The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Postgame Show: Perverted Loofah

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

What are some of the dumb things that we do all the time? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to Giraffe King's Network. I cannot get over how badly I handled that alien interview that we just did. Look at you being the guy you're looking in the mirror. I'm looking at the mirror. What could I have done better in that interview? That's what you're saying. Yeah. I failed to live up to my journalistic duty.

This is such a Dan move. Yeah. I cannot help but feel like at the end of this week, I am now having Dan infect my own self-consciousness. Because I had many questions as to why the f*** any of the things are alien expert that we called. Hello. Why his insights stood up to the scrutiny

that we're applying to these alien witnesses mean. Why would they lie about that? What insights? What insights? What are you talking about? Part of my frustration is that every response that I wanted to say to our alien expert was like, because they're crazy and lying to you, that is why.

That's the motive. But why would they lie? My frustration was that the biggest piece of investigative journalism we did with an alien expert on the day after aliens were the subject of congressional investigation was Chris Cody's cook meter. How about that audio though?

Great audio. It was impeccable. Impeccable audio quality. I was so impressed by that setup. He's got the egg crate like lined walls. By the way, that room is small. So even with the installation, whatever sound installation,

it doesn't have a whole lot of opportunity to dissipate anywhere. The foam door is a little look at me, Louis, with the window. A little, come on, we got you. Yeah, the trappings of a true alien expert and I just wish we got more alien. I wanted to know why I am now convinced

that this stuff happened, and I'm just left here disappointed in myself for not having any more clarity than what I started with. And so I wanna now move on, I mean, to a related topic, which is just the dumb shit we do all the time. Oh, yes, the dumb shit we do all the time. I can tell you what. Example one. I'm gonna tell you exactly what the... We repeat things back to someone in weird voices.

In the amnesens. That's not dumb. That's actually pretty smart. Like, because it buys you the time. Yeah, it's called get your shit together. No, for me, I came up with this topic. I asked you guys earlier today. I was like, you guys ever have dumb stuff that you do routinely. And it happened because on my way into the studio, I get out the elevator and I'm round in the corner to walk over to where our studio door is. Dangerous game nowadays with the cars

coming in the corner. So I was look at that mirror, Chris. You know that little mirror so you see what's coming. And I swear to God every single time I look in the mirror to see if there's a car coming and then I see, huh, there's a figure behind me. And then I realize, oh, that's my reflection.

That's happened to me with my car when I'm driving out of this garage. I'm like, oh, there's a car coming. I better stop. And then I realized, oh, those are my lights. Dude, I see that my reflection and I am intimidated instantly every single time. You're racist towards your own reflection. Oh, I'm like, I'm terrified. I just, I see this tall, dark figure walk into it. And it's like, no, that's just me. There's no one following me. I always leave my keys in my car

when I'm walking to my front door. Like I turn, because nowadays, I have a push thing. So it's just my keys are in my, what, look at me. I mean, who tapped me? Doesn't everybody have a push to start at this point?

I mean, who's the turning key? Not everyone. What, I'm sorry. Well, whatever. My mean, who's the turning key? Not everyone. Yeah. What, I'm sorry. Well, whatever. My keys are in my cup holder. That's the stuff. So I'm a big turn the car off,

get my backpack and everything. My Ferrari has a key. And I walk up to my front door and then I'm like, oh, my keys are in my car. And I have to walk back. Do you have a garage? Yes. But I don't like walk through it or anything.

You don't park in the garage? No. Really? It's like a storage. My garage is, I don't have a the garage. No, really? It's like a storage, my garage. I don't have a big garage. Just drive your garage. It's not a two car garage. What do we got inside there?

Like a gas garage. Like a lot more. The room I need to tackle. It's the put it in there and we'll deal with it later room. It's not good. There's a washing machine and stuff in there. So it's kind of like half a laundry room, half a put shit in the corner. We talked about this on mystery crate.

The tools, that's where the, yeah, that's where my, the unused, unused, our, we talked about the idea that like, do you think power tools, like, are they happy to be used? Like if it's toy story and they have, and they're alive, but like mine are just never used because I'm so unhandy that like, are my tools happy that they're never used? Or are they longing to be used? We started with the idea that they were like,

really disappointed in like when they talked to their other tool friends, like how's it going? Like oh man, we built a bookshelf or whatever. What about you? Yeah, my owner doesn't really do stuff. I have them being happy, like look at the shine on my nose. Like the hammer, the hammer's nose is the part that gets hit. And he's like, look how unused my nose is.

Talks about like, hey, Joe, you look great, man. How have you been keeping up? Like, I was like, wow, my guy. It's like that car commercial with Kenan Thompson then. It was buying the car and the kitchen appliances. So I was like, what kind of commercial? It has a brand new commercial. I have not seen it. I have. I have'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I two Lufa's sister. Safe space. And I'm so sorry. I have a two Lufa sister.

You're about to do. Yes. I have one Lufa that's for the whole body. And then there's one Lufa that doesn't have a good job. For the un-functionable. This job for this Lufa. And I'm very, I'm neurotic with my Lufa's. So like every two weeks I'm switching out these two Lufas.

Uh-huh. And I have a big bag. My wife bought this big Amazon bag because I go through so many Lufas. So every two weeks, I have this decision where I grab two Lufa's and I'm walking to the thing, the hang them on the thing of which hook they're gonna go, and I have this decision to make. Wow.

One of you is gonna have a great two week life. Judge Jury and I have this. And one of you is going to have, and they're the same Lufa. Like I imagine they hang out in that sack, and they're just like, oh, we got chosen today. And it's like, oh no, which one are you? And then it's just like, what a sad life.

Can I offer an alternate reality where you say, okay, you're gonna be for the regular body, my shins, my chest, whatever, and you're the other one. And the other one's like, yeah! Get out of there! Oh, it's a perverted Lupa. I got this. You're gonna keep me for months.

I have the most important job in the world. Deeper, deeper. I'll clean that thing like you never seen. Deeper. I mean, the sound effects are not right. That's, I mean, that's, it's a perfect... The bit is fine. The sound effects are the weird parts.

It's a perfect... The perverted Lufa is making noises that I wish to unheir. Hey, man. And as I say, it ain't no calm perversion over here. This thing, it's into it. I go deep with the dough. I imagine that there are, there are clicks in this sack of, of a hundred loofas. There are like hangout groups. And then when I reach in there every two weeks, I want them to like get in single file lines of like who they hang out with. Bring two loofas that hang out together.

The hunger games. Yeah, they're waiting for their orders. It's like, it's like, Oh, the claw, the claw is coming. That's my hand. So you use so many loopholes that there's a landfill somewhere in central Florida that's just a bad, yeah, that's great. Is there a fat bird composed entirely of Chris Cody's discarded loopholes?

Now, on the set of which have been places. See, I feel like I can't win here. I feel like if I was a guy that used the same loofah all year long, you guys would be like, that's gross. But now I'm like, OCD, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, feel like that's what most people do, right? So just put that ass wash cloth in the washing machine. Yeah, well, I mean, like when you're done with it in the shower, washing machine doing it. At first of all, yeah. Myself, I'm kidding. You know, like when you're done using it in the shower,

you're, you're ring it out, you kind of, you know, do a little scrub like that. I don't want that. Oh, juice. Just down the frame. It's all pipes. It's all pipes. Why do you care? Also, it has soap on it. I'm assuming that was a reference. I don't know if anyone got it. I didn't get it. What was it from? Seinfeld. Oh, thanks, my son. Two Americans. I'm surprised with how cleanly we get here with

Lufa's Chris. I know it's one of the, one of the, I'm not OCD with a lot of things. Like it's just one thing, it's just once I've used it a few times, I'm just like, and you know. No, for sure, like that's not something you want to keep reusing for sure. What is the timeline for you guys on Lufa's? Why don't you use a Lufa? I've ever talked a little riley got into Lufa's,

I got off of Lufa's. Oh yeah, which is different from getting on. I'm telling you, anti-microbial scrubber, body scrubber, we talked about this before, it's on Amazon, get it, it's cool. And then why? I think my wife has that, there's some sort of, have you guys seen that glove? I don't like the glove.

I've seen the glove with the digit. I have a glove for self-canning. The self-canning gloves. I use it to expose, so I have two gloves. I have a tanning glove and then I have an exfoliant glove. That's, my skin feels so nice after I use that. I always feel like a stranger is touching me. I'm like, oh, no gloves.

You're like, who is that? Oh, it's me. Yeah. And not in a good way, though. You're like, who? Hello? Hello, I'm the sociative sort of insecurities here. Who's that man in the mirror? Who's hand is this? Yeah, I'm a big help.

It's you every time. It's in the mirror time. Me with a glove on walking behind you. The scariest thing. Why would you lie about that? Exactly. Call back. Good night, everyone.

Added a lap track here, audio team. The damn levels are showing us film before a live studio audience. I want the lap track to just be Roy's lab. Pablo O'Mine, thank you for being you guys. Thank you for helping us out this week. We love you. That's all I like to punctuate shows where I'm in this chair. A little appreciation for you guys.

Yeah, we never done. Bye you guys. I look forward to you thinking me again next week. Stand up or not doing that Roy. No. There. Stand up or not doing that? Roy? No.