The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Michael Irvin Reminisces + The Suey Nominees For Back In My Day | Hour 2

Episode Date: September 1, 2026

"I don't want to say his name because he's a great friend, but after I broke the guy's jaw..." Michael Irvin enters the show with a 2027 Suey Nominee for Best Laugh and sticks around to discuss his love for his Miami Hurricanes, Malachi Toney's excellence, how Mario Cristobal is a true blessing to The U, and the Canes "flippin' more pancakes than a Waffle House." Also, Dan gives a lesson on social media and the three nominees for Greg Cote's Suey Award for Back in My Day. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's one of my favorite times. There's that point in every summer where I start convincing myself, I'm going to be normal about football this year, not as emotional, not lose myself completely in it. And then the game start. The sprinklers, the smell of grass, the roar of the crowd, the toasting of Miller Light. Ah, that right there, my friends, that's my favorite part about all of this,

because making football time is great. Making football time a Miller time. That's special. Some of my favorite weekends are built around football. getting everybody together, putting the college games on on Saturday, come back for the NFL on Sunday, order way too much food, and crack open Miller Lights for me and my friends.

That's a perfect weekend for me. And Miller Light is a beer I reach for every time because it's crisp, refreshing, and easy to drink, especially when football starts. When it's still somehow down here, 90 degrees of Miami, it's a true American Pilsner that cools a body down the original light beer since 1975 and just 96 calories and 3.2 carbs.

Legendary game days, start with a Miller Light. Make Game Day legendary. Go to Miller Lite.com slash Dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Game time is Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

You are listening to the Dan Levatar show, in partnership with the Drafkin Sports app, now live in all 50 states. I honestly cannot believe what I'm about to say. which is for damn near 40 years, I am made happy when this person makes an appearance because of the enthusiasm that he brings to just about every exchange, almost 40 years since Michael Irvin was at the University of Miami. And I'm going to start with a difficult question for you, Michael, right off the bat. And it's wonderful to see you. Who do you care about more you have to answer it?

The Dallas Cowboys are the University of Miami Hurricane. Hey, Dee, how you doing, my brother? How you're going to ask me something like that, Dee, man. Hey, because one may assess and say, wow, he's showing. He has the three things. sitting right back but the reality indeed is all steps

that never happens if that never happened you see what I'm saying and so so it's just the base is what matters most really is the base is what matters most if Jimmy had sent me home

the first day I got in a fight you know after you I wouldn't be here if he had sent me home after I broke the line I don't know say his name because you're my great friend. After I broke the guy's jaw

here, you know, with a never guiding year. So, you know what I mean? I just got to look at it like that. They tried to get me with that at the game, you know, some media, well, which city do you care about the most? Which team do you like the most? I said, the team in the city,

I want a championship in. Take that one. I have a number of different questions to ask. you about the University of Miami. So give me some historical precedent. Has the University of Miami ever had a player like Malachi Tony? I'm not just talking about the electricity.

I'm talking about Miami-Born. You're about the closest thing from Broward. Dan, no, no. And I'm talking shoulders down, shoulders up. I'm talking outside, inside, everything. I haven't said, man, I wished. And I don't know now, the maturity that they're saying, kid shows. I can't call him a kid. This young man shows

is insane. It's incredible. How focused he is. How smart he is. How talented he is. How diverse he is. And honestly, Dan, I've said this. He's the right person for this. You know, I'm joking with people, but I'm not joking when I say, oh, that's going, that's that's Michael Irving. But he's right to handle it much better. better than the actual Michael Orrb.

If I know what I mean, he's mature. He's just, he's perfect. And I mean, I mean, for a young man, Mark Fletcher's like that too. I mean, we got great, great young men. And I was, I mean, then, we do them dirty. Our old history do these young men dirty. Because our old history has a lot of dirty in it.

But these young men, they deserve. of the best, man, and it got the great moms around them. So, yeah, we're blessed right now. This is a different Miami and a better Miami. It really is. This is when we said the new you, this is a different brand. How did it come to be, Michael, and did you expect it to come to be, that you would be on your hands and knees on the sideline of every University of Miami game and really rivaling the ibis, and I offer you no insult when I say this. No other college Which program has a Hall of Famer as a mascot. And, Dan, only you could say that.

Only you could say that because of our history. And before I came on, man, I was talking about, you know, how long it's been since I've been on with you. Think about it, Dan. We go back to when I was giving speeches to the team growing up in Florida State. You know, I get people now on the sideline talking about this stuff. Like, man, we act like that. Like, dude.

You don't know, you know, you'll see a Saturday afternoon, but they don't know the whole history and the connectivity and all that Miami has brung to all of us. And all, look, we lived our lives with this, Dan. You and I both. We know each other with great friends because we lived our lives with this right here. And, you know, and at my age, I'll get emotional talking about it, man.

It means everything to me. It just means everything to me. I'll leave it at that time. this past season obviously didn't end. And the half coach Christopal, wait, and the half coach Christobo, you know, be the guy that does it. You know, I, I, when we brought him in, man, this is, this is, if ever, if I'm on my, if, if I'm coming into some landing one day, this is the kind of landing I want to come

into, you know what I mean, Miami playing like this. Miami producing the young men that they are producing right now. Miami being coach by that coach, that guy that I remember selling, you got to come to Miami as a kid coming out of high school. So, yeah, yeah, I get caught up in that. I'm an old man. And yeah, yeah, I'm going to be on that sideline. I feel like that.

Try again, Jason. I'm sorry I interrupted you, Michael. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you didn't interrupt, buddy. I just felt some more. Go ahead on, Jay. You go ahead. So last year didn't end the way the Keynes.

Cain's fans wanted. But the journey getting there, winning the playoff games, the way all of that felt. Like sometimes the journey is incredibly fulfilling. So what was that journey like for you watching the team? And that's why even now more so, I'm so excited about what we have right now. And we all should, man, be able to just just receive it all. Let me tell you the importance of that journey. Ever step other way, it was us against the world.

Every step of the way. Nobody thought we were going in to win any game. Everybody thought, oh, oh, remember what the poll is about to show you. And what does that do when you got all of this outside noise talking about you and not talking for you? It brought us right where they needed to bring us all together. And that's why you saw that run. You know what I mean? Because we thought we were living in different forms for different reasons.

the same thing we had to come through. You put a bunch of men together like that, a bunch of men together like we have. And you tell them, no, they can't, they're not this. And the whole world is saying, no, they can't, they're not this. And you see what kind of brotherhood comes out of that. That's what happened years and years ago. That's what I see happened just last run.

And that's why I thank the world for helping us make it. this way. Look at the, look at how we feel going into this seizure. Look at what these recruits and how it's being recruited now. Every time I look up, they did, hey, hey, they flipping to Miami. I told somebody, we flipping more mugs than I hop. You know what I mean? We're flipping more pancakes than the Wachar House. Are you joking? This is what I'm saying. So, yeah, it's right now. It's right. Dude, we dropped the show that. watching Fletcher about his mom driving across the country. We dropped that show Monday at noon.

We got 75% watching rate on TV. You know what's going on right now? Think about this. Mama Tony, I was just at her birthday party. Don't you miss you, Mom. Oh, my God, dude. This young man came to the house. I meant when we were at Legend Camp,

came upstairs and met all of us. took our hands, made sure we knew what kind of young man he is. So we got a hell of a group, Mama Fletcher driving across the country. You got a twin and watch this. With all we got going on in this country

between mothers and children, and I'll leave it at that because we talk in sports. But with all we got going on in this country between mothers and children, here is us showing our mother, Mother Fletcher, Mark Fletcher's mom, and the beauty of her, and I love her statement, mom's gone, she said it was a long mile for their kid.

Look how darling set this thing up. We had all of this deportation stuff going on last year. People saying to me, oh man, Michael, don't get crazy. People saying to me, as we were deporting people, My people saying this was not our fight. This is not our fight. This not our fight. I was like, what are you talking about?

Martin Luther King, our fight was one thing. It was to be judged by the content of our character, not the color of our skin, or not any other reasons. When you watch this deportation stuff goes on, you got people that have been here 40, 50 years that never broke the law. never did anything wrong.

And you're going to come and scoop them up and just take them out and keep them out. And then I had my people, some of my people say, oh, there's not a fight. Like, are you joking? You've been here this long for your kids through school. You have showed me the content of your character. That matters. I don't need to see a piece of paper. And for God, just so bless us,

with Mario Cristobal, a Cuban American coming out of our all of that you take Miami to where they took them. I know you said, Michael, but this is reality of it. You got to see what God does right in front of you. Look at what we're going through now in this country with all of this, you know, stuff back and forth tariffs and all that. I was so glad that God gave us the World Cup to let the rest of the world

come over here and see for themselves what we are, who we are, and make judgments on for yourself, not from the politics. And every time I looked at these matches that were incredible. I mean, everybody was coming together. It was incredible. It was insane. It was beautiful.

It was beautiful. So it all works out, you know. And now Miami gets a chance. And, well, let me get this one. And now we're seeing what born's on. I'm going to say the name with Clancy and moms and their kids. And here come a story, boom, God gives us, where your single mom go to long mouth like Ms. Fletcher for her kid.

Ain't God good. Did I just give a sermon on your show, buddy? I'm sorry. You usually do. That's why we like having you around. Mama Fletcher will be on Kane's Insight Takeover at 1 o'clock today on YouTube. Michael Irvin is going to be a part of, yes, sir. Dan, there was a lot that went over, Dan, because I didn't talk to you in a while.

But, you know, and I know your dad and everything, and I know how you guys were affected with all of that, man. And I love you. I just wanted to say that. Thank you, buddy. I appreciate it. Every business wants to be ahead of the competition, but with AI moving, as fast as it is,

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If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, go to netsuite.com. A.I.Slasch, DLB. Built for every industry, ready for every boardroom. NetSuite. com.A.I.S.D.L.B.A.R.D.L.A.R.E.R.E.R.E.R.E. Jonathan Sassel. Is this Chumbucket show? First ever regular season game in Australia on Netflix, the Melbourne game. We'll talk to him about Rams and 49ers.

in a second. But when I ask you about how you felt, the details of how you reacted to losing to Indiana in the championship game, and where that ranks among the times that you have suffered a loss, take me through all of what it is the end of last season was for you emotionally. Well, okay, I'm, yeah, I'm, all right, we're passing, because I really wanted to get that victory, you know, I really did, and I thought that was incredible, and such an incredible journey even getting it. You want that story told. I wanted that story told.

We all did. We wanted that story told. Just like I told you, I look at it from a macro, not just a Michael of the game, but, you know, the Cuban-American leading his theme to a championship. The only thing that gave me pieces that he got beat by a Cuban-American quarterback. You see what I'm saying? I was like, okay, we're good.

Okay, God gave me something on that, you know? But I was looking at it from that standpoint. But as this pointed as I was that Miami did not win, we have to understand that that journey was such a huge victory. The way it went about that journey was such a huge victory. Because it brought us back to the family. We kept bringing teams in here. But since football is more than just a skill set,

Football is a combination of your skill plus your will. So every time you get together, you got to have things that make you deep in your collective will. And that's what that journey did. So I think it deepened everybody that puts on that you on the side of tell me it deepens their collective will. Everybody, they got a chance to see people that like them by trying to keep them out of the pole, you know. know what I'm saying? So they got a chance to really see and feel, oh, it's really us against the world. Ruben Bain got a chance to see it because his arm, he just got drafted.

What are we talking about his armaments? So, you know what I mean? It's a family. Look how tight we are. We're back together. Yes, I was disappointed with the outcome, but I'm so happy with what we should call the cocoon that has turned us into this beautiful

butterfly. That's very positive. That's more positive because I would have assumed as emotional as you are that you would have been a special kind of crushed. I was crushed then, bro. I was crushed there. But that crush now is crushed by

the excitement going into the season there. We're about to end this one with a championship in Vegas. Are you joking? Miami would have been It was going to be great. I got mine in Miami. I wanted my boys to have it.

We lit up the city. We brought it to life, you know. But, man, this next journey is all you got to focus on right now. I can't even go back to the pain of yesterday because I'm too excited about, seriously, about what we're going to start here in a few days in San Jose. Where are we in the NFL? Okay, the Rams are plus 500 to win the Super Bowl over the last 30 years. 20 teams have been plus 500 or better, and none have won the Super Bowl. Your thoughts on what's going to happen with the Rams this year?

And the one thing I will say to this, because every time, and you guys saw it in Miami when LeBron and Bosch and all those guys came with D. Wade, when you think that's much great talent together, it takes time to make it come together. They got to try to discern and decipher who's going to be what and win and why. Now, this kind of great talent that they have with the Rams should have that issue because Aaron Donald is not something new. Miles Garrett was the new. Aaron Donald is something returning. So the closeness and there's no argument about who's what there.

Aaron Donald's coming out of retirement, Miles Garrett wrote the record last year. He's the alpha. And now your number two is Aaron Donald. Get single coverage. That's COVID scary. You know what to remind me of being? And you can appreciate this. We talked about it at the Hall of Fame.

It reminds me of Jerome Brown and Reggie White. It's as closest as you can get to what we are about to see. And I was on that team when they sat Troy. 11 times in the game. So, yeah, it's going to be hard. It's going to be tough for anybody to mess with it. He's going to be...

But I'm willing. I'm willing now. Somewhere down the road, George Piggins just gave the Cowboys something that they needed. You know what I mean? Like signing and taking their franchise tag. And you got a Tyler Smith says,

and this is football talking. I mean, pro football talk. Tyler, the back, the best guard, one of the best guards in the NFL, It's not the best guard in the NFL. I won-on-one him with Aaron Donald, and then I turn the rest of the focus to Miles Garrett. I think the Cowboys can give him some run.

I don't know how he turned the Rams question into the Cowboys' answer, featuring the Rams. He also turned him into the game's answer. The game in Melbourne is the Rams and the 49ers. It's Thursday, September 10th. He's going to be in Melbourne. Michael, it's always great to see you. Don't be a stranger.

Thank you, sir. Why don't get to see you more, Dan? I don't see anything. When my secretary sends me stuff and says, Dan, I get to talk to the day and the day. I was like, oh, my God, man. Why don't I get to talk to you more, buddy? I'm going to reach out to you more this season.

It's always nice seeing you. 40 years, buddy, it's a crazy amount of time. Thank you for what it is that you do for the show, what you do for Miami. I appreciate you, buddy. I love you, man. Appreciate you guys. see you later.

The easiest answer is you're in Miami Hurricanes Pariah. Kane's Insight has the studio for six hours today. Thank you for that. Where's D-Money? D-Money's around waiting for you to say his name. Look at him. He's already smiling. I would love for Dan to take the baton, though, and become what Michael Irvin is on Kane's sidelines.

Like, you know, all force. Belt and ass. You got Dan going on the sidelines. All force. No, he's not welcome. You have to get a phone. No one cares more about the Miami Hurricanes than Michael Irvin, right? Maybe D. Money.

What about Mike Ryan? Mike Ryan wants the studio for 12 hours today. I've given it to him for five. Cain's Insight is going to be on YouTube. What is D. Money doing? Why did he have to get here four hours early? He's not preparing. What's he doing?

He knows everything about the Cains already. What is he doing right now? He has for the last two and a half hours just stared completely straight into that camera waiting for ISO shots. Can you guys get a little sparkle to put on his teeth there so that when we turn the camera to him, we can get the sparkle on his teeth extra laminated? Can we relive and play this video here of Michael Irvin getting the siren going before Kane's game? It's one of my favorite. He's so proud of himself. We miss him today.

Comedy. He is sleeping, Chris Cross Apple sauce style on, again, a cruise and a drink package that's going from here to Key West, here to Bimini. It is the shortest possible cruise that there is on this size of a boat that exists. The Cody family loves them some cruises. They cannot get enough of cruises.

it is that they go, they cannot get enough of drink packages. So we already had the video of him taking a nap. He took a nap on the cruise because he wanted to make, he wanted to get ready before it was time to go swimming and here he is he's about to jump in the pool. Then he went to the pool afterwards. This is unfair. What you guys are doing to him, he

hates that photo. He claims it's not him, but it is clearly him. So obviously him. It is. It's strange that he would be wearing LSU thong and an LSU tiger hat given that he's a, you know, he's a Miami guy.

He's trying to hide in plain sight. Greg Cody will return next week in order to finish his catchphrase countdown. We will have back in my day this hour, though. Tony, you know that moment at a party or a tailgate where everything just sort of clicks. I know it well. It's usually when I show up. Everybody goes crazy. Yeah, you usually take all the credit for it.

But it's because Tony usually walks in with Quarvo. I'm walking like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quervo is a thing that turns hanging out into. This is the night. It has that effect on people. It does. You usually take the credit for it.

But again, it's the Cuervo effect. It's like that moment in a big game where everyone in the crowd just starts standing up, hooting and hollering. Keep it quervo. Keep it quervo, baby. Down lebatar. Is there back in my day? There is, actually. Are you not going to tell anyone?

Wait a minute. You guys. It's a Tuesday. It's a Tuesday. Greg Corey, here's your guide. Greg Corey. We're back in my day. Okay, here it is.

Sorry. Adultery. That is. We are back. We're rated for this one. This is the Dan Levatar show. We do have another suey to get to in this hour. But before we do this, since we're talking about the Rams, you guys heard the stat I just gave you.

They're plus 500 to win the Super Bowl. 20 times a team has been plus 500. None of them have won the Super Bowl because football doesn't technically work that way. Yeah, no football team should ever be that low in terms of a market price. There's just too many variables. I was surprised, though, that there had been 20 in the history of all wagering that ended up with plus 500 as a number. But as a couple of Rams-related things I wanted to get to, they trolled the Miami Heat the other day right before signing Aaron Donald. I do enjoy when the social media.

teams are more clever than their coaches and more clever than their quarterbacks. I do enjoy this change from some of the people in the Chargers are the best at this. Are we acknowledging that in the, who is the greatest of the social media teams in football or in sports of obviously having young people run the accounts? And you see what the Rams did here with their tweet where they're saying of Aaron Donald and the announcement. Anybody know how to set up a YouTube live stream without it going public need to test for something because they were teasing the Miami Heat about the fact that they made the mistake of making it seem like LeBron was going to end up here. But when I tell you that Aaron Donald is now a ram, I don't know what people expect from him after two years off,

but I wanted to sort of commiserate here with Mike. I don't think this is a story that Zaslow knows. But for me, the name Aaron Donald has sort of a PTSD because at ESPN, right at the start, I'm going to say of ESPN trying to figure out what these NFL teams have figured out on how to do social media. They sent a group of people to Miami on a budget, Zaslow, to help me use our Twitter account correctly. A person came down here, Mike, please help me with some of the details because I don't remember them. But with my name, they sent this out as an example of how to send a tweet when I wanted to be able to fool around with Twitter and do things in my voice. And the tweet they sent out was a young and skinny Aaron Donald here with a picture. Aaron Donald is a beast.

They showed me this as an example of how to use. social media. That's edgy. Mike, am I misrepresenting this story in any way? No, that's about it. Are there any details that the audience would need to understand how it is that ESPN

sent somebody down with a travel budget? Multiple people, right? It wasn't just one person to show me how to tweet correctly. That's among the things that they, that party was there to do. Yeah. It was a party. It was a party.

It wasn't all social media people or, you know, luminaries. from fishing shops and potential sponsors that you didn't give the time of day. Aaron Donald is a beast was the tweet. We're not making that up, says. We're not trying to be funny.

I think Chris Cody did split his shorts at meeting. I think it was that meeting. Really? Remember that? Good times. I was walking to a meeting with high ups from ESPN and I fell and ripped my shorts. You fell in front of them?

Well, I like tripped, but they didn't notice that my shorts just completely ripped in the crotchal region. But like you fell, you stripped? So then I stumbled, yeah, more of a stumble, but it was a bad stumble. And I had to sit at a lunch for about an hour with ripped shorts, just not fearful that anyone would notice. You got to hand it to them, though. They nailed it.

Aaron Donald is a beast. Tweet holds up. I don't know how they had $20 million. This team. How? How? It was two roster moves ago. They were like, how do they have the money for this?

And then they added Miles Garrett. I don't know how they got the corners. And then they added Miles Garrett, and then they found another $20 million. Now, I've asked people in the NFL, how does this happen? And the response that I got, it's very easy to play with the money when it's a short-term deal. But it seems unfair. Yeah, I just feel like if we looked up a few days ago, you know, teams that are under the salary cap right now, the Rams were probably not minus 20.

The Niners also have plenty of space. They're just teams that know how to manipulate this thing, and nobody in the general public can explain it. We have some breaking local news, and it's tied to Tua Tua Tua just posted a photo on Instagram. You could see it here. It says, for the A. So obviously you see the dolphins in the background. It's got the emoji of the salute. But then you can see a comment from himself.

We're so proud of you. You got this with a heart, which either means Tua's, you know, struggling himself. He's just sort of in positive self-talk. Or, and this is the more likely scenario, he forgot to switch to the burner account, and he commented on his own post and just got caught red-handed. Those are my own personal screenshots of the post. So that is 100% happening.

We are not getting ball-sacked. He really commented that on his own post. Another solution could be maybe someone in his family has admin credentials, runs a social, and they forgot to switch. God, I hope so. I like Jeremy's version better. The dolphins are paying to a $55 million this season. Is that more than Mahomes?

Is that more than Mahomes is making for the chiefs this season? I think it might be more than the most. Man, that is such insight into what he just wants. He's like, I just want someone to comment and be like, hey, you got this. Like, that makes me sad that that's the kind. Like, you know, you would think it would be like, hell yeah, you're my favorite quarterback, like a classic fan thing. but no, it's like emotional support with like a heart on it.

Like, hey, it's okay. You got that. He's writing that to himself? Holy shit, this is dark. Yeah. So there is at no point in Patrick Mahomes' huge record-breaking contract that he makes $55 million. But his cap hit does balloon up to crazy astronomical amounts. But he's going to restructure every year because the NFL salary cap is a lie.

For example, right now, his base salary, Patrick Mahomes for this season, is $1.3 million. But he's on the books for a $34 million cap hit. But next year, that cap hit balloons up to $90 million. That will not be the case. It will also be restructured. If he's putting that out there, that original post for the A, he must have just been told he's going to be the starter, right? When you assume that's what that means?

It seems like it. I don't know. I'm not getting in the guy's head. I don't want to get in there. I just think it's, you know, for the A. You made the team yesterday, which you were surprised by on Zaslo's Show 2.0. I was so ready to, like, just laugh at this. And it makes me sad that that's what he's commenting on himself.

Well, the whole thing with Tua is sad. And everything that was built around him as the foundation leaves them in a position, as I mentioned yesterday, where they're top five highest paid people, because this is a janitorial job that half-lawful. has taken, their top five highest paid people aren't playing for the team next year. That can't be so. Like, my guess is if you go through the entirety of the league, like when you talk about what is a breach on a failure of engineering of architecture, my guess is that if you go

throughout the league, you will not find that the two highest paid players on any team are players who are no longer playing for that team. Never mind five. Like, it's just a catastrophic breach on how you built something during the salary cap age. Across the decades. It's crazy. It's something that doesn't have a whole lot of precedent I've got to imagine. My guess is, if I had to guess without looking it up, my guess is it's never happened before in the history of the league.

Where your top five guys aren't playing for. Your highest paid five, like, you can't win like that. There's no circumstance in which that can be overcome. might be, I might have a comp, the New Orleans Saints. They were in Cap House. They were terrible. They were terrible last year. No, I think they're still dealing with it because of all the restructures and all that money caught up with them. That was Loomis. I saw some chart of like all the teams this season and the dead money they're dealing with. The Saints, I believe, our second. But it's like half of what the Dolphins might still be playing Breeze, Michael Thomas and Jimmy Graham. We have another Sue. We have another Suey Award to get to here. Chris, what is the category? Because you've got three of them to get to today. This is back in my day. And there are three nominees here you'd think that I'm like just taking the best of the best. Nope,

I took all of them. We shouldn't have played. We shouldn't play any of these. But go ahead. We only got three back in my days from Greg Cody this year. And now the suey nominees for best back in my day. Bowling. Bowling. I'm in a weekly bowling league. Why? Because I'm an every man, a lunch pale guy, the face of blue collar. And I love it. But all bowlers nowadays, except me, have this. in common. Everybody thinks they're a pro. They waltz into the bowling alley with rolling luggage full of four, five, six different bowling balls. I'm the only one in my entire league, no lie, with a single handheld bag containing one ball. The others have a ball for oily lane conditions, another ball for dry lanes, a ball for particular spare combos, please. The ball racks get

filled up and there's so many bags and rollers of surplus balls, the poor waitress trying to bring me another bucket of Miller Light has to weave through a slalom of luggage. Ridiculum. Also, fellow wearing his name and script on the back of your bowling shirt, nobody knows who you are or cares. You're bowling of 138. Get in your lane, and I don't mean Lane 11. Also, Don Carter, quit dancing into my lane with your body English after the ball leaves your hands. Make bowling bowling again.

Three fingers. A two-ball limit. name on your shirt because you're in a handicap league for a reason, Jack. Also, bring back Chris Schenkel even though he's dead. I'm Greg Cody and that's how it was back in my day. Reviews.

Reviews. Everybody wants a review. Places where I do business, listen up. Unless you hear otherwise from me directly, assume my transaction was stultifyingly mundane yet unremarkably satisfactory in its way. If it was top

tier great. I'm going to tell you before I leave. If it was abysmal and left me angry, you'll hear from my lawyers, McGillicuddy, pedophagher, and sheister. Retailers, it's very simple. You had something I wanted. I bought it. You got paid. It's called commerce. End of transaction. Quit hectoring me for a review. I'm Greg Cody, and that's how it was back in my day. Cliff's notes. Cliffs notes. Things were so innocent when I was in school growing up. that Cliff's Notes felt like cheating. Cliff's Notes was the academic equivalent of Rosie Ruiz running a marathon. Only these shortcuts and cut corners were perfectly legal, accepted even.

The iconic yellow and black guidebooks became such a part of society that they inspired Wiz Khalifa to write his song, Black and Yellow. Okay, totally made that up. Now back to the truth. Cliff's Notes was the start of us having it easy. Too easy. Time was you wanted direction somewhere. You had to consult an Atlas.

Ask someone who'd been there or get a triptych from AAA. You needed a paper on World War II. You hit the encyclopedia or ask grandpappy. No Alexa or Siri or whatever she's called now. No Google to ask. And certainly no artificial intelligence to do everything for you but wipe your ass. Cliff's notes was a delightful shortcut. Something different.

Now everything's a shortcut. The very need for formal education is getting closer and closer to becoming extinct. There is no real need to. know that pi equals 3.14 or that Australia is wider than the moon. But if there were, your laptop can tell you faster than your teacher. Now, so can Cliff's notes, which sadly has adapted to the Times and become more of an online entity that wants to do even more of your work for you. Ban everything that gives you free information fast. Make learning laborious again. Bring back dictionaries, atlases, road map, sets of encyclopedias, and a reliance on the fate of

memories of elders. I'm Greg Cody and that's how it was. I'm my day. Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back. Let's go. See, Jeremy. My clips, clips. That's embarrassing. That's just an embarrassing collection of work.

His breathing in that second one made me nervous. All right. Put it on the poll. Played Juju at Lebitard Show. Can you be someone's great friend when you have broken their jaw on purpose?