The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Postgame Show: Cannibalism?

Episode Date: November 28, 2023

Folks, we have a brand new edible mascot: The Pop Tarts Bowl has unveiled its newest creation. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to Draft King's Network. We are inching ever so closely to the most wonderful time of the year, bowl season. I love bowl season, and yes, it's been diluted by players jumping to the draft and protecting their bodies or players deciding They're going to get an early start on the portal and just four go the postseason treasure that is a bowl game However, bowl games still matter Mario Chris of all gave voice to this and a press conference earlier this week postseason awards matter and Well, that was made out of bull games in the 90s about the commercialization of these ball games.

Remember, these ball games had prestige. They didn't have corporate sponsors attached to the name, the peach bowl. It was the peach bowl. It wasn't the Chick-fil-A peach bowl or the Chick-fil-Label. It was the peach bowl. Tostita's fiesta bowl was pretty memorable, but it was just the fiesta bowl.

Before that, it was just the fiesta bowl and people miss that however I like where we're at right now the tostitos by the way when it when it morphed like whatever objections I have to commercialization and the brazen greed in sports when I got to Arizona and they would just give the media Unending tostitos like I was like, okay. Full sponsorship, sell me out, I'm sold out. What are you, what are you making faces about, Jeremy? No, that sounds incredible. That is perfect to be able to walk in as the media and just get an unlimited of those.

They bought the media with wonderful salty chips. Right, but that was all there was to these things until these companies decided, okay, we hear people aren't fans of this, but let's just lean all the way in on this. And now we're here in 2023, and the best bowl games are the ones that feel the most commercial. Outside of the granddaddy of the mall,

which actually doesn't have the sponsor on the top of the name. It's a Rose Bowl game presented by corporate sponsor here. Everybody else has a corporate sponsor. Rose Bowl is still holding on to where the granddaddy of the mall granddaddy will not allow anybody to put their corporate name over granddaddy yeah and depending on who's the cfp i would argue that the rose bull still to this day matters and an old time away will see what happens next year when there is no more packed twelve but the tradition rich rose bull is still a thing

it's the it's one of the playoff games this year. So it's really, I've gone to the Rose Bowl like when my team's playing, that's an unreal environment. So yeah, that will always last, even without the back 12. But I would argue right now, the bowl game with the second most prestige is the Duke's Mayo Bowl. No.

Absolutely. Already? Yeah, because they bought their way in the game with Mayo just by dumping it on announcers for a couple of years, three years, and they've already escalated to where the bowl who does it a little differently will slather it in Mayo. Yes. Yeah. Michael, a junior became a... They can thank Gojo for that. A mega-star when he started dunking Oreo cookies in Mayo. And then part of the

tradition, rich, but Mayo-, male bull prestige really blew up when they decided to instead of dumping gatorade on a winning coach, dump male on a winning coach. And we've seen this before with a famous Idaho potato bull where the gatorade container would be filled with french fries, something that Dan does every weekend. Not a lot of people know that.

Don't limit me. Yeah. The occasional ones say too. And Monday morning for breakfast. It's also. Don't limit me. Yeah. The occasional Wednesday too. And Monday morning for breakfast. It's also a salad crouton. But the mayo really kind of overlap that even though they totally swagger jacked the Idaho potato bowl. The mayo is just far more satisfying.

It's grosser. It's more disgusting. In fact, I can't, I mean, you can't think of a lot of edible things more disgusting than that to slather on your stomach. So what food item will come from Mayo stuff? Well, I'm glad you asked because Pop Tarts. Pop Tarts, I didn't believe there was an answer to that question. Pop Tarts have a bowl game and Lucy, can you inform the audience of the latest development with regards to the Pop Tart bowl?

So the Pop Tart bowl, I believe, was originally the Cheez-It's Bowl, and they dumped Cheez-It's, and they had a giant Cheez-It mascot, so Cheez, it didn't get the level of press at the Mayo Bowl, so they have, they have course corrected, they are now the Pop-Tarts Bowl, and if you win, you can take a bite out of the edible mascot. And you guys are alleging that, basically, what we have done to soil the legacy and history of college footballs,

bowl games that used to be just the peach bowl, the orange bowl, the cotton bowl, no corporate sponsors. You say that if your food item is good, you could skyrocket right to the top of being the most prestigious bowl other than the granddaddy. You should have cheered when I told you that information. I don't understand what this is about. Dan, there is going to be a dancing mascot, okay? This is, bull games are in a golden era right now. If you give yourself over to free market capitalism and commercialism because you had the Jimmy Camel mascot

of the Jimmy Kimmel bull, this year the LA Bull is brought to you by Grung. I thought that was weird. I didn't understand. They did the press conference and Grung's whole thing. Basically, it's the LA Bowl brought to you. Gronks not really a marketer the way that charisma would market. It's like we're going to get lit is and that's the slogan that will skyrocket to the top.

An interesting note now the Gronk Bowl is taking note from the PopTarp Bowl. You can bite Gronk after you win the game as well. But Dan there's going to be a dancing pop tart and at the end of the game There's an ACC tie and can you imagine Dave Doran in a celebratory fashion taking a bite out of a pop tart mask? Where's this bowl gonna be or land out? I'll bite this tart. Send me I don't know if I'm allowed to but I'll bite it if it walks by me. I'm taking a bite now They haven't clarified who can eat the pop tart,

but I'm hoping for a walking dead scenario in which a team just ravages a pop tart and all it's gonna bite out of them. They're like Thanksgiving, like Thanksgiving where they're all running around as glutton. You're saying the team that wins just devours the pop tart. Is there gonna be a human in this pop tart?

That's the people who don't have it. Yeah, well, I would assume it would be a mask. It's a mask, guys. I would just say it's a large pop tart. It wouldn't be the mask, guys. That's kind of what I'm thinking, is I feel like there's probably gonna be a version of the pop tart that stands and around

as a mask God in a costume. I'll sabotage that. And then there's gonna be a separate giant pop tart for everyone to eat. I think the mask... I'm actually like chasing a guy running away from me because I wanna bite him. The mask God, I think the costume is edible.

That is an edible. The whole thing is not an edible. It's not an edible. It's being sold as this is an edible mascot. There must be, if it's an edible mascot, at some point during the game, people will be taking bites out of the mascot. What's the point of having an edible mascot unless someone's going to eat parts of the mascot? Precisely, Dan.

And it's not so much the action, though that in itself is comical. Seeing a generic football coach take a bite out of a pop chart. How big is the pop chart? It's a mascot size. But how big is it? See any small mascots?

But how big is it a giant pop chart? Is it an even size? We have an animated graphic. It doesn't necessarily, if you look at the scale with a football, if that's a real football. Those legs are not real. Those are not human legs. I don't know what do you mean if that's a real football?

Those are clearly not human legs. Those are not human arms. Maybe it's an AI pop tart. It's, but it's not an AI human. It's an AI pop tart. It's an AI pop tart with cartoon skinny legs. Why are the attack? Why are you trying to poke holes in this?

They've said it's an edible mascot. Why can't does the pop tart bowl not have enough credibility with you that you're not going to take them at their word? They can't show us the mascot ahead of time because we don't know what this bowl matchup is. It could suck. We need a reason to tune in.

Right. And see the edible mascot. And the hope is you have a coach that is funny, eating a pop tart because, yeah, the Shane Beamer had a moment where they accidentally clocked him in the head with a canister or mayo, and there was a temporary, an interim head coach wearing an oversized hat which was cheating.

The mayo, I saw that, you just played that. The mayo, the oversized hat to dump mayo on your head, that's cheating. That's your head. That's cheap. That's cop enough. That's worse than harbors. These are both ACC tie-ins and I'm really sincerely hoping that Mario Chris a ball provided he wins as an opportunity to take a bite out of a live mascot. I'm, I've done some digging here.

Dubbed the first of its kind, the Pop Tarts Bowl mascot will interact with the crowd during the game, but by the time the final whistle blows, the toaster pastry character will trant, quote, transform into a snack for Victoria's team to feast on. I've got a quote from the mask on and then they're just going to switch it out for a large part. Yeah, the VP of marketing for Pop Tarts, Sarah Reneky. Here's a quote from her during the grand entrance and for the entirety of the game, there will be a traditional mascot costume made from fabric and non-edible materials that a person will wear you can get the food The edible mascot will only be revealed after the game ends have no fear no

Humans will be harmed in the enjoyment of the pop-darts edible mascot. Why not? You already took the out back bowl from us. Don't take this too Yeah, he needs to be put in a toaster alive Or she it's 2023 Thank you. I'm not sure what gender the pop card is poor cheese it's bull gone. I wanted a world where the pop dart ball and the cheese it's full We're here the cheese it's bull used to have certain players that would stay in like a cheese it real I'll show you picture. You'd love it. I mean technically any mascot is edible Whoa that got dark.

Bevo. I mean, well, but not to, he's doing human stuff. Colorado, technically. I mean, well, but what, I don't. We're getting all excited about edible mascots. Yeah, but here, wait a minute. You've gone, descended into cannibalism, and we didn't even get to enjoy this for 10 minutes.

If you win the Fenway Bowl, you get to eat Jacobi L'sbury. Yeah. We didn't get 10 minutes into celebrating the edible mascot the joys of the edible mascot before it was revealed to be a fraud and then Jeremy immediately took it to technically all mascots are edible with you if army hammers your head coach their cannibalism jokes i can't work with cannibalism jokes we started started at Pop Tarts. Pop Tarts are delicious.

Human beings, to my knowledge, are not delicious. What's your favorite? S'mores. I said it. I love the S'mores. Brown cinnamon sugar for sure. Yeah, the brown cinnamon sugar. That's the top one.

They make Pop Tart little puffs now. Have you tried those? They can't use this. Am I an asshole for just liking these? Yes. I got a hot take. Am I an asshole for just liking the strawberry pop. I got a hot take. Am I an asshole for just liking the strawberry pop tart?

No, that's not at all. That's a really good one. You don't have to toast your pop tart though. That's my hot take. You eat brown cinnamon, too. Root temp. Yeah. Wait, what?

No toasting? Same. I mean toasting is fine. Toasting him is fine, but it becomes like a fig newton if you don't toast it. No. No. Cookie with a little filling in it. It's nice.

Toset. No, I completely disagree. I'm completely disagree. I'm with, yeah, I'm from a tempos Chris over here. Room temp. If for me, my favorite version of a pop tart, get it out of a vending machine. And it's like a little soft.

Oh, you monster. And you can just kind of, you don't even get a snap with it. You just, it's kind of a soft chewy. I wanted to be with you on this, but that's crazy. No, it's not. It's not crazy. It's delicious. It's edible and it's wonderful.

All you like cannibalism, so all things are edible. I don't like cannibalism. Put it on the pole, please, Juju. Is Jeremy pro cannibalism? And also put on the pole, your pop tart toasted or room temperature. This is an important question. I think you're gonna be surprised by the numbers here, Dan. It's gotta be toasted.

I can't be close to split. I'm not saying you won't win, but it'll be close. In fact, I'm not sure since the first time I toasted a pop tart that I've toasted a pop tart since. You're talking. You'd like to hear complicated legacy, Joseph Gackie reading some texts from Army Hammer. Sure.

Please. This is a weird kink that some from army hammer. Sure. Please. Yeah. This is a weird kink that some people might have on Reddit. Helplessly horny. And I just need to tell you, it's been so long since last time. I'm been f***ing more and I'm so hard. I'm screaming. My legs are going to be, I don't know what that one is.

Yeah. I'm dying to send you picks a blood. I just want to f***ing eat you already. That was Army Hammer's DMs. Would you let me take a bite of you? I'm serious. I want to eat you. Nailed it. Took a dark turn. I am 100% accountable.

He started with pop tarts. I've cut the heart out of a living animal before. Neatnet was still warm. Didn't get enough complicated legacy. Liza gang today was the happiest you were today. I lived in the same neighborhood neighborhood as a cannibal. He got arrested.