The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Local Hour: Kyrie Eleison

Episode Date: August 14, 2025

"I don't understand miracles; they just happen." Tony received an education on the JFK assassination via the bowling alley. Stugotz received an education on the Greek influence on Australians via Mike reading song lyrics. Chris received an education on joint practices via Honolulu Izzy. And does anyone want an education on Jakob Marsee via Zaslow? Anyone? Anyone? Today's cast: Zaslow, Stugotz, Roy (late thanks to school traffic), Chris, Izzy, Mike, and Tony. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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land the same passion quervo so enjoy the tequila that started it all quervo the tequila that invented tequila roximo quervo dot com please drink responsibly quervo this is the dan levator show with the stucats podcast so you're looking a little bit sleepy you're looking a little bit tired chris cody what do you have going on last night uh bowling got me really i used to not partake in the, uh, you know, the beverages in the mid-week. What does that mean you used to not partake? What do you mean you used to? On, on school nights, I don't really get down. Right. You know, the last couple of years, I've done bowling on Wednesdays, and so I've kind of gotten the

habit. Are you in like a, are you in like a bowling league? Yes, sir. Yep. Great. Cody's on the team. Yeah, we got a whole squad. So the bowling didn't get to you, the drinking did. Correct. Okay. And it doesn't always. Right. But it did last night. All right. Let's back pedal for a second. So how many people are on a bowling team? And is it like total score? Is it average? How does that work? It's three games a night and you do have an average and then you're based off your average. You're given a handicap to kind of balance it out. You know, if you're really good, you have a zero handicapped. Why is there a handicap to balance it out? Why isn't it just you versus another team? Because then there's like a few teams out there that are just so good that they would just win everything.

This makes like a crappy bowler can compete with the good bowlers because of handicapped. I mean, Zaslow, it's like golf. The reason you have handicaps is so bad players can compete with good players. now? I mean, bowling's no difference. Well, why don't you just, why don't bad players compete in a league that's bad players, and good players compete in a league that's good players? Like an ABC league, something like that. Bumper

league. Yeah, how about them bumpers? Let's be honest, nobody actually knows how to keep score in bowling. So if you just take off the TV on the top, right? No, no, nobody, come on, they're all lying. He's right about that. He's right. How do you score a spare? It's one of those things where old people,

like my dad can tell you, he can look at a thing be like you're going to get one eight five. It's been decades since they've had to do it on their own. There's no way they remember how to do it. If you take off the screen and just bowl and then at the end have a big reveal as to who won, I guarantee you. Everybody's like, maybe I won. I don't know how to keep score. He just made bowling better. He did. See? I mean, that is a reveal at the end. Everybody goes, oh, and they show who what? And then, you know. I mean, Israel, you're in North Miami Beach guy. It's like a tennis replay. Like growing up. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Aren't you? North Miami? You are a North Miami beach guy. Yeah. I'm a North Miami guy. Okay, we are rivals. We are not the same. This is true. Rival high schools.

That's right. I remember I have to get off the bus. I played varsity basketball. Don't make me have to go get my North Miami police hat from the other room. I would get it. Please get it. I would get off the bus. Israel's going to get the North Miami police hat.

I'd get off the bus when we were at North Miami. We were escorted into the gym by police. Oh, wow. It was a big rivalry. That was when, and it was my first experience at North Miami. you know, for a big rivalry game, that was when I walked next to our 6'8 center into the gym. So you walked

next to him, who was also walking next to police. So you were like three levels. Well, police was surrounding all of us. Yeah, I'm like, I'm walking next to God. And you still felt the need, huh? Yep. Oh, yeah. He was a big boy. I'm walking with you, Zaslo. You had cops with you, Zazlo. Nah, I still felt the need. None of those cops were 6'8.

All right. Oh, look at Israel. It's got its North Miami Police hat. Oh, look at you looking very handsome. There you go. It's incredible. Zaz still looks more like a cop. Oh, I don't know. How about now? Is he also in the flex stain?

In the flex cap. No, Zat. Still Zaz. You know your mic's off. And you still got the NMPD thing right there. I'm thrown off. I came into the middle of the segment. I don't know what the hell's happening.

So the point I'm making, you're a North Miami kid. You don't remember going to cloverleaf bowling and having to keep score by hand. You weren't able to do that. Yeah, no. We had to do it by hand. Nobody knew if we were right. It was all just pretty much a guess. I can keep score. I know. Can you really? Absolutely. All right. So you start your, you start your bowling game at with two strikes, a spare and a seven. What do you have? Oh, you can't, you're asking me to do a two complicated math. Give me a few minutes to write it down.

A few minutes. But no, no, I don't need a few minutes. Give me 20 seconds to write it down. I'll give you the score. No problem. All right, do it. Oh, so what is it again? It's two strikes. Okay, strike. A spare. X, X. and a seven. Wait, wait, what was the seven? Was it like a four-three?

It was like a gutter seven. It was a four-three. It was a four-three. A terrible first shot. Talk to them. I'm going to give you a score. It's a four-three, so it's two strikes. It's a spare, and it's a seven.

I have no idea what that adds up to. I do. Talk to them. That's why I look at the screen, and it tells me, oh, 42. I'm like, okay, sick, all right. Do you guys, if you had the choice to choose electronic scoring or writing it down on your own, because I've had this conversation with Greg Cody, no, you're dad likes to write it down, Chris. He does. You guys are old. No, no. You need the electronic

scoring because you get the turkey animation. The animations, yeah. How do you know if you did something good without the animations? Yeah, need the turkey. The animations is the greatest part about bowling. You have like the JFK one where he's like in the book depository and then it's like and then the pin explodes. That's definitely your bowling alley. You guys didn't see that one? The JFK one? No, that's probably the deep red one. Who the fuck wants to bowl with Zazlo if he's taking this long to add up the numbers? He working on that? Okay. I think I have the score. Yeah, that's exactly what we said every time you were done bowling. I think I have a story.

I think I have a story. You were so confident. Again, strike, strike, spare, 4-3. 4-3, yes. I think at the end of that fourth frame, you have 71. Damn. I don't think that's anywhere close. It's definitely close if it's not 100% spot on.

I don't know. But nobody here is able to correct me. I've got no idea how to check you on this. I think it's 71. I'm being, AI's telling me it's 57. Yeah, I think it's 57. I just put in like bowling score. Strike, strike, spare, seven.

Where did I mess up? Did you put 4.3? Oh, I didn't put 4.3. I don't think that really matters. Of course you're coming on the spare. Not a lot. I think Zaz is right. He had the 4 on to the spare.

Yeah. I'm telling you that I go to Google AI. It's 14 on to 7, which ends in a 1. So I think Zaz is closer to right, but the 70s sounds ridiculous. Actually, I think it might be 61. Yeah, that sounds way better. Wow. I think I fix it.

Just do the turkey dance. I think it's 61. Let's do the turkey dance and let's move on. So. Thank you. Is he? Harder to do these days. Keep score for bowling by hand or keep a box at a baseball game?

Hmm. Can you do a box? If I put it right in front of you right now, Stugats. You went to the Marlins game and you sit there with a box. Would you be able to keep score? No. Really? Probably not.

I would be able to, but I'd probably fall asleep in the middle. Do I have to stay for the whole game? Yeah, don't make me do that. If I have to say for nine innings, no deal. If you look at, they're looking at it on the computer. Okay, video is nine. Calculated it, and what do they have? Says 69. Nice.

Yeah. All right. Sixty-nine. Dude, did you accidentally do the one where the score gets you 69? Yeah, I did. Dude, that much of a mathematical genius that off the top of your head, you went 69 with, what was it? Strike, strike, strike, spare, seven? Yeah, four, three, yes.

70. Oh, so I was so close. Oh, wow. If you got a nine, if it's strike, strike, nine spare, four three, 70. Oh, all right All right, Zaz, okay I'm in the ballpark What do you mean okay?

I was off by a pin. I don't think the computer's right either. How dare you doubt computer accuracy? I'm pretty sure He put in the same numbers twice And it came up with two different handsets. Because it matters what you got on the spare

If you got a seven spare or nine spares And what the first And the four three Roll was. Yeah, the four three After two strikes at a spare. Wow, you are drunk. So Chris, on

Like a regular night like last night bowling you go out there what's what's an average score for you? I average I believe 180 my first game I got my first game I got a 216 my second game I got a 177 and you know we started going this way the the beers were flowing right and the third

I usually actually because it keeps track of your averages through the whole season I generally go up like my third game which is surprising you think as the drunker you get right right but apparently like kind of like golf I get a little better as the night goes on but yeah I had a good night last night Stu Gats you just showed up tonight to a bowling alley you roll what

You know, as I say roll, that's bowling parlons. You got to roll them. I want to be inclusive, you know. Right. I would say like a 150. Tops. Not bad, right? That's like what I would do.

If I just showed up to, I gave 150. That's what everyone says they would bowl. I'm not saying you wouldn't, but that's just what you say. Tony, you show up. Snooty boulder right here, by the way. Did you hear that? He's like, yeah, I bowl two something. Yeah, I have 180.

150. That's what they say. That's what they say. Do you have a handicap or? Yeah. You do. I average, like, I get 54 pins, so the average is to 230. So what's 2.30 minus 54?

That's my average. That's my average. Tony, you showed up tonight. No bumpers. No bumpers? Bumpers, I'm in the 150s. For sure. It's so much higher.

No bumpers. I'm bowling like a... The thing is... You've got to be in the twos. No, bumpers I'm bowling like a... No bumpers. I'm bowling like a... 96. Oh, 96?

Yeah. At your bowling alley, you get a nice little animation of Tom Hanks's human trafficking kids in an in an amway cabinet. Oh, wow. It's pins. though. Specifically for 96. I don't know what the kids' situation is.

It's pins. Remember, it's a bowling alley. Mike, you show up tonight. We're bowling. I don't do bowling. Oh, wow. Too cool for that. Israel.

Did you say bowling parlance? Yeah. Yeah. It's like language. You just dropping words on Stugats like that and you're rolling. What do you expect everybody to just know what you're saying? Like, that's a damn word. Yeah.

If I've ever heard one. The answer is 140. All right. With bumpers or no bumpers? No bumpers. Second game. two beers in. What a first game is going to be, who knows? Bumpers are fun. If you're in a doll, you play Bumper's game, it's fun. I know, but if you have bumpers, Tony, you should

be in the 200s, don't you think? That's very true. Yes. Very true. He goes, you have a gutter ball. Yeah, but you can get like the last little corner and can hit a one and you're like, ah, come on. So, Israel, before we get into the really important stuff today. Maybe 160 if I'm feeling really good. All right. I don't do the curve throw thing. I do the straight throw thing. The curve to thing is bad for your elbow. Have you tried to like really curve it? It hurts your elbow. You guys sound like non-bowlers. Or let's say we're going to make content and not actually make the content, but we should do a bowling thing. So Israel, you weren't here yesterday? Any

observations? Are you asking or telling you? Kind of both. Any observations from yesterday's show? You got any beef with yesterday's program? I don't know if it was necessarily a beef. It was funny to me that Greg Cody figured out that his testicles are two different sizes after he got hit in them with a tennis ball. That's when he realized, oh, one's a little lower than the other one, and I'm pretty sure that's everybody's, unless you've got some weird stuff going on. Did you know that, Stugats? I did, yes. I've looked at my balls before. Have you looked at Great Cody's?

I haven't. What else you got from yesterday, Israel? From yesterday in particular, not a whole lot, to be honest, because I did have a question for Mike, and it had nothing to do with yesterday's show. over easy I'm an over medium guy sunny side up too I like a runny egg

I like down I used to like the runny egg I like a congealed egg can somebody tell me the difference between over easy and sunny side up yes yes you flip it over real quick so there's like you still keep the consistency of the yoke but it has a little

thicker over the top sunny side up's never flipped sunny side up is just is it sunny side up that has more likely some uncooked whites around it perhaps yes It could be a little snotty, yeah. There needs to be somewhere in between a little snotty and over medium,

because it's never over medium. It's always just works into... I'll make it nice over medium. You're Dominican, right? You do the Dominican eggs. Which one is that? You don't know the Dominican eggs where you get, like, the corn oil and you just basically fry them to a crisp?

I was going to say, every egg I've ever eaten growing up was ridiculously overcooked. And I didn't know what it actually properly cooked egg tastes like until that was maybe 35 years old. That's a Dominican egg. Yeah. But that was not my question. Look, every football game is a grind. And if you're like Dan and the crew, you know there's no such thing as one size fits all.

Your sleep should be just as custom as coach's game plan. That's where sleep number comes in. You get to call your own plays. Softer, firmer, cooler, warmer, your side, your comfort. Change it whenever you want. No more feeling stuck like a busted play. And for all the late night fights over the thermostat, climate series cools up 20 times faster than the competition.

True temp bedding kicks heat and humidity to the sidelines so you can actually stay chill all night long. Bottom line, sleep number is like having a sleep coach in your corner, adjusting to you all night because your best game starts with the right rest. Why choose a sleep number smart bed? So you can sleep just a way that you like. The only bed that lets you make each side firmer or softer whenever you like. Your sleep number setting. Sleep number's biggest sale of the year is here. All beds on sale.

Up to 50% off the limited edition smart bed. limited time exclusively at a sleep number store near you sleep number official sleep and wellness partner of the NFL see store or sleep number.com for details UFC 319 hit Chicago for the first time in six years bet the card with draft king sports book the official sports betting partner of the UFC new customers bet just five bucks get 200 bucks in bonus bets instantly we've got a banger of a main event we've got Driekis Duplice versus Hamzaa Chimayev for the middleweight world title. It's going to be crazy.

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This is the Dan Lebatar show with the Stugats. I like the ramen egg. What could it possibly be? You know that ramen egg where it's like cut in half? Soft-boiled egg is what you like. Yeah, soft-boiled egg is what you like. Yeah, soft-boiled egg. So I was in a publics the other day, and I was jamming out.

And I was like, wow, this song is definitely a potential CVS and Wild Green's song. But for the entirety of my life, I've had no idea what this dude is saying in this song. And I wanted to take it back to like, you know, the 1990s where I couldn't just ask my telephone. And I said, I'm not. to wait and ask Mike this question because I'm pretty sure he knows the answer. Flattered. Okay. You ready for the song?

Yes. It goes like this. Mumble it. Hey, me, baby, baby, measure through the road that I once travel. Oh, it's, uh, Kitty. What the hell does he say right there? This is the road that I must travel. Is that man at work?

I think it is. I think it's Mr. Mr. Oh, okay. If I'm, if I'm correct. Yeah, no, no, no. It's one of the band names I actually like. They're Australian. Either way.

Isn't it a Kiri eerie? What the heck is that? I don't know. Is that English? I think it's Chiuriuriuri is what they said. Oh, no. Kiti is a wrote. I googled it.

Kyrie Irving came up. But either way, also Australian. Crazy. Maybe they were just foretelling, Kyrie. We are living in a projection, and this is just like a cycle. But no, I have no idea what that person says. I swore that I would throw that out there, and Mike would just be on it. But this might be one of the greatest mysteries.

our time. So it's, I guess it's a name because it's Kiri Illeson, Kiri Illeson, and then it goes Kiri Ili. Like it just cuts it off. What's the Illison, though? Let me find out. Who's this? Kiri Illison. That's what it is. I don't think it's a name because

Ian Ellison is lowercase. What does that mean? It's a Greek phrase meaning Lord have mercy. Wow. So the Australians singing in English used a Greek phrase saying, Lord of mercy. Well, let me confirm that Mr. Mr. Mr. is Australian.

They are not. From Ohio? Yeah. Delaware, like Dante DiVincenzo. No, they're from Phoenix, which is way different. Kyrie has never played in Phoenix. What is his idea of doing, Kyrie? I really did confuse them with men at work.

Who also may not be Australian, and they just saying, I came from a land down under, and then I just never fact check it. I just assume that they're Australian. If you're saying it, right. No, but the Vegemite Sandwich thing, lyric is damning. Yeah, Mr. Meester. There's people in supermarkets right now singing along and just going, have no idea and will go to their deathbed, not knowing what that song is, but damn it, it'll play at their funeral.

Well, in the very unlikely event that Mr. Mr. isn't. from Phoenix, Arizona, and they are actually from Australia, which they are not. There's a lot of Greek influence in Australia, Nick Curios, for example. I think in this country, they're going to have to change their name soon. Izzy, that song's a bit upbeat for a funeral, don't you think? I mean, it's a celebration of life, whatever. Roy, good morning. Good morning.

You all right? I had to drop off Cloto school. First day of school. School traffic kind of. School is bad. That is quite the transformations as. I had no idea he was there. I was looking at my right.

I was expecting to see Chris and I see Roy. is jarring. Very sneaky. Very sneaky. All right. Good to have you here, Roy. Thank you. So, I don't know if you saw yesterday.

Hey, back row, Chris. How are you? But the Miami Dolphins, that's our local football team. The local professional football team. And they are in Detroit right now because they have a preseason game this weekend at the Lions. But they've been in Detroit for the last couple of days. They do say Lions? They're doing joint practices with the Detroit Lions.

I do think, by the way, we're going to get to. to a place where there's going to be maybe one preseason game and teams are just going to schedule joint practices. I think coaches would rather join practices than preseason games because the joint practices, like it's a controlled environment. It's like, hey, I want to, I want to practice Red Zone. Like, are you okay with that? I want to do this. I want to do this. And in preseason, like, anything can happen. I think what, I think if you pulled NFL coaches to do guys, they would tell you, we would rather do a way with preseason and just do joint practices. All of the preseason games, I think coaches are such creatures of habit that they feel

like they need a couple of games to get their team kind of organized and ready. Why doesn't college football? I mean, Texas is playing Ohio State Week 1. It's like, here we are. It's a great question. I don't have the answer for you. Perhaps they're not allowed to do it in college to play preseason games. I have no idea. No, they're probably not.

But the point being, college where a regular season loss is so much more damaging than in the NFL, they get right out there and they play. And they don't always play, you know, school for the blind in week one. They're playing a massive game. Right. But for the most part, when the NFL guys get out there week one, for the most part, that's the first time they're seeing the field. I'm not saying that's the case for everyone. Joe Burrow obviously saw the field week one preseason. But for the most part, I think the preseason is to figure out who's going to be those final guys on the roster, right? Yep.

So I think therefore it has a value to coaches. You want to see them play in a game, says. You do. So Israel, you are our main Lions, Detroit Lions, Pete Gower. World's number one. Thank you. We're enjoying this hypothetical matchup against. against blind you. How do you think I would go? It's just, I mean, I love the visual. Like, hut! Like, no, this way. Watch the ball. I mean,

damn it. It's over your head. We're laughing at it's two guts. Blind you. Israel, did you see all the reports around the team that you cover the Detroit Lions yesterday with their joint practice with the Miami Dolphins? Hit it, Roy. Thank you.

I did already. Ah, all right, go ahead, is he? Turn my headphones up. Thank you. Oh, it's Honolulu theme. Wait, wait, wait for it. There's the lion. He's chilling, though.

He's not a crazy lion. Yes, this is the part where my worlds collide here as my expertise on the Detroit lines, growing expertise. I don't want anybody to challenge me at all, okay? It's a growing expertise, Honolulu Blue. Although the wardrobe, getting a little limited right now. I had to wear a Honolulu Blue

with a bit of a graphic on it today. Who knows what's coming tomorrow? I don't know. But yes, my world are colliding here. The reason I got on this Detroit Lions beat was because my Dolphins fandom had just fallen off of a cliff because they're regularly mediocre

and this season gave me no hope. Now they have this joint practice and what I have confirmed, everyone, the dolphins are going to be awful this year. Just terrible. The Detroit Lions went into this joint practice saying, we don't know what our problem is. Our offense sucks.

Our defense is pretty good, but our offense is terrible. We need something to make us feel better about ourselves, and they got it. Because the Dolphins came into town, and granted Tyree Kill wasn't there or didn't play. Jalen Waddle was limited. They didn't have the right tackle, but they got eaten alive to a point where the Detroit Lions now feel good about themselves, no longer worried about their offense. Yeah, like, so the Detroit media who are there, they're getting their first look, obviously, at the Dolphins so far this season, Stugats. And you should see some of these tweets that were coming out. of that practice yesterday from what I assume is Lions Media, okay?

I mean, all right, so take, for instance, this one. This is Nick Baumgartner. I don't know that fool, but he covers, you know, the Lions, all right? Lions just out everything the Dolphins for two hours out here as lopsided a joint NFL practice as I've ever seen. I give you more details to the Lions for winning practice. I mean, who cares? They didn't just win practice.

like by 70 points. It's some more details. Safety Brian Branch. You ever heard of Brian Branch? I don't know that fool. He forced incompletions on all three repetitions he took during one-on-one drills, locking up Todge Washington twice. There goes the Todge Washington Hope.

And also bumping Eric Azucanma? Yeah, Zooka. Off his route. In the first seven-on-seven period, the Lions foiled five straight plays. Five straight. Okay. DJ Tunga Vialoa looked terrible. Zach Wilson looked even worse.

throwing an interception on his first pass, it was a disgusting display for the Miami Dolphins and made me sort of feel way better about my choice to be a Lions guy this year. Izzy, I will tell you one thing. Brian Branch, good player. Okay. There's a chance. Nick Baumgartner hasn't seen a lot of joint practices. Right.

You know, he says the craziest he's ever seen. Maybe he's only seen a couple. In fairness to the Dolphins, the team you don't want to play in practice is Dan Campbell in the Lions, right? Well, they did, they do have Aiden Hutchinson, and he did. Yeah, but they practice hard. There's no plays off for anyone on Detroit. They definitely practice so hard.

If you looked at those two coaches, Dan Campbell, Mike McDaniel, which team practice is really hard? So it gets a fair observation. Isn't that the problem with the dolphins? Like, they're considered to be soft, so you would want in these joint practices to show that you're not soft. Well, you had one of the players from the Lions, a defensive tackle, I forget his name. And he said, I don't think they practice the way we do. Like that's what we said after you, yes. All right, let me...

Well, no one does. Let me read you a few more of these tweets from, again, Detroit Media, who's there seeing the doll. All right, this is Colton Pouncy. Now, I don't know that fool, but he's there in Detroit. That was the most lopsided joint practice. It's not the same tweet. That was the most lopsided joint practice I've ever seen. Lions dominated both sides.

So now you got a couple that are saying the same thing. Now, you know, I've never been around Detroit Media. I don't think they all get together and decide, hey, we should all. tweet this. These people are watching you're like, all right, so let's see another one here, okay? So again, this is also from a Detroit media member. This guy is called Mike Payton. Oh, Mike, no, I don't know that fool. Either the dolphins are really bad or the lions are just a juggernaut. Not a great day for Miami, Stugots. You know, one of the things that really annoyed me with the dolphins is their play calling on goal line plays, like short plays. They're

always trying this misdirection nonsense, never really fooling anybody, very rarely executing. Here's over an eight-place stretch during a red zone situational period. The Dolphins first team gained little traction despite trying to sow confusion with misdirection tactics. Several runs went for minimal gains. So basically trying the same shit and not being tough again. You don't want to show them too much, is he? I mean, it's preseason, it's practice, you know? I mean... If you weren't trying to show him too much, you would run that bitch right up the middle instead of all this nonsense. He's right about that. He is right about that.

Let me read you one more here. All right. So again, this is from Colton Pouncy. Now, the only reason I know this guy is because I already saw a tweet from him. Otherwise, I don't know that fool. Dolphins' offense just ran 16 or so plays in the Red Zone versus the Lions didn't score until the final play between second units. Miami's first team offense didn't score in the 7 to 8 plays versus Detroit's first team defense.

It was ugly. Lions D is having a day. I mean, was it seven or eight plays? Seriously. Are you watching this practice or not? You're there. Including the punts? How do you not know?

Now, we were hearing the same kind of stuff last week when they were doing the joint practice with the bears. And I understand like Mike McDaniel after the practice, like, oh, you know, Detroit players are saying, I don't think that you guys know what to practice. They don't practice the same way. And Mike McDaniel chalks it up to the whole, you know, there's a lot of noise and that's all it is. It's just noise around us. But, man, like, we're going into a season. You got these two joint practices where it seems like the other team kind of thinks you're a joke. You got Jalen Ramsey out there talking about no one respects the head coach.

The major buzzword around the dolphins right now is culture. And, of course, coming up. And, by the way, you got the Tyreek Hill situation. I don't know, man. Like, it's a lot of things that are out there right now that would signal the dolphins might be sneaky. terrible team this year. I don't think it's sneaky at all. Amon Ross St. Brown said

that the, quote, white elephant in the room was that their offense had been terrible all the way up to Detroit practices. Detroit's offense had been terrible all the way up to these practices. Until they saw the dolphins defense. And now they're totally comfortable. They're fine with their offense. My question there

being is, is he conflating two different phrases? The white elephant in the room? Isn't that a game? Isn't it a pink elephant in the room? It's just an elephant. Yeah, the white elephant in the room is a nice little present. Who knows? It's a mystery. Right. So it's confusing, but I'm pretty sure we know he's basically saying the dolphins.

Isn't white elephant like Yankee Swap for Christmas, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a fun game. That's what they call it in Tony's house. Yankee Swap. Are you concerned about the Dolphins because of practice? Don Carter's and Kendall, rest in peace, by the way. I have the animation that I was talking about that they played at Don Carter's.

You guys have to see this. Can we bring yourself a question? But for a moment, let's pause this. So, Don Carter's, circa 2, 1998-ish, that you would bowl a strike, and this would happen. Oh, yes, the videotron, which, oh, okay, so it's, oh, my God. Wow. They put a face on the bowling pin. The pin is JFK.

And Jackie O. Yeah. In the back of the Cadillac. And then, guess what? Thumbs up, you got a strike, baby. Nailed it, the Terminator. Too soon. What the hell?

So I remember seeing that at my childhood being like, yeah, okay, cool. That is crazy. And you see how they made the shooter blue? All right. So again, because this is, you know, for some people, it's not a visual medium. The, you bowl a strike and like a cool video comes on the screen makes it excited for your great accomplishment. And they show a cartoon. It's a blue circle, you know, stickman kind of guy.

It's a bowling ball. It's a bowling ball, yeah. That's why it's. Yes, it's a bowling ball guy. Yeah, the eyes are holes. And he's a sniper. He's in a building. And he's peering out the wince.

and with his sniper gun, he shoots and kills JFK. No, it's a bowling pin. It just has his face on it. It has JFK's face on the bowling pin. It has JFK's face on the bowling pin. And then just to make it worse, they take the X, which is the sign for the strike, and they crush something and they call it the Exterminator. That's effed up.

That's crazy. Don Carter's early 90s. You had to be there. Wow. Don Liebertard. All right, we got to go back out there. That was big. Wake him up. Uh-oh.

He doesn't want to be bothered anymore. Now it's getting tense because he didn't need that as a result. He needs something that happens. You can see it. Mother Ethel. Can we bother? Are we bothering you right now? Turn on your microphone, Greg.

My microphone's on. Stugats. Paint the scene. The paint the scene is I got to go to work. Good night. This is the Dan Lebatar show with the Stugats. Stugats, you asked me, am I concerned about the dolphins because of practice? No, I'm not concerned about the dolphins because of a practice.

I'm concerned about the dolphins because of all the things that I just laid out to you. Like Chris Greer's doing the thing again. You've noticed this, right? Where fans and media, like Chris, if I were to ask you, what is the thing about the dolphins, personnel-wise, what is the thing about the dolphins that you are concerned most about? right now going into this season. What's the white elephant in the room? The worst quarterback, I mean, cornerback room I've ever seen. Right. That's what the fans in the media are questioning right now is the cornerbacks and, you know, the secondary minus Mika Fitzpatrick.

And Chris Greer is doing the thing again where it's, you all seem to be a lot more concerned about that than we are. And we did the exact same thing with the offensive line last year where he literally in front of everybody, he laughed and said, you guys are a little bit more concerned about that than we are. And as we learned, there was reason to be concerned about it. What would you like Chris Greer to say? We're not good at that position. I wasn't doing my job. No, he's going to say, I'm confident in the cornerbacks that we have, of course. Don't put yourself in position to be caught and just to be dead wrong midway through the season. Like when all your fans are like, we told you the cornerback situation was going to be a problem

and you're getting lit up for 400 passing yards every game, then what's he going to say at that point? You probably should say, hey, yeah, we're taking a chance, some chances on some guys, we're trying. Just because, obviously, we don't have the big names that you're used to, and then try to, you know, manage the situation if you're struggling. But right now, saying, we're not worried about it the way you guys are. If you get lit up, you're fired. The Dolphins might be the first NFL team in history to not play a single play in man coverage all season. I think they're going to play zone defense the entire season. I'm telling you, dude, these cornerbacks, I could be out there.

I don't think you could I could How's your back pedal You're hurting for bowling That's true Okay now Everything we just said About this joint practice yesterday

Which you know People think the dolphins Were an abomination Preseason game two This Saturday afternoon Dolphins Like what if they play well Like what if the Dolph

It's 2424 again Just like it's a Bears They look like shit against the Bears It was 2424 Like what happens if All right They looked okay No but that's my point

Like you guys are down In the Dolphins Because of a couple a lousy practices and reports from guys you've never heard of, and would you be surprised if the dolphins go to Indianapolis and win in week one? No. There's no way anyone would be surprised.

If the dolphins start 2-0, you would not be surprised. Who's the second game? Patriots at home. You wouldn't be surprised. Stu, I would be surprised if Tua makes it through all the snaps in the first two games. I would be shocked if he makes it through all the snaps through the entirety of the season.

He played all 17 games two years ago. He did. Two years ago, right. So you're holding up one year out of how many? Okay, so the odds are in my favor. And if he doesn't play the entire season again, your backup is a name that we recognize, who has looked the worst of all the backups that we've seen in preseason. Get off my team. And so what exactly are we to feel good about? A miracle season maybe? I guess that's what we have hope for. How could it be a miracle season if you know going into it? There's no reinforcements coming for the secondary. I don't understand miracles. They just happen. Okay. Tush. That's true. But your corners are weak.

Your safeties are okay, Minka, I guess, could be somewhat decent. No, safety is an improvement. Javenthalin sucks, and Minka Fitzpatrick is good, so that's an improvement. He's on the kind of downturn of his career. We can say the same thing about Jalen Ramsey, though. Sure, sure. But your secondary is toast. There's nobody there.

And it's like, there's nobody else coming. Well, I guess- I've already lost your best corner for the season. By the way, you see Chop Robinson yesterday. He says he's fine. I don't, yes. I don't understand. If a cart comes out and takes you out,

you better be on the verge of a legacy. amputation. You can't come back and say it was my collarbone, all right, and all's good, because he did. He came back and he said, everything's good, nothing serious. He went on on a cart. I texted my dolphin people. I'm like, no carts unless it's serious. And their reasoning, it's far. It's a far way. Like, the practice field to where they're taking him is just like, what are you going to make a guy with a herd elbow walk 400 yards? Does that change your opinion? I mean, they're wearing a bunch of pads, too. I want to know right away. I want someone to tell me, I want it to be shouted from the carts.

We need a golf cart for everything's okay golf cart and a golf cart with like, whoa, this is not good. Just need a ride golf cart and an injury golf. Right. Yes, right. I like that. Like, they should decorate, like, man, I don't know if you make it dark. Like, put a siren on the important one. I don't know what we do.

Like an ambulance. Yes. Two golf carts. A nothing's wrong golf cart. Right. And a shit's hit the fan golf cart. Like that. Unless anyone else has anything else on the dolphins, I do want to get on to something that was pretty awesome last night.

Anybody have anything else on a terrible team? No, no, we're good. All right. Wait, one final point. The Cuban relationship with JFK is completely different than Americans. Still? So you're saying a Cuban made that. If that's playing at Don Carter.

Did a Cuban own that Don Carter? Don Carter is very Cuban. You think he took shots every time that one came up? It's like, oh, he bowled a strike. Are you ready? Which one's it going to be? Ah, it's JFK dead again. Just providing context for the rest of the nation.

What year you think that was, Tony? I'm being told 95 in my year. So around 98, 99, when I would be bowling as a kid, seven, eight, nine years old. That's what I would see. That's still feeling the residual effects of the Bay of Pigs. 30 years. That's nothing.

What a time to be alive, man. Unbelievable. What a terrible invasion. So last night, the Marlins won at the Guardians last night. Who cares? It doesn't matter. Whatever. There are four games under 500.

No big deal. But you see what this Jacob Marcy did last night? No. So Jacob Marcy. Who is Jacob Marcy? All right. That's a fair question. It's Jacob Marcy.

He was the prize prospect. last year's Luis Arise trade. Remember, we all freaked out. Okay, back up real quick. Who's Luis Arise? Oh, come on. Get out of here. What are you doing?

By the way, definitely people listening asking the same damn question. Oh, come on. Terrible day, by the way, for Billy and Jeremy not to be here, though. But Jacob Marcy was the prize prospect. They got in return, and he made his debut. It was like a week and a half ago. He made his debut with the Big League club. And he came right away.

Like, first game, he was great, and he's been great. Last night, he was four for five with two home runs and seven RBI in the Marlins' 13-4 win. When are they trading him? He has an OPS right now, Stu Gatz. You know what OPS is? No. On-base plus slugging. That doesn't seem like enough letters, right?

OPS for on-base plus slugging? I feel like I needs one more. You want it to be an O-BPS. Yeah. All right. Plus. That I would have knew. You could start that movement.

He has an OPS. of 1,400 right now. Is that a lot? That's good. That's like Barry Bonds, all right? It's better than Bonds, I think. I think it's better than Bonds. I mean, like, I don't know.

Is that something to be super excited about? Like, is it possible? They got one of these kids who was just going to be a superstar? Like, finally, did they trade a player for a prospect that is going to be like a serious dude? I'm not going to, I'm going to go more macro. Like, obviously, Marcy, we're going to see what he turns out to be. But overall, it seems like this Bendix guy knows that's the part.

It just seems like guys that we've acquired are turning out to be decent, which is not something we're used to down here. And then I see like these highlights of, hey, look who we got in the minors right now, this picture and this pen. They're mowing people down. I don't know. Like, is Peter Bendex look like a dork when they signed him? You know, they brought him in. I don't know. Maybe this guy knows what he's doing.

I'm glad you went to Chris for expertise on that because right before you started talking about. What's his name? The president's the team? No, the player. Oh, Jacob Marcy. Yeah, Chris called him Jacob Marce. I didn't. Don't undercut me like that.

Why is he saying you did that? It just didn't say it on air, but he said it. This is gross. What's his OPS? It's $1,400. All right, Bonds' best season was $14.22. That's crazy. I don't know.

It feels like a little something to get excited about. You're a good player, it looks like. I think he's got to keep it up for a little while longer. I get it. I understand. It's okay for the Marlin fan to be excited about something, maybe like 10 games. I mean, Bonds did it for a season. And I understand.

I get it, all right, he's Barry Bonds, the greatest player I've ever seen it. But you're excited. I just, as someone who has not paid very much attention to the Marlins this year, I don't know, that's something I feel like, that's kind of cool. That's kind of fun. All right, there you go. So, yeah, something to keep track up. You know what, Zaz, I'm going to back you up on this.

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