The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Postgame Show: Crap The Bed Against The Spread

Episode Date: March 6, 2024

Mike Schur sticks around to give the show his Stat Of The Day. Plus, Jess gets an email requesting her to write part of Stugotz's book ( check out StugotzBook.com ) and Against The Spread! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to Giraffe Kings Network. What is the TV show that you're working on that you've been consumed by that you haven't had enough time to come here and waste your time giving us stats of the day? It's a new show for Netflix with Ted Danson. It will be out probably in sometime in November-ish, but I don't know for sure. I'm keeping the details of it mostly under wraps.

Why is that? Because it doesn't serve anyone to tell people what a show is about eight months before it appears on your home streaming services. So, you know, it's based on a documentary, a very good and funny and charming documentary that was made about four years ago. And it's, I think it's going to be good. I'm very happy with how it's turning out so far. Well, are you ever wrong about that? When you think, I never wrong. No, but I say this genuinely as a creative person who makes great things and has a very high standard. One of them is the podcast that he does with Joe Poznan ski It's great and it's fun for a lot of different reasons. But is your governor often wrong on that one? If you think something's good that you're

making, are you ever wrong? I don't, I think that I'm pretty confident in whether something's good or not. That doesn't have any bearing on whether or not it like works and sticks around and becomes a long running TV show. I would say I'm right about the heat more often than I'm right about whether a TV show is gonna work. But I'm not asking you if you know every time whether you're making a hit, because you can't know once you've created something

what the results of it are gonna be. I'm asking you if every time you make something you turn it in and you think it's good. Well, no, I mean, I think it's as good as I can make it. That doesn't mean it's objectively good. There's probably no such thing as objectively good. I think I, I know I have a fair degree of confidence in whether I think something is good. That doesn't mean I always think the things I make are good. I, I, um,

sometimes, you know, you can't, nobody, sometimes you go one for four, you know, you go one for four every day for five years. You're Hall of Famer. That's how I get it. Yeah. Breaking news. Actually, I just got an email about writing something for Stugatz's book. What the fuck?

Congratulations. Welcome to the club. Stugatzbook.com. Everyone. It's still on return. Email was not from Stugatz, by the by the way, of course gotta be kidding me. Do you want to leave her out? I mean, you know what? I did my assignment already. I finished my I was told I had to do it by like My like February 9th or something and I'm raced to finish it and then like another month has gone by and it's pretty clear

I could have just waited. You had until May 1st. You weren't busy at all. You weren't busy on a TV show or anything at all. Jessica, that is the proper response. It's sort of unbelievable. I appreciate it, Jessica. It is breathtaking. Do you know how many, how many texts there have been amongst people

who shower me nameless, just texting like, are you doing this? Do we have to do this? I guess we have to do this, right? I guess we had. The gall is right? I guess we have to. The gall is breathtaking. Is it not? It is.

The spin is great too, which I didn't want you to feel left out. Like I don't think there's a person that you said to see that would have felt left out. The response I've been getting is overwhelming. I mean, it's been great. People are honored. They're flattered to be a part of the book.

I mean. Mine got lost in the mail, the email. Jessica, if you're volunteering, he got one for you. Look at the generosity of Stugatz. I've got work you can do for free, Stugatz. Jessica, are you, are you telling us right now that he hasn't even done you the courtesy of asking himself

some of his people have reached out on Stugatz's behalf to ask you to work for free. I have people now. That is accurate. That's how it happened to me too. It wasn't an email from Stugatz. It was someone I've never heard of going, here's a, here's a 400 word barfed up essay about statistics.

Now, can you write 500 words in response? That's what my email says too. What a drift, so thank you to both of you. So I did reach out to certain people, like Scott Van Pelt and Stephen A. Smith, Levitard, so many people. Yes, the way they do it. Hey, dear man for man. Van Gundy already sent it back, so to catch it.

I am telling all of you, and I can't believe I talked to the publishers yesterday. But, but, but, but, but publishing is. Wow, what was that? Tongue twister. Yeah, sorry. No, thank you. I deserve that.

Is both of my publishers? No, book publishing is dying. And Greg Cody and Ron McHill have a certified hit on their hands. And all I'm laughing about is I can't speak is that Stugatz has a grift of a book where I'm thinking his 400 words could be AI generated, so he doesn't actually have to do any bit of work here except convince all his friends to work for free.

Wish I thought of that. Well, hold on. I have an idea now. Everyone that you should reach out to should just use like chat GBT to write their portion of your book and then it will fall on you for all of it being plagiarized. I am good with that. Just stamp your name to it. Okay. That's all I care about. You have no problem with AI doing all of this, do you? You know, I will say that the section that Stu got in quotes, wrote that I read was like just him talking about going to grateful dead

concerts and then saying that like her Kevin Durant doesn't have any rings in his personal record book or whatever. It is the kind of essay that would have been turned out if you had entered a chat GPT prompt that was like right. An essay about statistics in the style of Stugatz, like it wasn't a lot of substance beyond the stuff that we've all already heard a thousand times. So I think there's something to this theory. So Stanza gave you the Kevin Durant chapter, huh? Yeah. That's what that was my welcome. Yeah. That's the big one, Mike. That's the big one.

I can't believe it. Wait a minute. Wait, the only one. I just saw something. Those faces in the back row sometimes are revealing even though Tony is hiding his I Saw in both Jessica and Billy something that morphed from what has been pride into Stugots in the general being of Stugots to something that felt a bit like disgust Hmm like Jessica just got handled by Stugs his people you could say no just I mean Okay, just don't say it to me say it to my people you guys I You you have you have run you have I don't you haven't lost the love of Jessica and Billy, but they seemed oh I lost Billy's love a lot on the I don't know how you got by you. I really you've got nothing written

How did they sign you wait on Dan? I Have to do it as chat GBT. Well, you put something together Billy would be just no give it to me as chat You beaty. I'll just submit it and we'll turn that in I don't want to work for him I don't want to say wait a second. I work for you. I mean You're outsourcing your work to Billy and telling him to outsource it to an AI chatbot. That's even lazier than still God's writing books. Someone set up the AI machine and okay. Microfish.

Let's do stat of the day. Once you're standing in the day. Yeah. I went to Yama this year in 56 games has a hundred and 93 block shots. The Miami heat in their 61 games have 207 block shots. And by the way, Victor WEMBINYAMA has played 28.7 minutes a game. Unlike the heat who, you know, generally play 48. And also there are five of the Miami heat. So really, if you total it up,

it's Wemby in 1,608 minutes has 193 blocks and the Miami heat in 14,640 minutes have 207 block shots. All of those numbers are amazing. And if I come back at you by simply saying, yes, but the heat heaven elite defense and wemby is great and blocks a ton of shots and his team's no good and they're already talking on ESPN about maybe wemby will get impatient because uh and even though that's not already well it's not in any way factual it's just well we need something to talk about yes it's march and it wasn't even that egregious but we need to talk about something but it is fair to say that the Miami Heat

Defense maddens you you hate the way they play because they're great at defense without doing it in a way that you feel is aesthetically pleasing No, they maddened me because they play a zone more than any other team and These guys haven't played zone since they were in a AU and they all forget how to defeat a zone and they all try to run the same offense that you run when you're when a team isn't playing zone and then they look befuddled and confused and a zone a 2-3 zone or a 2-1-2 zone is a thing that you learn how to defeat when you're 16 and then they forget because no one else does it and so they run the zone and everybody freaks out and no one remembers.

What are we supposed to do? Someone's supposed to flash to the post and then someone cuts down the baseline. What do we do? And then you look up and the heat have gone on 11 or 11 and they win the game 93 to 89. And it's maddening and infuriating. Why did you disagree with me when I said you don't like that they do it in a way that's not aesthetically pleasing to you? You disagree with that.

I didn't agree with no, it's not just that it's not aesthetically pleasing. It's that it is so easily countered by teams that just don't counter it. They, when they ran that zone the other night, I can't remember what game it was. They're running the zone constantly and whoever they were playing, can't remember who it was. Maybe it was Denver just kept trying to do the same thing. They kept trying that stoop, that dribble handoff that they run with Yoke to the high post. And then it wouldn't, the guy wouldn't be open because it's a zone coming around of Yoke. And then, then here's the other thing that happens. I talked about this with Haberstrow the other day on his podcast, then they like, okay, let's reset. They do the thing where like, let's reset

the offense and they retreat to the half court line. And the thing that the heat get a lot of credit credit for for me at least is they chase the ball handler all the way back to the half court line. They put incredible ball pressure on whoever has the ball and that guy isn't used to that either. And he, so he's like freaks out and panics and they're all standing around and panicking. And suddenly there's four seconds left on the shot clock. Like the thing that they get the most credit for for me is their ball pressure. There is no one, no one goes unhounded. Nobody can walk the ball up the court. No one can run the offense from the point. They all are under constant ball pressure by these annoying little

gnats that the heat have that drive me up the wall. All these nameless faceless little turds who run around and swat at the ball. And every time there's an entry pass, there's like eight little hands going like again, like snatching the ball away. And it just, it's so, it's so awful to watch. I hate it so much. I'm, you know what? This is good for me because I haven't felt the same hatred for the heat this year so far. And this, this session is getting me revved up again. This is preparing me for the playoffs. So not aesthetically pleasing. Fine. You were right. Yes. Yes. I apologize. Fine. This is a kind and decent human being who just hit us with nameless faceless turds. What they are.

It's what he will do. What they are. Okay, let's waste some more of, you know what? It's not going to waste his time. I want to give him a promotion. Not to more than intern, but I do want his basketball knowledge to be on full display. So let's get corporate sponsored, DraftKings. Let's get around the idea that Mike Scherz really knows basketball.

I don't know if he knows it as much as baseball, and let's get against the spread. I want his gambling advice. Against the spread is sponsored by DraftKings. Stay tuned because you'll hear more about DraftKings and all it has to offer throughout the show. DraftKings, the crown is yours. Let's start with Mike Sherwith Against the spread! I don't think we should start with him. He doesn't know. Give him a minute. I've got the magic tonight. The magic are playing the wizards the magic are a seven and a half point Favorite they're playing well at the wizards. They're good the Orlando magic are young and good

The wizards are the worst team in the league worse than even Detroit. Give me what I'll take the magic on the road What do you have there Mike sure I? Feel like I should give a caveat that I've never placed a single bet on a single sporting match in my entire life Okay, that's the just feel like I know that's the display. Not the game. Not good. Not good. Not good. Not good. You're so I didn't ask for any of that. Not good basketball content games against the spread. Not what's your life. You need more time. Are you credible? No, I got it. No, the bucks. The bucks are in in Oakland in San Francisco tonight playing golden state. The bucks, according to what I'm looking at are, are plus four and a half. I think the bucks are figuring

some stuff out. Uh, and I think the bucks have put it together. The Warriors are tough at home, but I would take the bucks in that game. It's actually plus four. The Warriors are 16 and 15 at home. They're not great. I actually have the Warriors in that game minus four Information look back to the last match up Milwaukee 1 129 to 118 a lot of people are talking about last time the Warriors played They lost by 52 points Dan don't worry about that though Things are starting to click at the right time lost by 52 points, Dan. Don't worry about that though. Things are starting to click at the right time.

Don't worry about that one game because here's a stat. In March, the Warriors are actually one and one. So they've won as many games as they've lost. And that's against the friends. Over to you, Dan. I retroactively feel like I did not have to give any kind of disclaimer based on that level of- He's bad at it.

We've been reprimanded by DraftKings because he at it seven and three in the last ten Dan. Yeah, hi One and one in March get out of here Drive Kings doesn't want you around One against a spread last time One and one in my speaking the last, there's only one guy in here that's 9 and 0 at the current moment on all NBA picks. It's amazing. Wait, can I can I stop and celebrate that for a second? No, well, let's stop. Let's stop for just a second. I don't know. Let's stop for just a second. Okay? Three straight three-team parlays. If you lost money with our show and bet all of that,

Juju remade your money because those are hard to do. He's hit nine in a row. And so thank you, Juju. You're not getting enough love here. It's ridiculous. Like you're just giving away money. You give me enough love every single day just by being my brother.

All right. So tonight in the league, I'm gonna stay in the National Basketball Association. We all know the Lakers, they are up and down. LeBron said to himself, sometimes we'll win, sometimes we lose, and look at the cameraman like it was his fault. So with that in mind,

I'm going with the Sacramento Kings, baby, plus two tonight. De'Aaron Fox is back. Light the beam. You feel me? Light the damn beam. You feel me? Light the beam. Light the beam. Light the beam. You feel me?

Light the beam. Light the beam. They haven't been great. They haven't been great. They haven't been great. They have not been great. De'Aaron Fox is back off of his injury and Simone's got that look in his eyes and that is all I need against the Lakers because they will crap the bed against the spread.

That's a good. Say it, Mike. That rhymes. Say it, Mike. Yeah, Mike. Take us home. Against the spread. Against the spread. I got the spread. Oh, that's good. Say it, Mike. That rhymes. Say it, Mike. Yeah, Mike, take us home. Against the spread, against the spread. Crap the bed.

Crap the bed, against the spread. Crap the bed, against the spread. Oh, crap the bed, against the spread. Yes, let's do a promotion. I want you as one of the most successful writers in Hollywood and somebody who's moral to give DraftKings its slogan. It's time to crap the bed against the spread.

So you're addressing the, you're addressing the favorite in that scenario. You're addressing the Lakers and you're saying, it's time to crap the bed against the spread. I love this. This is great. I can get on board with this. There it is.

DraftKings here. There it is. You have the endorsement. Let's do this as I want to create this specific lane for us as a gambling business entity where we have just your, today's the day we crap the bed against the spread brought to you by Draft Kings. I love it.

You want me to say that? Yes, I want you to sell it. I want you to reimbursed any lost bets also. You'll fully endorse this with all of your Hollywood backing and all of your friends. This is how to crap the bed against the spread and win some bread. Oh, geez.

All right, listen up. Listen up, betting favorites. Tonight is the night you crap the bed against the spread. Yeah. All right. Let's win some bread. I win the spread. Yeah. All right. Let's go with some bread. I'm waiting for bread. Wonderful.