The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Local Hour: The Fifth Zagacki

Episode Date: April 4, 2024

Today's Cast: Dan, Stugotz, Amin, Chris, Jessica, Jeremy, and Tony. DAN IS BACK! Because our sports host is officially back, it's time to discuss knowing which gas station will have the winning Powerball ticket, the other Gronk, why infographics are destroying America, and to hear from our third, fourth, and fifth Zagackis. Plus, Dan is upset Billy isn't here because he could enjoy Billy's Marlins suffering, Basketball Illuminati used to exist, and are we experiencing the resurgence of LaVar Ball? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Jersey City, New Jersey, please drink responsibly. This is the Dan Lebatore Show with the Stugat's Podcast. Today's episode is sponsored by DraftKings. Stay tuned because you'll hear more about DraftKings and all it has to offer throughout the show. DraftKings, the crown is yours. I am slightly concerned over the last couple of years as it relates to Stugat and a habit that he has picked up Another habit that he has picked up so that he can have action next to the action of daily scam Action that he has every day. Thank you. He has developed I believe an

addiction to these lotteries. He has got so many Mega Million tickets. He's got so, I don't understand why you're buying so many of them. I don't ever hear about you winning. I have Mega tickets, I have Powerball tickets. I drive around town to town. I'm not feeling good now.

I drive around town to town, Dan. Here's the key to playing Powerball and playing Mega Millions. And I have Powerball tickets in my bag right now, but I have no idea if I won last night. We'll check during the show. Ooh, geez. But what I do is I drive around. I drive around the Midwest.

I'm on a gummy. I'm in the passenger seat. I drive around the South. I'm on a gummy. I'm in a passenger seat. I drive around South Florida. I'm on a gummy. I'm in a passenger seat. I drive around South Florida I'm on a gummy. I'm in a passenger seat. We got it And I try to scout out good locations where a winning lottery ticket would be sold. I like this. Thank you

I like this idea because you don't buy winning lottery tickets at random places If you there's a there is a theme or a trend it's never like oh, I got it from Safeway No one ever gets a winning lottery ticket from a chain supermarket. Right. Stu, what are you running from? What do you mean? Why are you trying to get out?

Why are you trying to get away? Why are you trying to play the lottery so much? What are you trying to get out of? They are. What are you trying to escape right now? The winning ticket, ladies and gentlemen. I mean, it's over a billion dollars right now. 1.2.

It's the ultimate end game. I'm with Stu. I love just the idea, like, let me hit it one time. I'll still come to work, but let me just have the money. No, It's the ultimate end game. I'm with Stu, I love just the idea, like let me hit it one time. I'll still come to work, but let me just have the money. No you won't. I will. Is there a more done topic in all of radio and podcasting than if you win the lottery, what are you gonna do?

I feel like that is the number one conversation in the history of mankind. Well what would you do? We've done it at least like six times just in the last year. And it's always fun. It's always, it never gets old. It never gets tired. It never gets boring. But my fear is I'm going to have a winning ticket

and be the one that loses the winning ticket because I have no idea where my tickets are. I mean, they're everywhere. You need to do what my dad does. I have them in my car right now. Just stash them in the car. That's what my dad does. There's just a million of them from over a year. I don't even know if he checks the numbers.

I think he just likes to fill out the Scantron. You guys have friends that will be like, oh, you're wasting your time, you're wasting your money with this. One of my friends the other day was like, put that $10 in an IRA. My other friend's retort was, that's not going to get me a billion dollars in 40 years. Is the other friend Priya?

Yes. She's my Powerball ticket boy. We have a Powerball ticket. We have a Powerball packed. I've said it before on the show. She does all the Powerball Mega Millions purchasing. I will just get a cut. I don't do anything. But you just kick in?

No. You don't even kick in? She asked me to, I would, but she's never asked me. What a deal for you. Yeah. We gotta talk to Priya about that. The final number last night was 15, and on my first sheet I have a 15 as my final number.

Oh! I'm with Stu Gatz though. So close! Just find a way. Better buy some more. I'm with Stu Gatz though. You wanna assess the gas station. The way you do at a flight,

is this the one that goes down, you're assessing the people around? It's the same thing. What? No, you know how I know. Is this the Boeing? You know how I assess it? I look in the mirror, I'm like, it's not going down. I'm on, yeah. We're good. I always look around, it's the same thing. No, you know how I know. Is this the Boeing? You know how I assess it? I look in the mirror, I'm like, it's not going down.

We're good. I always look around, I'm like, that person's not dying today. We're good. Is Tony the backup pilot? We're flying, trust me. We are landing that thing. What is happening, what is happening with the delusion

that you will win this, that you know what a winning gas station looks like. Potentially. It has a look, Dan. You know when you see it. Potentially, yeah. But I'd like for you to explain to me, you guys are all nodding when he says, yes, I look at a place and I know whether that looks like a place that would give away a billion dollars and I don't

understand what the what any of you are talking about. Allow me to explain Dan when I go out to get lottery tickets. My wife says, why don't you just go to the Publix right down the street in Parkland? That's a rookie move. You want to know

why I don't go there Dan because that place is never going to generate the winning ticket. I go to Tamarack. That's where I go. I mean I just drive around University Drive until I find something. I'll give you two other places where I guarantee you'll never get a winning ticket. Those automated machines, right? Like a vending machine? No. And then they've done this now. They've launched

an app where you can play on your phone. I'm like, absolutely not. The winning ticket comes from a filled out Scantron handed to a gas station clerk who's got grubby hands, like their hands are all gray from all the dust and stuff. And then you also have to get like, you know, something like a pack of cigarettes from behind them. That's where the winning ticket comes from. It has to be a place where if you could picture it in a news story about where the winning ticket was purchased,

you'd be like, wow, that seems like a, the BP in Tamarack, ah, that seems like a place where they'd sell a winning ticket. You read it and it sounds legit. Somewhere where the shifts are very defined because when they sell the winning ticket, they're going to go there and interview the guy that sold it. And he's like, yeah, like the customers came in and I can't believe that's happened at my store. Cause I think they get a bonus, don't they? I want to say that the place that sells

the winning ticket gets a bonus. What kind of bonus? Like just the- You want to say, you just said it. You said it. A little like, thank you. There's a bonus, there's a tip. I want to say you're right.

Instead of going to education. I think there is a bonus then. Instead of going to education, we're just going to give that lucky little gas station over on Levine, we're going to education. I think there is a bonus then. Instead of going to education, we're just gonna give that lucky little gas station over on Levine, we're gonna give them, we're gonna break them off a little percentage that could go to the kids. Something off the top.

You're right, I'm seeing. Bonus commissions for selling jackpot winning tickets. If you sell $5,000 for selling a $2 million winning ticket and $1,000 for selling $1 million winning tickets ticket and a thousand for selling one million dollar winning ticket And then it goes landing machines you're right You're never gonna get like a million dollars out of one But I've won a lot of money in scratch offs from the vending machines To Amin's point though, I don't trust anything electronic. That's the thing. It can give me something fake.

Electronic roulette, please. Electronic blackjack, I know you're cheating. Everything is cheating if it's electronic. Cause they can program it. They've actually done this in Vegas where the big thing happened with the slot machines. We're all like programmed to make you lose. To program to not win.

Yeah, to not win. I agree. There's a couple of things I do when I get my lottery tickets. I tell the person, I'm gonna retire you if we win. Now I'm not gonna do it. I hope it's not binding. I hope there's no video.

That's why you have to go to like a cheap gas station because they don't have video, okay? But I always tell the person, hey, I win, you win. All right? You can buy this gas station. That's one thing I do. The other thing I do, I never fill out a sheet without the number 23.

MJ. Stugats, please. You out a sheet without the number 23. MJ. Stu Gatz, please. Just real quick. I think I won. I will get to your superstitions and whatnot in a moment, but I don't know whether I've been off and everyone here is sick, and I don't actually know if Chris Cody was just doing an impersonation in my ear or whether I just heard delivered to all the appearance I had not discovered yet of a third Zagaki roaming around here with his politics

showing and this third Zagaki is not as good as the first two Zagakis it but I appreciate are you telling me that while I was gone while I was gone a third Zagaki was born and I think I heard, correct me if I'm wrong here, Jeremy trying to partake in a fourth Zagacki and I am here for a future where I'm surrounded by a chorus of clucking Zagacki. You know what it means when you have four Zagackis dead. You don't have one. I don't. Were they here when you need me? Did I just hear? Oh! That was flimsy. My voice never cracks. Alright well since since we're moving into a serious place I saw Ralph

Nader get involved where he says sports betting is gonna change all of professional and college sports and you should know like we're right in the middle of all of these sports leagues are terrified of the gambling problems that approach as gambling floats the media industry and gambling pays for everything in sports and we're gonna now start moralizing about oh I'm a little scared now if I'm Adam Silver even though I've gotten into bed as all of these leagues have with everybody that's involved with Gambling to help normalize it and these leagues should be terrified of everything that's happening America has a gambling problem, but it's lotto But it's but it's mega, but it's mega millions

It's not a problem like most people are gambling responsibly well I don't know what Stu gots is doing because and and I want Tony I want you to elaborate on what your question to Stu gots is because you've got him up to something I've got him always and to me It's just a get rich get rich quick scheme the most the most cliched of them like he wants to spend a few hundred bucks here in the hopes that he could be a Billionaire it feels to me like the moment that a billion of one point two billion dollar ticket Caches and Stu gots hands from the BP in Tamarack will be the last day that we ever see

Stu gots ever again No, I mean here yes here, but I think we'll see him on TV I have the idea that's you got because Dan says this all the time so gots cannot stay away from a microphone So the first month sure he's gonna travel the world with his wife and kids are gonna have fun They're gonna go on these exotic vacations doing that regardless. He's gonna play golf and some of the But at some point at some point he's gonna get antsy and he's gonna be want to be on with like Mikey C and rigging Mikey A and Mikey T

rigging up and Mikey Mikey Mikey Mikey T Mikey G and the Bubba Watson and yeah, Java Chamberlain all those guys my guys the other Gronk Yeah, they're all gonna get together the other Gordy Not Chris Gord, right? I don't know. Yeah, they're all grunts to me I know there's the one that plays in the other ground the wrong Gronk. Is that what you're saying? You're not even saying it's the other guy Gronk saying it's no, but you're not saying it's not Gronk is that what you're saying you're not even saying it's the other Gronk. You're saying it's no but you're not saying it's not Gronk you're saying it's even second and third degree Gronk adjacent. No I'm saying that anyone who's not the Gronk that plays is just the other Gronk. There's Rob then there's Chris I think it goes in this order and then Gordy Gringaski. So there's we

love Gordy. This is what I just heard from you there's Gronk and then there's the other Gronk and the other Gronk. Okay, so all right. So this is the third Gronk is what you were saying. They all work hard. Yeah. I'm sure they do. I mean they're all the same. One just happens to be one of the greatest tight ends of all time. Yes. Birthing an economy. An economy of Gronks. Famous Gronks to roam the land. Hey friends, it's Mike Ryan and a lot has changed over the years. But one thing that hasn't, great and dependable taste, a Miller Lite. It was the original light beer and to this day it is still the best one.

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Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 calories per 12 ounces. Don Lebatard. Stugots, if you give him the choice, Stugots, you can have the very same thing one of two ways. You could get it honestly or you could steal it. He'll always choose stealing it. Stugots. Well, it's the quicker path.

I mean, it's just, you know. This is the Don Lebatard Show with the Stugots. I saw in the athletic, I I think was David Aldrich writing for the Athletics. He was writing about how players are saying that fans who are gambling are even more dehumanizing than they were before. Shocker. Yeah, that now you're losing me money and the way that the players are being heckled is because the arena is more aggressive this way when like, oh my god, now we're going to make it this clearly sort of the gladiator, I've got money rolling on this and this is sort of, I'm going

to watch the spectacle here, you just cost me money because you made one three instead of two and I had you at one and a half over threes for the game, and now I'm yelling all sorts of dehumanizing insults at you. This is a problem that has been in the shadows for a while, but now it's all out in the open, and I ask you, how different is it? I think it's not that different.

From Stugats's present addiction to these dumb tickets. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I think because of fantasy, this has kind of been going on for a while. People have been getting mad at running backs for not getting me enough fantasy points for probably over a decade now. People were mad at Damar Hamlin for dying on the field

because they reset fantasy football scores because that game didn't finish. A lot of leagues had confusing games. Talk about dehumanizing, like fantasy football, come on. Like that's been doing that for years. Hold on, Jeremy, but this is where this started this started right this is where some of this started that was also joke awhile ago when fantasy just started that there was a joke you'd say to a player you see

joe mixon in the street you say are you cost me i needed that touchdown and it was a joke but now more more when there's money involved you entitled to it you're entitled to i can say whatever you want to this guy he just cost me money well fantasy is different there's not an instant payout so does it impact your season perhaps but you don't get paid out until weeks later until after the season's over this is instantaneous this is your money on the line as the game is being played and it's happening at all different times like you have that bet first team to score ten points like you have fans yelling at all different times. Like you have that bet first team to score 10 points.

Like you have fans yelling at all different times at all different players at every single game. This is in the same vein as the people at Inter Miami fans are because all the prices are crazy and Messi isn't playing a lot. So people want to know ahead of time. Is he playing? This is the same kind of conversation of entitlement to me. If I'm gambling on a sport, I'm taking, like, I know the risk.

If a guy doesn't play well, that's just part of it. Like, same thing, if I buy a ticket to Inter Miami, if Messi's out that game, that's just part of this. Like, I don't think there's any, we're too entitled. Like, I agree with everything Dan's saying. People are upset about all these things, but it's just entitlement. I'll tell you what, I had a player tell me

that the thing about this that is different from when people were just like, oh my God, you blew the game or whatever, is like, we're winning, and I had a great game, but like, your line was something. So I had a player that had a spite, like if a guy's yelling at him, I'm like, hey, I need you to hit two more threes

to hit my over, the guy's like, I will purposely just stop shooting threes. Like, we're winning, and like in the, I need you to hit two more threes to hit my over the guys like I will purposely just stop shooting threes They were winning and like in the I love that and I'm doing well. It's on the fan. Don't open your mouth Okay, but you guys are you guys are talking about entitled here and what I will tell you is the more you dehumanize the athlete Less and less and less and less and less and less and less human the more you are entitled because any of us talking right now is a i'm not entitled to someone else's humanity but here you put money on it you put money on it

and and now that the the the conversation gets course but i really do want to compare with what man i was stunned that we were in las vegas in the super bowl conservative entity the nfl a servant of entity. The NFL, a conservative entity. Hold on, you were stunned? Yes, I'm stunned that in 10 years, we've-

Did someone say conservative entity? Wow, no! Oh, see this is why. Hers is better than mine. In the fifth Zagacki. How is the fifth Zagacki better than the third and the fourth Zagacki already? How is that possible?

New Zagacki rankings. How is that possible new the gaggy rackings top five? learning at the knee I Mean Tony's is I think Tony's is the best It's better than Mike's CT five the gags number five Chris I Want to get back to Stugatz though, and him, you believe how would his life change? Because Stugatz wouldn't be in a place where he was not allowed to give his sports opinion to people when he wished.

So you've got him off on some island, and I understand why you think he'd be golfing all day, but he's going to have opinions on a Monday after football and he's going to want a place to put him. So I don't think it's just retiring to some island somewhere. I have, I figured it out. Stugats, what he'll do is he'll parlay the amazing story of him winning the lottery to become like the biggest guest on the whole sports circuit. So instead of having his own show. A billionaire who doesn't need sports. Exactly, so he'll go on Rich Eisen,

he'll infiltrate Dan Patrick. Eisen won't have me. No, they will when you win the lottery. When you're a billionaire, they absolutely will. Absolutely will. Can I ask you guys a question? I didn't just realize, I just realized this. Because when Stugat said Eisen won't have me on, I think Sampson's filling in

for Isen. We were just back here when you said Isen, we're like, can you believe Sampson's doing Isen? What, really? Really? I think he's cheating on us. I don't like this. Tony show alum. Wow.

I just learned of this. How do we feel? Sampson wants some stardom. He's doing shows, he's doing a tour, and now he's filling in for Richeisden I was like, whoa, I didn't know that that I mean that's a big seat. That's not a small seat It's a small person sitting in the seat. Yeah, do we do the thing where? What Matt Ishbia did like if you go over there, you can't come back over here

Isn't he competing against us right now like that's David Samson right now an employee for metal lark Is he not just right now competing against us? What. Isn't David Sampson right now an employee for Metal Lark? Is he not just right now competing against us? What's his contract look like? I'm sure he'll find a way to wiggle out of it. I bet whatever he's doing on Rich Iden's show, I bet he doesn't have this. You gotta go pee pee. Yeah, you know me. You gotta go pee pee. Yeah, you know me.

You gotta go pee pee. Yeah, you know me. You gotta go pee pee. Let's wait to see. Good job, Yeti. You think he's got that, Streeter? What is that show? What time is that show?

Is that at noon? Is that going up against us as we release our podcasts? David Sampson is going to be competing against our show. It is noon to 3 p.m. Eastern. It's on Roku. It's on Odyssey Why are you sending people there? No, no one asked a question No, don't answer the question. Don't you know how to play this game Dan? I don't know I only watched the DraftKings network exactly who's Who's Rich Eisen? There you go, even better. Well, I think that he and Stugatz don't get along. I heard jealousy in Stugatz right there.

I think what Sampson's doing today you're jealous of. No, I'm just imagining if I did it and the reaction that I would get. Reminds me of the April Fool's tweet that I saw that said Stugatz was getting a job with WFAN that a few people sent me and I was like, come on Stu gots would actually have to go to this job. Number one number two it was the laziest like like didn't they didn't bother to write like some expositional story it was just a picture Stu gots

it's it's what would turn into you put anything a picture person in action a little logo and a quote in that specific font with quotes around it, people take that as fact. I cannot count the number of times my friends have been fooled by the internet just because it came in a clever infographic. Infographics, you wanna talk about what's destroying America?

It's not sports gambling, it's not gambling. It's infographics. Those things are the worst, the absolute worst, and people keep falling for them, and I'm sick and tired of it. Like, they don't even attempt to say, wait a second, where was this reported? Let me look at the fine print,

hat tip to such and such, let me go Google that article, that podcast, nope, nope, I'm just gonna take its word for it because of the font. The infographic has such validity in social currency that if you see quotes, you're like, oh, I'm locked in. I got to read it. They must be true.

That's how ball sack sports blew up, right? Like, we interviewed him on Basketball Illuminati. Shout out to that great podcast that once existed, right? We interviewed the guy, and he was like, because his quotes were going viral. He's right. What was that? RIP.

Stating facts. But what was that? It was a great podcastIP. Stating facts. But what was that? It was a great podcast that once existed. With third eye open. There's a lot of those around here. You know? Where it used to be. It's like ancient civilizations.

Remember the ancient Egyptians? Look at the pyramids. Oh my God. Thank you. Look at that episode of Basel Al-Luminati. Oh my God. There's stupidity. There it is.

Just flying around there. You go, people tourists go. You know, they got the Parthenon, you got the Colosseum in Rome, and then you got a... The broken tip pyramid of basketball Illuminati. Then you got off the looking glass over here. You were saying.

But yeah, the guy was telling us, he's like, he noticed... Who would have seen this popularity in women's sports coming? Dog, dog, yo. The number of like, A, huge women's sports stories and B, conspiracies in basketball that have happened since both of those shows went off the air, it's like, you know what?

Maybe have a little patience. Maybe that's the lesson. Is it? Is that the lesson? Because it seemed like you were headed somewhere else before you started talking about Basketball Illuminati, a podcast that once existed. Yep, a great civilization.

Like Atlantis, the lost city of Atlantis. We may have found it, by the way. But you were saying before that. Yes. What? We may have found it. We're finding oceans under oceans now, Dan. It's a crazy time.

If you look at, there's a place in the Sahara Desert that has these seven rings, just like Atlantis. Keep it out. Put it on the poll please, Juju. Are we finding oceans under oceans now? What is Joe Biden doing there? Also put on the poll please, at LeBotard Show, have we indeed rediscovered Atlantis?

Because I don't think we have. We can't get there though. We can't get there, because it's a very dangerous stretch of Saharan Desert. What are you saying though? With pirates and with other rebels. Anytime Tony's got this body posture. No, but Tony, what are you like? It's terrifying.

Terrifying? I'm just trying to put you guys on game. Tony, all right, so wait, wait. You're trying to put me on game that Atlantis has been rediscovered and has- I'm putting it on the screen right now for you all. The least surprising thing that Lewis has had this ready show. You know what that is? Do you know what that is, Dan?

The white stuff? It's salt. If we can zoom out, I don't think we can here. We can make the world's largest salted rim margarita. Let my boy cook. This is hundreds of miles away from the ocean. How did that happen? Just putting that out there for you.

Something to ponder. Yep. Put it in the file? Upload it. Hold on. Ocean's under oceans. Checkmate. Bishop the Rook nine.

Welcome back Dan. Thank you. Put this on the poll as well, Juju at Levitard show, are infographics indeed destroying America? I agree with that take because then there will be like a three hour show the next day That's just reacting from the infographic question, but sometimes it's our show

Tony you said that it's dangerous because they're pirates. Why the hell are pirates in the middle of nowhere there Well, there's pirates in the water if you're trying to get to like where that is This is the Saharan Desert right, but I'm saying on the on the coast There's pirates if you're trying to get in but once you get in there's rebel groups around that area. I'm flying No, you can't fly You can't do the Sudeikis chopper with Pablo. Forgive me though. Just forgive me for a second Just forgive me in the middle of this. I still don't know what this infographic is Like I don't know what you guys are talking about

Like what what are you, people falling for what? Wait, you don't understand the concept of infographic? No, this one, the one you're saying is it relates to stugats. Yes, you're saying, you're talking about something so inside that I don't know what you're talking about. And you're saying it as if everyone knows that an infographic reported something about stugats

and I'm learning about it for the first time. I'll tell you where you can find out all about it, Dan. You're gonna learn everything. Just go to the slow report. They'll have it in about a week. Don LeBretard! David Sampson, weirdo. Because he was not the fun substitute teacher who'd wheel out a TV and play a VHS tape of Armageddon in science class. He was the weird one who would eat an egg salad sandwich while clipping his toenails into the trash can and ranting about Ronald Reagan. Stugats!

The guy kept talking about how his ass was smooth. Smoother than a newborn's cheek. He wouldn't stop bragging about his bare buttocks to me. This is the Don Lebathorar Show with the Stugats. I don't know, Stugats, where exactly it ranks on the greatest joys of sharing fandom with your friends, okay? But enjoying the suffering of someone you care about allegiances when sports are laughing at them I think is one of the great joys to be found anywhere

in sharing friendship around sports, okay? And so I was very eager, because our crew's sick, we took a beating this week, and I was eager to come in here today and make fun of billy i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i armistice what most historic game in a way that nobody ever loses after making the playoffs and firing the one woman or not are making it so uncomfortable for the one woman in her front office that they were going to motor and right out of the gate what do they do their new genius raise g m starts all

in seven and i was so good to see you one of the worst spends in the sports history on his first at that is getting booed strikes out and then complains they shouldn't be booing me when that's one guy they are paying and they're going to lose jazz chism and they don't know how to make money and they're just creating diabetes in the outfield with that all you can eat uh... buffet come watch us at the lowest ticket price to god's stugatsch yes you see what's happening with the age right

opening day a's was $19, 12 people there. Marlins were $13. They were the businesses failing in Miami. It swallowed Jeter. They made the playoffs and then they come out of the box here with a start no team has ever started this way after making the playoffs. Oh, and seven and all seven games at home. That's amazing. They're a favorite in all those games. They played two bad teams in the Pirates and the Angels.

No, the Pirates aren't bad. The Pirates started this way last season. Well, the Pirates have played the Marlins and the Nationals. So you'll see how that goes as they start playing some tougher teams within their division and elsewhere. But they're off to a good start. The Marlins, there's a lot of baseball history, Dan. And to have the worst start of a team

that made the playoffs the year before is not ideal. What's crazy is they had their best opening day attendance since 2016 and then did this and kind of squandered all of it. Coming off a playoff season, but what Dan is saying, cause Dan loves baseball, Dan wants the Marlins to be good, but you want Billy to be miserable more? Is that what you're saying?

It's just the comedic fodder of Burger King wants to give away a whopper for the Marlins winning a game and they haven't been able to. And it's a whole home stand and it was, and people don't think the angels or the pirates are any good. That's trout. Don't tell me He's not good. He hit a ball further than Stan never hit one. It was 500 feet I win something tired of him. Yeah, solo home run. He's gonna hit 40 homers get 43 RBI

I know what you mean do nothing. He's unbelievable. He's not boring and nobody can ground into a double play like Garcia They're the best in the league at having a player who can ground into a double play like Garcia They're the best in the league at having a player who can ground into a double play though If you're looking for elite they're elite at ground there, but their bullpen stinks Burger King wants to give away a whopper They want to feed Miami to death. Okay, they just want to feed us here $13 tickets It's like fed us bullshit. They felt like this is man This is baseball's last business brothel house Like they came in here and just took everything and are going to leave nothing but bones. Like it's just going to be skeletal remains. Don't watch the baseball, just eat, please.

Samson got, Samson tricked Jeter and A-Rod into, yeah, we'll fight over teams. And then they sold it for too much. And now the economy just rocks it. Like they've got no chance coming out of the gate this way. And, And the part though that overrode all of that for me is that as the Panthers head into playoffs and Jimmy Butler's riding around the streets of Miami on a horse, Billy gets finally the start to his season after a playoff run. And in our most historic sport,

seven games at home lost out of the gate, bullpen falling apart. It's like the worst way a season can start. All you can eat seats. Do I get the Gator dogs there too, can I? I don't believe the Gator chili dog qualifies. You got pretzels, burgers, hot dogs, all sort of your standard ballpark food.

But a Gator chili dog, I'll tell you. I want that dog. I want that, I've never wanted a dog more. As bad as this Marlins team is, it inspired me. And I think it should inspire Marlins fans to get creative and write a song. I got in the lab, I got with Yeti, and I wrote a song about my sadness with this Marlins team.

["When I Wake Up"] When I wake up in my Marlins world, one clips at our lineup and it makes me want to hurl. Hey Sandy! Hey. We miss you, out till next year we are so f***ing screwed. Come on, what did you think this team would do? It hurts, it hurts, and we all lose. We stink at doing everything.

Horrible from head to toe. Who'd want to go? Hello, hello, we stink. It's worse than you think. We sell one dollar tickets cause Lucid looks so good on us Samson, he won't have that Rich Eisen, I can't believe what Stugatz is just showing me here Cause he's just turning the camera to me and it's Samson You guys in video need to get this

It's on an airplane and he's saying Looking forward to sitting, this would have been good to God's to give video instead of just giving it to me. Read the copy, read the copy. But Sampson is saying in, he's taunting us. What's he saying? He is, well he said he's excited to fill in

for Rich Eisen and thanks for the invites. Looking forward to sitting in your chair, Rich Eisen. How many shows of this size are there in America? Five? Five shows this size? Us, Rich Eisen, Dan Patrick. What else? Seven, but Samson's getting a big chair today.

And he was invited. He needs one. He does, that's true. But he's going to be competing against us now while going on tour. Let's kick his ass. Let's kick his ass. Yeah, that's true. But he's going to be competing against us now while going on tour. Let's kick his ass. Let's kick his ass. You weren't here for the Matt Ishbia sound, but I don't know if we can pull that up. I'll filibuster while people search for it. But I want him to know we're number one.

We're going to kick his effing ass. That's right. And we're going to stick it to him. And I'm number one, you're number one, you're number one. We win, we win, we win. I love you, buddy. I think we all knew the Marlins season was gonna go downhill when the bad omen of the Sandy Alcantara bobblehead arm fell off. Also when Sampson said they would be this year's Diamondbacks.

I'm told that we do have that voicemail. Dan, I don't know if you've heard it the Matt Ishby a voice mother owner of the Phoenix Sun I have but that was very graceful the way you did that tried to Toss it to video and then I watched a filibuster and I did yeah well I did Hey buddy, hope you're doing good. Just want to say I love you You took those suckers down them we're gonna keep sticking it to him forever Right those guys were number one we take the shit out of them brokers number one UWM's number one You're number one. We're all number one together and them. I hate them with all my heart We keep kicking their ass every fucking day as well as your fucking forehead. I'm getting today

I don't give a fuck. We're gonna keep kicking ass and so I love you, man We talked about it with I'm gonna win you're gonna win both are happening right now. Keep hiring. Keep building. Keep growing. Let's go Dan our producers are number one. Our video team is number one. You're number one. Sugata is number one We're gonna keep kicking their asses. Yeah, that's right. I don't go up enough since 4 a.m Who are you fighting with the The Rich Eisen Show now and that traitor, that traitor David Sampson. And you know what? You can take his ass and stay his ass over there. Don't come back over here. Who's his producer? I'll fight him. You fight Sampson.

Look at this guy. Look at this smug bastard right here. That smile on his face. Yes, yes. Please, can we do a close up? The right smile. No, wait a minute. He, yes, please, can we do a close up? The wry smile. No, wait a minute, he's taunting us, he's taunting us. Also looks like first class. This is disrespectful. Or a health care. It looks like the overhead.

I've never had that wall behind me. He's small enough, he's small enough you could put him in the overhead. Is this him signaling to America that I want all your jobs? He's going on tour. He's... He's on tour, what do you mean? Interesting that he didn't invite jobs. He's going on tour. He's on tour. Interesting that he didn't invite the Hee Haw 3 to open up. I mean, truly selfish.

This is a big seat. Rich eyes. Is he doing this solo? You keep making jokes, but how am I just learning? How am I just learning that there's an infographic that suggests that Stu gots is going to be working at WFAN this I go away for three or four days and and now Samson is betraying us mm-hmm with so are we so what are you saying that Rich Eisen is an enemy of ours he is now it's worried I'm worried that you don't think that way did every show is an enemy of this show because we're number one He's competition man. Oh, I see you want to kick their ass over there. Now you get it No, but Tony this is your Nick Wright thing of everyone must be vanquished. Everybody must be vanquished including the rich eyes You're the showgun Dan, I think they can have David Samson Crimson Sky Dan

He's all yours, we'll take a player to be named later the T-shirt store isn't worth that much. This is the Trojan horses that we just gave him a virus He's gonna take down. I don't take him and go conquer worlds together. The two of you. Wait to see. This is a betrayal. At every turn I go away for a couple of days. And why, what is happening around here? I mean mine was an April Fool's joke.

That a lot of people kind of believed. Not me though. Dan, we had a return of someone who I've missed for a very, very long time. I don't know if you know this. I don't know if any of you guys are aware of this. LaVar Ball is back. Oh my God. In a big way.

And you know what, I likened it to, I said it's like, you remember when you were growing up, your mom used to make something, maybe it was like a special kind of cookie, whatever. Whenever she cooked, the likened it to, I said, it's like, you remember when you were growing up, your mom used to make something, maybe it was like a special kind of cookie, whatever, whichever she cooked, the house smelled like that, right? And then you grow up and you leave home and you go to college, you get a job, you get your own place, and you come back home

for maybe Thanksgiving or Christmas. You get that smell. And you walk in the house and it smells like that, and everything comes rushing back. That was me finding the LeVar Ball quotes, and I was like, oh, I've missed this so much. I've missed this so much. And they said, they asked him, why do your sons keep getting hurt?

And he says, because they're not with me anymore. They got him doing these Rudy Toot workouts and I want to know so badly, what does Rudy Toot workout mean? You know exactly what it means. I don't know what it means, but I want to know what it means. He also threw Puma under the bus too. Well do we have any idea, I mean what's true there? His sons aren't injured because of those shoes of his.

No, it's because of the rooty-toot workouts according to him. I got the exact quote here for you, Dano. He says, quote, the reason they hurt is because they got away from me. And they start doing these rooty-toot workouts because if you keep running them hills, you're going to keep that power and that strength. A lot of things have to do with them raggedy shoes that Mel will be wearing. Them shoes are not made the right way for him. That's why he's tweaking his ankle every single time. Dog, remember how much more fun?

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