The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Local Hour: The Haves vs. The Have-Nots

Episode Date: September 2, 2025

"Pardon me for living." Dan has once again purposefully created tension in the Meadowlark Media offices over Pablo Torre's upcoming scoop, and Billy had a famous person sighting at a funeral home. Oh, and, you know, there's a lot of College Football stuff. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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The tequila. That invented tequila. Roximo.com. Please drink responsibly. Quervo. Billy, why were you so excited by your Bezos citing or your Bezos reporting? I don't think you actually cited him. But we are now treating a rich man like he is a very giant celebrity just because he's...

Is he not a celebrity? No, but it's just because he makes a lot of money. Like, he's not famous for anything else. He's just famous for being rich. Well, I mean, he's not famous just for being rich. He's not like Kim Kardashian. I mean, I guess she's famous for other things too, but like he, you know, he's a businessman. He figured out how to, you know, bookstores are dying.

I don't know if you heard. Bookstores are dying everywhere because of him, but bookstores are dying everywhere. And he said, you know what? I have this online bookstore, but also I can send you a stapler and I can have it to you by 10 a.m. tomorrow. Magic. Yeah. It's incredible. And this is a man that, you know, everybody knows one of the world's richest men.

And I was sent an article. I don't know why. I was sent an article by my father, who saw it, the Miami Herald wrote this article. Jeff Bezos, unfortunately, his mother passed away a few weeks ago, and the article wasn't about his mother eulogy. It was more a story about how his mother's funeral, again, one of the world's richest men, most famous men, you know, grew up down here. His mother's funeral was at the funeral home next to Tropical Park, Caballetto Rivera.

No. Yeah. No. Same place that my grandparents' funeral, were my abula aida is buried there yeah well she's not buried there it'd be weird under a building it's a funeral home oh no I'm sorry the one right by tropical park yeah so the wake the wake was there and there was like almost like paparazzi photos of him going in with his new wife into this you know just funeral home where a lot of old human people for the most part just go and

have their wakes we need to send Tony over there to do a live hit from from over there so people can see what it is that Caballero funeral home actually is. Not to make this morbid, but that's also where Jose Fernandez's wake was. It's a who's who of, you know, famous wakes. Exactly where I thought we were starting today. Looking for a new way to get in on the action? NASCAR betting on Draft Kings is where speed meets strategy. Whether it's a super speedway, short track, or road course, no one brings chaos quite like

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It's me and you It's me again, and it's you. It's me and you and me again at the Suez. That's kind of thing. Chris, Chris, were you looking at your father's face throughout all of that? Like, your father is never happier, never more radiant than when something is about him. That is as happy as I have seen your father. Tell me the last time that you were that happy.

At your son's wedding? I mean, isn't that human nature? You know, I'm featured. I hear my voice singing. What could be better? Were you watching your son's wedding video after the fact thinking yourself, man, there should have been more me? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Of course. Do your sons, does your wife, do they know that they were raised and love a man who is a serial narcissist this way that makes every single thing about him, including his son's father? Father's Day, which is now about, should be about your granddaughter. See, I blame my late parents. I'm sorry, Mom and Dad, but they encourage that.

You know, I remember driving around with Mom and Dad at a very early age singing the Game of Love, which was a big hit at the time. What were they encouraging? They were encouraging me to perform, you know, to sing, to do little shows for them. and I grew up to be whatever the hell I am. They saw you as a star. Yeah, I think so. I have a clip here of my dad reading one of the nominees.

And in this clip, it's him reading about himself. You can hear, kind of like Pablo, you can hear him smiling while reading a clip about himself. You absolutely, when your father is delighted by only himself, you can absolutely hear the smile in his voice. Greg Cody dismisses youth sports teams for not. earning donations. You can hear him like Greg Cody crush his youth sports team. You can hear the smile. The suey winners are going to be announced today. I suspect that your father has won some. How long is that montage of your father just screwing up all of those suey readings? We have a minute 35 of my dad screwing up all the lines he had to read. And then we have a five

and a half minute montage of all the winners. All right. Before we get to the winners, let's just play the montage of, because let's celebrate today because we've got to put the suey's away and now it's not just that we're sprinting toward football season. Pablo's going to drop another Pablo and it's a bomb. What is it? Well, we can't talk about it yet.

You'll tell me off air? I can't even tell you off air because it's going to be the story of the week, though. It's going to be a big Pablo drop. Why don't you trust me? Bigger than any of previous Pablo drops. Wow. We'll see. And so that's the expectation.

And we will see if that has. happens or if he underdelivers. Subject matter? I can't tell you that. Again, I wait to see. Not even a hint, huh? Yes. But he's going to, he is merging with the New York Times and the athletic, and on a football week, I think he's going to have the talk story in sports. There's this tension that you yourself have created in this office, and I don't know if you're aware of this. Dan, there's very much a case of the haves versus the have-nots, and it started today where the haves know what this Pablo story is, and the have-nots do not. And it's being talked about like, oh, we need to plan and do this and that and we're going to, and it's

going to be this huge thing. And then everyone's like, what the hell is going on? Does any, do you know? I don't know what's. Yeah, Zaz doesn't know. Zaz looked at me. He's like, do you know, it's like Zaz, buddy, welcome. It's, it's not. I thought this was an inclusive place. It's not a haves and not story. It's that evidently it was some work that Samson and Amin had to do with Pablo and for Pablo. And so they were, I guess it's not haves and have nots, but I guess that, I guess that that there were multiple layers to this story. Damn, I thought we were definitely doing a have and have nothing. I was kind of reveling in it. I definitely know.

Mike's a half. Yeah, I don't know. No, they didn't want to tell me, and I did not want to know. I'm left out. But now I have to get involved because there are legal matters and because we're starting something with the New York Times and because I think Pablo's going to drop a Pablo here, and I think it's the biggest story Pablo has had. I know what the story is.

No, you went there. I pulled Dan aside before the show and we were just talking like, how great is it that we know this? They were talking like we weren't even in the room. Carl, what do you think? What are we going to do for this? Just like if we weren't even,

like we were ghost people they were talking around us. We made it seem like Carl knew too, but Carl doesn't know. Wow. It is, yeah, just, we're the haves here. Okay, all right. Ethan asked, why are they saying it?

I'm like, Ethan, they're afraid you're going to scoop Pablo, bud. That's why they're not saying it. They don't trust you. But Ethan can't be trusted. I've got to tell you, this was all by design. This was exactly what Dan was going for. So Greg Cody was reading in the sueyes.

He was the host of the sueyes. It was a spectacular sueyes, but we're about to leave them behind as we go into football. Got a lot to get to with Zasloat because he was in the middle of the big games in his suite. Lucy was in the middle of everything. The University of Miami is in the middle of everything. But first, let's just listen to Greg Cody. He's not always smiling during this. I've seen him enraged.

He yells at his son. I see you, Chris. I see you and your dad. Recreating. Jeremy, that's Greg breathing. You just asked me. Who's breathing? It's what I asked.

It's awesome breathing. Holy cow. Pardon me for living. It's a little safety blanket. It's a nice little reminder. He's still kicking. Thank you. Awesome breathing.

Thank you. I appreciate that, everybody. It was a giant nostril. Why are you winded? We all heard. I'm not winded. Hey, you're not allowed to say, Greg, get in front of the mic

and then not be okay with the ramifications of that. Thank you. Thank you very much. So when I, when I sit back here, everybody yells at me. All right, so the, fair enough. Ridiculous.

You know what, fair enough. We hadn't accounted for the size of those nostrils. Cody nostrils. His parents used to encourage him to breathe. Yeah, thank you. I've been breathing every day of my life. I don't know about the rest of you. Well, yeah, the rest of us have, too.

Oh, well, what do you complain about that? The pot kettle situation, Gary. Hank Azaria would tell you that being a voice actor can be hard because of the number of takes of things. And Greg Cody, during the sueyes, this is a, lot of work. He's doing a lot of work. He's doing a lot of reading. And he's recreating the dynamic I have with my father on television, which is he's getting furious at his son for his son just asking him to keep doing the job a little bit better. A father does not like to be corrected like this when he is stubborn and male as Greg Cody is or as my father is. And so Greg also gets

mad while smiling while reading his name. So let's just hear the mess-ups of Greg Cody. You know what? Hang on. Hang on. I'm not plugged in yet. Who is going on with you? Okay, here we go. And now the... And now the... And now the...

Hang on. Stugas dismisses Shohai Otani. Hey. What? Show Hey, Otani. Tony Kaladde, who limited fake Nikola Yoak... Dan Levertard disrespects Black History Month while talking to P.K. Suban.

Did I pronounce that right? P.K. Suban. while talking to P.K. Suben. Greg Cody dismisses youth sports teams for not earning donations. Greg Cody dismisses Gary Furman. Nobody knows who Gary Furman is. Gary Furman's in the same category as... I'll leave that in.

Please don't. How do you want me to pronounce Tatas? Oshia Jackson Jr. O'Shea. Pat Ford. Is it Ford or 40? Forty. Steve Kerr.

Kerr. Steve Kerr? You don't know Steve Kerr's name? I mean, you know, that kind of thing. Stormy Daniels. Scroll down, pass, laughs. Hang on, it's making me jump through hoops here. I got to, hang on. Are you jumping through hoops? Is that what you're doing?

All right. Dominique's, hang on. Dominique Foxworth played through spinning. Oh, Dominique's. Dominique Foxworth, diamonds look like peepee. Andrew Sicilianna. Andrew Sicilano, Sicilano, right? Siciliano.

Siciliano. Perfect. Take the rest of the day off. Thank you. Nobody knows who Gary Furman is. You want me to say Tetas or Tatas? That is not true. I mean, down here they do.

There's a fake Gary Furman lurking around during Mike's five-hour marathon sessions to preview University of Miami, Notre Dame, and he's dirty. And, for the record, he just did a rewatch of sex in the city still holds up. There's a fake Gary Furman sneaking around Mike Ryan's chat. I think Mike Ryan essentially got this game right when he predicted what he did about the University of Miami. And I will get to that story later in the show because we did discuss it some yesterday. Welcome back, Ruben Bain. God, it was nice to see a defensive player for Miami.

Well, he's a pretty good player, but also it was sort of weird that he wasn't that player last year, that their defense was that bad with him in it. And to see Ruben Bain do that to that offensive. line was super exciting and almost as exciting as, oh, they can be a physical defense and not get a ton of penalties and not make a lot of a ton of mistakes. Wait a minute. Did they fix their defense in one game? Or is that a first time quarterback that doesn't make them pay for their mistakes? Because it looked like they fixed their defense. I mean, and Ruben Bain in particular, I felt like I was watching the best defense player in the country. He was incredible.

He was in the right, I know, you know, why was you on that side of the field when the, you know, ball was kicked in the air? But he was around the ball. He was around every play the entire game. He was swarming the ball. He was hustling. That ball should have been intercepted three different times. It was hilarious at Ruben Bain. Not only intercepted it, but then ran 15 yards, but Ruben Baines,

I was listening to someone from PFF talk about Ruben Bain's performance on Saturday. Ruben Bain's freshman year, he had the second best pass rushing grade for a true freshman in the history of PFF only behind Miles Garrett. Miles Garrett was the only freshman pass rusher to ever impress PFF that much. For the record, and we saw it. You can see it with your eye, right? Calaisus Campbell did some of this too. His first year, you were looking at him and saying, oh, can that be Jerome Brown category of pass rusher, where this guy's going to get physically stronger, and he's already that much bigger and faster and stronger than everybody.

But he was not at all that player last year. I have to correct you, Dan, he's not bigger than everybody. Like, he is put together. He is incredibly strong, but his size is not prototypical there. In the same way, I'm not drawing comparisons. I think Aaron Donald's the best offensive player I've ever seen. But Aaron Donald, the measurables, it's the reason why he wasn't taking number one overall. Ruben Bain has to make up for some deficiencies with his body type.

But last year he got hurt on like the third snap against Florida, missed several games, and his body never got fully fit after that. This offseason got a nutritionist, got healthy, and we're seeing the guy that won that game almost single-handedly against Clemson his freshman year. Chris, can you hear his freshman year? breathing? I mean, I don't want to stop the show, but it's just, I can't concentrate on it. Why are you winded? Can we put what Ruben Bain, the game plan? He wrote it in his notebook. We've got exclusive access to it. We decided last minute that we're not going to show this. A lot of curse words. We can describe it for the people. No, it's just bleep and D. Bleep and D. But the bleep is shown. My favorite is bleep Notre Dick. It looks like us what a 12-year-old would do to a composition book. It is a note. from a dirty 12-year-old that's hiding this from their parents. They've just learned curse words. This is him very much appearing like he's in a film room. He takes his notebook out to take

notes and notes as he's watching film. And one of the notes is bleep Jeremiah Love. Bleep. Bleep, Notre Dick. And at one point, he writes down an initial number on the sack total. And then after watching the film, scratches it out and then lands on three sacks. Now, we only got a half-sack, but he impacted the game more than any other defender. My favorite part of this journal is, just like you used to when you were in school, he's got the date in the top right corner. Everybody knows. When you're in school, you've got to put the date in the top right corner. But then also at the very bottom where he wrote it again, he had 8 slash 31 slash 25 at the top

where he dates it. But then at the bottom, just to remind himself, August 31st. You can't put that out on social media. I don't want to be the wet blanket here. But if Ruben Bain is not the player he is, a coach is going to say, what are you doing? Never do that again. But because he's the best defensive player on the team and one of the best in the country in our top 10 NFL draft pick, they go, hey, that was funny, Rubin. Keep it up. In fairness, we don't know what the coaches were saying in the meeting, so he might have been taking notes.

Leap Noder Dick? I've never heard Noder Dick before. Don Lebertard. And then that Stafford threw him 25 and 2. Oh, there's a brand new kid in town out of BYU. Stugats. This is Pooka Nakua His quarterback is not named Tua Yeah

Yeah, he is Pooka Pooka Nakuwa This is the Dan Levatar show With the Stugats Can you Can you Can you guys censor this sum so that people can see that this is a piece of notebook paper this is not a

game plan okay this is this is a child who is scribbling and is like yes i'm going to wreck sunday night because miami's defense is back before we get to all of the miami things though that we have not talked about because uh i also want to get to inter miami and notta dana nata damon miami was so big that we've got lewis spitting on a seattle staffer as billy said yesterday they're called the staffers, yeah, they're the Leagues Gold Cup champions, 3-0. They won the trophy that confuses me.

Leagues Cup. Yeah. Called it a gold cup. And I said it, not Billy. Second year tournament, a lot of heritage there. People are pissed, dude. I follow a ton of Inter-Maiami accounts, and I have very rarely seen fans this upset at a

team, its leadership. Zaz, when you mentioned Inter Miami before on our show, you kind of admitted that you were uneasy about how unlikable they are and they played into it. I was like half joking when we did this like a week or two ago. I'm like, I don't think I like this team, you know, because it's, it feels like they're constantly cheating or they're skirt the rules. They're just, they're, they just feel dirty. And I was, I was like half serious, half trying to be funny. And then you see what happened on Sunday night, which I mean,

I didn't watch the game because I'm watching the Cains, you know, but you see the afterwards. And Louis Suarez, who's got a reputation anyway. Oh, wait, a reputation. He's bitten people. Right. Bad dude. Right. He's got a reputation anyway. It's one of these guys like, really, now I got to cheer for Luis Suarez. And he's on in Miami. All right, fine, I guess so. And then you got this melee after, or late in the game. They called it with a little bit of time left. Not only did it in here

get their shit kicked in and they lose three nothing, but then you have this super team who's fighting Seattle. They're not fighting a, some club from overseas, they're fighting the Seattle Sounders, and then you have Louis Suarez, who straight up spits in the face, not even of another player. I don't know if that would make you feel better, but in the face of a staffer, and you got Sergio Biscrette's who's actually throwing punches out there.

I'll tell you something, I'm out on this team. I think I'm out. I'm out on it. Are you out or you think you're out? Say it or don't say it. That's a good question. It's not, I'm out. I'm out.

No, are you, wait a minute. Make you got caught up in the air there. Good question. Look. Or is this conveniently time because football season's starting. Let us know when you decide. Another good question. I'm going to decide right now.

I am out on into Miami. I'm out. I'm out. They're so unforgivable. No, not the right sound. Unforgivated. You guys miss the un. They're so unlikable this Intermiami team.

It was a breathing. This happened two days ago. Has anyone who has been to remind me said anything yet? Has Louis Suarez said anything yet? This is an important point. No one has said anything yet. Yeah, what Zazlo is saying right now is part of the reason why a lot of fans are upset, is that where's the communications from the media relations team?

Their media relations has always been awful, and now you have this here where you're not even given out a team's not given a statement when it's on video for everybody to see. He is straight up spitting in the face of another person. There was also a really ugly clash-up. among supporters in the streets of Seattle. I don't think there's ever been a stranger pair of colors to be seen in the streets fighting than pink and neon green. Yeah, ugly, terrible.

And it's like, Dan, they're afraid of doing or saying anything because it might upset Messi. Like, that's why they haven't said anything yet, because all, if they schooled Louis Suarez, what's Lino Messi going to say? It's like, I don't like this team. No, there should, the league need... Out of Miami. The league needs to do something about Louis Swares's behavior. No, they're afraid, too.

It needs to be very punitive. That was straight up BS. He'll be suspended. Well, what are they waiting for? Any more evidence? Maybe that's what Pablo is going to talk about. It is not. I can also tell you with that conviction it is not.

We know. When's the next tournament that this team is in? MLS playoffs would be the next tournament. When's that start? Probably during like a huge football weekend and you won't be able to watch it anyways. Yeah, nobody will notice. You'll be watching a bigger game. By the way, they play Seattle.

again in less than three weeks. So that'll be a must see. Winner gets the cup? No, no. You know what? Let me say something about all this controversy, okay? The reason people are all upset about Louis Serrara's spitting and them losing this game and the brawl and all that stuff is that they continue

to underperform on the field. I'll say it. Inter Miami has been a massive disappointment thus far in the Lienel-Messie era. Not on the business side, not on the business side, but on the field. The way they lost in the first round of the playoffs last year, the way they lost this Leagues Cup. Now, they did get

to the quarters of the FIFA Club World Cup, which was nice. Getting into a Cup final is also no small achievement. They do have two trophies to their name in the time that he's been here. That may not be enough. And I think the gold standard, from what I've gathered from casual fans, as he needs to win the MLS championship in the postseason. Yeah, and they failed so miserably last year that this has to be better. But the President's Cup doesn't matter, or whatever the hell they call it. The Supporters Shield, Gold's Cup. And not the League's Gold Cup. No, the League's Cup doesn't

matter. The Supporters Shield doesn't matter. They're nice little trophies. They're not what you hang your hat on. What do you want them to win? The World Cup? I want them to win the MLS Cup. The League Championship of the League they play in. Despite all these ancillary tournaments, they need to win the main cup, which is the MLS Cup.

I feel that we are missing what seems like a hugely symbolic sports team in the middle of today's America, right? Today's America with all its divisions and all the places where, of course, you have to cater to Signor Lionel Messi

for whatever he wants because he's the whole reason anyone's talking about soccer. Now, this diminishes MLS but him running that sport while behind a paywall and while that business doesn't bring the traffic that they thought it was going to bring. They're making a stadium here, right near

the airport, with like a ton of precious land. The most valuable land there is right next to the airport to support this team that now represents Miami for better or for worse. And we got to do it on our team that he glosses over a lot when he says he's got a reputation. He bites people. Like he's a biter. It's plural. He bites people plural. On grand stages. And he's spit in someone's face. And he's representing Miami horrifically here at this time. He also scored 20 goals last year. At this time in America spitting in someone's face at the center of that. I don't think there's ever a good time to do that.

No, but how many of the greatest sports controversies? I remember Roberto Alamar doing this. This has been done in football a couple of times. Romanoowski does it. People who spit in your face, like, no matter what level of savage you are, we all understand that's a disrespect that can't be abided by anybody. I actually think maybe you could argue it was a good time to do that because it was during Miami, Notre Dame.

I got around time. I was alerted to it on yesterday's show that we did for YouTube. and it's a real ugly scene, but I think Zaz is really speaking for the local South Florida fan because one of the tether among all these Inter Miami accounts that are complaining is they feel disenfranchised. They feel like they've been boxed out as this club goes for the marquee and gets influencers on the sideline. They can't afford to go to the games. They don't necessarily think that this club is fan friendly. That narrative is out there. And the more unlikable that they become on and off the pitch.

The less results that there are, the volume gets turned up on, hey, we were your day ones. Before Messy and all that came over here, this was about a community, and you've kind of forgotten about that. I was weighing the first few years. I had season tickets first four years of the team. I was weighing those first few years. What they got going on right now is the first year that I haven't been a season ticket older. What they got going on right now, I don't dig it.

I don't like this team. I don't like this team. How do you feel about that, Cody, that you've got something happening? What are you laughing about? This is because it's insane. I was on this team before it became popular. They got the greatest soccer player in the world. Now I'm out.

They did too much for me. What are they doing for me? They got you the greatest soccer player in the world. They haven't won anything? I'm not arguing with you on that. They've won two trophies and I think making it to the FIFA Club World Cup Elimination Stegers is as impressive as anything an MLS team has ever done. It's more impressive than the two trophies that won in my opinion.

Look, the standard, you guys can't dispute this. The standard is Messi win the big one. I mean, based down to its basest of stupidity. 100%. Well, it's not just Messi and your super friends that you brought in. I want to see Messy's face as he scrolls through social media, as Dan Lebitard says, Messy win the big one. And he's like, which one is he talking about?

No, I'm not doing. Emma L.S. That's the problem. He's not committed to this league, if we're going to be honest. Greg, you're with me on this one. if he wants to cement his legacy, he's got to win an MLS Cup because all the other things that he's done to fail on the lowest of stages, the MLS, is an embarrassment.

You can't succeed on the biggest of stages and puke all over yourself every year on the smallest of stages, which is what's been going on. It's not just spitting in the face. It's 3-0. You're losing 3-0 and you're just a baby. What I'm saying is that if they won the MLS Cup last year, instead of taking a national crap in the first round against the lowest seed.

If they won Sunday night instead of losing 3-0, nobody's, it's a minor story. The brawl, the fans brawling. No, the spinning in the face should be a big story. That should never be a minor story. You don't think it would be a big story if they won 3-0 and they still have the brawl?

I don't think it would be nearly as talked about as now. I totally disagree. Okay, I think what you're hearing on the group chats with, you know, Miami fans, now is because they continue to disappoint on the field. That exacerbates everything you're talking about in terms of, oh, they're not fan-friendly. They don't treat their fans right. We've been here since the beginning. Everybody would be thrilled if they had won as much as they were expected to when Messi signed with this team. They haven't. They've underperformed.

Then they skip the All-Star Games. They're at cold play concerts. They're buying groceries at public. Like, let's focus on soccer already, you know? Don Lebertard. I feel like we need to normalize saying these scientific terms for organs on the air. Like if someone, yes, you know what? If someone takes a foul ball to the penis, we should just say he took a foul ball to the penis, say it. Stugats. That free kick hit him right in the cockadoodle do.

This is the Dan Levitar show with the Stugats. I can feel the audience. feel the audience, okay, at this point in our career, doing this for as long as we've been doing it, complaining about soccer talk, even if it's a spitter and Luis Suarez, even if it should be a big story because it's football, football, football time, and everyone gorges and wants to gorge more on this week of NFL football after the insanity of this weekend in college football. And so, excuse me, for not bowing at the beginning of this show to mighty football and the specifics of what happened

last night with Belichick, which has no precedent. It has no precedent in the history of American sports, that he would allow more points than he ever has in a game. Awesome. Delicious. And that everybody would watch, it's like watching Bear Bryant or

Vince Lombardi or something just stripped to its nudist, almost like outside that door that Pablo sniffed out and that ring camera that Pablo recreated. You what I learned about Pablo? I asked him this this weekend. I'm like, when you recreated Belichick leaving the room, did you not think to take your shirt off in the recreation, or were you

embarrassed? And I heard they debated it for hours in the Pablo Torre finds out universe, and he wouldn't do it because he's a coward. He wouldn't do it shirtless. They did think about it, and he didn't recreate it that way. Belichick has never been undressed like that before in the history of us watching football, a coronation, a celebration, a celebration, a celebration, He's a small underdog at home against a TCU team that is usually nationally relevant. And you see right off the bat how far behind he is, something I thought of last night

that I didn't believe a lot of people were thinking of. North Carolina last year produced the single most surprising half of football that I saw in college football last year. At home, they were losing to James Madison and allowed 52 points at the half against the James Madison team that finished third in the conference. I mean, I think if you wanted to see North Carolina fail, it worked out perfectly, right? In that that first drive, all the hype was coming in, like, Belichick's going to come in, he's going to change everything.

You're like, I've never seen anything. I can't prove it. And then the first drive, they drove right down the field. Like, oh, my God, we're great. Like, if you're a North Carolina fan, we're great. Michael Jordan's high-fiving people. Everybody's so excited. and then the rest of the game happened.

I got to tell you, it's been quite the offseason leading into this debut for UNC for Bill Belichick, and a lot of people have questioned his legacy. Nothing has made me doubt his legacy more than him settling on Freddie Kitchens is a good guy to run my offense. Why would anyone have expected different things? I'm not talking about last night, but like this season, they're going to stink, all right? UNC's going to stink, and Belichick's going to stink. And you know how I know this? because his entire coaching career,

if he doesn't have Brady, he stinks. They're going to stink. And I have actual evidence to support this. If Tom Brady is not his quarterback, his whole career, he sucks, and they're going to suck. Yeah, and people are going to laugh at him nationally because he's not likable. Unless you live in or around Boston, you don't like Bill Belichick. I don't think they like him so much in Boston these days. You could be right.

Well, we've never seen, never. It has no precedent. Bill Belichick unraveling throughout this offseason in a way like everybody's looking like what's happening over there comes to the college game and triggers because this was, the thing that I was thinking about that I thought was funny is like, oh, okay, look how they do it in North Carolina when it's Chapel Bill for the Dion Sanders celebration. That doesn't look like what Deion Sanders was doing in Colorado. That's Bill Belichick getting in the game with the fame and the name,

but through management, right? Dion did it through player, Belichick did it through management. I kept thinking, do people understand that North Carolina was as bad last season as Colorado was bad when Deon inherited Colorado? What Deion did the first game out when he beat TCU. I've never seen a graphic like that in my life, by the way. I was watching that, and I was thinking, man, This is a really bad quarterback, no, and they put a graph, damn near two hours after his last completed pass.

They timed stamped it. Last completed pass, 8.12 p.m. Eastern. That's one of the worst quarterbacking performances I think I've ever seen at the P4 level. That was at 9.30 p.m. Eastern. It had been over an hour and 15 minutes since a completed pass. Not good, Dan. But where does the game pass you by? the spectacle that his offseason was, the cost of what it was to get Bill Belichick

in that name to North Carolina. People disrespect how hard it was to do what Dion Sanders did, taking a team in Colorado that was what this North Carolina team was and making them be that. They were worse. Making that TCU team, beating this TCU team, which created an expectation for last night, that while it was erased after the first drive, all of you, were on the first drive like, well, Cowherd, you saw Colin Cowherd's tweet, Colin Cowherd, who has mastered the troll business of how do you get the engagement by being wrong because nothing that you say actually matters, wasn't really sure what to expect from Chapel Bill, but after that drive, I have him as the second best college coach I've ever seen.

You think he's trolling? Just below Sabin. I think he's trying to be funny. I think he's failing. I think he's being serious. But I don't think he minds being historically wrong. wrong. I think he said great hyperbole about Arch Manning as well. Lewis, I don't know if you ended up finding that tweet, but there was a tweet from Colin Cowherd from I think 2024. The wrong

business pays well. It doesn't matter when everyone's talking, right? I don't know. You guys have did Gilbert Arenas just hire Skip Bayliss? Are they together now? Like that's how, that's how, yeah, that's how that one age is where you just go out at the end trolling people and wrong doesn't Wrong doesn't end up mattering in any way. People will still associate Colin Cowherd forever with sports. It doesn't matter how wrong he is. That's just sports people overreacting to thinking that right and wrong matters. Governor Ernest got like rated like a couple weeks ago, right?

That's just done? That was resolved? I mean, he turned it into content. Overrated or properly rated? Probably rated. How can you be more wrong than this? This was before. This was when Kyle DeBoard took over for Nick Saker.

I'm sorry. Who cares? He's got to earn it. That was probably right after the Georgia victory, right? September 28th. I don't know. It wasn't such a crazy thing to say that day. That was a great performance in Alabama that game. It was.

A year later, you can just say, yeah, I was just kidding. But then they lost the Vanderbilt very next week. Alabama's now 5 and 5 in their last 10. Yeah. According to CFB on Fox on Twitter, through just 14 games at Alabama, Kaelin-de-Bore has matched the unranked loss total that Nick Sabin tallied over 235 games.

Four unranked losses. Kaelin-de-Bore has lost four games so far as coach of Alabama where they've been a two-touchdown favorite. Lost the game outright. Sabin was 131 and 2 in those games as a 14-point favorite. That was some performance against FSU. So, Mike, how? did it happen? Because I will get more into Belichick over the course of the show. But how did it

happen? Did you ever give your public opinion? Because you were talking for five hours on your show and you're also talking here. But I don't think I ever heard publicly you think that FSU was bad. No, I never got that take out there. I'm grateful because, yeah, everything that I had heard from FSU had reminded me so much of like when Miami thought that they were good and they would get smacked in the faced by bigger teams from the undersized quarterback saying Nick can't save them now, to saying FSU is the best defense, to shutting the media out and just people reporting on vibes. I thought it was going to be a bad moment yet again for FSU and Mike Norvell. Couldn't have been more wrong.

Couldn't have been more stunned by a result. Cassiano's didn't need to throw. Gus Malz-on, I don't know how he's surprising folks with his offense, but Alabama came out completely unprepared to play. And credit to the fans at the newly renovated Doe Campbell Stadium, which actually has fewer seats now, they were loud, they affected that game. ACC, actually, I thought there was going to be a well-established narrative going into that Miami Notre Dame game where the ACC was a joke.

And they performed relatively admirably despite Clemson losing at home. Yeah, that game was awesome. And then you see the entire crowd stormed the field after the game. They got fined, right? They take $50,000. I'm a little conflicted with the storming the field in that spot. The storm in the field jumped the shark so many years ago. It does not have the same meaning it used to.

You're FSU. You've won national championships. I understand you were unranked in their number eight and they're Big Bad Alabama. You've won national championships. You're storming the field? I don't know about that. The only fans who should storm the field at the only time they should, do it is if you win a national championship. Then there's no more games next week. Storm the

field, do whatever you want. But that, for the first game of a season, you're beating a down Alabama team that's about to fire its head coach a year from now. Why celebrate that like you did? $50,000. It's ridiculous. Craig's getting off his old man takes here. Like he's getting off to Storm the Field, the notebook. You don't write that in a notebook. You're getting off some serious old man takes? Well, speaking of old men, Don Shula didn't like it when his players spiked the ball after a touchdown. Go on. And his classic line was, act like you've been there before. FSU fans, you've cheered two champion teams. Act like you've been there. What are you doing? We've never seen someone go from 13 and 1 to 2 and 10. It's never been seen before.

No one expected anything from FSU in that football game. A two touchdown underdog at home? That program? I think, I understand Nick Sabin leaving that program. certainly couches this discussion, but it also isn't a coincidence that he decided to leave when the advantages that Alabama had went away and parody. This breathing is crazy. It's crazy. It's a scene. I'm really glad you're alive. But, man, you're getting him all worked up, though.

I'll sit back here until I'm speaking. I hope you're all right. But anyways, like, you're messing with me now. There's some people that are really reveling in the end of Alabama's dominance. That's a 20-year run. 20 years running the sport, and now they got to deal with almost every other blue-blood program in college football, having to reshape themselves. I'm going to play this sound, courtesy of Barstool Sports. This kind of speaks for where people are with Alabama and enjoying this. Alabama is officially dead. Dead. It's over. It's over,

Alabama. You fucking sucking pieces of shit. I used to sit up there and used to piss on all of us. When you beat us, you would say, oh, well, you know, you should be happy. You put up a good fight. Fuck you, you fucking, your time. Now you're down here in the suck. How does it feel? And the best part is, I know it feels worse for you than it feels for us because you're

not used to being here. For 20 fucking years, you have lived a charm existence where everything revolved around you. Everything you had you got. Everything you wanted was at the tips of your fingers. You never had to worry about entering a single fucking weekend. And now every fucking weekend, you're going to feel the existential threat of losing games that you didn't have to think twice about in the past. He then later goes on to add, I'm going to drink your tears, urinate them out, and then drink them again.

Can we just put up on the screen as well, Ruben Bain's notebook, there it is. You can see it bleeped out. There's the notebook. College football's back, though. What do you mean? It's all been to F words. What we just did for the last 30 seconds is the voice of college football is back. Now is a good time to remember where tequila's story truly began.

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