everyone.

And while my people are, you know, we were doctors on that island and it was lovely. And then communism took over and we came over here and had to be plumbers. And, oh, we will absolutely eat your face with our will. Yeah. My father pushed me to the brink of hell so we would get good at things. I am a coward compared to whatever Christobald hadn't going on in his family. Because I'm telling you, Mario is the least crazy of the two. His older brother was crazier than that.

His older brother was crazier than that. And that is not what Fernando Mendoza is. It's what he was raised by. but I'm, it's what he was raised by, but it's not what he became. What he become? Jeremy. He became a Jeremy Cuban. Am I wrong, Tony?

Jeremy, go do a Venn diagram of Cubans. Okay, I'll explain it. Let me go out there and I'll explain to the- You're not wrong, though, Dan. You're not wrong. You're not wrong. He's more Americanized, and that's fine. Like, it is what it is, right?

Like, you come from a lineage of people that left the island. They came over here. They worked really hard. They became successful. And the next generation became successful. and now you're in the successful situation. And sometimes when it comes to sports, it's very difficult for those kids that come from successful situations

to give more and to be more. And now we see Fernando Mendoza rise to the top who can have a Heisman trophy, a national championship, presume it, and maybe be the number one pick. Like, that's a very small class. If I can just sort of explain the Cuban ethos briefly to you, for those of you who just love the beloved Boppy, and he was a workhorse, an unbelievable, he is a workhorse.

like help me till the very end of his tired career. My father birthed or helped birth two artists in a community like where it's important for us to create because they wanted to give us freedom. We had careers as artists and it's because my father's an animal. He's an animal for work. He's an animal for work and he is built of the same clothes. that whatever it is that Christobal and his brother are built at. And there always been, and they always will be tougher than me and my father.

Because my father would tell you at any turn, better to live as a coward than die a hero. And I'm telling you, my father's an animal. Like he helped raise two artists, like two people who work in the arts, I should say, made careers in the arts. So to answer my question earlier, you're a Fernando Mendoza. A little bit. I'm closer to Jeremy. I'm interested to see where Dan falls in this. I'm a little bit closer to Jeremy than I am to Tony, and I don't think Christobal respects it.

That's why we can't get him on the show. It should be me interviewing Mario instead of you. I'll pitch that. Yes, for sure. Cidano, Cristobal and Cittano are best buddies. They're the same kind of Cubans. Jeremy puts Cidano on there, too. Christopher is best buddies with everybody who does a show here other than us.

It is kind of weird. I'm telling you why it is. You guys need to go get Sedano to coach you guys up. Zaslo, including. Oh, we need help on how to. I need help. I need help on how to be. Look, if you're asking me how to be as Cuban as Cristobal, I will tell you, I am not.

I had it easier than he did because my dad probably wasn't quite the animal. His dad was. He said his dad was to say it's better to die a coward. I am telling you that the Mario Cristobal doesn't respect. You need to go to Cuban boot camp. Maybe Tony will bring you there. Mario Cristobo does not respect me and I don't blame him. I don't blame him because he looks at me and he's like, oh, you're the critic.

Do you realize that I was fighting people like Cortez Kennedy and stuff, like biting their knees? And you're going to come out to practice and write about it. And plus you're a big guy, Dan. He probably saw him like, this guy can get on the offensive line. What are we doing here? So Russell, Maryland, and Jimmy Jones. Okay, I've got... Dan Libetard.

starting guard. I don't even blame him. He's like, you just got in the way. You were writing about how Leonard Conley was stealing from other teammates. And you were the snitch journalist who was around the program and made his career off this program. Like legitimately, that school taught me everything and it wasn't in the classrooms. It was these ridiculous teams. I remember that. That taught all of us, Zaz, you, I'm not wrong. I'm not wrong. right when I say that the University of Miami has always been the standard for what professional sports winning is in this excellence is in this city I try and explain to people and it's hard for them to understand because it was so long ago like the heat have had this town you know for the

longest time and then the dolphins had it before that but when the canes are on top when the canes are the number one show in south Florida they're a different energy man Like, it's above all of that. So it's really cool that we're back in this spot. Isn't it just because they're on top right now? Yes, for sure. If the heat, go out and get like whatever, Janus, and then they rip off like four in a row.

We're going to talk about, oh, you know what, man. It's a different energy when they're on top. But this is why people could rightly accuse anyone in Miami of front running because most people do not care the way Mike Ryan does, and he cares almost as much as Christobal as he told you this week. You know how much I care, Dan. If you think I care the most, no, Cristobal cares more than I do.

Breaking. He's traveling with the team. He's spending money with the team. I felt good for Mike last night. I will be honest. And nervous for him late in the game. Of course, because you were so clearly, that would have been so heartbreaking to lose.

But there are times where I'm like just looking for content and like maybe this, this, this guy got out of content and I was just like, I kind of just want Mike to be happy. I did. One of those interceptions where the first guy didn't catch and then the second guy didn't catch it. I was like, oh, this would be great if this was the reason why they don't win the game. I was when Mario Ball. When Mario, when Mario is like deciding on whether to call that time out with like 25. I was just like, oh, he could screw this up.

Yeah. But he didn't. You guys do. You guys know, right? Because we're talking about things getting pressurized in Miami. I hadn't realized this. I saw the stat and I'm like, this can't be right. Miami has won more in the postseason the stat was in the last three weeks than they had in the 20 years previously.

they haven't won any of these poll games either. Like there's been, you go from being the best thing and then going on probation and all of these coaches. Larry Coker started like 32 and O or something and never worked again meaningfully because everyone knew, no, that's ridiculous. What you had there was a deal. You can't have Portis McGahey and Gore in the backfield and only win 32 in a row. You've got to keep winning, and then Ohio State throws them.

And the whole story is ridiculous, right? Coker went from, just imagine somebody bursting onto the scene and just going undefeated for two straight season just because he had the previous guys players because those teams were so much better than everyone else because they'd all come through Florida. They'd all come through whatever. You win this city. You win South Florida

and football, high school, anywhere else. You win South Florida and football. You can beat the country. And you mentioned the Penn State loss in the Fiesta Bowl. A lot of demons have been conquered this CFP. Ohio State. You beat Ohio State. Got that out of way. The Fiesta Bowl, at the four

losses, they finally get the one went. Exercise. Exercise is the word you're looking for. With an O, not an E, Dan. Don't worry. Exercise. I saw that ain't getting the word.

Exercise. Did you? Did you see that? You saw that I got scared of the word exercise? Yeah. How's your head, by the way? What are you guys? What's so funny about that?

You know, here's a... It's good. That was good acting. Dude, you had me. I was like, did he... Assholes. I didn't. I trained.

I could. For how bad that could have been. Good job, Dan. There's no way I tricked you into thinking. I did have a friend to ask me whether that had happened. I'm like, you really think that that would happen? You don't get it, huh? You don't get it?

You don't get what I do? I'm part of the arts. I'm a clown. My dad. You're not a artist. What do you not understand? I'm doing art. What do you think Mario hates me?

I'm an artist. You don't get it? That's the kind of human I am. He's got the biggest game of his life and I'm a clown and a bark-bting ketchup on my forehead.