The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Local Hour: Mike's Big Apology

Episode Date: August 21, 2025

"I was listening first, sugar t***." Dan learns about Zaslow's lack of control over his teenagers, Kyle Schwarber's gonna get PAAAAAAIIIIIID, Inter Miami makes our distinctly and uniquely Miami show hate them, and Mike had a mix-up and issues an apology. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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The tequila. That invented tequila. Broximo.com. Please drink responsibly. Quervo. I know that you guys have spent a lot of time in traffic recently. South Florida is brutal. You've heard us talk about it.

It's a reason not to want to live here. Our infrastructure can't handle what it is that we presently have living here. But when the kids go back to school, it gets exponentially worse in a way that makes our streets someplace that makes me like children less. I'm not, I don't even mean for it to happen. I just, I had no bad thoughts about children before traffic. And now that they're fouling up my, my streets and thoroughfares with their learning, that they can just do on AI, that they don't need to go anywhere to go learn, they're getting in the way of everything that's paradise down here. Zaslo, what's your experience been with your

kids and traffic. Your kids can now drive, obviously. Yeah, my kids just went back to school yesterday. Yesterday was their first day of school. And yeah, they're also driving together now. He's got his own car, and so that's kind of wild.

But yeah, I mean, traffic kind of sucks on the way here. It's a little bit like Mad Max on 95 South. I mean, it's... Do you like Dan have a mile and a half commute? Where are you coming from? What county? I'm coming from Cooper City, man. We are out west. North and West.

Dan's got like six stop signs. Against traffic also. Yep. I'm a guarantee of, I mean, that interchange when I'm trying to merge onto 95. I don't like who I am at that interchange. I mean, I'm cutting people off. I got to go. I got to go.

We're trying to survive out there, Dan. When Zaslo says it's Mad Max, I've seen people get out of cars with clubs that have spikes on them. And, you know, they're wearing masks and eye patches. Like, it is. That place. That is an apocalyptic tomorrow. Our traffic cross, you know, crossroads across from just places where they're doing $6 billion of construction. I feel bad for the sheep that just wait at the end of that line.

Sometimes I'm just driving. I see the same lady there every day. I'm like, you're just, you know, you cut over here. You could save like a half hour. Yep. Got to be aggressive, Dan. Come on. I got to go.

Yeah, this is, this is serious business here. I got places to go. Catch you slipping. You missed out. on when we were catching you up to everything that happens. Zaz has no control of his children or his house. One of them booked a flight to Chicago to a good UFC fight

without telling him. Same one then ran away from home. It's just, things are crazy at the Zaslo Manor right now. Yeah, you weren't here for that where he stormed out of the house, took the car. I mean, it's his car, but took the car and they're like, all right, see ya. Okay, among all of our friends,

when I say this thing about all people who are men who are 40, think they're 20 years, younger, understand that Zaslo is the lead toddler in that house. But what's happening in that house, not unlike what's happening in the Cody household, is there are three toddlers running around in that house. And I'm not sure Zaslo is the most mature of them. Well, Ann, there's constant challenging to fights. Like last night right before I went to bed, my younger son, all right, who's going to be 14 soon. My younger son said, because he's growing right,

now he's getting a little bit taller the younger one older ones are already taller than me but the i took his ass down the younger one he he asked me when can i jump when do i get to challenge i was like dude you could you could step up whenever you want player i mean it's going to end poorly for you but you know step up we'll see okay i look forward to how it is this escalates uh chris because your father still thinks he can kick your ass my father still thinks he can kick my ass. Yeah, I think my dad does actually. Yeah.

And he couldn't. I'd whoop that eye. I don't have that relationship with mine. I walked all over the guy. It was my mom that beat the shit out of me. Look, every football game is a grind. And if you're like Dan and the crew, you know there's no such thing as one size fits all. Your sleep should be just as custom as coach's game plan.

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The way that I imagine it in the Zaslo Mansion is that Zaslo is that Zaslo is trying to be in charge, but those teenagers are spider monkeys. They're just sort of climbing up the walls of his life and trying to do whatever they want. And every once in a while, Dad has to elbow them and remind them that for the moment, for the next year or two, he can still physically handle them. Well, and what's happened is, especially with my older one, my older one and my wife, it's become their favorite pastime. It's really what bonds the entire family together.

What's become their favorite pastime is just shitting on me. That's what they do. It's a thing in all families, I feel like. You just go after the dad, at least in my family. Is it? I don't know. Billy, you're... It's true. Yeah, it's true. So you are the...

In your- Leastrespected member of my household. Yes, it's 100% accurate. That's exactly how it works. Okay, so in your- They don't even bother at this point in time and pretending to respect me. That's fine. They'll learn.

They will? How are they going to learn? No, I've said too much. Okay, I don't know that they're going to learn. So what ended up happening? Did they go to Chicago for UFC? No, no, because the way, they didn't have an adult to go with them.

Because I don't know if you're aware, but you can't be 16 and check into. a hotel. They're not going to let you do that. So they post-spot, and that event took place a few days ago. I wasn't aware, but that's a good rule. That sounds like a good rule. You didn't know that then? You can't be 16 and check into a hotel? I did not know that I did not know that there was an age. I assume that if somebody's got a credit card, they've got a credit card, whether it's daddy's credit card or not. It's a credit card. And my son was like, no, no, it's okay. We're going to get someone outside the hotel to check us. And I go, it's not like you're going to the

7-11 and you're asking a bum to buy you beer. It's not the same thing. You're not going to get in. So they postponed the trip. They think they're now going in, I think it's December, maybe November, December, November, to Madison Square Garden. The Mecca. So we'll see. I don't know that that's going to happen, but I had, you've got to be able to control that. What do you mean? You don't know that they're your kids.

They are not of age. It's one of them. One of my boys, yeah. Well, but they're, one of the rules here, Tony, you're in Latin fatherhood, the rule is if you're living under my house, my rules. That's it. There's not flexibility on that. No, you get a so papo. That's it. Exactly right. One gaetta. Exactly right. I guess it's not the same

rules in the Jewish household. Is that right? You guys don't do Gallettas? Yeah, just beat your kids and that's it. The end of story. It's Hispanic culture. Now, we just give them more food. Throw something at you. Your kids are dumb. Like, they could just get like a VRBO or an Airbnb or something, right? You don't even need to check

in. You just, you call, they give you a code, you type it into the lock. It's interesting that you said that. He suggested that. I'm like, no, you're not going without an adult. So I did kind of handle that situation. He didn't go. The event was a few days ago. But yesterday, man, so like I said, yesterday was the first day of school for my boys.

And my older one now has a car. A little emotional for you? Not at all. And couldn't wait for them to get back to school. And so they're going to school. You know, my older one, he's got a car now, so they're driving to school. And great, okay. I'm on my way down here.

here to Miami yesterday. I'm listening to talk radio for like 25, 30 minutes. Big dog. God, it's on FM. Is he still doing the thing? They're listening up in Jupiter. I was not listening to that. And so I decided one, but I'm like, you know what?

I want to listen to music. All right. I'm going to put on music this morning. Yeah. So I pull up my Spotify on my phone. Okay, cool. I pull up the Spotify. It comes up on my screen and it's rap music.

That's just playing. It's lull yottie, all right? Not little yad, it's lull yoddy. Yes, yes, yes. And I'm like, well, I can't change this fast enough. So. What is that? What do you mean, what is that? Okay.

I don't like it. Okay. Hold on. Let's see where he's going with this. What song was it? Do you remember? No. And so I couldn't change it fast enough.

And I put on what I want, and that's Pearl Jam, of course. And so Pearl Jam's on for a few seconds. Of course, it's the only thing that's ever playing. And then it changes back to Loliotti. Like, what the hell is? And then I realize, this son of, my son is listening to the Spotify. And so let me take you in this direction now. How does Spotify have a function where I pay per month for this Spotify?

I can't listen on one end and my son can't listen to what he wants on the other end. It's like only one channel can be used at a time. Can you imagine if you were watching Netflix and then someone else signs into your account somewhere else and all of a sudden you have to watch the movie they want? Why is that? That happens. Well, I think there's new accounts, like family accounts now

that you can have multiple people streaming. Well, who knows that? I did. So, I quickly realize that, oh, my son is listening to Loliotti. And so I text him. I text, and I go, stop changing the channel. You're so old right now.

That's how you text. One finger. I use the one finger. S-T-O-P. And it's especially long to text because I'm using my left finger because I'm a righty. I'm texting him. Stop changing the channel. Can I give a good morning?

No, have a nice first day. The school year. So you're driving the car and you can't, you don't have control of your life. You're in your own car when you're driving around. No. Like a being is changing the channel. It's not a being. It's your son.

And he's overrun the home. because you have no control of your home. So I text him, no hello, no good morning, no, have a great first day of school, your junior year of high school. I just text, stop changing the channel. We're listening to Pearl Jam. And then he writes back, I was listening first, sugar tits. So no Gaeta there.

You're not, you don't want to do a Gaeta there? I think you just drive into a canal and you just say, you know what, I've lost. That's a bar. How old is this child? 16. It's unacceptable. What did you say? I cannot.

Can you imagine me saying this to my father at 16? Sugar tits. I'm listening first, sugar tits. You got sugar tits? I do not. Okay, just make it sure. So I write back, I'm still in charge of the house. He writes back,

two more months clock's ticking and then I'm like eff it man he's gonna be to school in two minutes I'll just use the Spotify when he's done yeah this little Yachty ain't so bad

Billy I have an issue here and there are actually a couple of them there's an office issue and there's a content issue the office issue as I have seen it was really nice to see the camaraderie and the love

on the board of a bunch of people A lot of people getting ready for fantasy, getting ready for football in two weeks. They don't want to talk about Kyle Schwerber. They want to talk about footballs in two weeks. Swarber's having a season, man. When does he not? Three straight seasons of 45 or more homers, nobody else has that. Well, I mean, he's not going to win the MVP, though, because show he's going to win the MVP.

I accidentally drafted Kyle Schwerber in the second round of my fantasy, not that you cared, because it was an, yeah, it was an auto pick. I wasn't intending. I was like, I don't want Kyle Schwerber in the second round. God, what a season he's having. I traded him. That is a crazy stat that Kyle Schwarber is the only guy in the big leagues with three straight 45 home runs. I think he's a free agent, too. He's going to get paid.

It's not the body tight. Why did you do that? Because that's what happens when you get paid. That's right. Zaz knows. He's exactly right. Yeah, that's the cool way to say it. How do your kids say it?

I just kind of want to, I should have, can I call your son and ask him how to say it? Because he's really the authority on this I want to know. Is he? Do we know that? Seems like the type that goes under the bleachers and, you know. Extracurriculars. Nowadays they say get a bag. Whoa.

Do they? That's how you get purred? Dan, that same thing happens to me with Spotify with my daughters and Moana. I don't even fight it. I'm not going to threaten a three-year-old. I'm just like I'll drive in silence.

And I do that. But does she then shout derogatory terms at you? No, not yet. That's coming, though. Yeah, that's coming. Don Lebertard. My algorithm on Instagram is, Dan, it's all boobs.

Stugats. It's a good algorithm. This is the Dan Levitar show with the Stugats. So I was happy to see that all of you were partaking together in a fantasy league, but I saw that Billy was not partaking, and it's not, what do you mean? Falsehood. There's a poor representation of the situation. What is the, what is the, okay, so what is the, are you participating?

What, wait a minute, what's the truth? God here. What do you mean? What is the truthhood? I'm looking at a board and I'd see a lot of names on it and I'm happy to see the community there and then I don't see your name on it. And I was just asking, hey, Billy, you like fantasy. Why wouldn't you be participating in this? I just like to point. We see the board here on the screen. There's lots of people not participating. I was asked two days ago, would you like to be in our fantasy football league? And the response I got or I was asked, do you want to? And I said, well, when is the draft? And the reply I got was, I don't know. And I was like, okay. So then I come in and I see there's a board of already 12 people. And if I'm added, I'm 13. And then we have an odd number in this league. And you never want to be in a league with an odd number. Then teams have a buy one week. And it's like this whole confusion. And then to add me, then we'd have to, if we don't want an odd number, go up to 14. No one wants to be in a 14 team league either. Last year we were in a 16 team league, which is crazy. So it's not that I have anything against anyone or this

fantasy league. I viewed me being considerate by saying, like, when's the draft? I still haven't gotten a date, so I haven't followed up. So presently, I'm not part of this league. An act of altruism by you. It's a very big league. Like, more than 12 is a lot. It makes it impossible to draft people. It makes it impossible for waiver claims. Like, I participated last year. I didn't know until I lost at the end of the season that everyone owed Mike Fuentes money because he made up a buy-in after he won the championship and he texted he said hey everyone needs to zell me $10 or $20 or whatever it is it was never discussed beforehand until he won then everyone had to just send him money which I did by the way because I didn't want to be the guy that owes people money as you fit right in with this

crookery around here the people steal our money from the fine bucket it's crazy it might be him and and now Fuentes it's one of those Fuentes brothers. You can't trust the Fuentes. Mike Fuentes, the camera went on him and exposed him as somebody who won last year's Fantasy League and then all of a sudden started throwing in extra charges

on people. They didn't exist beforehand. It was never discussed or was never at least clearly communicated. I paid nonetheless. However, there were shenanigans. I also participated and I will say won our very forward WMBA Fantasy League last year. Oh, I was the

best at WMBA fantasy last year. Also last year we had too many fantasy leagues. We had WMBA, we had baseball, and we had football. And what ended up happening is that we had some scoundrels here who were making inner league trades. Dude, you do this. You're the biggest funny business guy. I was the scoundrel.

I said we had scoundrels. It was me. I was a scoundrel. There you go. Yes. I didn't even know you were talking about you, but I just know you to be the guy. It's always like late in the season. Who, anybody want this guy for cheap? No, no. It wasn't technically a lie. I mean, he said we had scoundrels. Yeah, I didn't reveal that it was me, but I come out and say that it was me. This is what happened is the WMBA League was a joke of

all kinds in which everybody could just choose someone that they wanted to call Dibzon before the draft even started. What? Yeah, because Rose wanted to get Katelyn Clark. So then my person and I had Dibzon got drafted, so I drafted Kaelin Clark. And I said, you want Kailen Clark? Trade me Tyler Glass now in fantasy baseball. He was the best pitcher in baseball. Oh, that's the kind of interleague trading you. I didn't understand. I'm like, what's an American League nationally, you can't trade with each other? No, no. You're talking about inter-fantasy league trades.

Yeah, when I'm telling you these stories, you should say I don't want Billy participating in my fantasy football league. But that's not what we're receiving today. I'm receiving criticism. Dan, do you understand how rare that is what Billy was doing, where he's negotiating trades in one league to get something in another league? I saw how that happened.

I was a visionary. It escalated quickly to Tyler Glass now, and now you had me intrigued, former Ray. He fell off. Yeah, I know, right? That's what they do, pitchers, huh? Yeah, and as have the Dodgers, incidentally. As have the Dodgers, because Shohei's now all of a sudden getting pelted.

He's not pitching very well. Tony's got a theory that Shohei Otani is evil? I'm working on it, Dan, because everything around Shohei Otani, right? He's been so celebrated. He's got the biggest contract ever. He's got all this stuff. He's a great player. He pitches.

He hits. He's everything. but then you look at him and all the things off the field and you're like there's something trailing him I don't know exactly if it's just like he's just got really bad luck his interpreter stole 40 million dollars and he bed it away okay maybe it wasn't him he screwed up a land deal in Hawaii worth 240 million dollars oh I don't know what happened then you were out there was it the talk of the big island do you hear about it uh which one's the big island Hawaii yeah Hawaii is you just say it the big island aren't they all Hawaii they all are Hawaii yes no All Hawaii?

Big Island is Hawaii. There's actually one island that's Hawaii. There's one island, the big island. Nice. What's a cluster of islands? I thought it was like this is all Florida. But there's a bunch of cities. Is that so?

I think so. I think you might, is that? Let me look this up. I don't know if he pronounced that correctly. How do you pronounce Archipelago? You're intimidating me with your swag. I'm just asking. I think it's Arc.

Archipelago is a group or chain of islands clustered together, often in an ocean or C. Archipelago. From Miami, dude, what do you want me to tell you? Say Alman, too. Okay. I don't think it's archipelago, is it?

I've never heard it that way, but. Anyways, more importantly, Dan, Shohei Otani, possibly evil. Okay. If I, you make the same conversation about LeBron. If he was or if he wasn't, what would you bet your life on? I would, no, wait a minute.

Is Shohe's evil, would you bet your life on? No, wait. Is LeBron doing what Shoe did, or you're just saying LeBron is evil without doing what Shoeh did. He's implying. steroids what Shohei is to evil. Wait, what? I think you mean cursed, though, not evil.

No, he's not cursed. He's fine. Cursed? He's absolutely fine. Evil? Evil. Evil. Where there's smoke, Dan. Again. He is now back on the mound, and everyone is hitting him. The Dodgers are, again, that team's over under on the season was 104 and a half. And it's weird to see the Dodgers, even a long regular season struggle.

but the thing that I was beginning to say around the Fantasy League and all of the controversy there, I thought this sense of community around sports was developing, and I wanted to talk Marlins baseball with you and Jeremy. And then Mike Ryan just starts yelling at me.

That he doesn't want to talk about Marlins, that he's just enough. He's been tolerating these Marlins' conversations. And I'm like, but they were beating good teams there. They were playing really good baseball. You see that game against the Yankees? For like seven weeks, they played best in the sport baseball.

And it was weird to see. And so it got a group of us, a small group of us, excited in Marlins' baseball. And then, of course, it collapsed and the run differential, you know, was minus 60. But we were believing, or plus, plus six, no, minus 60. We were believing for a moment that the Marlins might be able to do something because they were playing baseball for a significant stretch that was very good baseball. And then the wheels fell off of the thing, a little bit, and Mike Ryan is yelling at everybody that we should be talking about

Lionel Messi, we should be talking about Inter-Maiami. You've got a uniquely Miami scandal last night in soccer where we're using cell phone communications that evidently are nefarious after our coach gets ejected and everyone hates Inter-Miamy. Everyone. I'm not saying talk the same amount. I know it's soccer. It's MLS soccer. I think we talk Inter-Miamy and Messi, you know, percentage points on what we do compared to the Marlins. I think you covered the Marlins season. Great. I think we talked more Marlins than we talked to Heat Basketball last year.

Is there a national show talking about the Minnesota Twins this much? I don't think so. You covered it. It's a local hour. What do you mean is this a national show? The Marlins are seven games under 500. I feel like we covered it. And now it's football season.

Thank heavens. It is football season. We got a ranked matchup in Ireland this weekend. That's great, which leads me to an apology I have to make. We covered Kansas State briefly earlier before Dan returned from vacation, and we were talking about Kansas State quarterback Avery Johnson. Gentlemen in the TV truck, can you go ahead and put this image of Avery Johnson on? I said, Amino Hassan asked me, he's a good player, absolutely.

He's a good player? He's a good player, good player. Amina al-Hassan asked me, without an image, is Avery Johnson related to the other Avery Johnson? I'm like, no, Avery Johnson is white. I have to apologize to Avery Johnson. Whoa. Because Avery Johnson is mixed. Showing what are images of Avery Johnson.

There we go. Had that one wrong. Now, you can imagine, as someone that has only watched Kansas State on mute and seeing the blonde hair flipped out of the back of the helmet, and with that complexion, I got this one wrong, folks. I am really sorry. I want to apologize, and anyone who knows me knows how this could happen. I thought Avery Johnson was white. I love how you go with the muted TV excuse like Dan uses sometimes.

The excuse? I had it on mute. I had it on mute. I don't follow their blogs. I just watch them between the lines. Do they say his race when the TV sound is on? No, but they're never on the main screen, right? So I don't see the cutaways to the sideline.

and I don't see him with his helmet off. I just see Avery Johnson slinging the pill. It would be amazing. Avery Johnson back to pass. He's mixed. Honestly, this one's so tricky that they should work that in occasionally. Oh, no. Wait a minute.

This one's so tricky. No, I believe that part of the fun is absolutely in the uniqueness of this is what I've distilled college football down to. I know about 25 of the quarterbacks, and I know that most of them are either, white or black or April Johnson's one of those quarterbacks that you know if you follow the sport. If you're a, like, he's a good player. This is a sneaky Heisman candidate

for a sneaky CFBAR course. No, but hold on a second. Let's go ahead and show this again. Please put on the screen the first photograph, okay? And I thought this was a Dutch volleyball player. Like, so that's just visual there.

Or I was, there's a soccer player running around the Premier League who's also giant like this and Norwegian or something. Like that's not merely white. But I spoke with conviction. I'm like, no, you silly person. It's not Avery Johnson's son.

How can he be? I have eyes. I see a blonde hair flip out out of the back of the helmet. I'm thinking Justin Herbert. So I apologize sincerely. Thank you to the two people on social media that alerted me to this because everybody else just took this one in stride. Okay, a brave move by you.

you, Mike. Thank you for alerting us by way of apology onto a controversy that none of us knew about before you made it a controversy by getting this discernibly obviously wrong in a way that all of two people noticed, even though, like, this, Kansas

State's a legitimate program. And there are only 25 of these, correct? Let's see. I know we're going to start changing the conferences into 28 team leagues, but as we head into this season of Notre Dame in Miami at the top of the schedule, Texas and Ohio State at the top of the schedule.

You get to see right away. Okay, Arch Manning. All right, let's see. You get L.S.Clemson. There's so many great games to start. We've been waiting for two years on Arch Manning to take over the sport. Arch Manning. Thank you.

That's right. Do you still know how to pronounce it or no? Are we up in the air on that? No, we're good, I think. college football is right on us and if I ask you guys how many teams do you know are going to be good it's 30 30 where you know and I'm not saying that it doesn't mean that you're not going to have a whole bunch of average you know Vanderbilt's and Wake Forests running around there but Kansas State would be one of them would they not yeah they're playing another team that

I would lump in as good and I agree like good Duke was good last year they finished on ranked I think that there's about 30 teams that are good. Now, good is subjective. People may say good is only if you're top 10 good, if you're CFP good, relevant in November is good. Whereas, you know, maybe that might be too harsh. Nine wins is an impressive season. Okay, so Zaslo is about to head out with ESPN Radio.

He had to buy gear for this. He didn't have cold weather gear. Zaslo's entire attire, you're looking at it. I'm so unprepared. He went into college. Where'd you end up on the first game you had to buy clothes for and you had no idea, like, what, how cold Wisconsin was? I mean, yeah, it's any number of places.

It was Ann Arbor. It was Madison. I'm there in shorts, and they're like, you're an idiot. Whatever, man. So I dress. It's another good game. Colorado, Georgia Tech. Yeah, I'm in Columbus next week.

I'm very excited. Okay, but I, and we'll have time for that. Don Lebertard. That was a long story. Yeah. It's the only kind he tells. This is a short one for me. I tried to speed it up for you guys.

You forgot about the League's Cup. Stug. Yeah. La Caretta is a place where the best of the celebrations has to be the 97 Marlin celebration because it was Levant. Well, when Fidel died the first time. This is the Dan Levitar show with the Stugats. On the inner Miami story, okay, because in my lifetime, the most famous, managerial malfeasance that there has ever been when someone has been ejected from a game. The most cartoonishly funny one was Bobby Valentine was ejected from a Mets game.

I don't know how many years ago, 25 years ago. Bobby Valentine had an amazing career, and this is what I associate with it. The time that he got ejected and he returned to the dugout in a costume. I can tell. In a costume that's just basically a fake, ridiculous mustache. It's not a good costume. I don't understand. He just had a fake mustache lying around for like a just-in-case. Yes, well, so it's one of the most ridiculous controversies of my lifetime.

And I love that the New York newspapers made a big deal out of it. He was caught on camera. But last night, in a distinctly Miami moment, okay, Marciarano gets ejected from the game, gets a red card, and just goes up in the stands and is as physically close to as possible as he can be to the field while still ejected. he's on the phone and he's clearly and obviously on the phone and he's shouting instructions. He's still coaching. Well, it's not just that he's still coaching. And then the broadcast, they're like, who do you think he's talking to?

And then they cut to the sideline and you see the other coach, clearly holding a phone on speaker, listening like, okay, where? Where do you need this guy? It's amazing. So, so that's, so that's Luis Rodriguez Pagano is the assistant coach and he's holding a phone and he's got a speaker phone on the sidelines. and Zanzlo, who's a journalist. Yeah, of course.

I remind you guys, I don't know whether you guys have noticed recently, but Zanzo's been doing journalism around here because he's a journalist. And he read the bylaws, and this doesn't seem to be like it could be so. Because that's a distinctly Miami, they're cheating. They're obviously cheating. Look, we've got them on camera. It's so cheating. It's so cheating.

And, I mean, I'm just, other teams must see that. And, like, I hate this team so much. And it's not an isolated. It's all encompassing. It's everything that's surrounding Inter Miami, all right? They sign players, even though they don't have salary cap space, and they already use their designated players. Like, no, we don't care.

We're signing the really pretty looking guy named Rodrigo. Like, they're just doing whatever they want. Everyone must hate... Dan, I think I hate them. They're so hateable. I don't think I like that team. It can't be legal. It can't be legal.

And then I read here, cell phone communications. The League's Cup put out a... statement. Interimiamy coach was located in a space designated in accordance with tournament regulations. Cell phone communications. Here's the important part, Dan. Don't interrupt. Cell phone communications are not prohibited per league's cup regulations. He's literally allowed to do what he's doing. What kind of sham throws out a coach and he's then allowed to use technology and still coach the team. Now, Marino's been caught doing a similar thing.

I don't know if this is a rule in MLS. Remember, league's cup says different competition, different set of rules. So, also, you've got no proof that he was talking to the coach. That's all circumstantial evidence. He's Argentinian. He talks with his hands. He doesn't seem to be hiding it. And on speakerphone.

Maybe he knows that it's legal. Because it's not, but prohibited. That's crazy. Also, that seat that he is sitting at is basically the bench. It's an overhang, basically. He's on the bench. Was someone, like, he's in like a club seat, you know? Yes.

Like, was someone in that seat and, you know, they tapped him on, they should like, listen, like almost like when they're commandeering your vehicle, police officer, you know, so we need this. You have this seat and let someone get ejected, then we're going to need to put them there. That seat is so good that I'm sure it's under club control. So there's no, like, hey, we'll get you assigned bat. This is the in case the coach gets thrown out. seat. He asked the, so he wasn't thrown out. It's just, you have to sit here now is what happened. If Belichick did this with the Patriots, it would be genius where you say, what does Inter-Miamy do to prepare for the apocalypse of their coach has been ejected? Throw him in a better

section with better Wi-Fi so he can yell at his assistant coach through the speaker phone. Lost in all this, great win. No messy. Louis Swares gets two P-Ks. They cling on to the game after Tigris hits both posts. It was a great. great game and it's a great win. Have you guys talked at all about the Apple numbers and some of the stuff that's happening behind a paywall when we're about to be headed into a postseason where we're going to get legitimately excited about an Inter Miami team that's, I don't know if I want to say that they're playing for some legacy stuff, but I don't know how many more years of messy you think

you can have before you build the stadium for whatever the future of this league. The stadium is for next season. Taylor Twelman came on with us a couple of days ago and sounded very confident that Messi would be there for the start of that stadium. When you say Legacy stuff, you think there's people on the fence about Messing, like, oh, I don't know, unless he wins that MLS Cup, which I don't even know if that's the championship. Unless he wins that MLS, whatever, then he's not going to get there. I meant the Inner Miami Club legacy, obviously Messies won't be touched at all. But right now, they're a team.

Look, right now what they are is a team. who's got the best player in the world, who very often makes it look like he's playing with players who are outclassed, still the best of them, and they haven't won anything. Or they have won things, but they've won trophies. They've won trophies that Greg and Mike celebrate, but that don't feel like, you know, that the world, it doesn't feel like America's celebrating Miami as a champion. They should be better. They should be better. They should have been more dominant. They should win more.

They get whatever they want. They follow whatever rules they want. They should be better. Mike, am I wrong in thinking that the choke in the first round of the playoffs last year is bigger than anything they've won so far? I think you're wrong, yeah. Yeah, okay. And one so far, they got to the knockout stages of the Club World Cup. I'd say that that's actually a bigger achievement than any of the two trophies. Oh, but I think Zaslo's appraisal of this is more the way the casual appraises this with, oh, they lost to Atlanta when I expected them to win.

That is a massive underachievement. I mean, Zaz has already gone on the record saying he hates this club. And that's part of the fun of what it is that we're headed into, though. This is not a club that creates indifference. I think people are going to largely be indifferent and only notice if they lose. And they either lose and people notice or they get to the final and win it. And that's the only way people notice. The only people that are going to be paying attention to the MLS playoffs are MLS fans.

I think that loss hurt them a lot last year. These games aren't sold out, man. I look at the stands on games like last night. There's so many empty seats now. It's a different competition. It's not grouped in with your MLS. and ticket package, so what? This game last year, this game a year ago would have been sold out. All those games last year, and certainly the year Messi debuted with Intermimey, that building

was packed. They get really good crowds for the MLS games. This is totally different. Really good or sold out? This is messy we're talking about. No, they get really good crowds for the MLS games. They get packed. They get for the season, they have a good season ticket base, especially in the seats that are on camera. The ones that are are a little thinner on cup matches, especially when Messi doesn't plays, are the ones that, you know, are blocked off for VIPs. But they get really good crowds. It's a different, it's a different ticket structure.

I was about to compare what happened last night to Bobby Valentine, but I cannot do it if it's legal. I can't, I'm unable. How is it legal? It's cheating that didn't, it looked like I was celebrating Miami cheating. There are two people who are going to deny. They are going to use the defense. I'm a spicy Argentinian.

Everyone's talking that way down here. In every gross, in every Sedano's that's down here, there are people talking that way. That's just how our people talk. Maybe he was getting an Uber. Have you ever been following the Uber and they take the wrong turn and they just keep getting further and further away? It doesn't make any sense. Do you have GPS? You have to call them and say, where are you going?

I wanted to ask you guys a question. I found myself thinking of you guys because I got stuck in Los Angeles. I left without a phone to somewhere, and you just mentioned Uber, and it made me think of this, because I cannot believe how tough the taxi industry has to have it right now. And Uber's got just like this giant sexual assault problem because, oh, what could possibly go wrong if you're just getting into strangers' cars all the time and the vetting's poor? And we just take all the driver's money and give them 30% of what it is. is that he's making and just, you know, get rid of cabs.

But I walk, I'm asking you guys this question sincerely right now. I don't know the answer to what I'm asking you. I don't have my phone on me. And I'm so dependent on my phone that if I can't go now call an Uber, I'm just walking to a local gas station and I go in and I talk to the attendant and I'm like, can you call a cab for me? And he doesn't know what I'm talking about. He doesn't know what a taxi is.

This was this year you did this? This was the two weeks ago. I mean, you didn't need your phone. You're disconnected, Dan. What do you do in that situation? Just solve the problem for me. Just walking into the gas station, trying to explain to somebody what a taxi is. I might go, I think they knew what a taxi was, Billy.

They just didn't know who to call, I would guess. No, look, I'm telling you, this happened to me the other day, and these are weird things that are happening to me, where somebody's holding a nickel up to me and saying, how much is this worth? No. If you start putting the 20-year-olds in charge of things, they're not. going to know what was happening 10 years ago. And so when I say, I'm asking you for a legitimate problem solve. I'm trying to explain a taxi to a worker here whose English is a bit spotty, and I'm having trouble explaining what I need, and this person doesn't know what I'm talking about.

If I have cash and there's other people there that aren't the gas station worker, I'm being like, hey, can you order me an Uber and I'll give you cash for it? I mean, I'm just start walking, wait to see a cab. I'm with you. There's not a lot of options. here without a phone. So were you at an Airbnb, where you had a hotel? Like, where were you physically that you... A manner? Oh, I was just, I was, I was, I was near a gas station. Yeah, but you had to be somewhere. You know, you're right. I have a manor that comes with its own gas station. I was right next door. I didn't even need an Uber. I just wanted a golf cart to take me seven steps. What language did the person speak? They didn't speak English? They did speak English, but it was,

you know, it was, it was fractured English. Because if it was Spanish, you know Spanish. Yeah, and Pippel has a song called a taxi. So that's how I would have explained it? Yeah, I mean, they should know what a taxi is. If you speak Spanish, you know, Pipple songs, duh. Beep, beep, meelopado. It's a double entendre. Melopadol could be like it stops, but it could also be like it made it stand.

He was talking about his weener. Pipple loves those double entendres. He really does. Yeah. Like when he said, here go those egg whites, I don't think he's talking about nutrition. Oh, no, no. Guys in English major. I like having to think sometimes.

Well, they mean, it could be two different things. Yaddy can do that. I like that. Put it on the poll, please, Jujua at Levitard show. Do you like double entendres? I did not have Zaz saying that today. I was not expecting that. Zaslow, how is the audience reacting in general to the fact?

I'm feeling like you might be being judged or shamed. We all parent differently. But your inability to get discipline over kids who have run amok on you, and your last stop is I'll still be able to beat you up. physically. Yeah, that's right. That's what it blows down to. All right, as long as I can make you tap, I'm still in charge of this house.

All right. This doesn't seem like order, though. This doesn't... Quite the culture you've created. I'm doing just fine. Like, everything's worked out all right. What if he hits you with a spinning nerds back elbow? Yeah, we'll see. I mean, hasn't happened yet. He learned that one, though, on Saturday. He did. He did.

We'll see, Dan. I mean, right now, your boy is still in control. Are you walking around your home and at any point there can be an overthrow of the government, a coup. Well, not with my older son. He has to wait two more months. That's why he said two more months, clock's ticking because you got to wait six months after you attempt, you know.

So I got two months before I got to start looking over my shoulder, you know. But my younger one, like I told you last night before I went to bed, my younger one, who stands no chance. But my younger one was like, do I get to challenge whenever I want? I said, yeah, you can try. So we'll see. I came. I saw I conquered, better said

I saw, I conquered, I came. Wow! That was on the radio. What do you think he meant when he said, yeah, right, picture that with a Kodak? Better yet go to Times Square and take a picture of me with a Kodak. See, double entendre, man. I don't think that's that. Now is a good time to remember

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