The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Postgame Show: Chris Wittyngham Has Takes

Episode Date: November 26, 2024

Witty is back in town for a call on Paramount Plus tonight, and he has joined the crew in-studio to share two takes that he hasn't been able to get off the ground since leaving the show revolving around soap dispensers and alcoholic seltzers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Giraffe King's Network. You guys kind of groaned a little bit when Whittingham came in here. I thought I was going to get a whole lot of smiles. Me and Stugats were thrilled to see him. We gave him vigorous hugs. He came in with material. He's like, I've got stuff in my Notes app. There are things he misses about the show.

His ability to get off his hot takes. He's got nowhere to put them. So I was so happy to see him, but that's where he crossed the line. It's like, you want me to do more? You want me to stick around for you? Yes, Jesus Christ. An extra 12 minutes of work.

Look, he's got goal lists that he's doing this project on soccer that has been fun, interesting, it's blown up. Mike does it occasionally. A lot of people are listening to it these days. But you can't put what you have here there. There isn't really room. All I do is talk about soccer 24-7 on the podcast,

on the CBS Sports Goal Awesome Network, on the games that I call. I don't have room for these sorts of, every once in a while I'll throw it in a group chat, but it doesn't feel the same as getting to expound upon them. I actually have a section of my notes app. It's called Organizing Brain.

And I have one that's called Rants. So I have two rants in case anybody wants them. Wait, you just come here to talk to people? No, I came here to record an episode of Goal List. I actually, I arrived in Miami to call a game, I'm calling a game on Tuesday, Binary Meeting Against PSG. I went to rent a car, and I have changed my driver's license. Thank you.

Binary Meeting Against PSG live on Paramount Plus from 3 p.m. on Tuesday. You know the game's in Europe. Yeah, so I fly from Connecticut to Fort Lauderdale to call the games, that's Yeah, so I fly from Connecticut to Fort Lauderdale to call it the games. That's how things make sense in our world. So I did not have a, I don't have a driver's license on me at this moment in time,

because I'm shifting from my Florida license to my Connecticut license, easy for me to say, my Connecticut license, so they wouldn't rent me a car. So I had to figure out an Uber situation to get here to record an episode of Goal-less. It's a long way of getting to. He has a brain organization in his phone and he's got two ranch.

Just a couple things. I imagine the pre-show meeting is filled with, oh, here's what I'm thinking about. Here are things that I've noticed in the world. It is not. You'd be surprised how little of that there actually is. Oh, interesting. The pre-show meeting hasn't gotten any better

since you left. It's gotten shorter. It's, yeah. How did you think you were gonna rent a car how little of that there actually is. The pre-show meeting hasn't gotten any better since you left. It's gotten shorter. It's, yeah. How did you think you were gonna rent a car without a license? Well, first off. White privilege.

Well, to be fair, so I have my passport on me, but I don't have my driver's license. I thought some other form of identification, I thought a receipt that I had that showed I got this driver's license that's yet to arrive. But you're driving a car that's not yours. You don't show a receipt that I had that showed I got this driver's license that's yet to arrive, but you're driving a car That's not yours. You don't show a receipt. He was hoping that he was hoping they were a little looser Honestly, basically all government systems failing would allow the DMV to let him skate on the fact

I clearly am responsible look at me What I thought was gonna happen was Avis preferred was just gonna give me a QR code Which is generally what happens they get a code, you scan the QR code, and then you go. Probably for the better though, that I didn't end up driving. So I have to Uber everywhere while I'm here. You were trying to cheat the system, huh?

A little bit, yeah. Not cheat the system. Yeah, probably cheat the system. If he walks into the DMV, aren't you assuming just based on looking at him that he's responsible? Yes. That he probably has his affairs in order,

just generally? I had a folder, which ironically is a Florida Panthers folder that I still have that was like a gift from when I worked in radio like five years ago with like basically all of my documents. I keep it on my person at all times. I have a Canadian work permit on my person at all times. There's not a person that I could imagine

being more stressed about driving around without a license even just to go to like the grocery Store than you ten into five above the speed limit the entire time. I am I would be terrified To drive around you might turn yourself in Avis to the police station? That'd be amazing. I'm picturing him, Kevin Spacey in seven, falling in the middle of the floor

in the police precinct. Tis I, the one who drives without a license. And this is the manager at the rental car place that allowed me to do this. Take my manifesto inside the Florida Panther binder. Yes. A conscience of guilt driving for three minutes straight to the police station to confess.

Also, on my way over here, rolling stop. It felt bad about it. Didn't come to a complete stop. I did not honor the left turn arrow. I apologize. So you have a bit to do? What is the subject matter? I've got two.

That's not a bit. He's got subject matter. Yeah, I've got two things. He's got opinions. I've got two things. Okay, wow. One is, has anyone gone to a bathroom and waved the motion sensor soap dispenser

and gotten soap out of it? It never works. There's one at like, there's 10 at my job up at CBS in our building. None of them have soap of it. It never works. There's one at like, there's 10 at my job up at CBS in our building. None of them have soap in it. Every time I go to an airport, they have the motion sensor hand thing. None of them have soap in it.

What happened, was the button a bad system? The button of soap, where it dislodges and you get a little bit, was that a bad system? The motion sensor thing flatly doesn't work It's been a failed experiment. We need to go back to the button. We need we need to go back to a bottle We need to go back to something motion sensor has not worked for years I'm with him on this How many waves until you punt on it? I'm with him on this.

And it makes a little noise. All of a sudden I'm reaching for other soap ones. I'm going a couple down. I'm getting the entire sink wet from left to right. It only works. None of them have soap. They only work when the guy next to you comes up and gets it perfectly.

And you're like, oh, you know the perfect rotation of hands to do this. And they got away from the buttons, because, well, you don't want the bacteria there. But you're washing your hands after. You got the wash that's happening post button push. And we've got the motion sensor water thing nailed down. It's a great system, but the soap, dreadful. We have a motion sensor garbage here, unnecessary.

You know what? And it doesn't work, and it doesn't work. I tried to throw some garbage away and it didn't open. You know what was plenty for me? The foot thing. I push the foot thing down, it pops up. That's all I need. I don't need a hand. I'm all of a sudden, this is me every ten minutes for the garbage. Y'all sound old. I'm always touching the button. And you want to talk about bacteria.

Yep, I touch that button all the time. So do I. Then I have to go wash my hands and the soap doesn't work. Now where am I at? Woody's right about everything he's saying. We're unclean. Well, I also think this is just Miami and the service industry in general. I feel like other cities are better at this than we are.

I'm a Connecticut resident now. I will have you know, Dan. And no better. No better up in Connecticut. It's no better. It's a dreadful system. The soap thing is a failed experiment. Dan, I've seen this, and you're gonna like this.

I've seen that some of those hand sensors are racist. Like they can pick up on the race of your hand, and then they sometimes work and sometimes don't. Hmm. Why would you think that I would like that? Just a deep dive. I know you're well read, you like to look into some of these things.

No Billy, you were on, not Dan, I would like that. Oh Jeremy would like that. What is your second rant, Whitting Hand? My second rant, I'm a big high noon guy. I'm surprised there wasn't a place for that one on Goal-less. So I'm a big high noon guy. I'm surprised there wasn't a place for that one on Goalless. So I'm a big high noon guy. Breaking down all the goals. Checks out.

We can all agree that the best high noon flavor is watermelon. By far the best high noon flavor. You can't find it. Anytime you go to a liquor store, anytime you go to a pub, they don't have high noon. And here's what I've asked questions. I've gone into the bars and been like, hey, where's the watermelon?

Why do you have lime, lemon, black cherry, pineapple, all the other flavors of high noon, except for the best one? The one is very clearly the best selling version of this product that you have. Why wouldn't you want it stocked? And apparently, what I've been told is, is that high noon gets distributed in variety

packs and so watermelon is the best selling but they saddle it with the worst selling flavors of high noon. To drive sales. Right, right. Mango for the bad flavors. Right, for me it would be black cherry, it tastes like cough medicine but they saddle it with the worst flavors and so bars don't want watermelon because they got to take all the other shit

that comes with it. And here's what I'm saying to the great people of high noon who make a wonderful product. Just let watermelon thrive. As a matter of fact, stop making other flavors because watermelon is the only one that people seem to like. Don't staple it onto the bad ones especially. I want to be able to, and I'm telling you, I go around all of Stanford, Connecticut. Do you have high noon watermelon?

Please, sir, I'm a man in a desert crawling on his hands and knees looking for some water. Let me get that hard stuff. And I just want, Give me a double. I just want some high noon watermelon at a bar. There's probably 10 bars near me. Eight of them don't have it.

They have high noon, but they don't have watermelon. Guys, if it's this good selling, just make the product that everyone likes and stop saddling it with the shit. Sir, this is an Olive Garden. Isn't that Portnoy's drink? Isn't high noon, what is it? Yes, it's most certainly not Miller Lights.

That'd be Topo Chico, which I actually favor. Oh, fantastic. That one's the best. Are we not allowed to do an observational humor about other forms of alcohol? Does that stop us? You haven't been here in a while. Oh.

I do have Whitty trying to say Connecticut. Let's see what we've got there. Connecticut. Wow. Connecticut. Yes, we missed the Polish professional broadcaster. Welcome back. I mean, I woke up at 3 a.m. Wow. Connecticut. Yes, we missed a college professional broadcaster. Welcome back. I mean, I woke up at 3 a.m. for a flight this morning, but I didn't.

Crank it up the excuse machine. Wow, crank it up. Crank it up. Wow. Connecticut. You guys have never mispronounced a word. Woody, I have been meaning to ask you, how do you say good words but get Dan to like you? Not be so aggressive with them.

Dan likes them? Fair. Connecticut. Howdy, folks. It's Mike making this podcast time, Miller Time. That's right, Miller Lite makes all the great times even better. Why? Dependability, for one. Great taste, less filling. all the great times even better. Why? Dependability, for one.

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